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colgate - FINALLY!!! i get my first daygame lay!!! after 3 years!!!

pancakemouse said:
I'm continually impressed at how self-reflective you are. It's a great trait.

I think since I beat AA by just making myself approach, I've literally treated the process of approaching girls itself to be my form of therapy and self-improvement. Yeah, you could go to a psychologist and try to break down your mental/emotional issues. Yeah, you can go to the gym and improve your style, hair, shoes, and muscles, and that'll definitely get you results and make you feel somewhat better (in addition to passing the looks threshold for more girls).
But the way I see it, each approach I make chips away at deep crystallized issues I've buried away for years, and at some point, yet another one gets exposed. Then I'm forced to confront it in order to continue and improve who I am. There are so many learned behaviors I have which I do without thinking which are detriments for my "game", and I have to discover and unlearn each of them, one at a time.
 
colgate said:
But the way I see it, each approach I make chips away at deep crystallized issues I've buried away for years, and at some point, yet another one gets exposed. Then I'm forced to confront it in order to continue and improve who I am. There are so many learned behaviors I have which I do without thinking which are detriments for my "game", and I have to discover and unlearn each of them, one at a time.

This Process Will Strip You Down and Force You To Confront Your Real Issues
 
Ed_ said:
colgate said:
But the way I see it, each approach I make chips away at deep crystallized issues I've buried away for years, and at some point, yet another one gets exposed. Then I'm forced to confront it in order to continue and improve who I am. There are so many learned behaviors I have which I do without thinking which are detriments for my "game", and I have to discover and unlearn each of them, one at a time.

This Process Will Strip You Down and Force You To Confront Your Real Issues

Just skimmed this article and damn. Fucking good shit. Super wise.
 
You and I have a similar issue. Cutting interactions short and just going for the sale. In my mind once I've made the sale I usually think its best to leave. But the sale is getting laid not the number, probably something I should consider. I'll try these longer approaches as I think word gets around about me and better to talk for awhile and feel the vibe out. I think like you I want to develop a frame as well. Its not talked about much on gll.

I like how introspective your log is. I think I should try to do that as well. But I'll be moving to Austin eventually hopefully sooner rather than later.
 
pancakemouse said:
But the sale is getting laid not the numbe
Yeah, this was one of the most important realizations I made from approach. It's okay to come off as the guy who talks to a lot of girls but it's not okay to come off as the guy who just collects a bunch of numbers. You want to be as genuine as you can during a short chat to the girl so you're an actual person behind the number in her phone.
Contact exchange is secondary and incidental to the approach + interaction.
 
Daygame
Wednesday 12/01:
11#/25+, 0 ID
Applied what I said I was going to do in my last log with cutting back to 2-3 min convos, while zoning in on my "vibe", which was "guy who darts around the country and you're an attractive girl for the ride". Noticed a veritable change in my frame for every interaction. I can say this because I actively noticed several -BSU girls on my approaches for the first time. E.g. girl acts nervous and awkward when I open her, but I care zero and maintain the same energy throughout the conversation. These girls started gradually matching me and getting more energetic as I talked to them and went onto exchange. Conversely, I stopped unnecessarily showering +BSU girls in compliments when they reacted overly positive to my opener. Neither of these were deliberate actions or goals I tried to achieve, rather they were the results of maintaining my frame by not changing how I'm acting based on the girl. My openers were hyper-direct and I hallucinogenically saw myself drawing my bow with my "yo" and sometimes arm tap, waiting for them to have my undivided attention, and shooting them with "you're cute", "you're pretty", "you're adorable", "you're attractive", etc. Didn't stumble over my words at all. And I stopped trying to justify to girls why I'm there on the campus. Didn't profusely apologize to girls I jumpscared, just waited for them to calm down and level out before opening them. Probably one of my best approach sessions to date (extreme positive exchange tilt is just a coincidence btw). Only thing I need to keep myself in check for is not letting "solid frame" be an excuse to be hyper rigid and devolving into robotic approaches again.

Thursday 12/02:
3#/15 + 1 fake, 0 ID
Met up with Ed_ again. It was fun to bounce ideas off of each other in between approaching. Also discovered some new places to approach thanks to him.
Only approach I really want to mention is this one, probably my favorite one of all time:

"Jumpscare" a girl when I walk up to her on the side and say "yo", wait for her to calm down, open, then she's like "omg you're so bold!". I continue to talk to her, and for each thing I tell her, she's like "omg you're so bold!". After like 45 seconds of talking she says "omg you're so bold! but i kinda have feelings for someone". The way she was saying it made me just want to continue interacting with her and push for like 4+ minutes (don't remember how many times). Literally for 4 minutes, everything she said was prefaced with "omg you're so bold". Eventually I got impatient and left and really regret not just taking her on an instadate by the hand or something. I literally don't know when I'll ever run into a girl like this again which is why I'm hitting myself for ejecting after 4 minutes.

https://v3.fastupload.co/file/10341 <-- audio because I captured exactly how she said "omg you're so bold"

Friday 12/03:
6#/35 + 2 fakes, 0 ID
Short morning session with lacroix, was like 1#/15 + 2 fakes on campus. Also it was raining. Also I accidentally approached a guy who had wavy hair and earrings and called him pretty. I heard his voice and his name and I instantly ejected. Absolutely solid. You can never tell with these Asians. Maybe it made his day at least.
Later it stopped raining so I went out to the area Ed showed me yesterday and I honestly did more exploring than approaching because the volume was really low. Took me like 3 hours to do roughly 20 approaches (there were periods of medium traffic here and there, and then long periods of like 0 people). I need to figure out when this place has real volume.

Date
21yo american-born chinese, Thursday 9pm, bar. pull+no hookup.
I literally remembered zero about this girl before I met her at the bar, because my tag in my phone was totally non-descriptive with just her major and "text 2 weeks from now". She arrives 11 minutes early. Holy shit???? I arrive 4 minutes early after I see her text that she's arrived. I was guessing she was going to be Asian since I don't usually tag that in my phone. I see some cute Asian girl with glasses standing by herself watching people ride the mechanical bull with a drink. But I decided just to text where she was anyway and then she looks back and spots me. I go up to her and kind of side-hug her since she was kind of against the wall. We sit down and have a chat for 15 minutes. She's pretty receptive to my random physical screening such as periodically putting my arm over her. I decide to play Mario Kart arcade with her for a round just because I wanted to (this bar has arcade games).
Then I bounce to another bar (which was honestly unnecessary, but I just felt like it. next time I won't do this). I mentioned that one of my favorite drinks is gin and tonic and she's never tried it so I order one for her at the second bar. She takes like 30 minutes to finish it and I'm schizzing out (lol not really, I was fine, I just wanted to say I was schizzing out). More random chat, try to get her to dance a bit but she's not into it. Anyway, after she finally finishes her drink, I just walk out with her to my place and she follows me in no resistance. Then she immediately asks where the bathroom is. I'm like "lol fuck, I'm about to get trolled so hard right now". I fiddle with my computer on my bed in the meanwhile.

She walks out of the bathroom on the phone like "you want me to come over right now?" Yup, called it. She walks in my room and tells me she has an "emergency". I won't log the entire interaction but to summarize, she's like "my friend's boyfriend wants to kill himself and he shut off his phone" *gets on phone*
me: "your friend can't talk to him?"
her: *gets off phone* "no I'm the only person who can talk to him" *gets on phone*
me: "stay for 30 minutes and then go"
her: *gets off phone* "let me check" *gets on phone*
her: *gets off phone* "no i think i have to go right now" *gets on phone*

Probably could have just said "ok go", but I decided to walk her out and give her a ride back (it was like 5 minutes away so I didn't really care). She scurries out of my car as soon as we reach.

I don't really care whether this actually happened or if it was just A+ acting (she really did a good job), because either way it's an absolutely amusing troll. If it was real, then the universe trolled me. If it was an excuse, then it's just a standard troll. Things like this happens to guys all the time so it's mileage for me.

What's interesting is that if I somehow were in this situation 3+ months ago, or if it were my first date of my life, I probably would have been hyper-obsessed with this girl and the situation. But thanks to approach, I see it with clarity and care zero. It's like, alright.

Approach Anxiety: Socially Anxious vs. Socially Disconnected
Read this part of my log first about why some guys may see results with "fewer approaches" than others due to previous sexual experience: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=23887#p23887

Been contemplating why some guys will inherently have more trouble with approach anxiety than others. I think this journal might provide value to guys trying to figure out why they have to incessantly grind with sustained action to beat their approach anxiety for months, while they perhaps see others overcome it extremely quickly.

Mark Manson proposes two categories of guys in his book "Models": socially anxious and socially disconnected. I'll just post this passage:

If tl;dr: Socially anxious guys are hyper-attuned to social norms and pay attention to the emotions of others, sometimes to the point of their own detriment. Socially disconnected guys are often "bold" and "fearless", but only because they are completely unaware/don't care about social norms, and often have trouble connecting with people.

These categories actually highlight why some guys will be able to get over approach anxiety in a relatively short time (e.g.: ~15 hours over a few days), while others can take months or maybe even years. Socially disconnected guys (like me), will have an inherent advantage to getting over approach anxiety, because most of their approach anxiety is mostly things like "I'm going to get kicked out of this place if I'm hitting on girls", "Do I have the right to talk to girls?". Any approach anxiety reasons related to how a specific girl might perceive the approach or otherwise non self-centered reasons are often shallower and are overcome relatively quickly, compared to the deep-rooted reasons. Once a socially disconnected guy overcomes his approach anxiety, he will often be doing approaches that many might perceive as audacious extremely early on (e.g. approach girl sitting at a table in a restaurant with 6 other people). But it should be clarified that it's not out of being inherently "ballsier", it's actually often out of being mostly oblivious to social norms and the emotions of the girl/surrounding people/situation he is in for those approaches. A brick wall socially disconnected guys will hit early on after getting over anxiety and getting their confidence up to where they want it is while they are "confident", they literally don't know what to do (extremely socially uncalibrated).

On the other hand, socially anxious guys will have a much harder time overcoming approach anxiety. I'm not socially anxious myself, but maybe other guys here who perceive themselves that way can chime in about their personal approach anxiety struggles (I would greatly appreciate it actually, since that would make this journal have even more value. Reply to this thread, and I'll edit them into this post. Most of what I'm writing here is how I've observed lacroix during approach sessions). Since these guys are so hyper-aware of the surroundings and their perception of how the girls whom they want to talk to will judge the approach, there's objectively more baggage to overcome and power through, as opposed to socially disconnected guys. Additionally, they may also have a harder time maintaining frame and their approach interactions will probably be more wildly affected by the girl's reactions (e.g.: being absolutely enamored and "in love" with a hyper-receptive girl while simultaneously taking lots of rejections where they can't even get past "hi" because they *think* the girl is ignoring them and wants to be left alone, when often that may not be the case). Even when they get into approach, they will have a long road of ramping up to more "audacious" approaches (e.g.: can only hit on girls who are doing absolutely nothing, can't hit on a girl in a group, can't hit on a girl walking, etc)

Obviously the above categories are more of a gradient rather than two discrete categories.

A mindset I might be able to provide for socially anxious guys (this was also one thing Ed_ and I were discussing on Thursday) is that 95%+ of the time, the girl is minding her own business and is completely "oblivious" to the surrounding environment that you've perceived to make approaching her "out of your place". Put more harshly, the universe doesn't care about you and neither does the girl. I say this from a positive perspective as it can potentially alleviate much of the emotional "responsibility" that socially anxious guys may put on themselves. You do your approach, and be firm about it, and then you can have an interaction with her and it'll be alright.
 
Honestly if a girl says that I'm just gonna say I have some one else coming over so its all good. Man approaching a dude, I think I've almost done that but I always try to do a little reconnaissance before I do anything. Like there was this tall blonde but then I heard them talking with their friend and realized it was a trans person. Dodged a bullet there. My buddy would say I'm socially unaware. But I think we are all a little bit of both just depends on which of the two you lean more into.

I've also noticed there are a lot of heavy women in my town. How is it in your town?
 
Jacobpalmer123 said:
I've also noticed there are a lot of heavy women in my town. How is it in your town?
My old city had more heavy chicks and I basically "had" to approach them because there was no volume and I was working on "approach x chicks per day". In Nashville and Austin it's more balanced, but I'll approach them if I think they have a cute face or large boobs/ass.
 
colgate said:
If tl;dr: Socially anxious guys are hyper-attuned to social norms and pay attention to the emotions of others, sometimes to the point of their own detriment.

Damn, this really hit home for me. This describes me completely and I hate it, I need to work on speaking without a filter (or much less of one). I'm gonna buy it anyway but what is your thoughts on the book?
 
Striker said:
colgate said:
If tl;dr: Socially anxious guys are hyper-attuned to social norms and pay attention to the emotions of others, sometimes to the point of their own detriment.

Damn, this really hit home for me. This describes me completely and I hate it, I need to work on speaking without a filter (or much less of one). I'm gonna buy it anyway but what is your thoughts on the book?

I read it back in May when I hadn't started talking to girls, I need to re-read it now and I'll get back to you.
 
colgate said:
Striker said:
Damn, this really hit home for me. This describes me completely and I hate it, I need to work on speaking without a filter (or much less of one). I'm gonna buy it anyway but what is your thoughts on the book?

I read it back in May when I hadn't started talking to girls, I need to re-read it now and I'll get back to you.
I love that book. It's required reading in my bootcamp lol jk. Really is one of if not the best best thing I've read on "game" right next to Andy's tinder guide.
 
Daygame
Monday 12/06:
4#/30, 0 ID
mileage highlight: went probably 1#/25 and then I ended up exchanging with 3 of the last 5 girls I approached.

Thursday 12/09:
1#/1
Not even a session, but I'll mention it because it was an interesting approach. Duo and I start chatting for a bit. The girls are like we're going to get ice cream. At first I was like "let's go together", and the girl I was talking to was like we're having a girls' night. But then her friend was like "omg no, go get ice cream with him". So we walked in, ordered ice creams, and the friend followed us. I invited Troy to come over and he started talking to the other girl. Then the four of us sat around outside chatting some more. I set up a date to meet with the girl I approached for Saturday 7pm (which she ended up cancelling) and we exchanged. Meanwhile, Troy was pushing for this other girl's number like 10x with various jokes such as "come on just give me a fake number so I can say I got it" (as an obvious joke). He was hugging and being hyper-physical with this other girl and all of us were laughing and having fun. Eventually we decided to leave and Troy was like "that girl is going to be thinking about me when she's fucking her boyfriend".

I was going to do more approaches but I ended up getting peer-pressured into taking some shots. Had way too many and came back out puking on the sidewalk while sitting on a bench. Couldn't even move my own body and had to be carried into the truck. Then I was over the toilet for like 2-3 hours. Definitely never doing that again loooool.

Friday 12/10:
3#/15, 0 ID
Met up with Ed_ who showed me another new place to approach. This place has decent volume on the weekends and is pretty close to my place so I can do instadates.

Saturday 12/11:
5#/40, 1 ID, 0 pull.
Went back to the place I went to with Ed on the previous day and had a long day (3+ hours). Most girls I approached were probably older than 30. Thought I was going to have a massive zero day and then around the 15-20th approach I finally exchanged with someone who was doing postdoc at the uni. Alright lol.

I've come to understand that during approach sessions, it's hardly that you're getting rejected, most girls are just closed off. I realized that before I went out today so today couldn't have been a better day to start off with something like 0/15~20. You're merely searching for the girls who are interested in continued interaction. Just like how guys are probably 19/20 times down to derail their whole day to spend time with a girl, reciprocally girls are 19/20 times not down to throw away what they're doing to spend time with a guy. Imagine if even some fairly average girl came up to you like "wanna watch a movie at your place?" with no strings attached. Maybe 90%+ of the time you'd be like, is this a troll? Okay! I'll postpone all my work and other plans. So when approaching, you're looking for the <10% of girls who'd do the same for you.

Instadate was with someone who said she was leaving tomorrow and had to meet a friend later that night so I figured I had enough time. Went to a cupcake+coffee shop and chatted for maybe 20-25 minutes. Then we walked around for a bit. Tried to pull with "let's go ride scooters" (and scootering back to my neighborhood), but she was like "nooo my friend is picking me up and I came here to meet him". We went back and forth for about a minute until she was like "I'm going to walk this way" and then I ejected without exchanging (since she was literally leaving tomorrow). Honestly I could have pushed more.

Almost had a second instadate with a FOB Korean chick who was also visiting literally just today. We walked into a taco shop expecting to maybe get 1 taco each, but it ended up being this "gourmet" tex-mex place. I didn't want to waste a lot of time and money so I explained that you can't just get 1 taco here and that we should leave. She was like "is that okay?" and I said "yeah" and we just left. Then she says she has an "appointment" in half an hour.
me: "what appointment"
her: "a steak appointment"
Interesting choice of words, anyway I decided to tell her we can meet in like 2-3 hours for a drink downtown (because she said the steak restaurant was downtown). We exchanged and then she ghosted when I tried to confirm (text and then call 30 min after the text).

--

Will be going back to my town for a week so let's see if any of my contacts go anywhere after I get back.

I started to write some thoughts here but they're still not ripened yet. Relates to a lot of discussion I've had with Ed over the past week. Will hopefully have some brainblast and write a bit here over the next week.

I'll just link this podcast episode since it's relevant: https://theinnerwinnershow.com/157/
 
colgate said:
On the other hand, socially anxious guys will have a much harder time overcoming approach anxiety. I'm not socially anxious myself, but maybe other guys here who perceive themselves that way can chime in about their personal approach anxiety struggles (I would greatly appreciate it actually, since that would make this journal have even more value. Reply to this thread, and I'll edit them into this post. Most of what I'm writing here is how I've observed @lacroix during approach sessions). Since these guys are so hyper-aware of the surroundings and their perception of how the girls whom they want to talk to will judge the approach, there's objectively more baggage to overcome and power through, as opposed to socially disconnected guys. Additionally, they may also have a harder time maintaining frame and their approach interactions will probably be more wildly affected by the girl's reactions (e.g.: being absolutely enamored and "in love" with a hyper-receptive girl while simultaneously taking lots of rejections where they can't even get past "hi" because they *think* the girl is ignoring them and wants to be left alone, when often that may not be the case). Even when they get into approach, they will have a long road of ramping up to more "audacious" approaches (e.g.: can only hit on girls who are doing absolutely nothing, can't hit on a girl in a group, can't hit on a girl walking, etc)

Oh man that's so me, it's not even funny.

First, if I skip a few days of approaching it really fucks me up. My social momentum/audacity falls to zero and struggle to hit on girls again.

Then, even if I warm up, it also takes me some time to stop caring about the "environment". There are times where I see a girl I want to approach, but I'll also see someone else around and this will make me skip the approach. The other person can be doing whatever. They could be looking the other way, staring in the distance. They can be 10 feet behind or in front of the girl. Whatever. There's no rhyme or reason for those cases, I just can't approach. My worst place is the main shopping street in Athens. I could hit on 3-5 girls per minute there (180-300 hard deflections per hour, Jesus) but there are sooo many people around that I just freeze.

I can't tell you for sure about frame since I think it's mainly a PUA term and I don't have much experience.

I also struggle with audacious approaches. Basically, I don't struggle, I just don't do them. Ever. Hitting on a girl in a duo is a no-no for me. My brain comes up with lots of rationalizations but I know it's just a way to protect my ego.

Another thing: when I'm daydreaming, I imagine myself debating people about things I'm doing and coming up with amazing arguments that shut them up. So, even when I'm goofing around, I'm still trying to protect some of the choices I've been making for years (being self employed, picking polygamy, approaching girls, choosing not to travel, painting my nails more recently etc).

Finally, the biggest frustration in me is discovering how compartmentalized the entire game is...and how variable my performance is in each section.

For example, I had no problem physically screening girls when I first discovered the term. I think I went all the way from holding hands to kissing super fast on my 2nd or 3rd girl. This came naturally to me. But with approaching it's a struggle.

In fact, while writing this, I had an aha moment: For me, the struggle has nothing to do with the girl. If it had, I wouldn't physically escalate with girls I've known for 1 minute and I would be afrai to invite them home 25-30 minutes into the date. What fucks me up is the environment or, "what would others think". Moving forward I should laser focus on a girl I want to approach and don't even look at others. I actually do it sometimes involuntarily when I think I'll skip the approach and it helps me.

Damn, thanks for this man.

lemme know if there are any spots in your bootcamp
 
Crisis_Overcomer said:
I can't tell you for sure about frame since I think it's mainly a PUA term and I don't have much experience.

I wasn't introduced to cold approach from PUA (actually I was introduced to it from KYIL haha) and I tend to avoid most "pickup artist" advice as most gains from approach come from actually approaching + being forward + being calibrated + self improvement. But I think frame is a good concept. I've come to understand that it means doing what you want to do and not changing your plans/intent based on others.

There are times where it may be in your best interest to break away from your frame, but if you don't know what you want to do (my biggest personal weakness due to lack of experience) and you're not firm about taking the lead, that would be considered no frame/bad frame.
 
Going to post something positive on my log because I want to preserve this feeling (especially for my future self as I keep approaching and having new experiences).

I've felt tremendous gratitude lately. Before joining the forums, I had already had many advantages in my favor to start working on myself. A remote job that makes good money so I have freedom of location, and a housemate who helped me get through many of my deeper personal issues over some camping trips, occasional drives, and late night house chats. We had basically helped each other dissect a lot of our deep personal issues that inevitably surfaced when we and another friend decided to jettison ourselves out into the middle of nowhere a year and a half ago. The housemate and I have completely different backgrounds and situations, but somehow ended up manifesting many of the same personal issues (ie: women, not feeling like we belong in the world, no social freedom, etc). Weekends out in the middle of nowhere in e.g. West Virginia was probably the best therapy I could have received before coming here to the forums.

Additionally, I've never been through many painful and psychologically damaging relationships that many of my friends have been through. I basically have the privilege of starting my progress with girls from a clean slate; I didn't have to destroy many preconceived notions I had about women and relationships because I essentially had no experience to draw data from in the first place.

I'm also grateful to my parents for working hard in their lives in India and being able to move to the US, and as a result having the privilege of being raised in one of the best countries to live in (at the time). I've never had to see poverty or be worried about whether I'd be able to eat or sleep. Never been in a situation where I think today might be my last day on earth. It's a hurdle I've never had to overcome, and I can more directly take the action I'd like to sooner rather than later.

I'm also at the perfect age to be starting self-improvement and getting good with women. I'm 25 and I can see the best years are ahead of me. I haven't had to face the fact that my body would be deteriorating or my mental capacity/flexibility declining. I truly feel I'm at the genesis of living the life I'd like to live.

I look at many people surrounding me, and I've been especially cognizant of it lately, and can mildly extrapolate to some degree how trapped they must feel. No ability to leave their situation, being unaware of the happiness and lifestyles other people have, and not even having the slightest clue of how they could get out of their daily monotony and misery. It's something you become able to read on people's faces and how they treat themselves.

I remember joining this forum still feeling trapped myself. You can see it in my early logs (examples: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19502#p19502 and https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=19456#p19456). I was frustrated and sad at my self-perceived lack of social freedom. I'm not all the way where I want to be yet regarding that feeling, but I certainly don't feel trapped anymore. This juxtaposition became immediately obvious to me today where I approached a girl in the parking lot with cool nails. She was literally about to enter her car door. Had I waited one more second, we would have never met. I literally felt compelled to approach her. It was like, the total opposite of anxiety. I would have had to actively resist not approaching her (I actually felt that way yesterday when I went to Huntsville, Alabama to hang out with my housemate. There was a cute waitress and I was literally schizzing out from not being able to approach her since I came to that city to hang out with my housemate for the afternoon. Maybe I should have just called her cute anyway without expecting anything in return.). My <25 year old self wouldn't have even comprehended this feeling. The juxtaposition here is that I was literally in this same area 3 months ago, cowering in my head, not being able to go up to random girls I found attractive. Before I even knew about approach, she would have just been a passing thought of "I wish I knew her, I wish she were with me right now", and then I would have gone about my day with a slight sense of dissatisfaction and acceptance that it was something never meant to be. Now at least, I can plant the seed to get to know these girls better.

I thought about why I feel this way now, despite not having many "positive outcomes" yet. It's because I was forced to handle many "negative outcomes" up front. This kind of gratitude isn't something that one could possibly feel from purely positive things happening to them. I remember being in Nashville and despite making out with some girl in a classroom from a cold approach instadate and grabbing 80+ contacts over roughly 300 approaches within around 5 days, getting banned from the university and ghosted by 90%+ of my contacts put me out of approach for 2+ weeks. I had hardly experienced any adversity yet, and this was the needed balance the universe sent me.

Recognizing I could either be zero and quit or try my best despite my low "aptitude", I just decided "fuck this" and moved again and started approaching in a new city instead. The way I'm framing this is despite receiving some "blow" from putting myself out there, I decided to just continue approaching anyway. It's why I had that lucid dream about being on the highway in the desert and how I truly internalized "rejection is mileage". This mindset cementing itself in my brain combined with being in the same location I was before I had all these experiences, yet feeling completely different is why I'm starting to feel gratitude lately. When you can handle negative outcomes and adversity and decide to continue anyway, negative thoughts and events strip away, and all that's left is the positive.

Lately, my current issues have been low self-esteem/self-worth and feelings of "empty confidence". Normally I would have written some long log drilling deep into those issues and dwelled upon them, but I somehow felt like it was unnecessary. I just observed that those thoughts come up, and felt I should let them pass. I'm at the dawn of being a total rock towards adversity in my life. It's an amazing feeling and something I'd never thought I'd feel in my life.
 
Returned to Austin on Christmas day.

Moving out
I went back to my town with the intent of moving out within a week but I psyched myself out by having some defined outcome. So I spent a week doing absolutely nothing.

Then I realized I was starting to feel like I could sleep all day and work on my computer and do nothing else forever if I wanted to, which is what I did for much of 2021 up until around this summer. It was this feeling of "comfort", and that's when I realized optimizing comfort rather than chasing adversity results in dissatisfaction and regret. You can only grow when you seek discomfort.

Realizing I didn't want to be stuck in my town forever, I got to work on getting rid of my stuff. Rather than giving myself a timeboxed goal and psyching myself out again, I focused on what process will eventually get me to the inevitable outcome that will get my stuff out of the house. I just took it a day at a time, getting rid of the easiest possible thing I could get rid of right in that moment. Turns out it only took me 4 days to get rid of everything.

Every time I was selling, donating, or disposing of a batch of items I felt less and less suffocated. I think I had so much trouble doing this over the past few months because I was so outcome-oriented with having my stuff out by a certain time, rather than just focusing on the process itself and letting the completion time happen when it happens.

Anyway, I don't have to go back to my town anymore. Everything I own (except my bed in Austin) fits in my car, and I still have plenty of things I am going to get rid of here in Austin that I couldn't in my old town. I actually felt a sense of discomfort a few hours before I was going to drive back to Austin. Like I don't have a "home base" anymore, I'm officially a nomad. But it was a good feeling because I realized I don't need comfort in my life.

Nightgame
So I had a period where I was really not doing much nightgame at all. I felt that despite getting over my core anxiety, I genuinely didn't enjoy going out at night. I think the biggest thing that pissed me off about going out at night was talking to a seemingly receptive girl, only to get immediately cockblocked by the friends. Also, nightgame seems to expose my social unawareness more than day. And I didn't like having to have long random conversations with girls.

However, I realized my night macro volume is only around lifetime 200 approaches, vs daygame is around 800. And things like being cockblocked by friends is just mileage, *even* if the girl is receptive. I guess I hadn't truly internalized it for nightgame as much as daygame. I think I'll remember to cross-pollinate concepts I'm learning from daygame into nightgame more often to keep myself in check.

Anyway I went out for 2 night sessions with lacroix and Troy. Low volume on both nights, I approached only 5 girls on each night and got 1 number on each day.

First girl I got a number from I shouldn't have gotten the number. She was really receptive to me initially but I got psyched out when she said "well it was nice meeting you!" after maybe 5 minutes so I just exchanged with her. I texted the next day what she did last night and said that I went home to drink wine with my friends. She responded to that with "it was so fun!" but then ghosted when I invited her out for drinks.

Second number I got was after she said she was going to another place. I told her I'll go with y'all but she said that it was a "girls' night out". So I just grabbed the number haha.

Daygame
I did start going for instadates again before I left Austin, but my own limiting beliefs about instadates and logistics were really highlighted to me when I saw a guy in the daygame chat living in SF have some instadate+pull+smashes from driving girls from the mall to his place 5 minutes away. So there's no reason why I couldn't do it too. Now I'm regretting even more that I deliberately didn't ask for instadates in the first half of November.

Spammed all the contacts I have saved in my phone with "merry christmas! (tree emoji)". I did this over Thanksgiving too. I have 46 contacts right now, and 5 responded. Out of those 5 who responded, 3 of them subsequently ghosted when I asked e.g. what they did over christmas, if they're in Austin, what they're up to this week. The other 2 deferred (out of town). So basically all of my leads are dead now lol.

Sunday 11/26:
~20 approaches, 0 ID, 3 numbers over 2-3 hours

First sesh in 2 weeks.

Shopping street had mostly just families and cute girls with their boyfriends. I think I only approached 2 or 3 solo girls. Actually I now dislike when there are no solo girls because I can't instadate them and I can only just go for the number. Or maybe that's a limiting belief. I haven't even genuinely tried it.

Regarding non-approach AA, I did actually skip out on the first duo I wanted to approach. 30 seconds later I'm like wtf I need to approach them, but they already vanished. I was so pissed about blowing my approach window that my confidence basically shot back up to where it was before I left Austin in an instant. So I am feeling that confidence reversal from non-approach is much slower now at around 800 or so lifetime approaches.

Compare this to my previous 2-week hiatuses at ~100: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=21304#p21304 and at ~400: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=23546#p23546. At lifetime ~100 approaches + 2 week hiatus, it took me one day of non-approach and a day of mousy approaches to get back up to my baseline. At ~400, it took me a day of being "nervous" and missing out on half of the girls I wanted to talk to to get back up. Now at ~800 it literally took me missing one approach to get back up. So I can confirm that raw approach volume builds confidence rather than outcomes.

OLD
I actually do OLD here and there but I rarely log about it. From my limited exposure to it over the past month or so, OLD seems to be good for forcing me to improve my texting. Unlike approach where I can get volume, I don't get a lot of likes on Tinder so I can't get away with firehose spamming a template to every girl. I probably get 0-5 likes every time I boost and random likes at other times. I've been having more deregulated and unstructured text conversations similar to an approach with girls on Tinder, with some help from Rags2Bitches. This seems to get girls to respond more often I've noticed.

I'm logging about this now because I matched with a girl yesterday and we had been talking for a couple hours on Tinder. I went for the number but she said she'd rather do snap. I decided to play along and add her on snapchat, and now we've been messaging on snapchat for a few hours today. My mindset here has been treating texting this girl as part of a date, rather than just jumping to invite her out.

Now I'm thinking of figuring out how I can experiment with this non-soup style from cold approach leads. Like transferring some of what I'd initially talk about on a date over text, and see if my contact->date conversions increase. It's similar to how I stopped having hyper short 20-30 second approaches and switched to 2-3 minute conversations and it improved my approach->date conversions. But I'm still extra soupy over text so it might make sense to experiment with being more organic and less soupy with numbers from cold approach, given that I've gotten ghosted less often on OLD being organic.
 
I very much doubt that having long conversations over text will lead to increased date conversion (assuming you haven't already set a fixed date and time with the girl), but I'm always up for seeing the results of an experiment.
 
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