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Brandon’s 365 Days of Masculine, Self-affirming Action: Days 278-283
- Thread starter Bman
- Start date
Manly Cockfellow
Member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2022
- Goal
- Start a Family
- Age
- 39
- Motto
- Own Your Insecurities
Bman said:
Very important insights.
If it helps at all remember that by being "selfish" and focusing on what you want and your pleasure you'll be giving a lot of women one of the things they love most, which is to be used by a top man for his pleasure.
komeback_kile
Member
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2023
Bman said:
Brilliant, contemplative posts like this are why I keep coming back to your logs. If nothing else, I enjoy reading your story, but I always come out with a lot of my own internal insight. I have had similar issues of denying myself a lot of things throughout my life to my detriment, and it certainly has not helped me. Being super individualistic yet successful after a while becomes very lonely and unfulfilling.
Thank you Bman
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 116
Actions taken:
My date cancelled yesterday so I cranked out some YouTube shorts to help out Andy. I could feel after going through the second video and cutting up a bunch of shorts that I did not want to be doing it anymore and instead wanted to read. So instead of powering through and giving more than I wanted to, I stopped. This is important because had I gone any longer I would have resented the gift. This is what giving and boundaries are all about. You give till you reach your limit, then you don't give more because that's when you begin to sacrifice yourself. Another point I learned from the WOC a couple days ago. Except, again, I actually feel that now.
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Day 117
Actions taken:
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Thanks for the perspective Manly Cockfellow.
Glad they are helpful to you komeback_kile. It's the beauty of these forums. Find the models that work for you, try them out, learn from them, and integrate them.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Finished giving when I had reached my limit
My date cancelled yesterday so I cranked out some YouTube shorts to help out Andy. I could feel after going through the second video and cutting up a bunch of shorts that I did not want to be doing it anymore and instead wanted to read. So instead of powering through and giving more than I wanted to, I stopped. This is important because had I gone any longer I would have resented the gift. This is what giving and boundaries are all about. You give till you reach your limit, then you don't give more because that's when you begin to sacrifice yourself. Another point I learned from the WOC a couple days ago. Except, again, I actually feel that now.
--------------------------------
Day 117
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
--------------------------------
Thanks for the perspective Manly Cockfellow.
Glad they are helpful to you komeback_kile. It's the beauty of these forums. Find the models that work for you, try them out, learn from them, and integrate them.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 119
Actions taken:
To ensure this thing is not a sausage fest, I started reaching out to girls who RSVP'd maybe to previous munches. Particularly starting with the attractive ones. Already started selling a few tickets this way. What I find intriguing is that these girls get flooded with guys all the time and never respond. I roll in there asking if they want to come to the event, send them my venmo, and they send me money in 2-3 messages. Of course then I add them as friends and will eventually meet them in real life. Perks.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Ran my munch
- Selling tickets for the fetish party
To ensure this thing is not a sausage fest, I started reaching out to girls who RSVP'd maybe to previous munches. Particularly starting with the attractive ones. Already started selling a few tickets this way. What I find intriguing is that these girls get flooded with guys all the time and never respond. I roll in there asking if they want to come to the event, send them my venmo, and they send me money in 2-3 messages. Of course then I add them as friends and will eventually meet them in real life. Perks.
AskTheDom
Member
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2022
- Goal
- get fit
- Age
- 39
Bman said:
Exactly the point my man.
She is gifting you her submissives so you can be the Dom she craves.
But to be whole you need to know if that’s exactly what you want and how you want it.
I used to be the “vending machine Dom”
Ok cool you want shibari, incoming
Oh you want wax play, yes in a minute
Doing all of this to please my sub but not to please myself.
Then I came to the conclusion that allowing others to please me was the best way to wanting to please them
Manly Cockfellow
Member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2022
- Goal
- Start a Family
- Age
- 39
- Motto
- Own Your Insecurities
AskTheDom said:
Well said
Applies just as well to game/dating in my opinion
(as in women love a man who says here's exactly what I want/how you can please me)
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 120
Actions taken:
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Date cancelled for today. First time I've ever had a negative response from the cocky date confirmation. I knew what she was going to say when I asked for feedback, but always good to check anyways. No biggie. I didn't push or try to justify, because the frame would have been off had we actually gone on the date after that. Also I was kind of turned off if she was going to judge that fast from one text. She was attractive, but so is the next girl. She's 35, partnered, and they just opened up the relationship. For all I know, I was dodging a bullet.
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Yup, that hits home.
And exactly what I'm working on.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Men's Group
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Date cancelled for today. First time I've ever had a negative response from the cocky date confirmation. I knew what she was going to say when I asked for feedback, but always good to check anyways. No biggie. I didn't push or try to justify, because the frame would have been off had we actually gone on the date after that. Also I was kind of turned off if she was going to judge that fast from one text. She was attractive, but so is the next girl. She's 35, partnered, and they just opened up the relationship. For all I know, I was dodging a bullet.
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AskTheDom said:
Yup, that hits home.
AskTheDom said:
And exactly what I'm working on.
Holden
Member
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
You did dodge a bullet. I tell girls to wear high heels all the time. If they give me attitude like that girl did, I just cancel.Bman said:
Some girls really hate the idea of having to do something "for" a man. I like to screen those girls out ASAP. I could go on and on because it's really my pet peeve lol.
They don't realize that we as men have to take 100% of the initiative, we're held responsible for how the date goes, we take care of logistics, we wade through dozens and dozens of time-wasters, we have a fraction of the matches that these girls have, basically we put in all the work, and then when we ask for one small thing in return, they give attitude? I want to get rid of these girls asap.
It's even crazier because she's explicitly looking for a Dom but then complains about being told what to do (a very low compliance request, which can be interpreted in any way she likes, you didn't even tell her specifically what to wear or how to look).
For every girl like this there are other girls who will exactly what you want, who will give you massages, bring wine, bring snacks, girls that will enrich your life and give you energy instead of drain it.
AskTheDom
Member
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2022
- Goal
- get fit
- Age
- 39
Bman said:
You did.
S I told to all the girls coming to a bdsm appointment "look good for daddy"
The ones that always fought back were the ones that had issues to be resolved.
No, we aren't doing this as a therapy to fix your issues, you will pay a therapist - you meet me to have a sexual encounter and you should want to look good for me.
If you don't, maybe it's better that we don't meet.
You see my man - this is a perfect example to learn an important lesson I teach to "nice guys"
"Be with who wants to be with you and let go of others"
Nice guys tend to please everyone and not please themselves first. This opens them for abuse and unfulfilling life.
When you screen (like you did) for people that want you - you realise that letting others go, wasn't really an opportunity for you to get what you wanted.
Like saying no to a potential customer that when asked "how much money you have right now" answers "zero" - so not an opportunity to make money but just a free loader that wants to suck away something
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Ok, so I thought hard about what you guys said Holden & AskTheDom.
My first thought was "but what gives me the right to tell them what to do yet. I've not given anything yet."
Then I really thought about this...
I've been giving my value away freely, without asking if they ever have the money to pay for it.
I know I am valuable and have a lot to offer. But they don't know that yet, so I thought that I couldn't be asking them to do anything yet because I'd not shown them that. But THIS is the reason we "demonstrate high value", so that now we can tell them how much it costs.
It's like a car dealer demonstrating a Ferrari. Once they show it off, they get to tell you how much it costs.
In this situation, I've put a ton of work into myself to build a Ferrari. I've put a ton of work into my profiles to demonstrate the value of the Ferrari. Now I get to tell you how much it costs. And you complying to a small request to wear a certain thing is like a down payment on the Ferrari. It shows me that you'll actually be able to afford it later.
I see how this also applies in the date.
When I first started I was no doubt the buyer in the situation. In the last dozen dates I've come in with a much more even mindset but still forgetting I'm a Ferrari.
When we're on the date we do small things to "demonstrate high value" to remind them of what they are buying. To show it off. Then we have them continue to make down payments based on whatever we are screening for. We are also making sure they know how to actually drive the Ferrari. That they will appreciate such a powerful car.
When I tell her to sit next to me, get her talking about sex, or touch her on the date, I'm seeing if she knows how to be feminine, sink in her pleasure, express her sexuality, be seductive, ect. All things that will make the sexual encounter a lot better. The Ferrari (me and everything I have to offer) drives A LOT better with someone who knows how to drive it (knows how to turn me on). If during the date I find she can't afford it, I should let her go because maybe so she can go get a Honda Accord. If she can afford it but we are not vibing that well, then maybe I should still let her go because she's more fit for a Lambo.
If I just let everyone drive the Ferrari, especially those who don't know how, then it breaks an NO ONE gets to. Meaning if I give myself over to everyone and they can't actually appreciate the value I'm giving, then I get burnt out, resentful, and have no more to give to those who would TRULY value it.
By all this thinking, I honestly should be asking for a lot more. I should raise my prices. And now I totally understand why you tell them to do so much, Holden. I get it. You're a Lambo (or whatever high end luxury car you want).
Excuse me for beating this metaphor into the ground. But it finally fucking clicked for me.
I'm a Ferrari.
My first thought was "but what gives me the right to tell them what to do yet. I've not given anything yet."
Then I really thought about this...
AskTheDom said:
I've been giving my value away freely, without asking if they ever have the money to pay for it.
I know I am valuable and have a lot to offer. But they don't know that yet, so I thought that I couldn't be asking them to do anything yet because I'd not shown them that. But THIS is the reason we "demonstrate high value", so that now we can tell them how much it costs.
It's like a car dealer demonstrating a Ferrari. Once they show it off, they get to tell you how much it costs.
In this situation, I've put a ton of work into myself to build a Ferrari. I've put a ton of work into my profiles to demonstrate the value of the Ferrari. Now I get to tell you how much it costs. And you complying to a small request to wear a certain thing is like a down payment on the Ferrari. It shows me that you'll actually be able to afford it later.
I see how this also applies in the date.
When I first started I was no doubt the buyer in the situation. In the last dozen dates I've come in with a much more even mindset but still forgetting I'm a Ferrari.
When we're on the date we do small things to "demonstrate high value" to remind them of what they are buying. To show it off. Then we have them continue to make down payments based on whatever we are screening for. We are also making sure they know how to actually drive the Ferrari. That they will appreciate such a powerful car.
When I tell her to sit next to me, get her talking about sex, or touch her on the date, I'm seeing if she knows how to be feminine, sink in her pleasure, express her sexuality, be seductive, ect. All things that will make the sexual encounter a lot better. The Ferrari (me and everything I have to offer) drives A LOT better with someone who knows how to drive it (knows how to turn me on). If during the date I find she can't afford it, I should let her go because maybe so she can go get a Honda Accord. If she can afford it but we are not vibing that well, then maybe I should still let her go because she's more fit for a Lambo.
If I just let everyone drive the Ferrari, especially those who don't know how, then it breaks an NO ONE gets to. Meaning if I give myself over to everyone and they can't actually appreciate the value I'm giving, then I get burnt out, resentful, and have no more to give to those who would TRULY value it.
By all this thinking, I honestly should be asking for a lot more. I should raise my prices. And now I totally understand why you tell them to do so much, Holden. I get it. You're a Lambo (or whatever high end luxury car you want).
Excuse me for beating this metaphor into the ground. But it finally fucking clicked for me.
I'm a Ferrari.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 122
Actions taken:
I don't talk too much about my startup here but I'm really enjoying the work I'm creating with it right now. Currently creating a course on climate change. As a result the last couple weeks I've been privileged to talk with leading researchers and CEO's on geoengineering, hydropower, fisheries, and sustainable fashion. I'm also starting to work on a course for poverty and one for the mental health crisis. I'm getting a first rate education on the complex systems and problems of our world from the people who have spent their life studying it.
That gets me so fired up for a few reasons:
I really, REALLY, love learning because it allows me to both make tangible change in my own life and makes me more valuable. Nothing more self affirming than that.
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Had a great time connecting with Psychedelic Girl yesterday. Spiritual Girl is going through the egg freezing process so shes out for a few weeks. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she had to reschedule for next week because she's flying out to Miami. Third cancellation this week. Guess I should have filled the pipeline more. Back to it, I suppose.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Enjoying the journey
I don't talk too much about my startup here but I'm really enjoying the work I'm creating with it right now. Currently creating a course on climate change. As a result the last couple weeks I've been privileged to talk with leading researchers and CEO's on geoengineering, hydropower, fisheries, and sustainable fashion. I'm also starting to work on a course for poverty and one for the mental health crisis. I'm getting a first rate education on the complex systems and problems of our world from the people who have spent their life studying it.
That gets me so fired up for a few reasons:
- I'm packaging up their knowledge in a way that its accessible to everyone presented in a nuanced way that shows none of these are the ONLY cause or solution to the problem, but that they all contribute in some way.
- It's going to bring more attention to these issues and hopefully get more brain power behind them as students learn these skills
- I'M becoming more valuable by learning these things. Robert Greene, author of 48 Laws of Power, is asked to consult all the time because he has studied so much human nature. The host of the podcast Founders is asked to consult for startups because hes read over 300 biographies on founders in history. I'm filling my head with the drivers and solutions to the complex systems of our world. What do you think that will be worth to communities, governments, and businesses? A hell of a lot.
I really, REALLY, love learning because it allows me to both make tangible change in my own life and makes me more valuable. Nothing more self affirming than that.
------------------------
Had a great time connecting with Psychedelic Girl yesterday. Spiritual Girl is going through the egg freezing process so shes out for a few weeks. Was supposed to have a date tonight, but she had to reschedule for next week because she's flying out to Miami. Third cancellation this week. Guess I should have filled the pipeline more. Back to it, I suppose.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 123
Actions taken:
Felt pretty comfortable and confident in myself. There were not any women I was paticuraly attracted to so I just mingled, promoted my munch, and spoke up during the big "roundtable" discussion. Still surprises me how many submissive men come to these. I was one of the few men there identifying as a "Dom".
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Went to a different munch
Felt pretty comfortable and confident in myself. There were not any women I was paticuraly attracted to so I just mingled, promoted my munch, and spoke up during the big "roundtable" discussion. Still surprises me how many submissive men come to these. I was one of the few men there identifying as a "Dom".
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
Day 124
Actions taken:
I went out in the morning for a little bit to approach. Because of how my day is structured, on Saturdays I have a little time in the morning. I'm just running the experiment right now to see if this is where I might like to schedule in some time for a session. Anyways, I went to my usual spot downtown and it's pretty dead at that time. I eventually made my way over to a farmers market close by, but also not much there. So I'm going to keep scouting a good locale for that time of day so I can make it work.
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Went out to CA
I went out in the morning for a little bit to approach. Because of how my day is structured, on Saturdays I have a little time in the morning. I'm just running the experiment right now to see if this is where I might like to schedule in some time for a session. Anyways, I went to my usual spot downtown and it's pretty dead at that time. I eventually made my way over to a farmers market close by, but also not much there. So I'm going to keep scouting a good locale for that time of day so I can make it work.
- Joined
- May 21, 2022
- Goal
- Serve
- Age
- 30
So a little while ago I seen a few guys mentioning in Olafsmash’s log about him being more interested in getting validation from the lay, rather than the actual lay. It made me think about my actions posting here. Of course I, like the rest of us, want the respect of those I respect and want the “gold star”. But I wanted to make sure the actions I’m taking are truly for my own self affirmation, and not just for the internet bros. So I logged this week in a word doc to post later. I’m also going to do the same with lay reports, writing them in a word doc and letting them sit for a few days before posting. Anyways, here’s this weeks 365.
I also learned some important lessons on my 2 dates, in screening, and in harem management this week. I’ll try to update my main log today or in the next couples days.
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Day 125
Actions taken:
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Day 126
Actions taken:
Something I have noticed is the really attractive girls that RSVP never actually end up showing. So I’m going to start reaching out beforehand and see if by making contact I can either get them to show, or at least start talking with them on Fet.
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Day 127
Actions taken:
Just looking at the reality of the viability of my startup and my financial options. While I’ll continue to put in work with the startup, it will be on a long term horizon to reach the scale I want. In the meantime, money is still a necessity. So I took a look at my options I have right now including going full time with my part time job, pursuing a PhD, getting venture funding taking the for profit route, getting philanthropic funding as a nonprofit startup, or just staying as is. I’ll share these with my men’s group and dig into what may be best for me based on my goals, other life factors, and personality.
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Day 128
Actions taken:
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Day 129
Actions taken:
I was asked to Zoom into a class to give a talk for podcasting students about monetization, podcasting, and generally taking the unorthodox paths in life. I was asked to because these students hardly ever hear the perspective of someone who did really well in the traditional path and yet still chose to do something different.
I find it funny to watch my own behavior with opportunities like these. I go in, deliver, and immediately when I’m done I critique myself. “You could have said this better. This was not clear. You did not hold their attention here.” I think it’s quite healthy because I’m not telling myself it was complete shit, I’m just finding ways to improve.
Too bad it was Zoom for a university states away. Can’t hit on cute college girls that way.
Bad AA. Going to be doing something about this here soon about changing my schedule so I’m consistently out CA every day, but will write about when I’ve actually started doing it. But being inconsistent with it is not working.
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Day 130
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Day 131
After getting some of the new photos up on apps, I’m definitely getting more numbers and options than I have time slots for. Today I was trying to setup a date with a 20 yo college student who lives 25 miles outside the city. But she kept being flakey. So told her will find another time and instead scheduled a date with a hotter girl who lives less than a mile from me. You snooze, you lose hunny.
I also learned some important lessons on my 2 dates, in screening, and in harem management this week. I’ll try to update my main log today or in the next couples days.
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Day 125
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Sunday self care day
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Day 126
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Ran my munch
Something I have noticed is the really attractive girls that RSVP never actually end up showing. So I’m going to start reaching out beforehand and see if by making contact I can either get them to show, or at least start talking with them on Fet.
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Day 127
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Set boundaries for how much I was willing to give in consulting
- Started assessing long term career options
Just looking at the reality of the viability of my startup and my financial options. While I’ll continue to put in work with the startup, it will be on a long term horizon to reach the scale I want. In the meantime, money is still a necessity. So I took a look at my options I have right now including going full time with my part time job, pursuing a PhD, getting venture funding taking the for profit route, getting philanthropic funding as a nonprofit startup, or just staying as is. I’ll share these with my men’s group and dig into what may be best for me based on my goals, other life factors, and personality.
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Day 128
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
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Day 129
Actions taken:
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Accepted invite to give talk to a class of college students
I was asked to Zoom into a class to give a talk for podcasting students about monetization, podcasting, and generally taking the unorthodox paths in life. I was asked to because these students hardly ever hear the perspective of someone who did really well in the traditional path and yet still chose to do something different.
I find it funny to watch my own behavior with opportunities like these. I go in, deliver, and immediately when I’m done I critique myself. “You could have said this better. This was not clear. You did not hold their attention here.” I think it’s quite healthy because I’m not telling myself it was complete shit, I’m just finding ways to improve.
Too bad it was Zoom for a university states away. Can’t hit on cute college girls that way.
- Went out CA
Bad AA. Going to be doing something about this here soon about changing my schedule so I’m consistently out CA every day, but will write about when I’ve actually started doing it. But being inconsistent with it is not working.
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Day 130
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Date
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Day 131
- Affirmations
- 2nd meditation in the afternoon
- Screening & Date
After getting some of the new photos up on apps, I’m definitely getting more numbers and options than I have time slots for. Today I was trying to setup a date with a 20 yo college student who lives 25 miles outside the city. But she kept being flakey. So told her will find another time and instead scheduled a date with a hotter girl who lives less than a mile from me. You snooze, you lose hunny.