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Vizzy's Progress Log

DAY 16 Things I did today (Thursday)

1 – Clocked in on time.
2 – Crushed it at work.
3 – spent most of the evening resting at home. I made peace with not working on my goals as much tonight in order to focus on reducing my pain level and realized that I've been beating myself up too much over some stuff. I needed to calm down about so many things and had some success in doing so.
 
DAY 17 Things I did today (Friday)

1 – Clocked in on time
2 – deleted more songs that remind me of my ex in a negative way.
3 – Got essential groceries.
4 — I went to a few random places in the town i work in and chatted with workers about places to rent in town and what food places have comfortable seating same with bars. This is something I've tried and been needing to do for a long time but my social anxiety has been a tough barrier. It was so random today when I parked by a few businesses. I was like “go talk to the worker in there about these things” . I did it and was like “ah that wasn't too bad. I wonder if the person at this other business has some information too” In total I chatted with three random workers at separate businesses before my social anxiety kicked back in really hard to where I went home. This was kind of a big deal and meant alot to me with pushing through my social anxiety.
5 – Journaled
6 – Relaxed and watched Netflix before bed.
7 — Kept a positive attitude at work even though the fact that I forgot my airpods and apple watch at home was eating at me trying to bring my mood down.
 
DAY 18 Things I did today (Saturday)

1– Woke up at 8 out of bed by 8:30. Took mom to drop her car off to get detailed for her Mother’s day present.
2 – Spent a couple hours outside getting some sun and detailing my car.
3 — Cleaned a lot and did laundry.
4 – Went to Verizon to pick up and activate my new phone for their service. (no more god awful T-mobile signal killing my productivity and mood when I’m on my phone.)
5 – I jammed to music and had a very upbeat positive productive vibe today. No doubtedly from sleeping 10:30pm to 8am.
6 -- I spent an hour or more on the laptop working on a personal project.
 
DAY 19 Things I did today (Sunday)

1 – Got a good night's sleep and was out of bed by 9am.
2 – Left the electronics inside while I sat outside for the first couple hours of the day to enjoy the stormy weather.
3 – Walk on the treadmill for an hour.
4 – Made a new email on the new phone and configured it more to my preferences.
5 – Went to pick up my new laptop I ordered a week ago.
6 – Set up the laptop at best, buy and install some antivirus software.
7 – Spent some time researching macros and how to use the myfitnesspal app again (it kicked my ass in the past which deterred me from ever using it again)
8 — Went shopping for healthier foods. (i'm gonna try to lose weight again like i did successfully last year)
9 – Journalled
 
DAY 20 Things I did today (Monday)

1 – Clocked in on time (barely)
2 – Had a good day at work despite how easily I could have let it be a bad one.
3 – Worked on setting up my new phone.
4 – Set up an appointment to get my front windows tinted.
5 – Went to a doctor's appointment.
6 – Picked up meds from the pharmacy
7 – journalled 430 words
8 – Worked on the budget (It’s fucked right now)
 
DAY 21 Things I did today (Tuesday)

1 – Clocked in 50 minutes late for the dumbest reason. Legit stuck in a dream in a black bubble yelling at my physical self in bed to wake up and I couldn't escape. I cannot express the depth in feeling of being controlled and trapped by someone else in that dream. It affected my entire day despite doing my positive mindframe exercises.
2 — Work was hell for work reasons and my pain level with my neck condition was higher than it had in the last week or more but I kept my composure and kept on keeping on.
3 – journalled a small amount.
4 – Focused on resting and lowering my pain level all night.
 
DAY 22 Things I did today (wednesday)

1 – Clocked in on time
2 – Went through the motions at work.
3 – Journalled
4 – Called a new dentist to set an appointment. Insurance wasn’t in their network so I called insurance about it.
5 – Focused on resting and lowering my pain level at home tonight just like yesterday. I’m not sure why the neck has been more of a problem recently. I’ve kept up doing all my preventative activities and haven’t done anything major to flare it up. Could have just slept on it wrong. I forgot that happens sometimes.
 
DAY 23 things I did today (thursday)

1 — Clocked in on time
2 – Had a decent day at work. Neither slacked off or crushed it.
3 – Went in depth taking notes on a youtube video regarding social networking. It opened my eyes in so many ways to social interaction. My social anxiety has dropped significantly since watching it and I even went out and had conversations with 8 different strangers at different locations in just a 1 hour period of time! I know that isn’t anything crazy but now I have subjects and phrases to ask people that pertain to my life and their life in a less weird or creepy kind of way. That's how I’ve always felt when talking to strangers but not as much anymore and feeling those ways has been a ginormous barrier to socializing for me on the mental side of things.
4 – Got my front two windows tinted on my car to the legal limit of 35% in my state. They aren’t super dark like the back ones (20%) but it’s better than nothing.
5 -- Journalled
6 -- Focused on resting and lowering my pain level after I got home late today.
 
DAY 24 things I did today (friday)

1 — clocked in on time
2 – made a series of phone calls to resolve an issue for my parents regarding an appliance they have under warranty.
2— Made several phone calls to various dentists in the area to see if my insurance is in their network and to schedule an appointment. Finally found one and made an appointment.
3– Messaged several friends asking if they will spend some time helping me go to clothing stores to try on outfits as well as take pictures of me in my current one or two good outfits. I offered to pay but nobody was interested.
4 — Made two phone calls to catch up with friends I haven’t talked to in several months.
5 – Went grocery shopping.
6 – Got gas, cleaned windshield, and minorly detailed my car.
7 – I spent more time looking at the style guide @KYIL website and wrote down a few specific items that I need to go out and find that fit correctly.
8 — Got a haircut with a before and after video for future reference.
 
DAY 25 things I did today (Saturday)

1 – Fell asleep at 10 last night. I made myself sleep until 9:15am. I woke up several times this morning and had trouble falling back asleep. Got out of bed at 9:30, ate breakfast and did all the usual morning routine but then immediately got on the computer to work on stuff.
2 – Cleaned a lot.
3 – organized, transferred, and worked on a lot of stuff with my new phone.
4 – Journalled 527 words
5 – Finally figured out the problem with my posts in the forums and posted all the forums that I hadn't had since day 14.
6 – worked on several personal projects on the computer.
7 – Walked on the treadmill for a total of 2 hours.
8 – ate healthy all day. Dinner and later tonight is yet to be determined.

I'm posting this before I leave for the night to go socialize in a town 30 minutes away. I’m going solo and won't be drinking. I haven’t done this before and consider this the next big challenge in my goal towards being less socially anxious and making new connections. I’m nervous but oddly at peace at the same time. Basically I just know that no matter what happens it is not going to be a bad night. It’s going to be a good one.
 
Fuck I guess I forgot to post day 26 yesterday. I wrote it all but forgot to post. Probably just wanted to proof read it more.

DAY 26 things I did today (Sunday)
1– got home at 2:30am and slept in til 11:30am.
2 – Speed walked on the treadmill for 1.5 total hours.
3 – Kept up my high spirits from last night, jammed to music all day.
4 – Had a great time in town running various errands. Groceries, lunch, carwash, walking.
5 – Laundry, cleaning the house.
6 – focused on relaxing and lowering my pain level after dinner.
7 – Journalled 1,279 words.

Last night was a fucking slam dunk SUCCESS. It was amazing. I don't even know where to start to just put a brief bullet point list for the forum. I'm not about to copy paste the stuff I've already written. At 11:20pm an old friend let me in THE CLUB of the town when i was walking by. This is the most popular club in town with the biggest reputation and an occupancy of 500 people. I skipped in front of probably 50 people in line. Inside I saw another old friend across the bar. He came over and told me to come with him to play pool in the back. He informed me all his friends stayed home because they got so fucked up the night before and he spent 800$ total, 500$ of it at a strip club outside of town. He came out by himself and said “Fuck it I have to go do SOMETHING tonight”. It's the exact same mentality I had going into the evening. We get to the table, put the quarter down and wait two games to play. There wasn’t any chalk so that made it interesting. Long story short we won all 3 games and I was in god mode the entire time. I'm not that great at pool but I'm not bad by any means so it was crazy how I performed that well under this new foreign insane level of intensity and pressure in that setting with countless people surrounding me. It was unlike anything I've experienced in the last two years. There’s a punch machine in the corner by the pool table so all night groups of people were coming back just to punch the machine. It was hilarious and so many crazy things happened at that damn thing. I talked and laughed with countless people. ALL WHILE SOBER TOO. I even approached 20 girls that were not at the pool table just to chat and try to flirt with. 7 or 8 of them actually flirted back and we had short little exchanges in conversation but most of them at least said one or two things and were polite. I wasn't obviously hitting on them or anything but I can't believe some genuinely flirted and bantered back. Whether they were drunk or sober I'm not sure but yeah. LAST NIGHT WAS A FUCKING SUCCESS. This is what I needed and what I’ve slowly been working towards. I have a feeling it's off to the races for me now.
 
DAY 27 Things I did today (Monday)

1 – Clocked in on time
2 – Went straight home from work. To be productive. No lollygagging.
3 – worked on a couple personal projects
4 – Laundry. Cleaned
5 – speed walked on the treadmill
6 – Called various bars at the town I work in to see where the pool tables are.
 
DAY 28 Things I did today (Tuesday)

1 – Clocked in on time
2 – Crushed it at work. Tons of extra exercise today.
3 – Played 2 games of pool solo to practice and implement a few things I learned on youtube today.
4 – cleaned.
5- went to dr’s appointment
6 – jounralled
 
I'm terrible at this and haven't posted since day 28. I kept writing stuff down every day but haven't posted and I'm actually on day 43 right now so I'm going back and posting all my lists. I haven't and will not give up.

DAY 29 Things I did today (Wednesday)

1 — Clocked in on time
2 – Played a game of pool at a new place I discovered in the nearest town from home.
3 – Crushed it at work today. Stayed as positive as I could with the pain level all day.
4 – Focused on relaxing and lowering pain level at home all night.
5 – Journalled a couple sentences.
 
DAY 30 Things I did today (Thursday)

1 – Clocked in on time.
2 — Did okay at work today just tried to not be consumed by my pain level.
3 – Made several phone calls to doctors offices.
4 – Had a spontaneous CT scan today that had been pending for two months due to my work insurance being total cunts. The scan went terribly. I have a bad needle phobia and it took him 4 different inserts and poking around before he finally got the line in. I felt physically unwell but mentally I was fine afterwards.
5 – Went to the foot doctor shortly after. That was a cluster fuck on every level. Due to being in there so long my neck pain level shot through the fucking roof.
6 – Smoked and cruised around town in the rainy weather to raise my spirits, relax, and try to distract myself before going home.
7 – Focused on lowering my pain level and relaxing after I got home.
 
DAY 31 things I did today (Friday)

1 – Clocked in on time
2 – Survived work
3 – Went to the dmv to get my tags extended a month since they expire this weekend
4 – Got groceries and dinner.
5 – FINALLY MADE MYSELF TRY ON OVER A DOZEN PAIR OF SHORTS. I also purchased one pair. It's not perfect for style by any means but it will get me through the next night or two until I find more in another town. (Athletic shorts were all I had and those are no bueno in the clubs).
6 – Canceled my plan to go out for a couple hours tonight so I could stay home and focus on lowering my pain level and relax before the big 3 day weekend.
7 – Journalled only one sentence. Whoops
 
Day 32 things I did today. (Saturday)

1 – Tried to get as much sleep as possible overnight
2 – Immediately started knocking things off my to do list when I woke up.
3 – Journaled 700 words so far
4 – Made my plans and mission for the afternoon and logistics for the night out drinking at the bars.
 
DAY 33 things I did today (Sunday)

1 – I layed in bed all day recovering from last night’s extreme drinking activities. In the morning when I first woke up I was mission oriented and had the mentality of “I feel like death but I’m fine. I need to still be productive today” . After two hours of that, I realized that nothing is more important than rest and healing, especially considering my condition and body’s limitations in general.
2 – Took mom’s flat tire to walmart to get replaced
 
DAY 34 thing I did today (Monday) (Memorial Day)

1 – Went to town to pick up mom’s tire that I had replaced at walmart.
2 – Got gas, cleaned windshield, got trash out of car.
3 – Got some minor groceries.
4 – Went to the town where we drank saturday night to get all my stuff out of my friend's car.
5 – Had a decent lunch in town and tried to enjoy myself on the day off from work.
6 – Ordered a couple things from amazon that i have needed for quite some time now. Just never bit the bullet and bought them.
 
DAY 35 Things I did today (Tuesday)

1 – Clocked in 53 minutes late by choice. I could not fully wake up this morning for some reason. I was stumbling around walking into walls and almost falling down trying to get ready so I made myself sit down for a long time and wake up properly before leaving. Making it to work safely is more important than making it to work on time. Learned that lesson last year.

2 – Survived work

3 – Dove headfirst into researching various things that could pertain to my health problems. I gave up on this stuff a while back because of how negatively it impacted my life trying and trying to find answers or methods in which I can go about to help myself in this miserable process since all of the doctors and specialists and all that simply have not helped in the slightest. I’ve gotten better about not getting pissed at my “condition” but today I was triggered by a usual problem and became absolutely enraged to the “fuck it” mentality. I actually found some credible videos from the Stanford University Youtube page. I watched them all day long.

4 – Made a list of actions I can take right now to substantially improve my health in general, but also regarding doctors and starting a new path with new doctors.

5 – Focused on lowering my pain level and relaxing when I got home. Continued to think about the videos I watched and made more notes when I had a good idea.
 
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