Paw
Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2022
colgate said:1. stop the girl if she's walking with "hey, [excuse me]". try to make sure she's standing still and paying attention. very occasionally i'll walk and talk but i'm veering away from this.
2. some opener. ranging from "hey, you're pretty/cute [and i wanted to meet you]" to "you're cute as fuck" to "you're freaking adorable" to some specific compliment about her style/clothes/hair/whatever.
3. "what are you up to" (honestly i might cut this one out, i find myself feeling kind of awkward when i ask this)
4. small talk and cold read basic questions until there's something i can latch onto
5. make future projections about traveling (because i like that), adlib. usually at this point i feel pretty comfortable and can talk about anything and it doesn't feel like an "approach" anymore
6. pitch instadate and/or probe date logisitics
7. if not instadate, grab the number
1+2 I basically do the same. Here in Mexico I always say "Hablas ingles?" at first. Anywhere else, I would just say "hey".
3. I agree that you could cut this out and go directly to 4, cold reading - that's what I usually do. Just some observation about her basically. Got this from Mark Manson. Instead of saying "what are you studying?", you say "you look like a student, probably something artsy". It's way more interesting since she will think "what made him think this about me". For asking "what are you up to", I don't think it's a bad question, but it goes directly into interview mode imo.
5. Do you mean future projections about traveling together with her? If so, I would cut that out. You can talk about your own travels or where you wanna go, but if you're "planning" things together with her it might come off as extra pressure for her, especially since you JUST met and traveling is not something you "just do", like meeting up for wine would be.
6+7 sound good. For going for the instant date, this is the point I would ask "what are you up to right now?", to check if she's actually available. It's better to get a yes for the number+future date than it is to get a no to the instant date and yes to the number. Also, when you ask for the number, make sure she knows the purpose is to meet up with you within the next few days.
colgate said:I've also been lightly touching the girl's arm and etc here and there. I think once I get past the initial hurdle of "uhhh I'm talking to someone I don't know but I'm interested sexually" and I have things I can talk about with them, I loosen up and my vibe is more playful and I tease a lot. But the first part of the interaction, I'm honestly quite robotic and at times slightly aggressive too for some reason. I think there are a couple approaches where I somehow felt genuine and playful up front, but it's very inconsistent and probably 1/15-20 approaches. Being able to get this to become all of my approaches will help me a lot.
Physicality is good. I always at least shake hands and end with a hug. Touching arms/shoulder/head is also pretty common for me.
For being robotic - do you smile when you open? I think you can learn to have a playful vibe off the bat, even if what you're saying is the same stuff. There's a BIG difference between going up with a light-hearted vibe and a smile rather than robotically going through "the opener", "the next step" etc.