Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283

[Bman]

Day 29

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Sexual disclosure exercise

Had a call this evening with jmand doing a sexual disclosure. Basically, you disclose your full sexual history from the time you first thought about sex or masturbated when you were young until current day. The point of the exercise is to own your own sexuality, bring to light any shame or guilt you have around it, and practice expressing those verbally to another person. In doing so you bring light to the darkness, see that whatever you think is so abnormal is actually pretty normal, and none of it is really that bad. Going into it I thought I was going to be more embarrassed, but by the end I felt pretty neutral in a "this is what it is" way. I can say when I was younger I held a lot of shame and guilt around my sexuality. Nowadays, I see it positively, I'm excited by it, and can share it pretty easily even to the pretty girls (because they secretly want it too. )

---------------------------

Man I get the feeling soon you will become a bdsm Icon

Said from the Master himself.

 

[AskTheDom]

Day 29I can say when I was younger I held a lot of shame and guilt around my sexuality. Nowadays, I see it positively, I'm excited by it, and can share it pretty easily even to the pretty girls (because they secretly want it too. )



That's a fundamental part of becoming whole. if you have darkness in your sexuality it will always sooner or later come up because it just floats in your mind and when the tide raises, it raises with it.
Shame and Guilt are two of the most ferocious opponents a man has to conquer to master his sexuality because they will attack in guerrilla style, sabotaging you when you need to be at your best and be in the moment

Man I get the feeling soon you will become a bdsm Icon

Said from the Master himself.

As you know, if I say something, I mean it - I'm not keen to dispense compliments just for the fuzzy feeling of "we are all in this together bro"
What kind of Dom would I be if I reward when there is disobedience ?

Honestly, you have the looks, the wits, the passion, with enough knowledge, dedication and experience, I don't see why you will not make a name for yourself in the scene.

 

[Bman]

That's a fundamental part of becoming whole. if you have darkness in your sexuality it will always sooner or later come up because it just floats in your mind and when the tide raises, it raises with it.

Shame and Guilt are two of the most ferocious opponents a man has to conquer to master his sexuality because they will attack in guerrilla style, sabotaging you when you need to be at your best and be in the moment

Agreed. Addressing this over the last year has been very healthy and made me more confident.

As you know, if I say something, I mean it - I'm not keen to dispense compliments just for the fuzzy feeling of "we are all in this together bro"
What kind of Dom would I be if I reward when there is disobedience ?

Honestly, you have the looks, the wits, the passion, with enough knowledge, dedication and experience, I don't see why you will not make a name for yourself in the scene.

Thank you. Really appreciate that. I'll keep learning, getting experience, and putting in the work.

 

[Red]

Fucked like an iron horse for an hour.

Fuck yea!

Glad to hear that it worked for someone else too.

Red

 

[Bman]

Day 30

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

At the gym today another regular and I made eye contact and I gave a head nod. He asked me if I meditated. Which I replied yes. He said her could tell because most people sheepishly look away but I held eye contact with him and had calm manner. We ended up chatting a bit which was funny because here was a couple jacked gym bros talking about meditation, breathwork, and being zen. I've been meditating for 5 years. I think it's fantastic colgate that you have taken it up. The benefits definitely compound over time.

• Asked friend for help with a business tax favor
  
• 0/1 Cold Approach

Got out a little late today so it was dark out and low volume. Skipped a perfectly good one for no real reason. Eventually found another girl sitting outside a fitness studio waiting for her class. Had a boyfriend.

 

[Bman]

Day 31

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

Was going to go out approaching today; however, I was deep into some things I was doing with work and making progress, that I prioritized that. Nothing else major happened towards the 365 project was worthy of note today.

 

[Bman]

Day 32

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• New lay (will report in the morning)

Another new sub who wanted to take a ride on the wild side. Gave her many orgasms "in ways I've never orgasmed before". She was a lot of fun. I did however get partially in my head today and was not as relaxed, forgot to turn the AC on, so I got overheated, nervous, and had some trouble getting hard at first.

The first time with a new girl I get so focused on giving her a great time to increase probability of retention. I know I'm fucking good at what I do, but I still have that nagging insecurity in there. And then when its happening, I'm not confidently stating what I want. Some residue to address upstairs. So didn't do as well today in the addressing my own needs/desires department. I'll try to figure out what was different from just a week earlier with Ad Girl.

Despite that though she had an amazing time and we made several "plans" to see each other again, including doing a erotic photography shoot and going to the BDSM club. We'll see.

 

[Bman]

Day 33

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Turned Saturdays into my 20% Rule days

Some of you may know I was previously an architect. I'm still a very creative person despite not doing that anymore. Additionally, being an entrepreneur I come with dozens of ideas I want to try for my business. Sometimes I come up with ideas for things I want to create to just improve my daily life. For example, two years ago I built a no code app using Glide to track my workout routines, specifically designed to me. Have used that app since.

In the past I would either just let the ideas die, write them down in a notebook just to get them out of my head and clear mental space, or I would interrupt my work just to implement and try them out. Not letting my creativity have an outlet also steals some of the zest of life.

So this year I thought I would try something different. Basically implementing Google's 20% Rule which states "We encourage our employees, in addition to their regular projects, to spend 20% of their time working on what they think will most benefit Google". But for me it's more like "I encourage myself, in addition to my regular projects, to spend my Saturdays working on what I think will most benefit or enrich my life." It might be a business idea I really want to implement and have not given room to during the week, or a creative pursuit that's going to fuel me and be an outlet for that expression.

So I started that today doing some writing, including the lay report from yesterday, and writing out some scenes I've done in the past for BDSM.

 

[Bman]

Day 34

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

Forgot to post last night. Was my typical Sunday of rest and recharge for the week.

 

[Bman]

Day 35

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Firm on price and boundaries with potential consulting client
  
• 0/1 Cold Approach

Was grinding today on my goals.

Right now I'm working on selling my ad inventory for the year on my startup's courses. Been cold emailing potential sponsors every work day. Today I warmed up two leads, scheduling one for a sales call tomorrow. Then applied for an opprituntity to be a learning facilitator and run live learning sessions for another education company at $350/hr. Then in the afternoon I had another inbound consulting lead and did a sales call with them. I was originally going to tell them no because their budget was too small and they couldn't afford me. Because I only do these as supplementary income for the startup, I'm pretty adamant about saying no. But they were a non profit and I liked their mission (educating entrepreneurs) so I said what the hell, I can give them 30 mins of my time. On the call I told them time is highly valued resource right now so they would have to simplify the project if I did work for them. They were totally ok with that. It so happens though that they often help founders get sponsorships. So I told them if they are able to land me a sponsor for one of my courses, I'd do their project for half my quoted price. Why? Because the sponsor will be worth more than the 50% on this project.

On another note, I also want to get a few "high value" photos to see if I can get a few more girls above my weight class. So today I signed up to do an founder pitch event for next week. At these they usually take pictures of you on this stage which look really nice. I'm not seeking investors, but if chosen to speak I will pitch the sponsorships. So I'll get some status shots and maybe some leads. Win Win.

After work I was going out to take some new photos. Got dressed in a nice white button up, black tie, charcoal vest, and so on. Went out to take photos on a balcony spot downtown while the sun was setting. Photos turned out unusable because I framed myself poorly, was not close enough, and I need to turn my head just right to see the tie, otherwise the beard covers it and you dont even see it. Need to find a different spot also.

Regardless I looked good. Was headed back to the bus stop to go home and saw a very sexy woman who was dressed classy at one of the restaurants (guess this is becoming my favorite type of approach now, lol) . She seemed to be eating by herself. Stood there a couple minutes to see if she was on a date and get over the anxiety that I looked a little odd with my photography backpack and tripod. Figured I would ask her if she was on a date and if she said no, I was going to say "you are now" and sit down with her since I looked the part. Approached, she said she was on a date but was really flattered. Pretty sure she wasn't but oh well. Save it for another one.

So was just trying to get paid and laid today.

 

[RogerRoger]

Day 35
Right now I'm working on selling my ad inventory for the year on my startup's courses. Been cold emailing potential sponsors every work day. Today I warmed up two leads, scheduling one for a sales call tomorrow. Then applied for an opprituntity to be a learning facilitator and run live learning sessions for another education company at $350/hr. Then in the afternoon I had another inbound consulting lead and did a sales call with them. I was originally going to tell them no because their budget was too small and they couldn't afford me. Because I only do these as supplementary income for the startup, I'm pretty adamant about saying no. But they were a non profit and I liked their mission (educating entrepreneurs) so I said what the hell, I can give them 30 mins of my time. On the call I told them time is highly valued resource right now so they would have to simplify the project if I did work for them. They were totally ok with that. It so happens though that they often help founders get sponsorships. So I told them if they are able to land me a sponsor for one of my courses, I'd do their project for half my quoted price. Why? Because the sponsor will be worth more than the 50% on this project.

Sounds pretty sweet mate. Good for you on being good about saying no in general. It took me a while to get there (and I'm still not great at it). I have a minion now to defer people to jobs I don't want to take (and my mate gives me a referral / consulting fee) which helps a ton.

Pretty interesting for the entrepreneur educating. Sounds like something I probably need

 

[Bman]

Day 36

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Men's Group
  
• Put my needs first with Ad Girl

More grinding today with sales calls and setting up other ones. Making progress. Will definitely pay off soon. Was going to have Ad Girl over Monday but she wasn't available and asked if we could today. Told her yes, if she could come in the 1.5hrs I had between wrapping up work and my men's meeting. She happily obliged and was rewarded with her "favorite session, yet" as she said.

Scheduled to have Spiritual Girl over Thursday.

----------------

Good for you on being good about saying no in general. It took me a while to get there (and I'm still not great at it).

It's taken a long time for me as well. Getting over the scarcity of "I have to do this because other money is not going to come". It will and when I turn down a mediocre opprituntity I make room for myself to fill it with a great one.

 

[Bman]

Day 37

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Met new people at a munch and was just myself

Posting yesterdays because I got home late last night. Went to a munch last night. Actually asked for a ride from someone else also going because it was in the north part of town. Had a great chat with her, she was not my type so it was just platonic. When I got to the munch I only knew one person well, so felt awkward at first and hung back for the first 10 minutes. Then I started chatting with a few people. Eventually a circle formed. I felt I did really good of just relaxing, being myself, not trying to seek validation or pump myself up.

Eventually I sat on picnic table top. Then one a couple 21 year old girls came in our circle because their partners were there talking. One of them was a very petite, sexily dressed girl who I found out is in the top 1% of OnlyFans creators. Her partner was one of the main guys running the munch, so eventually he left to take care of stuff. When he did she ended up sitting close to me, legs touching, while the rest of the group stood. I played and teased with her throughout the night and she touched my arms and legs many times with her hands. My ride had to leave so it did not make it any further. But her social circle is a regular in the scene, so I'm sure I'll be seeing her again.

 

[Holden]

I've considered going to one of those munches too but when I took a peek at people who RSVP'd, it seemed to be exclusively pretty low value men and women. I'm sure it's different for every city.

I've always found that those kink communities tend to attract people with low social skills or just generally low value people. Maybe I'm stereotyping though.

There is definitely a "Fetlife Elite", I've come across a few such profiles. Guys in their late 30s-40s who seem to be killing it with VYW. But they run on social proof (photography is always involved) and don't come to these public munches.

Like all good things in life, it seems that they have their private circles, and the key is getting access to those.

 

[Bman]

I've considered going to one of those munches too but when I took a peek at people who RSVP'd, it seemed to be exclusively pretty low value men and women. I'm sure it's different for every city.

I've always found that those kink communities tend to attract people with low social skills or just generally low value people. Maybe I'm stereotyping though.

There is definitely a "Fetlife Elite", I've come across a few such profiles. Guys in their late 30s-40s who seem to be killing it with VYW. But they run on social proof (photography is always involved) and don't come to these public munches.

Like all good things in life, it seems that they have their private circles, and the key is getting access to those.

I've observed the same thing about a majority being low value. So I tend to skip out on most of them. This one however is run by the people that run the club, so 180 people RSVP'd going or maybe going. Felt like worth the effort.

Also Austin (from what I'm told) has one of the biggest scenes in the country. Apparently Chicago is also pretty big. I will say that you can find 2-3 munches or events happening every night of the week here.

I didn't realize in the moment yesterday why I felt so awkward at first, but looking back it was because they were so awkward. After I reigned that in and centered myself again is when we started attracting the other people over to talk.

The upside is when I do go to these, I'm easily one of the more high quality guys there, so when there is attractive women I don't have much competition and I can actually hold a conversation unlike some of the other guys.

Definitely trying to crack the elite circles, which is why I want to focus on getting shoots with girls this year and posting on my Fet. I'm also trying to get in good with the directors of the groups/events so that when I start travelling they can vouch for me in other cities.

 

[Bman]

Day 38

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Dominant, emotional sex with Spiritual Girl

Had Spiritual Girl over tonight for the lock-in lay. Did some tantric breathwork and eye gazing with her to start, saying things like "when you're here, you're with me" and "you're in daddy's hands now" and then moved to her being in my lap to breath into her while kissing her neck. No toys or anything tonight, just my body and hers. During sex I kept edging her over and over. She begs, moans, and arches her back, and just moves sooooo much I fucking love it. Gave her a tantric massage while throwing in some spanking, biting, and light choking. And made her beg me to fuck her from behind. So feminine and submissive.

Afterwards we cuddled and she was literally still dripping wet on me. She asked if we could spoon and while I was being big spoon I just melted. Like something pent up just cracked. I have not held a woman like that in a few years. Its how I used to hold my ex wife, but we stopped being that intimate at the end of the marriage. I'll be honest, the sex was amazing, but holding her felt just as good as cumming. Maybe even better. I could have cried. It was healing. I just squeezed her and told her thank you.

She's also loved me helping her explore by filling out the sex menu and me telling her what to do. She sheepishly told me after sex today that next time she can't wait to suck my cock because she has been "researching" and says she loooves to suck cock. And she's coming out to the club this weekend which should be a blast with her. Told her to dress classy but with easy access. Should probably gain me a few preselection points as well with the other girls I met yesterday, who subsequently added me on Fet today.

God that felt good. Really needed that.

 

[Bman]

Day 39

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

 

[Bman]

Day 40

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Went out to "game" everyone

So anytime one of you, especially the guys ahead of me, posts a resource that you mentioned helped you tremendously, I go find it and start consuming. Recently Sisyphus posted about Yohami, which I've seen mentioned before. So I started reading this morning. Something Yohami mentions is gaming everyone, instead of just women, that gaming just becomes your default state. I recognized that that if I was just opening and chatting up everyone, men, grandmas, the bus driver, who the fuck ever, it will feel completely normal to me to do it with a hot woman because shes literally just another person.

So this morning I went out to game everyone. I just started by complimenting people as I passed by on the way to the bus telling them I like their dog or boots or jacket. When I got downtown, I was walking towards the library and opened a duo of girls asking when the library opened, where they lived, talked about their dog.

Eventually I made my way to a farmers market downtown and opened a cute girl asking what her favorite stands were, talking about the egg shortage in TX. With this one I had "you're really cute btw" on the tip of my tongue, but just didn't blurt it out. Walked around some more and opened a duo of older guys asking them what they got at the market. Then opened a middle age woman telling her I liked her sweater, which she got in LA. She said I could look at the tag so touched her back as we tried to find the brand.

Obviously this was all platonic. But it's normalizing talking to people, opening them, touching them, and acting as if all these people running around are NPC's in my world. Because guess what? Humans are social animals. It's normal to talk to others.

I plan on continuing to do this. As I get more comfortable I plan throwing in teasing, push/pull, playful banter ect into the mix. And even asking for their numbers. Who knows, might make some cool friends. Then of course throwing in sexual undertones. All in an effort to just make this my default state. It'll be normal for me. It'll be just what I do.

Of course I'll still be doing approaches of girls specifically to bang them. But this seems like good support training for that.

• Invested in Aaron Alexander's Thrive Daygame course

At this point I still have AA sometimes, but largely I can get over it. I recognize I could go out and do 1000's of approaches, but if I'm practicing the wrong things then I'm just building shitty habits. So with the course I can watch the infield breakdowns of each part of the approach, then go try for myself. I can compare and breakdown my approaches, iterate, and improve. Of course having a coach giving me specific feedback would be better, but this is not my number one priority so the self paced course allows me to get out there when I can. So this in combination with the practice above of "gaming" everyone should massively improve my social skills in a shorter, more efficient manner.

 

[Bman]

Day 41

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• Enjoyed myself at the BDSM club after date cancelled

So Spiritual Girl started her period yesterday and was feeling really tender so she did not want to go out. She was bummed because she went out Saturday to buy a dress since I told her to dress classy. That sucked, but I still went, did my volunteer shifts, and had a good time.

I was going to approach while there but ended up running into the social circle of people I met at the munch on Wednesday. The girl I mentioned that is in the top 1% of OnlyFans was decked out in all white lingerie with angel wings. Pretty much like a kinky Victoria's Secret model. I started engaging her and her friend before the group decided they wanted to grab a spot to sit. I suggested the big white couches that are in the middle of the club on the main floor and have view of everything else, and then took lead of the group over there with miss OF girl behind me. Its a big half circle couch so I sat directly in the middle so the rest of the group could sit around me and I could talk to everyone. OF girl sat next to me. I teased and flirted with her a lot in between chatting with the rest of the group. Both our legs were in full hip to toe contact with each other, despite there being plenty of room to spread out. She also touched me a lot like the other night. I made a few comments to her sexually during the night like when we were talking about her fishnets I said "Those are only good for one use because if you were with me, I'd just rip them off of you..." Now the problem is that she's the girl of one of the other regular volunteers who has been getting the higher roles from the directors. He's actually a pretty cool guy and we get along pretty well. I think they might be in an open relationship, not entirely sure.

What's the best move here? I think my options are:

1. Say fuck it, and go for it.
2. Be straight up and ask him if they are in an open relationship and if he minds me hooking up with her
3. Be straight up and ask her if they are in an open relationship
4. Just forget about it and use her for preselection (more on this in a moment)

My gut says go with number 2 or 4. Since we both volunteer and get more attention from the directors than other volunteers do, I'm not trying to shit where I eat and create drama. We are both arguably better looking guys in the community so I'd rather have him as an ally than an enemy.

If it was a no, I can still hang and flirt with her for preselection with other girls in the group and outside of the group. It's pretty clear the group follows her lead and she attracts a lot of attention from outsiders. I was dressed in a white button up with vest and tie, so we looked like we belonged together. With us being in the middle of the club, in the middle of the couch, we got a lot of looks from others. Her friend who is not as good looking but still cute, is into me and I'd engage and hold eye contact with her throughout the night. She also offered to give me a ride whenever I needed to go to events while giving me a hug before I left. I also worked the front door for the first hour with a cute girl (also partnered) who came and found us in the middle of the night, tapped me on the shoulder, and asked if she could also sit next to me on the couch. I engaged with her a bit as well. So then I spent the rest of the night with three half naked girls around me. But of course my main target was the OF girl. Eventually the BF of the OF girl got done with his shifts and came to sit with her. The other guys that were part of the group sat at the end of the couch or stood.

So I could just focus on sleeping with the women she attracts, or that I attract by being seen with her, rather than her directly.

I can say this is all pretty new to me as I was never that high status guy in high school or college, so any advice here is appreciated.

 

[Holden]

My gut says go with number 2 or 4.

Interesting because I'd say go for option 3, ask her. It's an innocent question. Not sure why you don't even know already. You're in a hypersexual environment and don't ask attractive women about the nature of their relationship?

You can fuck her AND use her for preselection, they're not mutually exclusive options. Don't count yourself out without having a good reason.

Also doing everything in your power to sit in the middle of the couch/table/lounge in a social situation is a huge life hack and it's worth it to "fight" a bit to get to the middle. It's one of those things that you think don't matter as much but they do. Humans are hyperattuned to quickly scan any given situation for the highest status people (both men and women do this) and the center is the most obvious spot for the most high value guy to sit.