colgate / bulldog
Member
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2021
- Goal
- BANG!! japanese chicks!
- Age
- 27
- Motto
- consistency. acceptance. tumescence.
- Location
- tokyo, japan
So in my last approach log, I wrote this.
While this is all true, I've actually realized it leads down a dark path. Which I'm about to explain, and then I'll talk about what I'm going to do going forward.
Daygame
Wednesday 3/9: 7 approaches, 1 instadate, 0 pull.
Thursday 3/10: ~20 approaches, 0 instadates.
I went out super late on Wednesday because I had SHIT! time management.
But regardless, I noticed a very outcome-oriented and defeatist trend in my past 2 sessions. No longer was I approaching just girls I found attractive, but I pared the scope down to "girls I think will instadate". So obviously solo girls, but even then I wasn't super driven. I felt like I was deliberately not approaching girls who were walking fast, into stores, etc. Essentially I was trying to (incorrectly) optimize for whom I thought would be most likely to instadate.
What I noticed is that I felt drained. I felt way less motivated to approach in the first place, because I was artificially limiting myself. I wasn't approaching honestly, like I usually do. Usually I just approach whomever is attractive, regardless of the situation. And then I calibrate to the situation accordingly and try to veer it towards an instadate if possible, otherwise I try to have a good interaction with the girl and maybe her friends.
But this takes a dark turn, because every time I stopped myself from approaching a certain girl, the justification that "she's not going to meet up with you, why bother" would come up in my head. Essentially, while I do think "getting the girl's number" means mostly jack shit, I overshot it as in "just getting her contact is like being rejected, because she's going to ghost you anyway". And it's true that you get ghosted majority of the time.
Thinking this way is extremely unhealthy because it puts the belief in your head that no girl would want to meet up with you in the future, so getting her to instadate is all you got. While I think it's way easier to get an instadate and I can get a lot of cool experiences that way, I need to still pick up contacts when I can instead of acting totally defeatist about them.
And it's certainly not the case that zero girls want to meet up with me. I've gone on arranged dates with 3 girls in the past 30 days. Which is way more than zero. And way more than I ever had in my whole life up until I started approaching (0 dates). Just because the ratio is something like 3 dates/70-80 contacts doesn't mean I should stop picking up contacts (by the way, I did pick up around 3 or 4 contacts in my past 2 sessions, but I just tried to make it incidental). I've had approach sessions where I'd pick up 3 contacts over ~70 approaches. But that didn't stop me from approaching, I just continued. And likewise, contacts->dates is similar. Remember when I had a week packed with dates in November over only around 40-50 contacts? I guess it was hard for me to see the contact->date wave play out since the duration of time is much longer than approach->contact waves.
And I wonder how many guys even go on 3 dates in a month? That's not great or anything, but I think it's better than the average guy. It's something I ought to be grateful for, not depressed about.
So going forward, still going to focus primarily on instadates. But I mainly need to figure out how I can get the girl to invest in me during the approach so it's more likely the contact means something. And I shouldn't avoid approaching girls just because I think it's only going to lead to a contact exchange. Basically mainly instadates but keep arranged dates on the backburner and don't forget about them.
colgate said:Honestly, I'm not really going to bother mentioning contact exchanges because I want to focus way more on instadates. I've had probably close to 20 instadates in the past 1.5 months and have managed to get the girl either in my car or to my place (or both) 4-5 times. (although I pulled twice from regular dates here).
Compared to having only going on regular dates with 3 girls, and those regular dates took 70+ contacts to get. I especially thought my session on Sunday was excellent and thought I had some solid contacts but they all ghosted.
Additionally, even the approaches @pancakemouse saw and said "that was really good!!!" also ghosted (except one, who agreed to meet for date, then cancelled, then ghosted). So I'm only taking contacts (incidentally) if I think I'm getting the girl to "invest" in meeting up with me for a date and setting plans on the spot, but it's not going to be something I focus on. Because I can get a girl to just give me her phone number, and then nothing happens. And it's pretty annoying to have so many phone numbers and maybe have the sporadic text convo which also goes nowhere moment I pitch meeting up. And then it's the worst when she agrees to meet up but then cancels on the day of. Just a huge headache honestly, when I can instadate instead.
While this is all true, I've actually realized it leads down a dark path. Which I'm about to explain, and then I'll talk about what I'm going to do going forward.
Daygame
Wednesday 3/9: 7 approaches, 1 instadate, 0 pull.
Thursday 3/10: ~20 approaches, 0 instadates.
I went out super late on Wednesday because I had SHIT! time management.
But regardless, I noticed a very outcome-oriented and defeatist trend in my past 2 sessions. No longer was I approaching just girls I found attractive, but I pared the scope down to "girls I think will instadate". So obviously solo girls, but even then I wasn't super driven. I felt like I was deliberately not approaching girls who were walking fast, into stores, etc. Essentially I was trying to (incorrectly) optimize for whom I thought would be most likely to instadate.
What I noticed is that I felt drained. I felt way less motivated to approach in the first place, because I was artificially limiting myself. I wasn't approaching honestly, like I usually do. Usually I just approach whomever is attractive, regardless of the situation. And then I calibrate to the situation accordingly and try to veer it towards an instadate if possible, otherwise I try to have a good interaction with the girl and maybe her friends.
But this takes a dark turn, because every time I stopped myself from approaching a certain girl, the justification that "she's not going to meet up with you, why bother" would come up in my head. Essentially, while I do think "getting the girl's number" means mostly jack shit, I overshot it as in "just getting her contact is like being rejected, because she's going to ghost you anyway". And it's true that you get ghosted majority of the time.
Thinking this way is extremely unhealthy because it puts the belief in your head that no girl would want to meet up with you in the future, so getting her to instadate is all you got. While I think it's way easier to get an instadate and I can get a lot of cool experiences that way, I need to still pick up contacts when I can instead of acting totally defeatist about them.
And it's certainly not the case that zero girls want to meet up with me. I've gone on arranged dates with 3 girls in the past 30 days. Which is way more than zero. And way more than I ever had in my whole life up until I started approaching (0 dates). Just because the ratio is something like 3 dates/70-80 contacts doesn't mean I should stop picking up contacts (by the way, I did pick up around 3 or 4 contacts in my past 2 sessions, but I just tried to make it incidental). I've had approach sessions where I'd pick up 3 contacts over ~70 approaches. But that didn't stop me from approaching, I just continued. And likewise, contacts->dates is similar. Remember when I had a week packed with dates in November over only around 40-50 contacts? I guess it was hard for me to see the contact->date wave play out since the duration of time is much longer than approach->contact waves.
And I wonder how many guys even go on 3 dates in a month? That's not great or anything, but I think it's better than the average guy. It's something I ought to be grateful for, not depressed about.
So going forward, still going to focus primarily on instadates. But I mainly need to figure out how I can get the girl to invest in me during the approach so it's more likely the contact means something. And I shouldn't avoid approaching girls just because I think it's only going to lead to a contact exchange. Basically mainly instadates but keep arranged dates on the backburner and don't forget about them.