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Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283

Day 82

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon

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natedawg said:
Good stuff man. Interested in the sites you bought from. I've been trying to find alternatives to places like Clocks & Colours (as I like those styles of jewelry) but it's a tad bit on the high end of what I'd want to pay at the moment.
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Honestly these ones I just got off Amazon so I could have a set of 10. Over time I'll probably by some higher end ones. Thanks for the recommendation, they have some cool ones on there. We seem to have a similar taste in fashion. What's some of your go to places?
 
The stuff you and Dom are doing is absolutely incredible. Really makes me want to keep pursuing “social circle” situations. Implementing leadership and masculinity to bolster your sex life is kind of what I’m trying to do right now, and I feel like it’s a good way to improve all areas of your life instead of continuing on the path of “endless Tinder 7s”.

Really inspiring stuff.
 
ytlord said:
The stuff you and Dom are doing is absolutely incredible. Really makes me want to keep pursuing “social circle” situations. Implementing leadership and masculinity to bolster your sex life is kind of what I’m trying to do right now, and I feel like it’s a good way to improve all areas of your life instead of continuing on the path of “endless Tinder 7s”.
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Thanks man. It's been a lot of fun so far. I've never really gunned for leadership positions, it usually just naturally happens as I am very aware of each persons needs in the group, make decisions very well, and not afraid to take action. However, this is the first time I've put conscious effort into it and finding it to be very enjoyable and helping me grow. The bonus is the women, the real prize is the capacity I'm building as a man.
 
Day 83

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Sunday self care day
  • Bought a Shibari course
 
Day 84

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Ran my weekly munch

OF Girl was supposed to make it out to this, but she got sick over the weekend. Which also means I'm not getting her out on a date this week either. So on hold with that one.

This munch we did at an arcade bar which was a blast. We played a 5v5 arcade game as a big group. I get hyper competitive when I play games of any kind, so I carried my team and destroyed the other team.

Then Psychedelic Girl surprised me by showing up in the last 20 minutes of the munch. She just got back from a trip and not scheduled to see each other till Saturday. But she "got some free time" this evening and showed at the munch. Clearly missed me. It was actually really sweet. We chatted for a bit, made out a little, and then I said goodbye to the rest of the group. She then offered to give me a ride back to my place. Again, a really sweet gesture. She's hyper respectful of my bed time, and my boundaries in general, so she knew I was not inviting her up to my apartment. Gave her some passionate kisses and sent her on her way.

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AskTheDom said:
SOURCE!!!!
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Here's the course. Pretty decent so far and focused more on rope bondage for sex, rather than just aesthetic or art purposes. It teaches you a few foundational single and double column ties, then shows how to use them in 25 different setups. I'm completely new to rope, so this was great for me. You might be more advanced and know some of these ties already.
 
Day 85

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Started contacting performers for a large kink event

So I'm moving forward with setting up a 50-75 person sex party/ kink event. Told the venue owner to send me over the contract information. Also started reaching out to a couple bigger names in the scene here to have them perform at the event. Turns out that they have already heard of me and good things about my munch. I've only been running it for 4 weeks, but its apparently getting around.

  • Good call w/jmand
  • Negotiated price on a van

Mentioned this a couple times, but I'm planning on building out a van for van life. Well yesterday I found one and messaged the owner. Negotiated the price down 2k. As long as nothing falls through, I should be picking it up on Thursday. Pumped for that.
 
Day 86

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Bought the van

Well pending my check clearing (which it will) I'll have completed the first step to van life: acquiring the van.

Also banks and cash payment apps and all their limits are a real pain in the ass... I just want to pay someone a large sum of money. Let me fucking doooooooo it. Ok, mini rant over. It's all good.
 
Day 87

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations

Since starting this 365 I have not had a day where I was completely giving myself over to others needs while disregarding my own. I wouldn't say I did that today; however, I am quite mentally exhausted by operating on other's time tables and being bombarded needing to attend to others. I also perpetuated my own suffering by arguing with reality and having anxiety over things out of my control. In the process I did skip out on the second meditation of the day and I can feel the difference. I'm looking forward to sleep this evening and a clean slate tomorrow. Not all days are home runs.
 
Missed the last couple days due to things going on in the evening when I normally post

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Day 88

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations

    2nd meditation in the afternoon

    Started searching for a new van

So due to the other guy not wanting to wait for the check to clear, not wanting to wait for a paypal transfer to clear, and not wanting to give his account info for me to wire him the money, the van I was buying fell through. Was slightly bummed by it because it was a great deal, but just like women, there are dozens more and I'll find another one. So I started messaging other sellers.

  • Hung out with friends at another munch

Went to another munch here and a few regulars from my munch were there. Feels pretty awesome to be building a friends group in the scene. One was a women from my munch who is decently cute, so we flirted a bit.

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Day 89

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations

    2nd meditation in the afternoon

    Led a women's group

So one of the guys in my men's group has a partner that wanted to start up a women's group. A couple weeks ago I had a call with her to coach her on how to start and lead one of these groups. Then I told her I would lead the first two meetings so she could see how they were run. So yesterday I led the first meeting for them. I was comfortable and confident in myself to be vulnerable with these women who are essentially complete strangers. This allowed all of them to really open up on there first meeting. So it went well.

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I've been in a bit of a funk this week. May update in my weekly reflection later today after the gym, or may decide to just take the time to get out in the sun this afternoon.

I will say here, I had Psychedelic Girl over yesterday morning. I had not had sex all week because frankly, I just did not feel like having one of my girls over and did not get on the apps really. So I was looking forward to having her over. Except I didn't get hard. We have a great emotional connection, but the sexual chemistry is a bit iffy. Part of it is that she's shy to expressing her pleasure and has a difficult time orgasming. So I don't get turned on as much. So I showed her a good time, tying her up to the door, using the riding crop on her, and edging her with the magic wand. Then just enjoyed the feminine company and had a good conversation with her.

Another thing is she also has multiple partners like I do. She's pretty open about them and was telling about the other dates she went on in the week. I also mentioned a bit about my partners. Her other dates she's not had sex with them and basically making them wait or "feeling out if she actually wants them as partners". Being poly is something new for me, so I'm just observing what my reactions are right now. I could tell when she started talking about the other guys I felt myself comparing and wanting to be the best of the bunch. I don't think it's jealousy, more just a competitiveness and scratching the edge of the "I'm not good enough" insecurity. She texted me later in the day that was the closet she has ever gotten to actually orgasming to the control of someone else. We'll see how the attraction level goes with her the next couple interactions.
 
Bman said:
Another thing is she also has multiple partners like I do. She's pretty open about them and was telling about the other dates she went on in the week. I also mentioned a bit about my partners.
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Interesting. I tried being poly a long time ago. With my current girl we're in an open relationship... been curious about going the poly route again and seeing if I like it. How long have you been persuing multiple relationships?
 
MILFandCookies said:
Bman said:
Another thing is she also has multiple partners like I do. She's pretty open about them and was telling about the other dates she went on in the week. I also mentioned a bit about my partners.
Click to expand...

Interesting. I tried being poly a long time ago. With my current girl we're in an open relationship... been curious about going the poly route again and seeing if I like it. How long have you been persuing multiple relationships?
Click to expand...

I guess I should clarify, I have multiple casual partners I see on a regular basis. None that I would call a committed relationship. I think that Andy just talked about this recently, but labels are shit. I've been using "poly" just as a quick way to explain to others. Really I have a small harem, with none being my main. She subsequently also has a small harem of guys (it's pretty funny to talk game with her). And both of us were previously in long term monogamous relationships. So I'm just observing how I react to knowing and HEARING one of my girls out with other guys.

I've also just started thinking about what I want more long term. I think having one "ride or die" girl who is ambitious enough to buy into my lifestyle, and a harem, with the occasional ONS sounds appealing. I know for certain I'll never be monogamous again and won't ever legally marry again. Beyond that, it's all exploration at this point still.
 
Bman said:
MILFandCookies said:
Interesting. I tried being poly a long time ago. With my current girl we're in an open relationship... been curious about going the poly route again and seeing if I like it. How long have you been persuing multiple relationships?
Click to expand...

I guess I should clarify, I have multiple casual partners I see on a regular basis. None that I would call a committed relationship. I think that Andy just talked about this recently, but labels are shit. I've been using "poly" just as a quick way to explain to others. Really I have a small harem, with none being my main. She subsequently also has a small harem of guys (it's pretty funny to talk game with her). And both of us were previously in long term monogamous relationships. So I'm just observing how I react to knowing and HEARING one of my girls out with other guys.

I've also just started thinking about what I want more long term. I think having one "ride or die" girl who is ambitious enough to buy into my lifestyle, and a harem, with the occasional ONS sounds appealing. I know for certain I'll never be monogamous again and won't ever legally marry again. Beyond that, it's all exploration at this point still.
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I'm on the same page with you about labels. Sounds like a good goal, I'm pretty much on the same page with ya there.
 
Day 90

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Sunday self care day

After the gym I took my dog out to the park and let her run around, sat in the sun, read a book, and watched a movie in the evening. Always need one day to just relax.

Also ordered some supplements to do N=1 tests on one by one to see how they effect my testosterone or libido.

Munch tomorrow, date with OF Girl on Wednesday, Spiritual Girl on Thursday, Psychedelic Girl on Saturday. Time to get back to my regular scheduled programming and fill in the other days.
 
https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=53345#p53345

You're on stud 🤠
 
Day 91

Actions taken:

  • Affirmations
  • 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  • Led my munch

Went out to get my an approach or two before my munch, but my neighborhood is not very conducive to that unfortunately. So showed up early to the munch to read. Another person showed way early so we just had a great discussion.

Munch went really well. People are having a great time and making friends. While it was happening I noticed two girls who were not part of our group sitting a couple tables away. They had looked over at our massive group in the corner a couple times. One was a hot blonde in short skirt and low cut shirt. I made the excuse in my head that I needed to tend to the munch. That was bullshit. I would have liked to approached her. Could have leveraged the status. Oh well. Onward.
 
Bman said:
I made the excuse in my head that I needed to tend to the munch. That was bullshit. I would have liked to approached her. Could have leveraged the status. Oh well. Onward.
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Much likely they overheard your discussions and probably interested.
I remember I pulled a 3some from a bar while showing to a couple of guys on a girlfriend how to use the hobble belt to tie wrists to neck and they were looking super curious.
“Hi, yeah it’s a special belt, do you use with your girlfriend too?”
From there we went to have sex the three of us few hours later (I was a bit wasted)
 
Bman said:
Munch went really well. People are having a great time and making friends. While it was happening I noticed two girls who were not part of our group sitting a couple tables away. They had looked over at our massive group in the corner a couple times. One was a hot blonde in short skirt and low cut shirt. I made the excuse in my head that I needed to tend to the munch. That was bullshit. I would have liked to approached her. Could have leveraged the status. Oh well. Onward.
Click to expand...

You are a tattooed, well-dressed, super strong and fit savant with a harem, are quickly becoming a legend in one of the biggest BDSM communities in the US, are building a startup that will save the world, and are literally preaching to your sex cult right in front of two hotties but still can't approach... what hope do the rest of us have!?


Just kidding, this game is wonderful because you get infinite tries
(as long as you don't quit)

It's also awesome because it seems to be a hurdle everyone struggles with, which means both that we are not alone, and that when we do hop it we splash down in a sea of pussy with almost no competition

You got this Bman, you're worried about getting over that hurdle now, but I guarantee in the not too distant future you're main worry will be how to avoid drowning
 
Manly Cockfellow said:
Just kidding, this game is wonderful because you get infinite tries
(as long as you don't quit)
Click to expand...

I agree with this. Every time I miss an approach attempt, I remind myself that I get infinite tries. It does wonders for my psyche & feelings of abundance.

Don't sweat it too much because you have many more coming your way.
 
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