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colgate - FINALLY!!! i get my first daygame lay!!! after 3 years!!!

Weighing in on the texts since nobody has yet

Obviously there’s no “right” way to text but you might benefit from keeping it more brief and direct at first. Your messages come across as nervous to me

For example:

You: “Hey it’s Sherwyn, from the TJ Maxx”
Her: “Hey Sherwyn!”
You: “It was super cool to meet you earlier, let’s grab some boba soon”

Then you can figure out logistics from there
 
Went to dance class, didn't see anyone I wanted to approach and I was paying too much attention to my lack of moves lol (i've hit on girls before here though so no big deal).

Ended up going solo to some bar and chilling. I "cold approached" a group of people sitting and eating, and turned out one of my friends I met last week was hanging out with them haha.

We went to a pool hall and I was casually talking to this table of girls and I thought one of them was cute so I just told her, and got her number.

Later, I thought one of the people in my new group was cute so I hit on her too but got declined with bf.

I was telling one of the guys that I've been going out cold approaching and he got really motivated so now I have a buddy to go with sometimes. We're gonna go to the mall tomorrow at high volume hours.

It's really cool that even though I wasn't really out approaching tonight that I'm able to just do it if I see a cute girl without thinking. Really feeling more and more socially free.
 
The dude that I was gonna go approach with flaked so I just went by myself.

I might have gone a bit too early this time (noon) because there were mostly just families and older people, I think younger people go to the mall around 3-4pm but I have a bunch of numbers rn that I need to text so I felt I didn't need high volume today.

1 - within maybe 2 min of entering the mall, trio. girl had an awkward reaction and I didn't really find her attractive after that i guess so i didn't push for a number.
2 - decided to eat lunch at the mall (ended up getting heartburn from nashville hot chicken lol), was eyeballing this girl wearing backwards hat and kinda tomboyish but had long dirty blonde hair and kinda revealing clothes. sitting at a table with 6 other people (varied age range from kids to older people). i think she was thirdwheeling with her friend and friend's boyfriend?
this has to be one of my favorite approaches ever. here's how it went
me: "hey i kept lookin at you while i was eating and i wanted to tell you you're really cute"
her: "thanks" (with zero emotion)
me: i was wondering if you were single
her: "yes" (again, with zero emotion)
me: "cool can i get your number"
*immediately hands me her phone before I give her mine*

it's like she knew what i was doing and what i wanted and wanted to get down to business haha

I just kinda chilled and walked around at the park for the rest of the afternoon, although my heartburn was really annoying, but I also didn't really see anyone I wanted to approach.

I have 5 numbers in my phone right now (I deleted all of the older ones because they didn't respond/claimed they were always busy), so I kind of want to catch up with them so I'll probably chill on the approaching for a few days (as in just do a 2-3 a day until my current roster of numbers dries out).

I really want to focus on actually getting laid from these cold approaches now, so my pattern will probably be

1. accumulate #s via high volume approach (at uni, maybe mall), and everyday interactions (going out with friends, gym, shopping etc)
2. go through the numbers and do the 2nd layer of screening to find out who wants to actually meet
3. ?????? don't fuck up the dates if i get them
4. repeat when running low on numbers
 
Friend hit me up to go to the pool hall, and even though I had kind of low energy from the covid shot, I decided to go anyway because it's not like I would be doing anything at home.

3 - said she was "single but not looking for anything". didn't wanna give her phone number but gave me her insta. i feel like she just wanted more followers, her profile is literally borderline softcore porn of herself haha. I'm not sure how she'll respond when I eventually message her but eh lol. if she isn't down to bang I'm gonna unfollow her.
4 - married
5 - duo, "it's complicated", got number
6 - girl with huge rack near #4. really dicey approach because she was closed off while talking to her friends (circle of 5 people), but i already walked up there so I was just like "yo" and everyone opened up. hit on her kind of standing in the center of the circle, declined with bf. her bf was trying to tell everyone that i just "said the same thing" to the #4 chick, and i said "yeah i did, but she's married". i guess since i just bluntly owned up to it the group eased up on me. i normally ignore the other people in a group approach but since they interacted with me i chatted for a bit. 2 of the girls preemptively said they were "girlfriends" even tho i didn't want to hit on them. the bf guy said "you can't really approach groups of people" so i told him that i don't hit on multiple girls in a group and i usually don't even interact with anyone else in the group except the girl I'm hitting on. overall i felt he was shit-testing me but i basically passed it lol. i felt like this one was actually harder than the restaurant one i did earlier today lol.
7 - Mexican girl in parking lot. we were talking for a bit after i got her number but i was staring at her lips the whole time. missed take home? when i hugged her she kissed my neck but i think that might be a Mexican thing. we were being kinda physical but not really, i didn't take any initiative to escalate it.

It was a really weird night overall. I was walking around in the bar and some chick actually hit on me and was touching my chest (it was a little exposed through my shirt) but she wasn't that attractive and I didn't want to do anything more than hug her.

It's cool to go around asking girls for their numbers and I feel like I'm not pussing out at all anymore, but I'm kind of getting bored of this. I really want to fuck them. I should probably go for more instadates or something.

I also don't have the balls yet to escalate physically with a girl. I really want to do actual night game (taking a girl home from the bar) instead of just doing day game at night (I was sober). But not really sure how to escalate into that. I might need to look into the night game AA program but if there's anyone who has some advice let me know.
 
My date flaked when I sent a confirmation text this morning so I ended up just sleeping in until 1 pm. I know this is normal and nothing to fret about when you're approaching a lot of girls but it still got me really down (also it doesn't help that I smoked like 9 cigarettes and vaped last night haha).

I forced myself to go out anyway. I approached a girl and she didn't give out her number but gave insta (i didn't ask for it). I'll still message but I'm not really gonna count girls giving me their insta because I feel like they just want more followers haha. I'll unfollow if she doesn't respond to my messages.

Later I went to the park again to check out the live music but it was just prerecorded stuff and I wasn't feeling the vibe. I think I pussed out on 2 girls too just because I was in a bad mood. This is something I need to work on because I don't want my approaching to be coupled to my mood.

Then I told myself again "shit day? rewrite the story" and decided just to go get some boba tea for myself (my date plan). I happened to be walking around and ran into one of my new friends on the street and she invited me into the bar she works to chill for a bit. I ended up making some new friends again and hanging out for about an hour before dipping.

I was reading this GLL article earlier today: https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/picking-up-women/mr-friendly-man-extroverts-with-social-anxiety-and-how-to-fix-it
and it's the first time I've ever seen anyone talk about "extroverts with social anxiety", and I basically 100% identify with this "Mr. Friendly Man" archetype. It's probably why on dates and meeting girls, I just have long drawn out convos and can't make a move, and why sometimes I have trouble just leaving social groups when I want to.

Also, I feel like I might be just caving and "making friends" on certain nights so I can distract myself from focusing on getting laid. I'm not sure if this is actually true all the time but it's something I think I need to be mindful of before just "giving up" and chilling with people on certain days.
 
I read your log on and off for the past 3 weeks. Many of your approaches are very audacious and it seems like your AA is handled. Being extroverted is a big plus, it's a point of envy for quiet guys like myself.

For what it's worth, I don't think you'll benefit much from the AA program. You've cold approached multiple women in front of their BFs ffs and they're probably bigger than you. Definitely don't need the program. Put that away, expunge it from your sig.
 
haha i kinda forget how small i am sometimes, i definitely even approach taller chicks too (they're hot and idgaf), and gotten numbers.

my biggest issues now are "physical contact anxiety" and trying to come off as more sexual.

i've been using some of the confidence i've gained from approaching girls to hug more friends and people i've just met lately. i even initiated a "dicey" hug with my friend who was working behind the bar and we hugged over the bar haha
 
I took a break from approaching for the past 2 days because
1) it was raining (I've approached on rainy days before though)
2) i was admittedly more down than I thought I was from my date flaking on me (even though I expected it)

I did some self-reflection over the past 2 days, about what I want to do with my life, and comparing it to what my parents want me to do. Up until I joined the forums, I was basically just following what my parents wanted me to do and I've always had a sense of dissatisfaction. I won't get into detail into that right now though, but I'll probably make a post about it within the next week.

Also, while I've been strong on going out every day and approaching and making friends, I've basically been neglecting everything else I need to do including work, diet, and personal errands. It's because I was spending too much time on my phone reading GLL/KYIL/Mike Mehlman articles (there was one day I spent 7 hours, thanks StayFree app!). So I uninstalled my phone's web browser. After doing that, I finally "found the time" to do some things I've been putting off like unboxing my DSLR and doing some house cleaning.

--

Went to the uni again, and did feel a bit of AA walking into it, but I managed to suck it up and get back into approach mode. Approaching is really like a muscle. I don't remember all of them but I'll note the ones that I do (4/10).

2 - sitting down studying. she actually started engaging me in a convo after i hit on her. i did say "i have to go" to her because i wasnt there to chat (in the past i could have just stayed there forever chatting, thanks extrovert social anxiety), so i ended up seeing if she would give me a hug at the end by just holding my arms out, and she ended up standing up to accept it haha. this isn't something i plan on doing regularly btw, i'm just trying to get more comfortable with physical contact. later she would text me to say she isn't interested.
5 - half asian-white? had that winged eye makeup which i think is fucking hot so i had to approach. black dude+2 girls trio. the dude was like "ayyy this guy gettin dem digits" when she was giving me her number.
6 - saw her once but then thought about it and tracked her down to approach. she responded with "not interested" and then i repeated back to her "you said you're not interested?", and she hesitated, but confirmed. this is one where i could have been pushy for the number.
7 - another one i realized i could have been pushier with. she said she was single but then gave a kind of hesitant "...no" when i asked for her number.
9 - 2 girls sitting at a table, friend complimented my bracelets. girl i hit on said she isn't a "give my number out kinda gal" so i told her "uhh ok well how about this. you give me your number and i'll maybe text you in 2 weeks and if you get it just ignore it." and then she ended up giving me her number.
10 - another one that i could have been pushier with. was single, but kind of had "extrovert social anxiety" because she was trying to explain that she "doesn't have time for guys because of sports and school and etc", so i just ejected and told her to have a good day

So I think I'm starting to identify girls that are a bit hesitant to turn me down now, and so my next point of improvement for approach will be being pushier with numbers. #9 was the first time I ever pushed for a number after I got declined and I'd like to do that more instead of just bailing.

Also, in honor of goldfish completing his 300 approach goal, I'm gonna set the same goal for myself in my current city. Based on seeing people's success with cold approach, it seems to be highly dependent on what city you live in and I could be spending more time with my online dating profile and taking photos (I've been taking a lot of "test" photos with my phone lately to check out locations and poses), but I want to give approach a run for its money in my current city before I stop going hard with approach.
 
colgate said:
Also, in honor of @goldfish completing his 300 approach goal, I'm gonna set the same goal for myself in my current city.
Click to expand...
Nice. With your current rate of progress you'll hit 300 approaches in no time
 
Ran into a buddy I met yesterday immediately when I showed up to the university campus. I told him yesterday I've been going around approaching girls on his campus and when he saw me, he wanted to tag along with me today. He said he didn't want to approach himself though because he is focusing on school but he was really intrigued. At first he was like "I'll hang out for 3 of your approaches". Then I did 3 and he was like "ok 1 more", then 4 "ok 1 more"....and then around 6 he was like "ok i HAVE to go after this one i promise i'll leave after you approach 1 more girl".

Notable approaches
2 - Run of the mill rejection where the girl declines with "i have a boyfriend", but is also really friendly and takes the compliment. This one also gave me a pat on the shoulder which sometimes happens. I mention it because my buddy kinda came with me and I was like "yeah this is basically 80% of the approaches, it's not bad" and he was like "yeah that was alright i could vibe with that"
4 - Duo walking, said she was single, declined number exchange but she offered snapchat, but I declined the snapchat and pushed for the number again, but she declined again so let go. Buddy was like "you should have taken the snapchat" and I was like "nah I don't have snap and girls usually don't respond on social media" although then I said that might just be a limiting belief of mine.
5 - Twins. I literally just went up to both of them and called both of them hot and they giggled and asked if either of them were single and if I could get one of their numbers, and one of them said "I have a boyfriend but she's single", and got a number from the single girl.
6 - Duo, girl said she was gay but I said "let's exchange contacts anyway if you feel like swinging the other way" and she ended up giving me her number, and then left me with "i really appreciate the compliment, maybe we can be friends"

Decided to get some lunch and was feeling really demotivated because I hit a point where I don't even care about whether I get the number or not, most of them don't even respond when I text and if we do have a date they just flake. I almost didn't even want to hit on anymore girls because I was like "I can literally approach any girl I want now but it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to continue to see me". But I sucked up my feelings and decided to keep going, I really wanted to confirm my hypothesis that I can just approach anyone I want.

On my 11th approach I saw this hot girl with bright purple pants and platform sandals who was probably like 4 or 5 inches taller than me. I went up to her and was about to exchange contacts, but then was like "hey wait do you wanna just go get some starbucks together" and she accepted. Immediately after I said that, this group of people sitting down had these kittens and told me and her to pet their kittens haha. Then we basically had a 20-30 min date and talked for a bit. I invited her back to my place but she said she had to go study a bunch. At the end I tried to give her a kiss on the cheek but her hair got in the way so I got a mouthful of hair hahahah. I should have probably been like wait hold on or something, but I kinda just ejected. I feel like in general when I'm really nervous, I just rush whatever I'm doing to get it over with instead of enjoying it.

Really wish there was a "Physical Contact Anxiety Program" that I could do, I could really use it haha. I feel like the chance that I even get on dates with girls is so low that I don't get to practice it enough, unlike approaching which I can just go out and do. I do need to get serious with my online dating profiles for real lol.
 
I couldn't stop thinking about physical contact anxiety so I made a video log about it
https://streamable.com/owjrst

I decided to just talk about what I want to do with a girl when I go on a date. I've never done this before, even in a journal, and I feel like it's because I still have a deep sense of hesitation and embarrassment regarding physical contact. So I guess as a form of therapy, I just outlined what I'd like to do on a date lol.

I guess a lot of dudes tell me this stuff is easy but it's been way harder for me than approaching. I probably just need to give it some time and just keep trying to get more dates and give myself permission to suck. But I'd really like some advice and guidance. I want to get good at escalating instead of spinning my wheels in conversation, which I can do for hours.
 
Posting a quick note here after a chat with a friend.

"You need to stop thinking with your brain and think with your heart and your dick."

Yeah, I've literally never done that in my whole life before. Even cold approach is pretty "brainy" because most of it was just telling myself it was okay to do it and then just going up to a girl and calling her hot.

I feel like my primal energy is low and I'm just super cerebral about everything. I think the only thing that gives me some sort of "manly rush" is working out basically hahah. Maybe I gotta do some sets of pushups before going out to fuel me or something so I can switch my brain off and go into primal mode.

Also my friend said I need to learn how to relax. This was actually a little profound for me because I realized my default state is being tensed, and relaxing is always a conscious decision I have to make. So when I'm out with a girl I need to just *physically* relax and de-tense my body.

(also did 2 more approaches when I was out eating dinner but nothing notable)
 
"Really wish there was a "Physical Contact Anxiety Program"
There is some of this in the AA program. Gll also has its own program for bars which teaches you to touch/devolop "killer instict" (ala being more aggresive)
 
Back in Nashville for the weekend.

I went out with my friend and I approached girls but I was pretty slow at it. But I guess it's a huge step up from the last time I was here where I literally had to just force myself to walk into every establishment and do nothing for 5 minutes and I didn't really talk to anyone at all I suppose.

Honestly there were only 2 really notable approaches.

One of them I should have just done legit nightgame on. There was a chick who (I didn't realize) was a few inches taller than me and immediately after I hit on her she was like "you aren't intimidated that I'm taller than you? how would this even work are you gonna stand on a stool to kiss me". I was like "no I don't give a fuck I think you're fuckin hot". We had a conversation for a lil bit and I got her number but I don't even care about that. I thought about it like after 1 minute of leaving and I was like holy fuck she wanted me to keep going and making moves on her and I almost feel like i literally blueballed HER by not going for it right there. Or at least I should have continued to talk to her and chilled instead of just dipping with her number.

The other one was kind of strange. There were these girls playing this card game where they went up to random dudes and did silly dares. They came up to me and told me to hand my phone over and they will call the last person I called. So I did, although the person didn't pick up. Later I saw them kiss a random dude, and I was like...hold on. I decided just to go up to her and be like "yo give me a kiss" and she and her friends were like "whoa!!!!". I said it was my "card" and that she needed to do it but then I got shit-tested HARD and her friend was like "show me your card! Does it say 'ask a single girl to kiss you'???" I guess they didn't understand my metaphor but I decided just to eject because it was kind of retarded haha. But I did this "approach" because I knew I would be hitting myself if I didn't, so that was on them haha.

I think I need to stop doing daygame at night. I feel like doing daygame strats at night on a girl who is interested in you is literally blueballing her. As far as I can tell from going out at night a lot, any girl who is actually interested in you wants you to lead her and make some moves, and asking for a number is literally just ending the interaction, so from now on I'm gonna stop asking for numbers without making any moves on girls. This is going to be WAY HARDER than regular daygame but I have to do it.
 
Olafsmash said:
"Really wish there was a "Physical Contact Anxiety Program"
There is some of this in the AA program. Gll also has its own program for bars which teaches you to touch/devolop "killer instict" (ala being more aggresive)
Click to expand...

Yeah I think I should check out some of these drills specifically. I feel really solid up until it involves physical contact past hugging. Like I can pretty much just go up to any girl I want (day or night) and talk to her now, but what next?
 
colgate said:
Olafsmash said:
"Really wish there was a "Physical Contact Anxiety Program"
There is some of this in the AA program. Gll also has its own program for bars which teaches you to touch/devolop "killer instict" (ala being more aggresive)
Click to expand...

Yeah I think I should check out some of these drills specifically. I feel really solid up until it involves physical contact past hugging. Like I can pretty much just go up to any girl I want (day or night) and talk to her now, but what next?
Click to expand...

Go read a bunch of articles on GLL. Chris lays it out exactly what you need to do. https://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/how-to-go-out-alone/how-to-go-out-alone-to-bars-part-8
Read this from part 1.
Find "killer instict" articles.
 
This was 2 nights ago.

I went out with my friend again to Broadway at night and did 9 approaches? But I decided to get buzzed as well haha

Later we went to a Mexican club somewhere else and I was able to immediately put my arm around this one girl and we started hitting it off but I didn't escalate from there and she found some other dude on the dance floor. WHERE'S MY KILLER INSTINCT AAAAAAAAAAAA THIS ONE WAS LITERALLY HANDED TO ME

I was a bit bummed and the night would end with me getting totally plastered because I hit a gravity bong twice like it was a vape, having the worst fully-conscious high of my life (I couldn't move my limbs or body at all), and I ended up puking in that girl's car 🤷

青春がすばらしいなあ

(also gonna stop doing rolling stat counts, i think it's really distracting from my main goal which is literally to Get Laid)
 
I was at my mom's for a week and decided to use my time there as an opportunity to take a step back and evaluate what I've done in the past few weeks.

The confidence I've gained from approaching girls, and the realization that *I* am the driver of my own car led me to believe that I can actually make my "pipe dreams" happen, and that I don't need approval from my parents or friends about what I choose to do with my life.

My pipe dream is to move to Japan for at least a year, play music live at dance clubs and shows, and busk during the day on the streets playing the drums.

I wrote the following general "main plan" with some starting tasks to do:

Become a minimalist. Get rid of as much as possible.
  • Sell it on Facebook Marketplace
    Pawn it off at McKays
    Give it away
    Toss it

Continue to approach girls in the daytime.
  • Builds confidence
    You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
    PUSH FOR INSTADATES. Number is a last resort.
    Go for highest volume possible. High volume -> more dates
    In 3 weeks with ~100 approaches, you got 2 dates

Continue to go out at night.
  • Don’t bother with numbers.
    Physical Contact Escalation
    • Hand over girl
      Go for the kiss, aggressive not smooth

Get back into music production (with the aim of having a live show)
  • Start 365 project to spend 2 hours a day in Logic Pro X
    Give yourself permission to suck, even though you’ve been making music for 9 years. It's new software (to you).

Get back into playing drums (with the aim of busking)
  • Obtain a drum kit (just kick, snare, and hi-hat)
    Take it out on Sunday to busk practice.
    Give yourself permission to suck.

Pass the JLPT N1 in December 2022 (with the aim of moving to Japan in 2023) (I wanted to try N2 at the end of this year also, but apparently registration closed lolzzzz)
  • Find JLPT N1 study materials
    Develop a study plan

Get yoked
  • Learn how to eat 3000 calories a day with minimal prep and minimal consumption effort/time
    Create a workout plan to help you get BIG (hypertrophy, rather than strength)

Work smarter
  • Work 3 hours a day (including meetings), with NO distractions
    • Set specific goals that you MUST finish in the three hours for that day



I'm also interested having an accountability partner to help me stay on track. We can discuss each others' goals and it'd be really awesome to have someone to motivate me, and someone for me to motivate. DM me if interested.
 
Also I really think I'm not making my life any easier by remaining in my small city. I talked with a friend in Nashville and he said he's willing to let me stay at his house for a month if I split rent with him and his roommate. So I plan on making that move within the next 1-3 weeks.

His roommate is also a Tinder pro and pulls 18 year olds regularly, and is a professional videographer and said he'll help me with my online dating profiles when I get over there.
 
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