MilkyWay said:
Sisyphus said:
Never take things slower. Your subconscious mind is looking for opportunities to fuck you. If you make things easier for yourself, you'll underperform
I hope you realize how profound what you said was. I really needed to hear that man. Momentum is really important for a lot of things.
By the way, what were your overall thoughts on the AA program? I've been thinking of doing it soon.
Also, that painting you posted is super cool
It's profound because it comes from experience. Never take your foot off the pedal. Also, don't make Plan B, C, D... just go all in with plan A. I'm not succesful so take this with a grain of salt.
As I said I don't believe in the law of attraction but at the same time I believe "it works" on a practical level. Success really comes down to who you are, and a lot of that is subconscious/unconscious. What you think about on a daily basis. What is your comfort zone. What are you afraid of. What do you think is your capacity. What type of people do you hang around. What girls you believe are capable to get. (Chris gll talked about this as sense of entitlement) What amount of money you can handle. What you feel you deserve in life.
Succesful people ain't spreadsheeting decisions to death. They aren't necessarily super high IQ, making super smart strategies, They just have HIGH SELF STEEM. So they hang around succesful people. They position themselves in a place of more abundant opportunity and they take those opportunities without hesitation. And they do that on autopilot, because that's their default. Losers are afraid of making decisions, they are afraid of making mistakes. They are afraid of approaching succesful ppl, so they settle for less succesful ppl that give them bad advice. They are uncomfortable on high status environments, they are comfortable in their mediocre safe world. They miss obvious opportunities that are in front of their faces, it's like they are invisible (like when a girl from social circle shows signs of interest and u don't make moves). Because they live literally on another reality than succesful ppl.
Even if sometimes they venture to the unknown and make some improvements, it becomes too stressful. The pull from the default comfort zone becomes too strong. Family and friends don't like it when you become succesful and independent. So eventually you find a way to underperform and "correct" for the mistake of success, like a thermostat that must keep room temperature constant. Your biology doesn't care about goals, achievements, money, etc. Your biological imperative is to survive and leave offspring. If your body feels that success is a threat to your survival, you will fail. When you approach chicks or whenever you do something out of the ordinary, different from other ppl that sorround you, you feel vulnerable, not part of the tribe, thus in risk of not surviving.
It's not easy to beat this. Statistically, if you were born in a poor family, you will die poor. While I'm not denying that some actual limitations might exist, I would say that the reason the vast majority of ppl isn't succesful is: 1) they don't believe they are able/deserving to be succesful 2) they don't want that bad to be succesful. Again, this is almost close to impossible to beat, otherwise I would be on the succesful camp. This reality is so painful to admit that unsuccesful ppl develop a belief system that justifies their unfulfilled potential. Nietzsche talks about it as "slave morality". It's not the point of this post to dwelve into philosophy, but basically, slaves deem healthy, desirable traits of the master (independence, leadership, confidence, dominance, etc) as sinful, thus alleviating the pain of not possesing what they desire. Examples of slave moralists: social justice warriors and white knights. White knights will chastise the guy that's approaching for no reason other than justifying their own cuckness while fantasizing of way worse things than whatever the approaching guy performs in practice.
Other way unsuccesful ppl cope with succesful ppl, besides morally condemning success, is thinking that it's impossible. It sounds like a seminar sales pitch, but it is true that a lot of what you concieve possible has nothing to do with hard facts and everything to do with social conditioning and your own fears. I can prove to you that a lot of conventional wisdom is objectively wrong. It's not surprising though, during most of history humans believed in all sort of crazy shit, and still to this day ppl believe in astrology, molecular water, you name it. But sometimes seemingly crazy shit does happen, and not believing in it is ignorance. Take for example any invention, like the telephone, cars, planes, the atomic bomb, personal computer, smartphone. A lot of "experts" of their day believed that the above was impossible to achieve, or that it wouldn't work on the market. They were deadly wrong.
So, for example, most people believe it's impossible to bang a girl you just met on the streets, you need to use an app or meet through common friends, or go through a lot of dates, or that you can only do it if you have high cheekbones, hunter eyes, are 6'2" and rock designer clothes. LOL. You have plenty of evidence that this is not true. Not impossible, but statistically unlikely. But you could easily beat statistics by brute force if you weren't so scared of doing it, you could fly through dozens of approaches like it's nothing. If you approach 150-200 girls in the next couple of days, you will get laid. This isn't hard to do in a big city. You just don't believe it and/or don't want it bad enough. I garantee you that in your lifetime, going by the streets/public transport/uni campus, you have crossed paths with at least 50 women that you could have smashed. Only if you approached them of course. But nobody does it, so you believe that it is natural to avoid talking to women that you don't know. You wan't ppl to like you and say nice things about you, more than you want to accomplish goals. It's "weird" to cold approach. This feeling of weirdness is what will keep you forever exactly where you are.
It took me 2 years of accomplishing that simple feat of banging a chick from cold approach, for the reasons I exposed above, perhaps in a big city it would have taken me less, but I was still very slow. Completely below my potential. I wish I drank the gll koolaid. Instead, I tried to tweak things and do things my own way, instead of following the instructions exactly as they are written. The most succesful guys are the ones that follow the advice of a mentor like it was the word of God. It needs to be almost like a religious experience, you need to want to succeed with all your heart and believe with all your heart that the "system works", like you believed when you were a kid in santa claus. If I believed in "just talk to a lot of girls", I would have gotten laid in two months, not two years.
With all this context, let's talk about the AA program. It's great, it changed my life, it's fun. But over time I came to realize that it might be another tool of procrastination, of not going after the real thing. I did up to day 42 and still had approach anxiety. Default is a bitch and you always go back to being afraid.
-It's like using training wheels, or training vs playing a match. The real thing is just different from the learning stage and while you can simulate the real thing, it's never 100% the real thing and your mind knows it.
-You reinforce the belief that you NEED the training in order to perform, which makes you more insecure and dependant on the training. Approach anxiety now becomes a "thing" that you need to "beat", while instead all you need to do is just.fucking.do.it
Which is what I'd say to you. Just.fucking.do.it. You.don't.need.any.programs.to.approach.girls. You either want it bad enough or you don't. This is the truth.
The exception is, you want it bad enough, but you carry a ton of baggage. Nowadays it's not much of an exception, but the rule, LOL. The good news is, it's not just you and me, most kids our generation and younger are mentally fucked. Civilization has fucked us. We became too complacent.
Now, this is what I would consider baggage (I'm not trying to invent problems out of thin air, but if you are on an internet forum looking for advice to get laid, you're probably more fucked than you think)
-You've never been in a fight as a kid/teenager (yes, not facing adversity equals baggage).
-You lost your virginity after 18.
-You never had a girlfriend.
-You weren't part of the incrowd in highschool.
-You were addicted or semi addicted to porn at one point in your life.
-You were addicted or semi eddicted to videogames at one point in your life.
-You feel very insecure about looks and are obsessed with looks, bodybuilding, etc.(how you look is the least important problem you have though, but how feel about it is important).
-You are shy/introvert, you feel anxious at social situations/events.
-You had significant exposure to postmodernist or feminist philosophy.
-You had a religious upbringing, or significant exposure to religions that repress sexuality
-You had significant exposure to black pill/incel philosophy and hold negative/resentful views about women.
-You lived with your parents after adulthood (depends on the country and culture, but I'd say, after 18-21 in first world countries and 20-23 in third world countries).
-You describe yourself as a negative/pessimistic/unhappy person.
-You never had a job or significant responsibility, or you were a NEET for a period of more than 6 months in one point of your life.
-You've never tried to improve your sex life before the age of 23
-You'd describe yourself as a generally risk averse person
If you tick 3 boxes or less, you are overall normal, you don't need any aa program, just approach.
If you tick 3-6 boxes, you'll probably benefit from the AA program, although you can just approach instead, with a decent amount of effort.
If you tick 6-9 boxes you are on the limit, you probably should do some AA/Social Anxiety drills to desensitize yourself
If you tick more than 9 boxes, good luck mate. It's not impossible to fix your sex life, but almost impossible, and you'll have to spend money, time an effort to improve even just the minimum and you will suffer a lot.
Chris was right that for some reason the most vulnerable guys are the ones that gravitate towards the toughest form of dating (cold approach), while normies don't. And most guys that spend time on internet forums aren't part for the normie crowd. Which is why PUA companies target insecure/low self esteem guys and are succesful. For the love of god, whatever you do, don't get sucked into that, or PNL or EFT. Oh, and don't buy Phenibut or Kratom, or any of the crap that Chris suggests. I'm not against it in a moral way, but I believe he obviously pushed it because he sold it, it's what it's. It won't solve the root of your problems at all.
Tl;DR If you are a normal guy, just approach, if you have emotional issues, do the aa program, maybe go to a proper psychologist.
