Holden said:
For a first date girls really don't need to know a lot about you. It's about your overall vibe, not a list of your achievements or hobbies. I actually purposefully blew a date yesterday by talking about my life and making it boring because I didn't want to see her again.
1) Avoid politics and religion and if she brings it up just tell her playfully you don't think it's a fun subject for a first date. If she insists then it's a red flag anyway. I don't agree with the advice to "stand your ground." You can have those discussions when you've been dating for a month and you're laying in bed just shooting the shit. Not on date 1.
2) Talk about travel, adventure ("what's the coolest thing you've done lately"), her ambitions and dreams. Don't get too deep. With the world being locked down you always have an excuse to talk about travel. "I wanted to go to country X but then the world locked down so I couldn't go. If you could go anywhere you want right now, where would you go?"
3) If she's smart I like to talk about books/literature and art in general. Great way to go a bit deeper as the date progresses. Lots of times I'll ask girls about their favorite book and they don't have an answer and I bust their balls for it ("you don't have a top 3 ready??") and then the day after the date they'll send me a top 3 list. It tells me all the right things: that she wants to impress me, that she was thinking about me/the date long after it's over, and that she wants to see me again.
This is really good advice.
@MakingAComeback from reading your entire log and listening to your interveiw with Andy; I get the feeling you are talking about yourself too much on dates or keeping to safe topics. Ideally it should be 70%+ her talking & 30% or less you talking. I get the feeling the ratio is probably at least 60 or 70% you talking. Ask her open ended questions that generate discussion about fun and exciting topics.
Asking stuff like "What's the most exciting thing you've done this week (or month)?"
what's been your favorite adventure in the last year?
Favorite memory?
favorite trip in the last 5 years and why?
stuff like that will help get you to more lively topics.
I also get the feeling you are not creating the right level of sexual tension. The way you do this is by broaching the sexual topic with her and owning it. Ask her when her last relationship was like (just obviously be careful if she says something traumatic happened) but that will open up opportunities to ask about how the sex was and then onto what she likes and doesn't like in the bedroom (saying something like "what's the wildest thing you have ever done?"). It's scary to try the first time but being polarizing and sexualizing will get you more wins then you are getting now long term.
Be flirty / direct about saying you think something about her looks sexy and make sexual innuendos (That's what she said line from the Office in the US is something I use all the time and it still works great after all of these years.)
One other thing I would highly suggest is concept of "seeding the next date" Or even "seeding the pull". Essentially when yours like 30-45 mins into the date and you think its going well you want to either seed the pull by saying something "My friend just got me into this really funny TV show (pick something light and funny, I like Impractical Jokers as an example but UK is probably different); you should come check it out with me after this." Then towards the end of the date you say "alright you ready to check this out with me you're gonna love it."
Or if you want to just seed for the 2nd date. Just say something like "What's your favorite type of food, desert ect?" start talking about foods you like for a couple of minutes to get to your "seed" of saying "I know ABC restaurant has amazing tacos (or whatever food you want), you been there before? Oh you need to it will change your life, we should go there (insert day later that week) then work through schedules. That way you don't need to wait until texting the next day to start planning your date you lock it in while being in person so you can answer objections. Obviously only do this if YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN. That's most important, once you decide you do you should be going for that and it will help you a lot with flakes. This is also assuming she is enjoying the date which it sounds like based on your recent convos and advice you will get more girls wanting to have a second date with you.
Above all you gotta change your mindset and be more positive. Remove "she will flake" from your vocabulary. Even if she does look at it this way, what can you learn from it.
There are no losses. There are only wins and or lessons. That type of attitude will go a long way. keep your head up!
