Rice said:
Your probably get this a lot but wow you are a handsome dude
Thanks man, I have been told this before by some people but I never felt it or internalised it I guess I just see my flaws of being really overweight and short.
All the photos are mildly adjusted to just enhance my look or just to try and make my face look slightly less fat.
I do know with fat loss I will look exactly like my photos or even better then I can take even better photos rather than mainly headshots and get even more matches.
But I do feel a lot of the time I have these goals and intentions and I can be my own worst enemy with moving forward. Feeling a little burnt out with low levels of willpower and motivation by the time the day ends has been a cycle that just repeats and repeats.
I am happy though I have been keeping some routine things in and built some new morning habits, I have made my bed every day, and started a new streak of guided meditations I have done 9 days in a row now (set the bar super low some days I have only done 3mins, but today I did 25min guided inner child healing meditation)
It just comes back to no being able to cope with everything without binge eating and watching porn at the moment, I am getting more productive with other stuff and I am unsure if that is taking away then from my ability to resist porn and food or if it is just a sucky party of developing new habits and moving through some stuff, building better habits, build a new base plate then from that place it will be easier to let go of and resist the porn and binge eating.
I am trying to shift the porn stuff from abstaining completely as the goal to just reducing the amount of time/times per day and shifting masturbation and orgasm to memory or clothed women on say Instagram or dating apps over full-on hardcore porn, but I know it does impact my dating life, I was meant to have a girl come over last night, but I ended up watching porn then felt exhausted, skipped gym and binge ate, cancelled on her and went to bed early.
Almost feel like I need a reset to gather energy back, yesterday was like a reset of doing nothing in the afternoon, I feel way better now but I am also mindful I might just be in the cycle of a super productive morning and feeling motivated then just drop off at lunch, I guess I can make a commitment to hit the gym earlier today if it means I will get it done and then if I have to just check out in the afternoon maybe I can try do a healthier habit or something other than watching porn and binge eating.
No matter what happens though I am committed to changing this, I do want fast and instant results I guess that is being human, but I have been at this for ages, and almost feels like the past week or two have gotten worse, my weight is well up, but it could also be part of my process and I need to focus on the wins with my routine being much better, I have never in my life made my bed and now I have done it for almost 2 weeks, I noticed if I make my bed daily then it just makes it super easy to make it in the morning so that's an easy one I do as soon as I get out of bed, meditation is a new one, daily morning routine I have not skipped either, and days where I felt like doing nothing and skipping the gym I at least at a minimum did some mobility stretches and tib raises for my knee rehab