NightRoller
Member
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2022
- Goal
- Improve NG Social Skill
- Age
- 23
- Location
- Downtown
Awesome to see so many of us making progress on 365-day projects
Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283
- Thread starter Bman
- Start date
IceMan
Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2023
Bman said:
Holy shit that is awesome af!
How do you start something like this when you've met at the spot for the pictures. I guess its a bit akward at first?
I absolutely love the direct approach to setting something up and also the 'too much nuance is lost in text' bit.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 56
Actions taken:
So when I get an idea I think that could be good, I get this itching desire to want to take action on it immediately. It just sits and burns in my mind till I do something about it. I wrote up about starting a munch in my weekly reflection yesterday. So today I had to take some action on it, even if small.
So I went to the two local bars near my place. Stopped at my go to coffee bars I take my dates to and asked which days they are least busy. The reason I asked this was so I can make it beneficial for them to have a meetup going on because I'm bringing them business on a slow day. This is a really chill location, hipster vibe, with lots of drink and food options and really friendly staff.
Then went to the bigger bar across the street. This place is actually two bars with a large patio in between. Asked the bartender there the same question. He told it wouldn't matter because they have so much room and heavily staffed. Then he asked what kind of meetup and I just told him straight up its a kinky meetup. Shook hands, exchanged names, and left. This place is more a party vibe, only has alcoholic options, but lots bar games and such. The yelp reviews are pretty low though with a lot of people saying the bartenders always have an attitude (which I kinda sensed talking with the guy).
I also perused the site Peerspace which is basically AirBnB for commercial space owners to rent out spaces for events. Being that its Austin, there are some pretty eclectic spaces. A few around my part of town could work for an event and only cost $100-200/hr. Was just curious to know in case the munch grows and the group wants to do an event.
My idea is to call it YAK Club (Young and Kinky) and limit it to 18-35yo. It's similar to yacht club, comes with a prebuilt mascot, and is inconspicuous to vanillas. There is another group that is nationwide with a chapter here in Austin called TNG which does the same. However they focus on education and events, where this would be more of a social group. I already looked on Fetlife and there is not any major groups called that already. Also domains are available. My thoughts are that I can start a weekly munch, use the other groups I'm a part of to bring the first people, grow it, and then when I start travelling I can hand it off to someone else to run. Then in each city that I travel to and spend 3 months in, I start a new YAK Club in that city and fold it into the network of other clubs I started, all connected with a group on Fetlife and the website. The guy I wrote about here would be perfect to partner with in Austin and hand off to because he's knowledgeable with events, sociable, and well, good looking.
Sooo... yeah, I kind of get obsessed with new ideas. But it blows me away sometimes how much people talk and never even take small actions to see if an idea is viable.
Anyways, next steps are to pick a day, throw it up on Fet, invite some people from the other groups, and see what happens.
---------------------------------------------------
Andy did a video on this.
Basically you hookup with a girl, tell her you do erotic photography, show her some of your past work, and shoot at your place. I used to do freelance photography so I have professional lights and equipment. So I just set it up in my apartment and had her come over.
It's not really awkward because I've already fucked her multiple times beforehand. Now if this was a girl you have never slept with, it will probably be more tense.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Started scouting munch locations
So when I get an idea I think that could be good, I get this itching desire to want to take action on it immediately. It just sits and burns in my mind till I do something about it. I wrote up about starting a munch in my weekly reflection yesterday. So today I had to take some action on it, even if small.
So I went to the two local bars near my place. Stopped at my go to coffee bars I take my dates to and asked which days they are least busy. The reason I asked this was so I can make it beneficial for them to have a meetup going on because I'm bringing them business on a slow day. This is a really chill location, hipster vibe, with lots of drink and food options and really friendly staff.
Then went to the bigger bar across the street. This place is actually two bars with a large patio in between. Asked the bartender there the same question. He told it wouldn't matter because they have so much room and heavily staffed. Then he asked what kind of meetup and I just told him straight up its a kinky meetup. Shook hands, exchanged names, and left. This place is more a party vibe, only has alcoholic options, but lots bar games and such. The yelp reviews are pretty low though with a lot of people saying the bartenders always have an attitude (which I kinda sensed talking with the guy).
I also perused the site Peerspace which is basically AirBnB for commercial space owners to rent out spaces for events. Being that its Austin, there are some pretty eclectic spaces. A few around my part of town could work for an event and only cost $100-200/hr. Was just curious to know in case the munch grows and the group wants to do an event.
My idea is to call it YAK Club (Young and Kinky) and limit it to 18-35yo. It's similar to yacht club, comes with a prebuilt mascot, and is inconspicuous to vanillas. There is another group that is nationwide with a chapter here in Austin called TNG which does the same. However they focus on education and events, where this would be more of a social group. I already looked on Fetlife and there is not any major groups called that already. Also domains are available. My thoughts are that I can start a weekly munch, use the other groups I'm a part of to bring the first people, grow it, and then when I start travelling I can hand it off to someone else to run. Then in each city that I travel to and spend 3 months in, I start a new YAK Club in that city and fold it into the network of other clubs I started, all connected with a group on Fetlife and the website. The guy I wrote about here would be perfect to partner with in Austin and hand off to because he's knowledgeable with events, sociable, and well, good looking.
Sooo... yeah, I kind of get obsessed with new ideas. But it blows me away sometimes how much people talk and never even take small actions to see if an idea is viable.
Anyways, next steps are to pick a day, throw it up on Fet, invite some people from the other groups, and see what happens.
---------------------------------------------------
IceMan said:
Andy did a video on this.
Basically you hookup with a girl, tell her you do erotic photography, show her some of your past work, and shoot at your place. I used to do freelance photography so I have professional lights and equipment. So I just set it up in my apartment and had her come over.
It's not really awkward because I've already fucked her multiple times beforehand. Now if this was a girl you have never slept with, it will probably be more tense.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 57
Actions taken:
Well I did that yesterday. I was actually a bit nervous about it because my brain started worrying about being embarrassed if no one came, looking foolish, etc. Reality is, none of that matters. Just try it. See if it works. If it doesn't, well try it a different way. I'm not expecting dozens of people the first time. Just a few would be cool because it will grow from word of mouth afterwards. Of course I'm actively trying to promote it to other munches/groups. Worse case, zero people show but at least I did something that scared me.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Scheduled the first munch for next Monday
Bman said:
Well I did that yesterday. I was actually a bit nervous about it because my brain started worrying about being embarrassed if no one came, looking foolish, etc. Reality is, none of that matters. Just try it. See if it works. If it doesn't, well try it a different way. I'm not expecting dozens of people the first time. Just a few would be cool because it will grow from word of mouth afterwards. Of course I'm actively trying to promote it to other munches/groups. Worse case, zero people show but at least I did something that scared me.
Slickbackkhair
Member
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2020
Bman said:
I love this. I especially love how you had to remind yourself "be selfish" while you were texting her.
This is something I've definitely struggled with in the past too. Kudos!
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 58
Actions taken:
Pretty regular day just cranking out a bunch of work related stuff and hitting the gym.
------------------
Actually I am pretty confident about running it and getting it going. Just had that initial knee jerk fear when you start something new. Not that I ever let that stop me before.
There's always a spot open for The Dom.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
Pretty regular day just cranking out a bunch of work related stuff and hitting the gym.
------------------
AskTheDom said:
Actually I am pretty confident about running it and getting it going. Just had that initial knee jerk fear when you start something new. Not that I ever let that stop me before.
There's always a spot open for The Dom.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 59
Actions taken:
I've written about this before, but my mom suffers from severe PTSD. Her friend called today saying she had a breakdown a few weeks ago and described behavior that is evidence she'll most likely have another episode soon. I know it being winter, and that she thinks about family members who passed away in December and January many years ago, this time of year is always dark for her. Her friend, rightfully so, is concerned for her. When she spoke with me on the phone, she just kept saying "maybe you can do something..." and "tell me what to do..." I tried to remain as calm as possible and basically tell her there is not much we can do. What I felt like was this woman wanted me to jump on a plane today and come fix the situation.
What this woman doesn't know is I've tried to help in the past. Getting her to treatment. Talking with doctors. Talking with family. Showing up when she's having a breakdown. Trying to help her with her situation.
She doesn't know the half a dozen times my mom has been impatient, gotten help for a few weeks, and then discharged because she is actually very high functioning. Then to breakdown again in another month.
She doesn't know the years of having my mom completely lose it, thinking I bugged her house, thinking I'm conspiring against her, and blowing up my phone for several hours at a time.
She doesn't know that my whole childhood growing up with just her and I that she also had grand mall seizures. My mom had several throughout my childhood, and every time I just had to watch and wait. Wait to see if this was the time she was not going to wake up. Then when she did, I had to watch her for several more hours while her brain reset. Reality was she did die once, luckily she was working at a hospital at the time and they could immediately revive her.
Truth is, when you watch your mother "die" so many times, you accept that one day she will. When you see your mother have so many breakdowns, you accept she is not the same woman you grew up with.
This is only one person in life I've seen much pain from. I've watched my father try to kill himself. I seen many go to jail or prison. I've watch both sides of my family tear each other apart.
You can't crawl in other peoples heads and fight their demons for them. I've tried.
What I do know is this: whatever semblance of my mother still exists, she loves me and wants me to succeed in life. Every time she has a breakdown or emergency, she always tells the people around her NOT to tell me. She does not want me to sacrifice my life in order to support hers.
It was part of the reason I moved. Because if I stayed in the same city, I would always be playing firefighter. The reality is I could get on a plane, "fix the situation", and it be back where it was in just a few weeks. So then do I just perpetually keep "fixing it", living in resentment as I extinguish my own ambitions in order to "be there for her"? I can't force her to do anything. I can't remove the mental illness and neither can the hospital. I can't wave a magic wand.
What I can do is live my life. I can continue to honor her wishes, the same ones she struggled to lift us from poverty with, that I'd live a better life than she endured. I can love her. I can support her after maintaining myself. But love is not self sacrifice.
Reality of the situation is my mother will probably have another episode, go to the hospital, do some therapy, get meds, and start feeling better when spring comes around. We've been on this rollercoaster before.
I feel like I get judged by these people for not doing more or just being there to help her all the time. Like I'm scum. But every time I try to do what I feel is right. What both I and my mother would want.
I did not start out to write this much. But in spirit of the 365 project, I guess I'm just showing that not all "masculine, self affirming action" is roses and sunshine. Sometimes its making decisions in shitty times when there is no right answer.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Remaining true to the decision I feel is right
I've written about this before, but my mom suffers from severe PTSD. Her friend called today saying she had a breakdown a few weeks ago and described behavior that is evidence she'll most likely have another episode soon. I know it being winter, and that she thinks about family members who passed away in December and January many years ago, this time of year is always dark for her. Her friend, rightfully so, is concerned for her. When she spoke with me on the phone, she just kept saying "maybe you can do something..." and "tell me what to do..." I tried to remain as calm as possible and basically tell her there is not much we can do. What I felt like was this woman wanted me to jump on a plane today and come fix the situation.
What this woman doesn't know is I've tried to help in the past. Getting her to treatment. Talking with doctors. Talking with family. Showing up when she's having a breakdown. Trying to help her with her situation.
She doesn't know the half a dozen times my mom has been impatient, gotten help for a few weeks, and then discharged because she is actually very high functioning. Then to breakdown again in another month.
She doesn't know the years of having my mom completely lose it, thinking I bugged her house, thinking I'm conspiring against her, and blowing up my phone for several hours at a time.
She doesn't know that my whole childhood growing up with just her and I that she also had grand mall seizures. My mom had several throughout my childhood, and every time I just had to watch and wait. Wait to see if this was the time she was not going to wake up. Then when she did, I had to watch her for several more hours while her brain reset. Reality was she did die once, luckily she was working at a hospital at the time and they could immediately revive her.
Truth is, when you watch your mother "die" so many times, you accept that one day she will. When you see your mother have so many breakdowns, you accept she is not the same woman you grew up with.
This is only one person in life I've seen much pain from. I've watched my father try to kill himself. I seen many go to jail or prison. I've watch both sides of my family tear each other apart.
You can't crawl in other peoples heads and fight their demons for them. I've tried.
What I do know is this: whatever semblance of my mother still exists, she loves me and wants me to succeed in life. Every time she has a breakdown or emergency, she always tells the people around her NOT to tell me. She does not want me to sacrifice my life in order to support hers.
It was part of the reason I moved. Because if I stayed in the same city, I would always be playing firefighter. The reality is I could get on a plane, "fix the situation", and it be back where it was in just a few weeks. So then do I just perpetually keep "fixing it", living in resentment as I extinguish my own ambitions in order to "be there for her"? I can't force her to do anything. I can't remove the mental illness and neither can the hospital. I can't wave a magic wand.
What I can do is live my life. I can continue to honor her wishes, the same ones she struggled to lift us from poverty with, that I'd live a better life than she endured. I can love her. I can support her after maintaining myself. But love is not self sacrifice.
Reality of the situation is my mother will probably have another episode, go to the hospital, do some therapy, get meds, and start feeling better when spring comes around. We've been on this rollercoaster before.
I feel like I get judged by these people for not doing more or just being there to help her all the time. Like I'm scum. But every time I try to do what I feel is right. What both I and my mother would want.
I did not start out to write this much. But in spirit of the 365 project, I guess I'm just showing that not all "masculine, self affirming action" is roses and sunshine. Sometimes its making decisions in shitty times when there is no right answer.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 60
Actions taken:
So Dancer Girl was supposed to come over today for the lock-in lay, but ATX has been having power outages all week from the ice storm so she said she was not going to make it today. Will try to get her over early next week, but not holding my breath.
However, this meant my night had freed up. I was just going to read this evening, but then remembered there was a munch going on in my part of the city. At first I really did not feel like going, but figured it would be good to promote my munch there so I went out anyways. I already asked the organizers if it was cool to promote, so I ended up doing an announcement to the whole group while there. Had to laugh because a few people were butthurt that I was capping my munch at 18-35yo. Apparently the organizers had also been mildly gossiping about it already also. Cool with me, all publicity is good publicity.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Promoted my munch at another munch
So Dancer Girl was supposed to come over today for the lock-in lay, but ATX has been having power outages all week from the ice storm so she said she was not going to make it today. Will try to get her over early next week, but not holding my breath.
However, this meant my night had freed up. I was just going to read this evening, but then remembered there was a munch going on in my part of the city. At first I really did not feel like going, but figured it would be good to promote my munch there so I went out anyways. I already asked the organizers if it was cool to promote, so I ended up doing an announcement to the whole group while there. Had to laugh because a few people were butthurt that I was capping my munch at 18-35yo. Apparently the organizers had also been mildly gossiping about it already also. Cool with me, all publicity is good publicity.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 61
Actions taken:
Had a date, pulled, tops off, but no lay. I was feeling pretty indifferent yesterday before going into the date. Neither excited nor put off by having the date later. The girl was 33yo, cute, fit, but not like DNA tuggingly hot. Also went in assuming the yes with this one, so I really felt that this girl needed to either give little resistance or make an impression on me because I did not feel like overcoming resistance yesterday.
We had the date at the coffee bar and sat inside. The seats inside only have one long bench along the wall and a single seat on the other side of a bistro table. Originally we sat opposite of each other, with her on the bench, so I just got up and sat next to her. She talked about psychedelics, being a coach, recently exploring her sexuality more, "calling things into her life", and so on. Again, I was feeling pretty indifferent and did not really feel like talking so I was not investing much at all. I asked a couple questions, gave deep eye contact when I felt like it, and just let her go on. I could tell when she's nervous she talks.
At one point she mentioned, "Oh, if I'm talking too much please stop me."
"Trust me. I'll let you know."
She'd recently experienced being whipped and wanted to show me the marks on her back. So she turned around and took her overshirt off. I ran my hand over her back beneath the straps of her tank top feeling the marks. I do wish I had practiced more touching escalation during the date, but this was at least a start.
We talked a bit about boundaries, other partners, ect. Then I went for the pull.
"My place is close. Let's go back."
"And what would you like to unfold there?"
"I'd be up for playing tonight (if you make this easy)."
*Closes eyes* "Hmm, I've never done more than making out on the first date."
Ok. We'll see about that.
We left for my place. Here I wish I would have started the makeout in the car before going into the apartment. But we got in, she played with the dog a bit, complimented me on how well trained she was and sat down in the one chair in my apartment. I put music on, took off my jacket and sat on the bed. Immediately I told her to come sit with me. We chatted briefly again for minute before I pulled her in to kiss. She was actually a decent kisser which was nice. She also loved playing with me beard.
Then she pulled away...
"I'm just saying what is feeling present for me right now. I'm a little nervous..."
"I'm not nervous. But it's ok to be nervous."
...and I pulled her back in.
She mentioned a tantra retreat she's going on in 2 weeks so I asked her if shed ever had tantric sex, she replied no, so I showed her the yab yum pose, pulling her body onto my lap. We made out more before I threw her into the bed to aggressively makeout and bite her. Here I escalated with my shirt off > pulling her shirt to the side to bite on one breast > getting her shirt off.
When I told her to take her shirt off she said ok but the pants were going to stay on tonight. From the beginning I knew her puzzle was two things: being very spiritual and wanting to be overtaken by a very dominant guy. She's a masochist brat who wants to give resistance and be taken. There were a few times as we wrestled around while making out that she wanted to see how strong I was and resist me pinning her down (which she utterly failed lol).
To be honest, after the long week I had and especially dealing with the incident with my mother a few days earlier, I didn't feel like being aggressive. I felt like being treated like a king, rather than a warrior. What I needed was a very feminine woman, with bubbly energy and soft, serving touch. Something like Cinderella Girl. Or the young, lusty energy of Wednesday Girl or Dancer Girl. I also mentioned this girl was cute, not so hot that she could have pulled out of me that aggressive dominance because I wanted to fuck her so much. So I did not feel much like having sex, at least not the kind she may have wanted then. So I just enjoyed her company, had her rub my shoulders some, made out a bunch, bit her nipples pretty hard to make her squirm everywhere, and chatted a bit.
She was funny because she was mentioning that it was a big step for her to take her shirt off so quickly. She was saying that she likes to have boundaries but can be persuaded to push them...
"I don't want this to happen tonight. But like, if the guy starts sliding his hand down my pants, I can give consent by not saying no. Or I can just pull his hand up and say not tonight and..."
I just looked her dead in the eye mid sentence, smirked, and said "I know that. If I had wanted to do that tonight I could have. I didn't feel like it tonight."
She ended up telling me later that her biggest fantasy is to be taken and forced by a really strong man. Totally called that. I told her it was pretty normal for her to fantasize about that.
During our conversation I mentioned getting up at 4:30am and usually in bed at 8 or 9.
"Oh then I should probably see myself out soon."
"I'll kick you out when I want you out." Which I could see her physically relax some.
You're here because I'm allowing you to be here. I'm just enjoying your company.
We chatted about schedules next week.
"So I'm sensing you'd still like to hang out together again?"
Oh B. You made this girl a bit self conscious. Have a little more empathy next time.
"Yeah. I'd be up for it."
She also grabbed my Fet which made me laugh to myself because she is going to see the pictures of me fucking Spiritual Girl that I just uploaded earlier this week.
As we got dressed she needed to undo her pants to tuck her shirt in. So I stopped her, bent over and bit her panty line and snapped them against her. Just as one final reminder that had I wanted to, I would have. Walked her down to her car, pinned her against it, and kissed her goodbye.
Now in my eyes, what I failed to do here was more explicitly make my desires known. This girl didn't know what I needed and I didn't tell her. She really likes being told what to do, so had I told her what I needed she may have been willing to shift to that soft feminine energy. Or after taming her brattiness she could have sunk into that. I just wasn't turned on enough to make the effort. I did tell her I like being called Daddy and if she mixed that with her brattiness, begged, or if she moaned loudly I get really turned on. She was shy to do those things still. I'd also asked her to show me her massage skills after she said she had learned some recently. So at least I wasn't totally silent what I wanted.
Also, after having sex with Dancer Girl, I was really wanting younger, tighter girls. And I knew there would be another girl in this same spot next week or I could call over a plate if I really wanted sex. So this girl was going to have to do something to really turn me on right then. I was feeling pretty entitled, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But just like she had not shown me why I should be aggressively dominant towards her, I had not shown her why she should fully submit to me in the way I wanted. I can have a lot of fun being a brat tamer, just not what I needed yesterday.
So chalking this up to a mismatch of desires at that moment in time. I'm up for seeing her again if she fits in with my schedule. I could see myself having fun with her when I'm feeling like being aggressive. And I enjoy her company. But also equally indifferent if we don't end up hooking up. I'm not going out of my way to chase her.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Went on date & didn't chase
Had a date, pulled, tops off, but no lay. I was feeling pretty indifferent yesterday before going into the date. Neither excited nor put off by having the date later. The girl was 33yo, cute, fit, but not like DNA tuggingly hot. Also went in assuming the yes with this one, so I really felt that this girl needed to either give little resistance or make an impression on me because I did not feel like overcoming resistance yesterday.
We had the date at the coffee bar and sat inside. The seats inside only have one long bench along the wall and a single seat on the other side of a bistro table. Originally we sat opposite of each other, with her on the bench, so I just got up and sat next to her. She talked about psychedelics, being a coach, recently exploring her sexuality more, "calling things into her life", and so on. Again, I was feeling pretty indifferent and did not really feel like talking so I was not investing much at all. I asked a couple questions, gave deep eye contact when I felt like it, and just let her go on. I could tell when she's nervous she talks.
At one point she mentioned, "Oh, if I'm talking too much please stop me."
"Trust me. I'll let you know."
She'd recently experienced being whipped and wanted to show me the marks on her back. So she turned around and took her overshirt off. I ran my hand over her back beneath the straps of her tank top feeling the marks. I do wish I had practiced more touching escalation during the date, but this was at least a start.
We talked a bit about boundaries, other partners, ect. Then I went for the pull.
"My place is close. Let's go back."
"And what would you like to unfold there?"
"I'd be up for playing tonight (if you make this easy)."
*Closes eyes* "Hmm, I've never done more than making out on the first date."
Ok. We'll see about that.
We left for my place. Here I wish I would have started the makeout in the car before going into the apartment. But we got in, she played with the dog a bit, complimented me on how well trained she was and sat down in the one chair in my apartment. I put music on, took off my jacket and sat on the bed. Immediately I told her to come sit with me. We chatted briefly again for minute before I pulled her in to kiss. She was actually a decent kisser which was nice. She also loved playing with me beard.
Then she pulled away...
"I'm just saying what is feeling present for me right now. I'm a little nervous..."
"I'm not nervous. But it's ok to be nervous."
...and I pulled her back in.
She mentioned a tantra retreat she's going on in 2 weeks so I asked her if shed ever had tantric sex, she replied no, so I showed her the yab yum pose, pulling her body onto my lap. We made out more before I threw her into the bed to aggressively makeout and bite her. Here I escalated with my shirt off > pulling her shirt to the side to bite on one breast > getting her shirt off.
When I told her to take her shirt off she said ok but the pants were going to stay on tonight. From the beginning I knew her puzzle was two things: being very spiritual and wanting to be overtaken by a very dominant guy. She's a masochist brat who wants to give resistance and be taken. There were a few times as we wrestled around while making out that she wanted to see how strong I was and resist me pinning her down (which she utterly failed lol).
To be honest, after the long week I had and especially dealing with the incident with my mother a few days earlier, I didn't feel like being aggressive. I felt like being treated like a king, rather than a warrior. What I needed was a very feminine woman, with bubbly energy and soft, serving touch. Something like Cinderella Girl. Or the young, lusty energy of Wednesday Girl or Dancer Girl. I also mentioned this girl was cute, not so hot that she could have pulled out of me that aggressive dominance because I wanted to fuck her so much. So I did not feel much like having sex, at least not the kind she may have wanted then. So I just enjoyed her company, had her rub my shoulders some, made out a bunch, bit her nipples pretty hard to make her squirm everywhere, and chatted a bit.
She was funny because she was mentioning that it was a big step for her to take her shirt off so quickly. She was saying that she likes to have boundaries but can be persuaded to push them...
"I don't want this to happen tonight. But like, if the guy starts sliding his hand down my pants, I can give consent by not saying no. Or I can just pull his hand up and say not tonight and..."
I just looked her dead in the eye mid sentence, smirked, and said "I know that. If I had wanted to do that tonight I could have. I didn't feel like it tonight."
She ended up telling me later that her biggest fantasy is to be taken and forced by a really strong man. Totally called that. I told her it was pretty normal for her to fantasize about that.
During our conversation I mentioned getting up at 4:30am and usually in bed at 8 or 9.
"Oh then I should probably see myself out soon."
"I'll kick you out when I want you out." Which I could see her physically relax some.
You're here because I'm allowing you to be here. I'm just enjoying your company.
We chatted about schedules next week.
"So I'm sensing you'd still like to hang out together again?"
Oh B. You made this girl a bit self conscious. Have a little more empathy next time.
"Yeah. I'd be up for it."
She also grabbed my Fet which made me laugh to myself because she is going to see the pictures of me fucking Spiritual Girl that I just uploaded earlier this week.
As we got dressed she needed to undo her pants to tuck her shirt in. So I stopped her, bent over and bit her panty line and snapped them against her. Just as one final reminder that had I wanted to, I would have. Walked her down to her car, pinned her against it, and kissed her goodbye.
Now in my eyes, what I failed to do here was more explicitly make my desires known. This girl didn't know what I needed and I didn't tell her. She really likes being told what to do, so had I told her what I needed she may have been willing to shift to that soft feminine energy. Or after taming her brattiness she could have sunk into that. I just wasn't turned on enough to make the effort. I did tell her I like being called Daddy and if she mixed that with her brattiness, begged, or if she moaned loudly I get really turned on. She was shy to do those things still. I'd also asked her to show me her massage skills after she said she had learned some recently. So at least I wasn't totally silent what I wanted.
Also, after having sex with Dancer Girl, I was really wanting younger, tighter girls. And I knew there would be another girl in this same spot next week or I could call over a plate if I really wanted sex. So this girl was going to have to do something to really turn me on right then. I was feeling pretty entitled, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But just like she had not shown me why I should be aggressively dominant towards her, I had not shown her why she should fully submit to me in the way I wanted. I can have a lot of fun being a brat tamer, just not what I needed yesterday.
So chalking this up to a mismatch of desires at that moment in time. I'm up for seeing her again if she fits in with my schedule. I could see myself having fun with her when I'm feeling like being aggressive. And I enjoy her company. But also equally indifferent if we don't end up hooking up. I'm not going out of my way to chase her.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 63
Actions taken:
So the girl from Day 61 above (we'll call her Psychedelic Girl) wanted to hookup today. Actually she tried yesterday sending me a text that her "afternoon was unexpectedly free" but I told her Sundays were my solo days. She then texted me this morning asking what my afternoon was like. I told if she could come over between work and when my munch started then we could hookup. She happily obliged.
So I fucked her, quickly took a shower, and went off to host my first munch. Had 9 people show for the first one which isn't bad. Only 2 women that I was not attracted to. But all of us ended up sitting at a big circular table and having great conversation and laughing. And everyone stayed for the whole time. Not bad for the first. 40 people did the "maybe" RSVP and it looked like there were a few attractive women in there, so hopefully they make it out to the next ones. Plan is to host this weekly so word spreads fast. I also wore red pants so people could spot me when they got there. Will probably wear them to any event I go to now so it becomes a calling card and people know exactly who I am.
Psychedelic Girl said she'd like to keep seeing me and wanted to come out to one of my munches because she had training program to attend and could not come out tonight. She said it would be fun to fuck, then go to the munch, and fuck again. Seems like a great idea to take my girls to these and use them as preselection.
Lay report to come tomorrow.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Squeezed a new lay in my schedule
- Hosted my first munch
So the girl from Day 61 above (we'll call her Psychedelic Girl) wanted to hookup today. Actually she tried yesterday sending me a text that her "afternoon was unexpectedly free" but I told her Sundays were my solo days. She then texted me this morning asking what my afternoon was like. I told if she could come over between work and when my munch started then we could hookup. She happily obliged.
So I fucked her, quickly took a shower, and went off to host my first munch. Had 9 people show for the first one which isn't bad. Only 2 women that I was not attracted to. But all of us ended up sitting at a big circular table and having great conversation and laughing. And everyone stayed for the whole time. Not bad for the first. 40 people did the "maybe" RSVP and it looked like there were a few attractive women in there, so hopefully they make it out to the next ones. Plan is to host this weekly so word spreads fast. I also wore red pants so people could spot me when they got there. Will probably wear them to any event I go to now so it becomes a calling card and people know exactly who I am.
Psychedelic Girl said she'd like to keep seeing me and wanted to come out to one of my munches because she had training program to attend and could not come out tonight. She said it would be fun to fuck, then go to the munch, and fuck again. Seems like a great idea to take my girls to these and use them as preselection.
Lay report to come tomorrow.
Manly Cockfellow
Member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2022
Bman said:
And you didn't!
Nice work putting yourself first boss
Connor McGregor would be proud
(and for what it's worth I think you handled the very difficult situation with you mother very well - she'll be ok, and like you said, she wants you to be ok, so keep building yourself into the elite man you both know you were born to be)
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 65
Actions taken:
Though I did not need to explain myself, I did let Psychadelic Girl know I was in a poor headspace the other night and emotionally closed off for the most part. Told her I did a poor job of making my needs more explicit, which as a Dom was a shortcoming. She's been very vulnerable and open our last two interactions, so I wanted to level with her. Told her I was not looking for sympathy, just wanted her to know I did have good time. She was very receptive, appreciated it, and we've already planned on her being back over next Monday.
So remember when I said this...
Well I got the text today that I "should" do that with a guilt trip attached to it. She sent me a video of my mom sitting outside by herself, talking to herself, and waving her hand around.
Yes, thank you. I know what my mother looks like when she's having an episode. But I understand you're not used to dealing with those who have mental health disorders...
I told her I would not be flying to WA. I did not explain myself.
Instead I told her I will be having my good friend who is behavioral coach who works with mental health patients will be stopping by. Yesterday I had brought up the situation at my men's group. One of the men there, who is a recent addition in the last 6 months, asked about her situation and offered to help. Initially I had the classic "lone wolf, that's very generous and I appreciate it, but I don't want to burden" gesture I've been wired to do in the past. This morning I woke up to an email from him offering a more substantial idea of what we could do.
I almost cried.
So long I've done things on my own. I put in the work for myself. I put in the work for others. I take responsibility. I don't bitch about it. I just go on. Someone's got to do it. But to know that I have done that long enough I have attracted people in my life that genuinely want to help because I've been there for them, it's immense.
Anyways, he's going to go over and check on my mom. But I explained to him on the phone that really I need him to go over and explain to these other people the situation. He totally get's it because he works with mental health patients all the time.
Afterwards, he's going to help me by going once or twice a week to visit my mom. We are going to work together to help her start eating a keto diet, getting outside in the sun, sleeping better, getting her some sort of physical exercise, and having her interacting with other people to start. Eventually we'll tackle finding some sort of volunteer type work for her to have purpose in. All of this to allow her body to start healing itself and put her seizures and mental health disorders in remission.
And no this is not some hippy dippy BS. There is quite a bit of scientific research on these items for improving mitochondrial health > healing the body so it heals itself > improving brain health. The keto diet also war originally designed for seizures. I stabilized my own mental health and healed my own gut dysfunction in similar fashion. Really it's called being a human. We just lost that somewhere along the way.
So I'm utilizing the resources at my disposal, with the knowledge I have, to try solve the problem in a way that I'm not sacrificing myself.
What more can you ask of a man?
Then my reward for today's work? Dancer girl was supposed to come over today but sent me the "I'm really busy/ dont want to take things further" text. Genuinely believe she is actually too busy right now because she does a shit ton and we've tried to reschedule twice, both time her being enthusiastic about it. Was bummed because she was a hottie and was looking forward to sleeping with her again. No worries. There will be another one.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Expressed emotions to Psychedelic Girl
Though I did not need to explain myself, I did let Psychadelic Girl know I was in a poor headspace the other night and emotionally closed off for the most part. Told her I did a poor job of making my needs more explicit, which as a Dom was a shortcoming. She's been very vulnerable and open our last two interactions, so I wanted to level with her. Told her I was not looking for sympathy, just wanted her to know I did have good time. She was very receptive, appreciated it, and we've already planned on her being back over next Monday.
- Firmly stated boundary that I was not flying back home
- Accepted help
- Utilized resources at hand to help solve the situation with my mother's mental health
So remember when I said this...
Bman said:
Well I got the text today that I "should" do that with a guilt trip attached to it. She sent me a video of my mom sitting outside by herself, talking to herself, and waving her hand around.
Yes, thank you. I know what my mother looks like when she's having an episode. But I understand you're not used to dealing with those who have mental health disorders...
I told her I would not be flying to WA. I did not explain myself.
Instead I told her I will be having my good friend who is behavioral coach who works with mental health patients will be stopping by. Yesterday I had brought up the situation at my men's group. One of the men there, who is a recent addition in the last 6 months, asked about her situation and offered to help. Initially I had the classic "lone wolf, that's very generous and I appreciate it, but I don't want to burden" gesture I've been wired to do in the past. This morning I woke up to an email from him offering a more substantial idea of what we could do.
I almost cried.
So long I've done things on my own. I put in the work for myself. I put in the work for others. I take responsibility. I don't bitch about it. I just go on. Someone's got to do it. But to know that I have done that long enough I have attracted people in my life that genuinely want to help because I've been there for them, it's immense.
Anyways, he's going to go over and check on my mom. But I explained to him on the phone that really I need him to go over and explain to these other people the situation. He totally get's it because he works with mental health patients all the time.
Afterwards, he's going to help me by going once or twice a week to visit my mom. We are going to work together to help her start eating a keto diet, getting outside in the sun, sleeping better, getting her some sort of physical exercise, and having her interacting with other people to start. Eventually we'll tackle finding some sort of volunteer type work for her to have purpose in. All of this to allow her body to start healing itself and put her seizures and mental health disorders in remission.
And no this is not some hippy dippy BS. There is quite a bit of scientific research on these items for improving mitochondrial health > healing the body so it heals itself > improving brain health. The keto diet also war originally designed for seizures. I stabilized my own mental health and healed my own gut dysfunction in similar fashion. Really it's called being a human. We just lost that somewhere along the way.
So I'm utilizing the resources at my disposal, with the knowledge I have, to try solve the problem in a way that I'm not sacrificing myself.
What more can you ask of a man?
Then my reward for today's work? Dancer girl was supposed to come over today but sent me the "I'm really busy/ dont want to take things further" text. Genuinely believe she is actually too busy right now because she does a shit ton and we've tried to reschedule twice, both time her being enthusiastic about it. Was bummed because she was a hottie and was looking forward to sleeping with her again. No worries. There will be another one.
MILFandCookies
Member
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2020
- Goal
- Monetary Freedom
- Age
- 31
- Motto
- Life is meant to be lived, not just survived
There's not much I can add here except to say how awesome this is. Boundary setting and integrity on fleek my man. Keep it up 
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 66
Actions taken:
Continuing from yesterday...
My friend visited my mother and this woman who is her landlord. My friend spent 5 mins with my mom and 60 minutes with the landlord lady, because as I suspected, the lady needed more emotional stabilizing than my mother did.
My friend called me and gave his assessment. Just as I suspected, her behavior right now looks "crazy" compared to a normal functioning person, but is pretty normal for someone with her issues. She's of no harm to herself or others. Hysteric, manic, and schizophrenic looking? Yes. But still functionable and somewhat rationale.
So the real problem was calming down the landlord. So I faced it head on and spoke with her.
I started the convo by asking specifically what her concerns were. I listened to each of them. Completely understandable she is nervous and worried about her own mother that is roommates with my mom. She's nervous about the neighbors complaining. She wants my mother to be better RIGHT NOW or be better very soon.
I calmly explained to her that this is not something that just goes away overnight. I empathized with her that I know its difficult and scary to deal with someone like this. I explained how this naturally goes. I told her I will not fly there. That will not solve the situation or speed up the process.
Then I said "I need you to be very honest with me. Do you want my mother there in this state or does she need to find another place to live?"
5 minutes of nervous womanease dodging the question...
"Be very blunt. Do you want my mother there in this state or does she need to find another place to live?"
"Ohhh... No. I don't want her here."
Basically this lady wants to see the erratic behavior improve or she wants my mom out. Now I don't want to paint this lady as a mean person. She's quite sweet and really really likes my mom being there and does not want to put her out. But she is also protecting her mom. Just like I'm protecting mine.
Rock<...Us...>Hard Place
So I coached her. I told her that she needed to speak with my mother and tell her what she just told me. She needs to do it very explicitly.
"Ohhh, thats so uncomfortable to do..."
"You need to do it because you are the landlord."
I told her that when she did this it will trigger my mom to use her brain and find a solution. She may be crazy, but she's still smart and a survivor. What I forsee happening is one of the following:
We don't have family there to help. I don't have money to put her up somewhere.
Now the trailer she owned and that I grew up in she lost before from a long mental episode. When that happened she acquired a small camper truck, lived in it for a while, and eventually found people to live with. She's resourceful. She can figure stuff out.
I'd love nothing more than to just buy my mom a house and let her quietly live there. She could have the space she needs to have her episodes and then be normal the rest of the time without worry of someone kicking her out.
Your boy ain't a wealthy entrepreneur, yet. I'm working on it. Until then, she's going to need to figure it out.
In the meantime, my brain will be working in the background for any strings I'll be able to pull from here about a new place for her. I'm doing what I can while managing myself.
I feel like I'm trying to strategically manage multiple peoples mental states here and one of them is a wild card with mental health issues. I wish other's, like this lady, would learn to manage their own emotional state when life is uncomfortable. But I understand that's difficult. But this is a good illustration of why this 365 project is important for me to do. My whole life I've dealt with "oh he's a strong, resilient lad. Let's dump our shit on him." So I learned other's come first, I'll tend to myself later. At least now I'm reaching some sort of healthy balance.
One day at a time. One problem at a time.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Managing myself while coaching others
Continuing from yesterday...
My friend visited my mother and this woman who is her landlord. My friend spent 5 mins with my mom and 60 minutes with the landlord lady, because as I suspected, the lady needed more emotional stabilizing than my mother did.
My friend called me and gave his assessment. Just as I suspected, her behavior right now looks "crazy" compared to a normal functioning person, but is pretty normal for someone with her issues. She's of no harm to herself or others. Hysteric, manic, and schizophrenic looking? Yes. But still functionable and somewhat rationale.
So the real problem was calming down the landlord. So I faced it head on and spoke with her.
I started the convo by asking specifically what her concerns were. I listened to each of them. Completely understandable she is nervous and worried about her own mother that is roommates with my mom. She's nervous about the neighbors complaining. She wants my mother to be better RIGHT NOW or be better very soon.
I calmly explained to her that this is not something that just goes away overnight. I empathized with her that I know its difficult and scary to deal with someone like this. I explained how this naturally goes. I told her I will not fly there. That will not solve the situation or speed up the process.
Then I said "I need you to be very honest with me. Do you want my mother there in this state or does she need to find another place to live?"
5 minutes of nervous womanease dodging the question...
"Be very blunt. Do you want my mother there in this state or does she need to find another place to live?"
"Ohhh... No. I don't want her here."
Basically this lady wants to see the erratic behavior improve or she wants my mom out. Now I don't want to paint this lady as a mean person. She's quite sweet and really really likes my mom being there and does not want to put her out. But she is also protecting her mom. Just like I'm protecting mine.
Rock<...Us...>Hard Place
So I coached her. I told her that she needed to speak with my mother and tell her what she just told me. She needs to do it very explicitly.
"Ohhh, thats so uncomfortable to do..."
"You need to do it because you are the landlord."
I told her that when she did this it will trigger my mom to use her brain and find a solution. She may be crazy, but she's still smart and a survivor. What I forsee happening is one of the following:
- My mom tones down her behavior and silently works through it until her episode is through several weeks later
- My mom is unable to do so, is evicted, stays with a friend for a little while before finding a new place
- My mom is evicted, doesn't have a place to go, and ends up at the hospital
We don't have family there to help. I don't have money to put her up somewhere.
Now the trailer she owned and that I grew up in she lost before from a long mental episode. When that happened she acquired a small camper truck, lived in it for a while, and eventually found people to live with. She's resourceful. She can figure stuff out.
I'd love nothing more than to just buy my mom a house and let her quietly live there. She could have the space she needs to have her episodes and then be normal the rest of the time without worry of someone kicking her out.
Your boy ain't a wealthy entrepreneur, yet. I'm working on it. Until then, she's going to need to figure it out.
In the meantime, my brain will be working in the background for any strings I'll be able to pull from here about a new place for her. I'm doing what I can while managing myself.
I feel like I'm trying to strategically manage multiple peoples mental states here and one of them is a wild card with mental health issues. I wish other's, like this lady, would learn to manage their own emotional state when life is uncomfortable. But I understand that's difficult. But this is a good illustration of why this 365 project is important for me to do. My whole life I've dealt with "oh he's a strong, resilient lad. Let's dump our shit on him." So I learned other's come first, I'll tend to myself later. At least now I'm reaching some sort of healthy balance.
One day at a time. One problem at a time.