Thanks for the posts bros.
I like the sentiment and anything that makes life better should be explored, man.
I have had a shaky start to the week - Mon and Tue were total sleep deprivation so it was hard, I was out there building relationships and learning. Wednesday, I tried to settle back in but wasn't right.
Thursday I had such a funny day.
The doubts, the fears, the insecurities, the demons, they call came to roost man. It was punishment of the highest order, and right after I'd been feeling so blessed about my life. I am learning a lot about psychology and healing as part of Iron Will, and I underwent healing of my own man.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
― C.G. Jung
The negativity, the pain, the past suffering, the trauma, the defeat, it doesn't just go away.
That stuff can sit inside you.
It can lay dormant.
And when you're sleep-deprived, and depleted from the hustle, those demons can truly awaken. My image issues which started at around 12 years old were never dealt with. They were just suppressed, ignored, pushed under the surface.
I am now stronger in myself, and I have healed much of my psyche. The stuff that remains comes out in dribs and drabs.
This was what happened this week. I was just overwhelmed by it, it was totally at the fore of my mind all day and fucked the day.
I've learned that supressing this and ignoring it doesn't help. You actually have to express it, bring it to the fore, engage with it, talk about it, work through it, and let the emotion run its course, so psychological integration can take place. Otherwise, this remains unconscious, and will direct your life.
That is why I typed it up, shared here and on Andys group, and just engaged with it.
After an entire day of this trauma attack, my mind trying to find centre as my subconscious chose now as a time to release this (it often does this when we attain new levels in life, it knows we're stronger and can take it) I was wrapped up with it and the white heat of emotions ripped through my entire being the whole day. I am determined to achieve my body goal and hence cannot miss the gym - I forced myself to the gym at 11pm after such a chaotic day, and had a bad workout which I cut short. I told my accountability parters the honest truth, that my mind was imploding and for whatever reason, my suppressed emotions were coming out that day.
I parked back up at my parents place. It was midnight.
Everyone was fast asleep, and in that twilight hour, as my mind was pulling me apart, it was time to integrate this, make sense of this, and begin to reconcile this decades long narrative.
I paced around the lounge, and began to confront the dragon.
"Are you genuinely ugly though, Ravi?"
"If you were, why did you get lays?"
"Is it really accurate that you're an invisible incel? Is it really accurate that women in the world more generally do not like you or find you attractive in any form?""
"Is it really true that the opposite sex rarely if ever feel any type of attraction for you?"
I grappled with this stuff as my mind decided to drive me fucking mad today, and I broke it down, endlessly, rifling through my memory bank, sorting out the mess, trying to make sense of this madness and how this nonsense burrowed so deep into my psyche in the first place.
It was challenging, as I really am only a man of around average looks - it certainly is the case that few women in the world would desire much involvement with me romantically. That does not mean that there are not some who will. And it is a worthy objective to find these women, there is nothing more great than finally encountering one. This happened 9 times in 2023
BUT
The one that really split my brain open was the sheer weight the way I look and the way I am generally received by women DOES trouble me, and DOES create a certain fear over future prospects.
It was hard to grapple with, and despite the different ways I was trying to look at it, just dealing with this and how I am going to make my life work caused me to pace for quite some time whilst philosophizing, quite madly.
But emotions began to stir, from deep, deep inside. They kept churning and I just refused to give up. This money has been on my back for a long, long time man - it is time to push back, defend myself, and allow some of this poison to be dripped from me.
"This person was a child in an unsafe environment, in a terrible part of town, in a hostile situation, who developed anxiety disorders whilst still single digit age. This person was in special education classes and was unable to read and write like the other children, and through sheer force of will, this small child pushed himself to become an A grade student and attend an elite University, coming from a failing school where only 2 of 600 kids in the graduating class were able to do this.
This child had crippling asthma and used to be hospitalized, chronic anxiety and depression, and he had no way to fix himself, but through his own determination alone he found things to help himself.
This person had 5 paper routes at 12 years old and was called Reliable Rav. This person had 2 jobs at 16. This person but himself through University with his jobs and did so whilst battling chronic, clinical level anxiety and depression.
This person navigated endless challenges in his life, had to climb many mountains, and still never gave him.
Who else would have overcome extreme anxiety and phobias, room bound for 2 years, and fight his way back into work and secure 3 promotions?
Who else would even dare to dream and not have been crushed man? Who else, when obese at 275lbs would say, no, one day, I will be a fit, healthy, vibrant man, and I will break this cycle, all the challenges that life put on me, that I did not ask for, I will overcome, and I will utterly destroy every goal, every challenge, every objective I set for myself - I will build strength where there was weakness, I will create positivity where there was negativity, and I will forge an unstoppable drive where there was was once defeat.
I set out to raise the phoenix from the ashes, and that, ON ALL ACCOUNTS, was fucking DONE.
This is a person who DOES deserve better, even if he does not feel worthy, he DOES deserve good things in life.
This person is from dirt nothing and is a testament to the ability of the human animal to gain a better life for itself through HARD WORK and sacrifice. YEARRS, YEARS spent just bettering himself, though life was so challenging and it did not get better for so long.
And you really need to make this persons life harder by telling him he is ugly?
Who else, WHO THE FUCK ELSE, would still even be trying to become somebody AFTER ALL THAT SHIT?
This person is TRYING despite the odds. This person has already done the impossible, and you want to tell him that he is ugly, that the things he has are not good enough, that the face nature gave him, the body, the arms, the legs, that these are weak, shameful, no good, and that they do not deserve to be loved and appreciated because they belong to him, and he is no good? You want to tell him that what little he has to navigate the world and life his life are not good things and that he isn't destined to live much of a life despite his efforts?
WHY?!
That truly is evil. Someone who has tried do hard despite very unfavourable circumstances, who had so little and had to overcome so much, does not deserve to be treated in this way. This is sick and totally unfair and is not giving this person the chance he deserves.
This is needless cruelty and this person does not deserve to be subjected to this, it does not help him navigate the world, it just makes his life harder. He already has a challenging situation and is not going to have an easy path in his life. He knows that and is still trying to run in the race, so why are you trying to trip him up?"
I broke down and cried until 3am, pacing around, just letting this shit go and be dealt with. It needed to be brought to light.
It was hard, but this work has to be done.
The negativity in the subconscious will just bleed into life, lest it is fully dealt with, expressed, grasped, and worked through.
This journey, the self improvement journey, it has given me good things.
L has been in Thailand, but she still does text me, and she does care about me. Fair enough, we're just friends, but this is an awesome woman. A really awesome, awesome human being. I never had anyone like this in my life prior to have a conversation with, to just talk to. This is great, Hell, 9 girls this year actually had sex with me. I did a lot of cool stuff.
The dates DID get better, once I did work hard on them. They will get better moving forward.
My attractiveness, is frankly what it is. This is a hard situation to navigate, but the way I see it, a really great body will help me a bunch, my hair transplant will start to grow a bunch, and there's tattoos and archetype changes I can explore. In a year and a half, there's options for surgery man. So there's plenty I can still do.
Even so, I have seen unattractive men with good partners who would be a total catch. It CAN be done, and if other men can do it, why can't a man with drive such as myself overcome these barriers and hurdles and someone make this work?
There have been remarkable victories, man, and I am a success story in the making.
Really, the fact that I have been able to do this shit - it is mindblowing. Sometimes I think back to the way I used to be, and how lonely and isolating it was. Pushing myself from that, from all the way back there, my god, that was 12 years of grinding just to SURVIVE.
I have the potential to become better and be a better man.
There is something there, for sure. I've SEEN IT. I've FELT IT.
Because our self improvement involves women, quite a bit, this can make some men like myself actually get really down on themselves because introducing a creature such as woman introduces her standards and preferences, and then guys like me are not really going to feel good about ourselves, as we do not fit this mold.
But outside of women, I have become a better person, a better brother, friend, professional, member of the community, and human in this world.
That is a good thing, It's a good thing that I continue to keep trying to make myself better.
Maybe there will be a woman who will come along and value this one day. Maybe there won't. But I fucking value myself, because I started off this life in a damn impossible situation, and I just fucking REFUSED TO QUIT. So why should I have anything but pride for myself as a man?
We as men are more than the way we look.
We are supporters, collaborators, problem solvers, decision makers, action takers, improvers. We are patient, kind, respectful, helpful, and willing to go the extra mile to do the right thing. We are determined, powerful, strong, and able to endure when times get truly difficult. We have worth, value, and though it is so hard to be appreciated as a man in today's world, so hard to just get a woman to give you the time of day
As men our most valuable thing is not our outward appearance.
As men our most valuable thing is our heart and our spirit.
Those things are the most powerful thing we have as men. And my heart and sprit is what has carried me through this life for 31 years man, this shit is titanium, armour plated, it cannot be broken, it cannot be tired out, it cannot be beaten, defeated, it just keeps fucking coming back and never lets me down! I know I can rely on my heart and spirit because no matter what life threw, and it threw a lot, these two factors remained at my side and never gave up on me.
These are enough to carry us as men to the success we seek.
Really, with hard work, a man can accomplish his dreams. If he can just show up every day and not quit, he can actually live a good life.
-Even if you're unattractive to most chicks, there will be SOME who will give you a shot. I have proven this!
-Even if you're having to push uphill in most of your dating life and getting traction is a pain in the damn ass, you CAN get the odd success if you can use the variable of time and high effort/time
-Factors like gym, tattooing, archetypes, and surgical procedures are there for you to gain small advantages and maybe give you an edge to make the process more bearable
And if you really don't like what kind of woman you are able to get, that's fine, try for a few years, and then you can leave it alone and plan a different kind of life, with different kinds of goals and objectives. There is no shame in saying thanks, but no thanks, and in a very superficial world, sometimes you have to make an empowered choice and go your own way.
The thing that matters at the end of the day is having a smile on your face. Because none of this shit really matters in the end.
You and I get one go here.
Don't suffer. Don't torture yourself. Even if you are not appreciated, appreciate yourself.
We are worth it.
MAC
