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Wnyhg progress log

3/16 177/201/75.
AMRAP, circuit training with reps in the 20 range. Try to up the burn as I’m an endomorph. It’s still the same split routine but doubled. I’m going to start with doing a workout do some cardio and then swing back and repeat the workout. High set high rep. Its the goal until I’m stronger for something more.


I took another dose of mushrooms, I’m trying to be positive but it’s like my perceptions of reality are in-fact reality, I need to slow down and vaping isn’t cutting it. I think I know too much, I’ve trained myself to look at the forest rather the trees. I already know the trees. I’m starting to perseverate and it’s tough living where I am.

I had another buddy drop off a gift, they are socks. Dude. He says you can wear them indefinitely and not have them ever smell if they get wet. They are not wool, but some sort of polyester. He works as a handyman and I’ve helped him over the years with work around the house and money when he was short. He’s the guy you see on a motorized bicycle. Lol. He can fucking pull out a tree by its roots. He destroyed my dads front lawn for 50 bucks. I haven’t really gotten gifts in decades, I was always the one giving. Idk what’s going on.

So the two exercises that are helping me the most in weight loss are deadlifts (regular) and front squats, not back squats. The one food that has helped me in weight loss is believe it or not - carrots. My personal assessment outside of the little data I have is that dark chocolate may also help. I’ll use the chocolate when I have my diet under control and I can review the data over a longer period of time.

Weight 248. Ravi’s in the same boat i am. Hope he’s doing better.

I had a patient who talked to me about adultery once, she divorced because of it. Told me even before introducing ourselves that it wasn’t worth. Thats really bothering me right now. I’m not used to being celibate. At all. I feel Like I’m ready to be guillotined. Like someone is trying to set me up and I gotta shut up and play the part of a monk for as long as I can. I know some of the rules when it comes to the courtroom but.. I already proved right on this forum how dumb incan be.

The quickest way to success for me given my situation and I’ve seen the latest from Andy and his shorts, is to look good. That’s why I had to pop another dose. I’m like a homeschooled child about to be let loose on the world, I will have my ass handed to me if I’m not crossing my t’s and dotting my I’s. I know what’s up and I’m not losing anything to anybody. Except this fat and I need to get my ass into gear with exercise rather than flinching. I think im either going to get Radicals help or get a local professional shopper. There’s a guy in Florida that I might visit because he is a trained natural and married a woman who loves monogamy and threesomes. That’s not monogamy but I don’t care. He’s Indian, still has an accent and still sends out chicks to his friends to fuck because she doesn’t fit his bill to make a ménage. He has to be dressing well. My dude is definitely not built.

One of the best books I’ve read: Flinch. It’s free see attached files.

Moderator, the author wants everyone to read and pass this book around, any questions please read the intro in the book. Thank you.
 
Weight 249
Chest 46
R arm 15
L arm 15
"2"" above" 46
Belly 46
"2"" below" 44
Hips* 43
R thigh 24
L thigh 24
Height

Target Weekly Weight Change down 5
Other Activity? No
Training Time(s)
Calorie Budget (kcal)
Minimum Protein Target (g) 150(avoid gout)
Training Adherence this week improved, more soreness and a pulled muscle right shoulder
Sleep issues? (0-5) 3.
Stress issues? (0-5) 4
Hunger issues? (0-5) 0
Fatigue/lethargy? (0-5) 1

Arms up 0.5. Thighs down 1 inch. Lower belly down 1 inch.

Cottage cheese not an issue with weight gain and may be assisting in weight loss. I added nuts but need to restrict to only adding to the cottage cheese.

I’m desperate to add cardio. It’s obvious as anything can be that there is a lot of loose skin and loose flab. This is going to take awhile. I need triple 45s on the end of the barbell for deadlifts and more weight.

Workout this afternoon. I need to meditate and figure out my cardio before I start the coming week.

I made fish fry with only batter and canola, from now on I’m trying something drier and see if it helps.

post workout

Weighted pull downs 110/3/15
Hanging leg raises 3x 20
Deadlift 225/2
then 315 for 1 rep then 295 for 2
T bar row 135/6,115/9, 90/6
Lat pull downs 50/10, 80/3/8-8-6

Doing cardio was out of the question, I was getting ready to see stars.

The mushrooms are helping, or maybe it was this workout. I feel more sane now than I did yesterday.

Tomorrows leg day. Tonight I cook ground beef and meditate; thank god I found mushrooms. There are gifted individuals everywhere who have talents I don’t and it’s great that I am able to mingle and absorb some of their writings and encouragement. I didn’t get even this much growing up and in fact when I told relatives that I deadlifted 295 recently, their response was negative. Just very unhealthy for me. I wish they had supported me.

They enabled my sisters and making it difficult for me to progress mentally. It’s done, I’m responsible for myself, I’ve done well so far who says Andy won’t pick me up from the dust and ashes and get me my life back.

Onwards.
 
Looks like I might have to leave the gym. I don’t think I’ll be able to recover if they renege on my membership, even if they give my money back. But the stress is too much and I’m seeing some of the serious powerlifters have left the gym.

Not an issue, I’ve an app from Mark Lauren on Bodyweight exercises on my phone that I got before he went subscription based and I downloaded a few more. I’ve also got the rack and weights, the dip attachment the back hyperextension setup and tie straps that I used as a TRX setup. I’ve got a kicking bag/ punching bag and a bench of course.

I’ve started a protein mix at bedtime alongside an espresso. I wake up less sore and almost refreshed compared to when I don’t take it. This is alongside the magnesium and allopurinol intake for gout.

I feel much better, the wind chill is in the teens and being outside too long is not fun. The walks are on hold. But still the workouts are getting better, my stamina appears to be improving, I’ve defined recovery for my body and not needing to check my HR every morning. The difficulty is in realizing I need to do this solo pretty much until I establish a baseline for myself that radiates confidence and self comfort.

I did a quick search on whether I had serious mental issues that would need intervention or at least recognition. Nobody ever thinks they’re a narcissist or arrogant. Mushrooms adjust the biochemical properties in the brain in the short term, I fortunately don’t have narcissistic qualities but maybe grief and some anger that are radiating badly to people, almost scaring them, I think.

That’s why I may be having problems at the gym, it’s not the place to open up and they may have preconceived notions. Why didn’t I go direct with the women and why did I approach in the first place and did I get under skin instead of their kindness? I’m not going there, I need to fix myself. No excuses.

I might talk to the gym owner one last time, thank him, let him know I enjoyed my time there and bring up my situation and see what he says. Perceptions are everything, guys don’t lie as much. It may be a non issue, but in all my situations in the past, I was railroaded and never given an opportunity to make my side known.

I’ll do legs today. Back to free weights and maybe listening to Linkin Park or The Cure. I do better in silence, time had changed me.
 
Wnyhg said:
Looks like I might have to leave the gym. I don’t think I’ll be able to recover if they renege on my membership, even if they give my money back. But the stress is too much and I’m seeing some of the serious powerlifters have left the gym.

Not an issue, I’ve an app from Mark Lauren on Bodyweight exercises on my phone that I got before he went subscription based and I downloaded a few more. I’ve also got the rack and weights, the dip attachment the back hyperextension setup and tie straps that I used as a TRX setup. I’ve got a kicking bag/ punching bag and a bench of course.

I’ve started a protein mix at bedtime alongside an espresso. I wake up less sore and almost refreshed compared to when I don’t take it. This is alongside the magnesium and allopurinol intake for gout.

I feel much better, the wind chill is in the teens and being outside too long is not fun. The walks are on hold. But still the workouts are getting better, my stamina appears to be improving, I’ve defined recovery for my body and not needing to check my HR every morning. The difficulty is in realizing I need to do this solo pretty much until I establish a baseline for myself that radiates confidence and self comfort.

I did a quick search on whether I had serious mental issues that would need intervention or at least recognition. Nobody ever thinks they’re a narcissist or arrogant. Mushrooms adjust the biochemical properties in the brain in the short term, I fortunately don’t have narcissistic qualities but maybe grief and some anger that are radiating badly to people, almost scaring them, I think.

That’s why I may be having problems at the gym, it’s not the place to open up and they may have preconceived notions. Why didn’t I go direct with the women and why did I approach in the first place and did I get under skin instead of their kindness? I’m not going there, I need to fix myself. No excuses.

I might talk to the gym owner one last time, thank him, let him know I enjoyed my time there and bring up my situation and see what he says. Perceptions are everything, guys don’t lie as much. It may be a non issue, but in all my situations in the past, I was railroaded and never given an opportunity to make my side known.

I’ll do legs today. Back to free weights and maybe listening to Linkin Park or The Cure. I do better in silence, time had changed me.
Click to expand...

Why might you need to leave the gym?

I may have missed something. Did something happen there?
 
Nothing serious Ravi. I approached some of the female workers over the last few weeks. I had one of them clean up for me and I said a few things that may have been perceived as being inappropriate. One of them was vacuuming and looked at me like she was going to vacuum me, I couldn’t tell if she was being friendly, rebellious, and I completely ignored her anyways. Not good. Probably nothing will happen if I stayed, but it’s too much stress. When the wife approached, that was too much. I became cynical.

Most of my bad experiences have been because of woman. It’s always has been because of their perception of me. I’ll just leave it at that.

When I have made a partnership, and the practice management specialists recommend this, always have an exit strategy for both of you. In this case, I’ve got gear at home, my partner will be thrilled to not have to pay my membership and we can save time and money in the long run.

Just to let you know how ridiculous my life has been, I as a physician, have been fired from a doctors practice and received a letter by FedEx saying as much. They didn’t know I was a doc, that I knew more than the doc treating me and instead they fired me because of a misunderstanding over what I said. Looking back it’s the same perception I’m worried about at the gym.

Edit: I’m at the gym and I spoke with one of the female workers. We’re good but I’m still leaving. Thanks for your post Ravi. It let me address my issue correctly.
 
I’ve woken up the last two days with the driest mouth ever. Actually woke me up. I couldn’t move and realized that I’m extremely dehydrated. It was the same issue back when I had a bike coach and we’d be doing indoor training.

Recovery day. I did front squats, leg extensions 4/-90/15-20. Leg presses on different machines before and after, yesterday.

I’m going to start working on metacognition. Also known as self awareness. from better emotional regulation to more focus and discipline and overall happiness and well-being. It’s the root of all personal improvement.

I’m already journaling off my cell phone. Flowing thoughts and all. I’ve started meditating just before sunset. My bro will hopefully swing by and I can get some emotions and feelings out around sensitive areas of my life. I’m pretty vulnerable right now but happy because even though I woke up with a dry mouth, I knew what routine I was going to do and then go out and put in my 10000 steps.

3/18 protein 160 carbs 186 fats 67
3/19 131 carbs 8.6 fats 54
Weight 247 most definitely water loss

03/18 1985 kCals
03/17 3132 kCals
03/16 2186 kCals
03/15 2233 kCals
03/14 1499 kCals
03/13 2134 kCals
03/12 1826 kCals

Plan for today is to finish the gallon low fat milk before it goes bad. Lol, Priorities. Talk to my bro, walk 10000 steps. Hydrate, I tried a little OJ with the water which is cheaper than the electrolyte fizz but you have to keep the Nalgene bottle really clean with the OJ, really ruins the taste of water.

Oh, I’m going to try and quit vaping. I’ve quit smoking journaling all this over the last few weeks. I’d love to get my teeth done and a better haircut rather than me using a 5 mm all around.

Idk if people are reading my stuff, Ravi is. I’d like to thank Andy and Ravi for allowing me to journal on this forum, it’s allowed me to be somewhat accountable. The note from Andy about LSD pushed me to get the mushrooms, some of the best money I’ve ever spent and now his recommendations for walking 12+ hours a day is something I aspire to. I already knew it but I’ve gotten the proof with him through his article.

I want to write about women but to anyone reading this, it’s not rocket science. It’s true, work on yourself, the results will come. It’s true, patience Is a virtue. The word frame keeps coming to my mind. I’ve not been able to find someone as a mentor or guide, most have been negative with the experiences I’m going through, I’ve already written it. Let’s go.
 
Wnyhg said:
Nothing serious Ravi. I approached some of the female workers over the last few weeks. I had one of them clean up for me and I said a few things that may have been perceived as being inappropriate. One of them was vacuuming and looked at me like she was going to vacuum me, I couldn’t tell if she was being friendly, rebellious, and I completely ignored her anyways. Not good. Probably nothing will happen if I stayed, but it’s too much stress. When the wife approached, that was too much. I became cynical.

Most of my bad experiences have been because of woman. It’s always has been because of their perception of me. I’ll just leave it at that.

When I have made a partnership, and the practice management specialists recommend this, always have an exit strategy for both of you. In this case, I’ve got gear at home, my partner will be thrilled to not have to pay my membership and we can save time and money in the long run.

Just to let you know how ridiculous my life has been, I as a physician, have been fired from a doctors practice and received a letter by FedEx saying as much. They didn’t know I was a doc, that I knew more than the doc treating me and instead they fired me because of a misunderstanding over what I said. Looking back it’s the same perception I’m worried about at the gym.

Edit: I’m at the gym and I spoke with one of the female workers. We’re good but I’m still leaving. Thanks for your post Ravi. It let me address my issue correctly.
Click to expand...

I think you're overthinking this interaction in the gym, based on previous unfortunate instances.

Keep training in the gym Doc.

You need the structure and focus.

You need to be in a space where you can better yourself.

Being at home, you're in your bubble, stuck with your own thoughts.

Your best thinking got you where you are.

Your goal is to get in shape. Lean. Attractive. You can smash this goal, and spend the next few years enjoying a great life, and getting what you're looking for.

But it will require going outside your comfort zone.

My 2c

-Ravi
 
Another rest day. I feel like shit. I’ve drank almost a gallon of water and my body is more limber and my mouth less parched, climbing stairs is a bitch cause of the soreness. I’m still putting in the steps, it’ll help with the soreness, weather is better and the sun is out.

About 5000 steps yesterday. Weight is 248. 3/20 protein on 160 carbs 154 fats 105.
Zahan Billaria is a mountain guide who almost died in an avalanche. This is his quote when he thought about his kids and wife, ”You can’t curl up in a ball and you cannot accept the situation’s outcome because it hasn’t happened yet. Even when it feels so inevitable that this is insurmountable, whatever you’re most afraid of, it has not happened yet. So you have got to fight. You’ve just got to use all of your faculties and put them to the task, and you might just survive.”

My goal in the coming month is to lose 10 lbs. I’ve got to keep cooking and making awesome stuff, I’m going to be adding calisthenics to work on mobility especially my shoulders.
 
So I developed scurvy. That’s vitamin C deficiency. Treated with twin multivitamins and poof gum swelling gone. I’ve been pushing the veggies and protein for so long and intentionally avoided a MVIN thinking the veggies would be enough when fresh. Well, there you go, take your multivitamin.

Weight 249.

3/20 protein 157 carbs 135 fats 105
3/21 130/129/29

The truth by Neil Strauss and No more Mr. Nice guy by Robert Glover have been therapeutic in my goal of self-awareness and self improvement. It’s almost painful enough for me to close the book or stop listening.

Workout

Dips 2/15-5 with band
Bench press 135/2/10-6
Close grip bench press Bar/2/10
Diamond push-ups barely one

I was able to get 4 pull-ups with a band. Still some work to do on the rear deltoids and lat to be able to clean the bar with my jaw.

I’m going back to the basics, that is bench presses, rows, push-ups, squats, raises, dips.

There’s a definite change in my body composition even more so. A little too much TMI, but I can see my underbelly. My clothing is loose and with the addition of a Mg pill, water and lots of rest, I feel great.
 
Still sick. Tried to do some calisthenics and couldn’t last 5 minutes. Belly started cramping up and I’ve been downing multivitamins, I can’t really chew anything well.

Found a workout that promotes the basics:

Workout A
Barbell Squats
Dips
Barbell Bench Press
Incline Dumbbell Bench Press
Tricep Push Down
Hanging Leg Lifts/or bicycles

Workout B

Barbell Squats
Straight Leg Deadlifts
Chin-ups
Barbell Press (perform standing)
Seated Bent Over Rear Delt Raise
T-Bar Row
Bicep Curl (straight bar)

It’s pouring and raining since this morning but I walked over to the store and picked up chicken breast. Could not have gotten that many steps.

Weight today is 249.

Difficulty with eating because of scurvy and maybe some gum infection. Call out to my doc and keep up with the multivitamins.

I started TRT awhile ago, turns out it’s supposed to be weekly dosing and not every two weeks. I’m on 140 mg every 2 weeks. I’ve an appt with the doc soon, maybe despite the nutrition I’m needing weekly dosing, I mean Half life is 5-7 days not 14 days. So I’m suffering the consequences of inadequate dosing with sickness. Better fix this now than later.
 
Bought some BCAAs that Chris recommended, further reading show the most important amino is Leucine which is responsible for initiating protein synthesis. So I went looking for a whey or BCAA with more than 2.5 grams per 25 gram scoop. Lo and behold there’s a company that sells BCAAs in bulk right on Amazon. I got the 2:1:1 ratio. Otherwise Dymatize whey looks the most legit.

Back squats 135/3/6
Dips 0/3/6
Bench press 135/3/6
Close grip bench press 20/3/10
V up 3/10

It’s been while since I did the squat my quads were getting stretched going down, should be back up pushing 250 lbs in a week or two.

Live and learn. I’m reading about all the guys pulling and finger banging chicks and I’m here waiting for my wife to make a move. Lol. I haven’t laid much attention to her situation, but it doesn’t look like her brothers are supporting her any longer and there’s no people going in and and out of that house. (She’s a block over), I pass it every day. My family still talks to her but as the therapist would say “ if she doesn’t bring the issues to your doorstep, it isn’t your problem.” I would strongly recommend that no one get married or at least without a prenup.

Weight 247. Diet is limited to 150 protein carbs 147 and fats 55, I need to add another meal to get my calorie estimate of 2008 and a protein macro of 180 grams. But I’m so stuffed at the end of the day.
 
Weight 246.5
I still have some scurvy, difficult to eat and especially drink my cappuccinos. I’ve been pushing steps in the cold and my pedometer shows an improvement from 2000 steps to 5000 + steps. I’ve been trying to get a workout in here and there with the sleep issues imagine waking up with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth and stuffing my face as best as I can with veggies and real food.

Lo and behold, I picked up a massive cold. Still trudging around but I’ve put the workouts on hold and am keeping a close eye on diet to steer me through these times.

I’m stilll documenting because, you know, the good and bad. I’m not giving up, I’ve got to be sensible and rest up.

The other issue that came to mind is why I don’t use creatine. It’s been proven to work for muscle building. I had some but it gives my muscles a queasy feeling that is uncomfortable. I was using 5 mg scoop and still had issues.

Weight is down almost 3 lbs this week. About 1 lb in the last day. It’s not fluids, I’m drinking water.

Slowly but surely.

Updated avatar. Photo taken today
 
Weight 245.3

I think a lot of this is the effects of testosterone. Because I’ve started to limit food, I make sure that I intake some BCAAs in the am even before getting up from bed.

My sister in law knows I’m alone and sick so for the last few days she’s had her kid send over home cooked meals at night. Calzones, biryani, spring rolls and samosas. I’ve never had a samosa with chicken breast in it and she’s got it down. I’m also grateful cause the I don’t have to cook.

I am seeing people more successful than me at tasks I’d love to master. For a time I wanted infield audios, coaching from a master powerlifter, hang out with one of the bigger party animals in the area and now I just want silence. Some times practice makes perfect and you can’t rely on others to fix your issue. Something isn’t making sense. Long term effects? Am I really content the way I am? For now if I think about it, the mushrooms have allowed me to rewire my brain to post college life and the crazy lifestyle mindset my wife and I had and there is some work to be done before I’m there. Hence the need for silence in order to adapt. It’ll be quicker once the new foundation is made because I’m in no mood to fake it until I make it.

I hate golf and I hate tennis.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with some teens. Like 16-18 year olds and they have limiting beliefs that they can’t build muscle, they can’t be happy, how many times did I see each of them reach for their Apple Watch or cell phone; that wasn’t my life. Oh no. I was all over the place. Eventually I couldn’t help but open my mouth and say “Don’t be afraid to put the effort in and be the black sheep, just like me.” One of the other older dudes there mentions to me that no you’re not a black sheep. You’re following the exact footsteps of such and such and he mentioned the name of some insanely pious and religious dude. That shut me up pretty good. Does he know where I go online to post my weight loss journey? Lol.

That’s why I need silence. Pussy won’t cut it, money isn’t cutting it, there’s got to be something to live for.

When I got home I basically meditated. I don’t understand what he sees, but if I can lose another 50 lbs or so maybe I will be different.

This goes against what society tells us, doesn’t it? What if you’re doing it knowingly? Is it cowardice and patience to wait for everything to settle?

Goal weight 169.
 
Good

Keep dropping weight

The next version of you will be ripped and have so much wisdom, gathered from your life and experiences

You can suceed

First mission is fat loss

Now show them how its done

MAC
 
Wnyhg said:
That’s why I need silence. Pussy won’t cut it, money isn’t cutting it, there’s got to be something to live for.
Click to expand...

Self-improvement is different for everyone. You're a bit older than the majority of guys here so it's normal that we have different goals and views. I think it's pretty damn cool that you are doing this because 99.99999% of 50+ men will use the excuse that they're too old. You will be proving them wrong.

Wnyhg said:
I hate tennis.
Click to expand...

Don't say that haha. Tennis is dope 8-)
 
My minds exhausted and it quit yesterday. Weight 246. Waist down to 45.

Ok, there’s nothing going on but fuck this. I’m miserable, I’m drowning, I’m suffering, I’m broken but I’m not going anywhere. Hopefully my mind wil start to xpand and start growing knowing I’m not messing around.

I’m open to going back to the gym but I think the social disconnect has been enough that any dissonance will fix itself at the end. Right now, weight loss.

I’ll do squat, stiff legged deadlifts, chin-ups, military press, bent over delt raises, T bar rows and barbell curls today.

I found a coach, an older guy. Divorced and the whole bit. He’s into young party girls, fashion and he’s been a sports coach for while and I need someone closer to me that I can visit because I’m a tactile and need direct guidance. I’m into church girls who can be converted to slutism. I’ve noticed the church going ones wearing glasses are unbelievably more into BDSM and bodily enjoyment than any model I’ve met. Or something like that. I remember the day my wife said that I can do anything to her as long as I keep her covered. RU kidding me? Why i immediately thought of lighter blankets is beyond me.

He lives closer to me like about 400 miles, and I definitely need wardrobe assistance. I don’t have it anymore.

My mind is back to expanding. Time to move.
 
Bad weather. Gout attacks. Lousy diet being sick. Weight is hovering around 246 and I’m getting ready for gravel riding since MTB is a bit away from all the rain.

It’s a bit frustrating and I’m coping.
Once I’m back up , I’ll follow the carnivore diet and pick up on cardio. I need to bring the weight down soon. I’m going to need to do it quickly with some diminishment in the protein intake, this gout is really a demotivating disease.

Also, I’ve noticed more and more people are not ethically revealing their herpes diagnosis. Hence the higher incidence of colorectal cancer although HPV is probably playing a serious role. Despite all the screening going with scopes. HIV in my area is being mainly spread via younger woman.

And in my textbooks it’s just a blurb. It’s called HIV negative lymphocytic leucopenia. Basically, HIV without the HIV. ITS BRUTAL.

the first case was a young married Christian man, pretty fucked up dynamics with the wife. She was all over him. He looked like one of those Mormons going door to door. We caught his paramour sneaking through the back of the hospital. He’s dead. Cryptococcal meningitis. Right from the get go.

The other was a bar maid or server with only 4 lifetime partners.

Please always wear condoms. It’s bad enough you can’t even trust your wife or husband. There’s always different cleaners with alcohol on them that you can use to clean your junk.

You already probably have herpes of the oral type. But use listerine and make sure there’s no open lesions or sores and take a shower after using some betadine and/or alcohol based cleaner.

Not fear mongering. Just a reminder.
 
Weight down 243.7. Down 3 lbs this last week.

Quirks to weight loss I’ve learned so far.

1. Drink lots of water. If you’re 50 and over like me, guess what you’re going to be doing all nite. Ha.

2. Empty stomach cardio. Late nite protein. Every 3-4 days finish off an ice cream 1/2gallon or some trail mix before bedtime. Ice cream gave me energy for the workout the next morning and brought up the calories in a day. Obviously I felt a significant loss of weight and composition when putting my pants on and my muscles weren’t as sore. This is only if you’re lifting heavy.

3. Walking or running. at least 7500 steps. Put in a nice 2 hour walk or run on the weekend or just bike.
4. Veggies shouldn’t be over cooked and eat a lot of cabbage, carrots, mushrooms and broccoli.
5. Keep your protein intake above 160 grams.
6. The only fruit that has helped me lose weight and that I’ve enjoyed are green grapes preferably chilled.
7. Empathize with yourself and with everyone around you.
8. Magnesium sulfate or oxide tablet. Provided no heart issues or kidney disease. Also a MVI. For some reason the food we eat isn’t containing enough nutrients. Makes no sense or I’m just not eating enough.

I’m not enough in shape to take out my single speed cyclocross bike with a 48x 16 setup. It’s still cold and I’m not strong for the hills but soon. It’s going to be me and cows and manure and foxes and being out there in the beautiful farmland. Then the MTB starts probably late may.

I’m getting looks. I’m not pursuing them because of logistics and some of my posts remind and cause me to regret how far I’ve fallen. My mindset has adjusted to post college but my body is not in that shape yet.

Money isn’t everything, there are woman absolutely everywhere even in a crap town like mine. I saw a beautiful Italian 10 gets out of a Corolla at the mall and all I could think was, “here?”

But that’s just ridiculous for me at this stage. I’m being impatient and vengeful, I just got myself out of several depressive episodes just recently. I’m a bit more coherent but haven’t really dangled my leg out there yet. Now I know what needs to be done since I’m out of the fog.

Im gonna need to do some infields. I’m too cheap for boosts and stuff . There’s a lot of interesting people out there with some sick dalliance. . I'm mostly a daygamer.

The suns out. Let’s get out there.
 
Weight 244.7

Diet is limited to water and once a day meal with some cottage cheese around 1.5 cups if feel like filling myself. I need to add some vinegar and ginger since I need alkaline environment to address then acid load and persistent gout.

I’ve been searching and reading about being a dom and an article I read described various types of doms. Money control, social control, my wife never called me daddy but either this is traditional behavior typical of an Arabian girl or I’m a so called soft dom. There’s a lot of terminology and I’ve even read people keeping a ticker for how many orgasms they have.

I think it’s the way she was raised much like the Viet Andy hooked up with. I also think that I will be gravitating towards the Asian community specifically the indo pak because they make my blood warm. I think I’m crazy, there’s not a single buddy of mine who has any concept of what I’m interested in doing.

I’ve been subconsciously mewwing and making it a habit. I think the weight needs to drop to make it more obvious.

I’m out of my element. I passed a boundary Ive never really bothered with before and that is to post my thoughts on other peoples situations based off of my experiences. Also asking for help with a subject I know nothing about. I’ve done the Amazon searches, the library is chock full of bdsm novellas, and I’m still trying to grasp covert hypnosis and micro expressions. I’m grateful that I don’t feel that I’ve been obnoxious and that everything I’ve written is empathic and based on humility. I want the best for everyone. It’s been my habit to guide people and provide rapport and support, diagnosis and treatment. For me it’s not redpill and I’m not sure what that exactly means, this is me. This is not a podium, I don’t need to get off anything and I’m as bad as the rest of us.

I’m waiting to get called out. I think my constant hesitation and willingness to put myself out there is enough. We all know that how goes.

I’m seeing the same things with new eyes. I believe that the end will justify the means. And will have gained confidence i spades if I’m patient enough.
 
Weight 244.7

I’ve noticed a peculiar change in my being. Previously, I considered myself to be reserved and on point with my speech. Buddy of mine said I talk too much.

Then I noted a delay in what I think, to when it comes out of my mouth. To the extent that, pre mushrooms, took a day for the me to correctly find an adult answer.

Now silence is back and I’ve noticed a delay and end up staying silent when someone is expecting a response and I don’t have one. I’m not much of an expert on ADHD, but I’m willing to take something short of a hallucinogenic drug to see if there’s an issue. Can Kratom be used for ADHD?

I’ve got to fix this.
 
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