Goals for 2023 - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

[NightRoller]

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Replies:

Since October 10th, those have been your calories...
Surely, a 俺 can do better.
[...]
がんばって。

Yes. I can do better. I will do better. Something has to give here, and it's not going to be me giving up my goal yet. I will build the environment and systems and habits to make my goal a reality. And above, you see some of the results. And it will get better from here on.

https://paleoleap.com/n-acetylcysteine-a-supplement-for-food-cravings/
You might look at N-acetylcysteine for reducing your desire to eat. I was doing some research on this recently for some sinus issues I've been having due to Long COVID, and a lot of people on reddit are reporting success mitigating their various addictions with it.

• I'll consider that. I will add it to my arsenal for later-resort measures. After reading the article, I think it likely that stress and lack of sleep are what's hampering me in this regard, and that the cravings can be circumvented towards mock-up low calorie versions of foods instead (as per NotYourAverageNerd 's article post on losing weight, I'm watching a lot of Greg Douchette, Will Tennyson, Remington James, and others to find recipes I can make that fill up without including the ridiculous calories).
• The largest difficulty besides that seems to be any situation where food is available and I have the option to eat or not eat. I want to retrain my brain, make it an option to eat {the high-calorie thing} or eat {my version of a snack instead}, (or drink water or go for a walk or whatever) instead.

I'm still improving, but I feel like I can give you some really solid advice on how to adjust to eating a lower caloric intake.
[...]
I can see that you seem to be averaging quite a few hundred calories over your daily intake goal.
[...]
Every time I would try and lower my intake to maintenance level, I'd always fuck up and eat way over.

SWEET! I'd been poking around the forums for something like this that understood this line of struggles, but hadn't found anything yet. I'm already grateful that you understand some of the difficulties this is coming from... I see many people able to just do a diet and endure the pain, and the pain isn't the difficult part for me (or you either, perhaps); it's as you said, the binging and overeating. You're doing amazing at this already, and I'm inspired by the progress you've made there already.

Baby steps.
I know your current daily goal is 1,650 calories - but you just aren't ready for it.
Challenge yourself to eat no more than 2,200 calories per day for 7 days and see how you go.

You're probably thinking "NAH MAN, FUCK THAT, I NEED TO HARDEN THE FUCK UP AND EAT ONLY 1,650 CALORIES".

Bro, your habits are 2,200+ calorie habits. You probably have so many little habits causing you to eat this many calories that even if you do great one day, there's still 5 more bad habits creeping up the following day. It's a vicious cycle.This explains your pattern of going over for the entire week. Trust me. I do the same thing, I get it.

If you think "Pfft, this advice is stupid. 2,200 calories per day as a goal is too easy".

Fine. THEN SHOW US.

I'm not ready for it yet, that much is apparent. But I set myself to stick out aiming for this goal until next Saturday, then reevaluate.
And you're right about the weekly evaluation thing. I've mostly just been covering the daily items in this log, but not paying attention to the weekly trends.
I will show you it's possible. I don't know if I can do it. I think I can do it. I have the tools now to do it. But you're right again, I've been trying to go hard and bring it down to 1650 because I felt like I needed a bigger deficit to make quicker progress towards losing fat.
My worry with bringing it up to 2,200 is that my maintenance is about 2,000 or so, give or take a hundred. I'm naturally under-weight for my height, so I don't take much to be in a net gain. So eating 2,200 per day would put me at an overall increase unless I do more solid cardio (which I am considering). It's hard for me to justify to myself that I should raise my goal to a net increase... but you're probably right: having a 2200 Cal goal doesn't mean I need to eat up to that goal every day but just means I can stress less about whether I reach it in a given day or not.

The idea is that you REVIEW AFTER EVERY SINGLE WEEK. And you be HONEST WITH YOURSELF about HOW HARD IT WAS TO EAT THAT DAILY INTAKE.

If it was EASY, you lower the next weeks goals by 100 calories per day. If it was TOO CHALLENGING, you keep the goal the same for the following week.

You just rinse and repeat this process and eventually, you'll be able to eat 1,650 calories per day for 30 days in a row with much more ease.

Okay. If I fail to stay under 1650 for >2 days by next week Saturday, I will switch over to this method and start at 2200. I commit to that.

*** I just want to mention that, whilst you might be able to eat 1,650 calories for 4 days in a row, it doesn't mean you have ADDRESSED AND CHANGED THE BAD HABITS.

Where as if you can do it for 14 days in a row, it means you can comfortably move onto the next phase of reducing your calories BECAUSE YOU HAVE FORMED BETTER HABITS.

Based on my extensive use of Mark Queppet's materials and methods to quit porn/etc., my own experience and beliefs agree with this. It's not a matter of doing the right thing for a short period, so much as doing it consistently for a long, long time. I'd raise the standard to 30 or 60 days in a row to consider it a solidly changed habit. It's doing the right steps every. single. day. Though one can get to 30 or 60 days by just "white knuckling" and "trying really hard", it'll eventually crash if the habits weren't formed well. But the odds are that if one can get to 30/60 days of successfully practicing a habit, then it's probable that at least some amount of habit change, mindset shift, and etc. has accumulated to support that streak of success.

Hope this helps.

This is extremely helpful. You're an awesome guy, typing out that detailed explanation and sharing your experience and knowledge to this degree. You're on an inspirational path. Keep it up, and I hope to follow in your footsteps! Let's "crush our goals"!

Agree'd with @ImChuckBass, your deficit is too big. I know you dont wanna hear this advice b/c u wanna lose weight as fast as possible, but a large deficit only works if you can stick to it. There's also absolutely no rush to lose weight. I made the same mistake before, ignored everyone's advice who told me to slow down, and got stuck. It wasn't until I changed my deficit to something more sustainable that I started losing weight again.

One more thing, why are you trying to lose weight? I don't know how tall you are but you look hella skinny in your pictures, and I'm not sure if losing a couple more lbs is gonna do much for you. You might wanna consider shifting gears and going on a bulk instead.

We will see if I can continue to stick to my goal, if I hit 3 total days in the next week before next Saturday that I go over I will change the goal to be more reasonable, as you and @ImChuckBass suggested. You hit the nail on the head for my reason behind not wanting to reduce the deficit goal... though my rush is to reach ab-level (as mentioned in my signature) by 2023.

As for the why: It's less "weight" loss and more "fat" loss, because I do have a significant rounded belly most of the time and rarely get to see my abs except when I laugh. I know they're developed, I hit them at the gym about every other time I go (used to be 1.5 times per week). Why I choose to lose fat rather than focus on muscle growth is because I tried gaining muscle last year all spring, then much of this summer, and noticed that I haven't been getting enough sleep to allow my body to make the needed repairs to get stronger. So right now, the only option available is to get leaner and lose fat.
In the future, I want to add muscle, but being a math major means sleep is rarely plentiful (just look at the pictures of any university's math department and >60-90% of them will have big dark eye-bags). Of course, sleep helps for losing weight as well, but isn't as necessary as it is for gaining muscle. I'm tired of spinning my wheels and trying to gain muscle/strength to no avail (was using the Stronglifts 5x5 program during the spring/summer, got everything to the point of failure, and just kept stuck at the same failure over and over).
So I appreciate the advice and you're a super dude with the helpful attitude you gave it with, but for this point in my life it's not realistic to implement yet.
Edit: Another significant part of "why" I want to lose fat is that I've heard how cool it looks to have visible abs. I won't reach movie-model ripped levels, but I would like to approach that direction asymptotically as much as possible. Andy did it, several others I take inspiration from have gotten there, I want to join the club and pat myself on the back for having done something difficult.

 

[NightRoller]

Dang I'm tired. I planned to go right to bed after work, but figured I could type this up quick... of course, I went into tired essay mode instead.
Stayed up to 7 am working math homework again yesterday, so I suppose 4:30 am tonight is an improvement. All the same it cuts into my remaining homework time and is far from my ideal sleep schedule. I'm so glad to be quitting this job soon.

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 23, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 1
Physical activity: Ran 30 minutes
Calories: 1398/1650
Weight: 144.0
Notes:
Stayed up late yet again on Sun, up to 4:00 am working on essays. Had to wake at 9 for classes, as usual. Exhaustedly tired. Honestly, if I didn't put in my two weeks notice to try and be a decent guy, I would quit the job right now so I could get more sleep; it'll probably do more for me hitting my fatloss and calorie goals than doing running and trying to set focusing blocks to get homework done before it becomes ridiculously, abhorrently late.

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 24, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran 20 mins
Calories: 2688/1650
Had been watching many youtube videos of Will Tennyson and his donut obsession days where he goes and tries donuts from many places. Monday, broke to the urge to go try and see what the donuts of my current town are like. My brain justified it with "curiosity". I bought a dozen, ate 6 to the point I felt overstuffed and hated the sight of donuts, and gave the rest away.
I wrote up an essay (see below) about how I hate that feeling that eating donuts gives me. The initial sweetness is really only appealing for the first bite, then the fried bread is just yucky. The anabolic concoctions I make in my dorm kitchen taste better than that and have far fewer calories and much more protein than this.
Weight: 144.3
Notes: Allowed Days Calories overeaten: 1/2 used (Self-reminder: I can't go over 3 times before Saturday or on my word, I'll raise my calorie limit goal)

The Essay On Why I Hate Donuts, a rant about how these fancy-decorated/flavored donuts were the lover that screwed me over and stole my wallet:

They're just a bunch of bread with bad texture and consistency, not at all as good as sandwich bread or tortillas, fried to double or triple the calories, with extra sugar sweetness that scrapes against your tongue and leaves your mouth feeling more violated than that one time in the bathroom stall at the local gay bar. Then, as if that wasn't enough, they smear all over your face with super-sugary cheap frosting that gets old after the first bite and just goes downhill from there. The toppings are terrible, the donuts don't even look or smell appetizing, and once you eat two of them it's hard to even look at them. I don't know how I ate 6 of them. It was a mistake. And topping it off, they're freaking expensive. You pay more than $2 for each, and it's far more expensive than chicken by the calories. Plus, even though it fills you up majorly for a short time, after a couple hours you're hungry again. I hate the feeling in my gut of being that full of such a fatty, sugary food. I feel myself getting fatter by the second. And it also feels terrible, because of the guilt of eating so much just to be as full as if I ate a 400-cal shake. (One of Greg Douchette's.) The feeling of even looking at food, the donuts themselves or anything else, just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't ever want to feel like this again. I think I want to eat some carrots later today if I ever recover from this. I'm not going to say "I won't eat another donut again." But I won't be eating at that donut shop again, nor will I be getting more than one or two in a single trip. Maybe 3 if I'm ambitious and saving 1-2 for another day. But never this much, never too much of a good thing to the point where I feel sick. I don't know how I even did my 20 minute run today, that was only about an hour after I finished the donut debacle.

Note to self: read this essay through the next time you consider making the trip to get donuts from anywhere.

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 25, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: None
Calories: 2394/1650
Today I followed my food plan for rationing my fridge food, written in advance. The food turned out to be higher calorie than I expected.
Weight: 148.1
Notes: Allowed Days Calories overeaten: 2/2 used by Tuesday; However, today (Wednesday) I took a detour and went to a cafeteria in my school and got 5 different sweets, each amounting to 300 calories or so, and it definitely put me over, so as per my word, I'll have the goal of 2,200 calories starting Thursday and aim to be under that for 7 consecutive days in a row. (Self-reminder: I couldn't go over 3 times before Saturday or on my word, I'd raise my calorie limit goal)

Also, I just remembered that on Monday, there was an experience I wouldn't have believed until I went through it that told me I'm not trying hardly at all on my dating life and honestly haven't.

I had a costume dance (costume optional) to go to on Monday, couldn't think of a costume, but then midday had the idea of going as a "doctor" or something by grabbing a lab coat from someone in the Chemistry department and surprising everyone (because my typical wear for anything in that club is ALL BLACK with white laces, plus accessories).

So I went to the Chem department and started walking into offices and asking people if they had a coat I could borrow or knew a fun chemist who might have one they were willing to lend. I went hard. I expected a lot of rejection. I often told people I realized it was a strange request, and got a lot of looks (even some surprise when I suggested talking to the two Chem profs I've had for the one class I'd had, because they're now the department heads or something and "why would you bother them with this silly request???????". Spoiler alert: I'd already asked them, they were in a meeting and I'd planned to circle back if all else failed).

I was scurrying all over the building, down the halls, looking for any where people might be in, asking around for connections.

And I realized, I was really going all-in on this. I wasn't taking no as defeat. I expected the no and kept moving to seek the yes.

And I thought to myself, "why haven't I tried this in cold approaching?". And, "What kind of results would I see if I applied this mindset into approaching instead of being so in my head and worried and half-assing it instead of going all-in?!"


I want to apply that sometime in the future. That experience of that energy was awesome. It was refreshing. I loved the feeling of the hunt, feeling like I knew rejection was going to come but I literally didn't care, I'd keep on looking. Approaching is a little slower, but it's not as slow as I make it out to be. I need to more quickly 'soft-next' people sometime, and do a challenge to get a makeout to get it at a bar or something some night or some week.

Now thinking, why not the week after I do my last work shift? I could go out almost every night, go hard, aim for a makeout, SHOW MYSELF IT'S POSSIBLE. Maybe aim for a pull. It's what my friend Jonny has done. I ought to take serious inspiration from him instead of staying on the sidelines, awestruck (and sometimes jealous) of his results and ability.

I'm putting it in my calendar. Starting November 6th, I will begin this challenge and go out to a bunch of bars and give it a go. It's gonna be awesome. I'm hyped right now. Let's Do It! (I hope I'm not so tired that this hype disappears by morning, but I can recall how cool it was to get that one yes and show up in my genuine chemistry coat at the dance and take some fun pictures like the one below).

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 26, 2022 (Wed)

• Approaches: 1+3-5
  Approached 1 girl while I was still on shift for the door at work, she was sitting at the bar with a couple family members and had looked my way a couple times. Got her number, she's even replied a couple times. Seems like a possible lead, but she's "very busy" so we'll go with cautious optimism.
  After my shift, I went out to the next-door bar and had a good vibe from watching my friend on Playing with Fire's speed dating and thinking about what they did well and could do better. Opened 3-5 girls, attempted to close on one of them, got some "I don't know you" flack from another (which tells me I needed more comfort, but I kept trying to do value because it felt like she was seeing herself as higher than or better than me, and I had a she vs me frame), and got no phone numbers.
• Physical activity: None
• Calories: 2761/1650
  Ate 5 sweets of 300 calories each at a campus cafe after a class, when I told myself I would just walk around. It didn't even taste very good for most of them. When buying, I told myself I'd spread them out over a couple days or something. I finished eating them by the time I got back to my dorm (within 30 minutes). I realize I need to have an alternative with me to keep myself from binging just "on a whim". I've now packed some protein bars that I love in my backpack to have an easy out if I need to "give in" to something. It will give myself a better option.
• Weight: 146.7

Notes:

I finally drafted a thing to send to Tinder's support to try and get my account unbanned, see it and give your feedback here:
https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1729

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 27, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: 5 min running with a backpack
Calories: 2131/2200
Moved my goal up, and trying to make the decisions to let myself have a buffer for eating low-calorie snacks at the end of the day if I so desire, like Smartpop popcorn.
Weight: 147
Notes:

Update October 28, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 1
Gave out a bunch of compliments while I was on a run, put me in a good vibe mood and I ended up opening a girl mid-run about her dress on instinct. She stopped, so I just kept going out of the habits I've implemented and talked to her, got her number, set up a date for Monday. I guess when I've practiced these skills enough to take advantage of the opportunities, it can "just happen" sometimes with little effort on my part.
Physical activity: 30 min running
Calories: 2183/2200
Ate a bunch of donuts again today. I guess I'm on a conquest of trying all the donut shops here in my town, but this is becoming expensive both for calories and my wallet. I did a better job at not getting too many though (kept to 6 instead of a dozen).
Stayed up really late (7 am) to get Math homework done again though. So it goes. I accepted it, planned myself some breaks, and managed to make it through and finish the assignment almost as good as I'd wanted to even though it was a particularly long one with difficult problems.
Weight: 144.5
Notes:


I told myself I'd wake up the next day and fix this "banned on Tinder" thing today, but I woke up too late and have put it off in favor of "keeping up" with life for now. I plan to take care of it tomorrow (Sunday), but for tonight (Saturday), I'll likely be up until 3 out at a Halloween party filled with mostly Koreans, some Japanese and other asians clubs, one of which I'm part of somehow. I'll bet there's a few cute girls there dressed in slutty-mode.
I'm going to a club to warm up a bit first after sitting on my arse for most of today, dancing a bit always makes talking easier.

I also realized I need to do more weekly or monthly check-ins, see my progress and evaluate, instead of neglecting it and just doing the daily thing. I'll deal with planning that tomorrow too.

 

[NightRoller]

Just finished writing a lay report on my blog, you can check it out here.

Been super busy this past week and doubly sleep deprived, so going to want to make a week-long update from last Saturday to this yesterday Friday on how I've been doing on my goals.

I'm thinking taking a longer-term, lower-stress, weekly approach towards hitting my goals will help me focus on what I should be prioritizing most of all, even over diet and such: approaching girls more and better.

 

[NightRoller]

Update October 29, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: (several)
Physical activity: None
Calories: 2535/2200
Weight: 147.3
Notes:
This was quite a story. Hold on tight, my writing turns run-on when I'm writing about experiences like this.
Went out to a 18+ Halloween party at a bar that a club I'm in was invited to. I tried dancing and getting my vibe up, but it was more like a rock concert and not great for dancing beyond (basically) jumping up and down, which didn't work unless you were around a bunch of people who were also jumping or willing to jump if others were. Lots of slutty/sexy costumes, reminding me of a post by RedPillDad about Halloween nightgame. I was out of my element. I was wearing my black leather jacket, ripped black jeans, a colorful band shirt, a few rings/bracelets/necklaces, and calling myself a "rockstar."
The fun part comes next.

Ended up running into a girl I distinctly recognized, dressed up super sexily. I didn't remember where I knew her, but she definitely recognized me as well, and when her fake id got rejected (but her friends' got accepted), she came back to me in the 18+ section and seemed to be confusing me for someone in her class a previous semester. I tried to convince her that wasn't it, but she wasn't accepting it, so I settled for saying, "well, maybe...". I think she may have been high or drunk already, because she wasn't acting very reasonable, but she was holding solid eye contact and didn't seem to mind as I eased closer and added touch embellishments to my words, leaning in close to hear what she was saying and to talk into her ear. I suggested we go dance a bit, she was all for it, I led her to the edge of the dance throng and we started moving. More and more it seemed like she wanted to grind on me, and I'd seen a couple other couples doing the same on the dance floor, so I gradually tested the waters until my hands were on her hips and we were having a good time (2nd time I've ever had a girl grind on me). She didn't have any plans for the night besides partying here. I was pretty sure this was a solid lay-to-be, as long as I didn't mess stuff up and remembered how to invite her back.

Then after a break and helping her find her 2 friends, we went back to dancing (I got a terrible, very blurry picture), but here's the part where the fantasy turned into a hellhole: Her friends weren't really that into the dancing, were kind of looking around and giving somewhat awkward vibes (and were both, in my eyes, less attractive than the one I was talking to). I tried to engage them with getting into the dancing, and tried to talk to them a bit as well, but between the loudness and their disinterest, there wasn't much chance, and I was too focused on having fun with this familiar girl who'd plopped into my lap and was doe-eyed for me. She was having fun, I was having fun, I thought it was all good.
And then, I got body-pushed from behind by a guy, a couple guys, who I didn't get a good look at right away (so I resisted, because you have to resist being trampled on the dance floor), but the momentum kept going and I was forced away from the girl and her friends--and then when I tried to slow down, get a read on the situation, talk to my aggressors, all I got was greater force to the point they were roughly carrying me and the enigmatic conversation "we need you to come with us". I was super confused at this sudden turn of events.

Basically got nothing but gruffness and aggression until I was on the other side of the fence, outside the party, and had been told "the night's over for you here". I tried to talk with one of the guys, did feel like I conveyed my confusion at being kicked out, up until then he had been telling me "you made someone uncomfortable and have to leave" and "you know (or you should know) what you were doing". I was really grasping for any inkling as for what I could have done to cross somebody (that girl sure wasn't going to be reporting me, as you'll see from the texts), and explained that as far as I could tell, I was talking with people, dancing, having a good time, didn't know anything I'd done that was wrong. Guy eventually softened--I think it helped to hear I worked door at one of the places in town and understood he was doing his job, didn't mean to make it harder on him, just wanted some clue to what I'd done wrong--and his rhetoric changed to "Sorry man, you're not kicked out forever but you can't come back tonight, I don't know the details but was told you made someone uncomfortable and we had to remove you, I don't know what you did and can't help you about that."

So that was that. I texted the girl to try and see if she'd follow or come out (spoiler alert: seems like dancing with her friends won out), and my best guess as to what happened was that 1. someone didn't like me dancing (I was pretty conspicuous in my jacket and older than many of the people there because I'm a senior, and I might have made eye contact or bumped into just the wrong someone multiple times), 2. some guy was jealous or some girl thought it disgusting when we were grinding in the low-light party environment, or 3. the girl's friends were jealous or protective (despite this girl's insistence they were "confused", as she was quite clearly confused to me, asking the same question multiple times over text.

I went to another bar, walked around, chatted with some people and opened some girls, generally had terrible results. At one point, demoralized, I looked up an article about the basics of nightgame from RedPillDad, my coach, because I realized I knew even less than I thought about how to actually open. Told myself I'd turn the night around, aiming to be the "last dick standing", but failed to do so, and it was generally an older crowd at the second bar I'd chosen.
But ended up talking to a couple guys as I was walking home about girls, then it turned out they knew what approaching is and had some ideas about what to do (one of the two claimed what was holding him back was his approach anxiety, I recommended he use Andy's Approach Anxiety program... and acknowledged it'd probably help me if I did it myself too), but neither was logging his approaches, neither had hired a coach before, neither was willing to take this area seriously in life (when asked, the more vocal of the two said $100 would be a bit out of his range for what he'd be willing to pay for a coach. I didn't say so out loud, but I thought in my mind that it was a bit unrealistically low if he wanted any quality coaching and really considered this part of his life worth having "taken care of", or worth putting effort into).
Meeting them and further realizing the widened net that game has on my campus in the average guy's awareness was quite eye-opening to me. I'm tempted to fall into a scarcity mindset and think, "oh great, more competition!!!" but realistically, the competition is always there, always has been and always will be, and I'd do better not to fret over it and instead focus on building myself up to be one of the cream of the crop. Besides, there's too many "beta" guys who just play video games and can't sexually satisfy their girls anyway, might as well teach more guys/help more guys learn how to give girls a better experience!

And after that hectic and overall sexually disappointing night, the girl texted me in the morning, realizing where we knew each other from (it makes sense to me, she quit a few weeks after I started so it'd been a while since we saw each other but I wouldn't be surprised that the familiarity of face was there enough for her to feel comfortable). Then it seems like she blocked me before I texted back, because all of my subsequent messages have not had the "delivered" status under them, which appears 99% of the time whenever I text anyone else one-on-one with my iPhone. Guess she didn't like the idea of getting with a former coworker or something. I'll have to ask her if I run into her at the bars sometime.

Anyway, here's the screenshots:
View attachment 3
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Update October 30, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Jump Roped 20 minutes
Calories: 5825/2200
Weight: 148
Notes:

Update October 31, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran 20 minutes
Calories: 4377/2200
Weight: 149.8
Notes:

• Had a date with a girl I'd approached on a run the previous Friday. She turned out to be a complete virgin freshman who balked at the mention of anything romantic or remotely sexual. Okay conversation, very platonic. Didn't know what she was looking for, but obviously (to me), sex wasn't it. I still suggested a second date (bad choice--came from neediness and not being selective for what I'm looking for) and she wasn't interested. I think I did help her realize a bit about how relationship stuff doesn't have to be just for the "party girls".
• Went to a swing dance unofficial event and ended up having the best sexual experience I've ever had in my life! You can read about it in detail here. But basically, an underdog nerdy semisexy-cute girl turned out to be a 7.5 in bed, really cute and visually attractive and with minimal belly pudge, which I would personally categorize as a 9.5 for me, almost a model woman as far as looks go. Pretty sure she's 18 or 19 because she's a freshman. Seems like it's unlikely to turn into a plate because she's talking with her ex (see picture), but given we're in the same club activity, there's hope (while simultaneously focusing on other leads). This was definitely a "yes girl" where by not fucking things up, I got an amazing sexual experience.
• This inspired me and reminded me I need to create my sexual/experiential bucket list. I want to make one both for the bedroom and for cold approaching things to work towards and accomplish. I've yet procrastinated this and only barely remembered, however.
• Was up very late this night (from the sexy sex) as well as many of the nights before and after; in the past 2 weeks as I'm typing this, I've not gone to bed before 2 am and have stayed up to 8 am in one instance.

View attachment 5

 

[NightRoller]

(Note: I realize in the above screenshots I'm not doing the most effective of texting, especially the night I got kicked out from a bar for the first time. I'm working to improve on that, so feedback or suggestions are appreciated! I was tempted to ask for help on here that night but at the time was too wrapped up in the moment and couldn't find a way to search for "how to get a girl away from her friends" that yielded relevant results, particularly when I wasn't physically nearby and could only text. Plus I doubted I would find anyone awake at that unholy hour able to give useful suggestions.)


Update November 1, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran 20 minutes, Hit gym for first time in a couple weeks--it felt good
Calories: 2326/2200
Weight: 148.3
Notes:
I realized that I've been stressing myself out too much to try and hit all my goals, when really I should focus mostly on the girl stuff and aim in other areas to do at minimum only enough to not backslide in other areas (like going to the gym, eating healthy, doing cardio, etc.).

Update November 2, 2022 (Wed)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ellliptical 20 minutes
Calories: 2286/2200
Weight: 147.6
Notes:

Update November 3, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ellliptical 20 minutes
Calories: 2073/2200
Weight: 146.5
Notes:

Update November 4, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran 20 minutes
Calories: 3408/2200
Weight: 145.7
Notes:
I'm planning on getting out and doing a challenge where I go out to the bars for at least an hour or two each night for a week, and see where it takes my abilities and comfortability as far as nightgame goes. The day I tentatively set for that was "today" (Sunday, but "tomorrow" in my mind because in this whacked-up sleep schedule, it's almost 6 am and I haven't gone to bed yet), so you'll have some juicy fail analyses and potential successes coming up. My overarching goal is to get better at nightgame approaching in a way that leads to a lay, and my week goal is to make a makeout happen while at a bar (shouldn't be too hard if I find a yes-girl, given I was able to take a yes-girl dancing and escalate it to grinding, but we'll see if I put myself out enough or convey my value enough to make it happen).

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 5, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: 0
Tried to get the numbers of a few coworkers on this last night of me working there. Didn't end up with anything to show for my efforts though, and chickened out/was too busy to talk to a few of them before they left.
Physical activity: No time to talk do any; rolled out of bed around 2 pm, then went to work at 3:30 pm
Calories: 2586/2200
Weight: 147.4
Notes:
Starting my log for a challenge of going out to bars to approach girls here: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1750

Keep on rocking it, dudes! Talked to some guys out at the bars tonight and realized, shit, I should be more patient. Most guys would kill to trade positions with me (or one of you), and hold regrets of not taking opportunities when they presented themselves. All we can do is tell them basically the same stuff we've been doing: aim for consistent effort, don't beat yourself down when you don't become immediately successful, don't trust what society at large says about dating, and keep putting yourself out there and crushing your goals.

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 6, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran 20 minutes
Calories: 3457/2200
Weight: 146.2
Notes:

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 7, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: technically 1
Physical activity: Swing danced for an hour or two
Calories: 5458/2200
Weight: 146.6
Notes:
Prioritizing hitting the gym regularly, trying to get better sleep (but not tonight--I still have to get my shower but wake up in 4.5 hours or so), going out to the bars regularly on this weeklong challenge, and getting enough cardio over worrying about diet, and it's showing in how much I'm (letting myself) eat.
Check out my long update for today of that going-to-bars-every-night challenge at the link below:
https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=45825#p45825

 

[NightRoller]

I'm going to build myself a basic structure to use for nightgame, because I'm tired of not having any idea about "where I'm at" or "what to say" to move things forward and build rapport with girls, and make magic happen for those girls with the mischievous sexy sparkle in their eyes.

+have you been outside of the country? +what kind of guys do you like? +what's the most interesting location you've had a kiss? +are you adventurous (if so, what's the most adventurous thing you've done?)?

• To open:
  • "Hey, how's it going?"
  • Or some environmental opener if I think of one in the moment
• Get to know them with non-boring, interesting questions, + logistics discovery:
  • Have you been outside of the country?
  • What's the occasion?/What brings you (guys) out here tonight?
  • How do you all know each other?
  • I love that [piece of her clothing], it *really* makes you look [teasing remark] (*wink*)
  • What plans do you (guys) have later?
• Build connection:
  • What kind of guys do you like?
  • What tattoos do you have? (What's the meaning behind that one?)
  • I like hanging out with adventurous and fun girls. Are you adventurous (if so, what's the most adventurous thing you've done?)?
  • What's the most interesting location you've had a kiss?
• Tease:
  • You sure that's something you should say to a guy you're flirting with? (wink)
• Isolate:
  • Hey, let's go over there
  • Hey, let's go get a drink
  • Hey, I'm going to take your friend for a moment, we'll be back
  • Do you want to kiss me?
• Bring home or get number:
  • Want to come hang out at my place?
  • Want to split some wine back at mine?
  • What kinks do you fantasize about trying?
  • What kind of orgasms do you like to have?

I don't know if this will work. I DO know these are all questions that I want to have right in my pocket and be able to identify good points to ask them. So practicing them specifically is not going to hurt me in the long run, even if it doesn't help while I'm using them like almost a script.

I'm going to write these out on a note card and give them a try. I see it regularly said in these forums, "don't ask if X works, try it yourself and see" (for things that aren't completely stupid, at least), and so rather than asking "will this work?" I'm going to try it out for the rest of this "going out to bars and practicing nightgame/being social" challenge I've set before myself.

If you have specific suggestions about moving a question/statement to another section, or rewording one of them, or removing one altogether, I'm happy to have the insight and feedback, but don't feel obligated. This is all a great experiment, and I expect to fail a lot


Update November 8, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 5 groups with girls I found approachably attractive
Physical activity: Hit the gym and used the stair stepper for 20 minutes
Calories: 3909/2200
Weight: 148.1
Notes: Made myself a structure to emphasize important questions I want to remember/be able to ask.

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 9, 2022 (Wed)
Approaches: 3 groups with girls I found approachably attractive
Physical activity: 30 minute late-evening run
Calories: 3749/2200
Weight: 148.8
Notes: Feeling behind on homework, going to have to take an all-nighter tonight which will probably f*ck over my vibe, my attention span, my gym gains/recovery, my ability to resist certain foods, my future homework processing ability, and so on. But still onward I march.

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 10, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 6 groups with girls I approached or talked to from a wing's approach via night game
Physical activity: 20 minute on treadmill + gym workout
Calories: 1671/2200
--> Got extra motivated to do regular exercise AND drink more protein shakes AND keep my calories low, because I pulled the trigger on getting a professional photoshoot soon
Weight: 150
Notes:

Update November 11, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: at least 7 groups with girls in night game
Physical activity: none, was too busy
Calories: 1650/2200
Weight: 148.2
Notes:
Finished my weeklong challenge of going out to the bars every day this week. No kisses to show for it, but I did get a couple numbers, make a couple friends, and build some useful experience (and realize how I have a lot of room to grow).

 

[Antonio44]

Isolate:
Hey, let's go over there
Hey, let's go get a drink
Hey, I'm going to take your friend for a moment, we'll be back
Do you want to kiss me?
Bring home or get number:
Want to come hang out at my place?
Want to split some wine back at mine?
What kinks do you fantasize about trying?
What kind of orgasms do you like to have?

Personally i think all of the sexual ones aren't great. With the right vibe and point in convo they're passable but come across a bit voyeur-ish if you just jump to them immediately as a new convo thread. Better to make assumptions and don't be too aggressive initially. The typical "safe" assumption is "you seem like you like your hair pulled". Tbf i very rarely talk about sex before having it.


On inviting back for wine etc - good idea. You could try asking "do you prefer red or white wine? Then "cool, I have a great chardonnay/cab sav in the fridge, let's go for a quick glass". Notice how its just assumed that she will come - if she doesn't want to come she will tell you but sometimes women are up for whatever with the right leading and confidence.

Also +1 on trying to record some of it so we can hear audio - I think you know this is a good idea too. Admire your dedication to getting out!

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 12, 2022 (Sat)
Challenging myself to finish this in 10 minutes so I can finally get to bed, plus I've been inefficient at this before and just wasted time.
Approaches: at 8-11 groups with girls in night game
Physical activity: Did some dancing (swing), hit the gym, and also some treadmill stuff
Calories: 2566/2200
--> Ate too much because there was food at the dance event, and I'd chosen to eat before I went--next time this kind of surprise happens to me, I will register what foods I'm considering eating and make sure it's below my calorie limits before consuming it. I'm really trying to stay under 1500 in any given day, but 2000 as a soft limit and 2200 as a hard limit. I even thought to myself about how eating 2 slices of pie probably wouldn't be good, whether they're "small slices" or not, but didn't check the calories beforehand and didn't abstain or give myself a lower-calorie alternative.
Weight: 147.4
Notes:
Feeling a bit of continued "lacking" kind of feeling because I keep telling myself subconsciously that I'm "not good enough" because the version of myself I epitomize as "enough" is "constantly banging hot chicks". I recognize that's unrealistic and a bad, scarce mindset to be in; I want to instead focus on saying "hey, am I doing the right habits to attract girls? Y/N, and if Yes then I am good already."
Alright, finished this in 9 minutes.

 

[NightRoller]

Update November 13, 2022 (Sun)
Challenging myself to finish this in 10 minutes again.
Approaches: 0
Physical activity: Ran ~25 min in sudden freezing weather
Calories: 2172/2200
This photoshoot is helping me prioritize my diet, and I'm seeing some significant weight loss (probably water weight for now, but if I can learn to keep this up more or less...)
Weight: 146.5
Notes:
That day Sunday, I woke up quite late and it felt like mostly a wasted day because I was stuck in my room for most of the time.

I need to learn how to set a certain time to let myself deal with dating apps, instead of going to it constantly like an addiction. I even end up staying up later by mindlessly browsing dating apps.

Also, I'm ashamed enough that it was hard for me to admit it to myself or on here, but I masturbated to porn despite having several dates laid out through the rest of the week (nearly all planned/set up today, Monday). It'd been some time since I did so, and the fact that I'm ashamed I did it signals to me that I feel like there's reasons I shouldn't have jerked off, and instead waited for my next sexual encounter.

13 minutes on the clock.

 

[NightRoller]

damn... I wrote up a thing logging the past two days...

and then wrote for half an hour about how I feel like I'm never going to make it with the girls I find actually decently attractive...

and wrote myself a note to write about sleep and start logging THAT***, because I'm literally suffering for no good reason right now and have not gotten much more than 5 hours of sleep most nights (last night 4, previous night <6, previous night about 4). And how I feel like I'm coming down with illness and that most of my life is suffering because all this homework and my efforts for goals and my already f'd up sleep schedule make it impossible to get everything done without burning the candle at both ends constantly, and I'm just tired of letting myself have such a crappy amount of sleep. So what I'm going to do is actually stop myself from continuing to work on homework/trying to get enough done for what I'd planned to do by today (which was a plan I made in hopes of NOT staying up until 4 am and getting 4 hours of sleep Thursday and Friday nights!), and instead wake up tomorrow around 2 pm, hopefully better rested, hopefully with a better mind. Rigth now, it's about 4:30 am, so it'll be about 5 am by the time I get to bed. I don't believe in catching up on sleep, but I do need a lot of rest, a lot more than I'm getting.

And after zipping off to class after I wake up, I'll evaluate the things going on in my life and what I need to prioritize and what I should temporarily put on hold and how to be accountable for my sleep on here because this is just messed up and I've been feeling more and more like shit the past few weeks. And I don't like feeling like that. And I think trying to lose weight or put on muscle at the gym or anything is kind of a moot point if I can't even regiment and plan enough to get enough sleep every night.


Gah. I'm really frustrated. This is all sorts of levels of messed up.


***Edit: and then my computer crashed and delete what I wrote, adding the straw that broke the camel's back