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GN's Progress Log - Self-Love Arc: A bit better this week + Physique Update

1/14:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 3/3
->Today's Calories: 1750 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 52g
->Today's Protein Intake: 133g

Notes:

Got sick but I had to leave my room because the internet in my apartment has just stopped working all together and I had some work I needed to get done. I have called on these fuckers like four times to fix my internet yet somehow it does nothing. Fucking shit I may need to switch plans. Bought some cough+sore throat medicine though.

At least today in gym I was training legs so I didn't feel total shit.

I also made plans with a guy in my area I met at salsa night to get some photos done for my profile. I told him I could also take some pictures for him too so hopefully this works out.
 
1/15:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1738 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 40g
->Today's Protein Intake: 128g

Notes:

Ok so this is incredibly lazy of me but I finally got around to watching the Squinch video by Peter Hurley. I searched up some Men's magazine covers to get more references and I think I get what he is talking about. I wrote down notes which should hopefully aid me in practice.

Notes made were:
-Narrow distance between lower eyelid and pupil
-Move upper eyelid down very little
-No "deer in headlights" look
-Side angle
-Throw in a smile (if you want)

Some of the examples he gave were a bit confusing though and they looked like they moved their upper eyelid far more than their lower one. Either way I will just do what he says and get some practice in.

Ill watch his jaw video next

On another note I had a really solid week on Hinge for some reason. Like 7 matches in a week, three on the same day and all pretty solid quality. Of course this is nothing compared to some other people but I am pretty stoked to see how things go with improved pics.

Bumble shadowban theory is disproved also. In the past few days I got like 2 matches and they were not bots. Still though, I think I have burned through many of the girls on the app so pic improvement is necessary, then reset.
 
1/16:


Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1839 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 67g
->Today's Protein Intake: 144g

Notes:

I had a dream that I relapsed to porn again and I woke up in a cold sweat this morning fucking terrified but I checked my surroundings and opened my phone and realized I didn't open any porn and it was just a dream. In my dream the location of my relapse was my parent's house but ofc I am not there right now. I still think about certain porn videos time to time but I feel no urge to watch it. Even when I do think about it its not "oh I want to watch that video again" its "oh I hope I can experience something like that for myself".

I ordered a satin lined beanie because it seems going out in this shit weather without a hat is a surefire way to damage my hair. I woke up this morning and it was super greasy looking which made it look thinner than usual.

I picked up some L-citrulline because I heard its a good pre-workout supplement and it helps erection quality. I took like 6g before my workout and idk how much it did, but I did have a good workout and the pump was good. In any case I bought a small pack. I will just finish it and see if anything happens.

Finished the first week of my 6-week mini cut. Don't feel much different but Ill see this through to the end.

Did some squinching practice during my lunch break. I need to get better at not moving my upper eyelids as much, the lower lid moves well luckily.
 
L-arginine is great for nitric oxide production and has improved eq for me too.
 
Sewerdog said:
L-arginine is great for nitric oxide production and has improved eq for me too.
Click to expand...

Yeah I was told L-Citrulline is a L-Arginine precursor so it would help. So far idk what it’s doing but I’m defo enjoying my workouts more
 
1/17:


Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1806 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 56g
->Today's Protein Intake: 141g
 
1/19

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2461cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 67g
->Today's Protein Intake: 141g

Notes:

Today was a cheat day so calories kinda went off the rails but I still try to meet my protein intake.

I met my old Biochem 1 and 2 professor yesterday and I told him how I’m doing Ochem tutoring on the side but it’s hard to find clients. He said to go to the Chem department office and ask if they can put you on a private tutor list along with your contact information.
What he told me was that there are an influx of students who want tutors but specific tutors cannot be recommended. However they can be directed to that tutor list.


I showed up there today and asked about it. They checked my grades and said I was in the clear but now they needed approval from one of my former professors. I contacted both my ochem 1 and 2 professors. My ochem 2 prof responded and said I’d make a great tutor so I got put on the list. She also emailed me saying there’s another list specifically for ochem tutors so I submitted an application for that too.

Outside of that I may have one new client. Past few days I have cold messaged about 11 or so people on Reddit about tutoring. This one is in Ochem 2 right now but desperately wants to review Ochem 1 basics. I contacted him on Reddit after seeing a “cry for help” type post.

I went to my city’s Salsa night again after a long time. It was fun to visit again and sorta try some nightgame as well. I talked with a bunch of girls there, but it didn’t go much of anywhere. It’s fine tho I just wanted to vibe today.

Me and a friend may go out on Sunday to this cool looking bar. I told him I could help him take pictures for his Tinder profile. I’m hoping I can get a good picture there.

I also may have a date with this girl from Hinge on Sunday late morning. I’ll reread pancakes date framework before I go for it, assuming she doesn’t flake. I tried to schedule for Friday but she got sick and Saturday she said she may not feel too great either.
 
1/20

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1616cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 33g
->Today's Protein Intake: 129g

Notes:

Went to my city’s anime con with a friend and a mutual. It was a lot of fun. We were there from like 2-12. Got to meet some voice actors and stuff. I participated in this one panel where you could learn about Japanese sword techniques. My friends took videos of me and I actually looked pretty good in them. I mainly used this as a way of being less camera shy.

Have a date at 11 on Sunday. I got the girls insta and ngl she looks way worse than her hinge pics. I’ll still go on the date for practice but this shit is plain annoying.

I matched with this one chick yesterday on Hinge and she literally gave me her number without me asking saying she wasn’t on hinge much. That threw me for a loop. This was right as I was about to go for the insta but she said she didn’t have much social media. Said whatever, sent her a text and she followed it up with “hey cutie”. This is the second loop I got thrown for. Moved it along to planning the date. Scheduled it for Tuesday at 6.

Ok now this is the 3rd loop I got thrown for. She asked me to send her a selfie so she can put it as a picture on her contact thing. I said something like “you can get a picture on our date”. I attached the exchange below.

I have been wondering if it’s a catfish. It said she’s a new profile on Hinge but her profile looked pretty normal. And I’ve actually matched with her on Bumble before but she never messaged me.

I’m just hoping it ain’t. She seems decently cute.

Im also meeting a potential new tutoring client soon. Hopefully I can keep him around longterm
 
1/21

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1897cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 50g
->Today's Protein Intake: 143g

Notes:

So the girl I was supposed to meet ended up flaking. She hit me with a “something came up”. We rescheduled to Friday since I honestly don’t give a shit about this girl. First she catfishes me then second flakes last minute. This is stupid, like girl you are not that attractive to be doing this shit.

Really though I didn’t care. The flake freed up a few hours to get some work done for school because I didn’t get shit done on Saturday due to anime con.

Met a new tutoring client at 1:30 PM. We spent the hour going over general Organic Chemistry terms and just stuff that’s like super basic about ochem. He said some stuff was starting to come back to him and the session was helpful. He said he wanted to do 2 sessions per week so that he can understand all of ochem 1 again. Hoping I can keep him around long term.

The tutoring list should get updated today so hoping in the next coming weeks I can get a few students to contact me.

My next move will be to put up one or two fliers in front of the main lecture hall where ochem lectures take place so that it’s one of the first things students see when they enter and exit the lecture hall. I’ll start designing them soon, most likely Monday if I have time. I looked online to see what the situation is for distribution to residence halls and I think it said if you are selling a service it’s not allowed. I’ll contact the department to see if that is still true.

I ended up skipping the gym today to clean my apartment. This bitch is FILTHY. I didn’t clean it much during last semester because I was studying constantly in the final 2 weeks outside my apartment. Today I finally got around to cleaning the kitchen and most of my room. Still have parts of my room to clean and I need to clean my bathroom cuz I think that is the filthiest right now.
 
1/22

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1862cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 40g
->Today's Protein Intake: 134g

Notes:
I forgot to mention yesterday’s entry that I spent an hour or so just taking headshots to see if I can get a good one for my profile. I managed after like 60 or so pictures to get like one good one. ProgressEvolution faceapped it a bit and we got something really good. It’s my PFP now.

I tested it on Photofeeler and got a 7.6. It was at like an 8.1-8.3 for a while but some bitches came and tanked it because I’m not smiling. Whatever, this is a good start.

Today was a Pretty standard day. Don’t understand jack shit in PBiochem 2. I need to actually start properly studying for my classes cuz midterms will sneak me before I know it.

I spent a lot of time in the research lab to prep for my work tommorow which is gonna take the full day. I also have a date tommorow at 6 so I have to get to the lab much earlier than usual if I want to make the date.

Gonna clean some more before I go to bed to prepare my place. I’ve cleaned some now just need to throw out some extra shit and polish the bathroom.

I made a flier today for Ochem tutoring. Got it peer reviewed by my research colleagues and they said it was good. I’ll print some out and post it in front of some chemistry lecture halls on Wednesday.

Ok so this is the weird part. So around late morning I sent the girl I’m meeting tomorrow “looking forward to tommorow”. She responds with a selfie and says she’s looking forward to it too. She also asks “wyd”. I sent a selfie back plus some rando response and she calls me cute.

A little later she again ask me “wyd”. I’m confused as shit rn and then she mentions she is drunk. I just say I’m getting food and she asks what it is. I just say it’s chicken quesadillas.

Then right after she sends “I got drunk lol” and then sends me a picture of her tits. I was flabbergasted. This has not happened to me before ever. I ended up just liking the picture and saying “nice”.

I’m kind of scared now though if the date is gonna even happen. Like what if she sobers up and feels shame for sending that. Then she will fosho flake. But at the same time some drunk ppl just say what’s really on their mind so maybe on a positive note she is dtf?

Nothing makin sense no more tbh.
 
1/23

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1736cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 60
->Today's Protein Intake: 137g

Notes:

Today just really fucking sucked honestly.

I woke up at like 6AM instead of 7:30 because I wanted to finish my lab work early so I can easily make my date at 6PM. I do all that shit then head to the lab.

I do the first parts of my experiment, things are going normal. Then I had to start measuring the absorbance values of the culture cells. I’m supposed to get them to 0.4 value starting from 0.05. The doubling time is about an hour so after an hour from 0.05 it should be 0.1.

What happened was on my first measurement I got a 0.02. This had me like “wtf”. But I figured it’s just a singular setback and I’ll bounce back. I waited an hour, measured again. Still got 0.02. Figured I mixed it incorrectly and still 0.02. Shook it for another hour and still 0.02. Apparently my cells died. I don’t know how because I followed all the instructions. I was getting really frustrated and I basically had to cut my experiment short due to the weird timing nature of the work.

I was pretty bent at first but I talked with a few of my colleagues and they said this happens and it doesn’t mean bad of me. Sometimes things don’t go well and that is okay.

It cut short before 2PM. Which is when I set an appointment to meet with my new client. However, this dude decided to reschedule last minute. And said he wanted to do next week. I said fine but holy fuck I hate this kind of behavior. Makes me a bit scared if I’m gonna even retain him.

At around 5 I sent a message to the girl that I will see her soon. She then says something like “hope you had a great day”. I just say “yeah it was kinda long tho, but looking forward to coffee w/ you”. Then she says she is too. So I think she won’t flake right?

I went back to my room at like 5:30 and headed to my date at 5:45. I got there at like 5:55. I message her that I’m here. I get nothing. I wait until like 6:30. I decide to call her. I got a auto voice message saying “call rejected”

I got played. This girl fr sent me a whole titty pic and flaked.

Now this is a horrible thing to say but deadass this is the perfect revenge porn set up.

HOWEVER, IT IS NOT IN MY NATURE TO DO THAT AND I NEVER WILL.

But seriously. You flake after all that a lot of guys get really pissed with flakes. You fuck with the wrong guy and shit hits the fan fast.

I was just very upset in the moment. I just went back to my apartment to put on gym pants, took 6g L-Citrulline, and hit the gym. Had a pretty solid workout. It was a very healthy way to deal with today's pent up rage i had.

I told myself to not worry. I just need to keep taking action. I’ll get to where I want to be as long as I don’t stop working towards my goals. I have been taking action but I need to do more.
 
GN44 said:
I was just very upset in the moment. I just went back to my apartment to put on gym pants, took 6g L-Citrulline, and hit the gym. Had a pretty solid workout. It was a very healthy way to deal with today's pent up rage i had.
Click to expand...
Big props for dealing with set back this way.
 
1/24

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1736cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 85g
->Today's Protein Intake: 132g

Notes:

Had better sleep today. Woke up feeling decently refreshed. I had another relapse dream but it didn’t feel like a big deal to me.

I matched with this cute black girl on Bumble yesterday. At night I tried to plan the date but she said we could talk about it in the morning. I waited till morning, sent a text and started convo once she responded. She wasn’t being straight up with me at all when I was tryna plan. The strange thing was she told me she was free all Friday but when I threw out a time she was like “I will let you know”. Course I don’t accept this shit so I talked with PE and he advised me to send her a voice note saying if she’s not free then it’s fine but I’ll say I have stuff planned so I want to have it planned in advance.

This was a really good move. I managed to get her to confirm the date. It should be Friday at 6.

I went back to the research lab to see if I can restart my experiment but my mentor asked what I was doing and I said “restarting my culture tubes”. And she’s like “no, we have to do it together”. She also mentioned talking with me. So I said fine and put it away. Honestly it’s probably a bad thing to say this but I seriously want her to shut the fuck up every time she opens her mouth. Like stop fucking yapping.

But realistically though. Being angry won’t do me any good. Not once in my life has being rude ever brought me anything good. She throws some snarky remarks at me because I am kind of slow. However I won’t be snarky back because it means I could lose my position.

Is it unfair? Yes. Do I hate being talked to like this?. Yes. Will I act on it? Fuck no. Ngl I feel much better when I overcome hard situations without getting emotional. I feel tough like how I should be. Im gonna keep trudging through this for the letter of rec.

I ended up not doing anything in lab, but I used our office printer to print out a few fliers. Gonna stick them in the chemistry building hall either tommorow or Thursday. I tried to work on my PBiochem HW but I literally cannot figure it out and it’s due tommorow night. I hate this class. Nothing makes sense. I wish I could drop it.

I went to the gym right after taking some L-citrulline. Had a really fucking good workout until the lateral raises where I started falling apart in the 3rd set of them. Luckily it was my last exercise but Lateral raises are just not fun.

Post gym I went back to my apartment and took my tripod up to their “gym” and tried to get a pic for the apps of me doing bicep curls. Took quite a few attempts but I managed to get a good one. It’s not perfect but it’s an improvement over my old gym pic. Working with just my tripod and a timer makes certain angles hard.

I scheduled another date with this chubby but cute East Asian girl from Bumble for Sunday at 7. I also matched with this short Indian girl I matched with before back in 2022 with my old Hinge profile but she ghosted me back then. I *think* I managed to confirm the plan for Sunday at 2 but I sent her a confirmation message through insta but she hasn’t responded most likely cuz she said she was about to fall asleep.

Hopefully these next two or three dates don’t flake but we will see.

One thing I’ve been realizing lately is I straight up have no motivation for school stuff. All I’ve been caring about is self improvement and dating. This is scary as shit ngl because I don’t want to fuck up my future. Getting a really good job is paramount to me. I need to get my shit together and actually put effort into studying for my classes otherwise the first midterms will sneak me and fuck me over.
 
1/25

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1878g
->Today's Sugar intake: 50g
->Today's Protein Intake: 142g

Notes:
Met my therapist again. She has another student shadowing her this semester. Luckily she briefs them on what’s up with me beforehand so they don’t encounter anything too left field. Basically I just gave her an update on how things are going.

I went back to my research lab and I basically got scolded by my professor. She made some claim that I thought I knew what I was doing when I never claimed that. But basically she said to me that me asking questions a lot is akin to being babysat. Fuck that was tough to hear, but she’s right. I just sat there, didn’t talk back because I would not win. I just accepted it, said I was sorry and that I’ll do better.

I posted that gym pic on Photofeeler and initially it was at like an 8 for 10 or so votes but then tanked down to a 6.4. It was bit annoying but we move, I can always reshoot. It’s still better than my old gym pic.

I’ve updated about three pics on hinge and I’m already seeing a slight bump in my match quality. I’m also matching with more light skin black girls which are like a top 3 type for me, so this is a big win.
 
Not to sound too much like a dad, but if you're in your last year... your time is better spent applying to new grad jobs versus making $100/hr tutoring OChem.

Besides, it's pretty easy to get a job tutoring once you graduate with a degree from a competitive college
 
Im gonna start applying for jobs soon since I have a gap between when I start my Masters versus when I graduate.

The side income from tutoring helps me a lot in getting me good clothes. Right now its difficult since most students don't think they need tutoring until the harder material comes in and then they get all freaked out. First midterm fucks them up and then they come crying.
 
1/27

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1490 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 68g
->Today's Protein Intake: 133g

Notes:
Today kinda blew. I wanted to study a bunch so I could just have my 2 dates tomorrow peacefully but I couldn't get myself to be as productive as I wanted. I didn't leave my room at all today and masturbated a lot because I felt horny.

I blame my unproductivity the fact I have just been looking all over the internet for clothes that would look good on me but I genuinely cannot find anything that interests me at the moment. I fell down a rabbit hole that led to nowhere. I always just happen across cool clothes without putting in a ton of effort. My brother who is a huge fashion head is the same way. I think Ill just give it a rest and maybe Ill come across something cool. Or go hit up the mall with a friend.

There are some more accessories I want and I think I will go buy them soon. I am gonna get a gold ring, second silver pendant, and a silver cuban bracelet.

Also, I put up my fliers in the main lecture building for Chemistry.
 
GN44 said:
I blame my unproductivity the fact I have just been looking all over the internet for clothes that would look good on me but I genuinely cannot find anything that interests me at the moment. I fell down a rabbit hole that led to nowhere
Click to expand...

Start following a bunch of fashion brands and fashion influencers who you like.

The algorithm will catch up and start showing you a bunch of clothes close to your interest. No more need to spent hours googling since the internet will do it for you now
 
kratjeuh said:
GN44 said:
I blame my unproductivity the fact I have just been looking all over the internet for clothes that would look good on me but I genuinely cannot find anything that interests me at the moment. I fell down a rabbit hole that led to nowhere
Click to expand...

Start following a bunch of fashion brands and fashion influencers who you like.

The algorithm will catch up and start showing you a bunch of clothes close to your interest. No more need to spent hours googling since the internet will do it for you now
Click to expand...

Yeah I follow a couple from that list you gave me and I followed a couple I found on youtube yesterday. Ill keep doing it till my FYP fixes itself cuz right now its just a load of bullshit I don't need.
 
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