• Welcome to the forums, Guest. Please note that you must make a post in the introduction thread and upload an avatar to gain full access to the forums.

Crimson‘s Journey to Self-Love

Everyone who delelops mental health problems thinks they're going insane, dude.

This is just what happens in HIGH ANXIETY

I had this FOR YEARS

Go find dr claire weeks on youtube

Watch over & over

-Watch the sunrise
-Grounding/Earthing
-Seafood (brain recovery)

Try the above for 30 days. I don't think you know how much you can recover with these alone.

MAC
 
MakingAComeback I took in everything that you said, thank you very much. I’ll build a couple of cornerstone habits out of the things you said and document it in my progress log.
 
Progress in finding a Therapist:

Made a couple more calls and there was a psychotherapist who answered. They took my information and the therapist will call me.

I also scheduled a first session with another therapist today for next week. She’s female, I’d rather talk to a male therapist, but I have to take what I can get right now.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Expressing my pain:

I feel like I’ll never amount to anything. I take one step up and I’m immediately dragged downwards. Or I let myself get dragged.

I’ve been holding everything in for so long. Now I feel all alone. I see everyone around me getting ahead and it feels like I’m left behind. I don’t see an end to the pain I’m feeling. I just want it all to end.

„I can always commit suicide tomorrow so what can I do with today?“





Got a therapy session tomorrow. Also reached out to my school counselor.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Making a Plan:

I heard something about crisis intervention from a therapist on YouTube. He said that you have to focus on the known variables when in crisis, meaning the immediate threat/obstacle.

My immediate threat is that I want to kill myself. But I obviously don’t really want that, I just want the pain to end. But that’s not possible, because life is inherently painful/ suffering.

So naturally, the goal is the reduction of pain.





So, what in my life right now are the main sources of pain?

•School
•My parents
•Myself


What will I do/ did I do to reduce the pain from these sources?

•School: Made an appointment with my school counselor. I will ask her about the possibility to take a leave of absence from school to focus on my mental health. If that’s not possible, I may have to consider quitting school altogether.

•My parents: Today my dad told me that he will call child protective services on me if it continues like this. I will make a post on the baby steps I need to take to move out later.

•Myself: Get therapy and teach myself CBT


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Update post

On Monday I had that group therapy session about depression. Other participants are min. 12 years older than me, but it was still good to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same thing.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship in kindergarten that started last week Tuesday. I only went that day and then I quit. My parents think I’m still going, but I’m really just in the library. Told my teacher I’m quitting and we met yesterday.

They asked why, I told them I’m suicidal. They were really understanding and seem like they really want to help me. They asked wether I ever considered hospitalization, but I’m not to keen on that because it would mean that I have to repeat this semester.

So my teacher told me to make another appointment with my doctor and be insistent on finding a way to get a therapy spot quicker. Also got another meeting with my Teachers on Friday where we’ll discuss what to do about my mental health and academic future.

I also loaned out the book about CBT again, currently reading that.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
 
Crimson said:
Update post

On Monday I had that group therapy session about depression. Other participants are min. 12 years older than me, but it was still good to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same thing.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship in kindergarten that started last week Tuesday. I only went that day and then I quit. My parents think I’m still going, but I’m really just in the library. Told my teacher I’m quitting and we met yesterday.

They asked why, I told them I’m suicidal. They were really understanding and seem like they really want to help me. They asked wether I ever considered hospitalization, but I’m not to keen on that because it would mean that I have to repeat this semester.

So my teacher told me to make another appointment with my doctor and be insistent on finding a way to get a therapy spot quicker. Also got another meeting with my Teachers on Friday where we’ll discuss what to do about my mental health and academic future.

I also loaned out the book about CBT again, currently reading that.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Click to expand...

Just focus on you and your healing bro

Do you understand much about healing itself?

The Mind & Body are interlinked. They support each other.

There are many ways to heal, and in healing, you'll accomplish everything else.

Key is to be well.

Again, I sound like a broken record, but I still have 12 years of research and deep experience in healing and saved myself from the depths.

The basics matter a lot.

Watch the sunrise

Practice earthing

Consume DHA daily (very important for mental health, sick brains often are inflamed)

Cold exposure

The Mind: Meditation, therapy, visualisation, reading, inner work and inquiry

SLEEP: You must be in bed at 10pm if you're in need of healing dude.

Keep working...........Keep attending therapy, also, start reading Letting Go, in fact, just read through Andy's book reccomendations

I watch & read a lot of Andy's content. I consider this medicine for the mind. It keeps me healthy and supports my healing. 2 hours of watching Andy, on a healing journey, is time well spent.

It's not all TAKE ACTION BRO. It's also, mental and emotional health dude.

There are many paths up the mountain, happiness is the foundation of true life success.

Goals achieved in misery are in fact failure

R
 
You’re fighting the strongest demon in self improvement which is self acceptance and self love. I’m proud of you to take steps out of the comfort zone and talk about it with other people. You will come stronger out of this.

When you overcome this challenge in the future, you will look back on it and admire of what you were capable of conquering.

Crimson said:
I’ve been holding everything in for so long. Now I feel all alone. I see everyone around me getting ahead and it feels like I’m left behind. I don’t see an end to the pain I’m feeling. I just want it all to end.
Click to expand...

Comparison is unnecessary.

There are some guys who’ve been doing this for 10+ years relentlessly. Ofcourse they are ahead in some way.

We are here to support you in your journey. Be proud of all the good things you’ve already done and remember that everyone makes his own story.
 
MakingAComeback said:
Crimson said:
Update post

On Monday I had that group therapy session about depression. Other participants are min. 12 years older than me, but it was still good to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same thing.

I’m currently doing an apprenticeship in kindergarten that started last week Tuesday. I only went that day and then I quit. My parents think I’m still going, but I’m really just in the library. Told my teacher I’m quitting and we met yesterday.

They asked why, I told them I’m suicidal. They were really understanding and seem like they really want to help me. They asked wether I ever considered hospitalization, but I’m not to keen on that because it would mean that I have to repeat this semester.

So my teacher told me to make another appointment with my doctor and be insistent on finding a way to get a therapy spot quicker. Also got another meeting with my Teachers on Friday where we’ll discuss what to do about my mental health and academic future.

I also loaned out the book about CBT again, currently reading that.


TAKE ACTION

Crimson
Click to expand...

Just focus on you and your healing bro

Do you understand much about healing itself?

The Mind & Body are interlinked. They support each other.

There are many ways to heal, and in healing, you'll accomplish everything else.

Key is to be well.

Again, I sound like a broken record, but I still have 12 years of research and deep experience in healing and saved myself from the depths.

The basics matter a lot.

Watch the sunrise

Practice earthing

Consume DHA daily (very important for mental health, sick brains often are inflamed)

Cold exposure

The Mind: Meditation, therapy, visualisation, reading, inner work and inquiry

SLEEP: You must be in bed at 10pm if you're in need of healing dude.

Keep working...........Keep attending therapy, also, start reading Letting Go, in fact, just read through Andy's book reccomendations

I watch & read a lot of Andy's content. I consider this medicine for the mind. It keeps me healthy and supports my healing. 2 hours of watching Andy, on a healing journey, is time well spent.

It's not all TAKE ACTION BRO. It's also, mental and emotional health dude.

There are many paths up the mountain, happiness is the foundation of true life success.

Goals achieved in misery are in fact failure

R
Click to expand...

Right, I hear you, thanks.
 
kratjeuh said:
You’re fighting the strongest demon in self improvement which is self acceptance and self love. I’m proud of you to take steps out of the comfort zone and talk about it with other people. You will come stronger out of this.

When you overcome this challenge in the future, you will look back on it and admire of what you were capable of conquering.

Crimson said:
I’ve been holding everything in for so long. Now I feel all alone. I see everyone around me getting ahead and it feels like I’m left behind. I don’t see an end to the pain I’m feeling. I just want it all to end.
Click to expand...

Comparison is unnecessary.

There are some guys who’ve been doing this for 10+ years relentlessly. Ofcourse they are ahead in some way.

We are here to support you in your journey. Be proud of all the good things you’ve already done and remember that everyone makes his own story.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot.
 
The therapist gave me sheets of paper where I can right down the activity and the mood (from 1-10, 1 meaning feeling super shitty) that I currently have for every hour of the day.

For example:

7-8 A.M.: Woke up, 4

Or 6 P.M.: Gym, 6





I’ve kept track for a week now. Most of the time my mood was a 4,5. The highest was 6 and the only time I felt like that was when I was doing some sort of physical activity (sports, running, gym, home workout). Makes sense, since exercise is heavily advised for treatment of depression.

Yesterday I played basketball again for the first time in like 4 weeks. Also did some song writing and drawing.
 
Good

Exercise is great

Self work is great

Meditation, visualisation, all fantastic things

YOU CAN HEAL 100% AND BE GREATER THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED

I was a fucking train wreck for a lot of my life dude

I became MAC at 29

Now, Greatness is inevitable............
 
What’s up, I just recorded a song I made. It’s about my struggles with self-harm, so I thought it would fit in my log.

I added the link to my YouTube Channel in the signature, you can check the song out on there if you want to.
 
Crimson said:
What’s up, I just recorded a song I made. It’s about my struggles with self-harm, so I thought it would fit in my log.

I added the link to my YouTube Channel in the signature, you can check the song out on there if you want to.
Click to expand...

I love it dude. This is a good start. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAOcJe3do2g

Do you look at music as a different language for you to express yourself? Do you plan to keep making more or was this a one-time experiment for you?

I also am working to make music in the future for self-expression, especially of my emotions. Keep it up dude!!
 
komeback_kile said:
Crimson said:
What’s up, I just recorded a song I made. It’s about my struggles with self-harm, so I thought it would fit in my log.

I added the link to my YouTube Channel in the signature, you can check the song out on there if you want to.
Click to expand...

I love it dude. This is a good start. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAOcJe3do2g

Do you look at music as a different language for you to express yourself? Do you plan to keep making more or was this a one-time experiment for you?

I also am working to make music in the future for self-expression, especially of my emotions. Keep it up dude!!
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot! Felt self-conscious about posting it but good to know that somebody likes it.

Music is definitely a form of expression to me, same with drawing and storywriting. I would say music allows me to express the emotions that I may not be able to articulate as easily. And I can just generally express anything I want in a more creative way.

Definitely planning on making more, I’m always writing songs, just gotta work on actually finishing them, haha.

Thanks again, looking forward to hearing your music as well!
 
Haven’t posted in this log for a while. Still taking antidepressants, making me feel a bit better. Asked an old friend if he wanted to hang out and an other old friend recently hit me up.

I want to make some friends again :)
 
Gonna most likely move out of parents house next month, so that’s good news. Honestly, I’m just moving on autopilot. Everything is a drag, but I try to do the tasks anyways. This emoji is how I feel:😐.

I prefer this over how erratic I was when I was harming myself tho. I think the antidepressants help stabilize me, but also kinda numbed me emotionally.

I can be laughing with someone, having a good time, but it doesn’t matter. That grey cloud is always there.

Hard to find a therapist, but I’ll slowly work towards hitting up some old friends and potentially opening up to them about how I’m feeling.

Anyways, one step at a time.
 
Good work.

What are some small steps you could do to work on self-love yourself?

Things I like:

-Journalling
-Introspection and self reflection, often on walks, or just pacing around my house, organising my inner being
-Content: You can absorb content from higher vibration beings, and internalise their way of thought. Consider how many people have remarked that they changed their life from simply reading my log, for instance. Words, are powerful, because they are the unit which our mind decodes and processes as thought in the subconscious, Many men in this world, healed themselves though reading, studying, and internalising.

Medications, were probably needed in your case, as you were very acute, and self harming.

Below all of that, you will find the real root causes.

I call this, in my company at least, "finding your wounds"

They always come out, for everyone.

Including me.

I now view self improvement, as a 3 pronged process:

Healing the body

Executing a structured approach to goal achievement

Healing the inner being

Working on any of these 3, will lead to greater success. Work on all 3, will lead to greatness.

Keep logging.

-MAC
 
Good to see ya here Crimson

"Mix the skin with the metal
Play a game with the devil "

dude whatta line
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top