Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283

[Bman]

Day 92

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Men's Group
  
• Ended things with Ad Girl

Been putting off doing this because it's the first time I've ended things (besides the divorce) and I did not want to hurt her feelings. But I'm not in control of how she is going to feel. So I respectfully let her down and she was very cool and understanding. She was fun, just not as attracted to her as the other girls.

• 1 Cold approach

Blonde in yoga gear at the grocery store. Had a boyfriend. I was short on time which was good because it meant I had no time to pussyfoot around about approaching her. Also meant I really didn't think about it after the approach was over. It just happened, I moved on.

 

[Bman]

You are a tattooed, well-dressed, super strong and fit savant with a harem, are quickly becoming a legend in one of the biggest BDSM communities in the US, are building a startup that will save the world, and are literally preaching to your sex cult right in front of two hotties but still can't approach... what hope do the rest of us have!?

This made me laugh. What a great reframe to think about in the moment. Thanks, Manly.

it seems to be a hurdle everyone struggles with,

I think it's a feeling that never really leaves. You just get more resilient and better equipped to overcoming the hurdle. Like yesterday, I had the same feelings arise, but was able to more quickly get over them.

Every time I miss an approach attempt, I remind myself that I get infinite tries

Exactly what I've started telling myself after I skip one, rather than lamenting on "I should have approached". The one at the munch though I wanted to note to call out my own bullshit so I was more ready for the approaches the rest of the week.

 

[Bman]

Day 93

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• 1 Cold approach

OF Girl flaked on me (and even called herself out for it lol), so went out to get another approach done today. Volume was mediocre. Caught a cute brunette walking her little bulldog who checked me out as she passed. Had a boyfriend.

SXSW is starting this weekend. Luckily my Friday night is currently open. I just moved Psychedelic Girl to Monday so she can also come out to my munch, so now I have some time Saturday also. Planning on banging out multiple approaches on those days.

 

[Bman]

Day 94

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

Almost had Spiritual Girl flake on my today because she was not feeling well this morning. But she reeeeally wanted to come over, so she said she felt better by the afternoon. She's heading into her period next week, so she said she was really tender and asked me not to fuck her so hard and less impact today. So we had some cuddly, close sex with some light dominance when fucking her mouth, lightly choking her during intercourse, and making her beg a lot. Also made her convulse so much with the magic wand she covered her head with a pillow and screamed into it because I wouldn't take it off. Then had a nice time just cuddling and chatting afterwards.

Also, just grateful today I got a new fridge. Mine has been out for a week and I've had to go buy ice everyday to keep my food from going bad. You sometimes forget how wonderful our modern day convivences are until you don't have them. So pretty grateful for that.

 

[Bman]

Day 95

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Booked event venue & bought event insurance

Signed the contract & bought event insurance to host up to a 75 person BDSM party on April 29th. Have also wrangled in someone from my munch who has a performance and theater background to help plan the event, performances, and so on. She's also pretty connected here so she's helping secure another DJ, photobooth, and performers.

Although I've never done something like this, I'm just taking it all one step at a time. I'm allowing others to help as they volunteer and delegating out responsibility. I feel confident I'll figure out each thing as I go.

Next steps are to build a landing page for event info, get the event on Fet, secure performers, and start selling tickets.

Fucking wild.

• 1 Cold approach

To be honest, skipped a few when going out yesterday. However I approached a cutie standing at the end of the line for a SXSW event. She wanted to give me her IG, told her I don't use socials, and she said she doesn't give out her number. She then she'd be at another event in the evening and maybe she'd see me there.

 

[AskTheDom]

Signed the contract & bought event insurance to host up to a 75 person BDSM party on April 29th

Damn man. I am fucking impressed

*removes The Dom's legendary hat*

 

[Bman]

Day 96

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• 4 approaches bringing me to 7/7 for the weekly challenge

Thank you SXSW. Volume was great today. And if you approach the girls without passes around their neck there is a high chance they live here and just out and about.

1. Got off bus, walked a block, seen her across the street about to stop to look at a clothes rack. Knew I couldn't skip or else I'd set the session of on the wrong tone. Good 3 or 4 min convo. She was a bit nervous. Grabbed her number, texted her right there, and she checked her phone to see if she got it. She accidently put in the wrong number in my phone and said "Oh my god... that's so embarrassing I get nervous talking to strangers." Got the real number, and she texted herself from my phone.

Lessons Learned: Convo could have been more sexual and at one point I felt my hand go to touch her elbow, but I stopped myself. Need to just let my body relax and do as it pleases. Also that's going to be my standard now to always text her right then and there.

2. About 5-10 mins later, few blocks away. Nice semi formal dress. Waiting at the cross walk. Came up beside her to open. We stood there chatting a bit, then started walking. Halfway through the intersection she told me shes married and going to meet her husband for dinner. Ejected at the other side of the street.

3. About 20 mins later. Cute latina with tattoos and dyed hair sitting down at the corner on a planter on her phone. Got initially intimidated because she was good looking. Approached anyways but tone was off from being unconfident in the set. Boyfriend rejection.

4. Really long time before this one and my feet were getting tired so I just stood in a crowd to watch passersbys. Seen a hot curly haired blonde with a sunhat, tiny top with midriff showing, and short skirt slowly walking, hips swaying, just enjoying herself. Walked up beside her, passed her a bit so she seen me, then looked over at her and opened. Very friendly and warm. Had her laughing a bit. Had mentioned my hometown in WA and when she said "Oh yeah, I know of it" and I was surprised because most have not. So unintentionally called her out on it. She then got nervous, I teased her, we laughed. We stopped at the corner of the street after slowly walking together there. I was about to close when she told me she was going to the Coconut Bar with "those guys" and points behind me at two guys standing there. I was talking with her on that corner for a good minute, so they must have just been watching me. Anyways, I got caught off guard so I ejected.

Lessons Learned: When I seen her I told myself that a hotter girl was not going to be any hard than the last three I just approached, so just do it. That was good. Calling her on her shit and being confident in myself was good. Had I got 30 more seconds I think I would have number closed. In hindsight I could have tried going to the Coconut Bar with them and kept working the set. Could have still taken a shot for the number. Either way, I just didn't feel ready to game them and her as I don't have experience with that yet. Was kicking myself on it though because she was a real hottie and I felt like the set was going really well. Oh well, there will be another and I'll do well there, too.

Last note on the session. I do FAR better in both approach anxiety and actually conversing with them if they are stationary or slowly walking. The ones that are walking quickly down the street I feel I do poor with. Which means I can work better on my stop.

Really enjoyed this weekly challenge. Just what I needed to kick my ass in gear with these.

-----------------

Damn man. I am fucking impressed

*removes The Dom's legendary hat*

Thank you good sir.

I wouldn't be impressed, yet. Only partially the way there. Plenty of time for things to go sideways (though that's unlikely.)

However, if everything goes well, I'll be 10x more confident about doing these. Which means the ones after will be even better. And then when I start travelling the U.S. I'll have the knowledge to be able to come into any city and do the same thing. So one day there might be a whole network of these started by me.

But let's just focus on one step at a time here.

 

[bonzo34]

..

 

[Bman]

Day 97

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Sunday selfcare day

--------------

Got off bus, walked a block, seen her across the street about to stop to look at a clothes rack. Knew I couldn't skip or else I'd set the session of on the wrong tone. Good 3 or 4 min convo. She was a bit nervous. Grabbed her number, texted her right there, and she checked her phone to see if she got it. She accidently put in the wrong number in my phone and said "Oh my god... that's so embarrassing I get nervous talking to strangers." Got the real number, and she texted herself from my phone.

Tried setting date yesterday. The days we're free are opposite of each other and shes taking a vacation at the end of the week. I'll try after she gets back, but obviously the chances will be low.

 

[MILFandCookies]

Tried setting date yesterday. The days we're free are opposite of each other and shes taking a vacation at the end of the week. I'll try after she gets back, but obviously the chances will be low.

Logistics unfortunately get in the way a lot, nothing you can do about it.

Just keep up the action, you got this. You'll have what you're looking for sooner than you think.

 

[Bman]

Day 98

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Ran my munch
  
• Vulnerable, honest, and self affirming with Psychedelic Girl

So I had Psychedelic Girl over yesterday before my munch. As a reminder we last left off with me feeling like this...

I will say here, I had Psychedelic Girl over yesterday morning. I had not had sex all week because frankly, I just did not feel like having one of my girls over and did not get on the apps really. So I was looking forward to having her over. Except I didn't get hard. We have a great emotional connection, but the sexual chemistry is a bit iffy. Part of it is that she's shy to expressing her pleasure and has a difficult time orgasming. So I don't get turned on as much. So I showed her a good time, tying her up to the door, using the riding crop on her, and edging her with the magic wand. Then just enjoyed the feminine company and had a good conversation with her.

Another thing is she also has multiple partners like I do. She's pretty open about them and was telling about the other dates she went on in the week. I also mentioned a bit about my partners. Her other dates she's not had sex with them and basically making them wait or "feeling out if she actually wants them as partners". Being poly is something new for me, so I'm just observing what my reactions are right now. I could tell when she started talking about the other guys I felt myself comparing and wanting to be the best of the bunch. I don't think it's jealousy, more just a competitiveness and scratching the edge of the "I'm not good enough" insecurity. She texted me later in the day that was the closet she has ever gotten to actually orgasming to the control of someone else. We'll see how the attraction level goes with her the next couple interactions.

Well we had a pretty heavy make out session and I spent some time pleasing her, but I just didn't get turned on really. Of course I was in my head about it, which never helps, but maybe I'm just not that into her sexually considering days earlier I had Spiritual Girl over and had no problems. Throws me for a loop a bit only because there is a good emotional connection and I really enjoy making out and taking her out to the munch.

So afterwards, with her lying completely naked with me on the bed, I pretty much told her that despite our emotional connection, I didn't think that the sexual chemistry was there. I know I was playing with dynamite with both of us being at our most vulnerable, but I feel I'm a pretty good judge of character and thought we could both take it. So I took a leap of faith. I also told her about some of the feelings I had when when we discuss other partners with each other. She told me she did not feel rejected and was very grateful for me being so vulnerable.

We then discussed what we wanted to do next and how we wanted this relationship to be. Because we both said this was casual from the beginning, neither of us were married to any ideas of that.

Short version: I basically told her I wanted to take sex off the table for now and pretty much friend zone her. Be friends, share our sexcapde stories with, go to events with her because I enjoy spending time with her at those (and she's been great preselection), have heavy makeout sessions, and see if sex with her comes back into the picture for me in the future. Also based on this, I'd like to see her less often than the standard once a week.

I know this all probably goes against standard game advice. And you can't be friends with a girl like this... blah blah blah. I'd rather run the experiment myself. Just like people say you cant have a good divorce and be friends after, I'd like to put it to the test myself. I don't expect I or them are exceptions to the rules. But "rules" are more like guidelines anyways. I see no reason to throw away a good connection strictly because we don't have sex. I'm fine with having a few really close female friends that we both are adding value to each others lives. The important thing here is that she's entirely open to this, we're both honest, upfront, and clear about the boundaries of this relationship, and we enjoy it. The moment that's not the case, well then we can move on. Simple as that.

We then went to the munch and had a great time. We also previously discussed going to Shrine (the monthly BDSM event here) together which we are still planning to do but agreeing that we may be more wings than partners there.

I was nervous about saying or doing any of that, but it sure felt better to just lay it out, being completely ok with whatever happened, and not bullshitting each other.

 

[Manly Cockfellow]

I took a leap of faith

I'd rather run the experiment myself

I'd like to put it to the test myself

Love it!

We can all learn a lot from you, especially the way you learn about life

 

[Bman]

Day 99

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Call with jmand
  
• Reaping what I sow from the munch

So there is a girl in my munch who has been multiple times. She's a sweet, seemingly innocent, reformed "good girl" (hello, archetype match) who a virgin with some really kinky fantasies. She's actually a data scientist for libraries and has been looking for jobs across the country after just having graduated. She's moving this weekend and time was of the essence for HER to act...


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She's pretty nervous, told me she has had terrible experiences with boys in the past, and is wanting to keep her virginity. Oh religion, why do you do this to poor girls? She is, however, pretty much down for everything else other than intercourse. That's honestly fine with me and I can still have a ton fun. Had I more time, I'm betting I could have opened her up to intercourse as well. She also mentioned she's not orgasmed during play before. We'll see what happens when she's with someone who knows what their doing and keeps escalating.

Anyways, set for Friday. Right before my birthday. Nice.

 

[Holden]

So there is a girl in my munch who has been multiple times.

Congrats. Exactly what you should want from social circle stuff. Very interesting to see this turn your log has taken.

 

[pancakemouse]

So there is a girl in my munch who has been multiple times. She's a sweet, seemingly innocent, reformed "good girl" (hello, archetype match) who a virgin with some really kinky fantasies. She's actually a data scientist for libraries and has been looking for jobs across the country after just having graduated. She's moving this weekend and time was of the essence for HER to act...


FM.PNG

Wow! So had you picked up on her interest? If so, I'm curious what signals she displayed towards you. Would you have made a move if she didn't?

 

[Bman]

Congrats. Exactly what you should want from social circle stuff. Very interesting to see this turn your log has taken.

Thank you. It's definitely a thrill. It's also nice to diversify lead sources and expand my skillset. I look forward to leveraging it in a less sexual environment if I attempt a founder meetup and nurturing a professional social circle.

Got to say it felt pretty awesome to seemingly do little work for it, even though all the work leading up to it is what made it possible.

Wow! So had you picked up on her interest? If so, I'm curious what signals she displayed towards you. Would you have made a move if she didn't?

Sort of.

For context, at the munch there is about 20 people each week, some regular, some new. We sit at a big round table and have big discussion, share stories, laugh, ect. Every person that arrives I'm personally greeting, meeting, and welcoming into the circle. So my attention is generally occupied.

So I try to setup some passive strategies while I do all this. I'm the most "loud" dressed person there. In the circle I try to sit between a couple women. For three of my munches I've brought Psychedelic Girl with me, which she'll bring me water, hold hands and play with my leg under the table, or run her hand over my shoulders while I'm tending to the group.

We usually go around the table, each person answering a question about sex, kink, sometimes just general life stuff. So these people know I see multiple people and have heard some of my sex stories.

With this girl, I could tell she was into my stories. However, we had not interacted to the point where we had really flirted with each other. Being that I'm the one running things, everyone is giving me a lot of attention, so it's hard to discern if any single one is overtly giving me more attention than normal.

She shared she was virgin, and planned on keeping that, at one of the early munches. So I initially wrote her off that I was not going to pursue. So if she had not reached out and made it easy for me, I wouldn't had made a move.

 

[Bman]

Day 100

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

 

[bonzo34]

..

 

[Bman]

Day 101

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon

Just plugging away with work today.

Have not really been using the apps that much but as usual these things come in swarms. Passive matches with girls on Tinder, Feeld, & Bumble. Already scheduled the Feel'd girl and waiting on the number drop from the Bumble one. The Tinder match is only here for tonight, so I thought I'd try to pull a fast one and do straight to the crib. She almost took it, but then wanted to grab a drink first. No biggie, but honestly I'm tired from a late night last night at another munch, I'm getting laid tomorrow, and she's decently cute but not enough for me to put in the effort for a ONS. If she lived here I would have.

Also, my full set of viking braids for both sides of my head came in today. I already know these are going to get so many comments because I usually get comments on how nice my hair is anyways. Also bought a simple 2 strand one that I can wear in more business causal settings for just a touch of rebel. Further down the archetype rabbit hole we go.


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[Bman]

Day 102

Actions taken:

• Affirmations
  
• 2nd meditation in the afternoon
  
• Did my due diligence as a Dom

So there is a girl in my munch who has been multiple times

She's pretty nervous

Yeah... waaaaay nervous. She was bold enough to reach out because I think she was really excited and wanted to experience me as a Dom. She was nervous about doing a good job. She said it had been 3 years since she had really done anything like this. I comforted her and let her know it was ok to be nervous. Then I checked in again with her on boundaries, safe word, ect.

She wanted to do wax play so I did that with her, pleasuring her in between intervals of the wax melting. She'd not experienced that much pleasure before and got scared. She yellowed. I slowed down and asked how she was feeling. She was overwhelmed and asked if it would be alright if she wanted to go home. So I undid the restraints, let her up, and just talked and comforted her while she came down. She told me a few things that I won't share here, but this is it what happens sometimes when you're messing with kinky girls.

She kept apologizing and I told her it really was ok, I was not mad or disappointed at all, and told her she did good to ask to stop. I helped her get cleaned up and talked with her as she changed into her comfy clothes (because she really did go all out with the outfit to show up in). She was in better spirits and thanked me. When she was ready to go I walked her to her car and told her to text me when she got home and tomorrow to let me know how she was feeling.

She'll be alright. She just needs to build more trust and slow the roll with another good dom wherever she ends up.