GN's Progress Log - Self-Love Arc: A bit better this week + Physique Update

[Akilles7]

Did not think this would ever happen but I actually got a date from cold approaching a girl.

Hell yeah bro! The first of many. Girl looks really hot.

I went in for a hug to open my date like I usually do but I guess she didn’t entirely expect it. She did like some side hug thing but what I picked up from that was she probably doesn’t respond as good to touch or my nervous vibe leaked out. She didn’t seem to dislike it though as general date vibes were still good, but I got comfort cuck vibes immediately. It was worse for me than usual because combined with her being very attractive and her reaction to the hug I got the feeling if I did anything insanely uncalibrated like any of my past dates the vibe would be fucked up completely and be irredeemable.

It's good you broke the touch barrier ASAP, even if it was a little awkward. Don't forget: her response to the hug may have nothing to do with what you did. She may also be nervous as well. You're a random man who cold approached her and got her on a date. Why shouldn't she be a little nervous? There is a possibility she doesn't respond well to touch, but, in my experience, very, very few girls are like that. Even if they're shy or nervous, almost all girls like/want to be touched or grabbed by masculine guy.

As far as you doing "anything insanely uncalibrated" that would fuck up the vibe of the date completely and irredeemably, stop worrying about that immediately. Like GLL Chris says, "Stop giving a shit about being smooth." First of all, she agreed to go on a date, which means she probably likes you already. Secondly, you're meeting a stranger. It's not going to go smoothly because neither of you know each other yet. She probably thinks she made it awkward. Thirdly, even if you think made a "fuck up," you can still easily rebound. For example, just make fun of the "awkward hug." Or say, "let's try that again (while laughing). Or, even better, "Let's try it another way." Then shake her hand, spin her around, grab her hand, and lead her inside the coffee shop. The point is, the best way to deal with an "awkward" situation is to just address it head on. This shows the girl you're socially calibrated and that she can relax and drop her guard. Don't let any "awkward" situation fester because it'll make you more nervous and make the girl more nervous. Laugh it off instead.

Get sat down near some chairs that are side by side with each other.

I take it you didn't use the opportunity to touch her? to put your hand on her thigh, play with her hands, put your arm on the back of her chair? Non-verbals like that are way more important in sexualizing the interaction than the conversation. Was she wearing any rings? Use that as an excuse to touch/play with her hands. "yoooo those are cool. Lemme take a closer look." Meanwhile you ask her about where she got them. Does she have nice nails? "yoooo those are cool. Lemme take a closer look. Very tasteful." Does she have earrings? What if she doesn't have earrings? Touch her ears to see if they're pierced. "Why aren't you wearing any?" Does she have tatoos? Is she wearing a cute/sexy top? You get the idea.

The date felt a lot more like a getting to know each other type of thing because my anxiety is a bitch.

I know overcoming this is hard, but you have to get out of your own head. The more you focus on your anxiety, the worse it gets. The best solution is to focus on the girl's eyes until she looks away, or, better yet, focus on touching her.

I didn't want the date to feel too platonic so I used an opportunity within the conversation to ask her about her dating past.

I strongly advise against ever bringing this up in conversation with a chick. A) I don't give a shit because all I care about is having a good time with her and fucking her. B) It's guaranteed the girl is going to start thinking about an ex, or some dude who fucked her and didn't call her back, and then she'll start thinking about him and not be focused on you and what's going on. Shit, when a girl has asked me that question, I start to reminisce about my past lays. Avoid the subject entirely. There's a reason she's on a date with you and not in a relationship. Show her a good time, turn her on, and have sex with her.

She then asked me "so is this your first time going on a date with a girl you met on the street". I semi-dodged the question by saying "I have been on dates with girls I have met in real life" and fired back asking her if she gets approached a lot. She also kinda deflected but said I am the first guy to approach her in a respectful way. Kinda didn't know how to respond to that, just was like "oh thats interesting".

Why dodge the question? Just be honest. Your response is really odd and evasive. Your follow-up question sounds like she offended you with that question. Her response to your follow-up also sounds like she was disappointed because you turned out to not be the guy she thought you were. Don't pretend to be a player. It takes time to become that. But the absolute worst thing you possibly be on a first date is fake. Everyone can spot a fake almost instantly.

I walk her to the crosswalk, no hand holding cuz at this point I see zero purpose in it. It adds no value to a first date unless we really really vibe like that. I do kinda touch her on the shoulder a bit when she’s telling me about how much she thinks her apartment is scamming her but then says “I’m sorry I’m complaining about this, I know I should try to be more positive”, but I do try to be reassuring. Not sure if this was the right move but since I am trying to be more positive myself I want to offer my support to anyone who shows the same attitude. We get to the crosswalk and she says she has to go. So I lean in for a hug but she does turn her face away a bit so I assume that means no kiss. From what I have observed from dates, it’s easy to do when we are both making eye contact right before we part ways. At that point it’s a matter of leaning in and just going for it.

Grab her hand anyway anyway. Fuck the vibe. I know you're still learning, but you're overcomplicating things with all this game analysis. She was hot right? Idk about you, but when I'm in the presence of a hot girl that I know is interested in me all I can think about is pulling her hair back and kissing her neck. I don't give a shit about her past relationships, her apartment struggles, etc.

You have to ask yourself: what was the point of this date? To practice your "game?" To work on your anxiety? Isn't the whole point of doing all this and being on this forum to fuck a lot of hot girls? I know you're working through your anxiety, but trust me, the best way to overcome it is to go on dates where you try everything you can to sleep with the girl (within reason). Focusing on anxiety just reinforces it.

-I’m trying to figure out is how to strike a balance. If I don’t try too much to build tension in my head I think I am too platonic. If I try too hard though I scare them off and kill any odds of a second date. Its probably better I be too aggressive than not aggressive enough. I say this because I was texting her some time after the date and she said she is not sure if she is looking for anything right now but is open to being friends. I basically got friendzoned because most likely she picked up on my anxiety and was just trying to be nice. Loki did a mini-analysis it and said my date frame just completely collapsed and she dominated the frame.

Forget about second dates. Forget about balance. Be aggressive (obviously if a girl tells you to stop, you stop). If some girls don't dig it, whatever. On to the next one. We're in this game to get laid.

 

[G.N]

It's good you broke the touch barrier ASAP, even if it was a little awkward. Don't forget: her response to the hug may have nothing to do with what you did. She may also be nervous as well. You're a random man who cold approached her and got her on a date. Why shouldn't she be a little nervous? There is a possibility she doesn't respond well to touch, but, in my experience, very, very few girls are like that. Even if they're shy or nervous, almost all girls like/want to be touched or grabbed by masculine guy.

As far as you doing "anything insanely uncalibrated" that would fuck up the vibe of the date completely and irredeemably, stop worrying about that immediately. Like GLL Chris says, "Stop giving a shit about being smooth." First of all, she agreed to go on a date, which means she probably likes you already. Secondly, you're meeting a stranger. It's not going to go smoothly because neither of you know each other yet. She probably thinks she made it awkward. Thirdly, even if you think made a "fuck up," you can still easily rebound. For example, just make fun of the "awkward hug." Or say, "let's try that again (while laughing). Or, even better, "Let's try it another way." Then shake her hand, spin her around, grab her hand, and lead her inside the coffee shop. The point is, the best way to deal with an "awkward" situation is to just address it head on. This shows the girl you're socially calibrated and that she can relax and drop her guard. Don't let any "awkward" situation fester because it'll make you more nervous and make the girl more nervous. Laugh it off instead.

That's true, I never really considered that she is nervous to meet a new guy. Its probably just a mindset thing where I think I have to sort of "prove" myself worthy to the girl. Girls almost never let a guy they aren't attracted to touch them so the fact she is letting me touch her means she is attracted to me regardless of her being shy. But that is a great point, address any awkwardness so that it will allow the girl to feel relaxed and comfortable in her femininity with me.

I take it you didn't use the opportunity to touch her? to put your hand on her thigh, play with her hands, put your arm on the back of her chair? Non-verbals like that are way more important in sexualizing the interaction than the conversation. Was she wearing any rings? Use that as an excuse to touch/play with her hands. "yoooo those are cool. Lemme take a closer look." Meanwhile you ask her about where she got them. Does she have nice nails? "yoooo those are cool. Lemme take a closer look. Very tasteful." Does she have earrings? What if she doesn't have earrings? Touch her ears to see if they're pierced. "Why aren't you wearing any?" Does she have tatoos? Is she wearing a cute/sexy top? You get the idea.

I usually do this with girls I am on dates with. I don't think she had any rings or tattoos or whatever and usually those are what I use. I did it a lot with the art girl on Monday. When I was writing a response to your feedback I was starting to believe the best way to create a non-platonic/sexualized frame was in subcomms and nonverbals.

Now that I remember it she did get her nails done and I did touch her hand a little to point out that I think they are nice. That was about it though but in general I was hesitating to touch her for the same reasons you mentioned above. I used to do this thing of when I am showing a girl something on my phone I get close and put my arm around her, though I also found out hand on thigh is actually better if not just as good.

I know overcoming this is hard, but you have to get out of your own head. The more you focus on your anxiety, the worse it gets. The best solution is to focus on the girl's eyes until she looks away, or, better yet, focus on touching her.

That is true, getting in my own head has probably brings down my date quality more versus me touching the girl in an uncalibrated manner. I did focus on her eyes and making good eye contact, but you're right I should have put more effort into touching her.

I strongly advise against ever bringing this up in conversation with a chick. A) I don't give a shit because all I care about is having a good time with her and fucking her. B) It's guaranteed the girl is going to start thinking about an ex, or some dude who fucked her and didn't call her back, and then she'll start thinking about him and not be focused on you and what's going on. Shit, when a girl has asked me that question, I start to reminisce about my past lays. Avoid the subject entirely. There's a reason she's on a date with you and not in a relationship. Show her a good time, turn her on, and have sex with her.

Since I understand from you now that to create the desired frame I want I should use subcomms and nonverbals, I will stop asking about that. I had another date after this one where the girl went on way too much about an ex, not like missing him but just clowning him. I have been getting way too lucky with my dates most of these girls haven't dated around all that much, but this recent date which I will write about in my log, definitely makes me agree with you.

Why dodge the question? Just be honest. Your response is really odd and evasive. Your follow-up question sounds like she offended you with that question. Her response to your follow-up also sounds like she was disappointed because you turned out to not be the guy she thought you were. Don't pretend to be a player. It takes time to become that. But the absolute worst thing you possibly be on a first date is fake. Everyone can spot a fake almost instantly.

I just wasn't sure how to respond to it, I don't know very well how girls view guys who cold approach them. But I guess she doesn't think its weird if she is on a date with me from it lol. Didn't really think she was disappointed but it makes sense, I think I am too worried about how girls see my actions.

In retrospect I could have just said "yeah, you're the first girl I went on a date with I met randomly", and tbh its not a bad response. People meet people randomly all the damn time.

Grab her hand anyway anyway. Fuck the vibe. I know you're still learning, but you're overcomplicating things with all this game analysis. She was hot right? Idk about you, but when I'm in the presence of a hot girl that I know is interested in me all I can think about is pulling her hair back and kissing her neck. I don't give a shit about her past relationships, her apartment struggles, etc.

You have to ask yourself: what was the point of this date? To practice your "game?" To work on your anxiety? Isn't the whole point of doing all this and being on this forum to fuck a lot of hot girls? I know you're working through your anxiety, but trust me, the best way to overcome it is to go on dates where you try everything you can to sleep with the girl (within reason). Focusing on anxiety just reinforces it.

Shit yeah you're right. More I think about it, her being hot I should have been MORE aggressive than usual. Why do I think this? Because most likely she has been on dates with other guys, and those other guys probably also got shy in her presence because she is attractive. If I am not shy that makes me stick out from the other guys and she will think a lot higher of me and be more likely to sleep with me.

 

[G.N]

Second Lay + Date Log: Lightskin from Bumble

This date was at 6 and I got there a few minutes early but she was already there. I greeted her with a hug which she received well. One thing I noted was she had a different hairstyle. Over text I asked her which was most recent out of curiosity and she said straight but she had puffy curly hair when I met her, also she had glasses on which none of her pics included. Either way she still looked cute but I thought her braids/straight hair looked way cuter. She was wearing some skimpy top and jean shorts, cute face and her body looked really nice too albeit slightly chubby. Especially her ass which caught my attention on her ig lol. I paid for our drinks then we got sat down.

Her voice seemed kinda monotone and I thought she looked kinda disinterested. I was beginning to think it would be a boring date but I decided to keep an open mind. We got our drinks and then sat down, I asked her about some basic introductory stuff, at this point I just assume maybe she is shy. Akilles did tell me girls can be just as nervous going on a first date as I am. Good thing though is I was able to get her to talk way more than me when I started asking her about her career and stuff. Interests wise we didn't have much in common at all except for painting (despite the fact I quit it 4 years ago). She seemed more than happy to dig into her career stuff and why she chose the path that she did. I sort of have a similar career path as her so conversation finally gets flowing. A lot of school, career, and friends yap ensued and I realized she was doing most of the talking which was good. I touched her thighs at one point when I was showing her pictures of my dog because she also has one and she was showing me them. Her eye contact followed the same pattern as how she was in conversation. At the start sort of avoidant but as she talked more her eye contact got stronger.

I did bring up the whole topic of dating pasts and now I understand why maybe it isn't ideal to ask this here on out. I have been getting lucky most of the girls I have went on dates with haven't dated around much or had insane experiences (or they could just be lying who knows) so they don't talk too much about it. This chick said she was in 2 relationships and yapped a lot about her most recent ex and she's all like "why did I even give him a chance", basically telling me how terrible he was. She asked me about mine I just talked about my ex from years ago for a little bit but didn't say anything to villanize her, kept it brief and moved topics. I brought up her hair and touched it and she started going on a lot about her hairstyles and stuff and started showing me more pictures of her different hairstyles. She started touching my hair a bit and teased me for having a few gray hairs. In a jokey way I responded with something like "guess that means I work really hard, you think you're gonna give me more?" and she laughs a little and gets slightly defensive. I just make it known I am joking.

We leave the boba place and go outside. I ask her if she has any plans for the day and she says no so I ask if she wants to chill at my place and she is like "sure". So we head there and get seated on my couch. She asks about my roommates and I say I don't really see them all that often. I offer her some water and I let her get comfy. I sit very close to her with my arm around her. We talk for some more about family and stuff. At one point I say to her that I didn't know she wore glasses (plus forgot to point out earlier), so she talks more about those. I tell her I also don't wear mine often, and I use that as an excuse to take her to my room. In retrospect I could have done straight to my room but I think the living room couch might make it seem like I am not tryna immediately fuck, which is good for comfort. This is theory-celling though so anyone is free to lmk if its unnecessary. Anyways we get to my room, close the door, and she plops down on my bed. I show her the glasses and she says she thinks I look cute in them. I sit next to her, arm around again. She says my room is kinda cold which is making her legs twitch so I go and turn off the AC, and get back next to her. We talk some more, and I notice her legs aren't twitching anymore, so I comment on that as I move my hand up and down her thigh while I am making eye contact. She isn't giving me any resistance so I take it as compliance. I move my other hand up to her hair again and complimented it. She seemed to like it though she did say she likes it better when its in braids, and referenced some pic on her insta saying she also liked that her acne wasn't very visible in it. I brought my face super close to hers and said I barely see any acne. Her and I were right in each others face at this point in time so we started making out.

We make out for a bit before she pulls away with her arms still around me and says she wants to hear me talk a bit more about myself. I say that I did talk a lot during when we were at the boba spot, but she says she thinks I am mysterious and said my profile gave off that vibe. I briefly mentioned my hobbies so I go into a bit more detail about some of them, she does bring up some experiences with said hobbies when she tried them out. After a bit I am leaning in again to try and build tension and before long we do start making out again but then AGAIN she does the whole thing about wanting to hear me talk more. Its just a damn strange situation so in an endearing way I ask her what more she wants to know about me and she asks about travel experiences. I talk some more to entertain her, she has some travel experience so we talk about that for a bit. I am getting a bit more handsy and I am starting to feel like if we keep making out she's gonna keep this cycle up. It does happen again where we make out, she pulls away to talk, yadda. Though one time she does stop to admire my facial features and tells me how much she likes my beard and eyebrows. I am still getting the vibe she is thinking about having sex cuz her hand is on my dick through my pants and she is touching it. This is an odd situation, so I try to think of something else to do to build tension. What I end up doing is getting her laid out on my bed and just running my hands all across her body and kissing her in certain areas to turn her on.

At this point she knows I want to fuck and calls it out. I say something about how I value physical contact, but she also says some stuff about how she usually doesn't do the whole fucking a guy on the first date thing. I was heavy selling the dream here to reach my end goal. She does also say some stuff about past experiences and how it doesn't end well. I feel like me turning her on isn't working so I kinda just give up and say I won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to. She had "Relationship" in her Bumble bio so I am surprised she let things get to this point on a first date. But right after I said that she said she does feel bad that she has been teasing me a lot, I call that out and say I have been doing the same. My balls getting kinda blue cuz we have been making out, talking, and feeling up each other. At the same time I still think she is just going to leave so as a last minute "fuck it" I offer oral/fingering her. I did try sliding my hands into her panties while we were making out but she rejected it, thats why I asked directly. She refused and said how she is more of a giver than a reciever. That is something I found interesting cuz I thought most girls really like foreplay? Well I was damn curious so I decided to pique her curiosity to see if she was in a "giving mood". She said not super sure but she was still feeling bad about teasing me so much, but then she asked me about my experience level and if I had any STDs. I was dead honest because sooner or later she would find out anyways, I wasn't gonna see her again, and I wasn't even sure if I would fuck I am just throwing shit at a wall and hoping it sticks. I just said I am not very experienced and no STDs. I asked her the same back and she said she is experience but is also clean.

See this is where it gets interesting, now she seems more curious about sex with me. She references fucking/blowing an inexperienced guy as a fantasy of hers, so I start playing into the fantasy. Eventually she tells me to take my pants off and she takes my dick out of my underwear. First she is giving me a handjob while we are making out, then she moves down to my dick and starts sucking it. My dick is getting decently hard while she is going at it. Goddamn she is good. My only other oral experience was my first lay back in October and I couldn't tell if it was bad or good head since I had no other reference. After this chick I can say with confidence it wasn't good cuz I felt I had to fake moans and expressions to not hurt her feelings but she anyways decided to aggressively grab my dick and stroke it to make me cum. This chick was going to town using her hands and taking it all the way to the base. This was 10x better oral than my first lay. I got way too wrapped up in how good it was and I came really fucking fast. The orgasm wasn't as hard as I thought it would be as my dumbass made the mistake of masturbating in the afternoon so even with some slight blue balls the orgasm wasn't as satisfying. Still really good. She also swallowed all my cum clean off my dick, damn this chick is something.

My dick was still kinda hard so she wanted to keep sucking so I let her because I was enjoying it. Feeling her mouth without having to worry about cumming again soon was hot but I did feel my dick getting softer again so I took it out of her mouth and we started making out again. I complimented her head skills and remarked how her pussy must feel just as good. She takes it positively and says she is down to ride me. Ofc I came not too long ago so it will take a bit for me to get it up again. She stands up and takes off her pants and holy fuck her ass and body were just really hot. Her jean shorts kinda pushed up her stomach a bit so she looked slighly chubby but without it she doesn't look that way at all. On her insta her other pics in other clothes she doesn't look chubby, just these shorts in particular. Her ass is also just perfect. Its round, big but not huge, and soft. Its absolutely the kind of ass I want in a girl plus the white thong panties she wore accentuated those curves of hers. The August 2022 me never thought he would be able to fuck a girl with an ass that nice but he made it happen...sorta. I get up off the bed and make out with her more standing up. I am feeling her up way way more than I was earlier, getting absolutely lost in her ass. We got back down on my bed and we were making out, I could feel my dick getting a little hard again so I asked if she wanted to suck me off again so I can get it harder and fuck. She obliges and starts sucking and goddamn the view and experience was so hot. She was sucking my cock while I had one hand holding her hair and the other squeezing one of her ass cheeks.

I did feel myself getting decently hard so I get a condom and try to put it on, struggle. Not this shit again, she helps me out and we get it on but my dick does go kinda soft and she mentions it. It feels super tight on me too despite being an XL size. I tell her I just am frustrated with condoms due to my size, which she understands. She does offhanded mention me possibly going raw since she is on birth control but I don't want to risk it, its only like 95% effective anyways. At this point I am trying to get it hard properly so I can fuck her. I really messed up here because I started putting too much pressure on myself to have proper sex. My general sexual anxiety also started taking over. She takes off her panties and tries to take my dick and insert it in her but its a struggle. I try missionary but my dick keeps missing or bending somewhat, its creating friction on the most sensitive part of my dick. I am able to get it in at a point but I barely feel much of her pussy (most likely from how tight the condom is) and I created so much friction from my missed attempts+being a sex noob I cum from one stroke. Needless to say I am pretty disappointed. I technically got the lay but I don't feel satisfied.

She and I put our clothes back on. I apologized to her for being disappointing but she doesn't respond negatively to me and she says that its okay and not to worry. I am still ashamed cuz I put so much effort into getting this chick to fuck me and I couldn't perform. Plus I sold her this dream of being a good boyfriend and she commented while we were making out of what she liked about me. Anyways I walk her back to her car and give her a kiss before she takes off. I deleted my Bumble profile right after because I am going to take a break from the apps for a while as I head into surgery. Also don't want more drama.

Notes:
-I was really fucking disappointed in myself for not being able to perform. I blame my sexual anxiety, compulsive fapping, recent porn use, and stress as to why. I also didn't wait long enough after the first orgasm to recover. I kept telling myself "I need to fuck her" rather than just feeling good in the moment. I wanted to fully satisfy my ego. I am sure I will fix this with time. For now the plan is to quit porn and fapping. Plus work on inner game for anxiety. If you guys have any other feedback or things I can do I would appreciate that.

-I feel kinda terrible about the selling the dream thing. Because under different circumstances I did find her attractive enough to where if we went on multiple dates and we did vibe like that its possible I could see myself with her. So not entirely a lie on my end but partly. I hate being deceitful about stuff like this.

-I find it difficult to see my lays as real lays because I didn't fully have sex with them but I only got my penis in them so it still technically counts. I did get enough compliance out of them as to where if my dick worked I could fuck them properly. I still think I should feel accomplished as I managed to lose my virginity after 21 years and now I got a cute chick in my bed who wanted to fuck. Plus she had features I wanted in my ideal woman/thought I would never achieve. I need to be more proud of myself.

 

[pancakemouse]

I bestow this emoji on you, GN44 as the latest to experience the power of black girl magic.

YOU FUCKING KING

---

Now, some specific feedback.

I did bring up the whole topic of dating pasts and now I understand why maybe it isn't ideal to ask this here on out. I have been getting lucky most of the girls I have went on dates with haven't dated around much or had insane experiences (or they could just be lying who knows) so they don't talk too much about it. This chick said she was in 2 relationships and yapped a lot about her most recent ex and she's all like "why did I even give him a chance", basically telling me how terrible he was.

You just have to frame control this: "yeah i hear ya that sucks that's why its good to move on" <change subject>

In retrospect I could have done straight to my room but I think the living room couch might make it seem like I am not tryna immediately fuck, which is good for comfort. This is theory-celling though so anyone is free to lmk if its unnecessary.

Don't do straight to room unless roommates are home. No real benefit, better to baby step it.

We make out for a bit before she pulls away with her arms still around me and says she wants to hear me talk a bit more about myself. I say that I did talk a lot during when we were at the boba spot, but she says she thinks I am mysterious and said my profile gave off that vibe. I briefly mentioned my hobbies so I go into a bit more detail about some of them, she does bring up some experiences with said hobbies when she tried them out. After a bit I am leaning in again to try and build tension and before long we do start making out again but then AGAIN she does the whole thing about wanting to hear me talk more. Its just a damn strange situation so in an endearing way I ask her what more she wants to know about me and she asks about travel experiences. I talk some more to entertain her, she has some travel experience so we talk about that for a bit. I am getting a bit more handsy and I am starting to feel like if we keep making out she's gonna keep this cycle up. It does happen again where we make out, she pulls away to talk, yadda. Though one time she does stop to admire my facial features and tells me how much she likes my beard and eyebrows. I am still getting the vibe she is thinking about having sex cuz her hand is on my dick through my pants and she is touching it. This is an odd situation, so I try to think of something else to do to build tension. What I end up doing is getting her laid out on my bed and just running my hands all across her body and kissing her in certain areas to turn her on.

At this point she knows I want to fuck and calls it out.

Too much chase by you here. The vibe you want to give off in these moments is "I want this less than the girl does". Always be pulling away before she does. Make her chase YOU. Otherwise she knows you want it too much and that triggers her alarm bells.

Luckily you played it very well with her curiosity into wanting to blow you and managed to get past it - there are many ways to skin the cat, but with better setup you could have avoided all this and had more smooth sailing.

See this is where it gets interesting, now she seems more curious about sex with me. She references fucking/blowing an inexperienced guy as a fantasy of hers, so I start playing into the fantasy. Eventually she tells me to take my pants off and she takes my dick out of my underwear. First she is giving me a handjob while we are making out, then she moves down to my dick and starts sucking it. My dick is getting decently hard while she is going at it. Goddamn she is good. My only other oral experience was my first lay back in October and I couldn't tell if it was bad or good head since I had no other reference. After this chick I can say with confidence it wasn't good cuz I felt I had to fake moans and expressions to not hurt her feelings but she anyways decided to aggressively grab my dick and stroke it to make me cum. This chick was going to town using her hands and taking it all the way to the base. This was 10x better oral than my first lay. I got way too wrapped up in how good it was and I came really fucking fast. The orgasm wasn't as hard as I thought it would be as my dumbass made the mistake of masturbating in the afternoon so even with some slight blue balls the orgasm wasn't as satisfying. Still really good. She also swallowed all my cum clean off my dick, damn this chick is something.

Who needs porn!!! You should be satisfying yourself to this mental image for years to come. It is truly astounding how much of a range there is with female oral skills. I can say after ~140 or so, girls like these are rare, so relish in it.

I was really fucking disappointed in myself for not being able to perform. I blame my sexual anxiety, compulsive fapping, recent porn use, and stress as to why. I also didn't wait long enough after the first orgasm to recover. I kept telling myself "I need to fuck her" rather than just feeling good in the moment. I wanted to fully satisfy my ego. I am sure I will fix this with time. For now the plan is to quit porn and fapping. Plus work on inner game for anxiety. If you guys have any other feedback or things I can do I would appreciate that.

All good. This will fix itself with time. I had on and off issues for my first 10-20 lays.

 

[Olafsmash]

Enjoyable read, congratz

For ED issue, one tactic is once you get in your head and start pressuring yourself, it's best to take control of the situation by slowing things down, being honest that your in your in head with performance anxiety, and that it's best to chill abit with cuddles and making out. Be unapologetic about it, and kind to yourself.

Telling the girl and getting her reassurance that it's okay, can remove the massive pressure where you think she's dissapointed you cant get it up.

Trying to force up a boner with thoughts has failed every single time ive tried.

Also motorboating that ass and a bj counts as sex in my book xpp

 

[G.N]

I bestow this emoji on you, GN44 as the latest to experience the power of black girl magic.

YOU FUCKING KING

Ayyye thanks man. Black girls, especially lightskins are top tier.

You just have to frame control this: "yeah i hear ya that sucks that's why its good to move on" <change subject>

Which is what I did. Just threw some "oh damn that sucks", because I figured asking more questions would just make most of the date about her ex who I don't give a flying fuck about.

Too much chase by you here. The vibe you want to give off in these moments is "I want this less than the girl does". Always be pulling away before she does. Make her chase YOU. Otherwise she knows you want it too much and that triggers her alarm bells.

Luckily you played it very well with her curiosity into wanting to blow you and managed to get past it - there are many ways to skin the cat, but with better setup you could have avoided all this and had more smooth sailing.

I agree, I was just horny and its been a while since I made out with a girl so I was really really wanting this. I should have maybe talked a bit more during the date so she has less excuse to pull away so I could initiate any pull aways. foducossy42 pointed it out to me that her whole pulling away to talk thing was her logical brain kicking in about her making out with a guy she doesn't know a ton about so I need to get her back to an emotional brain state. You're right though I could have had a smoother road had I put more effort into controlling the frame and passing her shit tests if you could consider what she did a "shit test" rather than qualifying to her.

Who needs porn!!! You should be satisfying yourself to this mental image for years to come. It is truly astounding how much of a range there is with female oral skills. I can say after ~140 or so, girls like these are rare, so relish in it.

I am still reminiscing about her ass and how good the blowjob was. Her skin was also super soft and warm, sucks I am leaving uni cuz otherwise I think I could have made her a plate. My turmoil around the reason for why I relapsed to porn has been resolved but I think I am still using it out of habit, so now its time I just refocus on kicking it again especially since school is done.

Enjoyable read, congratz

For ED issue, one tactic is once you get in your head and start pressuring yourself, it's best to take control of the situation by slowing things down, being honest that your in your in head with performance anxiety, and that it's best to chill abit with cuddles and making out. Be unapologetic about it, and kind to yourself.

Telling the girl and getting her reassurance that it's okay, can remove the massive pressure where you think she's dissapointed you cant get it up.

Trying to force up a boner with thoughts has failed every single time ive tried.

Also motorboating that ass and a bj counts as sex in my book xpp

Absolutely agree. I got in my head also cuz she said it was getting late and how she has to walk to her car in the dark. I said I would walk her back, nbd. Though she the same thing a few times but never seemed to truly have much urgency. I think it was cuz she truly was having fun w/ me though. But in the moment I thought she was fr and I wanted to just fuck her quickly so she can go. That is where the self pressure came from.

In retrospect if she kept showing little urgency or even if the urgency was increasing I should have taken it slow regardless.

 

[G.N]

4/29
Daily Actions:
->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1217
->Today's Sugar intake: 27g
->Today's Protein Intake: 61g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

4/30
Daily Actions:
->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1817
->Today's Sugar intake: 86g
->Today's Protein Intake: 96g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

5/1
Daily Actions:
->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1514
->Today's Sugar intake: 95g
->Today's Protein Intake: 51g
->Approach: Yes
->Skincare: Yes

5/2
Daily Actions:
->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2675
->Today's Sugar intake: 120g
->Today's Protein Intake: 71g
->Approach: No
->Skincare: Yes

Notes:
I haven't been eating much because I dealt with some pretty bad stomach cramps as a result of not eating at all on Saturday then trying to eat out a lot with my friends on Sunday. I have been slowly trying to eat more again.

I took a break from here to lock in for finals but still wanted to post my recent date logs so I could get feedback, otherwise I would forget important details about those dates. Finals was really rough, I spent a lot of time thinking I wouldn't be ready as I had a lot of content to cover. Felt a lot of pressure and was worried if I don't do this right I will most likely fail PBiochem 2. Molecular Genetics I wanted to clutch up an A-.

Well good news on both is I ended with a B+ on Molecular Genetics, even though its not the grade I wanted it was a very tough class with a lot of material I needed to know. On Tuesday I went to the research lab to finish the last part of my experiment for the grad student I was working under. Once I finished the experiment and started cleaning up my space I got a notification that my last final grade had been posted. Up until then I only got my Stats, Biochem Research, and Mol Gen grades entered so it was time to see if I passed PBiochem. I refreshed the page and my heart was beating so fast out of anxiety as I waited to see my final grade. I FUCKING PASSED WITH A B-. That was a massive load lifted off my shoulders. On Wednesday I got the results of my research and my results were very good so that made me happy too. Now I finally feel done with college.

I also scheduled my gyno surgery for May 9th, so a few days after my graduation. The day after I get back to California I have a preop appointment where they will show me some more surgery specifics and get some photos of me before my surgery. I am so excited for this long nightmare to end.

Once my stomach cramps became tolerable I tried to do some approaching. Did like 4 sets Monday and 1 set on Tuesday and Wednesday. Could have done way more if volume was better but many students have already cleared out of campus. One of my sets just blew me off or just briefly acknowledged me and just walked off not wanting to be bothered. Another didn’t acknowledge me even when I spoke up so I left. Maybe I should push harder with unresponsive sets but in the moment I didn’t want to incite unnecessary conflict.

I hung out with my wing on Tuesday and I helped him take some photos for his Hinge profile with my DSLR. I got two pics I really liked out of the ones I took and I sent them to him after a little editing. Feels nice to provide value to someone like him. Sucks I may never see him again and I’ve barely known him a month. I treated him to dinner as he did me a massive favor back when we first met. Wish there was more time we could spend but oh well. I’ve spent a lot of the last few days just having fun with friends and saying my goodbyes to all the fun I’ve had at OSU.

Also, before I took my finals I got a long text from K saying she wasn’t sure if she was in the place for an LDR and a bunch of other stuff about how she thinks I’m a great guy and all plus how she’s going through the stuff she is. I responded back saying my peace about how I think it’s best we just end things despite them never starting lol. I was already beginning to lose feelings when she blocked me anyways. But at least that’s out of my hair now.

 

[G.N]

As of May 5th I have officially graduated college with my Bachelors of Science in Biochemistry. Man what a journey these four years have been, but I can say with confidence I had a ton of fun in my last year. Ive spent a ton of time in the past few days reflecting on all that has transpired in the past year. I owe a huge portion of the reason I had fun to you guys here of the KYIL (now Winner Within but back then KYIL) community. I remember being hesitant to start a log here at the beginning of my 4th year but starting it was probably one of the best decisions I have made in my life. If it wasn't for the honest advice from you guys I would have just stayed another wallflower of a man who could barely get dates and thought the world was at fault, not himself. I won't lie though I have been kinda depressed over having to say goodbye to my friends. The first friend I made when I started putting myself out there and joining clubs sent me a text thanking me for being such a good friend and for the fun memories we and also our mutuals made together. Fuck man I was about to tear up right before my flight on the 5th. Overall I felt really connected at this uni, and I am glad I chose the school I did to spend 4 years of my life.

Because of this community's support I managed to lose my virginity. I also got better style, dating app pictures, vibe, and I became a better person through developing a growth mindset. August 2022 me saw myself as an undesirable piece of shit who would have to settle for some ugly woman, but now May 2024 me doesn't think that is the case. I feel like I am more desirable and I am worthy of love and sex. I went from 0 dates and lays before April 2023 to now 19 dates and 2 lays and a year later. All I needed to do was take control of my life and take action. Now more than ever before I stand closer to my goal of getting the kind of gf I want.

I say this from the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone of Winner Within for being patient with me even when I was at my worst. I still have a fuck ton of growth left to do externally and internally, but I am excited to see where the road takes me. Since I will be in recovery for gyno for a month I want to take more time to work on inner game. More specifically being a more positive person as well as being less anxious/neurotic. I tend to worry about shit all the time and overthink so doing less of that would be pretty rad.

I also just got gyno surgery yesterday. Feels so amazing to know the thing that caused me a decade worth of self hate and humiliation is gone. This community really helped me see how valuable doing this would be for me. On the topic of the operation itself, it went really well. Past few days they had me wash my chest with a special disinfectant wash so I did just that. Day of the surgery they called me at 9:30 AM and asked if I could come in now since my doctor is early. Originally they wanted me in at 10:30 AM. I called a Lyft and got checked in. Nurse had me sign a form or two, told me to change my clothes into a surgery gown, and shaved the surgery area. First the nurse took my vitals and inserted an IV into a vein in my forearm. Then the plastic surgeon came in, did some markings on my chest and made marks for where the lateral incision was going to be as well as the drainage tube. Once him and the nurse left the anesthesiologist came in and asked if I had any questions. I just clarified if the general anesthesia would have me not feel anything. He said I won't feel a thing, and that was great. He left and another nurse came in, did some last minute checks, and wheeled me into the OR. I got into the OR and they got me on the table, put an EKG to monitor my vitals, and gave me a warm blanket so I was comfortable. The anesthesiologist came in and was fiddling with my arm I had my IV in, moments later I started feeling some discomfort in that arm and I looked up at the operation room light.

Next thing I remember I was being wheeled into a new room when I woke up, feeling some tightness on my chest. I got told my dad was picking me up since my surgery ended while my mom was still at work. I was also told I wouldn't be needing drainage tubes, fucking awesome as my mom was freaking out a little about those. Turns out they administered the anesthesia through my IV which is why I felt that discomfort. The anesthesia had me so fucking woozy though and my movement and speech were not coherent at all. The nurse got me some juice to tide me over and I called my dad. I put on my clothes and headed home to take a nap. I slept for a good 1-2 hours and when I woke up I felt refreshed.

Surprisingly I am not in much pain, I can move my arms mostly fine minus lifting heavy objects and lifting my arms above my head. I can do basic tasks like eat, brush my teeth, skincare, etc. My only real pain is some discomfort in my chest, but thats what the meds are for. I took off my shirt to see my vest and feels so nice to see it mostly flat. There is some swelling though I can tell but it should die down after a week and then some as more time passes. I can't lie though my first night sleeping post surgery kinda bites. I can't move at all during my sleep and have to sleep with my head elevated. The recovery feels like one big exercise in focus.

I have my followup on May 15th so I can probably get a better picture of the difference surgery made then. Ill keep y'all posted and maybe put up a picture.

 

[G.N]

Changed my username to Vic since that is usually the name I go by on the internet. GN44 was just a very on the fly username anyways.

I am about 5 days post-op now and I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow. This vest is seriously irritating af time to time so hopefully he lets me take it off every now and then since its probably healed some. I am dying to take a proper shower. I told myself before recovery I was gonna try to put in effort towards inner work but I feel really directionless in my efforts and idk what else I should do. It feels so weird being unable to focus on gym and dating for the moment. Because of that I just feel lazy which bleeds into other areas of life that don't have as much to do with those two.

If we are talking what exactly I want to get better at its managing anxiety, stress, and thinking more positively.

The actions I think I have taken so far are:
->Quitting Porn
->Deleting Social Media that feeds me negativity off my phone/blocking it on my computer
->Actively reframing negative thoughts I have
->Going outside for at least 30 minutes to an hour a day

I am open to trying some new stuff to at least feel like I am taking some action towards these goals.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

for inner work, lock your phone and all internet access away and stare at a wall for 30 minutes. you can also go for a phoneless walk. journaling is also massively helpful.

it's a lot easier to peer into yourself when you are free from the shackles of the internet world

 

[starshipcaptain]

Congrats on your successful surgery, it sounds like it's a game-changer!

Regarding inner work: have you tried meditation? One of the most powerful things in the world is observing your own thoughts.

 

[Yggdrasil13]

I think it depends on what specific anxieties/negative thoughts are bothering you. Is there an area in particular? Girls, friends, money, etc.? Or a specific thought or set of thoughts or feelings?

 

[G.N]

for inner work, lock your phone and all internet access away and stare at a wall for 30 minutes. you can also go for a phoneless walk. journaling is also massively helpful.

it's a lot easier to peer into yourself when you are free from the shackles of the internet world

Started doing that at night, I turn off all electronics an hour before bed and journal at least a paragraph. I also try to get in one walk w/o my phone a day.

I think it depends on what specific anxieties/negative thoughts are bothering you. Is there an area in particular? Girls, friends, money, etc.? Or a specific thought or set of thoughts or feelings?

Negativity in general, like whenever I say something or think something there is a chance its accompanied by a negative thought. Anxiety just around most life events like a deadline, an upcoming date, and really anything to do with the future. Its tough to explain its just that my bad habits around stress, anxiety, and negativity are very ingrained in my being so I want to try and make the attempt to fix it

Congrats on your successful surgery, it sounds like it's a game-changer!

Regarding inner work: have you tried meditation? One of the most powerful things in the world is observing your own thoughts.

I did try it initially and didn't find it too helpful but I have started doing it before I sleep to relax my mind.

 

[hush]

Do you spend a lot of time on screens?

 

[G.N]

Do you spend a lot of time on screens?

Yes

------------------------------

5/16
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2491
Protein: 121g
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off at 11PM: Yes
Skincare: No

5/17
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2587
Protein: 117g
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off at 11PM: Yes
Skincare: Yes

5/18
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 2440
Protein: 99g
Meditation: Yes
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: Yes
Electronics off at 11PM: Yes
Skincare: Yes

5/19
Daily Actions:
Today's Calories: 1339
Protein: 50g
Meditation: No
Journal: Yes
30 Minute Phoneless Walk: No
Electronics off at 11PM: No
Skincare: Yes

Notes:

Created a New Daily Plan/Habit tracking thingy to stick to. I have been journaling for the past five days before bed and its been really helpful for looking into my thoughts. I try to reinforce positivity by taking anything negative I write in it and trying to say something positive in return. Ive been off painkillers for 5 days now. First 3 days my sleep was garbage. Next 2 days I started taking melatonin tablets before I go to bed which did help my sleep a little bit. I started using meditation before I sleep to calm my mind, surprisingly even when I struggle to sleep it still helps. Even with inconsistent sleep though my surgery results make me willing to put up with it. I am 1.5 weeks postop and my results look really good minus my right pec looking slightly more swollen than my left. When I had gyno my right moob was slightly larger than my left. It should go away in due time.

I have been working on my personal statement, master's applications, and tackling an AI project that my family friend invited me on as an intern. I didn't really have time to think about it my mom was just forcing it down my throat to help out my family friend. I am tired of unpaid shit. I feel like a dick for saying this but I feel like I am wasting my time and I should just go get a job involving patient care since thats what my future career is gonna involve. But whats the point complaining if I am taking little action towards actually getting a job. It could just be cuz of how when I have applied before most companies don't hit me back or I just get rejected. I filled out the forms and got approval to shadow a family friend once I finish my surgery recovery (early June). Once I finish shadowing, I will try to leverage the connection to get a job. I told my family about my feelings and got told I am looking at it the wrong way since AI is gonna be the future no matter what I think. I don't disagree but I just want to advance my career and focus on directly relevant stuff.

The harsh reality of being an adult is starting to hit me now. I was really sad about leaving college and saying goodbye to all my friends, but I took some solace in coming home and maybe reconnecting with my local best friends. But they all have their own lives now and are gonna be busier. Meanwhile my brother who just finished his first year is still able to have fun with his local friends and do fun stuff since they're still young. He also does far better in dating than me and I just feel jealous of his life now. Having a hard time staying positive. On that aspect I think I could ask if he could help me improve my profile. From what I have seen of his profile it just communicates high status so I should work to become someone who at least looks high status. I also need to diversify my outfit choices to look edgier. I have to reach the next level. I think I have progressed pretty linearly though. My level 1 was just random mishmash pictures, level 2 was my first photoshoot w/ some results, then level 3 was when I fixed my style+grooming and started taking pics. I got more results from that. Now I need to reach level 4 which is looking good and communicating higher status.

Theres a lot I need to work on, I feel pretty overwhelmed trying to tackle it all ngl. I think right now I am just looking for a sense of purpose.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

Started doing that at night, I turn off all electronics an hour before bed and journal at least a paragraph. I also try to get in one walk w/o my phone a day.

nice dude.

i still personally get into super fucked up mental states from being hooked onto a chat or screen all day. it used to be my default state of operation, in fact. maybe you also feel that way.

but i'm training myself how to snap out of it. since i bought a timer lock, i can "free" myself from the internet.
getting out the door without my phone and just walking aimlessly for as long as i want tends to get me in that brain wave state that allows for inner work. when i lived in america, i sometimes took a long drive instead.

I think right now I am just looking for a sense of purpose.

maybe the nophoning+walking will help with this, great to see you trying it out too!

also no-tech staring at the wall for 30-60 minutes tends to get you feeling aligned with a purpose. usually it's not that you don't have the ability to align yourself with your purpose, it's that you're too mentally distracted upstairs to be able to focus and hone in on it.

 

[Yggdrasil13]

Negativity in general, like whenever I say something or think something there is a chance its accompanied by a negative thought. Anxiety just around most life events like a deadline, an upcoming date, and really anything to do with the future. Its tough to explain its just that my bad habits around stress, anxiety, and negativity are very ingrained in my being so I want to try and make the attempt to fix it

Okay, I think you should dig a little deeper than just I tend to be negative. Like what kind of thoughts are we talking about. Is it “it sucks that it’s raining” or “my life sucks” because those are very different. “This movie is boring” or “I hate my job” Etc. Are these trivial thoughts or reflective of other problems? Are you holding negative beliefs that these thoughts are originating from?

The inner work and outer work are usually related, I wouldn’t think of them as separate. Living a great life is going to make you more positive and being more positive is going to improve your life. You need to work on it from both angles. If your life has glaring deficiencies, at least attempting to fix those is going to have to play a role in improving your attitude. Reading through your log I can see you have a lot of career issues right now. That’s normal for someone who just graduated. Sorting all this stuff out is going to be a part of the “inner work” too. It’s very hard to be happy when you don’t have employment and don’t have control over your life. I would take these problems as head on as you can. Try asking for the board’s advice about it, maybe somebody would have some insight.

Introspection and rational thought have their place as well, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by your problems and it starts to (wrongly) feel hopeless and you have to talk yourself out of that. But it does sound like you have some tangible problems to tackle.

 

[hush]

Spending time away from screens does wonder to my mental health, I encourage you to just go out more for walks, write down stuff... Locking down your screens 1 hour before bed is super nice! Try 2 or 3 once in a while. Try screen free evenings even.
Also, try starting using screens later in the day.

On Sundays I like not touching screens before 2pm. It feels good and ends up being a super productive moment.


I think screen-free time, meditation, walks, writing, sleeping enough, eating well, working out... all of this is a key part of inner game

 

[G.N]

nice dude.

i still personally get into super fucked up mental states from being hooked onto a chat or screen all day. it used to be my default state of operation, in fact. maybe you also feel that way.

but i'm training myself how to snap out of it. since i bought a timer lock, i can "free" myself from the internet.
getting out the door without my phone and just walking aimlessly for as long as i want tends to get me in that brain wave state that allows for inner work. when i lived in america, i sometimes took a long drive instead.

When I was in uni I would be sometimes be studying until I sleep so I would still be stressed and anxious af when I went to bed. Its a bad mindset I have with work that I need to "earn" my stress relief which I only think I deserve when I finish everything I wrote on my task list. Of course sometimes I don't make it happen cuz I overshoot how much I can get done in the day.

Sleep on its own doesn't function to relieve stress for me so I absolutely get what you are saying. When I turn off my electronics I just start getting ready for bed, do skincare, journal, and meditate. Any time I have in between I just fiddle with random stuff I have sitting around my room.

maybe the nophoning+walking will help with this, great to see you trying it out too!

also no-tech staring at the wall for 30-60 minutes tends to get you feeling aligned with a purpose. usually it's not that you don't have the ability to align yourself with your purpose, it's that you're too mentally distracted upstairs to be able to focus and hone in on it.

Its definitely not something that will come quickly but I do feel like my mind is more peaceful now so I can have more clarity in my thoughts. I still find it interesting I feel this way despite me knowing for certain things what I want, but maybe its cuz my present feels uncertain even if the future end goal I am mostly clear on.

 

[G.N]

Okay, I think you should dig a little deeper than just I tend to be negative. Like what kind of thoughts are we talking about. Is it “it sucks that it’s raining” or “my life sucks” because those are very different. “This movie is boring” or “I hate my job” Etc. Are these trivial thoughts or reflective of other problems? Are you holding negative beliefs that these thoughts are originating from?

The inner work and outer work are usually related, I wouldn’t think of them as separate. Living a great life is going to make you more positive and being more positive is going to improve your life. You need to work on it from both angles. If your life has glaring deficiencies, at least attempting to fix those is going to have to play a role in improving your attitude. Reading through your log I can see you have a lot of career issues right now. That’s normal for someone who just graduated. Sorting all this stuff out is going to be a part of the “inner work” too. It’s very hard to be happy when you don’t have employment and don’t have control over your life. I would take these problems as head on as you can. Try asking for the board’s advice about it, maybe somebody would have some insight.

Introspection and rational thought have their place as well, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by your problems and it starts to (wrongly) feel hopeless and you have to talk yourself out of that. But it does sound like you have some tangible problems to tackle.

I think my negative thoughts boil down to worries about my life. Some examples:

-Now that I graduated I worry if I will be able to make a solid social circle and have close friendships on the level of those I had in my high school and college years. Me and everyone else are just gonna get busier from here on out so will it really be possible to connect with others?

-If I will actually be able to get the physique I want and lose that stubborn belly-fat I have or will my genetics fuck me over.

-Will I be able to ever have normal sex? This mainly comes from my past sexual experiences when I couldn't fully get it up and just struggle to put on condoms.

I will 100% open to career advice and job stuff. I want to use tutoring for side cash but I haven't been very successful as of late so I just left it on my backburner. I am gonna start shadowing in June so I can use the connection for a job as well as apply to a bunch of places online to see if they hire me. The only missing piece I have in my Master's apps is patient care experience and or actually working in a healthcare setting.

I do introspect a lot, thats mainly what journaling is for as well. It kinda forces me to introspect and I have learned some things about myself and other people as a result. I compiled a list of stuff I want to work on over the summer that Ill post here in a bit