colgate - FINALLY!!! i get my first daygame lay!!! after 3 years!!!

[Thrice]

TIME TO EVOLVE BITCHES!!!

what a transformation, i remeber your first posts, they were actually videos. At that time i already knew you wouldn't disappear like most newbies. And the creepy approaches at the mall chasing girls hhahah

Happy for you brother!

 

[lacroix]

thanks for the responses guys!

@Zug i was honestly hoping you would have a word on my post. underrated and I don't know why my OP has more thanks than your post lol

You do it because its part of your routine to live your best life.

this feels like my duty in life. i'm going to end up exactly what brought me to feel like a loser in the first place if i do my version of hedonism for a prolonged period of time again. and my version is just endlessly browsing the internet. not even porn or social media, just random websites and blogs.

my brain is honestly deluding me into feeling accomplished so i don't have to evolve. because evolving is scary and means you have to suck.

easier to embrace the suck when all you know is sucking. but what if you don't suck anymore? now you need to you have to get off your high horse and let it stampede all over your ego. and start sucking again. then maybe, just maybe, the equine gods will reward you with the enriching experiences you desire when you least expect it

honestly up until now i was playing not to lose. and now i have definitely Not Lost. i don't think i've ever wanted to chase being a winner. but maybe that's why the name of the site changed. winner within isn't the message i wanted to hear but perhaps needed to hear. because playing not to lose isn't the path to a fulfilling life, it's the path to the purgatory i put myself into. hey but at least it's not hell! pfft...

perhaps no longer should i be living for myself, but rather for discovering how i can provide value to people. i mean if i'm so much of a not-loser normie now, then i should be putting the yen where my mouth is right.

one thing is for certain. i fucking HATE!!!!!1!!111 that my default hobby and vice is endless internet browsing. adds no value to myself nor others, yet i succumb to it time and time again. only when i have a clear vision and purpose do i find myself free from its chains.

my default hobby will be TALKING TO HOT CHICKS!!! because that's what i want to do. when i am talking to hot chicks i feel maximally aligned with my values. my values are finding enriching life experiences, sharing them with the world, and showing the light on how others can too. the fact that it's painful now will only pay off a sweeter reward in the end. i have firsthand experience of that, anyone can read my log for proof.

speaking of talking to hot chicks...

i met up with a guy from the approach group @Toast is in. gonna call that the gaijin approach group.

dude felt like me from 2021 tbh. he was just pinballing the station for real. he got some contacts too. he was like "yeah i suck but how else am i supposed to get better" i reminisced on the approach sessions i had with @lacroix in austin back in november 2021. felt like i swapped places with him, as someone who now has Gotten The Sex a couple of times.

i myself did 10 approaches and got a little bit of a convo with a chick.

what was stopping me from doing more and sticking into sets was that "i forgot how to convo"

common tactics such as "treat her like your gf" and "monologue like a guy in her world" are easier said than done. would be great if i already had "the OK" to just act exactly how i want to, and have plenty of random and stimulating topics that'll open her up.

except i don't need her OK. and i already have topics, I'm just too scared to dive in so i get amnesia on the approach about who i even am.

advice from the gaijin approach group was that i need to go through a phase of finding out what these jappo chicks are about firsthand. of course i can watch trending YouTube videos and follow social media or whatever but the best way is to dig deep firsthand. incorrectly cold read, genuinely ask why she made the fashion choices she did, dig down into what she does in her free time.

i gotta be dora the explorer on these chicks. except the japanese version. i'm already brown enough to do it lol

TIME TO EVOLVE BITCHES!!!

Yup. And now that you have had the experience of having an attractive gf, you have the (1) confidence and (2) experience with women to make progress and realizations you couldn't have back in 2021. Keep working hard but know that you are now in a much more prepared place than you were several years ago

 

[PinchePendejo]

Get after it. Knowing the life you’ve already built in Japan…there is no doubt you’ll become the man you want to be. It was a pleasure meeting up with you. Thanks for showing us the sights!

 

[colgate / bulldog]

STOP BEING TOO SCARED TO LIVE YOUR DREAM LIFE! BITCH!

 

[colgate / bulldog]

i feel like my ability to do anything that "i don't want to do" is completely shot

and getting random positive validation about my past accolades does not help me, if anything i get more complacent

i made my first approach of the year (last month) because Manganiello pinned me about it. and i went to go approach 2 days ago because i didn't want to seem like the lame ass who turns down going out to game

positive vision unfortunately rarely drives me. i don't even know what the ideal version of myself looks like. even when i sit down to journal this, and i have several times, i can never actually believe it.

i noted down my anti-vision instead. what i don't want my life to be. and as Zug said in his post here, it'll all be my doing. there's no "guys but i had a bad childhood and had negative stats" excuse to fall back on.

tbh i'm already over that "my past was lame" shit by now. i'm more about taking responsibility for the situation i've landed myself in.

why the fuck have i not slept with even one japanese girl despite being here for a year and a half? it's because i'm too satisfied and satiated by my current position to do anything. by that i mean i can just endlessly browse the internet all day and waste my time.

i'm directly harming myself, and everyone else, by not doing the things that my little monkey brain wants to weasel out of. that is all i will say

 

[colgate / bulldog]

why do i care so much about sleeping with japanese girls? it's because in order to do that, i have to live up to how my frontal cortex imagines itself. i have to drop the NEET stay at home nerd lifestyle, i have to love to talk to people, i have to be in touch with what normal people are into (and not be some fucking edgelord coping by saying "what normies are into is so lame!"), i have to become masculine, i have to take control of my life

the banging japanese girls part for me is just a reflection that i am indeed living a life congruent to these ideals. i know (now from personal experience!) that when i am actually trying to get laid, i am becoming my best self. because banging chicks (especially if you can't get it in autosex mode) is what cuts through all the bullshit. you can't cope and you can't cop out.

which is why i am posting these rambles on my log out of desperation. because right now i'm coping and copping out

 

[lacroix]

why do i care so much about sleeping with japanese girls? it's because in order to do that, i have to live up to how my frontal cortex imagines itself. i have to drop the NEET stay at home nerd lifestyle, i have to love to talk to people, i have to be in touch with what normal people are into (and not be some fucking edgelord coping by saying "what normies are into is so lame!"), i have to become masculine, i have to take control of my life

the banging japanese girls part for me is just a reflection that i am indeed living a life congruent to these ideals. i know (now from personal experience!) that when i am actually trying to get laid, i am becoming my best self. because banging chicks (especially if you can't get it in autosex mode) is what cuts through all the bullshit. you can't cope and you can't cop out.

which is why i am posting these rambles on my log out of desperation. because right now i'm coping and copping out

YOURE A JAPANESE VIRGIN
TIME TO HUSTLE!

 

[Zug]

my brain is honestly deluding me into feeling accomplished so i don't have to evolve. because evolving is scary and means you have to suck.

You are accomplished. The real issue that no one talks about is the accomplishments don't mean anything other than in a short few minute window where theyre happening or bragging about it later. People are not unhappy because they haven't won, they're unhappy because they live like a loser. 80% of the value is in changing yourself and how you live. The other 20% is the meaningful relationships and experiences you can have as a result.

Keep in mind there is no middle ground. You're either sinking back toward how you were or continue evolving. Even trying to maintain doesn't really work. You need to be climbing a mountain, you just have more freedom in the mountains available to you now, as well as the option to climb bigger mountains.

Don't overlook the idea of your responsibility to others as a result of being more capable. Responsibility and social connection is a real effective way to keep you on the straight and narrow. It's hard to play video games and masturbate all day when you have to meet your gym partner at 7am and have a speech you have to give later that evening.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

You are accomplished. The real issue that no one talks about is the accomplishments don't mean anything other than in a short few minute window where theyre happening or bragging about it later. People are not unhappy because they haven't won, they're unhappy because they live like a loser.

thanks for pointing out this key nuance. you're right, i have achieved my dream life from age 16. and also at the same time, last week i was living like a loser so of course i felt unhappy.

80% of the value is in changing yourself and how you live. The other 20% is the meaningful relationships and experiences you can have as a result.

yeah wow, like i think up until now since i was so "goal-oriented" i was totally ignoring the effects of my actual lifestyle and only tunnel visioned on what results i was getting. i really did think that my life satisfaction was a function of my results, which is why i felt such a schism recently.

i have been aware of how "process-oriented" people seem to have more fulfilling lives and wracked my brain at "ok how tf can i actually enjoy the process instead of hyperfocusing on what results i am getting".

but this "80% of the value is in changing yourself and how you live" statement completely inverts how i think about life. i should be focusing on HOW i live my life to BE in a STATE of life fulfillment, as opposed to "achieving a specific milestone to reach the peak of life fulfillment"

i will keep this in mind going forward, thank you for the insightful posts Zug

 

[Zug]

i should be focusing on HOW i live my life to BE in a STATE of life fulfillment, as opposed to "achieving a specific milestone to reach the peak of life fulfillment"

This is a paradigm shift and it is hard. Being a sexless loser and dreaming of all the women you'll have in the future if you do 1 more rep motivates people. Finding a way to be process oriented takes more time, and I don't have all the pieces of that puzzle yet. My cloudy thoughts on the subject:

1. Have responsibilities and social connections that make compliance to your process oriented life your default action. Prioritize repeat and meaningful connections with people that want you to aim up.

2. Start the long-term mental work of internalizing the lesson that your life is good as a result of the work you're putting in consistently, not as a result of the wins you've had. My first observation of this was everytime I wanted to get promoted at work I would take on some higher level certifications*. (this was a good system at the time, but don't recommend it anymore). Everytime I passed them I'd have very little in terms of externally measurable rewards. Even the cert itself wasn't really doing anything. However, every single time I'd get a promotion or better job about 5-8 months afterwards and it continued paying off years down the line. It's obvious now the actual test and the piece of paper didn't do anything. Me becoming more skilled did.

3. Start the even longer-term process of realizing you really don't give a shit about most hedonism. Hedonism doesn't make you happy most of the time. Sometimes it really can, but it's not super common. We delude ourselves a lot on this. We keep telling ourselves the extra donut or chain masturbating is going to solve some existential crisis around how we feel, but its virtually never the case. When it does happen it's rarely, almost never, as a result of directly chasing it. Knowing that making progress up the hill you are climbing makes you happy. Knowing that you've failed to take the required steps, or that what you're trying isn't working, or not knowing the method to climb is what makes you miserable.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

lacroix is visiting me in japan and we motivated each other to approach.

got my first instadate of the year! no pull and exchanged. will get feedback from the gaijin approach group but for now:

 

[Antonio44]

. i should be focusing on HOW i live my life to BE in a STATE of life fulfillment, as opposed to "achieving a specific milestone to reach the peak of life fulfillment"

I really like this realisation. Like achieving the goals isn't that fufilling/the feeling fades and there's always another goal to make, enjoying the journey is where its at.

3. Start the even longer-term process of realizing you really don't give a shit about most hedonism. Hedonism doesn't make you happy most of the time. Sometimes it really can, but it's not super common. We delude ourselves a lot on this. We keep telling ourselves the extra donut or chain masturbating is going to solve some existential crisis around how we feel, but its virtually never the case. When it does happen it's rarely, almost never, as a result of directly chasing it. Knowing that making progress up the hill you are climbing makes you happy. Knowing that you've failed to take the required steps, or that what you're trying isn't working, or not knowing the method to climb is what makes you miserable.

Perhaps we have different definitions of hedonism but I think it's great. Like the past week, my highlights were taking my girl skiing for the first time and a late night visiting some old friends drinking and reminiscing about past stories, I laughed so hard that I cried. I just think the examples you give aren't really hedonistic - eating that extra donut when you're already full isn't really pleasurable.

More and more I identify with the quote from the book "into the wild", "happiness is only real when shared".

Finally, I'd put forth another reason. What the fuck was the point of getting your life together and pulling yourself out of despair? Is the end goal just to just more optimally pursue hedonism? I didn't do all this shit just for me. I did it so I could spread this success outward to those around me. First to my immediate friends and family, and then to my local community and beyond.

I superlike this. Did you always feel this way?

Society is crumbling because all the people capable of fixing it are choosing not to. This site exists because Andy turned around and tried to show his path to other people. Sure, he had other personal goals too, but it would have been easier to not do this and just find some other job. I suspect he realized all the work he did was wasted if he wasn't able to share it with others like him.

I started thinking a lot about maximising impact/legacy the past couple of years, I agree a lot with improving society. TBH it's women (mostly exs) whos softness/caring is rubbing off on me, I used to be selfish as fuck but now I've got about 10% nice guy in me, and I'm motivated to get rich for the impact I can do with it. This forum is full of abnormal dudes (myself included!) and I love it, normal doesn't change society.

 

[Zug]

I superlike this. Did you always feel this way

/quote]

Pretty much. Never had much interest in being a fuckboi or body count. To me all that was just a means of educating myself. I always wanted to be the type of person I wished I had in my life, but never had. I enjoy providing, but not in the sense of buying some bimbo a new iphone. I want to help people aim up, and become the best version of themselves, according to their definition, not mine. (*within reason)

Perhaps we have different definitions of hedonism but I think it's great. Like the past week, my highlights were taking my girl skiing for the first time and a late night visiting some old friends drinking and reminiscing about past stories, I laughed so hard that I cried. I just think the examples you give aren't really hedonistic - eating that extra donut when you're already full isn't really pleasurable.

More and more I identify with the quote from the book "into the wild", "happiness is only real when shared".

This gets real complicated when you try to think about hedonism philosophically. I'm not referring to the Epicurean definition or any 'higher order' form of hedonism. If you're discussing that form, I'm open to the idea.

I'm referring to 'lower order' meaning, the desire to fulfill your baser urges frequently and excessively, uselessly, and to your own detriment. Meaningless sex, consumerism, overuse of drugs and alcohol, porn, video gaming, doomscrolling, etc.

 

[colgate / bulldog]

so great news! had my first cold approach date in japan last night!



but she rejected the pull. like as if going to a love hotel with me was the worst possible idea in existence. or at least that's how i took it.

i won't get into the details of the date here, but the main feedback i got from the gaijin approach group was that by being so deflated and not maintaining a positive vibe despite the rejection and trying again later/switching activities, it just pushed her farther back.

guys are saying they treat a girl rejecting a pull as if she said "no thanks, don't want another coffee or drink". and that it doesn't affect them. in fact, they'll try a few different times at different (or even the same) hotel, or alternatively bounce into a karaoke room/net cafe and even sometimes hook up there.

the reason getting deflated and down about pull rejections is so bad is because she sees it as a microcosm of what would happen if you're in a hotel room with her. guys who are reactive about being rejected or pushed back are more likely to lash out on the girl resisting him in the bedroom, and unlike the street, she's extremely vulnerable in a hotel room.



by the way, one of the guys giving me feedback is a bengali guy, who apparently has close to 100 lays in around 3 years of being in japan. he also asked ME for style advice a few weeks ago, and i've met him in person and he doesn't look that much different than i do.

yet he was really driving home about how positive he is in the face of rejections, which is why he can convert.

so let's finally put the nail in the coffin about how "brown guys have it bad". yeah maybe we don't have "autosex" and the JBW game on hand/chicks purely liking us for our looks, but that's really not an achilles' heel. and we can realistically make up for it. i think every time a brown dude (including myself) struggles hard, it's more like we have some really shitty inner world beliefs and perhaps even just a shitty lifestyle where we have nothing to be proud of. which are actually both whitepills and fixable things, but you must have self-awareness to even identify what exactly is making your inner world shitty, and then commitment to actually go and fix those.




which brings me to my next point...

i went out today to do day 7 of the AA program. but i noticed i had quite an eerie aura. i got blown off 3 times, for just trying to ask the time!. i noticed i was still overly down about my date from the previous night. and being told by peers "but you got your first cold approach date in japan!" and my other accolades certainly didn't help me much honestly. i'll quote Zug:

The real issue that no one talks about is the accomplishments don't mean anything other than in a short few minute window where theyre happening or bragging about it later. People are not unhappy because they haven't won, they're unhappy because they live like a loser.

i reflected on how the bengali guy would have probably perceived the date from last night, and how he would perceive getting blown off. that guy is just a positive ass mfer. and it's the attitude i need.

however, the thought of being so chipper in the face of pull rejections (or any rejections that aren't "nice") feels so foreign to me. i get way too affected by it. how tf do you just keep going?

probably i am associating being autistically blown off by japanese girls and these kinds of pull rejections as a reflection of myself. but why would i do that? i feel like when my now-gf pulled back, it seemed silly af, because somehow i knew she liked me.

like check out this part of that report:

ok give me a hug

she reluctantly gives me a weird side hug. oh hell naw

i pull her chin into mine and give her a quick peck on the lips.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yep i stole yo first kiss. sorry what u gon do about it

her face turns into a scowl, mouth agape

hmph!!!!!!!!!

she storms off through the train gates, with no parting words



next day in class, she FREEZES ME OUT ..... ICE COLD!!!!

not a fucking word or reaction to my existence!

this is just like approaching japanese girls in the station!

looking back, it's not a lack of knowledge on how to handle the situation. and maybe it's not so foreign to me.

so why can't i treat all chicks i approach or on a date with like my gf?

with my now-gf, i think from the beginning, i knew i was the fucking shit.

also at the time i was waking up at 5:30am, slamming the weights every morning, and telling everyone to drink 2 liters of water a day. go figure.

even when she acted like this, i knew deep down she liked me and i could see straight through what she was doing. i knew if i literally pretended nothing happened like a clueless retard, she would come around. and she did.

so WHY CAN'T I DO THIS ON COLD APPROACHES??????????????????????????????????????????????? AND COLD APPROACH DATES???????????????????????????????? why are girls i meet on the street somehow different????????????????????????????????????????

maybe it's because my now-gf made it so obvious she liked me from day one and that she wanted me. so that probably added to my "idgaf" factor.

do i gotta fake it til i make it??? is that the game???





gotta stop being such an entitled and whiny asshole i guess! and stop associating negative outcomes all on myself!

still wonder why i am so sensitive to these blowoffs and "things not going my way" tho...




hey well at least im going to go to my gfs place now, have dinner cooked, and bang her lol

 

[Zug]

however, the thought of being so chipper in the face of pull rejections (or any rejections that aren't "nice") feels so foreign to me. i get way too affected by it. how tf do you just keep going?

You don't have to be chipper in the face of rejection. Don't set the bar that high. You just have to reach the point the pain of being too scared to ask / approach is higher than the pain of being rejected. That's it. Once you reach that point you are good.

Being chipper in the face of rejection is possible, but you need a certain personality for it. Rebelliousness and disdain for authority combined with high levels of the good type of callousness, then having a mental framework where you can easily parse failure as progress fuel. This is the ultimate form of not giving a fuck.

While it's possible, I don't know if its really optimal. It starts to push you more into being alien.

 

[MakingAComeback]

Haha sounds good man, positive learnings for ya.

I've had them decline pulls 3x, but agree to go on a post date walk, then I've built more connection, got more investment, opened up more and pitched again.

The gal I saw the day I left Budapest, rejected all pull attempts, but then at the end, when I told her I'm a content creator and we can go back to my studio, she lit up and agreed

Inside she made out more, and then insisted she had to go see a friend. I convinced her to come back to mine after seeing her friend, she agreed, but then changed her mind lul.

Point being, a guy who gets lots of pussy and gets laid, really isn't sweating these hoes, and you can kinda take it or leave it. Atleast that's the energy you want to give them. You can find new and alternative calibrated ways to pitch and keep grinding until the bitter end.

so let's finally put the nail in the coffin about how "brown guys have it bad". yeah maybe we don't have "autosex" and the JBW game on hand/chicks purely liking us for our looks, but that's really not an achilles' heel. and we can realistically make up for it. i think every time a brown dude (including myself) struggles hard, it's more like we have some really shitty inner world beliefs and perhaps even just a shitty lifestyle where we have nothing to be proud of. which are actually both whitepills and fixable things, but you must have self-awareness to even identify what exactly is making your inner world shitty, and then commitment to actually go and fix those.

I understand the sentiment.

But, rather than just dismissing the experience of all browns, who frankly have worked a lot harder than you, it may be more useful to focus on learnings gained from examples of success, rather than dismissing real, objective disadvantages and disparities.

You will be fine. You have a decent face and are in the right place to overcome all disadvantages. Yet, there are browns, who do not have a good face, not good height, and are f**king cucked. I've had many reach out to me, and it was rough. Yet, with persistence, they can create outcomes. You just have to be an absolute gangster and become steel inside. Cold, heart, relentless.

Yes, you CAN make up for it. I do, Dante does, others do.

However, it requires a specific approach, and for one to go f**king hard as shit to get the deeper insights required. You are doing good to recognise other groups (white, black, Asian) will have girls who will like them for their looks, get Yes girls, get autosex, and this, unfortunately, can mean these men can be the worst little blabbermouths and parrot things we both know would not work at low SMV. Its Just Exist mode for a reason and it is part of the game. Totally cool, also. No worries.

Low SMV is a superb forcing function, and for this, I am glad: you have to make attraction happen, you need good vibe, presence, energy, and charisma.

........These things can be a badge of honour.

And you also need a specific toolkit to deal with the actual nature of a low SMV sex life: most girls, will ghost. Some will feel shame that they slept with you, many will be judged by their friends, and it can be a precarious and difficult situation, unless you are able to deeply understand what is going on and work with it.

Putting the nail in the coffin, so to speak, does not serve us in being able to understand and find favourable ways to navigate the experience. I recognise you're not trying to deny, and are recognising that it's TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME. However, it will take one dropping their ego, and really getting a lot, lot smarter.

The correct inner world beliefs, are to not take it personally, at all. To believe deeply in yourself. And to find ways to compete favourably, and be willing to outgrind your competition.

BTW, it is possible to see objective reality, and not be destroyed by it. It's possible to understand you're dealt a hand that may not be ideal, and play it superbly well. It's possible to have adverse circumstances (hello?) and still win. It's possible to have every disadvantage in the book, and win.

It depends how you look at it.

Modelling effective practice, and seeing reality for what it is, and finding ways to win regardless, is what the best in the world do. They prepare for every eventually and find ways to win.

Some browns, do well. Traits they have in common: good face, racially ambiguous, and the ones who do really well, are activating the SMV of other races (white or black).

And yet, you can have none of these things, and still create outcomes. It is nightmare mode, yes, but it can be done. I did it with a bad/ugly face, brown-brown and no racial ambiguity, and just being cold, calloused, and steel to the absolute bone.

You will create outcomes, of this, I have no doubt. You're going to be fine.

-Ravi

 

[colgate / bulldog]

you have to make attraction happen, you need good vibe, presence, energy, and charisma.

yes

 

[MakingAComeback]

.............AND THATS THE BOTTOM LINE...........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9zDSJGwdd4

Keep working, legend

When you become a SLAYER in Japan, you will be considered pretty much the GOAT man

I am super stoked about being able to read this. It has moved me massively and greatly inspired me to see you back in the game.

-Ravi

 

[colgate / bulldog]

hello here is my list of things i am grateful for right now (in random order)

• the fact that i have skills allowing me to gain permanent residence in the country with the hottest chicks in the world by next year

• lacroix for coming to japan last week and pushing me to approach, netting me my first instadate and regular date this year

• having a network of guys in this space supporting me in my dating journey whom i can talk to any time

• being able to walk outside my house and within 2 minutes talk to said hottest chicks in the world

• the bengali guy in the gaijin approach group who is killing it

• Zug for making absolutely fire posts on my log and helping me reflect and take action

• my gf who told me that i look so cool and whipped out her phone unprompted to take this pic of me

that's it. i hope you have a good day. because i will also have a good day. and we will be one step closer to having the dating life of our dreams.

 

[pancakemouse]

• my gf who told me that i look so cool and whipped out her phone unprompted to take this pic of me

IMG_20240405_220621(1).jpg

You forgot to add that you're grateful for FaceApp