Wrote the post last night in a kind of wonky state. I knew, finishing up the deck, it would be time to refocus on other things, but for some reason this threw me a bit.
The reality is that I don't really want to stop doing this stuff. While I don't think I would exactly call working on a house "fun", it has its appeal. There's learning new skills and figuring things out, asking your friends for help and meeting people from all walks of life through the used market. You have complete freedom, which includes the freedom to fail. Physical labor and being in the elements releases endorphins and stabilizes mood. Nothing ever goes to plan - it always takes more time and effort and money and heartache than you expected. But you *know* that if you just keep hammering, you'll get there, and then you can stand back and look at a real, physical object and say "I did that". This is probably why, for the past several months, I've been able to wrap up working my 9-5 - 8 hours of grinding, exhausting staring at a computer screen where I barely get anything done anyway - and jump right into my "second" job of hauling lumber or running electrical wire or rolling around in the dirt with renewed vigor. Also, a note to my past self - start working for yourself sooner. You make more money, you'll be happier, the hours are more flexible, and you'll work harder and get more results from that hard work, because profit incentive is one of the most powerful forces known to man.
But I *know* this has to end. My justification for prioritizing these tasks is that it would free up time and mental energy for getting laid - and that's true. But now I need to resist the temptation to keep doing this forever, and instead reevaluate my goals and figure out exactly what I should be doing next.
Goal number one is financial freedom. Fuck the nine to five. If my job was a person, I'd kick it in the teeth. So to wrap this up, I need to:
1) Stay employed, which allows me to qualify for a loan on a second house when the new year comes around.
2) Take care of my current house - fixing whatever, improving marketing shots, filling rooms when they empty, etc.
3) Get a second house in the mountains to Airbnb - call my lender, make offers, close, fix it up, decorate it, list it, make that goddamned money
Goal number two is health and fitness. This is what really tripped me up, because I was like "ok, so I need to get shredded, so I can get laid, right?" And I immediately started thinking of how to structure my macros. But no, that's not what this goal is about - in fact this goal is explicitly *not* about getting laid. That's the next goal. This goal is about being fit to build a foundation of health and athleticism for the rest of my life. It has a nice side effect of making me hotter, but that is not the focus. The reality is that my body is not great, but it is good enough to get laid, and my biggest gaps in getting laid are bad photos and mental blocks, so taking on a mentally challenging dieting regiment is not the shortest path to my goals. I'm just enticed by it because I know I'm good at it. I'm good at planning macros, and shopping in bulk, and food prep. I get a sick satisfaction from feeling the emptiness in my belly and the gauntness in my face. And the one time I did keto, I had no sides in the transition period, which is funny because in the podcast Andy did about keto he said he's never met someone who didn't have sides. So knowing this temptation, I will avoid it and focus instead on the following things:
- Lifting. This should be easy, since I enjoy it. Only issues I run into are sometimes being really tired and low energy from not sleeping enough, or simply running out of time in the day. Currently I'm lifting 4 days per week, once with my coach, which gives me some flexibility to recover more after tough workouts and have "life" happen.
- Diet. The goal here is not (*not* - you hear that, me?) to lose weight, but instead to simply eat a healthy, sustainable diet and develop good habits around food. Currently reading the book Lean and Strong by Josh Hillis, which I expect to have some good insights. Current habits/systems I'm trying to ingrain:
-- Shop and meal prep at the same time every week, so I always have good food available to eat at home.
-- Sit down to eat. This means having regular times to eat every day, and when it is time to eat, doing nothing but eating - not reading a book, listening to a podcast, or running an errand. Just focusing on the meal. I've found it turns the meal into something of a destress period in the day, where I can relax a bit and refocus on what I need to do.
-- Chew your food, ie, fletcherizing. If you look up fletcherizing, you'll find it was a theory this Fletcher guy had that chewing your food until it is liquid will help digestion, which would lead to Health. Of course, that's probably bullshit - but what it does do is force you to slow down when you are eating. You can actually taste the food and appreciate it, and the additional time it takes to eat leads to more satiation throughout the day. As a lifelong food vacuum, this is something I need to work on.
- Sleep. My biggest lifelong weakness. Aim is to be in bed by 10 each night. Additionally, start a winding down / evening routine around 9. I've noticed that there are a number of things that can impact my ability to go to sleep once I'm in bed. One is eating a lot too close to bed time, especially carb and salt heavy foods. However, the biggest, most persistent issue I have is that I will lie in bed for hours just thinking - my life, my goals, great theories on how the world works and the meaning of it all, anything and everything! But I found that this can be significantly reduced by winding down at the end of the day - intentionally doing something that is *not* productive or exciting - to signal to my brain that the day is over and it is time to relax and rest, and everything else can wait until tomorrow. Will also experiment supplementing with melatonin.
- Alcohol. Not a huge issue, but it definitely impacts my weight. Will limit myself to drinking one night per week, maximum 3 drinks.
Presumably, this should leave me with a good amount of free time and mental capacity to take on getting good at taking photos. So schedule should look something like -
Wind down, take melatonin@9
Sleep@10
Wake naturally
Coffee/breakfast
Log (incl. retrospective on sleep)
Brush teeth, etc
Chores as needed or shooting
Work/shooting (weekends)
Work out @5
Shower
Dinner
Chores/shooting (food prep Monday)
I started the day at the end of the day because sleeping is the priority. Everything else is good and nice, and I *should* do it. But for 3 weeks (hopefully long enough to form a habit), I will do everything I can to sleep well.
Roommate left his dog home today, so I took advantage of the opportunity to get the first dog shot, instead of the guitar shot. Lessons learned:
Getting a shot with two subjects is exponentially harder than getting a shot with one. Especially when one doesn't know they're in a photoshoot.
Bring dog treats and water. Set up the shot and practice the pose *before* bringing the dog in. A more cooperative dog would have been ideal - Lulu is a sweet heart, but also hardheaded and obstinate.
Practice the pose and facial expression beforehand a lot. Even in the best shots my face makes me look like a dumbass, and my posture is making me look extra flabby. I can blame some of this on having to wrangle a dog, but honestly I just wasn't paying attention. Also, that model has better hair than me. I need to work on my hair.
A lot of my shots came out with my face in focus, and the plants behind me in focus, but with Lulu out of focus. I think the camera sets the focal plane to start at what it's focal point is aimed at, and then the plane extends back a little bit. So in this case, it might have been better to focus on the dog, and let my face get captured just behind.
Take closer note of the angle of the shot you're replicating - this one was actually taken from lower, with the model leaning over the camera.
This was an unexpected opportunity, and it felt scrambly to put in contacts just before shooting. Get that shit done early in the morning, every morning, so it isn't something to worry about.
Missed the necklace. More on that below.
Shots:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1rNL0IMOVUQoM8zK3CB6K9Z5JxqXwm6bP?usp=sharing
So for both this shot and the guitar shot I was planning on doing, the model is wearing a necklace. I own no necklaces. So I said, ok, I'll go buy some, and was then stopped dead in my tracks with an "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..... I dunno if I wanna wear a necklace..." This was an emotional response to a seemingly innocuous thing, so I'd like to ask myself why.
And the most obvious and straightforward answer that comes to mind is that necklaces are extraneous. I identify as someone who gets things done, and who makes rational choices. Necklaces cost money, and are nothing but decoration, and are therefore a waste, so why would I own one? But then, I am confronted with the counterargument - your goal is to get laid, ornamentation helps you get laid, so therefore it is practical, and you should own some. But then I think "gee willikers, but then people might *know* that I want to get laid!"
But sure, suppose I go to buy a necklace. What to get. Now there is real analysis paralysis - gold? Expensive and gaudy. A simple chain? I'd look like a guido. A pendant? What pendant? What does it say about me? What does it represent? Are people going to ask about it? If it means nothing I'll look vapid. If it means something I don't know, I'll look like a posuer. Ugh, I give up, I'll wait another day.
It's funny, I didn't know I cared so much about something I didn't care about.
Keep working brother, keep working.