Jamgoth's New Progress log - actually striking up the balls to talk to women

[Adrizzle]

Just ask her out

“Hey I think you’re cute. Let’s get a drink on X”

 

[Jamgoth]

Just ask her out

“Hey I think you’re cute. Let’s get a drink on X”

I've offered opportunities to hang out and they were declined so I'm not going to push the issue further

 

[pancakemouse]

Just ask her out

“Hey I think you’re cute. Let’s get a drink on X”

Asking girls out without a ramp, or really any compliance at all, is a dead-end move.

 

[Jamgoth]

Just ask her out

“Hey I think you’re cute. Let’s get a drink on X”

Asking girls out without a ramp, or really any compliance at all, is a dead-end move.

Can you elaborate on this? I agree with you that asking "let's get drinks" out of the blue is a bad move (from personal experience) but how should I go about this instead

 

[pancakemouse]

Asking girls out without a ramp, or really any compliance at all, is a dead-end move.

Can you elaborate on this? I agree with you that asking "let's get drinks" out of the blue is a bad move (from personal experience) but how should I go about this instead

https://pancakemouse.wordpress.com/2021/12/21/yohamis-rules-of-text-game/

See Rule 8

 

[Jamgoth]

Went to the local college bar again. I realize my strategy of "just go there and have fun" isn't getting me anywhere, I can come across as normal but I'm not exactly taking anyone home or getting any numbers, so tonight I decided to be bolder with my flirting. I approached a trio, one guy two girls, as it's a college bar I do open with "whats your field of study" but I try to move to more fun topics and tease their reactions a little. One of the girls commented about how we have opposite opinions on pretty much everything so I was like "shame we could have made a cute couple" to which there was an awkward silence between me and the trio. She was like "what?!" This didn't feel like a shit test, more like a "you went too far dude" so I kinda meekly backed out and pretended I wasn't blatantly hit on her. She gave me a "I'm sorry I don't date in Yale" which I know is bullshit. I told them I was getting another drink and just left the bar.

 

[pancakemouse]

Went to the local college bar again. I realize my strategy of "just go there and have fun" isn't getting me anywhere, I can come across as normal but I'm not exactly taking anyone home or getting any numbers, so tonight I decided to be bolder with my flirting. I approached a trio, one guy two girls, as it's a college bar I do open with "whats your field of study" but I try to move to more fun topics and tease their reactions a little. One of the girls commented about how we have opposite opinions on pretty much everything so I was like "shame we could have made a cute couple" to which there was an awkward silence between me and the trio. She was like "what?!" This didn't feel like a shit test, more like a "you went too far dude" so I kinda meekly backed out and pretended I wasn't blatantly hit on her. She gave me a "I'm sorry I don't date in Yale" which I know is bullshit. I told them I was getting another drink and just left the bar.

1. Tonality was probably off.
1a. You went for "we frame" a bit too soon without gauging her interest. Sure, you're negating it, but... really you're not, so she's going to deny.
2. Did you figure out the relationships between all the people in the group? (ask the girl, not the guy)
2a. At the stage you're at, don't openly flirt with girls in front of a guy in their group, even if you did know the answer to 2. and it was a platonic relationship. This type of line is something for after you've isolated her.

Props for continuing to take action. My sense is that you're going to need a more experienced wing/mentor/coach sooner rather than later, though, or this is going to take longer to figure out than you have time for.

 

[Jamgoth]

Props for continuing to take action. My sense is that you're going to need a more experienced wing/mentor/coach sooner rather than later, though, or this is going to take longer to figure out than you have time for.

Wow you can tell I'm that bad haha (only half joking). I do feel like I'm improving, just at a slow rate, by getting a sense of what works and what doesn't. I'm in a better spot now than a year ago

(also to answer your earlier question, they were classmates, not dating, I'm not stupid enough to openly flirt with someone if I know they have a partner)

 

[Adrizzle]

Just ask her out

“Hey I think you’re cute. Let’s get a drink on X”

Asking girls out without a ramp, or really any compliance at all, is a dead-end move.

Yeah na agreed depends on what Mr Goth goals are.

But I do think it’s better to swing for the fences Everytime. Even when your not going to get it builds a habit of showing intent and over time will build outcome independence

 

[Jamgoth]

I've eased up on chasing the Chinese girl. She's still friendly and receptive to me in person, and engaged in text so I don't think I've completely blown it. I'm not texting her often because I know texting her every day is needy. But recently we've had a long chat about previous relationships where she opened up quite a bit to me. I'm assuming talking about relationships is man to woman. I tried maintaining a frame that I'm a sexual person in general without coming across as I need her specifically. This involved making up a history I didn't actually have, but I figure I need to fake it until I make it. I'll post screenshots later, but I think she sees me as a friend not a partner.

There's a different Chinese girl in my cohort. She she's not ugly (maybe average) but she's very shy and awkward. She will join the orientation and social activities and awkwardly wave to everyone, but when she waves to me she does it with more enthusiasm than other people in our group. But she still seems too shy to actually say anything or hold a conversation. I'm going to use her as practice for leading a conversation and trying to segue it into making it man to woman.

 

[Jamgoth]

If your cold approaching and she's not into you - gtfo out of there. No weird we'd made a good couple thing. "No worries, pleasure chatting."

Yeah, Okay, I got that I made a mistake there. Lesson learned.

 

[Antonio44]

as it's a college bar I do open with "whats your field of study" but I try to move to more fun topics and tease their reactions a little.

if you like that kind of opening, try "you guys look like x subjects". E.g comp sci, biologists. Gets the same outcome and it's more playful, especially if you say a subject that's the opposite of how they actually look. And they will inevitably respond why - easy teasing sigue.

 

[Olafsmash]

Finding a girl who likes you is just a numbers game, not a technical game past a certain point of acceptable social skills.

we are trying to bang hot chicks, who cares about being liked
it is abseloutely a technical game, from start of texts to bedroom

Attraction is instantaneous, developing an emotional connection takes time.

sure, but it can also be built both in texts and irl

 

[Jamgoth]

we are trying to bang hot chicks, who cares about being liked
it is abseloutely a technical game, from start of texts to bedroom


sure, but it can also be built both in texts and irl

So you're coming from the perspective of getting your needs met at the expense of hers? If a girl doesnt like you, she will not sleep with you. Point blank. If you force her to sleep with you, you're a sociopath and committing rape. Am I understanding your perspective correctly?

Not really, you can only influence and manipulate someone so much. If a girl likes you, you can say almost anything and she will be attracted to you. Unless you enjoy playing games.

Can we please just not argue on the forums? I don't want my journal to become a political debate. I don't want to come here to ask for dating advice by more experienced wings but get drowned out by people arguing culture war stuff.

 

[Olafsmash]

Not really, you can only influence and manipulate someone so much. If a girl likes you, you can say almost anything and she will be attracted to you. Unless you enjoy playing games.

its so silly to equate building attraction to manipulation. yea i'm totally trying to manipulate girls by being good at texting.. Good meaning the opposite of bad. You can imagine what bad texting is for a romantic pursuing context, right?

Can we please just not argue on the forums?

is not political but if you dont want my input in your log i will refrain from here on out

 

[Jamgoth]

Last night I went to a local concert/festival held by the school. Again, just went in with the attitude of "I'm here to have fun" not "I need sex" So I went around introducing myself to people, engaging with the activities and shit. There was one girl, a freshman, who seemed to be receptive to me. I did my best to lead the conversation, try to tease, try to make it about fun topics and not schoolwork, sprinkling in the occasional compliment. I would say "let's go here" I didn't really have a plan for changing venues, I just wanted to seem like I was dominant and in charge. I thought I was doing well, until I asked for her number and got rejected. She did say she was 17 but only told me after I asked for her number, but her tonality said she was using it as an excuse not a justification.

 

[Crisis_Overcomer]

So you're coming from the perspective of getting your needs met at the expense of hers? If a girl doesnt like you, she will not sleep with you. Point blank. If you force her to sleep with you, you're a sociopath and committing rape. Am I understanding your perspective correctly?

Not really, you can only influence and manipulate someone so much. If a girl likes you, you can say almost anything and she will be attracted to you. Unless you enjoy playing games.

Can we please just not argue on the forums? I don't want my journal to become a political debate. I don't want to come here to ask for dating advice by more experienced wings but get drowned out by people arguing culture war stuff.

For what it's worth, I'm 99% sure Jay was a recurring troll that we get every few months on the forums. His persona is always that of a reluctant giga chad but he's probably a virgin dork hiding in his mom's basement. I'm not sure what he shared here, but you can disregard it and listen to Olaf instead.

 

[Manganiello]

His persona is always that of a reluctant giga chad but he's probably a virgin dork hiding in his mom's basement.

This is a thing.

Idk why but seems like there's some guys who like convincing strangers they're good with chicks.

It's like the really confident guy who says blanket statements that doesnt align with anyone elses experience.

Then they backpedal when challenged.

 

[Jamgoth]

I have very bad body dysmorphia. My friends tell me I look fine, and that I've also improved my looks from a year ago, but I still think I look gross whenever I look in the mirror. I'm doing everything I can to looksmax and I realize a lot of this is psychological not physical. Still, I want to get botox to get rid of my eye bags and smile lines.

On a side note I don't think I completely blew it with the Nigerian girl. I may make a move later when I get the chance.

 

[natedawg]

I have very bad body dysmorphia. My friends tell me I look fine, and that I've also improved my looks from a year ago, but I still think I look gross whenever I look in the mirror. I'm doing everything I can to looksmax and I realize a lot of this is psychological not physical.

From someone who's been there, unfortunately, it's best to take your friend's advice with a grain of salt. Unfortunately, most people will tell you what you want to hear, so they don't hurt your feelings. Also, they'll naturally be biased because, well, they're your friends.

When I posted my pictures here, everyone was quick to remove the blindfolds and tell me I still had a lot of work ahead of me.

I think it could be helpful to post some pictures of you in both flattering/unflattering angles and request feedback from the community here.