GN's Progress Log - Self-Love Arc: A bit better this week + Physique Update

[G.N]

1/28

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1574 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 63g
->Today's Protein Intake: 132g

Notes:

Two dates today. Both luckily did not flake. I am going to make separate entries for both dates. Sadly skipped gym again for the dates but at least its just leg day haha.

 

[G.N]

Date Log - Short Indian Girl from Hinge:


Date was at 2PM. I got to the coffee shop at 1:55 PM. It’s crowded as fuck in there and it looks like no open seats. Crap, not good.I texted her “Im here”, and then turn my head and see her walking towards me. We say hi to each other and I lean in for a hug. She is receptive to this. I mention that the place is too crowded so we should go to the boba shop two minutes down the road. She agrees, we head there. I ask her about how her day is going so far and she says good and that she was studying. I say the same thing. She also asks me my major.

We get to the boba shop. She asks if I have a usual order, I say no and that I will just try something new. We both order and I pay for us both. We get our drinks quite fast and we then sit down at a three seat table right next to each other but also still facing each other.

So I start asking about what she likes to do for fun. She says cooking, traveling, and dance.

She seems the most passionate about traveling so I ask her if she went anywhere recently and she said she went to California and that it was really nice. She also told me about places she wanted to visit like Australia. I mention in 2023 I went to Mexico and Japan. I talked about how in Japan there were a lot of culture shocks like no trashcans. We kind of bonded over that topic. She also asks me about my hobbies. I mention dance, cooking, and photography. She said she was also getting into photography and brought up traveling again. She showed me some pictures she took on her trip and I showed her some of my pictures too. I didn’t do my usual arm around her shoulder thing because it was still like 20 minutes into the date.

Bit of a silence here but I just bring up cooking. I let her talk a good bit about how she started helping her mom with cooking at like 6. I mention how I first started around a year post quarantine. We just talked about favorite foods and stuff like that. One mistake I think I made was being a slight bit too descriptive and saying that I have a hard time finding recipes cuz I am concerned about macros and Im big in the gym which led me to say some shit I probably shouldn’t. She ask me when I got into the gym and I say Fall 2022 because I made a lot of unhealthy choices over the summer so I wanted to fix it. I put a positive spin on it to recover. She doesn’t think much of it (or at least that is what I think). She talks about the stuff she likes to cook, then asks me and I just answer with stir fry.

Ok so this is the first part where I break the touch barrier. So I mention what I like to cook and then I say “oh I have some pictures” and she says she would like to see them. So she leans in and I show her and I get my arm around hers. I move it slightly around her shoulder/back area while I am scrolling my food folder to show her. Overall no resistance here, good stuff. She also sees that I bake and she was especially wowed by the fact I made cheesecake from scratch. She said she wants to learn how to make it sometime so I say we can do that together some time.

Move on from this part. We start talking a bit more about upbringing and just how we got to where we are in school. She mainly brought this up because during the travel convo I mentioned I am from California I think I got a bit too vulnerable and just talked about how toxic I thought my school was but she seemed to have had similar experiences. A lot of stuff I said she seemed to agree with too and not just a “yeah” and nod but she also talks about general toxicity she has dealt with especially among other indian students, esp in the more cultural dance focused clubs. My initial way of dealing with this situation was just making jokes about how my family can be toxic and we just laughed over stereotypes in the fam like that one person who beefing with everyone and the one person always asking for money. I almost got way too personal here about my family experiences so in a panic I steer the conversation towards more positive topics like clubs that we like to divert away from the dance clubs she said she left. I bring up the baking and dance clubs I am in. We both yap a bit about clubs. I bring up how I entered a competition to design merch for the club and that my design lost by like a few votes. She asks me if she can see the design so I pull out my phone again. I use this as another opportunity to break the touch barrier. This time I touch her shoulder first but quickly streamline down to her thigh and she is still showing no resistance. She leans in a little bit while I show her the design. I use the scrolling time to get closer. I show it to her and then pull away.

At this point we both finish our tea and I suggest we head out. We do just that. We get to the street crossing that can lead to my place. I pitch the pull but I kind of get nervous due to other people being around. So I didn’t push the agenda as hard as I should have. She didn’t have many logistical blockers either because she just said she was thinking about seeing a friend and that friend she was not sure was going to even show up. I just say screw it and hold her hand and walk her to where she wants to go. I thought it would be convenient that if I am not getting sex I could just get to the other side of campus so I can head over to the closely grocery store to get stuff for week’s meal prep. We just talk about whatever tbh mainly stuff about campus as we pass by certain locations. I get her to where she needs to go. I say I had a great time. She says she feels the same way. So I lean in and kiss her on the lips. End of Date

Reflections:

I haven’t been on a date in so fucking long I definitely got super rusty on my game plan. I tripped on my words a lot I still have no idea why I do that. Could just be cuz I have the horrible habit of talking too fast. I need to practice speaking a lot slower.

I was actually a lot more attracted to her than any of my past dates in October and November so I definitely was feeling some degree of pressure on myself to close her. There’s also the “holy shit I am on an actual date”, cuz literally 3 girls flaked on me before this (forgot to update the black chick, she flaked and I gave up on her for being way too difficult).

I also matched with her on Hinge back in Fall 2022 on my shit profile so I couldn’t get nearly as much compliance out of her as I could do now with some pictures switched out for better ones.

Mentioned this in the actual event log but being too vulnerable probably isn’t too good. Like mentioning I made poor diet choices at one point so I got into the gym because of that. Idk if that’s DLV, because after all I am 10x better looking now.

The family thing idk about, could be a good bonding topic with other brown girls and get them to be more vulnerable but I probably won’t do this with other girls since some girls refuse to date brown guys just cuz their families are toxic. I know women who are just totally single because of this.

I do feel like I did a good job making it feel truly like a date but I definitely didn’t push hard enough to come back to my place which was a mess up on my part. That’s definitely the worst thing I did.

Overall vibes of the date were good. She was a sweet girl. Didn’t seem too heavily comfort cuck. She was receptive to my touch. IDK If comfort cuck girls are like that where any sort of touch they are like “oh naw”.

foducossy42 tagged you here so you can analyze.

 

[Foducossy]

I think the date went decently and IMO a second date is possible.

You broke the touch barrier too late, the hug doesn’t really count as breaking the touch barrier IMO if you’re gonna sit there not kinoing her for 20 min. You can work in some incidental touches before going for arm around shoulder which you are right, requires more compliance.

Another thing is the critical moment where you went for the pull, or rather didn’t. Her logistical blocker was bullshit, tell her to come check out some cool thing in your place and if her friend does message she can leave to go meet them (this lowers the compliance threshold).

Ordinarily I’d talk about how you shouldn’t validate/reward her (with hand holding) after she declines the pull. But you barely persisted. There’s a chance she’d have been down if you were more pushy about it.

As for the conversation I feel most of it is fine. My opinion on getting healthy is that it’s a DHV, not a DLV. In fact you want to emphasise the difference between past and present you to show the growth.

Decent log, well-detailed but focus is slightly off. Ideally abstract away the conversation into the 4 categories of conversation and whether it was deep or not, engaged/engaging etc and focus on writing up areas where you made an effort to build sexual tension. For example here you actually didn’t discuss past relationships etc (we discussed on telegram).

Also, not needed for this one but in future have a think about body language — both yours and hers. And write about them. Eye contact, leaning in/back, how much space did you take up etc.

And write up critical frame control moments in greater detail in future, for example the pull here was poorly described so it’s hard to visualise how well you persisted. Pancake has good examples too, where he details the drama game that unfolds when a girl is back in his place.

Moving forward: Send her a feeler text (sth referencing a date topic but NOT asking her out for another date). If she replies, ask her out for a second date ideally within the next couple days. Here’s an example.

 

[G.N]

I think the date went decently and IMO a second date is possible.

You broke the touch barrier too late, the hug doesn’t really count as breaking the touch barrier IMO if you’re gonna sit there not kinoing her for 20 min. You can work in some incidental touches before going for arm around shoulder which you are right, requires more compliance.

Another thing is the critical moment where you went for the pull, or rather didn’t. Her logistical blocker was bullshit, tell her to come check out some cool thing in your place and if her friend does message she can leave to go meet them (this lowers the compliance threshold).

Ordinarily I’d talk about how you shouldn’t validate/reward her (with hand holding) after she declines the pull. But you barely persisted. There’s a chance she’d have been down if you were more pushy about it.

As for the conversation I feel most of it is fine. My opinion on getting healthy is that it’s a DHV, not a DLV. In fact you want to emphasise the difference between past and present you to show the growth.

Decent log, well-detailed but focus is slightly off. Ideally abstract away the conversation into the 4 categories of conversation and whether it was deep or not, engaged/engaging etc and focus on writing up areas where you made an effort to build sexual tension. For example here you actually didn’t discuss past relationships etc (we discussed on telegram).

Also, not needed for this one but in future have a think about body language — both yours and hers. And write about them. Eye contact, leaning in/back, how much space did you take up etc.

And write up critical frame control moments in greater detail in future, for example the pull here was poorly described so it’s hard to visualise how well you persisted. Pancake has good examples too, where he details the drama game that unfolds when a girl is back in his place.

Moving forward: Send her a feeler text (sth referencing a date topic but NOT asking her out for another date). If she replies, ask her out for a second date ideally within the next couple days. Here’s an example.

I agree. I definitely have this “timeline” in my head to where I usually start touching halfway into the date, or 3/4. I’ll work in the incidental touches to break my rigid structure.

Shit that was a good idea. I could’ve gone for it, I fucked myself over here as I said. I can persist a little more from here on out and stay chill about it so she doesn’t seem pressured.

Gotcha, I’ll focus less on what we talked about in the log if it’s not related to building tension.
I’ll be more detailed on body language as well.

The way you see the pull is pretty accurate as to how it went down. I didn’t persist as hard as I should.

I’ll try something like ur feeler text.

 

[G.N]

Date Log - Chubby East Asian from Bumble:

Date was at 7PM. I get to the place around 5 minutes early as I always do. She shows up basically on the dot and I greet her with a hug. I wasn’t really sure what to expect as I honestly thought she looked decent from her photos but there were inconsistencies. Her hair had purple highlights instead of pink. I usually don’t fw chubby girls but she had a cute face, nice voice, and some nice tits.

She receives my hug well. The weather was kind of trash so I said something about how I hope she got there safely. She orders what she wants to get on the kiosk and I pay for it. I just ask the lady at the counter for a cup of water as I don’t want to have another sugary drink today.

Drinks come very fast so we go get them and then go sit down at the 3 seat table. She basically asks me what my story is and my autistic ass goes “what exactly do you want to know first”. I am a hypocrite for the fact I ask low-key vague questions sometimes but don’t enjoy being asked them myself. But I think she may have just back-led me here cuz first she asked me my major then she started talking about herself I guess to sort of give me a picture as to what she wanted to know about me. Possible frame mistake here where I basically gave her frame control instead of just saying whatever coz I really could have just said anything and she would have been okay with it.

Backtracking a little to after she asks my major and I say “wby”,she told me she is from a small town a few hours away. Bunch of yada about how she switched majors. Big detail I get about her is that she is a massive workaholic. She said she has two jobs and works in the food industry. She’s kind of into fashion as well, brought up how she developed her sense of style. She wore a leather jacket to our date so I like halfway broke the touch barrier by touching the jacket and her a little bit and asked where it was from. She said she got it a long time ago so she does not remember much.

She finishes talking and then I start talking and I basically just said I came to this uni from Cali. I hated how last date I said I wanted to get away cuz of the toxic culture of the people around me so this time I just said I wanted to gain more unique life experience because I didn’t think I’d gain as much if I stayed in the same place all the time. Knowing I didn’t say anything that could be a DLV had me much more confident in myself. I also talked about how I started getting into style. Good back and forth there.

Overall body language she was facing me and we were generally pretty close to one another.

I tried to gauge now what she would be down for in terms of a relationship since I was told to gauge this. Idk if this was a good way to do it but I asked her “so how long have you been on Bumble for”. So what she told me was that she made one as a truth or dare thing with her friends a few years ago. After that she deleted it but didn’t get back on it until later. I probed deeper and turns out I’m only the second guy she’s been on a date with from Bumble. Idk if she uses other apps. She says that with her workaholic tendencies she doesn’t date much because she’d rather just go to work and then come back and go to sleep. She then asks me and I just say that I got on recently cuz I want to get back on the dating market. Really not much to it. I said some shit about self discovery which she thought was cool I guess.

I ask her more about her work and she says she works at Panera bread and has another job at a campus dining hall. Apparently she’s been there a few years so she knows a good amount about working in kitchen. I bring up how I got into cooking and that I also did some kitchen volunteering at one point in high school. She says that she didn’t really get as much into cooking but from her jobs she just took food that could have been thrown away but instead used it to make meals for the week. Pretty neat if you ask me. I take this in my direction and talk about food I like to make, I do a similar thing I did last date where I offer to show her some stuff I made. She leans in close so I put my arm around her again. She is receptive to it.

We do talk a bit more. And I have my hand on her thigh for a bit. Still no resistance, so I’m all good. It’s getting kind of late so I say “you wanna head out”. And she says yeah. And I said ok let’s go chill back at my place.

She says she has to get up for work. I wanted to push a bit harder this time so I basically I said we will just chill for a little bit and she will be able to make it in time. She then throws up another blocker saying she may meet up with a friend. I say something along the lines of we won’t be there for too long. She luckily this time obliges and we walk back to mines. I hold her hand.

Body language wise though she seems colder now. Our conversations and vibes definitely felt warm in the tea place but now she seems a lot less talkative. I just say fuck it and we get back to mines. She comes into my room and I tell her to sit next to me. I get both my arms around her and try to get in close. She’s texting someone on her phone but I try to get her to come closer to me but she pulls a little away. She doesn’t force my arms off her but she doesn’t seem to be having it at all. I try to lean in for the kiss but again doesn’t really work, she doesn’t face me at all. She says she’s not really someone who’s looking for sex on a first date or that being what she’s mainly looking for. I tell her I didn’t imply that.

She says she’s gonna head out. I tell her not to feel too shy and we won’t go too fast. This does nothing, she says yeah I’m alright I have to go. So she puts on her boots. I say I had a good time, she says the same thing. I give her a kiss on the lips and she leaves.

Reflections:

Improved on some mistakes from previous date which I’m happy about. I talked a lot slower so I didn’t trip on my words as much.

Did semi-break the touch barrier earlier but could work on doing more incidental touches.

Talked a bit about past relationships but I think I should have dug a little further. This date was at least good practice for starting the topic. Idk if my starter was that good but it didn’t feel uncomfortable for me to ask.

Put a lot more effort into persistence as well, which I’m happy I gave it my best shot but since she went somewhat colder I think the odds of a second date are almost 0.

I can escalate in terms of touching a girl but generally building sexual tension is still a struggle for me.

 

[pancakemouse]

Body language wise though she seems colder now. Our conversations and vibes definitely felt warm in the tea place but now she seems a lot less talkative. I just say fuck it and we get back to mines. She comes into my room and I tell her to sit next to me. I get both my arms around her and try to get in close. She’s texting someone on her phone but I try to get her to come closer to me but she pulls a little away. She doesn’t force my arms off her but she doesn’t seem to be having it at all. I try to lean in for the kiss but again doesn’t really work, she doesn’t face me at all. She says she’s not really someone who’s looking for sex on a first date or that being what she’s mainly looking for. I tell her I didn’t imply that.

All push zero pull. She was uncomfortable (hence the texting), you made no effort to make her comfortable or surface any objections and you kept pushing the escalation.

Make her comfortable first, then call out anything she's doing that's getting in between escalation, then vibe and have fun, then and ONLY then, you escalate.

 

[G.N]

Body language wise though she seems colder now. Our conversations and vibes definitely felt warm in the tea place but now she seems a lot less talkative. I just say fuck it and we get back to mines. She comes into my room and I tell her to sit next to me. I get both my arms around her and try to get in close. She’s texting someone on her phone but I try to get her to come closer to me but she pulls a little away. She doesn’t force my arms off her but she doesn’t seem to be having it at all. I try to lean in for the kiss but again doesn’t really work, she doesn’t face me at all. She says she’s not really someone who’s looking for sex on a first date or that being what she’s mainly looking for. I tell her I didn’t imply that.

All push zero pull. She was uncomfortable (hence the texting), you made no effort to make her comfortable or surface any objections and you kept pushing the escalation.

Make her comfortable first, then call out anything she's doing that's getting in between escalation, then vibe and have fun, then and ONLY then, you escalate.

Yeah that was a definite fuck up on my part. I only thought about myself. Should have maybe just talked a little before actually tryna do stuff. Makes me feel like a bad person, but at least i am aware of it now so I shouldn't make that mistake on my next two dates.

 

[G.N]

1/29

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1869 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 39g
->Today's Protein Intake: 118g

Notes:
I realized I ran out of protein powder right when I was making my protein shake so I couldn't get in that last bit of protein I needed for the day. I ordered a new box so it should come tommorow.

I completely forgot I have a Molecular Genetics exam next week and now am scrambling to study for it. I still have a good amount of material to catch up on too.

I have another date for Tuesday, we confirmed for 7:30, hopefully this goes well. The good thing about being descriptive about dates in my log and having more scheduled is I can implement feedback immediately.

 

[Foducossy]

Your conversations should be more playful rather than just an exchange of info

And what pancake said

Good job on persisting through her blockers though

Review pancakes date framework — when pulling you should bee making ridiculous banter to keep her forebrain off the fact that y’all may have sex

You need to also examine your and her eye contact, next date log I want to see commentary on this

 

[G.N]

1/30

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 2112 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 61g
->Today's Protein Intake: 135g

Notes:
Had first day of volunteering for the semester. For like the first 20 minutes I was just by myself but eventually some guy and this girl came along. The guy came up to me and told me he was training the girl about her volunteer job. Its early, my sleep was eh so I am not like a great conversationalist at this point in time. I just ask some basic questions to him since the girl just seems to be standing off to the side. Guy called out how the silence was a bit awkward which felt right out of a sitcom and did tick me slightly but he was about to leave anyways so it would just be me and this girl. The girl was just kind of plain, not a great conversationalist. I just talked about school stuff w/ her and basically she just watched me the entire shift.

Finish that, go to research lab. I just go study and prepare for mol gen exam next week. These lectures for some reason take so long to rewatch. Probably because I have to constantly pause due to my professors fast pacing. My professor shows back up to the lab at like 2:30 and we basically talk about what went wrong last week and she basically gives me more detail on the point of my experiment. Shit makes more sense now. I have to actually lay out a plan on what I am gonna do to hopefully not fuck this experiment up again.

I left the lab at like 5:30. Texted this girl I scheduled a date with that ill see her soon but she pushes our initial 7:30 plans to 7:45. It is whatever. I was hoping to hit the gym+shower before my date but when I got back to my apartment my hair was fucked. I have a cap I wear which helps sort of "shape" my hair so I kept that on my head for 2 hours and cooked dinner for myself as I already prepped a lot of the ingredients in advance.

Headed to the date at 7:30. She shows up kinda late, like close to 8. Ill detail the date more in my next entry but overall I just feel I got bait and switched. Plus she just generally seems like a shitty person. Got shit tested some too but mainly over stupid shit like the fact I misheard a couple of things she said.

I got her back to my place but no lay. We did kiss but no makeout. This is where the rest of the bait and switch came into play.

Was kind of pissed off when she left ngl. But I try to deal with my negative emotions in a more healthy way now, so I did my usual. I took 6g L-Citrulline and worked out my chest. Had a great workout

Calories I seemed to have stayed fine but I went over once i punched in the bubble tea I had smh.

 

[G.N]

Date Log - B&S Brown girl from Hinge

The date was originally planned for 7:30 but she had to push it to 7:45. I get to the place 5 minutes early. At 7:45 I text her that I’m here and then she tells me she is on her way and that she is sorry she is running late. I left her on read. She arrives like a few minutes before 8.

I greeted her with a hug and she said nice to meet you. The girl is pretty short, not that chubby but she has an okay face but a nice ass. She told me her name again and told me she’s never been here before. She’s making decent eye contact here but it’s not like laser sharp as she has kinda iffy body language. Kinda just moving around a lot like a ditz idk how to explain it. The funny thing is on the app she had a western name but on her Instagram she had her real name which was some kind of typical brown sounding name. I called her out on that nicely and asked why she used that name and she told me it was because she was looking for sugar daddies.

I was surprised by the answer and honestly I didn’t know how to respond so I just said “Oh haha that’s funny”. My solution to basically any situation I don’t understand in the moment is to laugh. She and I just talk about what we are planning to order. I just say I don’t come often so I try something new. She says she really likes chai so she orders some chai drink.
While we are waiting for our drinks I ask her “so what do you like to do for fun”. And she tells me she likes to cook and play guitar. I ask her a bit more about cooking and she says she loves to make pasta. Then she asks me if I like red or white sauce and I say red, she looks at me a little weird so I kinda tease (or not) like “guess you’ve never had good red before”.

We get our drinks and then go sit down. Some silence right here as we get in our seats. The way she sits seems kind of odd like she’s sitting and standing at the same time. Kind of leaning against the chair. I just sit normally and lean in a bit but not too much.

First thing she asks me is what my major is. I just say Biochemistry and then she makes some comment about how she thought I was a CS major. I kind of assumed it was a shit test because CS majors are usually associated with being social losers and stinky. Decided to throw out another tease attempt where I said “I could never be a CS major because I smell good haha” (I literally wore cologne before this). I must’ve done it wrong or she can dish it but can’t take it cuz she said she thought I smelled good. I asked her major, told me she’s a premed and this section is just a bunch of college yap. She’s 18 and this is her first semester at uni. Her eye contact is wavering a little like she’s looking at me and sometimes just looking away. There were some parts I misheard certain things and she calls me out saying “I’m deaf”. So I say something like “ok miss observant why don’t you get me some hearing aids then”. I don’t actually remember what I said but this came off as a shit test or her just being annoying.

Fodu told me I have to be direct about asking a girl about her past relationships. I promised myself I would be more direct but what I did before where I’d ask “so how long have you been on Hinge for”. But that exact question slipped out. I realized that I asked the wrong question but figured once she talked about it I’ll just follow it up with a more direct conversation cuz at least I got her talking about dating related topics. I’ll be more direct next time and drop the “so how long have you been on *app* for”.

Anyways she tells me she’s only been on the app for like 4 months. Mentions the sugar daddy thing again. Says something about how a lot of guys are broke there. The craziest thing she says is that some guy literally paid her a whole band just for speaking to him. Bro WHAT. She’s like an average to barely above average at best girl. The only kind of guy I can see doing that is some below average brown guy who’s never had a lick of positive female attention in his life.

This shit honeslty pissed me off. I didn’t want to come off hostile so I bit my tongue and made some joke about “doing what a girl gotta do”. It’s fucking insane how this mid girl can get a band just for interacting with a pathetic man. It takes me 25 hours of tutoring to make that same amount.

Ok anyways once she finishes yapping about that she asks me how long I’ve been on. I say like 2 months. I’m brief with this. I immediately follow-up with “What were your past relationships like?”. So she tells me she’s been in several situationships and 2 relationships. She also told me this story about some guy in 8th grade who asked her out in some super grandiose and cringey way. He got rejected and apparently he was so pressed that he tried to get the school involved. I wanted to laugh at how pathetic it was because I was a pretty weird kid back then but I didn’t want to get dragged into annoyingly long talks that won’t lead to anything. I just said something about how weird this guy is. She asked me about my past and I said I was in 2 LTRs, one long distance. Kept it brief. I think I’m getting better at not getting super dragged into the woman’s frame of the conversation.

She finishes her boba quite quickly compared to my previous dates ngl. I didn’t really get an opportunity to break the touch barrier since I was so focused on passing her shit tests and dodging uncomfortable conversational bits.

I ask if she wants to head out and we do. I give her my hand and we hold hands. I tell her that I live close by so we should chill and relax a bit at my place. She agreed and says she lives closeby so it’s cool. Conversation during the walk is quite drab but it’s mainly just commentary about our surroundings lol. She ask if I have roommates and if they may be home but I said yes but they’re likely not there. I get her back to my place and my roommate is cooking in the kitchen smh. Whatever I just get her to my room and let her sit down on my bed. She says my place is nice.

This time I try to prioritize making her comfortable first. I offer her some water if she wants but she say she doesn’t want any. But she says she can only stay for like 10 minutes. I put my arm around her and just slowly inch up toward her hair. I complement her hair saying it’s nice and she says thanks. Spend a little bit of time just touching her but I eventually just get up because she feels like a brick wall.

I think at this point she gets what I want and she says how she’s not someone who kisses/fucks on the first date because of how guys in the past were like that. I tell her “so you think I’m like that” she’s like “no I don’t think so but it’s just that I’m trying to find the one”. I say some stuff about how I value physical intimacy. She asks me my body count and I basically say that I won’t disclose much to her if she isn’t disclosing that much about herself sexually to me. Not in those exact words of course. Couple minutes pass and she says she’s gonna head out. She says “let’s hang out again sometime” and I’m like “sure, but at least give me a kiss”. So we do kiss once and she leaves.

Reflections:

This date just kind of annoyed the shit out of me. Wasn’t a fan of this girls vibe at all and I just didn’t find it fun because I felt like I was just a form of entertainment to this chick.

I made an effort to work in more teases into the conversation. I wanted to have a more playful vibe this time around. I definitely tried to implement more comfort when I got back to my place instead of almost forcing myself on her.

Definitely was lacking in terms of escalation tactics.

 

[G.N]

1/31

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1919 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 79g
->Today's Protein Intake: 132g

Notes:

Working to catch up with Mol Gen still. Really difficult but day by day I am understanding the material. I just need to start doing prep-quizzes soon because those questions are closest to whats on the exam.

Had a tutoring session with the new client. Had to reschedule again due to my own time constraints. He has an exam next week so we also planned to meet once before that. Session was quite simple but he still seemed to struggle a bit even though I literally dumb these concepts down to the max.

Wanted to go get a haircut afterwards before my date but the place was way too packed so I just went and got lunch instead. After I ate I went back to my place to drop off my stuff and get fresh for the date at 4 PM. I show up a bit earlier than usual. She shows up on time.

Ill attach a separate date-log entry again but it was a shorter date. She had some important meeting right after so any odds of a pull was completely gone. Instead of trying to pull my goal was to seed a second date. I thought I did a good job and the vibes were really good. Im working in the feedback I am being given.

I went to the gym right after and I got a Hinge notif from a new match so I am checking that and I end up noticing that this girl I just went on a date with unmatched me. I ended up checking my insta which is where I was talkin to her to set up the date and the girl says to me shes not interested in pursuing anything further. I asked her for honest feedback on what I did that made her feel this way. She said she felt uncomfortable with me touching her and giving her a kiss. I was like yikes. I was worried this meant that my escalation and touch barrier breaking tactics I have been using were creepy. foducossy42 told me shes just another comfort cuck. Makes more sense given her context which I will again detail in the date log entry.

Its a shame. I thought she was cute and interesting. I really wanted to see her again but it is what it is.

 

[G.N]

2/1

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2100 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 112g
->Today's Protein Intake: 75g

Notes:

Fucked up my diet today. I wasn't even having that bad of a day. Seems like making one bad choice leads to another. Ill keep note of the fact on non-cheat days for any meal whatsoever I should not make a poor choice even if its easy. I also had a club meet and we made some really sweet desserts that I thought were really good. Plus I was with my friends.

Got a nice fade this morning. Sadly had to pay full price for the cut since my Wednesdays are packed so I can't go in and snag that deal. It did annoy me though the barber used a brush on my hair to make trimming the top easier. It made my hair look really poofy and weird but I put up with it. Im hoping I didn't cut off too little because that could be why it looks weird. I am afraid to ask for more than a half inch off the top because I don't want my hair looking thin due to it being short.

I met with my therapist again today. I kinda just talked about how my dating life is going and was getting more strategies on just emotional regulation in general. I also told her about how shit is going with my research. Basically I am focusing on trying to just gain value out of this experience even if I don't like what I do. It gives me practice for working more closely with a firm boss as well as other people who are far more experienced than me. The most important thing for me here now is to just me moldable and listen. My dad told me that this can even happen many years into working for a company. He said he was 21 years experienced back in 2015 and he got chewed out by the CEO and his boss in the company. I was thinking 21 years experience he could stand his ground but doesn't matter. Sometimes you do just have to shut up, listen, and execute.

I talked with my research mentor and she basically relayed to me that I need to design a more detailed protcol for my lab work otherwise I cannot work in the lab. Feels a lot like the metaphorical research equivalent of a timeout corner with a written apology but whatever.

Im definitely getting better with dealing with anger. Having an immediate healthy outlet is a game changer and L-citrulline has made the gym way more fun than it used to be.

Some great news today though. I got an email from someone who saw my flyer I posted in the lecture halls. We exchanged numbers and he scheduled a session with me. I need to do an extremely good job so I can retain him. If I do I would have technically achieved my goal of 2 new clients but the current one I have right now is a bit finicky.

I got three new accessories from twisted pendant in the mail today. All bangers. I think Ill slow down on accessories for now though I may buy a gold pendant.

 

[G.N]

2/2

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1811 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 90g
->Today's Protein Intake: 162g

Notes:

One of the new clients wanted me to also have a session on Saturday so I set that up. More money for me.

There was a salsa party going on tonight and I tried to invite someone with me but it seemed like everyone was busy. I think I need to plan stuff in advance more because trying to do anything spontaneously with other people does not work.

I was heavily debating on whether I wanted to go or not because the Uber ride there and back would cost a lot and I don’t have an insane amount of money rn as I just paid my rent for the month.

I ended up not going because I was really sleepy and I hadn’t had proper sleep at all this week for some reason. I don’t really regret it.

I feel really guilty and just bad sometimes when I don’t spend my Friday nights having fun. I just think I’m wasting myself away. I think it’s also in part to realizing I’m not as introverted as I thought I was. It’s been really difficult to come to terms with as I’m still fighting old habits and thought patterns of an introvert.

What I realize now is that yes I am sometimes shy and need personal space but generally I love socializing and meeting new people. I wish it didn’t take me so long to realize this.

 

[Antonio44]

Makes me feel like a bad person

bro when you do something that's bad/not perfect, it's not that you're a bad person, you're just learning.


.

I was surprised by the answer and honestly I didn’t know how to respond so I just said “Oh haha that’s funny”. My solution to basically any situation I don’t understand in the moment is to laugh.

If you don't know what to say, just be like "ok/i see/interesting", laughing cos it's awkward is a bit rapport seeking.. Or just ask what you wanna ask to get the clarification.

@foducossy42 told me shes just another comfort cuck. Makes more sense given her context which I will again detail in the date log entry.

Without being there I don't know for sure, but I doubt it!

This time I try to prioritize making her comfortable first. I offer her some water if she wants but she say she doesn’t want any. But she says she can only stay for like 10 minutes. I put my arm around her and just slowly inch up toward her hair. I complement her hair saying it’s nice and she says thanks. Spend a little bit of time just touching her but I eventually just get up because she feels like a brick wall.

Maybe I misread this, but did you literally just offer her water, then sit her on the bed and put your arm around her immediately? Her saying I can only stay 10 minutes is cos she's nervous and needs an excuse just in case she wants to leave. Give her a bit of time to get comfortable first before you restart escalating. I'll try to write one up in my log for an example of when a girl comes over and is very cold immediately. Also - get better drinks than just water in your house, and share one with her.

She says “let’s hang out again sometime” and I’m like “sure, but at least give me a kiss”. So we do kiss once and she leaves.

Too transactional /pressuring- I guarantee the girl leaves thinking "if i see him again, he's going to pressure and be like "at least give me a blowjob"". Plus, kisses are something you give to girls not vice versa!




Overall - sounds like you are doing a lot of work on your inner self and i really respect that, lots of progress here.

 

[G.N]

Makes me feel like a bad person

bro when you do something that's bad/not perfect, it's not that you're a bad person, you're just learning.


.

I was surprised by the answer and honestly I didn’t know how to respond so I just said “Oh haha that’s funny”. My solution to basically any situation I don’t understand in the moment is to laugh.

If you don't know what to say, just be like "ok/i see/interesting", laughing cos it's awkward is a bit rapport seeking.. Or just ask what you wanna ask to get the clarification.

@foducossy42 told me shes just another comfort cuck. Makes more sense given her context which I will again detail in the date log entry.

Without being there I don't know for sure, but I doubt it!

This time I try to prioritize making her comfortable first. I offer her some water if she wants but she say she doesn’t want any. But she says she can only stay for like 10 minutes. I put my arm around her and just slowly inch up toward her hair. I complement her hair saying it’s nice and she says thanks. Spend a little bit of time just touching her but I eventually just get up because she feels like a brick wall.

Maybe I misread this, but did you literally just offer her water, then sit her on the bed and put your arm around her immediately? Her saying I can only stay 10 minutes is cos she's nervous and needs an excuse just in case she wants to leave. Give her a bit of time to get comfortable first before you restart escalating. I'll try to write one up in my log for an example of when a girl comes over and is very cold immediately. Also - get better drinks than just water in your house, and share one with her.

She says “let’s hang out again sometime” and I’m like “sure, but at least give me a kiss”. So we do kiss once and she leaves.

Too transactional /pressuring- I guarantee the girl leaves thinking "if i see him again, he's going to pressure and be like "at least give me a blowjob"". Plus, kisses are something you give to girls not vice versa!




Overall - sounds like you are doing a lot of work on your inner self and i really respect that, lots of progress here.

Gotcha, next time I won't laugh or chuckle in that context. Ill just use what you said to create a dead end to move on.

Not like right away. She kinda just looks around my room for a few minutes and then she sits down. Then I sat next to her and put my arm around her. I agree with you though. I definitely got too damn hasty. Usually this is like post boba/coffee so offering something else other than water seems bogus to me but if its better I offer something else Ill do that instead.

Yeah I looked back I didn't think that was a great thing to say. Kisses should be mutual.

 

[G.N]

2/3

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1811 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 49g
->Today's Protein Intake: 157g

Notes:

Today was really nice out. The Midwest is finally getting some sun after grey sky bullshit for weeks on end. I studied in the library for my exam next week. Only have one more lecture to rewatch.

I also deleted my Bumble. The app is basically dead for me now and I want to reset. Now only my Hinge is left.

Had a session with the client who saw my flyer. I fucked up not coming as prepared. From my previous experience I assumed i would have to teach them the concepts from scratch. That was not entirely the case. She understood some stuff but not everything. I found it annoying though how neurotic she was and she kept barraging me with questions whilst not letting me finish teaching her something fully. She kept wanting to bounce topics. I semi-called out her neuroticism. Towards the end of the session I told her from here on out she needs to explicitly let me know what she wants to work on as i told her I thought she needed help with the basics. Well whatever at least I got paid and scheduled another session. I fucking love money

After the sesh I went outside and got my tripod+DSLR and decided to snap some photos of myself for the apps. I got like one good one so I threw it into faceapp and fixed the lighting to make the image look nicer. Really happy with the final result. I wore a good fit and showed one of my rings.

 

[G.N]

2/4

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 3/3
->Today's Calories: 1804 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 70g
->Today's Protein Intake: 135g

Notes:

I woke up this morning and realized all my HW assignments for Mol Gen are due today. I had like 5 and I panicked. I also needed to finish reviewing the lectures. I finished reviewing the lectures this morning. It was nice out again but still cold.

I uploaded my favorite picture from yesterday's session onto photofeeler and it averaged an 8.7 in attractiveness w/ women under the age of 24. Was very pleased with the result.

I spent most of today studying for Mol Gen. Around 5 or so was when sunset hit. Before I left my room I wore my green jacket white shirt fit and tried on my new dragon tiger pendant with it. I set up my tripod at some location near the library.

I honestly was a bit disappointed. Nothing came out as nice as I hoped. I think my lack of vision for what I want my finished product to look like is to blame. The weather is not gonna be good again for a while. The lighting was actually good this time today too. Oh well, I did get like 1 or 2 pics I can replace other shitty pics with.

This week was incredibly shit for Hinge. I only got like 3 matches vs the 9 I got last week. Just gonna hope that consistently improving pics little by little changes things.

I wanted to actually mealprep today as well so after studying it was nearly 9PM so I took a bus to kroger and got ingredients. I came back and marinated some chicken for an hour. It was too late to go to the gym so I ended up just going to my apartments upstairs "gym" and did like 25 minutes of fast-paced walking for cardio. Idk if it counts but I guess I didn't want to fully skip gym again.

Im terribly disorganized right now. I keep trying to buy groceries, go gym, cook, and study on Sundays. I can probably buy groceries and cook on sunday but gym on saturday or vice versa. Im being an idiot.

 

[G.N]

2/5

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 2069 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 94g
->Today's Protein Intake: 131g

 

[G.N]

2/6

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1660 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 32g
->Today's Protein Intake: 136g