Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 225: 23/05/2022

Driving Refresher and An Upsetting Experience 🕊

Driving Refresher

Went on my driving refresher today - first of 5 sessions Instructor is sound and I pretty much explained the situation to him: Got hit by a truck when I was learning originally, some drug dealing scumbag almost killed me a couple weeks back whilst he was fleeing the cops (Asshole ) and I've seen lots of shit on the road when I was a cop myself, so my driving anxiety and nerves are pretty bad

We basically drove around my town and the surrounding areas for 2 full hours and things got more complex as the lessons went on and I handled everything well He's given me advice etc. on how to relax behind the wheel and identified the behaviours I need to improve on e.g. checking mirrors, knowing when to pull out etc.

Want to say a quick thank you to Striker for the back and forth we had the other day on my log regarding getting value for money with driving instructors I timed it and I definitely got my money's worth, so I'll be sticking with this guy He seems a decent bloke - was telling me he got into teaching driving as some dude he knew who drove like a lunatic crashed his car and winded up killing himself. He was only young, so this inspired him to want to teach kids about how to be safer on the roads

Might seem like a little thing, but this was a big step for me. Chalking this up as a big win

An Upsetting Experience 🕊

Something else happened yesterday which made me feel a bit low I've got this bird box in my garden with 6 birds in Hadn't seen the parents for a couple of hours which is unusual. So I took the box down, took a look inside and the young birds are in there still chirping I went and bought some mealworms from the pet store and tried to feed them, but they wouldn't have it.

I took a look this morning and they've all passed on.

Upset my dad a little bit as he likes animals. Bird box needed clearing out and my dad was too upset to do it, so I had to empty it out. I dug a hole down the garden and put them in, buried them and said a few words over the grave.

Didn't feel right to just put them in the bin.

So yeah, bit of an upsetting experience, but I guess it's a part of nature. I did what I could for them anyway.

Any other business:

- I'm back on No-Fap. Noticed that my sex drive is incredibly low lately and I'm chalking it up to this. Got a tracker for my phone, so I'll keep on this and keep myself distracted in the meantime

- Still not heard from my P.T guy at the time of writing this post. I'll give it until tomorrow afternoon then I'll hit him up on text and see where he's at

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 226: 24/05/2022

Taking Myself Seriously: P.T Sessions and Sleep Pattern Reset

Decided to start taking myself seriously and make a financial commitment to getting back in the gym

Also decided to reset my sleep pattern (again) as it's completely Fucked at the minute as a result of too many late nights on the cruise vacation

P.T Sessions

Got a text message this morning asking if I could do 08:30 on Thursday morning I've confirmed and we're now locked in for this day and time

Gonna feel good to get back in the gym. Problems in the past have included not having a clue what I'm doing and then not keeping the consistency up with the gym

Going with a P.T will ensure I know what I'm doing so this issue will be offset Being financially committed and finally having had enough of looking like a Fucking twig has motivated me to follow through and make good attempt to be consistent with the Gym

I'll have 1 session a week with my P.T guy to keep myself motivated and commit myself to going On top of that, I'll be coming in on my own the rest of the week

It's just gonna be a waste of money otherwise which is why this will give me the motivation to keep it up

I'll update on here with any developments as to how it goes

Sleep Pattern Reset

I have been trying and failing miserably at getting up early recently Too many late nights on vacation and being up late playing Xbox I think are the main culprits here Doesn't help that my alarm clock is right next to my bed and I keep shutting it off when I wake and end up falling back to sleep

I've moved my sunrise alarm to the desk on the other side of my room to counteract this I need to get up early for my first P.T Session on Thursday that I've scheduled, so this is something I need to work on ASAP Particularly as I want to hit the gym in the mornings before the rush

I unfortunately live in a small town and still bump into assholes who haven't grown up fully yet that I went to school with when I've gone later in the day to the gym, so I'm doing this to limit my interaction with them

I wish people would Fucking grow up sometimes I've thought about changing gyms but I won't for the following reasons:

1. Why should I have to do that?
2. It's the closest one to my house that's 24 hours

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 227: 25/05/2022

Good Sleep and Anxiety

I had the best sleep I've had in a long time last night last night and woke up feeling fresh at 05:00

I put my blue-light blocking glasses on at 8 P.M and ended up feeling drowsy when 9 o'clock rolled round. Ended up drifting off in my clothes, got woken up at half 9 and went back to bed straight away. I was out by 21:45

My sunrise alarm went off this morning and I got straight up and didn't feel groggy. Will definitely be doing this again tonight. Hopefully I get another good sleep and an early wake up

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did some prep for my first P.T session tomorrow morning

Got my gym clothes ready and set them out ready for the morning. I also Went to an ATM and got the month's fees out ready for tomorrow

I saw Andy did a video on his progress in the gym which I've watched. Big thank you to KillYourInnerLoser as this dropped at just the right time. When it comes to the gym, I am full of doubt and could relate to a lot of things Andy was saying in the video

I discussed a while back I went on a date and got called 'Mr. Scrawny'. It's shit like this that gets me down and makes me feel like a twig and part of me believes that I will always be like a twig, but I realise that's bullshit now as long as I put the work in

Time to confront my negative mindset

----------------------------------------------------------

Confronting Health Anxiety 🛡

My health anxiety has been creeping back in a bit here and there, but I'm hopeful that once I start getting back in the gym and realise that I'm physically capable, this will help subside it

I've had many health professionals, doctors, nurses, family and friends all tell me after various thorough medical tests that there is nothing wrong and they can't find anything

What I found interesting was when I was on vacation recently, I met a lot of old people (as there tends to be on cruises). Many of whom were obese, heavy smokers and drinkers with various health conditions who were still going and living their lives normally and keeping on

I looked inward at myself - a 27 year-old non-smoker, non-drinker and who isn't obese and has had many medical tests which have all come back clear

I look at my own parents also who are both heavy smokers and have been for 40+ years who have had Cancer, COPD and a heart attack between them, yet they're still keeping on, are working and are well into their 60s now!

Rationalising it like this has made me realise I need to chill the Fuck out

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 228: 26/05/2022

Big Achievement - I Hit The Gym!

Big achievement today - managed to get in the gym with my trainer for the first time in a long time!

Almost killed me, but I coped well and did the exercise program.

Anxiety was high this morning, but I battled through and went after it!

Chalking this up as a big win considering everything that's been going on, so I'm happy.

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 229: 27/05/2022

Applying for Jobs and Coffee Date ️

Started applying for jobs this week and I've also arranged a coffee date tomorrow ️

Back to Work: Applying for Jobs

I feel like I need to get back into work and so I've been applying for jobs all this week I have now applied for a total of 11 jobs. All of these are part time and within my local area 🗺 nothing too heavy.

I am conscious that if I jump into something full-time and I'm not ready that this will just set me back to square 1, so I want to get something part-time to start

I'm hoping to work no more than 20 hours a week if possible

I really struggled with the 9-5 office jobs even before my mental breakdown where I wasn't well and went off sick I just don't enjoy slaving away 5 days a week in a corporate environment and I think everyone can relate to that

Coffee Date ️

Got a coffee date tomorrow with a girl who's brother I went to school with - That's small towns for you I suppose!

I haven't been on a date in a while. On top of that, I had a bit of a shitty experience the other day with an abusive girl which I'll write about at some point

I pitched a date at a coffee shop ️ about halfway between us. She wanted to change the venue last minute and meet at a coffee shop miles away from me and closer to her giving me the 'it'll be too busy there...' excuse

I didn't back down and basically told her I'll meet her at the one that's fair for both or I won't be meeting her at all! I did this playfully by saying 'Well, I think you're worth queing up for so it doesn't bother me if it's busy'

She agreed and we're good for 12 tomorrow ️

Be good to get back in the saddle. I know she's got her own place as well, so we'll see what I can swing for the second date if tomorrow goes well Not getting my hopes up though as she's been a little difficult telling me she's a 'busy girl'

We shall see.

Any Other Business:

- Went to the Chiropractor today. He said that there's no sign of any inflammation or abnormalities with my chest aside from the usual. Has said my ribcage is very tight and that is likely making me feel a bit short of breath combined with my shit posture

- No-Fap Day 2. Let's see how long I can keep it going for

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Bman]

I am conscious that if I jump into something full-time and I'm not ready that this will just set me back to square 1, so I want to get something part-time to start

I think doing only a part time job while working on your own self improvement is incredibly helpful.

About 3 years ago I was working in an architecture firm. I became very depressed, felt like the work I was doing meant nothing, and hated working in an office. At the time I was doing different side hustles which I thought I may be able to make an income from. So I quit my job and was living on saving for about 4 or 5 months. Although I was making some money, it was not enough to pay the bills. So I decided to get part time work that would help me build skills I would need as an entrepreneur. So I decided I got a gig doing door to door sales for a window company. The pay was barely over minimum wage, but I got bonuses for sales, and the experience was worth it. From their I continued to work on my own projects while looking for better paying part time jobs. This allowed me to try out different things as an entrepreneur to find what I actually wanted to do while not having to worry about making money from it right away.

Now I have launched a startup in the higher education market, because during my own self development and journey I discovered how passionate I was about learning and education. But I still have a part time job that pays $30/hr and will be somewhere closer to $35-40/hr at the end of this year, which is actually more than I was making in my original architecture job. And all I did was kept applying for better jobs and building skillsets, while focusing on my own project. Of course when the startup is bringing in revenue, I will be able to go full time on it. But for now, the part time gig helps.

So keep at it, man. With work, it does get better.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

About 3 years ago I was working in an architecture firm. I became very depressed, felt like the work I was doing meant nothing, and hated working in an office. At the time I was doing different side hustles which I thought I may be able to make an income from. So I quit my job and was living on saving for about 4 or 5 months. Although I was making some money, it was not enough to pay the bills. So I decided to get part time work that would help me build skills I would need as an entrepreneur. So I decided I got a gig doing door to door sales for a window company. The pay was barely over minimum wage, but I got bonuses for sales, and the experience was worth it. From their I continued to work on my own projects while looking for better paying part time jobs. This allowed me to try out different things as an entrepreneur to find what I actually wanted to do while not having to worry about making money from it right away.

Bman

Dude, thank you so much for sharing some of your experiences with me and giving some input - it's much appreciated!

Part of me feels like a bit of a 'loser' for not working full-time, but I recognise now that's just a negative mindset and the wrong view, especially as I'll be working on myself when I'm not putting the work in at any part-time job that I get.

Thanks again man, much appreciated!

Spider 🕷

 

[Bman]

Part of me feels like a bit of a 'loser' for not working full-time, but I recognise now that's just a negative mindset and the wrong view, especially as I'll be working on myself when I'm not putting the work in at any part-time job that I get.

I know that feeling. It comes up because you look at everyone else working full time and feel like that is what you SHOULD be doing. But then you have to take a step back and ask yourself:

- Is working part time helping me reach my goals?
- Am I able to afford my current lifestyle while I work on those goals without sacrificing my progress?
- Am I happy with how my life is progressing

If the answer to those are yes, you're far from a loser. You're making decisions based on what you want in life. Not what everyone else is doing.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 230: 28/05/2022

The Flake Prospect Report

The Flake

So my coffee date that I arranged today turned into coffee for one at my desk (saved me some time and money I suppose) ️ I got a text at about 08:30 Hrs this morning from the chick I was supposed to meet saying 'I hate to be that person, but I'm gonna have to rain check today...'.



Little pissed off especially as I sent a confirmation text yesterday and she seemed all up for it. She didn't give me a reason for flaking on me or propose another date I ended up replying 'so when do you propose we have this date?' I'm still waiting for a reply, but I'm not getting my hopes up

Was gonna hit the gym this morning with my P.T, but had this scheduled coffee date instead I'm gonna try and go on my own later this evening instead to try and salvage the day somewhat

Prospect Report

I haven't been having much luck with the ladies lately Today's flake has just kinda added to the pile recently as I'll explain below

I guess that Lady Luck is really a hooker and I'm always fresh outta cash when she comes calling!

Thought I'd give a bit of a rundown here on the prospects and why things haven't worked out with them

Chinese Kitten

Wants to have a 3some with another guy who she's said 'likes to Fuck men'. Told her that's not really cool with me so I'm gonna have to pass. She keeps pushing for it so I've stopped replying If the shoe was on the other foot, the guy would get chased outta town and lynched from the nearest lamppost torch and pitchfork style I would never push a girl into doing something she doesn't want to, so I don't see why she thinks she can do it to a guy Won't be meeting her again as this is a boundary for me. Nothing against the gay/bi folk, just ain't for me

Fitness Cougar

I didn't reply to a text for 2 days due to being busy and so I got voice messages with a lot of abuse and swearing. Told her I'm not putting up with that and she can find someone else to spend time with. Got called a 'Fucking C**t' and a 'Low value male loser who doesn't work and still lives at home...'. Blocked and deleted. I could say more on this and rant, but I'm not gonna bother wasting my time on it. Not tolerating this. Got me down a bit the past couple days, but I'm moving on

Maths Teacher

This one has been Fucking guys left right and centre when she moved back up north and has given me the 'I'm starting to feel used...' speech and so she doesn't want to meet me She's back in town this weekend, but she's said she's 'really busy' and won't be able to meet. A polite refusal. Not gonna push with this girl as if she does sleep with me, I don't want her to regret it and feel like shit. Chalking it up to a loss and moving on

Latina Milf

Stopped replying to my Instagram messages Eventually admitted she's started seeing someone else. Told her no hard feelings and I wished her all the best. Just wish she would've said earlier instead of keeping me hanging on for a couple of weeks

Italian Pole Dancer

Took a shot at this one and dropped a photo message of a sunset I saw whilst on the cruise saying 'Pity you ain't here enjoying this romantic view with me. Still dating?' Totally blanked which I kind of expected. Pity as this girl was smoking hot

Various Tinder Girls Worth a Brief Mention

3 or 4 all ghosted, flaked or met someone else whilst speaking to me for a brief spell The one chick was even married which was a total no no for me. I don't go against my principles when it comes to that kinda thing

*REPORT END*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So things haven't exactly been going well on the girl front lately I've stopped showing myself on Tinder for the time being Gonna take a week or two off from it. I'm also pretty much out of boosts ️ and I'm kind of lacking the motivation to purchase any due to the above

I think I need to look at improving my looks and my photos as I'm getting messed around a fair bit

I think I remember reading in Andy's content how the better you look, the less you get Fucked around and the more chicks want to sleep with you

I'm getting back in the gym, so this is a good start Just need to keep up with the consistency now.

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Holden]

Sorry to hear about those mean messages. Honestly man, when girls do shit like that, just leave them on read & block. Don't dignify it with a reply. It gives them attention which is what they want.

Regarding the flake, it sounds like you did what I do when girls flake (ask them which other date they propose) but I should make clear that this is something that works maybe 10% of the time because generally when a girl flakes without giving a good excuse or another time, it's just womanese for "I'm actually not interested in you" and there's nothing you can do.

If I text them "what date do you propose" and they reply anything other than a time and a place, I just leave them on read and unfollow. Same if they don't respond in 24h.

 

[Squilliam]

If the shoe was on the other foot, the guy would get chased outta town and lynched from the nearest lamppost torch and pitchfork style I would never push a girl into doing something she doesn't want to, so I don't see why she thinks she can do it to a guy

And that's precisely why girls like this deserve to be treated the way that women treat creepy/harassing men, with cold rudeness and not an ounce of sympathy.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Holden

Sorry to hear about those mean messages. Honestly man, when girls do shit like that, just leave them on read & block. Don't dignify it with a reply. It gives them attention which is what they want.

Thanks man. Felt pretty shitty as this chick knew I'm having a bit of a tough time at the minute but decided to be like that anyway. I won't even reply next time if this happens again and I'll just block like you say. I don't argue or tolerate that kind of behaviour anymore (I've wised up a lot since my late teens and early 20's) and in the future, I won't even dignify this kind of attitude with a response.

Regarding the flake, it sounds like you did what I do when girls flake (ask them which other date they propose) but I should make clear that this is something that works maybe 10% of the time because generally when a girl flakes without giving a good excuse or another time, it's just womanese for "I'm actually not interested in you" and there's nothing you can do.

Yeah got the tip from your log so thank you for that I've really learnt a lot from it! Lol, 'womanese'. I'm using that one aha! She's yet to reply, so I'll give her a couple of hours and then she'll be getting unfollowed if I don't hear back. Seems like a bit of a waste of time either way as if she genuinely wanted to meet me, I think she'd have made it a lot easier. See what happens but I'm not very hopeful.

It's got me a bit down lately as I was on a good streak a couple months ago with 3 lays in 5 days

I know you go through tough times with chicks yourself on ocassion with flakes etc. I'm hopeful I can bounce back. I'm definitely gonna hit the gym going forward and improve my looks/photos as I think this will be a game-changer.

Thanks to you and Mr. Squilliam for the continued support and valuable input - much appreciated

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 231: 29/05/2022

Tinder Bullshit: Realising I Need to Look Better + Productive Day

Tinder Bullshit: Realising I Need to Look Better

So I used my last Tinder Boost last night ️ and thought I'd give a shot and see if anything turns up. Turned into a complete and utter dumpster fire 🗑 and served only to solidify my position of:'I need to look better'.

As a an example, I matched with a girl who's leaving the country on Tuesday and mentioned this specifically in her profile Definitely gave me the 'I want some company before I go home vibes'.

The conversation went like this:

Me: 'I'd like to catch you before you go. Are you free tomorrow?'

Her: 'I don't know.'



How the can somebody not know whether they are free the next day or not? What a timewaster. Unmatched.

Had a couple of other matches, but they've said because I have a cat in my profile, they're 'put off and won't be meeting me as they're dog people'...

Again, what the Fuck?

Everyone else is either morbidly obese, miles away or a single mother

So yeah, not a good result. I feel like people are just out to Fuck with me lately for lack of anything better to do.

I seriously think I Need to improve my looks, take some better photos and take it from there

Productive Day

Had a fairly productive day today. Did a bit of self-care too:

- Cleaned and tidied my room
- Took 2 Showers (1 this morning and another after my workout)
- Drank plenty water
- Ate well

Felt better about things after doing this

Getting back in the Gym this week too

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[HomelessBob]

If it helps mate, I've heard during the summer it's harder to meet up. More stuff going on in people's lives till around August. I try not to let it be an excuse but knowing that also helps take the edge off the repeated kicks in the teeth when they flake, lol.

Personally I've also noticed an uptick in...well today it took a number of swipes to find anyone with a healthy BMI. So, that's the bar right now I guess.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

If it helps mate, I've heard during the summer it's harder to meet up. More stuff going on in people's lives till around August. I try not to let it be an excuse but knowing that also helps take the edge off the repeated kicks in the teeth when they flake, lol.

HomelessBob

Thanks Bob, I'll try and take comfort in that fact as at the moment, I don't think I got much teeth left!

Personally I've also noticed an uptick in...well today it took a number of swipes to find anyone with a healthy BMI. So, that's the bar right now I guess.

'Healthy BMI' Very diplomatically put! Totally agree though it is definitely slim pickings on there lately. I'm hopeful come August like you say, it'll pick up a bit. Time will tell

Thanks man

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 232: 30/05/2022

Job Interview Driving Refresher 2

Job Interview

Got a job interview tomorrow working as a supervisor at a health food store It's 25 Hours a week which is 5 more than I wanted to do, but I can compromise a little I'm not really expecting to get the job anyway, but we'll see I'm anxious about it that's for sure, but I need to start getting my shit together

Spent today doing a bit of interview prep - getting my suit together, printing off the necessary documents etc.

Driving Refresher 2

Had my second driving refresher today Went well although a bit nerve racking.

Took my car out for a drive tonight too on my own - just for 20 minutes or so to get back into it

Slow but sure progress

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 233: 31/05/2022

Job Interview: GOT THE JOB! and 90 Day No-Fap Challenge

GOT THE JOB!

So I had my job interview today at the Health Food store as a Supervisor

Was nervous as hell this morning and my anxiety was through the roof Had a shave anyway and got my decent suit and waistcoat ready for it, so I looked the part

Interview went well and was just an informal chat really with a few competency questions in between of which I've handled loads before, so I pretty much knew what to say 🗣

Was in there 20 minutes, came away and thought I hadn't got the job

Ended up getting a phone call telling me I got it!

Brief rundown of the job:

- 25 Hours a week
- Plenty overtime available (if I want it)
- Working days for me are: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - then I get 3 Days off a week
- 25% Staff Discount - they sell protein etc. so this will come in handy for the Gym

I wanted 20 Hours ideally and that was my target, but we don't live in an ideal world and I think 25 is a good compromise. Plus, this place is like 10 minutes from my house, so no more days of an hour and a half of journeying

Works out to 6 Hours a Day over 4 Days roughly, which is manageable

Be good to start bringing some money in again

90 Day No-Fap Challenge

Time to get serious with this. I've printed off a 'brain template' with 90 squares in it of which I will colour 1 square every day that I do not watch porn or jack off

I'm also making this pledge to myself:

I, Spider Jerusalem, pledge to giving up porn and masturbation for 90 Days.

I'm on Day 2 so far and so good:



Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Olafsmash]

gz on the job and i'll join you on the nofap and porn challenge, im on day 2 also for both

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

gz on the job and i'll join you on the nofap and porn challenge, im on day 2 also for both

Olafsmash

Sound mate - let us know how you get on

Would you like that mind template? It's not mine it's one I found on Reddit but I've got the link for it here: https://i.redd.it/d9n7dp223pg41.jpg

You might find it helpful

Regards,

Spider

 

[Aspire2Greatness]

Congrats on the job! Also, vouching for you on the 90 day nofap/noporn reset! My advice is to hit the gym, do cold showers etc if the cravings come back hard (no pun intended) at some point.

Are you doing it "hard mode", as in no sex as well?