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notAndy's AA Program Log - Day 46. Finished :)
- Thread starter notAndy
- Start date
roykingatx
Member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2022
I mean yea at this point there's no doubt I'm going to do the shit. But I still want to take it generally one day a time. Just to keep it fresh lol.
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
bonzo34 thank you. That one sentence of yours made all the difference.
Day 26 was getting to me way too much and I've been chickening out for the past four days ... it would've been really easy just disappearing, but here I am.
Day 26a
We are going to play a game.
It's called- WHO IS YOUR DADDY AND WHAT DOES HE DO?
READY?
[SHE CAN TALK]
WHO IS YOUR DADDY AN WHAT DOES HE DO?
Challenge: If they interupt you, yell at them- "I'M DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBALL" and restart the drill.
Repeat this 10 times, you will speak to 10 girls.
This day fucking sucked. At least those were my expectations before doing it.
I am not sure what exactly the problem is with this drill, but no other day was as difficult to even get started as this one. Even the ABC drill was easy compared to today.
I was walking around for 35-40 minutes without managing to do a single approach. As mentioned, I've been putting off doing this day for the last four days, which didn't help with the nerves. That only gave me more time to spend catastrophizing.
I also watched Brandon's vlog where he says that this was by far the worst day ... that was probably not a good idea.
Anyways, I do the drills usually during my lunch break and I said, I would not get back to work before doing at least one approach. I did, she was quite open and gave me an answer after asking only once. I had to get back to the office and couldn't do more reps, but I believe that one I did helped me break through all those thoughts I had (it wasn't as awkward as expected, no one interrupted me, no police showed up and arrested me (lol) etc.)
I hope I can finish the drill tomorrow.
LESSONS LEARNED
- DON'T LET YOURSELF LIVE IN YOUR HEAD
https://youtu.be/x5uPn_Fv5F8
Day 26 was getting to me way too much and I've been chickening out for the past four days ... it would've been really easy just disappearing, but here I am.
Day 26a
We are going to play a game.
It's called- WHO IS YOUR DADDY AND WHAT DOES HE DO?
READY?
[SHE CAN TALK]
WHO IS YOUR DADDY AN WHAT DOES HE DO?
Challenge: If they interupt you, yell at them- "I'M DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBALL" and restart the drill.
Repeat this 10 times, you will speak to 10 girls.
This day fucking sucked. At least those were my expectations before doing it.
I am not sure what exactly the problem is with this drill, but no other day was as difficult to even get started as this one. Even the ABC drill was easy compared to today.
I was walking around for 35-40 minutes without managing to do a single approach. As mentioned, I've been putting off doing this day for the last four days, which didn't help with the nerves. That only gave me more time to spend catastrophizing.
I also watched Brandon's vlog where he says that this was by far the worst day ... that was probably not a good idea.
Anyways, I do the drills usually during my lunch break and I said, I would not get back to work before doing at least one approach. I did, she was quite open and gave me an answer after asking only once. I had to get back to the office and couldn't do more reps, but I believe that one I did helped me break through all those thoughts I had (it wasn't as awkward as expected, no one interrupted me, no police showed up and arrested me (lol) etc.)
I hope I can finish the drill tomorrow.
LESSONS LEARNED
- DON'T LET YOURSELF LIVE IN YOUR HEAD
https://youtu.be/x5uPn_Fv5F8
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 26b
Went out, did a handful of approaches, got one rep out of it. I probably give off weird vibes, since I still don't feel fully comfortable with this drill. I'll try to tackle this with a more relaxed attitude tomorrow.
Getting started was much easier than yesterday, though.
https://youtube.com/shorts/q-Qe2EuRIPE
Went out, did a handful of approaches, got one rep out of it. I probably give off weird vibes, since I still don't feel fully comfortable with this drill. I'll try to tackle this with a more relaxed attitude tomorrow.
Getting started was much easier than yesterday, though.
https://youtube.com/shorts/q-Qe2EuRIPE
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 26c
Technically, I did two days since my last update but the last time I went out to do the drill, I ended up wandering around for 40 minutes without doing a single approach.
On that day I realized that a lot of the excuses from the very beginning of the program came back. "You can't talk to her because she's got earbuds in", "she's walking too fast, don't bother her", "she's too old", "she's too young" etc.
That realization actually worried me, because I thought I had lost all my progress. So, I asked someone for the time just to make sure I haven't regressed to my pre-AA program self (I haven't).
Today I did two or three approaches and got one rep out of it which puts me at 3/10.
During the past week, I reflected a lot about my progress, this drill in particular, and why I don't just skip it or quit altogether.
What is so much scarier about this drill than any other one? Especially when I haven't received any really reactions (a curt no or cold shoulder was the worst I've gotten so far). And those who humor me, actually seem to have fun and play along.
I don't like this drill, but I really appreciate how it makes me look inside and confront things I still don't fully grasp.
LESSONS LEARNED
https://youtu.be/6Zs1s0QDMwI
Technically, I did two days since my last update but the last time I went out to do the drill, I ended up wandering around for 40 minutes without doing a single approach.
On that day I realized that a lot of the excuses from the very beginning of the program came back. "You can't talk to her because she's got earbuds in", "she's walking too fast, don't bother her", "she's too old", "she's too young" etc.
That realization actually worried me, because I thought I had lost all my progress. So, I asked someone for the time just to make sure I haven't regressed to my pre-AA program self (I haven't).
Today I did two or three approaches and got one rep out of it which puts me at 3/10.
During the past week, I reflected a lot about my progress, this drill in particular, and why I don't just skip it or quit altogether.
What is so much scarier about this drill than any other one? Especially when I haven't received any really reactions (a curt no or cold shoulder was the worst I've gotten so far). And those who humor me, actually seem to have fun and play along.
I don't like this drill, but I really appreciate how it makes me look inside and confront things I still don't fully grasp.
LESSONS LEARNED
- Day 16 was the first drill I really struggled with; took me 4 days to finish. I had the urge to skip that day and either invent interactions - because I didn't want to come here empty handed - or to call it quits. I did neither and am incredibly glad for that. Me persevering back then really is paying dividends now. Despite being at this one drill for over a week now, I feel quite optimistic about it.
- Funnily, I seem to be really outcome independent for this day. The roadblocks are not really related to the reactions I get.
- When I want to achieve a goal, I must consider its price just as much as the goal itself. Being able to hit on women is cool and all that, but that is not what is carrying me through this. When things get difficult, hitting on women just doesn't seem as enticing anymore. Unlike quitting and crawling back into my comfortable and predictable, mediocre life.
No, the reason why I am still subjecting myself to this is because it is difficult. In a weird way, overcoming the struggle itself seems like a reward on its own. - I think I've realized this before but just noticed again: Keeping a record (or multiple) really helps you put your momentary state in a bigger picture and can highlight how far you've come. Also, I'm basically using the sunk-cost effect to lessen the importance my current feelings.
https://youtu.be/6Zs1s0QDMwI
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 26d
Did a few approaches. All but one said "no" or just walked away.
The one that did play along however had a huge smile on her face. She was asking what this was for and why I'm doing it but I kept persisting and she gave me an answer.
She started laughing, I said thank you and left.
That interaction made me think of something Chris said somewhere in the program: You are probably the most interesting thing that happens to them all week.
https://youtu.be/8FtolPAd_88
Did a few approaches. All but one said "no" or just walked away.
The one that did play along however had a huge smile on her face. She was asking what this was for and why I'm doing it but I kept persisting and she gave me an answer.
She started laughing, I said thank you and left.
That interaction made me think of something Chris said somewhere in the program: You are probably the most interesting thing that happens to them all week.
https://youtu.be/8FtolPAd_88
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
bonzo34 said:
I wouldn't say laughable but everyday interactions become way easier. Yesterday, I was walking through the city and there were a bunch of people in rollerblades waiting around for something. I was curious and, without thinking, just started to talk to the first perosn in rollerblades I saw to find out what this was about.
Before starting the AA Program I would have probably ignored it OR maybe would have looked it up when getting home. Talking to a stranger was just not something I did. Now I do it without giving it a second thought.
I've noticed on several occasions over the past few weeks that I've become less inhibted in social situations (and I was not an extreme case in terms of social anxiety or so before).
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 26e
Talked to the very first girl I saw today. There was not much hesitation and I just had to do it. She didn't look like she was willing to play but promptly gave me an answer which surprised me quite a bit.
I did a few more approaches and got one more out of it which puts me at 6/10. I really hope I'll manage to finish the drill tomorrow.
LESSONS LEARNED
- I can't always predict someone's response by their facial expressions.
https://youtu.be/685dwsCvk_U
Talked to the very first girl I saw today. There was not much hesitation and I just had to do it. She didn't look like she was willing to play but promptly gave me an answer which surprised me quite a bit.
I did a few more approaches and got one more out of it which puts me at 6/10. I really hope I'll manage to finish the drill tomorrow.
LESSONS LEARNED
- I can't always predict someone's response by their facial expressions.
https://youtu.be/685dwsCvk_U
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 26f
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH THIS DRILL!
Never again will I have to say: "Who's your daddy and what does he do?"
I really didn't want to prolong this drill any more and just stayed out until I got my four answers.
Well, one girl said she didn't know her dad and therefore couldn't tell me his name or occupation, but I'll count that one.
Two girls said, they didn't have time but for some reason still stood still and listened to me. I had to ask them both one more time and they gave me an answer.
Not gonna lie, this drill burned me out a bit, but I am really glad I finished it. I hope the next few days will be easier.
LESSONS LEARNED
- Being a bit persistent does is not necessarily a bit thing and this drill definitely helped me understand that. Especially those last two girls that didn't walk away despite saying they didn't have time, showed that.
https://youtu.be/c23Zz7Ti-b0
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH THIS DRILL!
Never again will I have to say: "Who's your daddy and what does he do?"
I really didn't want to prolong this drill any more and just stayed out until I got my four answers.
Well, one girl said she didn't know her dad and therefore couldn't tell me his name or occupation, but I'll count that one.
Two girls said, they didn't have time but for some reason still stood still and listened to me. I had to ask them both one more time and they gave me an answer.
Not gonna lie, this drill burned me out a bit, but I am really glad I finished it. I hope the next few days will be easier.
LESSONS LEARNED
- Being a bit persistent does is not necessarily a bit thing and this drill definitely helped me understand that. Especially those last two girls that didn't walk away despite saying they didn't have time, showed that.
https://youtu.be/c23Zz7Ti-b0
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 27
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, (Start Flexing your muscles in all directions for 5 seconds), Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey /Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, (Start Flexing your muscles in all directions for 10 seconds), Leave
Challenge: Approach an additional 5th girl and flex your muscles for 30 seconds
Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 16 girls.
This was the day I was scared about doing even before I started the AA Program. Ever since I've watched the interview with Manganiello, this one drill stuck with me.
I thought, I could never ever go up to a stranger and just ask such a nonsensical thing like "where's the beach" (where I live, there is none). Let alone flex my arm.
Well … turns out I can. Not only that, I had a blast doing it!
This was actually a lot of fun. Most girls had a good time and played along. I'm pretty sure I was the most interesting thing that happened all day long to them.
The last approach was particularly memorable. I went up a group of five or six girls (largest group I've ever stopped) and did the drill and they all were all giggly and excited and quite chatty.
If you reach day 21, you are supposedly going to finish the program. During the past few days I wasn't so sure about that.
Now however, I am confident that I will see this through to the end.
LESSONS LEARNED
- "I could never …" is a phrase that is starting to sound childish.
https://youtu.be/Lp34qgsRr_g
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey/Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, (Start Flexing your muscles in all directions for 5 seconds), Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey /Bro - I have a question... Where's the beach?, (Start Flexing your muscles in all directions for 10 seconds), Leave
Challenge: Approach an additional 5th girl and flex your muscles for 30 seconds
Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 16 girls.
This was the day I was scared about doing even before I started the AA Program. Ever since I've watched the interview with Manganiello, this one drill stuck with me.
I thought, I could never ever go up to a stranger and just ask such a nonsensical thing like "where's the beach" (where I live, there is none). Let alone flex my arm.
Well … turns out I can. Not only that, I had a blast doing it!
This was actually a lot of fun. Most girls had a good time and played along. I'm pretty sure I was the most interesting thing that happened all day long to them.
The last approach was particularly memorable. I went up a group of five or six girls (largest group I've ever stopped) and did the drill and they all were all giggly and excited and quite chatty.
If you reach day 21, you are supposedly going to finish the program. During the past few days I wasn't so sure about that.
Now however, I am confident that I will see this through to the end.
LESSONS LEARNED
- "I could never …" is a phrase that is starting to sound childish.
https://youtu.be/Lp34qgsRr_g
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 28a/b
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Leave.
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, How cool are nerd glasses?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, How cool are nerd glasses?, Pretty fuckin cool huh?, Leave
Challenge: Approach an additional 5th girl and ask "would you fuck me if I had nerd glasses?"
Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 16 girls.
Log for yesterday and today.
Yesterday I did three reps before I realized that I am not doing the shoulder tap. After that I really got into my head and couldn't do any more (I also had a time constraint, so couldn't be out all day long).
Today, I walked around for 40 minutes or so before I did the first approach.
I did the whole stack of lines but halfway through she interrupted me and said she doesn't understand me, so I switched to English just to haver her tell me that she prefers High-German.
That threw me off a bit and I don't know if I got through all the lines.
However, I did the challenge. I was actually really excited to do it. Way easier than tapping someone on the shoulder.
She just said "what the fuck" and stared at me. I just started laughing, said "that wasn't a 'no'" and left.
That was actually fun! Who would have thought that?
Did one more rep, just the tap and "I have a question" before leaving (that still feels weird).
LESSONS LEARNED
- Approach Anxiety has Many Forms. I now intuitively (not just logically) understand what that phrase means.
- Funny how the challenge is easier than the first part of the drill.
https://youtu.be/NRHbZw68RYA
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Leave.
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, How cool are nerd glasses?, Leave
Tap on shoulder, Hey - I have a question, Do you know where I can get nerd glasses?, How cool are nerd glasses?, Pretty fuckin cool huh?, Leave
Challenge: Approach an additional 5th girl and ask "would you fuck me if I had nerd glasses?"
Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 16 girls.
Log for yesterday and today.
Yesterday I did three reps before I realized that I am not doing the shoulder tap. After that I really got into my head and couldn't do any more (I also had a time constraint, so couldn't be out all day long).
Today, I walked around for 40 minutes or so before I did the first approach.
I did the whole stack of lines but halfway through she interrupted me and said she doesn't understand me, so I switched to English just to haver her tell me that she prefers High-German.
That threw me off a bit and I don't know if I got through all the lines.
However, I did the challenge. I was actually really excited to do it. Way easier than tapping someone on the shoulder.
She just said "what the fuck" and stared at me. I just started laughing, said "that wasn't a 'no'" and left.
That was actually fun! Who would have thought that?
Did one more rep, just the tap and "I have a question" before leaving (that still feels weird).
LESSONS LEARNED
- Approach Anxiety has Many Forms. I now intuitively (not just logically) understand what that phrase means.
- Funny how the challenge is easier than the first part of the drill.
https://youtu.be/NRHbZw68RYA
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 28c/d
On Sunday I really struggled to do any other approaches. Tapping someone on the shoulder was way more difficult than it should have been.
Therefore, I decided to tackle just that part of the drill.
Instead of doing the drill itself, yesterday I went out and did 13 taps on the shoulder and asking for the time.
It really helped with my apprehensions and today I redid the whole drill and finished it in a reasonable timeframe.
Did the challenge four times in total and, to my surprise, didn't get a single no (doesn't mean I got a yes).
One girl just started laughing when I asked her and the second one grimaced in shock. The third time I did it was with a pair. One of them just said "what question is that" while the other one told me I was gross.
I did not care about any of the reactions. I mean, they were all perfectly valid and I didn't expect a yes, but I was just amazed, and in a way humbled, by how ballsy I could be. How confident I've become in less than two months. I feel like I've literally unlocked some sort of super power. If I can ask a girl if she'd fuck me, asking her on a date will be child's play, no?
LESSONS LEARNED
- Someone's grown a pair
- Isolation reps work wonders
https://youtu.be/RpHTeypIsyY
On Sunday I really struggled to do any other approaches. Tapping someone on the shoulder was way more difficult than it should have been.
Therefore, I decided to tackle just that part of the drill.
Instead of doing the drill itself, yesterday I went out and did 13 taps on the shoulder and asking for the time.
It really helped with my apprehensions and today I redid the whole drill and finished it in a reasonable timeframe.
Did the challenge four times in total and, to my surprise, didn't get a single no (doesn't mean I got a yes).
One girl just started laughing when I asked her and the second one grimaced in shock. The third time I did it was with a pair. One of them just said "what question is that" while the other one told me I was gross.
I did not care about any of the reactions. I mean, they were all perfectly valid and I didn't expect a yes, but I was just amazed, and in a way humbled, by how ballsy I could be. How confident I've become in less than two months. I feel like I've literally unlocked some sort of super power. If I can ask a girl if she'd fuck me, asking her on a date will be child's play, no?
LESSONS LEARNED
- Someone's grown a pair
- Isolation reps work wonders
https://youtu.be/RpHTeypIsyY
Aspire2Greatness
Member
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2021
Read up on your most recent posts and watched all the vlogs. Love how you're progressing, looking forward to seeing more!
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Hard2Focus said:
Thank you so much! We all do this for ourselves first and foremost but, it feels good when other people acknowledge your struggles and successes.
I see that you just got started with the AA Program yourself. Good luck with that. Btw. I can't recommend doing a vlog enough. I'm not sure I would have gotten through some of the harder days with just a written journal.
Day 29a
Super!
Super High-Five!
[Get Double High-Five]
Super!
Repeat this 10 times, you will do this on 10 girls.
This drill is pretty easy. Haven't hit any major mental roadblocks so far.
I did have that little voice in the back of my mind, telling me not to do the drill. That voice is always there, but once I'm actually doing the exercise goes silent.
Couldn't finish the drill due to time constraints but will finish tomorrow.
LESSONS LEARNED
- That voice in my head that tries to keep me from doing things, will (probably) never go away. And it doesn't have to. All I need is to learn not to listen to it.
https://youtu.be/BSUSN1PvDVg
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
Day 29b
Today kinda sucked. I only managed to get one rep out of ten or so approaches and I am not sure why today was so different than yesterday.
The first approach I did was with a guy and a girl. When I told them to give me a high five, the guy cut me off with a curt "no" and I just left. Didn't even say anything. After that I felt kinda off.
I only got one double high five, the rest of the people I stopped either didn't want to give me one or gave me just a half-assed high five (and I didn't insist on getting a proper one).
After about ten approaches I chose to give up for today.
What annoys me the most is that I don't really know what the problem was and how I can address it in the future.
Maybe I gave off weird vibes after that first interaction, maybe my deodorant stopped working, maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe there's something else I haven't even thought about.
https://youtu.be/bqrSqqT0pj8
Today kinda sucked. I only managed to get one rep out of ten or so approaches and I am not sure why today was so different than yesterday.
The first approach I did was with a guy and a girl. When I told them to give me a high five, the guy cut me off with a curt "no" and I just left. Didn't even say anything. After that I felt kinda off.
I only got one double high five, the rest of the people I stopped either didn't want to give me one or gave me just a half-assed high five (and I didn't insist on getting a proper one).
After about ten approaches I chose to give up for today.
What annoys me the most is that I don't really know what the problem was and how I can address it in the future.
Maybe I gave off weird vibes after that first interaction, maybe my deodorant stopped working, maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe there's something else I haven't even thought about.
https://youtu.be/bqrSqqT0pj8
notAndy
Member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2022
bonzo34 said:
Hey bonzo, thank you.
Yes I have only two more days (excluding the super high fives) in this week.
If anything I would do 7 weeks, week 8 was removed I believe. I don't yet, whether I'll go the full length or conclude after day 46. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.