hey i said in my last post i wouldn't post until i got another lay.
but since then, i've had a lot of life changes and ups and downs i'd like to report on.
all of this is bouncing around in my head and i have no idea where my life will end up in the next year or so. i also don't know if the forum is even going to exist by the time i decide to get back into pickup and dating, let alone get another lay, so i think now's a good time to make a post.
my gf
yeah so the 18yo i banged from my class ended up turning into a serious girlfriend. myself from a year ago would be cringing and screaming at this, and i went against every game/pua advice possible but i'll talk about what happened in between the last report and now.
we had a school recess in june, and i was using most of my time to hit the streets, write reports, and get copious feedback from my coaching group.
meanwhile, i was getting sex basically on-demand from my classmate who would come over almost
any time i asked.
i decided to go into mild asshole mode and tell myself i would send absolutely zero messages nor invite her over unless she sent me something first so i could focus on trying to get other girls.
but she kept messaging me and asking me to hang out at various times. and basically every time we met was guaranteed sex.
and eventually it stopped hurting for her and she started to genuinely enjoy it.
in fact this following episode could not more clearly demonstrate how much she liked me
we had scheduled to meet at 3pm one day, direct to my place.
that day i sent her a ping message ~1 hour before that got no response. then i sent her another one at 3:00, and then called her at 3:15. no response to those either.
i waited 10 minutes and with still zero response, i sent her a response to not come over and that i'm going to go do something else.
i stormed out the house to the train station and decided to head over to shibuya to approach.
i mean, this is a good thing right? basically now i'm seeing this girl is not that interested in me and i can move on to actually trying to bang a japanese chick now right. and from cold approach.
i was out on the streets for maybe 30 minutes when it started raining.
tbh i was thinking way too much about this girl and i had only made like 2 approaches in that time.
i decided to head home.
while walking down the stairs to the station, i checked my phone and noticed double digit LINE messages
aaa!!!! i didn't look at LINE!!!!!
i'm finished....
since she has a chinese phone that doesn't have the normal play store, she installed LINE via some weird "app manager" that basically doesn't give her notifications on LINE (this sounds like one of the lamest "sorry i had to cancel" stories, but turns out it's actually real)
sorry sorry!!!! please open the door!!!!
missed call
let's go for a walk!!!!
...
if you're not here, then i'll go home
uhhh so she actually came to my place?? but it's already almost 5:00pm...
i'm not home
sorry!!!!
wait...
it's...5pm???
no it can't be
there's no way she made that mistake lol
hold on, did you mix up 15:00 for 5:00pm?
...yes!!!!
we usually meet at 5pm!!! i didnt realize you meant 3pm!!!!
anyway, i decided to give her to benefit of the doubt and sent her this
next time we meet i expect lots of makeup!
ok understood!!!
also here is my phone number! so this doesn't happen again
the next evening she called me...to meet her family!!!
wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
her mom and sister were visiting from china. wait...so i'm "introduce to your parents" material????
i decided to meet them near my station. the conversation was a bizarre interplay of translating between various languages for everyone because
i speak: english, passable japanese, (no chinese)
gf speaks: chinese, japanese, (no english, somehow)
fam speaks: chinese, broken english, (no japanese)
anyway, after being "interviewed" by her mom about my american past, i ended up getting treated to
expensive japanese barbecue
???????
cool lol
and then i split off from them.
but then my gf called me as soon as i got home and asked if she could come over.
and then she got nampa'd by some guy while waiting for me lmao!!!!!
omg you're my hero!!!! some weird guy was asking me to go with him to an izakaya...i'm so glad you came!!!
finally! i was on the other side!!!!!
and then we went to my place and immediately banged
all this in the meanwhile, i was struggling to make progress while approaching.
there was actually a day i said i was going to make 100 approaches, since that is really how they do it here. it took me around 5 hours between 3 stations and i wussed out on so many girls, but i managed to hit 110 approaches that day. doing 15 mins approach->5 mins break made it manageable. and having encouragement from my group chat definitely helped.
one pervasive thought i would have is "why the hell am i out here getting blasted when i can blast into chick who is literally obsessed with me and will do anything i want. and i can't enjoy her because i'm still out here on the streets. eghegheghhghghehh"
indeed she came over the next day. and we immediately fucked. and then we decided to spontaneously go on a trip to a beach town 100km away for the weekend.
i rented a traditional japanese looking room because i'm the
brown shogun! i didn't think much of it though, and i thought it should be obvious i'm gonna get a japanese af room. i came all the way to japan after all
but when we entered the room, my girl was in shock. she was running around the room elated.
OMG??? how much was this room???
?? it wasn't that expensive? like $200
omg you are so rich!!!!
we changed into traditional japanese robes (yukata) and immediately had sex on the tatami mats. talk about a real life JAV experience
then we ate some buffet dinner at the hotel's food hall
then we returned to the room again, took a bath.
and then we basically spent the rest of the night cuddling and repeatedly fucking.
the next morning we headed over to the beach. i had bought her an extremely skimpy swimsuit showing off her titties and body so i could get a huge ego rush. cool to be the dude on the beach with a hot chick lmao
after we returned home she ended up staying for a few more days at my place and then got "homesick" so she went back.
i want to talk about the last time i did any form of approaching. it was july 9.
there was a night i went out with coach and this nampa legend who was coached by him. it was around 9-10pm and we had decided to meet at shibuya.
coach was late but i ran into the legend.
dude was literally doing straight spam gutter game. and he wasn't even limiting himself to solo girls. in fact solo girls were rare at this time of night. all the girls were coming back or heading to clubs. he was tagging down duos and trios nonstop. you couldn't count if you tried. he was getting blown out 97% of the time. the other 3% he would persist and even end up stopping and chatting now and then, but with no dice. i watched in awe.
is this world-class? this guy got freaking 54 lays in may. he has to know what he's doing. there was literally an entire twitter war about it from western dudes who don't know what japan is like. but i'm in the inner circle, and i've seen his inner circle reports, with the shitty secret hotel pics. this is how he is doing this.
there was finally some duo where one girl had bleached hair. i actually thought the duo was fairly cute but he called it a
. anyway, he managed to really stick this set out. eventually he was straight up playing with the bleached girl's hair. i was like oh fuck!!!! wait but this is a duo??? how is this going to happen???
the set ended up leaving him and i was like oooohhhhh noooooooo damnnnnnn that sucksssss. but actually he came back and was like "i got her number and she said she's gonna ditch her friend to meet me later" oh shit!!!
"yeah i'm really glad i watched a lot of street interview videos lately, it really fixed my vibe"
later coach arrived, and we headed over to a place called the HUB, which is a chain of british-themed pubs where lots of foreigners, and cute japanese girls, go to hang out. coach said we are going there to warm up our conversation muscles as it's way easier to open there than it is on the street because people show up to socialize and expect to be talked to.
coach spotted a convenient japanese trio with a
. legend went to open the set and it seemed to be going well.
so i joined in. legend started talking me up and pushing my chest muscles to show off to the girls. for some reason i was nervous as balls and my japanese turned into gobbledy-gook. i ended up accidentally setting up the "retard foreigner frame" with the girl i was talking to. this was another example of where the girl started showing some interest maybe but i started fucking it up. granted, this kind of thing would improve over time, and this was the first time i was winging with legend at night. it also didn't help that the amount of background noise is way higher in a place like this so i would randomly not be able to understand simple japanese, further denting my confidence.
later this japanese listening comprehension and retard accent japanese would be pointed out to me by coach.
eventually my girl kinda lost interest in talking to me and bounced to the smoking room. so now there were 3 guys talking to 2 girls. i hung around for a little bit, and then went to the smoking room to check it out.
!!! WARNING !!! this next part is not for the blackest of the pilled. please disregard any blackpill analyses you might come up with in this next scenario! thanks!
there were 2 token white dudes, one with almost zero japanese and another with maybe similar japanese to mine. but that doesn't matter. what matters is the chick i was previously talking to is all over these two white dudes. even tho she can't speak english. she's calling the zero japanese dude's eyes pretty and smiling and staring at him, and vibing with the other dude who is clearly trying to start escalating the interaction in some way. also i'm the lame-ass with no electric-tobacco-cigarette gizmo in the smoking room. lmfao why did i come here.
i returned back to the main set. eventually the chick i was talking to earlier exited the smoking room, sans either of the white guys from there. lol ok
eventually us three dudes ended up leaving the HUB and debriefing a bit. due to the ease of opening, this would have been the place i needed to start practicing over pure street approach to up my skills, according to coach.
we hit the streets again. the bleached so-called
from earlier hit up legend and he went to go bang her at a nearby hotel. damn
meanwhile i was forcing myself to make approaches. i was having a better time watching these guys approach rather than approach myself. but i had been made aware that actually my japanese wasn't good enough and i also needed to fix my vibe. also i was plaguing myself with the whole "why am i doing this when i already have a girl. even if i lose her i would just come back to this more motivated anyway". or something. this isn't a winner's mindset but it's what i thought at the time.
with these, i struggled to try to start interactions. there were plenty of approaches where i made the approach,
the girl gave me her attention, and i self-rejected for no reason other than not wanting to start an interaction.
i was more "motivated" to bounce "go fix my japanese" or whatever. but i decided to just stay on the street and listen to coach for the rest of the night.
there was one approach of 2 white chicks. never in my life did i think i would be approaching, let alone RELIEVED by getting to speak english on an approach to WHITE GIRLS but i did. they were from britain (lmao!) and we talked for a little bit. though it ended up being me venting more about how japanese is hard and this is the first time i'm speaking english in the past like 15 days or something. they didn't want to go together to an izakaya (japanese bar) even tho that's what they said they were going to do next.
eventually it was midnight and the last train calls were being made so everyone bounced.
it was at this point i had the most mental turmoil. i didn't know what to do. i outwardly seemed like i wanted to continue approaching despite having my gf, and live through this. but on the other hand, i was having a hard time finding myself enjoying any of it. i basically kept defaulting to "i have unlimited sex from a girl who is clearly in love with me" and now "i'm not a high value guy yet to japanese girls and they think i'm just some bumbling retard, i hate having crappy japanese, i want to learn more first".
i'll be honest. i could have divided my time into something like 3 days approaching and 3 days japanese (specifically heavily consuming japanese street interview videos and approach audios) and the second problem would have been resolved. indeed i started doing the latter a bit at first.
but i still struggled to do anything beyond that.
that same week, my gf showed up sick to class one day. when she told me what the deal was i was like wtf you should go to a doctor! but she didn't want to because she was too scared of going alone and doctors don't speak chinese here. uhhh...ok let's help her out i guess
i went with her to the teacher's office to see if they could help find a doctor or otherwise provide any assistance. there was one teacher who spoke chinese so my gf explained her deal in detail to that teacher, and then they gave us clinic recommendations (though, neither of them spoke chinese)
turns out the clinics were closed, but i have a friend here obsessed with home remedies and natural medicine or whatever. i figured at least having that friend see my gf would be of some use so we headed over to her house.
while on the train to the homeopath's place, my gf started revealing the myriads of fights she's been having with her roommate.
can i stay at your place? i'll clean up and do all the dishes and everything
this is it, huh. am i going to say yes to this?
having a live-in gf is basically what i dreamed of when i joined KYIL. and even before that. my 16 year old self didn't even think i'd even be alive to see this day come.
and it's a girl who's exactly my type. like i could nitpick 2 or 3 things (taller than i am by a few cm, chinese not japanese, not HYPER ULTRA HOT facewise and guys who aren't into asians would likely pass) but literally, asian girl my type who's extremely feminine and submissive, also happens to be interested in many of the same things as i am.
but agreeing to this is basically putting my budding nampa career to a screeching halt. and i'm already down a couple thousand bucks from the coaching.
as i'm writing this, i'm thinking what would have happened if i said no. how could have i said no? maybe "i need more time to think?" and then decline later? who knows?
maybe i could have stalled with this girl and stuck it out for 2 more months with coaching. but tbh that's definitely not a thought that came to my head back in july. i'm writing this now in september after the fact.
at the time i didn't want to say no. i wanted this. no bullshit scheduling and text games? probably unlimited sex? a chick to do all the house chores?
yeah sure that's fine
she was sick that day so i let her just rest. then the next day we banged.
then we went to the furniture store and bought two desks so we could have study spaces.
we set up the desks
and then i fucked her over one of the chairs
lmao fuck
guys who fall out of coaching
- guys who don't react and reply in the group chat
- guys who don't know what they're doing right now
- guys who don't write reports
- guys who don't report their failures
- guys who get satisfied by a gf
- guys who view other people how girls view people
- guys who don't set up dates and hit the streets
- guys who are "always preparing"
...
- guys who get satisfied by a gf
- guys who get satisfied by a gf
- guys who get satisfied by a gf
that was a message legend posted in the group chat. i saw and decided to start chatting a bit. another guy engaged me in a discussion
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
this is exactly me AAAAA
by fucking chance at the same time i started the coaching program, i made my first ever gf in my life...and now we started living together...and now we're having sex like twice a day everyday....
i mean if you're the type to get satisfied by a gf like that, but you still want to actually accomplish your goals in this coaching program, you should probably break up with your gf
damn i really don't want to...
i mean that's fine too
this is my responsibility though. i honestly didn't imagine things would turn out this way. but i basically have my ideal gf rn. i also know i'll eventually break up with her at some point
i thought i'd have to get to a point where i'm banging a lot of girls and then decide on a real gf from that lot. or maybe i wouldn't need a gf. but the total opposite happened of what i expected
you should do what you want to do
fuck this was such a hard question. am i just going to take the L here? it was a good run i suppose. but it ended way too early.
but at the time i wanted to just spend more time with my gf.
i know i would start hitting the streets again if i had no girls. and i know i won't be with this one forever.
i couldn't force myself to continue.
july 27, i was invited up to sapporo had my first ever live performance. had to spend the week-ish before preparing some music for it.
i had to fly up for a few days, so it was also a good opportunity to briefly disconnect.
after my set, i somehow struggled to talk to people. wtf? i was paralyzed by being told i had to work on my japanese more and that i'm getting ruled out from my accent.
indeed i walked around the venue thinking how much more i'd enjoy this if i enjoyed just talking to people and if this were similar to my japanese class. my no-care face got me my gf and many other girls, and my closest friends know me as that persona. this weird insular mode i get into fucking sucks.
but hey, i ultimately played my first live show and enjoyed it. this was one of my dreams since i was 16 years old. and tbh i want to do more of it.
and i received $300 from it! wtf!!!!!!! so i could make money by playing my music in japan???? whooaaaaaaa..... that's going to be something to do at some point...
the next day, i walked around the big central park of sapporo. sat down in a coffee shop and started writing.
i ended up writing out an entire timeline of my life since age 16. age 16 was when i ran away from my mom's house and therefore felt i finally had agency over my own life.
as i wrote what i did each season for each year, slowly i realized i had become the person i dreamed of becoming 10-11 years prior.
i escaped the pangs of my mom and her cult religion
i made lots of music and found a place where i belonged after losing all my friends in high school
i made a real life friends circle in university
i learned a foreign language
i got a stable job with an above average income
i moved out of my parents' house and lived with my best friends in a giant mansion
i traveled cross country to get out of my comfort zone, befriend actually cool guys, and go on dates with hot girls
i got fucking yoked
i lost my virginity to a hot blonde cheerleader and had an all-night sex marathon
i had my first regular girl/plate
i kissed my entire life goodbye and moved to my dream country
i met my first real girlfriend, who is 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and is absolutely in love with me, dresses up in catgirl maid cosplay, and is actually an awesome person
and finally, i played my first live show with my music
yeah. i killed my inner loser.
by any definition of the word, i was no longer a "loser". a loser would have not been able to do the above. in all dimensions i cared about, i was no longer a loser.
i went from a shitty grades internet fag with no girls and couldn't even doing a pullup to having enough money to blast out of my home country and live off savings for a while, having a girl who's 8 years younger than i am, and benching 2 plates.
but i still didn't feel satisfied with this. it was good to actually sit down and celebrate the wins, but something was still nagging me.
i have an alright gf
i can make over $100k a year
i have thousands of listeners, i make mostly the music i want
i can have everyday basic japanese conversation and operate in the language
i have an alright level of fitness and strength
basically i realized i became a jack of all trades.
or rather, i have officially entered
normie territory
that's where the dissatisfaction came from. if i felt like i was fucking awesome, i would have no problem just chatting random ppl at the show and networking.
i feel unsatisfied because the only time i am able to act free and however i want is when i feel i have mastered life beyond the other people in the room.
that's probably not the best set of settings to have for vibe, but that's what i observed. if i met the chick who is my gf at a venue like this live show, we probably would have not been dating.
and she relies on me because she too came from another country completely unlike her own. japanese isn't her native language either and she has far more social anxiety than i do. plus i'm the guy with the most money that she knows of.
on a mild tangent, i went to a japan tech meetup to try to figure out the market for my skills, and i ran into the same problem with being able to network and socialize. i felt like i showed up as the odd one out or something.
so there's still a lot of work to do. but at least i'm not a loser!!!!!!!
at any rate, i realized now i had to shift gears if i wasn't going to do nampa. i want to live in japan so that means i can't coast on my student visa. the term expires next june, so i have to get a job here.
but i'm rusty af with my skills. that was when i decided to start focusing on brushing up my skills and looking for a job that will sponsor a work visa for me.
there's a whole new phase i entered at this point, including a week of dropping my wifi router and phone off at Mimbe393939's place and doing no-internet at home because i lost my ability to focus. but that could be expanded into another 20k characters perhaps.
i thought about just leaving this log open at that point.
but on sept 9, i received this message from my nampa coach
just letting you know your coaching term has ended.
unfortunately you weren't able to accomplish your dream of getting a lay from cold approach. take care of your girlfriend and continue on the path that makes you happy.
thank you for the past 3 months
with that i was no longer in the group. i had known that this would be the case from a previous conversation, and had already decided to cut my losses at that point.
up until now, i would look at the group chat now and then. the guys were doing a gamecation that i ended up not going on too.
i still never felt anything while i was still in, even though i wasn't active or participating in the chat at all. my last message was on july 20th.
but somehow i felt my heart sink deeply when i saw this message. i mean this was basically the outcome i had expected. so why was i feeling this way?
i sent a regular thank you message regardless, along with a current short life update.
"damn. this isn't quite how i wanted this to end actually"
i have also been lately somewhat on a rough start regarding my job related hustling, and have been dealing with some other weird issues which i don't want to get into right now. so receiving this message kinda messed up my psyche.
but now i'm in a situation where i basically have a girl living with me whom i actually don't want to kick out or anything. and we're still fucking nonstop. and i taught her how to actually cook so now she even cooks for us.
also i need to get a job
also i ended up signing up for the JLPT N1 exam in december which i actually have to study for. which is supposed to be the hardest japanese language exam for foreigners. but it's actually simultaneously tricky while also not really being a good measure of showing competence in japanese. regardless i can't back out of it now. fuck.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
and once i get those two out of the way, i have to decide what to do next.
there's a lot i have to unpack and sort out mentally in terms of how i want to advance and live my life.
honestly i (temporarily) pigeonholed myself into a very mundane situation.
it's funny because i failed so much while i was actively doing pickup, but i never regretted any of it.
on the other hand, i've arguably "succeeded" now, and while i was able to actually congratulate myself, i feel a sense of regret. like egh my journey came to a screeching halt or something.
maybe the universe told me i needed to have a screeching halt? at least whenever i get back into the game, i'll deeply know what a man to woman relationship is like now, and how a chick should treat a dude (and vice versa).
i think writing this all out at least gave me some kind of outlet.
but i have two main goals now that must be accomplished no matter what.
going back to america isn't an option. there's no auto-coast route this time. if i go back to america, there would be a lot of sad hassling to get rid of my stuff here in japan and then my life would be definitively over. it's the thing i'm the most scared of now.
at this point i like japan too much and i'm too used to it now to go back.
so my main priorities are now
- getting a work visa here
- passing the JLPT N1 exam
and i'm in a position with my gf where it seems like it would be harder to drop her than keep her lol. that being said i still like her. but there's going to be a lot of thinking i'm going to have to do once i do the above.
so yeah this is kind of a lukewarm farewell. i don't know if i'll come back to dating next year or not. i don't even know if these forums will still be here next year.
but i can say i have killed my inner loser. i went from being a 25 year old wimpy twink virgin to approaching thousands of girls, going on dozens of dates, getting yoked af, banging a handful of chicks, moving to my dream country, and landing a hyper feminine gf my type whom i bang everyday.
and i hope the past two years won't be the only time in my life i'll be having those kinds of crazy adventures. i hope to come back here, or wherever, and write more crazy stories.
ok that's it
ps: i've always wanted to have a picture like andy has on his site of himself and imogen. here's mine:
