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Upstart's AA Program Log

https://youtu.be/wGupzR5T0ug
https://youtu.be/__cXzVto8j4
https://youtu.be/it_P0YU62Jk

Been a while since I've posted, but I've kept up the videos! Basically, I waited until Friday to attempt the day 21 drill at night. I was too nervous to make a move in any venue. I wouldn't even call it nervous. Just deep hesitation. I basically have no "in" with this drill. There's no way to do it but to DO IT. I think, what would it look like if a big (ish) black man squeezes the arm of some girl (who's boyfriend is probably around the corner) in a dimly lit bar? I know I can do it if I get socially comfortable enough like I am during the day. So my first step has been to get comfortable going out at night.

I've never been comfortable in the past because I'd be too far from home and could only go out alone since I didn't have friends or acquaintances to go out with. Not to mention what my parents would think or do to me if they found out I was out at clubs and bars (I was 19-22 at the time). Not only that, but I was so focused on becoming the best comic artist it didn't matter much anyway.

I was a man on a mission then.

Now, the mission is beating these drills and finishing boot camp.

That said, I've gone out four times in a row this week so far, including tonight around 1am after the 4th of July celebrations died down.

I wanted to see what the scene was like and where I could park nearby. I've been challenging myself to walk down the street until I find an interesting venue, go inside, and chill there for 10 minutes before leaving. I feel like I should just be able to knockout this drill, but my hesitance prevents me currently. Chris's advice to fight for EVERY inch comes to mind. So it'll take as long as it takes.

I have not interacted online in over a week. I've been fed up with the flakes and just not excited about the possible dates I could be going on. Every prospect who's even remotely interested is usually overweight, flaky, and/or too far away to make much effort. I think I'll start by moderating my distance standards from 25 miles out, to a more driveable distance. I'll start back up tomorrow, and screen more effectively for time wasters. I can't wait to get good at cold approach so I don't have to deal with so much of this online BS.

As for my financial situation, I'm not so worried anymore. It's always been in my head to earn enough to pay off all my student debt in 4 years before starting my "Game journey" at 29-30 y/o. But life demands I start NOW, so there's no arguing with it. My mind instantly goes to full-time job working in the same place so I can make more than enough to pay off college and other bills, but I've realized I don't need quite so much. If I can make just 2k+ per month I should be just fine. I'll pay the minimum on my loans for as long as I want until I decide to be more aggressive about it. One day, I'll be able to pay it ALL of in 2-3 months income. The loans don't worry me really. Never did. I was only worried that I'd have to cut my "Game journey" short to focus on full time work and get back to drawing art. But I'm fine working Doordash or other paying gigs that meet my minimum for the month so I can go on dates and save up for cool purchases in the future, which include:

-A decent camera
-An Occulus VR headset
-Some tatoos
-Earrings

Basically, I have all the clothes I need and my room can't get much more dope than it is, so the rest of the work is in losing fat and finishing the drills, and bringing girls back to the crib. My goal isn't just to sleep with a bunch of girls, it's the social freedom on the other side.
 
Update: No drills today, but I did get some new clothes. I thought I was done buying, but I almost can't help myself. It comes in waves. Without even thinking, I bought a new shirt I wanted online last night.

At 4 am.

I really must be making up for lost time, because I've bought a total of 7 pieces (shirts and jeans) before this. Everything else was from good ol' mum.

Today, I got some joggers. They fit WELL. I swiped my limit in both Tinder and Bumble before switching to Hinge...which was GARBAGE in terms of choice. I swear, the algorithm is sending me 3's (at best) on purpose. To me, the body of a big fat bitch shows me a lack of discipline and willingness to take care of one's self. There's more leeway if they're pretty though.

Facebook dating was better by a lot actually. I lowered my distance range to 20 miles so I can at least feel somewhat compelled to go out. Other than that, I'm currently studying fat loss and looking into possible odd jobs I can do to meet my monthly minimum, which may be $2500 to account for taxes.
 
Upstart said:
I swiped my limit in both Tinder and Bumble before switching to Hinge...which was GARBAGE in terms of choice. I swear, the algorithm is sending me 3's (at best) on purpose. To me, the body of a big fat bitch shows me a lack of discipline and willingness to take care of one's self. There's more leeway if they're pretty though.
Click to expand...

This is a bug, you can work around it thusly:
https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2021/03/09/experiencing-the-hinge-bug-where-profiles-sort-from-least-to-most-attractive-youre-not-alone/
 
pancakemouse said:
This is a bug, you can work around it thusly:
https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2021/03/09/experiencing-the-hinge-bug-where-profiles-sort-from-least-to-most-attractive-youre-not-alone/
Click to expand...

Hahaha! You gotta be kidding me! :)
I thought I was going crazy. Thanks man!
 
https://youtu.be/1_r8w0-zOcM
Went out and ran some errands today. Returned some clothes I found for cheaper at Goodwill. Went to the gym with my buddy, my fit was fresh as fuck. Today was leg day. Then we went to Salsa and danced with a bunch of cute girls.

I've been bringing him along on some of my growth journey. He stays indoors a lot, yet is more social than I am. He used to be creeped out when I said the point of going to Salsa for me was to get used to touching girls, but today he understood why. He said it's been so long since he's touched a girl or been touched by a girl in a normal way. Someone who wasn't his mom or sisters, etc.

I felt less nervous today when dancing because my buddy was there, and I spoke to the girls much more easily. I asked one girl to dance before I bounced. We danced for quite a while and she was very nice and talkative. I didn't make any moves to get her contact info (snap, insta, or phone#) because I'm not there yet. But because I didn't pressure myself with what I wanted, I could focus on the dance more clearly and hear what she was saying without trying to push for an outcome.

I don't usually stay long after the lesson, because I don't see how that would get girls in my bed any quicker. Most girls come with their boyfriends or husbands anyway. I started going to salsa before the AA Program, so my original goal was to get comfortable enough with women to eventually date and sleep with them.
Now my main focus is beating AA.

I'll be starting day 21 again tonight, but this time I must stay in a location for 20 mins or choose 2 locations for 10 min each and just do the drill when I see an opening. If I can do one rep, I can do em all!

Gym fit:
 
https://youtu.be/nzW4EhSKlns

Didn't start the drill, but had a breakthrough.

I keep forgetting to WARM UP!!!

I get scared of new difficult drills because I forget to warm up. I've gone out at night 7+ times now (during these drills) and I've finally relaxed enough to ask a girl for the time! I even told another girl she had a nice shirt. SO, I'll remember to warm up next time.

This weird sense of happiness also struck me because I remembered that this is the only important thing I'm focused on. Even in my financial situation. I'm not penny pinching to save for my future self right now. All of that is on hold. I'm reforging myself into the confident guy who can get girls and make money in any situation.

I also had a situation on Facebook dating today. The girl I was talking to said she was busy this week. I've been frustrated with all the "busy" girls, so I said, "Yeah same.", just to cut the shit off right there. She texts back a day later with a sad emoji. I think she's just looking for attention, but I'll reengage just to see. Nothing to lose here.

How should I re-approach what I thought was a dead lead?
 
Quick update: Just been hanging with family for the past couple days. Watched Thor: Love and Thunder. It was buttcheeks. The story couldn't take itself seriously. No gravitas to a single moment.
Anyways, I bought some more clothes to finally round out my wardrobe. Must have a $1000+ by now. I lost track.

Getting back on drills tomorrow. Day 22. I'm starting week 4's drills and waiting for the Thur-Fri to retry day 21. This way I keep making progress while dealing with a more difficult drill. I may have a date this Saturday, but we'll see. I'm starting a POF and OkCupid account tomorrow on top of all the other dating apps I installed on my phone. I have decent enough photos at the moment, which will get better over time for sure.

I'm super excited to have completed my current wardrobe as my mom and sister complimented me very highly. I had no idea I dressed so schlubby before, lol. I have a very solid foundation in shoes, pants, and shirts to the point I can effortlessly dress well.
The funny thing is, when I know I'm dressed will I don't even think about what I'm wearing or if I look good. I KNOW I do, so it doesn't cross my mind!

I also got this black denim jacket from Target. I feel the energy oozing from it every time I put it on. It fits so well. On top of that, I'm hitting the gym with my buddy and we're losing weight. Good things overall!
 
https://youtu.be/zR0TEoFJfvY

Killed Day 22 (Suspenders Drill), after a long battle with Day 21. I've decided to skip ahead for now and get more reps under my belt as I wait for the weekend bar scene.

I started with one Time drill, then said "Hey" to the next woman I found. I usually speak to older women for my first reps, just to warm up. Spoke to one who just kept talking, but it made me feel confident to keep going. I finished my reps in Walmart and moved on to Target.

I saw a cute black girl sitting outside on the curb on her phone and as soon as she looked up, I said "Hey", and she said "hi". In most cases, I would usually just get a look at her body before avoiding eye contact and walking off, but these drills provoke new actions from me.

Inside, I spoke to a really cute girl with a great bod, which automatically made me feel like I shouldn't "bother" her, but I said "fuck it" and went for it. To my great surprise, she was smiling ear to ear as I executed the drill. She even asked if I work out. To which I replied "yes, a li'l bit." before leaving. Dressing well and hitting the gym has really helped. Who could've imagined!

For the final set of 5 reps including the "challenge" question I didn't get the best reactions and was ignored when I said "hey". Though I don't feel bad per se, I still feel awkward with weak reactions. The place I was at was pretty depopulated because of the heat, so it took a while to hit the last 5 approaches. I also ran into a bunch of non-english speakers.

All in all a very good day.
On to Day 23!
 
Quick update: Just been working the past couple days. Will attempt the day 21 night drill again tomorrow. No response on a recent date option. Going back to the drawing board to improve my texting/communication skills. I know I'm lacking there. I'll get better photos when I can!
 
https://youtu.be/M_9NPucOgNw

Dunno if I've said this before, but Low Self-Esteem is just a bad habit. But I'll get to that in a sec. I went out again for night drill 21. No attempts today. Might consider getting tipsy before I try, who knows. I was a bit more loose tonight, though. Asked a couple girls for the time. There was one girl who I held eye contact with on my way downstairs. So much so that she tripped, and I said "Watch your step." We both laughed.

And lastly, on my way back to my car, I waved at a girl with shades on at night. Instead of my first instinct, which would've been to ask "wHy wOUld yOu wHeRe sHAdes aT NIght?", I did something a bit more amusing to myself and waved at her as if she were blind. She smiled and waved back. I went "Oh, okay," and smiled pretending it was a surprise she could see me.

Bit by bit, I'm becoming more comfortable at night. I wore more comfortable clothes, I could feel out more comfortable venues for myself, though I didn't drink at any of them. I mostly found empty spots to chill at, or look at the night sky.

But the one thing that struck me was that I do not necessarily feel great fear or anxiety overwhelming me. It's much more subtle than that. These actions are that of one who has practiced a steady regiment of low self-esteem for YEARS. To a physiological level. From my thoughts, words, actions, to the clothes I wore, the very food I ate and what I chose to buy with my money, all of this has added up to the mentality of a low self-esteem artist guy.

As I walked back to my car it also struck me that I must conquer this college town on a social level. And that is only level ONE. This entire saga of completing drills and beating AA, eventually getting laid on a regular basis, getting in with all the college hoes and setting up a DOPE social circle/network so that my cousin can come in under my wing and SLAY out here...

...is all just level one.

All the clothes, cologne and room fixtures I'm buying are basically my armor, weapons, and elixirs for this level of the game. It's not like I'll stay in this location forever, but mastering social skills in this current context seems well with in my reach for the next few years.

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep trucking along with the drills, and find a way to re-approach online dating by improving texting/date setups. I'm willing to slow down some to improve bit by bit!

On to day 23!
 
MFbag said:
Stay motivated boss. I keep my eye on this thread
By the way bro your teeth are so white its beautiful. You use any whitening products? I need my teeth to look like yours
Click to expand...

Ayyy thanks bro!

NAH my teeth ain't that white, my room light is just yellowish, haha. I bought whitening strips just the other day I haven't used yet.
I brush with Crest Deep Clean Whitening daily.
 
https://youtu.be/o6YYc8PL9Bs

I'll go over the past couple days, then the drill.

I've taken some time out for myself the past two days. Hung out with my buddy yesterday. Today, I just chilled at my place, studying up on fat loss and introspecting. I enjoy the fact that I live with my best friend, in a great house with low rent. I have great new clothes that fit me well, my room is DOPE, has a great light setup, games, comics/manga and computer/tv set up. I can't wait to bring girls by.

Now all of a sudden, I want a motorcycle. NOT FOR THE LADIES (but it couldn't hurt). I saw a Suzuki GS500e for $1400 on the side of the rode a few houses down from my place and something told me to call the owner. I'm gonna do some research today and go see him tomorrow. Maybe knock down the price. I never in my life saw myself owning a motorcycle, but here we are.

Do you ever feel like certain items "light up" on your radar as you go through life? Things you never thought you'd be interested in just come into view. Like a great shirt at a shop, or life-changing youtube vid?

This motorcycle is like that. It doesn't look the best, but it's certainly a start.

THE DRILL:
Was not hard, it just took a while to get done. I was in an area in Austin with a lot of cute girls around. The first few interactions were a mix of awkward and funny. I asked girls if they knew the way to Sesame St. pretty straightforward for the most part. No jokey tone, unless I was feeling it. I asked two women at first, who thought I was talking about a real street. They said they didn't know and were from Massachusetts.

Another woman I asked in Whole Foods, said she did not know and called over a stock boy to help. He asked me what I was looking for and I said "uh...sesame seeds" :?
Fuck me.
He tried to help, but I didn't buy anything.

Another woman tried really hard to help me because I told her I was actually looking for a real life Sesame St. in Austin. She went into her phone and everything, lol. We found a place called Sesame Hill. "Close enough" I said.

I asked another woman and she just stared at me funny and I cracked a smile as she slowly got the joke. Lots of interactions like that. A lot of people thought I was looking for a real place. I started to smile and say "if you know, you know" so the women would get it. I'd also say, "don't give me a real answer" and smile to hint that it was a joke.

Most notable interaction for the day was a conversation I had with a girl about the book she was reading. It was the Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. Good book. I still asked her about Sesame St., then we chatted a little while before I left. It's becoming much easier to talk to women about anything really. These drills give me an inroad, whether it is just asking for the time, or saying the first thing to pop into my mind. I can just go up and say anything it's no longer a dead end!

I haven't done any online dating lately, though. I wanted to focus on myself for a bit before I got back to it. I need to change my strategy. Too many flakes as of late.

On to day 24!
 
Upstart said:
https://youtu.be/M_9NPucOgNw

Dunno if I've said this before, but Low Self-Esteem is just a bad habit. But I'll get to that in a sec. I went out again for night drill 21. No attempts today. Might consider getting tipsy before I try, who knows. I was a bit more loose tonight, though. Asked a couple girls for the time. There was one girl who I held eye contact with on my way downstairs. So much so that she tripped, and I said "Watch your step." We both laughed.
Click to expand...

Making eye contact with a girl and after she trips saying "watch your step" is hilarious. Keep pushing bro.
 
roykingatx said:
Making eye contact with a girl and after she trips saying "watch your step" is hilarious. Keep pushing bro.
Click to expand...

'Preciate it, man! A year ago, this would be impossible for me. Baby steps!
 
QUICK UPDATE:

Today I made preparations to buy a used motorcycle.

Until yesterday, the thought never even crossed my mind.
I have never before mentioned wanting a motorcycle, either to myself my friends or my family, but when I saw it, I just knew.

I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow.

It doesn't make sense. I don't have much funds left from my savings. I don't have a job, and my actions are becoming harder to predict.

Still gonna do drill 24 today.

What adventures lie ahead on this motorcycle? Who knows!
 
https://youtu.be/pNQ6dV8fwUM

Today's drill was very simple! It just took a little while.

I actually wanted to quit and come back another day after 3 reps, but decided, "fuck it, let's continue".

I warmed up with time drills as usual and then dove right in.
Mostly pleasant interactions today. Most women I asked said, "I don't know." or "Dunno, my birthday is next year" or some such. Usually I'd just leave right after, but for the ones who asked "Why?" I said "because I'm doing a survey for my sister/mom's gift."
Worked like a charm. Most women would then understand and give me a thoughtful answer or decent convo.

There was only one older lady who I tried to speak to who did not want to talk at all. She shook her head slightly and left. Seemed very nervous to me, but it was alright. I just moved on to the next. I talked to 10 women in three different stores. Some cute, some very cute and one who was literally deaf. She spoke like the girl from this anime called A Silent Voice.

I absolutely forgot to add the challenge response, (for real this time!) but oh, well.

I'm getting an ominous feeling about week 5 as Chris says it will be much harder...

Online messaging is getting easier, but the flake rate is still high. I don't even know if care anymore. Sticking my dick in something seems so close yet so far away it almost doesn't feel worth it! But I'mma keep going to see what all the hype is about.
Beats jerking off and playing video games all day, so there's that.

I still don't have a job and I'm about to get a motorcycle. What is my life?
 
Update: Just sealed the deal on my BRAND NEW 1990 Suzuki GS500e!
It just needs new wheels, chain, and an odometer cover, but other than that (and having two previous owners) completely new!

MFbag said:
1500 for a motorcycle is extremely cheap. Is that the down payment and youre financing it? If the whole bike only costs 1500 its either a piece of junk or youre really getting the value of a lifetime.
Click to expand...

I would lean more towards the latter, and I was really trying to find any reason NOT to buy the bike, but I looked online for a checklist of every dealbreaker, but everything checked out, goddammit! :|

Plus, the guy lives two doors down from me, so there's that. He even threw in a helmet and gloves.

No drills today, no dates from online. Continuing with day 25 tomorrow. I'll post pics of the bike as well.
 
https://youtu.be/a7zuwQJSVpk

Been feeling down about online dating to the point I'm not even excited for it anymore.

BUT I just got some CRUCIAL advice that will help me set things up much better from now on.

3 things:

1. SWIPE as much as POSSIBLE on each of the apps.
2. REPLY as SOON as possible to each of the girls. If you reply to one, reply to all.
3. REENGAGE old/cold leads. Try a wildly different tone in the message. There is NOTHING to lose, and some girls just forget you in the metric shit-ton of messages they get on the daily.

In short, I just haven't been trying that hard, TBH. My options either fizzle out, or don't look great, which doesn't make me excited to go out. But fuck it, I'll do it for the exp and try to have fun with it. DEF gonna try these tips out!

I actually called up a lead today and have a date for Tuesday next week. She sent me a Rose on Hinge so she's definitely interested. Possible red flag: She's a single mother, but no point in being picky rn.

THE DRILL:

This one normally would've taken a day at the most, but ended up taking two. Dunno why. I almost even quit today as well, but I just went for it. First day, I only did one rep and went home! Second day, I did one rep and went to my car, recharged and dove back into the same store I just left, banged out 8 in that location, then did the remaining 7 in three other locations near each other.

Responses were generally positive/confused. I kept a good smile and most women just assumed it was a joke. I'm getting better at making others feel more comfortable upon approach.

I still had this weird nervous energy the whole way through. Like the first time doing the full ABC drill. I started with the time drills - as usual - to warm up. This took a couple hours to finish.

Pics of my motorcycle + helmet below! Runs well, just gotta fix her up a bit.
 
Quick Update: Been helping my uncle move out for the past couple days, so no drills. Reminded me of my moving truck days. Gonna get a haircut tomorrow, and attempt day 26 MAYBE. It's got me sweatin' a li'l bit, ngl. I'm also trying a free Jiu Jitsu class with my buddy, and Tuesday I finally have a fucking DATE. The girl actually message me first on Hinge, so it's looking like a strong lead. I've already called her to set it up and now all that's left to do is go see her!
 
Update: Went out to the gym and then to Jiu Jitsu class with my buddy. Seemed kinda gay looking at first, but it wasn't bad for a free lesson.

Got a date tomorrow! Very strong lead. I've set the time and place, so we're good. Also started OkCupid and Plenty of Fish accounts yesterday. Haven't swiped much yet, but they have the same fuckery as Tinder and Bumble hiding potential matches behind paywalls. Get fucked, you apps! :| But whatever, I ain't paying!

Saw some cute girls while I was out with my buddy today. They're starting to migrate back to town for the new school year. 8-) Did some simple time drills on them as my usual go-to. I am seriously NOT trying to hit on girls until I finish this program. Only online hoes.

I may have a job opportunity lined up soon. I'm gonna do a sample for them to see if I get hired on. Hopefully, I get it, but if not, I ain't worried. Ain't no reason to be.
WHY?

Because I had the sudden realization one night:

I could either WORRY about my financial situation, or walk in complete CONFIDENCE and excitement about my next move.

Which do you think leads to a more interesting and compelling outcome?

Getting a haircut tomorrow!
 
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