Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

Spider Jerusalem said:
To get into the city on time, I'm up at 04:00 Hrs and I get home at 18:00 Hrs. That consists of 3 Hours + of travelling a day. Not to
mention the time spent waiting for the bus (it's always late). I go to bed at 20:00 Hrs so it's currently 20 minutes until bedtime and I haven't finished this post yet.
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Commuting is a grind man. Beats the fuck out of driving though. On a commute (train is preferred but bus is acceptable) you can do heaps of stuff and there's no mental energy expenditure. Think podcasts, audiobooks, physical books if you don't get carsick. Also think extra sleep. I can sleep anywhere so used to use the morning bus ride (an hour ish) to just catch up and pass the time. Pick a window and pass out against it.

You know the situation better than I do but does 9 months look like an acceptably long time on a resume nowdays? I would have thought 12 was the gold standard. You know your industry so if its enough its enough.
 
Colossus said:
Spider Jerusalem said:
To get into the city on time, I'm up at 04:00 Hrs and I get home at 18:00 Hrs. That consists of 3 Hours + of travelling a day. Not to
mention the time spent waiting for the bus (it's always late). I go to bed at 20:00 Hrs so it's currently 20 minutes until bedtime and I haven't finished this post yet.
Click to expand...

Commuting is a grind man. Beats the fuck out of driving though. On a commute (train is preferred but bus is acceptable) you can do heaps of stuff and there's no mental energy expenditure. Think podcasts, audiobooks, physical books if you don't get carsick. Also think extra sleep. I can sleep anywhere so used to use the morning bus ride (an hour ish) to just catch up and pass the time. Pick a window and pass out against it.

You know the situation better than I do but does 9 months look like an acceptably long time on a resume nowdays? I would have thought 12 was the gold standard. You know your industry so if its enough its enough.
Click to expand...

Colossus

Yeah man I get through a lotta podcasts when I’m commuting so I make use of the dead time

It’s in education, so it’s Term-Time fixed contract for that length. Honestly don’t wanna stick it out longer than I have to at this rate!

Many thanks,

Spider 🕷
 
Day 114: 02/02/2022 ✅

Didn’t want to write this post, but I did anyway (Filler Post)

Another shitty filler post. I almost fell asleep at work today and there’s rings under my eyes

Definitely getting an early night tonight. Couldn’t be bothered to write this filler post, but I did it anyway ⬆️

I’ll look back and thank myself when this 365 Project is over

Keeping up the streak 💯

Thanks for Reading 📖

Spider 🕷
 
Day 115: 03/02/2022

Personal things going on: Another filler post

I'll keep this one short - got some personal things going on at the minute which I'm gonna need to work through for the next couple of days. I'll still stick a post on each day, just won't be full of detail and purely to keep in check with the 365 Day Project

Thanks for Reading

Spider 🕷
 
Day 119: 07/02/2022

Back posting shortly

Hey everyone

Personal stuff has now been dealt with - I’ll put a post on tomorrow and get back into things proper

My last 4-5 posts were shit, but for a very good reason and at least they kept me in the game 🕹

Catch ya’ll soon 🔜

Thanks for Reading 📖

Spider 🕷
 
Day 120: 08:02/2022

Blood test: dealing with anxiety

I took my Doctor’s advice and went and got a blood test to rule out any underlying causes for my anxiety and other conditions on Thursday.

This was a big step as I have an extreme phobia of needles.

On top of that, I spent all weekend in bed thinking I was going to be told I had some incurable disease and was going to die within 3 months when the results came back Monday.

Spent the whole 2 days in bed, but didn’t sleep. Constant panic attacks. Constant Googling of symptoms and breaking down in tears, hyperventilating, literally thought I was going to die.

This was a full health screen which tests for pretty much everything - blood cell count, diabetes, cholesterol, thyroid etc.

Results came back all clear. I’ve been told if anything major was wrong, it would’ve been picked up by now.

I’m so relieved but also in a state of disbelief. I still feel anxious as hell. Started on the Zoloft today and I’m going for counselling soon.

5 medical professionals have now told me I’m okay and I’m not showing symptoms of anything major.

I think I genuinely need help and I’m going to start getting it.

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
 
I have been there.

I recovered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks.

Read the post on anxiety and brain reconditioning on my first page.

I know this backwards dude. I can help. My brother was in the same space as you are, and recovered in a week.

You can't give in to it and keep going to the docs - you'll perpetuate the cycle.

MAC
 
Day 121: 09/02/2022 ✅

Time off work and Therapy: Fixing my mental health

I’ve decided to take 3 Days off work for the sake of my mental health.

I didn’t sleep last night or eat much yesterday, so I woke up at 04:10 and decided not to go to work. I called in sick and then I had a bit of a breakdown today.

Spoke to my family about my anxiety, depression and PTSD. They were taken aback and I got upset. Needed saying though so they are aware. So far been very supportive

Also booked in for therapy towards the end of this month. Need to work through my issues with a professional as this has just Fucking destroyed me.

I’ve started on my antidepressants/anti-anxiety pills too. I did my own research and decided to give them a try. Will monitor this going forward. On day 2 of these.

I know these have been short posts lately, but I’m still working through my mental health issues.

I’m still around, just focusing on myself for a bit.

Now my physical health is in order and the doctor has signed me off, it’s time to look after my mental health.

Been needing to do this for a long time.

Thanks for reading 📖

Spider 🕷
 
MakingAComeback said:
I have been there.

I recovered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks.

Read the post on anxiety and brain reconditioning on my first page.

I know this backwards dude. I can help. My brother was in the same space as you are, and recovered in a week.

You can't give in to it and keep going to the docs - you'll perpetuate the cycle.

MAC
Click to expand...

Thank you MakingAComeback

I’m doing better - it doesn’t go away, but it’s getting easier. I’ll check out your log now - really appreciate the experience and guidance of someone who’s been there

Regards,

Spider 🕷
 
Day 123: 11/02/2022 ✅

Taking the first step: Leaving my room 🚪

This morning was awful as I was throwing up. Had a real bad reaction to the antidepressants, so I’m going to flush em’.

I took a big step today and moved out of my bedroom and spent the entire day downstairs with my Mom.

My room is really messy, dark and cold which is a recipe for disaster when you’re mental health isn’t great. Came downstairs where it’s warm, tidy, bright and comfortable.

Just lay on the sofa and talked.

Was able to open up more and discuss how I’m feeling. My anxieties etc. and I feel better for doing it.

I’ve been reading Andy’s article on how to beat depression. Once I’m physically better from the tablet side-effects, this is something I’ll start on. Really good article.

Thanks for Reading 📖

Spider 🕷
 
Adam said:
Hey Man. It sucks that you're feeling depressed and anxious, but it's good that you are taking action and talking to a therapist to work through these issues. You'll be stronger for it when you come out the other side. Keep us posted, we're rooting for you.
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Adam

Thank you so much - I really needed to hear this.

It’s been a difficult couple of years in my life, but I’m willing to tackle my past for the sake of my future

I’m going to beat what’s going on. I’m determined to

Thank you again - really appreciate the support
 
Spider Jerusalem said:
I took a big step today and moved out of my bedroom and spent the entire day downstairs with my mom
Click to expand...

Lots of people reading this may think this is trivial, but I actually think it's huge.

Holing yourself up in a solitary room for most of the day is a recipe for wrecking your mental health and becoming antisocial. Just chill in a public area instead. You can play on your phone or do whatever, but being out in a common area opens you up to actual social interaction, even if you're not the one initiating it.

Think I need to get into the habit of GTFOing from my room as soon as I wake up as well.
 
Day 124: 12/02/2022 ✅

Taking the second step: 'Clean your room' ✅

Read Andy's article on how to overcome depression and one of the big things I took from it was to keep occupied with chores and mindless tasks etc.

I mentioned in my post yesterday that my room was dark, messy, depressing and cold.

So I cleaned my room.

Once I cleaned it and made sure it was tidy, I shut the door on it and came downstairs.

I've re-arranged it a little so it's more open and less closed off. I did feel claustrophobic in there to a degree previously.

I'm making an effort now to not spend as much time up there.

It's just gonna depress me being shut away from everyone all the time whilst the same depressing and intrusive thoughts creep into my mind and swirl repeatedly around in my head, which in turn leads to me having panic attacks and freaking out.

I'm sat in there at my desk now to type up this post, but then I'm heading back downstairs.

Another small step, but this was worth it. Cleaning up my environment has definitely improved my mood and given me a sense of accomplishment.

I also had a little breakdown today, but it wasn't as bad and after reassurance from my family, I'm feeling okay.

I'm never going to be perfect with my mental health. Been through too much trauma to aim that high, but I can get as near to it as damned and I'm gonna do my best to try at least.

Next step after this will be my physical health. Getting the all clear from my blood tests was a big step on the path with this. God, I was so scared on my way up to the Doctor's office. I hadn't had a blood test in 12 years - I was sick with kidney disease in hospital and had to have many blood tests when I was 15, which is probably why they scare the Fuck out of me.

I re-listened to Andy's 'Run Towards Fear' Podcast Episode on my way up and this really helped.

I may make getting a check-up by a nurse a yearly thing.

The weekend after was absolutely agonising. The wait for the results almost killed me. I literally did not get out of bed all weekend. I thought I was going to die or be told that I wouldn't have long left to live. All of these thoughts have just put me through hell the past week and has lead to me having a breakdown and needing to take some time off work to get my head straight.

It's absolutely Fucking horrible and it has destroyed me, but I kept up with the 365 Day Project of posting on here. I held onto that at least. I'm now going to try and rebuild myself back up.

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
 
Day 125: 13/02/2022

Taking the 3rd step: Cleaning myself up

Not much to report for today. Had a shower, shave and cleaned myself up. Feel better for doing this and I look better too.

I'll be going back to work Tuesday. If I take tomorrow to help break up the working week a bit and give me a bit of a boost and mentally prepare, I think that'll really help. Work might not be happy, but I've only missed 4 Days.

If I really wanted to, I could've walked into the Doctor's office and asked for a sick note and gone off for a hell of a lot longer.

I've also just realised I'm now 1/3rd of the way (or just over) through my 365-Day Project. Another milestone hit. I think I can take comfort in this fact considering the very difficult time I've been having lately with my mental health.

I'm quite surprised at myself that I kept this up with the posts.

Thanks for Reading

Spider 🕷
 
Day 126: 14/02/2022 ✅

Taking the 4th Step: Getting out of the house 🚪

Just a quick one today - got outta the house and saw a very good friend of mine for an hour.

I’ve been at home with my depressive thoughts a while and I decided to get out. Spoke to my friend about what’s been going on and I feel a lot better.

I’m slowly getting there. Been making plans for the weekend with my Mom too who’s helping me through this rough patch.

Thanks for Reading 📖

Spider 🕷
 
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