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notAndy's AA Program Log - Day 46. Finished :)

Day 29c

Started out slow but at some point picked up some speed and finished the drill.

It went definitely better than yesterday but the first few nos I got sent me right into my head looking for what I did wrong.
I had quite a bit of AA and it took me about an hour to finish the drill but once I got the first high five I things went much smoother and quicker.

Also I noticed that many people ask "why?" when I tell them to high five me. A simple "why not" is usually enough for them to give me one. No explanation needed.

LESSONS LEARNED
- A bit of persistence often pays off

https://youtu.be/FkG7agVHpCY
 
Day 30

Walk past 10 girls, squeeze their arm lightly, but enough so they notice it.
After you squeeze their arm, say "nice." and continue walking.
After you do the drill on the first 10 girls, do it on 10 more girls but say "cute." instead of "nice."

Major Challenge: Squeeze every girl in the place on the arm.

Repeat this 2 times, you will do this on 20 girls total.

This was probably the first drill where I feel it was completely pointless. Pretty much every other day, even when they were easy, had something that made me think "that's new for me" or "that got me a little closer to being a different man". Not this one.
The only positive thing I can find is the fact that it reassured me that my success of day 21 wasn't a fluke. I finished the drill in 20 minutes and left afterwards. The music was pretty shit so I didn't want to stick around.

I even squeezed some guys arms just for good measure. Otherwise nothing interesting or noteworthy happened.

LESSONS LEARNED
- I found it: The first drill I wouldn't hesitate to drop from the program.

https://youtu.be/tHF9cKBRBt0
 
Day 31

Reflect today.

This is log entry is a few days late, but better late than never.

I actually managed to ramble for almost 30 minutes in my vlog.
I'm not gonna summarize the whole thing but a few points I think are worth mentioning:

  • Logs were an essential part of my journey so far. A written (physical) log has allowed me to easily read up on my experiences and see how far I've come on days when I felt I was treading water. The vlogs kept me honest and gave me that extra bit of grit I needed when everything inside of me wanted to quit. Having to speak into a camera (maybe seeing your face) makes it more difficult to believe your own excuses.
  • Change is not something I do, it is something that happens to me. All I have to do is give the right impulse. My body and mind will change as is necessary.
  • None of the bad reactions I've received, affect me anymore, while the really good ones still put a smile on my face.
  • Memorable drills:
    - "Where's the beach," because it was the one drill I was scared of before I even started the program. I crushed it and had a blast doing so.
    - "Who's your daddy," because I struggled with that one for almost two weeks but still saw it through.
    - "Nerd glasses", because I unlocked a super power that day.
  • I look forward to days where I'll struggle because I've come to realize that those days are opportunities for the most growth.
  • AA will probably never go away. All I need to know is how to act in spite of it.


https://youtu.be/Y2olCbJYB6c
 
Day 32a

Time, Leave.
Time, Directions, Leave.
Time, Directions, Non-Sexual Compliment (I like your shoes/shirt), Leave.

Challenge 4th Girl: Time, Non-Sexual Compliment, Directions, Non-Sexual Compliment (I like your shoes/shirt), Leave.

Repeat this 6 times, you will speak to 18 girls.

Not too much noteworthy happened. Only did 5 approaches because of low foot traffic due to a public holiday (shops are closed) and I didn't want to walk around for hours just to finish the drill.

The actual approaches were pretty easy. Not a lot of hesitation, nervousness or anxiety. With one exception I felt the compliments I gave weren't that impactful. Probably because they were not as genuine as the fifth one.

I want to see if I can imbue my words with more emotion tomorrow and if that makes a difference.


https://youtu.be/cE0o1dPPt9Y
 
bonzo34 said:
@notAndy do you just mean them being able to hear you? (for more impact)
Click to expand...

No, by not impactful I meant not having an effect on the other person. I might as well have commented on the weather.


Day 32b

Finished the drill today. Again, I gave a compliment in every single rep, not just the third/fourth ones.

The first girl I stopped could not talk or didn't understand my language. When I motioned to her to give me the time by tapping on my wrist, she smiled and let me look at her watch. I then proceeded to pull on my shirt, pointed at her and gave her thumbs up. No idea if she understood what I meant but that was a cool experience.

Other than that nothing noteworthy happened. Some of the compliments I gave were really genuine and I feel they had more of an effect on people than yesterday. Others were pretty generic and the reactions I got matched that.

LESSONS LEARNED
- I also realized that thinking about giving a hot girl a compliment makes me feel needy. Actually giving one, though, doesn't. I think it has something to do with me not wanting to be perceived as if I was hitting on them. I've got a hunch that once the drills become more direct, I'll struggle more. Looking forward to that.

https://youtu.be/mqmMYHerdvQ
 
Watching your journey is convincing me that I need to do the AA program, which is absolutely terrifying to me, but seeing the benefits as you go through it is truly inspiring.
 
jeff550 said:
Watching your journey is convincing me that I need to do the AA program, which is absolutely terrifying to me, but seeing the benefits as you go through it is truly inspiring.
Click to expand...

I would say, if you can make it a priority for the next three months and you actually want to face whatever demons of yours this will summon, go for it.
At this point I am not sure that a lot of the drills really help you to hit on women, though. If that is all you want, you could probably find an easier/shorter way to learn that.


Day 33

Directions, Leave.
Directions, Hopefully I can get there I just fell down a few minutes ago, Leave
Directions, Hopefully I can get there I just fell down a few minutes ago, Non-Sexual Compliment, Leave
Directions, Hopefully I can get there I just fell down a few minutes ago, Non-Sexual Compliment, I need to be a little more careful, Leave

Challenge (5th rep): ... I hope you don't fall down and break your neck, Leave.

Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 20 girls.

Like yesterday, I did the whole stack on each girl instead of working myself up.
The drill wasn't more difficult than yesterday's. The only difference today was that saying I fell down felt kinda weird. Giving the compliment afterwards didn't feel different.

I did recognized a new form of AA. When walking past a girl I had the thought I could go back to her and conclude the drill. There was this voice in my head that said that I couldn't do that because of reasons. Thankfully I understood what was happening, said "fuck it" and went back to her to finish the drill.

LESSONS LEARNED
- Found a new form of AA.

https://youtu.be/jHe62C3pm6k
 
Day 34a

Ring... ring... ring... Banana Phone!, Hey there, do you hear a phone ringing?, Leave
Ring... ring... ring... Banana Phone!, Hey there, do you hear a phone ringing?, Non-Sexual Compliment, Leave
Ring... ring... ring... Banana Phone!, Hey there, do you hear a phone ringing?, Non-Sexual Compliment, I think it's your banana phone, Leave
Ring... ring... ring... Banana Phone!, Hey there, do you hear a phone ringing?, Non-Sexual Compliment, I think it's your banana phone, Hey- I think your banana phone is ringing, Leave

Repeat this 3 times, you will speak to 12 girls.

The first approach was easy. THEN the AA kicked in. This drill reminded me of the ABC one. Back on day 17 I only could only do four reps on the first day. Today it was two. I don't know why this was so difficult but it doesn't really matter. There's only one way to do this: doing it.

Nothing really interesting happened. One woman gave me weird looks the other didn't even look at me.

LESSONS LEARNED
- AA can increase after doing an approach.

https://youtu.be/UAH6vU9p0XU
 
Day 34b

Was feeling under the weather today and wanted to not do the drill today. Decided that if I can work, I can as well do the drill and everything else is an excuse. So I went out and did it. Well, I did one rep. Still better than nothing considering I really, really didn't want to do it.

LESSONS LEARNED
- I realized I struggle with the fact that, so far, no one stopped when I started the drill. I might need to change my approach and do it on people who aren't moving or stop them first.

https://youtu.be/szg-7Iluw74
 
Day 34c

Didn't do any drills for the last two days because ... well, honestly I just didn't want to. I was really worried this drill would be another one that would take me a long time and I guess I was putting off failing to finish it (air tight logic, isn't it).

Anyways, today I went out and restarted the drill and did all twelve approaches.
What I struggled the most with, was my expectation of other people's responses. For some reason, I thought that I need to get an answer after the first two lines. Once I realized that I can just do the drill without having the other person say anything, I finished in about 20 minutes.

LESSONS LEARNED
- Questioning the assumptions you hold about how something should go, can help change how you tackle a problem.
- I tend to put off things I should do when I feel I won't succeed anyways.

https://youtu.be/nVKA00F06VE
 
Day 35

Hey Bro, Time, U Mad Bro?, Leave
Hey Bro, Time, U Mad Bro?, Non-Sexual Compliment, Leave
Hey Bro, Time, U Mad Bro?, Non-Sexual Compliment, U Mad Bro?, Leave
Hey Bro, Time, U Mad Bro?, Non-Sexual Compliment, U Mad Bro?, You really helped a Bro out, Leave

Challenge: Say "U Mad Bro?" after every thing you say AND after the girl says anything-
Hey Bro, U Mad Bro?, Time, U Mad Bro?, Non-Sexual Compliment, U Mad Bro?, You really helped a Bro out, U Mad Bro? Leave

Repeat this 4 times, you will speak to 16 girls.

This drill was a lot of fun. I didn't follow the script to the letter (sometimes I forgot what to say and just bro'ed my way through the interaction) but I think I killed it today.
Most girls' reactions were a mix of confusion and amusement. Some were really not feeling it though. One even told me "I am not a bro." OK bro, I like your outfit anyways.

I had to push myself a bit in the beginning, but once I had a few reps under my belt, I blasted through the rest of them. I feel, today I was extra "in your face". Something about incessantly using the word bro brought my inner bro out.

I don't understand how this drill is related to "keeping it real", but I didn't mind just having some fun.

LESSONS LEARNED
- Today I realized what Chris meant by "this is your world, other people just live in it".

https://youtube.com/shorts/a9I1NlPiCzs
 
nice bro youre plowing through it
not many people have the will to do this
soon your done !
 
Olafsmash said:
nice bro youre plowing through it
not many people have the will to do this
Click to expand...

Thanks man! It is really encouraging to see other guys who work on themselves acknowledge the effort I put into this. I really appreciate that.


Day 36

Time, Leave
Time, That's a nice shirt, Leave
Time, That's a nice shirt, Those are cool shoes, Leave
Time, That's a nice shirt, Those are cool shoes, That's a cool haircut, Leave
Time, That's a nice shirt, Those are cool shoes, That's a cool haircut, That's an awesome purse (even if she isn't holding one), Leave

* Challenge: Give as many non-sexual compliments as you possibly can. Try to reach 7 or 8 before the girl leaves.

Repeat this 3 times, you will speak to 15 girls.

Haven't done any drills in two days because I was being a lazy ass and just hung out at home in my PJs.

Went out at 2PM to do the drill which was bad timing since most people who were out were mostly older and parents with their kids. Took me about two hours to finish the drill.

By the fifth or so approach I had quite a bit of social momentum and got to #13 before - for whatever reason - my AA came back and I really didn't want to be "weird" again.
The drill was rather awkward. Most girls gave neutral responses ("OK", "cool", "good for you" (wtf?)) with one or two exceptions who really liked them. I also did a few approaches where I only went halfway through the stack and had to redo them.

Yeah, not my favorite drill. I think just giving compliments for the sake of it without authenticity is rather pointless. On other days I got way better responses, probably because I was more genuine.

LESSONS LEARNED
- People can pick up on whether you're being real or not.

https://youtu.be/i2jTJS-3zlw


Day 38a

Walk up to/pass by 10 girls and say "You're cute." and Leave.
Walk up to and stop 10 girls and say "Hey, wait a second- you're cute." and Leave.

Repeat this 2 times, you will speak to 40 girls.

Easy one. There is not much of a difference between "your dress is cute" and "you are cute", right?

Wrong.

I really underestimated this one.
When I saw the the first cute girl walking towards me I was determined to tell her she's cute. But once she was within earshot, I felt my chest tighten up and couldn't get a word out.

This felt very different from any of the other compliments I've given in the past week.
About 20-30 seconds later I did manage to do one rep. I first got her attention, then told her she was cute. The moment I finished my sentence, she immediately looked away. That stung a little.

This drill feels way more raw than anything before. I did one more approach before deciding quit for today. The second girl even rolled her eyes at me. Ouch.

LESSONS LEARNED
- Things are getting real.

https://youtu.be/9CFsBdzdVSY
 
Good job dude! Now the real fun begins. You’ll feel like the man when you get over the hump of being direct with women.
 
bonzo34 said:
nice. will you do day 37 you think?
Click to expand...

The completionist in me wants to, I'm not sure if I really need, though. During the week there's not much of a night life in my city so I'll probably do it on Friday or Saturday unless I have better plans.


Day 38b

Today I did the remaining 38 reps. And man, was it a difference from yesterday. I wasn't feeling really super confident in my first few approaches and the responses were mostly lukewarm but once I had to stopped girls things changed. I remember the first girl who was really enthusiastic and gave me an "awwww, thank you. that's so sweet." I was blown away (and felt a bit patronized) by her reaction.

After that I was on a roll. Being ignored didn't bother me at all anymore and all the other reactions were absolutely beautiful.

LESSONS LEARNED
- I am convinced now that sleep (maybe just resting) is essential for change. I can't find another explanation for the profound difference between how I felt today and yesterday.
- All my life I've been walking through a field of flowers. Today they started to bloom for the first time. (yeah, fucking cheesy, sue me)

https://youtu.be/36bkJ9eHFmQ

https://youtu.be/KETRoIxeyI8
 
Day 39a

Walk up to and stop 10 girls and say "Hey, wait a second- you're cute." and Leave.
Walk up to and stop 10 girls and say "Hey, wait a second- you're cute." say your name and leave.

♥ Refer to "Do What You Want Principle" below (IMPORTANT)

Repeat this 2 times, you will speak to 40 girls.

Today was exhausting. I did 22 approaches and it took me about two to three hours. Got mostly neutral to lukewarm responses with a few really good ones sprinkled in. Not a single negative one.

With this drill, I only approach girls I find really cute (maybe with the occasional exception). I feel I am making things harder than they need to be and I might need to lower my standards.

Also, today I realized how small my city is (population of 100'000 to 150'000). I'll probably go to a larger city tomorrow and see whether that actually makes a difference.

LESSONS LEARNED
- Realized how small my city actually is.

https://youtu.be/Zy1JUQb8KKc
 
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