I had a convo with my Dad the other day.
I am absolutely done with being cucked.
DONE.
He is not a bad dude. Not at all, man. He has a lot of good to me. He is, however, absolutely FUCKED in the head dude. He is really weird and he has issues himself. I am DONE being mad at this guy.
Yes, he destroyed my brain. He was not ready to be a Dad in the first place but because he was, I am here, and for that, I am fucking grateful.
There is a way for me to build an exceptional life. It will be my fucking savage determination and drive that will get me there and brutal work ethic.
I am glad I grappled with this shit over the past few weeks, and confronted it head on. It allowed me to process it and deal with it.
There is a long way to go for me man. I am not going to stay at this level. Yeah I am running a fucking great biz, get laid, but this is not what I want.
I want to be a lot, lot, lot better than this.
This is honestly living small, man, and way below my potential. I could serve a lot more, create a lot more, produce a lot more, and become a lot better.
Essentially, I am not going hard enough. Because when I got out of pain, which was a few months ago, and began to feel like a successful person, my absolutely horrible background and the fact that I come from a bad background of abuse came crashing down upon me and made me feel like, damn Ravi, who are you kidding, you think you are this and that, don't you know you are a kid who is from nothing, you are nothing at all, who are you trying to fool.
When the outer world has gotten better, the inner world can savagely resist it.
This is called FEAR OF SUCCESS.
Because how can an inner identity, which was molded in hell, which was cloaked in pain, remain stable when you are now getting somewhere in life?
I am DONE feeling sorry for myself, DONE with being fucked cucked by my Dad, DONE with making excuses for myself to stay at this level because I do not believe this is the end of the road for me.
What it is, however, is the end of my own bullshit, thinking I am too broken inside to get to the top of this world, thinking people will not want to work with a childhood abuse survivor, I am done with being ashamed of my past and thinking I am a lesser being because those things were done to me. FUCK IT.
The worst thing a guy like me can do, is say, alright, well I guess I will play small, because who am I to push further ahead from this point.
That not only lets me down, but also, every other survivor who has been through that, which is what really upsets me.
No more of this shit man. I have had enough. It is selfish to wallow, when guys like me should instead, become successful, and show others that it CAN BE DONE even with a fucking dire as hell hand.
It's time to turn this shit into strength and go harder than I ever have.
I will find a way.
Mexico for a bit, build rock solid inner game. Get my money up, hardcore. Go to NYC, finish what I said I will finish. Grind for a while. Get where I need to be.
And then go higher in this world.
This will take a monstrous work ethic and I have cucked myself psychologically the past 2-3 months I'd say so I think it will have to be a case of going to war again like I did in The Phoenix Project.
So let it start today.........
Will do my check-in, in a bit, going to do some movement and body work for a bit, back is niggly as fuck right now, gotta consider if I go train or wait until Monday. I haven't taken any time off training for quite a while so this may be a useful reset this weekend.
I will WORK this weekend because I have to bring my warrior spirit back.
The one thing that has gotten me to this place today, is warrior spirit. As soon as I got out of pain (towards the end of Budapest) this just starred to abate. I was no longer the savage MAC I have been for years. I was a bit different.
I think I had to have the internal realisations this experience has brought me. I am now, no longer playing to get out of pain..........
I AM PLAYING TO GET TO THE FUCKING TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN
TO PROVE THAT IT CAN BE DONE
Back shortly...........grinding season commences...................been fucked up psychologically for months man and that ends today.
Final comment: massive shoutout to Dante who called me yesterday to check in on me after not hearing from me for a while. He slapped me with some hard truths, which I will not share here, I'll keep those to myself, but I needed to hear it.
-MAC DADDY
Morning Check-in & 
Evening Checkout
Crafting 3 Killer Social Posts
Sales Work
Networking
Hitting the Gym