colgate - FINALLY!!! i get my first daygame lay!!! after 3 years!!!

[colgate / bulldog]

spent yesterday evening studying a 40000 character japanese instadate lay guide that i bought for $40. i'm still only halfway done with it but i have more than enough new knowledge to work with

god damn my japanese reading speed is like a quarter of my english reading speed and that's if i'm fully in the zone. (fuck u chinese ppl who can already basically read japanese)

but it was very comprehensive and included recordings and copious diagrams so i'm gonna be getting my money's worth referencing a lot

View attachment 3
stack for getting to an instadate lay 弾丸即 (this is part of the free preview so not illegal to post this image)

won't get into the details rn, just here to report my sesh

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53 approaches over 2.5 hours (1.5h sesh then another 1h sesh)
1 contact
View attachment 2
View attachment 1


another day of slamming the gas to get my mileage in. last sesh i got 4 contacts so i was expecting a brutal day.

this time i felt fuckin great, it was the girls that didn't lmao.

i tried to make sure i stopped girls properly instead of half assing it. there were a few times it was still half-assed but i'm getting used to the new way

what's interesting with stopping girls the new way (in front diagonally) is that i almost never got completely ignored.

however, i got plenty of faces of total fucking disgust

me from even a month ago would have gotten super emo and depressed and blackpilled about it. but one thing that the instadate lay guide mentioned is this "disgust" is totally normal. like as in it's not even rare. in fact, it means you're probably stopping correctly (because you got the girl to confirm your existence, even if it was total repulsion)

anyway, i think my approach anxiety is basically cured. but i'm still not used to the amount of work this takes. i get distracted too easily aimlessly walking around. ~50 approaches is still like half of the work i need to be doing. of course, down the line i think sessions will vary between 60-100 depending on instadates, conversations and etc but everything i read says 100 is the magic number. so i need to keep hustling towards that. bought the counter to help with measuring my work because i don't think i can keep track of approaches at this point.

got probably 5-6 "real convos", and one that ultimately ended in an exchange

a glaring problem i'm observing is that the girls who end up talking to me don't really want to talk to me. out of maybe 250-300 approaches i've done since i came here, i can think of exactly 2 interactions where the girl was actually also playing catchball with me and not just reacting.

the obvious factor is that my fashion/style is still trash. that will be fixed starting next month because i'll be getting paid coaching about it. i hummed and hawed but ultimately i want someone to just pay attention to ME!!! and my current japanese nampa acquaintances are either too busy or lukewarm to help me. plus reading information on the internet just makes me gaslight myself (more on that in a future post...)

the other factor is that my nonverbals and even probably verbals are also trash. though my friend says my recordings are improving soooooooo who knows lmao. hoping the coaching will help with diagnosing things i can't see for myself

btw footnote: everything i'm saying basically only applies to japan. so take anything i say from now on with a grain of salt. i'm not providing any tips or advice, just want to report from the land of the catgirls and bunnygirls

 

[colgate / bulldog]

after moving 4 times, including to literally another country

approaching thousands of girls

throwing out my clothes and redoing my wardrobe thrice (many more redos to come btw)

hitting the gym, gaining 20 lbs, and literally shooting up roids naturally sourced vitamins and organ meat

meeting the most stellar group of people i'll probably meet in my life

biting hard into the blackpill, and then puking it out in order to continue anyway

the ultimate boss has revealed itself

the bedrock pill

18 months of experience led me to find my true make or break moment

there is no extreme impulse decision i can do to get out of this one

for its very definition is the antithesis to impulsivity

i've run out of impulse decisions to make anyway. now i'm in japan surrounded by anime girls 24/7. is there any other decision to make?

this is the ultimate test of my entire life.

my entire life is on the line now. either i will be able to careen to the top echelons of society or get deported back to america and literally die.

i have no middle ground. there's no "oh whatever get some job and then get married and grow old". maybe for some of you, you might actually have that option. but i and many others don't. that wasn't possible for me because the complacent path i was put on was absolutely horrific, absolutely degrading, and absolutely insulting.

it's either that or have my harem of anime girls

god rolled the dice and told me i have to live life to the extreme

was any of this worth it?

...
...
...

consistency

it taunts me

it laughs in my face

i don't want to bring it along for the ride.

i only like doing new things. i love just being spiked and spiking myself all the time.

it's an anvil i won't lug around

...

and yet unlike roadrunner, the coyote hits me with it every time

i dream to swiftly dash around it, enjoy the ride, and get to my destinations

yet every so often, after i deny its necessity for the 47th time, lo and behold, it smashes me into the pavement, my spattered guts roasting on the asphalt, ready for some ホルモン焼き

and yet i can pick myself up, and start over.

but i never bring it along

so i just flagellate in place

repeatedly getting slammed by the anvil. and somehow i'm still here.

but because i'm still here i just accept this as my mode of existence.

...
...
...

yes, as i said earlier, there is no impulse decision around this one.

the very definition of consistency is sticking to a plan. over a looooong period of time.

guys talk about "passing shit tests from girls" but i can't even fucking pass the shit tests from myself. i'm fucking over

...
...
...

"oh i have x base stats with y upbringing yielding z personality that isn't helping me while all these other people are all blah blah whine complain"

ok but no

...
...
...

monday: no approach
tuesday: no approach
wednesday: 40 approaches, 1 contact
thursday: no approach (ok i actually got sick)
friday: 4 approaches
saturday: 10 approaches

it's fucking retarded how 2 weeks of hitting the streets nearly every day, or at least 6 days a week got flushed down the toilet from one week of half-assedry. both yesterday and today felt like my first days approaching ever. it doesn't matter that i could get an instadate or an almost instapull last week, i fell off and got punished.

i'm still barely tipping the scales at 71kg, there's no reason why i could not have been 75kg now, ready to evaluate my body. it's not that i have been eating enough calories and I'm reaching a ceiling, no i just stopped paying attention to food for a few months and now my weight is trickling down.

and there's no random magic hat decision i can make to revert these. there's no fucking undo button. and even if there were it wouldn't serve any purpose because i'd just keep making the same mistakes.

...
...
...

it cloaked itself as many things. wrong location, unattractive looks, strange behaviors.

but with nothing left, all external bullshit variables isolated, now the truth has come forward

consistency

i'm writing all of this because i can't hide from it anymore. everything else has been taken away. i don't have a looks problem, and i even have proof i'm not completely unattractive personality wise. both are fixable and moot anyway if you apply consistency

and the only ready way around it is... literally to stick to a plan over a long period of time.

subpar looks? go to the gym for x amount of time until you get noticed based on your body alone. fashion may seem like an impulse decision, but it ends up being a life project and just one fashion overhaul doesn't fix it all

unattractive behavior? this is the hardest. not only do you have to put yourself in a situation where you're talking to a girl regularly, you have to be aware of what's unattractive in the first place. but that's the easy part. the hard part is consistently and repeatedly zoning in on specific unwanted traits and fixing them on the fly. after all, i'm at a stage where i act differently around people i'm comfortable with and around a girl i just approached, and even the behavior i have when i'm around people i'm comfortable with is up for debate on whether it's attractive to girls. "just be yourself" doesn't apply to someone like me unfortunately. regardless, this requires consistency to fix

we could go on and list things that need to be worked on. that's not really the point of this post

but every single one of the above issues are completely surface level. all fixable.

there's no "injectable consistency serum" i can legally get a prescription for from a trusted medical professional and shoot in my ass twice a week

and 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months is not enough. hell i barely last that long on many things

there's no fucking defined time period on any of these. it's literally "do it until you have the desired result. and then probably keep doing it". you have no safety of "defined time period"

uh, ok I have to eventually end this post lol.

the ending is that i have laid all my cards out on the table and i have to stop losing my own brain's shit tests. not much else that can be said

 

[Sisyphus]

Great post. Just approach and dont give a fuck.

The closest thing to a consistency or discipline serum is a mentor. You should get the best mentor money can buy.

It will also alleviate a lot of personality/behavioral unattractiveness insecurities, since you'll get proper feedback. If you have a good coach, he'll lay out good resources, excercises and mindsets that are proven to work. There's no guesswork, no fumbling in the dark.

So that headspace that you need to use to self assess if your doing things right or wrong, will now become available to take action.

Trust your fucking mentor.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

https://note.com/takalifechanging/n/n62cbaffcedd1

bookmarking this to my log

40yo probably normal looking dude does 7-day 100 approach challenge. by no means a top guy but probably a good starting point

682 approaches, 6 contacts, 2 failed instadates, 1 instadate lay

posting because i'm still flipping out but on the other hand i haven't even tried flooring it yet this hard. and seeing more """realistic""" results from likely beginners is more helpful. i'm not used to the level of rejection that happens here in japan lol

i kind of wish i was here in japan when i was totally fresh a year and a half ago and i had no random ''''scars'''' from ''''past experiences''''. but it is what it is.

another thing is i generally notice top level guys never post approach counts or contacts. they usually just post locations, instadate/pull fails, mid sesh thoughts and feelings, and lays. they'll be like "my feet fucking hurt and it's raining. ok time to keep on approaching"

btw idk if i mentioned it on my log yet but i'm getting 3 months of paid coaching from a top guy here from june onward (he also does photoshoots and online in the program, so for those of you who are like "bro why are you approaching just use the apps" here u go lol)

he already told me the first month is a fashion overhaul and i already did a session of laser hair removal and hair straightening.

prepare for the fucking kpop idol phase colgate lmao

 

[colgate / bulldog]

pin for personal use

There are three choices:
1. Do nothing
2. Pretend to be more masculine
3. Actually become more masculine

If what you are is something you find undesirable, you can choose to become something else. My natural state is sitting in my boxers at 3pm playing video games and masturbating. I didn't betray that identity, I killed it.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

oh my fucking god this is out of nowhere

this was actually my side project and i was keeping it under wraps... did not expect to be revealing it here today

also btw, if any of the dialogue sounds weird/uncalibrated or even fake, note that i'm translating/paraphrasing it from japanese. so there might be things you just don't say in english. idk lol.

enjoy y'all



褐色人に惚れ込んじゃった！
Kasshokujin ni horekonjatta!
"i fell for a brown guy!"




第1話　冗談
episode 1: joke

On that serene April morning in Tokyo, the sakura blossom trees shed their milky pink petals, defying gravity, riding the crisp spring wind as they fluttered slowly towards the ground....

nah fuck that shit that's fuckin gay



yes, every anime and visual novel starts with the fucking transfer student of course blah blah

so a new student from china showed up to my japanese class about 2 weeks in.

she's 18!!! wow!!!

now i'm basically a fucking obnoxious asshole in japanese class. i literally hadn't taken any kind of test in like 4 years so i kinda got placed in a lower class than i maybe should be in. but i'm totally cool with it because i basically get to show up to class without ever studying and get straight As, i can focus on more important things, like hitting on girls lol!

basically if there's any environment where i know i am acting 100% like myself and unfiltered, it's here. i'm stripped of having to conform to american social rules that i still barely understand. i'm also the best at speaking japanese (ok like every chinese person beats me at reading tho) and i'm the most jacked guy and i also have money...so i accidentally ran into a place where i'm the high value guy. no wonder why i feel like i can do whatever i want in this class.

anyway, the day this 18 year old!!! transfer student came to our class, we had to give a presentation on some polls we made for other students.

now my autistic ass doesn't act less autistic in japanese, so i ended up going on some ad-libbed tangents about random hypothetical scenarios and why i thought the data we collected wasn't great and how it could have been better blah blah. sensei pulled me aside after class like "i got what u said but i don't think anyone else did, u need to cut down what u say next time lol"

ok enough blowing up my ego about my japanese ability, there's more exciting things i get to blow up my ego about.



one day i ran 10 minutes late to class and my usual seat was taken. the seat next to the aforementioned 18 year old!!! transfer student happened to be open so i just sat there without thinking

ok but wait, she actually likes speaking japanese??? and understands it???

hold up

ok most people at school basically hardly use japanese and just default to their native language when talking to their friends. i guess that makes sense but since i'm an autist weirdo i hate it. why did u come to japan????? do u even have japanese friends????? no wonder why u can't speak japanese, cuz u never speak it in the first place!!! just sound like a retard its ok. i might be 26 but i pretend i'm a 7 year old when i'm speaking japanese

anyway we actually get along pretty well as she excitedly talks to me the whole class.

i don't actually know what we talked about but at the end of class...

can u sit next to me from now on?


...


in his book breaking the habit of being yourself, joe dispenza tells the reader that in order to actualize any reality, you must firmly believe in a certain goal and associate it with positive emotions.

time is not one-dimensional and unidirectional, every possible reality is in a "quantum field", and it is possible to "jump timelines" through the above means. apparently you need to "collapse the wave function bro" in order to actualize your dreams.

View attachment 7


whether you believe that new age feelgood barely science or not, if you focus on the big honkin' tree, you're gonna slam right into the big honkin' tree. focus on the fuckin road dude.


...


ok. let's just gf this girl. why the hell not. that's the road we will take.

i've posted my stories in the past about girls on other threads (https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=42&t=1170). my entire life up until age 25 was total regret regarding girls. now i'm literally being handed on a silver platter the most obvious chance to get an experience that i was supposed to have years ago.



this girl and i vibe quite a bit during the following classes. eventually, one day after class i'm like yo u been to my station (in tokyo, urban development is usually centered around big train stations). it's pretty cool let's eat lunch there.

she accepts and we go to some random italian pasta restaurant.

guys, i have ended racism. indian guy raised in america moves to japan to eat italian food with his chinese classmate.

...this is the first time i'm ever eating lunch with someone who isn't chinese....
oh u don't have japanese friends?
no....i only know chinese people....

ok so that was "date 1"



i decide i am going to play the fucking looooooooooooong game with this chick. especially because she's my classmate. so after the pasta i walked her to the train gate and we parted ways.

during the following days, i toy with the idea of going to the aquarium with this girl.

yes i know. i'm so beta. i want to go to the aquarium with a girl i haven't had sex with. but aquariums are awesome. we made plans to go to the aquarium the next monday after class

but that monday, she shows up to class wearing a mask. she says she's sick and can't go.

ok time to approach and get an instadate with a hyper hot japanese girl: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=57237#p57237



the next day, she shows up to class in a short skirt, lipstick+makeup, and no glasses

now up until this point, she was always wearing "asian fob university student clothes" (boring shirt or hoodie, boring jeans, tennis shoes).
View attachment 6
not her. but pretty fucking close

she assumed that we were going to go the next day but she didn't confirm that with me...............

i actually said i had plans (i was going to go freaking nampa lmao, i was trying to crush my approach anxiety)...



but!!! she showed up in cute clothes!!!!!!

so i was like hey well i got plans after but i'll take u out to lunch again cuz u showed up in cute clothes. we go eat some beef ramen after school.

at the beef ramen restaurant, we just vibe as per standard.



hmmm...we are also conveniently a 5 minute walk from my place...and she doesn't have class after this...

hey my plan after was just going and buying curtains for my place. if u want, u can tag along, i gotta measure the windows and shit first <--- btw i totally made this up lol

she mildly freaks out and is at a loss for words, so she pulls up her chinese->japanese translator (which i am now translating into english for this report...) and types this

sorry i can't go...in china girls only go to guys' houses if they're already dating...

oh ok

ok, let's go out then

i stared her right in the eyes and held the tension.

e...e..e..eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhh??????

she fidgeted and made 20 different expressions as her face turned beet red

...

haha just kidding
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she showed me a gesture with her hand where her fist was out and her middle fingers were half protruding upward

i can't actually do it but i'm flipping u off right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh like this?

i show her my middle finger under the table

OMG STOP!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my fucking god did i just land in heaven. compare that to american-raised girls having 3 pics of them flipping you off looking all edgy on their tinder profiles.

outside as i walked her to the train gate, she hit me a bunch of times

in china no one JOKES about things like that!!!
yeah but this is japan and im american
OMG ur so mean!!!
View attachment 4


by the way i did actually end up going curtain shopping, but ultimately received a free curtain set from Toast that he wasn't using any longer. these curtains have probably already seen him banging a lot of girls, and now they're gonna see me banging a lot of girls too. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



第２話　今夜だけの彼女
episode 2: girlfriend only for tonight

i don't know why but i still really wanted to invite her to the aquarium for some reason. i just thought it would be fun.

so i messaged her that friday night that we should go and to send me her schedule. she sends me her schedule and then i pick the following monday after class...

she immediately reads my message suggesting the date. but she leaves me on read for the entire weekend

lol! typical female behavior!

then she finally responds at 9pm the sunday night before the next time we would see each other (monday)

anyway, we meet at my station monday evening and head off to the aquarium.

the aquarium front area was actually outdoors on the roof, and had a big light setup and some fish tanks.
View attachment 5


this is so romantic, i want to be proposed here!

wow let's just drop obvious hints shall we

anyway, we went through the entire aquarium and had fun. there were a few moments i was like hmmm should i ask her now? nah let's just enjoy the aquarium first and then wait until we get to the outside area again.



we circle back to the big water ring area in the above image

hey come here real quick

i lead us to some bleachers next to the water ring and we sit down and chill.

she starts talking about random crap for a few minutes blah blah, and then:

ok i have something to ask you
what is it?
i'm not joking this time
ok

i paused for a second to build some more tension while looking straight at her

...

let's start going out

her face turns beet red again, she makes another 23 expressions, etc etc

i'm like this is in the fucking bag lmfao

but...i'm not cute...why do u want to go out with me...
no you are very cute trust me lol
but.....i have school and have to study a lot...
lol i dont want to spend time with you every fucking day
but...........do u even know how old i am??????
18
e....e.....eeeeehhhhhh?????

she danced around the question like this for a bit. the entire time she was shaking, looking away, looking back at me. i was like rock solid still, flat tonality, and dominant.

i can't believe this...i'm not even cute...i'm dumb...and u want to go out with me...
can you fucking stop that bullshit. you have barely studied japanese for like a year and you can already hold an entire conversation in it. u need to believe in yourself because i do

she looked away, and started quivering and crying

....no one has ever said that kind of thing to me before....
what do you actually want to do
i...i...don't know...

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ok anyway let's go eat dinner

we got up and started heading out of the aquarium.

.... ok/////....i'll....be ur gf/////....but only for tonight!!!! it's over after tonight ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh? ok show me ur hand

she puts her hand out a little bit

i grab her hand, and we interlock fingers

her hand is shaking. like im holding a fucking vibrator. lmfao

after maybe 30 seconds she can't take it and lets go of my hand.

we walk and talk and head over back to the station to find a place to eat.

hey...when was ur first crush?
uhhh...idk maybe when i was 14? <--- not entirely false, i did "technically" have a "gf" when i was 14
ok. guess when my first crush was
hmm, 15?
no...
pfft, idk, 17??
no...!!!
wait...18????

she slightly turns away, blushes, and nods yes

hold up...wait a minute...i'm your first crush?????

she turns away even more, blushes even harder, and nods yes again

wait for real? didn't you say you had a boyfriend in high school?
yeah...but......

she pulls out her chinese->japanese translator again (which now again, i have to translate into english for this report)

we didn't even hold hands



what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did i just hit the fucking jackpot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah my high school had a very strict no-dating policy

oh my fucking god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmao wtf. you guys didn't like meet after school or something?
no, after school i just went to prep school everyday, and then i had to go home and study
but like...you didn't try to do anything secretly during school? like during breaks or something?
nooooo all the teachers were watching all the time

i mean, it is china, so i wouldn't be surprised if they literally had drones flying around the school, making sure no guy holds hands with any girl

18
virgin
never kissed a guy
never even held hands with a guy???????????????????????????????

if she were blonde and white too, this would literally be the dream girl of every guy on those incel forums. lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
View attachment 3
just swap the blonde hair for black!

but i already fucked a blonde and white girl. even tho my type is asians!!!!!!

lmao thats so fucking gay. when the school is strict the fun in that is you're supposed to do shit in secret
omg that's so bad!!! u can't do that!!! i had to go to prep school anyway!

lmfao what. this fucking guy had a gf and literally did nothing with her...oh wait.....

also recently here in japan, some other guy confessed to me...but i turned him down
another chinese guy?
yeah

what the fuck, am i mogging all these chinese guys or something????? i cant even speak fuckin chinese!!!

i put my arm over her while we're walking and loudly proclaim

HEY EVERYOOOOONE!!! THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEEEEEEEEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ONLY FOR TONIIIIIGHT!!!!!!
oh my god stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why are u doing this!!!! ur so embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



as we keep walking, she pulls out her chinese->japanese translator (............which....i have to translate into english for this report)

we can start dating after i graduate university!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

in the past, i literally would have been like "ok sure" and waited 5 years for her to finish school

First one approached me with her friend one day while I was eating lunch, later I asked her to be my gf over Facebook (lol!!!). She said "she can't date until she's 16" (we were both 14 at the time). I literally waited 2 years to ask her out again, and she declined

lmao no. i might literally be dead by then.
omg!!! no!!!! u won't die!!!

we get takoyaki that ends up being extremely terrible, and chill outside on some benches in a plaza
View attachment 1


while we are eating, i see her trying to take a creep shot!!!!! of me

oh, u want to take my picture? go ahead : )))
n-n-no!!!!!! i didn't want to take a p-p-picture of you or anything!!!!! u idiot!!!!! hmph!

she angrily shuts off her phone and puts it away

we finish eating the takoyaki, and then it starts mildly drizzling.

i decide to drop her off to the station. maybe i could have pulled home with this but i didn't feel like it lol. i think it was actually a good decision in the end.

as we are walking, i realize we are in the middle of the road. so i jump this chain link barrier separating the road and the sidewalk.

she's still on the road and the barrier is high enough that she can't step over it

i look her dead in the eyes

u ready?
huh? uh...yeah???

i squat down, embrace her legs, and pick her up over the chain barrier

AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

View attachment 2
this is the exact spot lol

after i put her down, she hits me like 10 times

idiot! idiot! idiot! idiot! idiot! idiot! idiot! idiot!!!!!!!!!
why did you do that!!!!!!!!!
lol idk it seemed fun
no it wasn't fun!!!!!!! ur an idiot!!!! how much do u think i weigh?????
idk 40kg lmao
i'm 60kg!!!!!!

she's like 5'7" and ~130lbs. i'm 5'5". why does every girl who likes me have to be taller than i am!!!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's probably not out of the ordinary in the west, but it seems like it's on the larger side for china

oh really? i thought u were 40kg haha
no way!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by the way im 70kg
that's because you have!!!....all...those muscles...

i walk her to the train gate and open my arms

ok give me a hug

she reluctantly gives me a weird side hug. oh hell naw

i pull her chin into mine and give her a quick peck on the lips.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yep i stole yo first kiss. sorry what u gon do about it

her face turns into a scowl, mouth agape

hmph!!!!!!!!!

she storms off through the train gates, with no parting words



next day in class, she FREEZES ME OUT ..... ICE COLD!!!!

not a fucking word or reaction to my existence!

this is just like approaching japanese girls in the station!

...
...


ok i gotta go to the gym lol. bbl later to post the rest~

CONTINUATION: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=42&p=58428#p58428

 

[pancakemouse]

I'm on the edge of my damn seat man! Top-tier KYIL storytelling.

ok most people at school basically hardly use japanese and just default to their native language when talking to their friends. i guess that makes sense but since i'm an autist weirdo i hate it. why did u come to japan????? do u even have japanese friends????? no wonder why u can't speak japanese, cuz u never speak it in the first place!!! just sound like a retard its ok. i might be 26 but i pretend i'm a 7 year old when i'm speaking japanese

When I studied abroad in Germany I was placed in a program with a bunch of American students and it was the same deal. They only wanted to form their own social circles and gossip in English.

I was middle of the road in my program as far as ability on the first day. So I decided I would ONLY speak in German the entire year, including with all the other American students. Many of them thought I was weird for this. Generally I just avoided them and hung out with Germans.

I left that year completely fluent in German, essentially bilingual.

Many years later a girl told me that Elizabeth Holmes (of Theranos infame) did the same thing in China, which was shown in this scene in The Dropout.

So basically, unlike Elizabeth Holmes, we're the same level of sociopath, we just use our powers for good

 

[Jacobpalmer123]

Haven't read your log in awhile looks like things are going quite well for you in Japan.

I noticed you said approach scars? I'm assuming you mean in the past it was easier to approach then it is now? I've felt the same way. Its almost like there wasn't this mountain I had to climb over to do the same thing.

Anyway glad to read through your log I don't go on as much but its always interesting when I do.

 

[Bman]

This shit is damn rom com. What a cliff hanger.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

continuation of: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=58395#p58395

>be me
>26
>just moved to japan from the states as a brown guy
>18 year old from china transfers into my japanese class
>i accidentally sit next to her one day
>she doesn't speak english, i don't speak chinese, so we just speak japanese
>she wants me to sit next to her from now on????
>surewhynot
>sit next to her every day now, we get along well

>go out for pasta one day
>first time she has ever hung out with a non-chinese person in her life
>go out again on a different day for beef noodles
>try to pull her to my place cuz yolo
>"in china girls only go to a guy's house if they're dating!"
>bullshit excuse, i decide to fuck with her
>look her dead center in the eyes
>"ok so u wanna start dating?"
>blushes bright red
>maintain the eye contact
>starts freaking out, can't even speak
>"lol jk"
>hits me a bunch while we're outside
>"OMG no one jokes about that in china!!!"
>"lol this is japan and i'm american"
>oh great im hanging out with a tsundere

>invite her out to aquarium because things seem to be going somewhere
>she leaves me on read for 2 days
>but then she responds!!! with yes!!!
>meet up, head off to aquarium
>reach aquarium, front of aquarium is outdoor on roof
>lots of colored lights and big fishtanks
>girl is in awe
>"i want to be proposed to here!!!"
>lolz
>walk around entire aquarium
>come back to outdoor lights and fishtank place

>ok now's the time...
>"hey come here real quick"
>lead us to some bleachers
>"i want to ask you something"
>nani?
>"this is not a joke"
>hai, wakatta
>"let's start going out"
>i confessed to her
>she freaks out like before, face turning red, etc
>but makes a bunch of excuses
>"but i'm not even cute...but i'm studying all the time...do u even know how old i am??"
>"ur cute stfu / i don't want to meet you everyday / 18"
>"do u really want to go out with me im not even that great"
>"i believe in u"
>she starts shaking and crying
>"no one has ever told me that in my life"
>"what do you want to do?"
>"...i...don't know"

>i bounce us away to go grab dinner
>"i...i'll...be your girlfriend...only for tonight..."
>lolwtf
>"ok, let me see your hand"
>she shows her hand
>i grab it, interlock fingers with her
>her hand shakes, can't hold my hand more than 30 sec
>"i've never held hands with a guy..."
>WTF??????
>"my school in china was strict. and my boyfriend in high school never even tried"
>lol r u srs
>also she admits i'm her first crush

>go grab takoyaki (fried octopus), but it fucking sucks
>while we're eating she tries to take creepshot of me
>i notice
>"hey go ahead"
>"noooo i didnt want to take a pic of u....."

>starts lightly raining, decide to call it
>while walking i realize we're in the middle of the road
>i jump over some chain barrier
>she can't get over it
>ok ronnie coleman time
>"u ready?"
>"ready for what???????"
>YEAH BUDDY, LIGHT WEIGHT!
>i pick her up by the legs and lift her over the chain barrier
>she screams and orders me to put her down
>then she hits me and calls me a baka 10 times

>at train gate, tell her to give me a hug
>gives me awkward af side hug
>nah fuck that
>i grab her chin and peck her on the lips
>she scowls, and storms off through the train gate
>next day in class she completely ignores me

"oh my god colgate u wrote 20000 characters about getting a PECK ON THE LIPS?????????????? YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET LAID!!!!!! i'm never reading this log again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u beta simp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate u die!!!!!!! i'm gonna kill u so u can never write a lame log post again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"...(b-b-but i'm still going to read ur log...u idiot...)"


褐色人に惚れ込んじゃった！
Kasshokujin ni horekonjatta!
i fell for a brown guy!




第３話　凍死
episode 3: death by freezing

after stealing this completely pure and untouched 18 year old's first kiss, she has completely frozen me out in class

there's a simpy chinese guy who sits near us. and he's going out of his way to talk to her (in chinese btw). she's also talking to him normally.

just to confirm the degree of me being frozen out, i show her a random doodle that i drew during class (i usually do this and she always laughs and has comments about them)

she looks at it for 1 second, and then immediately turns away!

hmph!

i wonder how most guys would react to being in this situation.

but as for me, i realized i hit the point of no return

i'm on the fucking other side now

i've been friendzoned and "made friends" in general with so many different girls in the past

and they used to complain about guys they were seeing to me

swear off ever seeing those guys again

talk about how i'm so easy to talk to and they feel like they can speak to me about anything

but of course then they would go hang out with the other guy again!!! making out with him in the hallways!!! probably hooking up!!! idk!!!!!!

the fact that i was being frozen out meant something very important
i jumped on her the previous night. now she wants to test to see if i'm really the guy of her dreams.
some people here might be against calling it "shit tests"
but i finally understand it now.
i know she didn't actually hate me. of course she was "mad". but she was still attracted, if not even more.
she wants to see if i can handle her at her worst. she thinks i can do it, and i know she's going to be even more lovey dovey after this
but i still have to actually prove it. she believes in me. that's why she's doing this

so...i basically change literally nothing about myself

i do absolutely nothing. i have the exact same vibe in class as i normally do. i just pretend she doesn't exist



midway through class, i see her go to my LINE profile on her phone multiple times, but then immediately close it

eventually she breaks and sends me a message

i don't do anything

she nudges me and motions me to check my phone

if you don't apologize, i will never date you for the rest of your life
what u mean
never mind

i never responded to that



next class, she is all bubbly and smily again and talks to me normally. as if she didn't ignore me the entirety of yesterday!

we go back to vibing and talking normally etc

the class after, she tries to meekly ask me if we can have lunch after class

but i actually had a hair straightening appt so i turned her down. she got extremely nervous and shaky and apologized like 10 times. lol wtf

the class after THAT, she catches up to me walking after class was out.

hey are u free now? lets go eat lunch together!
sure why not, come with me to my station again
can't we just eat around here?
but i live at the other station and i want to go there
i want to talk to you...
we can talk now while walking

...

that thing i wanted u to apologize for...it was that kiss...
did u hate ur first kiss with me?
n-n-no.....i didn't really ha....NO!!!!!!!!!! i hated it!!!!!!!!!!!! i really hated it!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh? my bad lol
what!!
huh? didnt you want me to apologize for it?
do you think that is enough of an apology!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes
!!!!!!!
i didnt do anything bad. i always kiss the girl the day we start dating
in china the first kiss is so important!!! it's only for when people are going to get married!!!
but this is japan and i'm american
but i'm chinese!!!

we have some more convo and then we arrive in a corridor of the train station

are you still coming with me to my station to get lunch
no we had the conversation i wanted to have
ok bye



wow this is so fucking DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i realized she's trying to lead me down a friendzone path

i don't want more fucking girl friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...
...
...

when i used to live with Troy and lacroix in nashville, lacroix had a long term gf he was seeing

she started out as a virgin too with zero guy experience. but she made it kind of difficult and was playing a bunch of weird games

Troy would give lacroix lots of advice through hours and hours of talks in the kitchen. i was hanging out too. even though none of what Troy said applied to me at the time, i listened and soaked up what he was telling lacroix like a sponge

every time lacroix followed Troy's advice, it worked. she started being less and less testy and more and more open every time lacroix implemented Troy's advice

now that i'm in this situation, what would Troy tell me?

...
...
...


morning yall

i deliberately sit in a seat away from her. it happened to be my old seat and it wasn't taken by someone else.

one of my other class acquaintances sits near me and we chat a bit during class. basically i just let the class go and happen as if nothing happened. but i'm sitting in a different seat away from her.

btw somehow i've been making decent acquaintances/friends with some of the chinese dudes in the class. some of them also want to speak japanese and feverishly go to extra classes and study for tests all day. for some reason, they refuse to speak japanese with each other, and most of them have zero japanese friends. i'm conveniently one of the only people in the class actually making an effort to speak japanese all the time. kinda strange i'm getting along with chinese ppl more than fellow westerners lol.

anyway, at some point that same simpy chinese guy from earlier shows up to class. the seat next to her is open, so of course he joyfully sits there.

and they are joyfully chatting and vibing! everyone is friends!

are u mad?

i notice she sends me a message but i didn't open it or respond. class elapses for another hour.

i'm so lonely without u (T_T) i have so much fun straightmanning (tsukkomi) all ur jokes (T_T)

she's sending these messages while chatting friendly with a nice chinese guy sitting next to her

this is what it's like being on the other side. holy shit



after class i go to a new gym that is near my house. hit a sick chest workout. YEAH BUDDY! LIGHT WEIGHT!

but i am still stuck at 102.5kg on bench press!!!!. fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

change of pace




next class, she shows up in a green dress, no glasses, and makeup.

i sit next to her again.

good morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
morning, cute dress
thank u!!!!! guess where i bought it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol idk? shibuya?? harajuku??
no!!! i bought it at your station!!!!! i went there yesterday!!! it was like i went to your house
uhh ok haha

locked and loaded

if i didn't move seats the previous day, this would have been stalemate.
View attachment 2




第４話　墓地を選べ！
episode 4: choose your graveyard!

(wednesday)
i want to meet my gf again
send me your school schedule
*sends schedule*
gf? who is ur gf?
think about it yourselfread

ok, admittedly this message from me was too reactive. i should have probably just ignored her question and pushed forward with scheduling.

but lots of forgiveness and room to fuck up due to her literally being my classmate.

(thursday)
we text during class break
let's go to this park at another station on friday. great view
sounds good!
come in cosplay
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...i don't have the clothes or the money...
ur so cute when you're serious
i will kill you
i will step on you, and then i will stab you with a knife
i want to erase you from this earth
yes yes
you want me to buy you a knife from the retail store?
i don't care if i am known as a serial killer
ok class is starting again
oh ok


friday, it rains like FUCKING BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the wind is constantly FLIPPING my umbrella inside and out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmfao

i'm thinking we might have to cancel today's meetup...but let's see

she shows up to class in a short skirt and makeup...sooooooooo

oh my god ur so dumb!!! u idiot!!! how did you not even check the weather before setting the date!!!!
lmao

then during class she sends me these messages...
View attachment 1

today i want to kill you with a knife. tomorrow i want to kill you with a gun. that is the "change of pace"!


fall to hell
go to heaven
choose your graveyard
hey u like indian curry?
ur such a fuckin idiot
OMG!!!!! indian curry????
i wanna eat it i wanna eat it i wanna eat it!!!!
i'll make u indian curry
is it going to be gross!!!!!!
do u still want to meet today
yes. i want to meet u so i can kill u
since it's raining like balls, if you want you can come to my place and i'll make you curry
die

i told u in china girls only go to the guys house if they're dating...
but this is japan and i'm american
but i'm chinese

at this point i'm frustrated. i actually don't even want to talk to her for the rest of class and kinda face away from her.

like what the fuck is her game!!!!!!!!!

she is perfectly happy with receiving attention from the literal coolest guy she knows and then doing nothing else with him outside of class!!!

after class, i immediately left.

when i was halfway to the station, i looked back to see if she was behind.

she was.

ok, just out of curiosity, let's just walk very slowly and let her pass me. i'm also going to do a bunch of obvious things like jumptouch signs and jump over stuff (i usually do this kind of stuff while walking anyway so it's not weird)

she looks at me briefly and then passes me

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes she fucking likes me. of course she does. but she is 100% fine with just getting validation from me in class and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so long as i give her attention in class she is totally fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god FUCKING damn it.................................FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

she's fucking stringing me along with this violent tsundere act!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she fucking knows i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, either this interaction is going to progress or i'm dropping the WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!!

an early death it must be, an early death it shall be!!! heaven or hell, choose your graveyard!!!

i can go approach girls anyway!!!!!!!

i start fuming in the station and pacing for like half an hour, without entering the train gates

"ok. monday i have to sit away from her again. she knows the fucking deal. she knows that only lame chinese guys will simp for her without me. i don't exist anymore from monday."

i know the next thing after that will be she will wonder why i sat away from her again and this time i have to pull the "drama game" or "being straight up honest" or whatever term there is for basically "getting real about the situation"

this is totally fucking bullshit!!!!!!!! i was ju- can u make me the curry so i can take it home?

...
what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm still too embarrassed to go to your house (T_T)

...wait

no i'm not going to make you curry so you can take it home
but if you still want to meet today, we can meet at a cafe at my station instead
(;o
thank u
let's do that
thank u so much

i go home, go to the gym, get a SICK!!!! back workout!!!!!!!! take a shower

i'm here

...
...
...

including the next part already hit the character limit (30000) lmfao. don't worry i promise to post the entire thing today!!!!

CONTINUATION: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=58452#p58452

 

[colgate / bulldog]

episodes 1-2: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=58395#p58395
episodes 3-4: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=58428#p58428

褐色人に惚れ込んじゃった！
Kasshokujin ni horekonjatta!
i fell for a brown guy!
View attachment 2


第５話　大人になった
episode 5: now i became an adult

we meet at the station, and head to a cafe 5 mins from my place

i order a yuzu (japanese citrus) soda because i like fruity drinks and she orders a strawberry banana smoothie...because i guess she likes fruity drinks too

we sit next to each other at a bar glued to the window

she starts showing me her extremely advanced and frankly cryptic textbook that she's using in her afternoon classes

i want to enter the top university in japan! i will do it!

let's have the most chinese goal of all time lmao

anyway i look at the page she shows me

look at this! this is so difficult. there's no way u could understand it lol

it's some cryptic ass chart in japanese. this is like fucking school again for me too. and i don't just mean normal friendly japanese school.

i slog through reading it for a few minutes

ahhh, this is like...
shhhh!!! be quiet!!!!!

???

ok ppl who have met me irl know i have a very loud voice. i'm also not aware of my own voice volume at all. probably if i didn't have this characteristic called out by multiple people in my life, this would have probably pissed me off but it doesn't. i'm more pissed at myself for having no volume control lol. so i actually kind of appreciate if people tell me i'm being too loud

also the cafe we are in is like dead silent. so understandable

also i realize this is probably going to be a good way to pull later so i decide to let it happen. i'll just keep randomly raising my voice.

ah, my bad. anyway uhhh this is like international income flow or something...
omg...yeah....also can u be more quiet
and uhhh....these are different types of international income flow...and uhh....

oh my god im getting a headache

this is shit that even if it were in english i would hardly understand

yeah ok i like kind of get what this is about but the details are really fuzzy and i dont feel like reading it all lol. u really study hard
omg...can u please talk softer...

ok that is at least the 5th time she has called me out for my voice volume (i didn't write the whole convo here lol)

time to pounce

here we fuckin go

this is the "drama game". or the "being honest". or "getting real". or whatever this is called. lol u can be the judge of the name.

but i knew the next conversation was necessary and i was prepared for it

how about we just read this at my place so i can talk at whatever volume i want
but in china girls only go to the guy's place if they are a couple
yes i know you keep saying that. i said we should start dating but you still haven't given me a real answer. you are like putting this wall up about our whole thing and i feel like i can't get past it. can you tell me what's going on

she didn't understand the word "wall" (挫折) so i just typed it on my phone and showed her the kanji. then she understood it because she's chinese.

actually at this point she also shushed me again. so i just said let's just talk to each other over text here

actually...i'm scared to go to your house...
lol why
because...ur so strong...if i go to ur house and u did something to me...i wouldn't be able to escape

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

talk about the most ego boosting pull rejection of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy shit

she thinks i'm so strong that i could do anything to her!!!!

i was actually smiling so hard when i saw that

but all i would do to you is kiss you and hug you...
yeah...like when u gave me my first kiss...the first kiss is so important!
but i think it's important too
it felt like u were just kissing anyone!
u were like squirming away!!! i kissed u because i think u are important
when i see ur face i want to kiss it

she turned away and blushed and her face turned beet red

so there's nothing that could have been done about that time. we spent the whole evening together and i couldn't control myself lol

her face turned even more beet red and she started giggling

ok...i'll go to your house...but you have to promise not to touch me!
ok

oh my god

just writing this here again shot up my heart rate

this turned into a pull?????????????????????

i'm so fucking glad it rained like balls today!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck the park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good things always happen to me on rainy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we clean up the table and trek out into the faucet-like rainfall

omg...i can't believe i'm doing this...
yes you are going to a weird guy's house. i am the weird guy. it's a pleasure to meet you
!!!!! u were the one who invited me idiot!!!!!!



we arrive at my house.

holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck

i have an 18 year old handholdless kissless (before me) virgin in my house

hooooooooooooooo

i did not expect to even get here



since my place is literally a microscopically small kitchen and a bedroom that only has a bed, tv, and desk, we basically go straight to my bed

i have her sit down on the bed

i want to hear your music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok from previous convos, i know she is basically in the same universe as i am regarding interests. it's so fucking rare lmao. but except it's not. not rare in asia even for a girl to have my bizarre tastes and interests

also she used to play in bands in school and loves singing

any time we started getting into my interests in convos, i basically deflected it all the time with "i'll show you later". i figured it was going to help at some point. and that some point was now

i show her some random project files, including some unfinished vocaloid song

oh my god!!!!!!!!! ur a genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is amazing!!!!!!! is this hatsune miku????? i love it!!!!!

i was just calmly showing random things but in my head i was like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M IN THE PRESENCE OF A GIRL WHO LIKES THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have a bunch of random stress relieving items near my desk and i started showing them off to her. i have 20kg/40kg/60kg hand grips and a rubik's cube.

this basically is just more accidental flexing from me

what!!! ur so strong!!! and u can solve that??? are u god???

god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think anyone has blown up my ego this much in my life, let alone a girl i literally pulled to my room. i am just remaining totally cool but in my head i'm jumping up and down in joy

at some point i flip on the tv and chill

ok...maybe you are 0.00000000001% of a good person
oh? thanks lol
yeah...now that i came to your house...i see that you are just 0.00000000001% of a good person...

she's sitting kinda near me but not touching me

...
...
...

holy fuck. i literally know exactly what to do.

this time i actually know how to fucking escalate up to what i want.

i've been in this situation so many times in my life. even before kyil. i had girls from school in my room, on my bed. and sometimes we cuddled. but i didn't make any moves beyond that.

then since kyil, i have had so many dates and so many pulls. so many failed pulls. so many girls freaking out and leaving from me escalating too fast and without empathy. so many pulls where i couldn't pull the trigger in the bedroom too. but then i started getting makeouts with like every pull. and i started getting laid too.

but now, i understand.

i know exactly what this girl feels right now. i know she likes me. but if i just whip my dick out or jump on her again she will freak out. she already knows i have the "balls" to make the move. in fact, those "balls" got me frozen out and nearly friendzoned for the 2 weeks after.

and i know what she said at the cafe.

i think maybe in the past i was just insecure that girls didn't like me and didnt really want to do anything, so i would have had to force them to do things

obviously that is a terrible mindset.

in this case, this girl wants to feel like i'm acknowledging that she wants to do things too. not just me doing random crap.



boys

buckle up

some shit is about to fucking go down

...
...
...


ok if i'm 0.000001% of a good person...then hold my hand for FIVE seconds........then that's it

i put my hand out flat on the bed

she blushes. what color? yes of course, beet red.

eeeehhhhhh???? o-....o-okay....

she looks away and slowly moves her hand towards mine...slightly taking it back a few times...

but eventually settles on my hand

i interlock our fingers

she tries to look towards our hands

after some amount of seconds i disconnect


how was it?
i....i liked it...

she said with a pouty face

we watch tv and i keep stalling a bit more.

then

do you want to rest on my shoulder for a little bit?

she looks at me...

come

with no words she slowly leans into my shoulder

i stroke her hair as she's resting on my shoulder. then i take her hand and hold it

stall a bit more talking about the tv program.

actually ur a good person...i like u...
glad to hear u changed ur mind



then

oh my fucking god

here we go

this is the point of no return



i look at her in the eyes

she looks up at me

i take her chin with my index finger and thumb

pull her up to me


*chu~*

finally a real kiss!!!

i look at her face. she slowly opens her eyes. and looks at me like a puppydog.

i go back in and start kissing again. now we're making out.



wait, she's never kissed a guy before?????

oh my god this is so good!!! it's like heaven!!! what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



we're making out, and i slowly start to explore her body over her clothes.

start with her arms, then the waist. i have her move her arms on my body too



this is going very well...

this is way more than i thought i was going to do today

how far can i push this????

am i really going to do this?

ok, i'm really going to do this



i start going for her breasts over her shirt

i'm feeling her bra and gently caressing her titties

damn they're bigger than i thought. D cups.

i disengage from kissing her but keep my hand on her breasts



now i want u to think about what a girl would probably say in this situation

because i definitely did not guess this

...

...i...i-if i knew we were going to do this...i would have worn cuter lingerie....

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's what she said?????????

that is what she said.

i start feeling her nipples under her bra...



oh my god...i'm feeling up an 18 year old's bare titties........am i going to fucking jail....................................

this is literally the first time she's ever actually kissing a guy..........

ok i'm definitely going to jail



i start to lift her shirt up and tell her to raise her arms

she holds her arms up in the air

what!!! am i really doing this!!! am i going to undress an 18 year old with zero experience?????

how long has she been 18???? she was probably 16 when i started posting on kyil. what the fuck!!!!!!!



more making out once i take off her shirt

i undo her bra with two hands while kissing her. she doesn't object at all

i fondle her breasts and play with her nipples

then i disengage again



oh my god

i'm looking at her titties

they're perfect

literally the nipple size is the exact size it needs to be, they are supple, round

this is what was hiding under those university student boring hoodies and jeans

wwwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaa

my fucking classmate is topless on my bed??? what!!!!!



kyaaaaa!!!!!

she balls up away from me and crosses her arms over her breasts

t...t-...t-t-this is so embarrassing!!!!!
no it's perfect
omg ur so weird!!!
yes. i am a weird guy. u came to a weird guy's house. it's a pleasure to meet you
because u invited me idiot!!!!!!

do you want me to take off my shirt too?
n-no!!!!!...maybe........if u want.....now you have to!!!!



i take off my shirt and then have her lay down next to me

i look her in the eyes and stroke her hair

this is the face i want to kiss. i told you

she blushes and looks to the side while smiling

i pull her in to kiss again.

i'm feeling her titties while i get her to feel my body and chest.


i really would have worn cuter lingerie if i knew we were gonna do this...
cute enough to me

it was just standard sheer bra and panties lol

how many girls do u bring in this room per day????

what!!!!!!

per day?????

what kind of question is that!!!

lmfao!!!! she actually thinks i pull multiple girls a day into this room!!! that's nuts!!!

idk normally 3 or 4. but since ur special i didn't pull any other girls here today
omg i knew it!!!!!!!!!!! ur such a player!!!!!!!! how many girlfriends do u have right now!!!
idk maybe 3 or 4...lol jk
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well....well! oh yeah? guess what!!! i have 3 boyfriends right now!!!!....oh ok never mind......even i can't convince myself that to be true...

so cute lol

more making out and feeling up etc

i start going for her pussy and rubbing it over her panties


a...a....are we...going to...do it....?
lol i don't know im just doing what feels right
well....i...mean....
?
..i...mean...this is only for today, okay!!! after this i'm not coming back!!!!
oh?
...but...we.....we can do it.....if you want.....

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
did she just literally give me VERBAL CONSENT???????????
what on fucking earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eh? lol should we do it?????
wait but u don't have those....uhhh....things?
what things
the things!!! to make it safe!

awwwwwww, she didn't know the word condom!!!
ok im definitely going to jail

u mean condoms?
whats that?
wtf. you know what a condom is. put it in your translator

she can't get the japanese spelling for condom right so i do it for her and then she understands
yes, that!
phew lmfao

but u don't have those right? so we can't do it...

lmao girl i have a stash of like 40 condoms in a hidden bag yo

hmmm i think i have some lol
huh???

i pretend to dig around and then fetch one

why do you have condoms!!!!! were u preparing for this???
what are you talking about, dont you know every guy has a stash of condoms
n-no!!!! well...i don't know...
it's like how girls have their period products. guys have their condoms
OMG!!!!!!!!! thats not the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


anyway...well...and it's only because i'm never going to come back here again!!!! i'll only be ur gf tonight!!!! that's it!!!!...
...so...we...can...only do it this time...

wha

lmfao what

let me get this straight

i try to go full gf mode on this chick

and then pull her and she insists we should have a one night stand

lmao!!!!!!!

lol alright, if it's ok with you

i go back to making out with her and rubbing her pussy over her pants

why arent u putting the condom on?
u gotta chill lol we're not there yet

lmfao first time i'm trying to slow the girl down

btw...ur technique is so good



i navigate my hand under her pants and get my fingers over her pussy

i try to start fingering it but...

ow!!!!!!!!!

yeah i can barely get like half of my finger in

ur using a lot of force!!

yeah...this is very difficult lol. im barely moving my finger

this chick is definitely a virgin lmao



when are u gonna...put it in...
lol are you sure you're ready for that?
...maybe...i'll try...


even i didn't feel ready

but she is LITERALLY ASKING FOR IT lmfaooooo

i put the condom on and then try to position myself.

i've realized every girl has a different ideal position and u have to figure it out with each one

but this one has a very hotttttttttt position


i put her legs up on my shoulders

i take my cock with one hand...

and...

i barely get the tip in...



wowzerz! i got the lay! penis has entered the vagina! +1 guys woohoo! ok time to stop reading this report! great job! A+!



her eyelids are sewn shut and she's looking away and grimacing. i'm holding one of her hands.

uhhh...i try to put it in a little bit more...

OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! OW OW OW!!!!

i still have not even gotten my dick halfway inside, it's like barely past the tip

omg...ur so big...it's like bigger than porn..........

lmfao i'm only like 5.5 inches

oh? you watch porn?
yeah.....ur bigger than all of them...

how does this girl literally know how to perfectly blow up my ego in every possible way



i end up trying something where i do like a bunch of...like quarter thrusts

but i keep sliding out of her because i can't get all the way in without her flinching back in pain

did you cum???
wtf no lol
when are you going to cum?
idk, sex isn't all about cumming u know

i want to push myself way farther inside but it's basically impossible right now



i decide to lay down instead and have her try to get on top. see if she can guide my dick into her pussy the way she likes it.

but that basically doesnt work either because she can't put it inside of her without it hurting lmao

i actually lose my boner here because now we're just thinking and trying to solve a problem........

eehhh?? what happened??? do you hate me????
lol wtf no

i abort the entire plan of trying to have more penetrative sex with her and rewind back to making out with her and feeling her up

i put her hand on my dick and teach her how to jerk me off while i nibble on various parts of her body


u know...i actually watch a lot of porn...
lol how much
like...once a week!!!

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god she's an angel

this is epic

this is 100% my type

but she really wants to prove to me that she's a huge hentai



she starts...

MAKING OUT WITH MY EAR!!!!!!!!!

wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does this feel so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she's like licking all of my outer ear, all the crevices. sucking on my ear. kissing it. while she's jerking me off

holy FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is this the same person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is happening!!!!

i'm making noises i never thought i could make in my life

i think i'm the fucking virgin now.....................i never even would have thought of this in my life




holy fuck...hey you want to try sucking my dick?

from that ear sucking experience i thought she might actually be good at blowjobs too

ok...use a little less teeth
sorry!!! ur so big!!!!!!!!! i can barely put it in my mouth!

yes thanks for blowing up my ego for the 258th time now blow me

holy fuck tho, once i show her a rhythm, give her a little bit of direction to use her tongue more and where to touch, and she backs off on the teeth

what the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is some god-tier blowjob. it's the second time i've gotten a blowjob like this, but this one is even better.

somehow she's still using a liiiiittttttle bit of teeth. but it's like just the right amount where it actually makes me ultra aroused

i'm wailing and making fucking weird ass noises, biting my pillow, holding her thigh, holding my bed

where the fuck did THIS come from??????????????????? guess u gotta watch porn exactly once a week. no more, no less.




she gets tired and so i direct her to come back and cuddle me while i fondle her titties. she starts licking my ear again and i start making more weird noises.

so u still didn't cum??
nah
really??? even after all of that??? wow ur amazing!!! thats crazy!!! ur so healthy!!!
lol wtf, do you want to see it?
yes!!! wait hold on!

she grabs her glasses and then lays down with her elbows on the bed and hands on her chin, staring straight at my dick with her glasses

ok, ready!!!

i jerk off for a bit and basically mentally prepare myself to actually come

i look at her titties and fondle them with my other hand while jerking off then i blast off!!! all over myself

good work!!!!!!!!!!

she goes and grabs tissues and cleans me up



we lay down and now we have pillow talk

u know what turns me on? when the guy makes weird noises because of the girl...that's why i was eating up your ear...because i saw that in porn

lol of course

also pegging!
NOPE!

i put up the hand symbol for no in japanese

aww...

we cuddle some more and she nuzzles into me

do u like me?
yes
yay! i like you too!

...hey...
hm?
only look at me...don't look at any other girls...at least for tonight...after tonight u can look at other girls...but tonight i want u to only look at me...

lmao oh i get it

i think she is doing the "only today" thing because it somehow allows her to let loose

she's the type of girl who studies 9 hours a day and is always worrying and thinking about the future. she's actually pretty bright.

but obviously she would have a bunch of logical hangups around anything sexual.

so if she just tells herself "just for tonight ok...just for today" then it removes those mental blocks

or maybe my half-assed psychoanalysis is wrong. lmao idk

lol sure
hehehe, i like you. i reeeeeaaaaaallly like u. i like u so much.

she cuddles her head into my body

"today, i became an adult"
View attachment 1




最終話　
epilogue

she opens up about some other things during pillow talk including how she's emotionally scarred from ever speaking english because she got bullied by her childhood english teachers. that's why she devoted her time to japanese.

i've never met a chinese person who can't speak english so it's strange lol.

after the pillow talk, we go grab some dinner from the convenience store. she wants to wear my clothes when we go out, and once i fit her with some, she joyfully proclaims that she's me now.

we eat and then i have us shower together. i SLAP her ass as she walks out of the shower. hehehehehehh

we have another round of sex/degenerate foreplay. i still can't really get it in and ultimately give up on real penetrative sex today. we do a thing where i let her kind of ride me and coast over the shaft of my dick for a little bit tho. she asks me how she can make it hurt less and i basically say we have to keep fucking lol.

she sleeps for a bit, but i cant fucking sleep because i'm trying to process what the fuck just happened lmao

eventually at 4am she wakes up and we do another round. i just have her eat my ear out and suck my dick and i probably woke up the neighboring tenants. oh well

i want to be with u forever...i'm gonna ditch school today...let's be together...
lol are u sure?
yes!
ok in that case i'll make u breakfast
yay!!!!

i go out to buy ingredients to cook us breakfast. she voluntarily without asking organizes all of my clothes while i'm out lmao. cook her indian scrambled eggs (garlic, onion, cumin, tomato, green chilli) because i'm indian. she takes a pic of it and sends it to her mom, saying that "this is the food that the guy i like made for me".

after we ate, i wanted her to suck my dick again. she did for a little bit and then i was like "ok just keep ur top off......."

i just stared at her titties while jerking off and fondling her thighs. held back maybe 2x. then i BLASTED OFF!!!!!! and it shot all over my face!!!

OMG ur an idiot!!!!!!!!! now u have to clean up again...
lol. couldn't control myself cuz of u

...
...

do u know the moment i really fell hard for you?
when
when u lifted me over that chain barrier
lmao i thought u hated that
no that was the moment that really made me go crazy for you. that you could just pick me up like that without thinking and so easily
haha
i want u to do it again while we're in ur room

i lifted her up in the air for a few seconds and put her down. then she gave me a peck on each cheek and then on the lips.

i like u so much

i send her home around 1pm the next afternoon.





remarks
tl;dr: took the virginity of an 18 year old in my class who never even held hands with a guy because i was FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is my 5th lifetime lay. and now i have gotten laid from nightgame, online, and normie mode. not yet daygame. fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also i finally fucked an asian girl!!!!!!!!!! literally for everyone else asian girls are the "easy girls" but they weren't for me. i found black girls liked me the most and then some white girls. the worst part is asian girls are my type!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but that's why i moved to japan

by the way, the clay figurine of a brown anime guy is me........she made that of me the day i sent her back home.......................................(she also draws anime really fucking well)

i wanted to write a bunch of takeaways here, but i think i want to simmer for a bit and write it up later. i've had some weird unrelated crap happening this weekend (not mental/emotional, some logistical crap) and i really wanted to write this report, which obviously took a lot of time so i really haven't savored this yet. i'll probably write those thoughts in future posts and reports about this girl (i would be surprised if that night was the last time lol)

btw i'm still going to be doing nampa coaching and also diving into that. i said this in the first post, but this was and is a side project. hoping to be getting a lot of missing experience by hanging out with this girl, and lot of time spent with her will definitely transfer to future interactions with other girls

also my previous lay/plate was also a virgin. bulldog, the virgin hunter, is now in business!!!




great

 

[natedawg]

This is legendary.

1. Good freakin' work brother.
2. You should get an anime avatar made of yourself for these sagas
3. KEEP GOING!

 

[Olafsmash]

that was an entertaining read and congratz, great job!

 

[Squilliam]

This is indeed legendary. Congrats my guy!

 

[Bman]

What a read. Thanks for writing that.

Really happy for you man. You handled the escalation well. Congrats colgate!

 

[MakingAComeback]

KYIL LEGENDS CLUB:

THE FIRST MEMBER WE HAVE EVER INDUCTED............................

1. KING COLGATE

 

[lacroix]

how was it?
i....i liked it...

she said with a pouty face

we watch tv and i keep stalling a bit more.

then

do you want to rest on my shoulder for a little bit?

she looks at me...

come

with no words she slowly leans into my shoulder

i stroke her hair as she's resting on my shoulder. then i take her hand and hold it

omg this whole story is amazing. like actually a romance novel for guys. the virgin, the leadup, the cute dates, the huge swinging emotional back and forths, from love, to hatred, to futilely trying to ignore, back to hatred then love again. then hot blowjob with a pervy girl but you can barely fit it inside of. i loved this moment especially. when she finally surrenders to you

where do I preorder the hentai adaptation?

 

[colgate / bulldog]

reflections on https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=58452#p58452

https://streamable.com/ju6u6h

getting this far was actually my original vision when i started on kyil.

and not just from then, this is what i wanted when i was playing fucking nekopara 7 years ago
more on that here: https://killyourinnerloser.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=43797#p43797

but yeah. now i am literally the visual novel protagonist.

i'm in japan. and now it's time to bang more anime girls.

took a few days to relax and settle into this win

starting my grind again rn

 

[Manganiello]

can u sit next to me from now

Game over.

wowzerz! i got the lay! penis has entered the vagina! +1 guys woohoo! ok time to stop reading

Haha. Funny how that works.
"I can relax. I can write it in my log now."


Great job Colgate. Just need to do it to a cute Japanese chick now.



...

Also..

That's +1 for Team Asia...
for anyone counting.

 

[pancakemouse]

I wish I could unread this whole saga so I could experience the joy of reading it all over again. There's so much more I wanted to respond to every individual element but it wouldn't do this story justice.

EPIC.