Jacobpalmer123
Member
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2020
Do it your way. Accept the consequences that come with it. I can respect that.
-
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YEAR 3: THE IRONWILL PROJECT: MONEY, MUSCLES, MINDSET - FROM NOTHING TO SOMETHING, MY RELENTLESS JOURNEY
- Thread starter MakingAComeback
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
Date for Monday fallen thru, she's an hour away and asked if we could meet halfway. Told her for first dates, I ask girls to see me, for 2nd dates, I'll see you. She said that doesn't work for her but thanks anyway. Thanked, blocked, onwards.
Learning point so far is don't travel to see girls, because they will for the most part not want to see me again and it's wasted time and energy.
That is reality btw - don't dismiss this as pessimism, this is what we are working with.
Off to cold approach, shoot content, and make myself 0.001% better today.
Learning point so far is don't travel to see girls, because they will for the most part not want to see me again and it's wasted time and energy.
That is reality btw - don't dismiss this as pessimism, this is what we are working with.
Off to cold approach, shoot content, and make myself 0.001% better today.
Thrice
Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2021
MakingAComeback said:
Don't lose hope, I'm in your same situation and not even getting dates. You didn't max out everything anyway, your losing wheight, lifting in a caloric deficit, you didn't start building serious muscle yet, you don't know what you will look like at 10% bf with visibile abs and more muscles.
I'm no expert but your style and sex appeal is not maxed out either, you just started. You worked hard but you started out as overweight, so it's normal to spend the first year just to lose weight and look normal, and start building muscle from the second year on
Basically once you lose all the excess weight you reach stage zero, from there you start bodybuilding seriously
It sucks for ex fat guys because the fisrt year is spent just losing weight, but praise yourself for working hard and don't be frustrated about it
Holden
Member
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
I'm literally having a conversation right now with a girl who's being difficult to come see me. Happens often. Girls who can meet 10 guys per week don't travel. Either you spend time warming them up over text until they want to come over, or you spend time travelling, or you spend time blocking them & searching for other leads.
Either way you're going to spend time.
Personally I'd advise newbies to just travel and get the experience. Even if chances of flaking & ghosting are high. You can be selective when you have abundance.
You're obviously in a rut because of the string of rejections which I understand. But seeing less girls than you can is not going to fix it.
Either way you're going to spend time.
Personally I'd advise newbies to just travel and get the experience. Even if chances of flaking & ghosting are high. You can be selective when you have abundance.
You're obviously in a rut because of the string of rejections which I understand. But seeing less girls than you can is not going to fix it.
Squilliam
Member
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2021
- Goal
- Be happy
- Age
- 24
- Motto
- Action begets action
Why don't you try meeting halfway?
I know you probably wanna be close for the pull, but if you're looking for a serious relationship, do you really need to pull on the first date?
In my experience girls are often more up for travelling once they get to know and like you better.
I know you probably wanna be close for the pull, but if you're looking for a serious relationship, do you really need to pull on the first date?
In my experience girls are often more up for travelling once they get to know and like you better.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
Hey guys thanks for weighing in.
I usually do meet half way, only reason I didnt this time was I thought it was legit pointless as they are gonna either ghost or send the same damn text
I shit you not this happening 21 fucking times in a row will fuck with you.
Anyway, I don't usually have reservations about meeting half way. This was the first one. In future, I'll meet half way.
Just did 10 approaches.
Session was absolutely brutal but got 10 apps done. That's 10 more than I did yesterday.
Yeah I am sadly grappling with the likelihood that I will fail at my goals this year. If that happens, which frankly is how it's looking, I just nee to be transparent and be trutuhful in knowing I worked my self half to death to improve my situation. That right now is true.
It took me 4 hours of AA hell crashing down on my brain fucking with me but I got 10 approaches done.
All deflections, all didn't stop, and the one or two who did were pretty rude to be honest. Oh well. I will keep hammering.
Nothing else to report, not bothering with pics today. That can be done any time.
MAC
I usually do meet half way, only reason I didnt this time was I thought it was legit pointless as they are gonna either ghost or send the same damn text
I shit you not this happening 21 fucking times in a row will fuck with you.
Anyway, I don't usually have reservations about meeting half way. This was the first one. In future, I'll meet half way.
Just did 10 approaches.
Session was absolutely brutal but got 10 apps done. That's 10 more than I did yesterday.
Yeah I am sadly grappling with the likelihood that I will fail at my goals this year. If that happens, which frankly is how it's looking, I just nee to be transparent and be trutuhful in knowing I worked my self half to death to improve my situation. That right now is true.
It took me 4 hours of AA hell crashing down on my brain fucking with me but I got 10 approaches done.
All deflections, all didn't stop, and the one or two who did were pretty rude to be honest. Oh well. I will keep hammering.
Nothing else to report, not bothering with pics today. That can be done any time.
MAC
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
RUNNING TOTALS
Cold Approaches: 122 (+10)
CA Numbers: 3
OLD Dates: 21
CA Dates: 1
OLD Lays: 1
Cold Approaches: 122 (+10)
CA Numbers: 3
OLD Dates: 21
CA Dates: 1
OLD Lays: 1
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
Thrice
Getting bodied will help. It'll be a good investment for my long term success. Gonna have to say tho, I have lost most my fat, have improved my physique a lot, and have taken a lot of action here. Will stay with it for 6 months and see if things improve.
Body should help me a bit for sure.
I am hopeless at this stage I am sorry to tell you. But that does not mean I will stop. I made a commitment for this year and I will see it through. I can't promise you I will achieve my goals in self improvement. It isn't looking like it's going to happen. But I will try. That you should know.
Adrizzle
Yep. Life is short bro. I want to find a way to be happy. It's our one shot at the end of the day.
Just being at peace with it and letting go.........we should remind ourselves of it's importance.
@Holden & Squilliam I accept your points and will resume seeing them halfway. Today was the first time i did this.
MAC
Getting bodied will help. It'll be a good investment for my long term success. Gonna have to say tho, I have lost most my fat, have improved my physique a lot, and have taken a lot of action here. Will stay with it for 6 months and see if things improve.
Body should help me a bit for sure.
I am hopeless at this stage I am sorry to tell you. But that does not mean I will stop. I made a commitment for this year and I will see it through. I can't promise you I will achieve my goals in self improvement. It isn't looking like it's going to happen. But I will try. That you should know.
Adrizzle
Yep. Life is short bro. I want to find a way to be happy. It's our one shot at the end of the day.
Just being at peace with it and letting go.........we should remind ourselves of it's importance.
@Holden & Squilliam I accept your points and will resume seeing them halfway. Today was the first time i did this.
MAC
Squilliam
Member
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2021
- Goal
- Be happy
- Age
- 24
- Motto
- Action begets action
Damn dude, cold approaching in London seems fucking rough, now I understand why tons of UK people I've talked to have said "cold approaching isn't a thing here". It seems like it's less acceptable there than in US cities.
Even in a place like NYC, I feel like 10 approaches should probably net you at least one number. Then again, I don't really know much about daygame.
Even in a place like NYC, I feel like 10 approaches should probably net you at least one number. Then again, I don't really know much about daygame.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
London is hard for day game yeah.
Nightgame here I know many dudes who got results but it was mostly one night stands. Which I don't want. I am willing to start doing more night game but will mostly be for experience. Dont think super super light nights and partying is wise at 30.
Online dating is promising here. I am weak in the actual process of dating and building connections. But when I crack that, which will come, I should be able to find what I am looking for.
MAC
Nightgame here I know many dudes who got results but it was mostly one night stands. Which I don't want. I am willing to start doing more night game but will mostly be for experience. Dont think super super light nights and partying is wise at 30.
Online dating is promising here. I am weak in the actual process of dating and building connections. But when I crack that, which will come, I should be able to find what I am looking for.
MAC
Jacobpalmer123
Member
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2020
MakingAComeback said:
Yeah so in general not always. Nighttime leads to faster sex, but lower retention. Daytime CAN take longer, and in general does but leads to better retention. Funny enough the girl I retained the longest was nighttime but its because I was A. significantly better looking and B. She had a high body count.
I'd say 1-2 times a week and maybe 10 approaches a night. The benefit of nighttime is you can do volume, the downside is your next day is gonna be much slower. Last night I forgot about day light savings time, so it was 1:50 then bam 3:10.
I'm interested to see how daytime works in other countries. The bigger the city the quicker girls are to dismiss you and just keep walking. Smaller the city the nicer they are since they might see you again.
Edit: Grammar
SamJ_
Member
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2021
MakingAComeback said:
Dude, you have to change your attitude ASAP. Am I reading this right? You literally had attractive girls hitting on you and rejected them because you thought your friend deserved them more?! That is fucked. Honestly if I were you I'd get my mental health/self esteem issues sorted out ASAP and using literally any means possible including antidepressant/anti anxiety drugs if necessary. Your mindset is your own worst enemy right now. And believe me, I know what that's like. I'm working on it myself.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
SamJ_ said:
I hear you but In want to stress, we literally fabricated a scene and created a FAKE charachter. I didn't explain this well, sorry, but we were making viral content.
They were buzzing around him and they were often asking me questions about videography etc, and asking if they could work with me. This is where I would be a total LIAR if I played into the role. I just make youtube content because I enjoy it. My friend is the one who wants to create a persona, let him feed into it. I am not going to lie.
There is still some of the above at play.
But it does not require the level of intervention described. I am nowhere near that bad.
More on this to come writing a post.
MAC
SamJ_
Member
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2021
MakingAComeback said:
Who is to say what's real and what's "fake?" There is no such thing as the "real" you except for what you conceptualize in your own imagination. As Alan Watts said, you're under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago. If women are attracted to this persona you created, why not emulate it all the time? I've actually been doing this lately, just in general I've been changing the way I speak and act all the time and have noticed my attitude has started to change right along with it.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
Thanks Big Jacob for your thoughts. I am truly looking for retention bro. That is what I want.
EDIT Thanks Sam also
Spending months and months with diff women was the goal of this project!
Reflections:
Hmmm, my looks HAVE got better. My friend hadn't seen me in ages and he remarked that I look A LOT better than I did, and that I've lost weight, and improved style. First thing he said - did you get a stylist?!
Furthermore, I notice many women looking at me when I'm out cold approaching. This is happening now, so this proves my looks have gotten better. The last few girls also smiled quite a bit when they saw me, as opposed to how it used to be, which was very MEH.
Here's a real fucker: I see women giving me certain looks which really hit me. Like when I was done approaching today, this chick kind of just walked past me and looked at me longingly. I was so full of AA and just deep resistance there was no prayer of approaching. It really hurt. But I noticed it. Her facial expression was normal, she had headphones in and was going about her day. My gigantic ass poked round the corner and she was like a bit shocked and then she just looked at me really funny and just kept looking. She almost looked a little wounded. If I could hug her I would. Some women do like very tall guys and it is there thing.
It hurts because something in them may see value in me, and likelihood is, I am not really in the position where I could explore it.
Hard cases in the male self improvement space are often met with limited patience and people grow tired of them, their 'whining', and their plethora of inner game issues, and the hopelessness many of us who are a bit fucked in the head exude.
Many factors can contribute to a man having head issues. It can be a very stressful childhood, which mine was, which does a number on your psyche and gives you no end of image and confidence issues.
Sometimes I do think what my life would have been like if I didn't have adverse earlier experiences. I have been jacked once before in my life, at 6ft 5 and with the physique I had (400lb squat, 500lb deadlift, 275lb bench @ 24 y/o) and the normal baseline of confidence, I would have been able to get the girl stuff sorted easy and then I could have smashed the financial side of life.
Thing is, you play the card your dealt. Many people have shitty experiences and grow up in hostile and unstable environments. They may have issues, yes, but they can still find a favourable way forward.
If we are looking at my case, there are things I am doing right in The Phoenix Project:
Looksmaxxing: this is something I take DEAD ASS SERIOUS
Online Dating: This in fairness is OK for me and I am just overjoyed to get the odd message from, at times, borderline pretty and cool looking women who seem to see some value in me. This feels GREAT.
I am consistent with both and do them daily.
The other aspects of The Phoenix Project are cold approach and dating.
This is a dating focused self improvement project remember. Next year I'll be focusing on biz and you will see what true psycho work ethic looks like.
Dating is something I am getting poor results in. I am clear about this - all 21 girls I dated ghosted or told me they felt nothing when talking to me.
What is going on here?
There is a block here. More below. (Block #1)
Cold approach, again, another big aspect of this project, and something I am very very poor at.
In my earlier years, I could actually approach women. I did so with some AA, but nothing compared to what I have now.
I did 2k approaches, and they were indirect, gamey, and went nowhere. The numbers NEVER texted.
Essentally, block #1 was at play back then. I was still unable to evoke anything from a woman and get her to feel attraction for me. I would get the odd girl from classes interested in me back in Uni, and some were quite pretty, but I did self sabotage and fuck things up, often because I felt weird, had no concept of how to move things forward, and just lacked that killer instinct.
But I was able to approach back then!
I was truly very determined and mostly I honestly thought come 25 I'd have a girlfriend at that point. 25 was when health problems kicked in. And the psyche began to get REKT.
Here comes block #2. I am now out on the front lines cold approaching, and feeling intense emotion, negativity, hopelessness, despair, and the approaches are so uncomfortable, weird, and just feel totally out of the norm.
That much is to be expected. What I liked about the unamed one's theory here is that the approach is the success, rejection is to be embraced, and unless a woman is receptive, it's not likely going to happen. This took a lot of pressure off me and just allowed me to suck. In truth, this actually helped.
But diving deeper - emotional work was even more powerful when it comes to allowing myself to actually approach.
I wandered London for almost a month just unable to approach AT ALL. Now I can get them out. It may take me 4hrs of grinding while feeling truly god awful. But I get them done.
That was something emotional releases helped me with a lot.
Block #2 needs to be addressed and diving into my psyche a little, is probably the ghosts of my former narratives coming home to roost, the many belief I had for much of my life on my self worth as a human, etc. They don't just fade away.
In the past, visualisation had helped me. Visualisation can be a way of using mental imagery to repattern the mind.
Another thing to note - some of us are literally traumatised when we are going through LONG periods of loneliness.
That has to be worked through.
Human beings are ultimately survival and replication machines, and we find a way to navigate these competing concerns. We are adaptable and adapt in order to prioritise our survival.
This is where adverse experiences with trying to suceed with women can repattern the psyche and make this goal very complicated.
Take a guy like my brother, who is good looking, muscular, and just taking random selfies would get more likes on Tinder than anyone who has been on this community. I have never seen guys get 400 likes a day here. My little brother used to get that. His phone would go off NON STOP, superlikes all day. He got a girlfriend at 18 and just never went through any trials and tribulations with them. His psyche was not mangled into knots like mine was so for a dude like him, he can just sit infront of a woman and it's plain sailing. There's connection, there's sparks, whatever. He has had the same girlfriend for 7 years but still gets attention daily.
That said, while I am way worse looking, balding (but will get a hair transplant this year), having lost weight, gained muscle, and improved style, I also get women looking at me.
I am not sure it is always indicative of sexual interest - sometimes it is, yes. Today a pretty young thing walked past me, and as we made eye contact her tongue came out and she licked her lips. My PUA days flash back and I am reminded this is a 'strong IOI'.
These are the sublte things that happen when you are in the gym week in, week out.
I think there are nuances and subtleties to women looking at you. Height is a curious one. I saw a man who was in his 50s, totally grey, walking through Chelsea with his wife. He was a good looking chap, and it was interesting, many of the women were turning their heads just to look at him. Like they weren't necessarily wanting to fuck him - but they wanted to look. They thought he was quite interesting and he caught their attention BIG TIME. This older gentleman was the exact same height as me and I was just looking at him thinking fuck is that what I look like? He was fucking enormous.
But you know what?
With all the looks in the world, without the ability to cold approach, it's not happening.
You can have an elite physique, but when you're sat infront of a woman, and she is in plain terms simply not interested
This is a problem, and needs to be fixed.
For these two blocking factors, the following approaches are going to continue to be utilised:
COLD APPROACH BLOCK
-Volume. I think this is big. Exposure therapy.
-Emotional work, trauma release.
DATING BLOCK
-No emotional connection
-Not creating tension, sexual intent, etc
You may have noticed if you've read my log since the start that I used to think I was proper proper ugly, like a legit monster. Now I think I am just a norma bloke but I am a big mofo, tall and broad, and when I get my body right, get the hair transplant, and maybe get some tats, I will have maxxed mysef out lookswise. But I do not think my looks are BAD. I think they need A LOT of work, but for an average, normal, maybe to use crude terms 5/10 girl, I think right now I should be good. I would also be open to dating more unattractive women, I can also do fatties/obese. Ultimately, what speaks to my soul is when a girl kinda likes me and is nice to me, This has happened only a few times in my life and these memories are still fond, Danish Girl was nice to me and she was kind at heart. Ultimately I didn't know how to create any form of tension so she got bored and moved on.
Danish Girl taught me a lot. She actually said this to me: "Most men I date are like a bull to a red flag, they are pushing for sex from the first minute. You never pushed for sex. Even after 3 dates, I didn't think you liked me".
I made out with her lots on our first date but she didn't get sexual vibes. This is where I knew there was some conflict in my actions and conversation.
This has been clarified further by many.
But equally, it is also indicative of something deeper.
There is a need for a lot of healing work with me and this should be part of my process......
I do, at my core, believe that 21 of 21 girls totally flaked because I am in some subtle sense just off.
People still like me. I have friends, many men like me, get on with me easily, shit in the work context women are very pleasant to me.
But a guy who isn't quite right, is not sexy.
I am becoming very doubtful at this stage of many ideas because they are not stacking up in the real world.
I need more data, and also, need to stop making critical mistakes.
I am making several mistakes. And that is why I am screwing up.
But there is still something deeper.
In life, something or other should happen with women. If nothing at all happens, ever, something is wrong at a deep level.
Humans also have a spiritual domain and an emotional domain. We have a self image and we also create patterns which can become our prisons.
One way in which this was put is very evocative for me.
Einstein did not belive in his own theory. He did not believe in Quamtum theory. Why would God play dice with the Universe, he said. Eventually, technology would advance and the equipment that proved his theories would become available. The Aspect experiment takes place, and what Einstein knew in theory was proven in practice.
Why couldn't Einstien believe his own theories?
Because the world he lived in put grooves onto him, and those grooves deepened, eventually they formed walls, and he built his own prison.
We all do this.
To my mind, I am living in my own prison, Struggling a lot, every day to be honest, just pushing and pushing. This is what a hardcore self improvement project looks like. But I am coming up against my own walls.
Something deep inside has resistance to cold approach.
I can tell you I do want deep connection with a woman, and am motivated to turn this aspect around. I thought I did way better on my last date, but there will be some way to go.
But how can I tear this wall down faster?
I am going to have to stop struggling and let go more. I am going to have to heal myself more and be more at peace with myself.
I have true doubts at this stage about whether I can progress further than where I currently am. But like others elude to, it can be overcome. Hopelessness can happen, and it is inevitable when you have had a lot of adverse experiences and continue to feel unable to shape your destiny.
We're just too early on, these are growing pains.
At around the 500 approach mark, let's see.
At around the 50 dates mark, let's see.
Final thoughts:
At the end of the day, we don't get much time here. You've gotta find a way to just enjoy it and be happy.
My self-improvement is done for me. I do not at this point hold any hope of a future where there is a woman who actually cares about me.
This is something I can ultimately accept.
MAC
EDIT Thanks Sam also
Spending months and months with diff women was the goal of this project!
Reflections:
Hmmm, my looks HAVE got better. My friend hadn't seen me in ages and he remarked that I look A LOT better than I did, and that I've lost weight, and improved style. First thing he said - did you get a stylist?!
Furthermore, I notice many women looking at me when I'm out cold approaching. This is happening now, so this proves my looks have gotten better. The last few girls also smiled quite a bit when they saw me, as opposed to how it used to be, which was very MEH.
Here's a real fucker: I see women giving me certain looks which really hit me. Like when I was done approaching today, this chick kind of just walked past me and looked at me longingly. I was so full of AA and just deep resistance there was no prayer of approaching. It really hurt. But I noticed it. Her facial expression was normal, she had headphones in and was going about her day. My gigantic ass poked round the corner and she was like a bit shocked and then she just looked at me really funny and just kept looking. She almost looked a little wounded. If I could hug her I would. Some women do like very tall guys and it is there thing.
It hurts because something in them may see value in me, and likelihood is, I am not really in the position where I could explore it.
Hard cases in the male self improvement space are often met with limited patience and people grow tired of them, their 'whining', and their plethora of inner game issues, and the hopelessness many of us who are a bit fucked in the head exude.
Many factors can contribute to a man having head issues. It can be a very stressful childhood, which mine was, which does a number on your psyche and gives you no end of image and confidence issues.
Sometimes I do think what my life would have been like if I didn't have adverse earlier experiences. I have been jacked once before in my life, at 6ft 5 and with the physique I had (400lb squat, 500lb deadlift, 275lb bench @ 24 y/o) and the normal baseline of confidence, I would have been able to get the girl stuff sorted easy and then I could have smashed the financial side of life.
Thing is, you play the card your dealt. Many people have shitty experiences and grow up in hostile and unstable environments. They may have issues, yes, but they can still find a favourable way forward.
If we are looking at my case, there are things I am doing right in The Phoenix Project:
Looksmaxxing: this is something I take DEAD ASS SERIOUS
Online Dating: This in fairness is OK for me and I am just overjoyed to get the odd message from, at times, borderline pretty and cool looking women who seem to see some value in me. This feels GREAT.
I am consistent with both and do them daily.
The other aspects of The Phoenix Project are cold approach and dating.
This is a dating focused self improvement project remember. Next year I'll be focusing on biz and you will see what true psycho work ethic looks like.
Dating is something I am getting poor results in. I am clear about this - all 21 girls I dated ghosted or told me they felt nothing when talking to me.
What is going on here?
There is a block here. More below. (Block #1)
Cold approach, again, another big aspect of this project, and something I am very very poor at.
In my earlier years, I could actually approach women. I did so with some AA, but nothing compared to what I have now.
I did 2k approaches, and they were indirect, gamey, and went nowhere. The numbers NEVER texted.
Essentally, block #1 was at play back then. I was still unable to evoke anything from a woman and get her to feel attraction for me. I would get the odd girl from classes interested in me back in Uni, and some were quite pretty, but I did self sabotage and fuck things up, often because I felt weird, had no concept of how to move things forward, and just lacked that killer instinct.
But I was able to approach back then!
I was truly very determined and mostly I honestly thought come 25 I'd have a girlfriend at that point. 25 was when health problems kicked in. And the psyche began to get REKT.
Here comes block #2. I am now out on the front lines cold approaching, and feeling intense emotion, negativity, hopelessness, despair, and the approaches are so uncomfortable, weird, and just feel totally out of the norm.
That much is to be expected. What I liked about the unamed one's theory here is that the approach is the success, rejection is to be embraced, and unless a woman is receptive, it's not likely going to happen. This took a lot of pressure off me and just allowed me to suck. In truth, this actually helped.
But diving deeper - emotional work was even more powerful when it comes to allowing myself to actually approach.
I wandered London for almost a month just unable to approach AT ALL. Now I can get them out. It may take me 4hrs of grinding while feeling truly god awful. But I get them done.
That was something emotional releases helped me with a lot.
Block #2 needs to be addressed and diving into my psyche a little, is probably the ghosts of my former narratives coming home to roost, the many belief I had for much of my life on my self worth as a human, etc. They don't just fade away.
In the past, visualisation had helped me. Visualisation can be a way of using mental imagery to repattern the mind.
Another thing to note - some of us are literally traumatised when we are going through LONG periods of loneliness.
That has to be worked through.
Human beings are ultimately survival and replication machines, and we find a way to navigate these competing concerns. We are adaptable and adapt in order to prioritise our survival.
This is where adverse experiences with trying to suceed with women can repattern the psyche and make this goal very complicated.
Take a guy like my brother, who is good looking, muscular, and just taking random selfies would get more likes on Tinder than anyone who has been on this community. I have never seen guys get 400 likes a day here. My little brother used to get that. His phone would go off NON STOP, superlikes all day. He got a girlfriend at 18 and just never went through any trials and tribulations with them. His psyche was not mangled into knots like mine was so for a dude like him, he can just sit infront of a woman and it's plain sailing. There's connection, there's sparks, whatever. He has had the same girlfriend for 7 years but still gets attention daily.
That said, while I am way worse looking, balding (but will get a hair transplant this year), having lost weight, gained muscle, and improved style, I also get women looking at me.
I am not sure it is always indicative of sexual interest - sometimes it is, yes. Today a pretty young thing walked past me, and as we made eye contact her tongue came out and she licked her lips. My PUA days flash back and I am reminded this is a 'strong IOI'.
These are the sublte things that happen when you are in the gym week in, week out.
I think there are nuances and subtleties to women looking at you. Height is a curious one. I saw a man who was in his 50s, totally grey, walking through Chelsea with his wife. He was a good looking chap, and it was interesting, many of the women were turning their heads just to look at him. Like they weren't necessarily wanting to fuck him - but they wanted to look. They thought he was quite interesting and he caught their attention BIG TIME. This older gentleman was the exact same height as me and I was just looking at him thinking fuck is that what I look like? He was fucking enormous.
But you know what?
With all the looks in the world, without the ability to cold approach, it's not happening.
You can have an elite physique, but when you're sat infront of a woman, and she is in plain terms simply not interested
This is a problem, and needs to be fixed.
For these two blocking factors, the following approaches are going to continue to be utilised:
COLD APPROACH BLOCK
-Volume. I think this is big. Exposure therapy.
-Emotional work, trauma release.
DATING BLOCK
-No emotional connection
-Not creating tension, sexual intent, etc
You may have noticed if you've read my log since the start that I used to think I was proper proper ugly, like a legit monster. Now I think I am just a norma bloke but I am a big mofo, tall and broad, and when I get my body right, get the hair transplant, and maybe get some tats, I will have maxxed mysef out lookswise. But I do not think my looks are BAD. I think they need A LOT of work, but for an average, normal, maybe to use crude terms 5/10 girl, I think right now I should be good. I would also be open to dating more unattractive women, I can also do fatties/obese. Ultimately, what speaks to my soul is when a girl kinda likes me and is nice to me, This has happened only a few times in my life and these memories are still fond, Danish Girl was nice to me and she was kind at heart. Ultimately I didn't know how to create any form of tension so she got bored and moved on.
Danish Girl taught me a lot. She actually said this to me: "Most men I date are like a bull to a red flag, they are pushing for sex from the first minute. You never pushed for sex. Even after 3 dates, I didn't think you liked me".
I made out with her lots on our first date but she didn't get sexual vibes. This is where I knew there was some conflict in my actions and conversation.
This has been clarified further by many.
But equally, it is also indicative of something deeper.
There is a need for a lot of healing work with me and this should be part of my process......
I do, at my core, believe that 21 of 21 girls totally flaked because I am in some subtle sense just off.
People still like me. I have friends, many men like me, get on with me easily, shit in the work context women are very pleasant to me.
But a guy who isn't quite right, is not sexy.
I am becoming very doubtful at this stage of many ideas because they are not stacking up in the real world.
I need more data, and also, need to stop making critical mistakes.
I am making several mistakes. And that is why I am screwing up.
But there is still something deeper.
In life, something or other should happen with women. If nothing at all happens, ever, something is wrong at a deep level.
Humans also have a spiritual domain and an emotional domain. We have a self image and we also create patterns which can become our prisons.
One way in which this was put is very evocative for me.
Einstein did not belive in his own theory. He did not believe in Quamtum theory. Why would God play dice with the Universe, he said. Eventually, technology would advance and the equipment that proved his theories would become available. The Aspect experiment takes place, and what Einstein knew in theory was proven in practice.
Why couldn't Einstien believe his own theories?
Because the world he lived in put grooves onto him, and those grooves deepened, eventually they formed walls, and he built his own prison.
We all do this.
To my mind, I am living in my own prison, Struggling a lot, every day to be honest, just pushing and pushing. This is what a hardcore self improvement project looks like. But I am coming up against my own walls.
Something deep inside has resistance to cold approach.
I can tell you I do want deep connection with a woman, and am motivated to turn this aspect around. I thought I did way better on my last date, but there will be some way to go.
But how can I tear this wall down faster?
I am going to have to stop struggling and let go more. I am going to have to heal myself more and be more at peace with myself.
I have true doubts at this stage about whether I can progress further than where I currently am. But like others elude to, it can be overcome. Hopelessness can happen, and it is inevitable when you have had a lot of adverse experiences and continue to feel unable to shape your destiny.
We're just too early on, these are growing pains.
At around the 500 approach mark, let's see.
At around the 50 dates mark, let's see.
Final thoughts:
At the end of the day, we don't get much time here. You've gotta find a way to just enjoy it and be happy.
My self-improvement is done for me. I do not at this point hold any hope of a future where there is a woman who actually cares about me.
This is something I can ultimately accept.
MAC
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
THE PHOENIX PROJECT WEEK 17
MON 14/03/2022
Actions
(1) Dating: Cold Approach 3hrs / Online Dating
(2) Body: Week off gym! Core & Stretch + Good diet and supps
(3) Self Dev: Read reccomended articles (Reccomendations from Andy, Pancakemouse, and Amir)
(4) Others: Work, Letting Go, Focusing on positivity, Light, Cold thermogenesis, mop flat
Notes:
Am feeling better. Just chilled out, and also listened to Dr Joe Dispenza's meditations on 'opening your heart'. It legit helped a lot. Will focus on enjoying the process this week and letting go. Maybe have a date Wednesday, potentially double booked for Friday so keeping the stronger lead booked in and the other I'm trying to move to Thursday. Otherwise gonna keep hammering.
Glad I didn't do pics yesterday because pics require a plan. I ddn't plan. We need to book a table at an iconic rooftop bar and get us around, dressed to the 9s. Wandering around and hoping for something useable isn't worth the time. We'll sort this.
MAC
MON 14/03/2022
Actions
(1) Dating: Cold Approach 3hrs / Online Dating
(2) Body: Week off gym! Core & Stretch + Good diet and supps
(3) Self Dev: Read reccomended articles (Reccomendations from Andy, Pancakemouse, and Amir)
(4) Others: Work, Letting Go, Focusing on positivity, Light, Cold thermogenesis, mop flat
Notes:
Am feeling better. Just chilled out, and also listened to Dr Joe Dispenza's meditations on 'opening your heart'. It legit helped a lot. Will focus on enjoying the process this week and letting go. Maybe have a date Wednesday, potentially double booked for Friday so keeping the stronger lead booked in and the other I'm trying to move to Thursday. Otherwise gonna keep hammering.
Glad I didn't do pics yesterday because pics require a plan. I ddn't plan. We need to book a table at an iconic rooftop bar and get us around, dressed to the 9s. Wandering around and hoping for something useable isn't worth the time. We'll sort this.
MAC
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
OK old and whatsapp still active:
Tue- may have a ate
Wed - May have a date
Thur - may have a date
Fri - may have a date
I am gonna take the week off 21st work hard in the office and also just read study, talk to Andy and Radical, and also if any of you want a call, let's talk.
Sat & Sun gonna go ham approaching. Sunday getting train back
W/c 21st gonna do lots of critical thinking on my next photos. For a prop, I have a fake mic and I wanna feed into the content creator vibe for my next photo. Rooftop bar, dressed up, maybe turtle neck, woolcoat, blue jeans and chelsea boots. And work that angle. Location will be key for this next one and will plan it out etc.
Even one useable pic a month is legit.
MAC
Tue- may have a ate
Wed - May have a date
Thur - may have a date
Fri - may have a date
I am gonna take the week off 21st work hard in the office and also just read study, talk to Andy and Radical, and also if any of you want a call, let's talk.
Sat & Sun gonna go ham approaching. Sunday getting train back
W/c 21st gonna do lots of critical thinking on my next photos. For a prop, I have a fake mic and I wanna feed into the content creator vibe for my next photo. Rooftop bar, dressed up, maybe turtle neck, woolcoat, blue jeans and chelsea boots. And work that angle. Location will be key for this next one and will plan it out etc.
Even one useable pic a month is legit.
MAC
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2020
MakingAComeback said:
I don't know how I missed this and I prepared a pretty rough response. Thankfully I mellowed down so I'll just offer constructive criticism instead.
First things first, read this
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/2017-goals/13651-a-simple-blueprint-1a-1b-for-goals
In my far from humble opinion, it should be required reading whenever someone is going to write a post like yours.
Now ask yourself:
Is your #1 goal your #1 priority?
As an outside observer, I'd argue no. You're at a point where you get dates, so that's good. Your bottleneck is not the getting of the date, it's what happens during the date. Plus, it also seems that most of your pain happens when girls say they didn't feel a connection.
So, the 9032854908347859839096934809580934 things you're doing to improve your looks can be taken down a notch, in terms of intensity and time investment.
Where should you focus your time and energy next?
I got this short book a few days back, speed-read it, and suggest you do the same (non aff link) https://www.amazon.com/Three-Pillars-Attraction-Pat-Stedman-ebook/dp/B09V1J35YW
He narrows down into 3 pillars what matters for attraction. I'm sure there's probably a free article or YouTube video that explains the same things, but I prefer paying when I'm looking for a solution. In my case, I understood that I'm lacking in game and sexualization through dialogue so I'll focus on those two things.
You definitely lack game and you might also find a few other things that are missing. Keep a notepad when reading and journal your thoughts. I'm doing the same with the book I chose for game and it connects the dots.
From there, you need to re-adjust your priorities mate. The marketing of your product is good, but you need to fix the user experience. So you need to make this your first priority.
And Jesus man, pancakemouse who is already very good decided to dedicate a year in cold approaching. A year. Plus the dude was going out for day and nightgame on the same day. And you, who had zero experience with women for 29 years, think you can fix everything in a year, and without even going full-time? Not gonna happen man.
- Status