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Lusty's 5'4 fat to fit looking for love log

kratjeuh You are totally correct, but I think there is some value in not being super picky especially when getting back into dating and building momentum up, then just focus on increasing quality.

110.2kg this morning, so close to my first milestone on my weight loss journey which is to get under 110kg.

I broke down my weight loss into 10kg milestones to make the journey a little easier as ultimately I had close to 50kg to lose from my peak, but if I can turn that into 5 milestones and just focus on getting to each station on the mountain then it just seems to make it like less of a monumental task.
 
With all the rehab work, mobility and strengthening my lower back along with my mate giving me a few tips and doing some tempo and paused deadlifts I finally managed to push the weight on my deadlift with out back pain, added 30kg in one session. slowly see if I can work my deadlift back up to my old numbers.

The only slightly frustrating part of the big deadlift and leg session 7 sets of heavy deadlift with 5 of them being tempo sets meant that I had a little weight gain even though my diet didn't change, but the scales showed a decent drop in BF% and scales which means it was swelling and water retention from the big session, went up to 110.6kg then back to 110.2kg this morning, the timing just annoying with being at 110kg and wanting to hit under 110kg for Milestone 1 haha

But I know I will be there tomorrow or by the end of the week so I am excited.
 
FINALLY UNDER 110KG LET'S GO woke up this morning at 109.8kg

I am not sure if I mentioned how I broke up my weight loss task into 5 milestones so 1 down 4 to go or 39.8kg to lose

My milestones are
1 - Under 110kg (DONE)
2 - Under 100kg
3 - Under 90kg
4 - Under 80kg
5 - 70kg (maybe will go for 69kg because it is a nice number but will see how I look in the mirror when I get in the low 70's)

For reference, I had my top two abs showing when I hit 75kg pre-lockdowns.

Soon I will be lower than I was when I started posting on the forums, sort of sucks knowing I gained weight when I start with a weight loss goal, but I still had a lot of shit mentally I had to heal from and I was just will powering through that weight loss journey back then which then got super hard post break up from the relationship I was in.

I did notice when I do some deep shadow and inner healing work, bringing up emotional crap I end up soothing it with eating, so I am sort of happy to have done all the healing as much as I gained a bit of weight as I now am on the other side of it all where I can just go ok less talking about and feeling my emotions and more action time, but I also have noticed a lot of the work catching up with just the ability to start letting go of a few things I was holding onto as well.

I do feel in a way better place, and the emotion I am exploring or trying to release more now is Anger so I have been playing Viking war music and beats at the gym and just trying to get angry at the weights as its something I have repressed and struggle to express due to a few events in my childhood so I have the awareness of it all now it's just trying to build a better relationship and release/let go of a lot of Anger I am holding on to.
The side benefit is I have been more focused and hitting the weights harder doing this which is great
 
109.3kg tracking well and weight is still coming off quickly, had some great gym sessions too with my mate.
 
No go with that girl, she lied about her age to me, I worked it out when she wanted to add me to facebook and her age didn't line up even though I asked her what her age was when I stalked her facebook it seems like she isn't 18 yet so I just messaged her to not contact me and deleted her off facebook. Either way fun cool story, pity she was way too young for me haha
 
108.5kg this morning woo hoo, gone to the gym 7 days in a row, just sticking to a routine and just did some light work and grip stuff today.

Also started doing a little neck training want to have bigger forearms and neck once I lose weight so I can keep looking jacked but its also fun to train to change things up
 
MakingAComeback said:
Can you tell us about our your inner work dude?

How do you do it?

LMK
Click to expand...

Been a fair journey to be honest this is sort of the list of things that have just built on and built on over the years

-Doing a 4 week masculinity course along with a Tantra element where I challenged myself to go 60 days without ejaculation
-Having a sexuality mentor and doing various workshops with Sexual Quantum Leap and retreats to build the confidence of knowing internally that any woman I meet I can give a better sexual experience than 90% of other guys she will ever meet, the mindset on this and shift really helped me get laid a lot more as I let go of a lot of self-sabotage
-Movement coaching, breath work, cold/hot
-Working with various inner work coaches who are close to or have worked with people in the dating space
-Rebuilding my self-esteem and healing a lot of family dynamics and other issues with a longer-term coach I worked with
-Joining the peace timeline and learning how to do parts work (Internal Family Systems) to move and shift a lot of crap internally and heal my relationship to the feminine and help parts of me protecting me move through things

Then I have also on my own been doing as much letting go as I am able to and when possible meditation.

The other things I have been feeling into as well to help with confidence is knowing that looks money status help, but also at the same time completely letting go of that if it doesn't serve me.

My retarded belief that my height, my weight, my looks don't matter has given me almost super powers in the past to go for and feel entitled to super attractive women, and also reframe any rejection to I just need to appraoch more or improve my game.
And this retarded levels of self belief allowed me to sleep with women who seemed way out of my league in a pure SMV to SMV comparison, but I was just like I know this game stuff it means I can get the girl.

If anything I am like worse off now in belief and it does fuck me up a little on the quality of women and I limit myself only to shorter women even though in the past I have been with attractive taller women through my autistic levels of self belief and that looks and height don't matter.

Today I just seem to have embodied a lot of stuff I learnt to by default lead a women back to my place for sex with out trying, so I am excited with the fat loss, the better looks and also working on being more relaxed and letting go of more shit
 
Weight fluxed up a little but now back down to 108.6kg scales showing lower bf% than the higher up post at 108.5kg the standard water flux of weight loss but I am glad I am consistently on the down whilst getting stronger at the gym.

Pulled 150kg deadlift first time I have gone to that number since COVID happened and a range of injuries after so I am glad to be back pulling some half decent numbers, my goal is to work up to my old PR of 180kg and see if I can break that.

Looking into my next phase of so-called inner work after reflecting thanks to reading MakingAComeback log and the question you asked above and integrating the practices with improving my dating life so I started a practice an old mentor of mine is currently doing for his community called Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation (TWIM) another friend of mine has been doing it under his guidance for 12 months now and it is a slow game of daily practice but I have seen the shift in him and he just radiates so much more positive energy, I guess the cool thing is because he lives in Sydney I see him in person every 6 months as much as we chat on the phone but I could see the change in him last year when I was in Sydney and also from our chats so it feel like a nothing to lose even if it did not affect my dating life there is just so much more radiating inner peace, love and happiness
 
108.0kg today so close to dipping into the 107s so looks like I am tracking well with 1kg/week on average loss, feeling quite sustainable in terms of food and diet and current exercise. I think adding in a few more walks does sort of increase the loss rate closer to 1.3kg so I will aim to do more afternoon walks but won't force it, gym is a bigger focus.

I also started learning and adding in TWIM meditation from the new course/community I joined with their instructions, I am allowing myself to suck with this and just letting myself meditate as long as I can in this state hitting about 7mins on my stopwatch but I am counting it as week 0 to get comfortable and used to the practice before moving to the instructions of doing 30-45mins in the morning daily.

The other practice I will try and implement is what's called 6R's just a process for releasing different things that pop up in the mind, I am focusing on not swearing so every time I swear I will 6R it.

I am happy with my gym and working out stuff but I feel it is time I start adding in some more productive time and balancing out my life to be more well-rounded in terms of adding in more productive work for my business I have been taking that a little slow of late with the main focus on my health.

I guess I want to try and slowly work my way to getting something similar to this day

Wake-up morning routine
Red light therapy, journal, meditate (30mins)
Coffee
work mode (2-4hrs deep work)
Gym
Food
work (2-4hrs)
Food
Walk/Talk to some women
Light work, Self-development/learning/podcasts
Wind down - Sleep

Right now I am a little derailed with porn use which I know isn't my complete focus to remove or get rid of as I don't want to overwhelm myself and remove that outlet which may serve me now to help me cope and keep to my diet and health goals. So my focus will be to slowly try and add in more work stuff, meetings I have are good to force me to get going and do work but I also have a big list of things I need to get on top of I keep putting off.
 
107.0kg super happy with the weight loss

My body is a little sore from all the gym sessions been pushing harder with my mate with me which is the benefit of having a gym buddy because my competitive side just tries to outdo him all the time, it's funny because he is stronger on the big 3 powerlifting moves but then I will outdo him on the machines, thanks injuries.... Either way has been good fun and training super hard

Been building the habit of daily TWIM meditations and also will start adding in more Metta (loving-kindness) throughout the day. I have seen how it transformed my friend's life and it feels like something I can go slow and easy with.

I think I was dealing a little with coaching and deep inner work burnout especially towards the end of last year so it feels nice not focusing too much on deep work and just doing some love and kindness meditations and focusing on just increasing my sit time from my current of 10mins to eventually 1hr
 
106.7kg, basically 10kg down in a month (Xmas spike made this seem much higher than it needed to) but overall pretty solid month of sticking to my diet, hitting the gym 4-6x per week, and doing 3-5 large walks per week. Quite happy with building this as I know when I first joined the forums I was struggling with consistency and sticking to a plan. Andy even made a podcast ep for me on this topic haha.

Crazy last 2 days though the cliff notes:
New gym has like a small boxing area so started punching the bag
After day 1 of punching had someone when I was walking who was trying to say he would rap for me and I give him money keep saying stuff to provoke a reaction until he was like I'll fight you, but I just kept ignoring him til he was like you are too big for me and he walked off
Only reason why I ran into him was because I had a date who set the time to meet then she rocked up 45mins late and I was just walking around the block killing time, she rocks up, massive catfish from online, chat sucked so I got a friend to call me to say they needed my help and I bailed, first time I have ever bailed on a date in like 5mins but I was just over that night and went home and chilled.
Next day I bring my gloves and go even harder with the bag being annoyed at the day before and also a female friend who I chat to for ages just really annoyed me that day to the point where I ended up taking a step back and as much as she would always be at me like I need to heal and fix my patterns I then just saw clearly the narrative of her blame and making things out of thin air, it was always a trauma bond and I thought it was helpful as she did point a few things out in me and I pointed things out in her but yeah I think it is past its expiry.
Walking home after a real full-on power punch sesh with the bag, walk past a homeless dude carrying a metal pole on an empty street, sweating and still pumped with aggression, he yells F**K YOU C**T in my ear, I get a little startled and adrenaline hits the max and I am externally trying to stay calm but internal preparing to do what I did to that poor boxing bag to this guys face whilst also flashing back to my self-defence training I did like 8 years ago about ways to deflect, and dodge the mental pole he had, thankfully he just kept walking and didn't do anything.

From all this I was super rattled when I got home, all over the place, my old patterns would have been Porn, binge, and check out for the day but that is not a pattern available to me anymore, so I ended up going laying down, putting on an emotional release meditation from one of my mentors.
Was crazy I started shaking and convulsing on the floor, have not experienced this sort of release in so long, I guess it was awesome in a sense that this craziness happened but I chose to deal with it all in a healthier way using the tools I have learnt from my amazing mentors over the years. I am not perfect by any means, but I am so glad in that moment I was like this was an emotionally intense few events and many are my triggers from my past as well and I managed to deal with it with a new pattern and way that serves me rather than old patterns which didn't serve me.
 
106.5kg pushed a little harder with the weight loss this week, sort of felt easy at the same time just been enjoying gym and my hunger levels have like dropped even further than before somehow.

Went on a date last night, pretty chill, she spoke a lot so I thought I would just try out what I heard Andy say on one of the podcasts, just saying hey I want to kiss you right now, then I paused then asked if she wanted to kiss me, she said yes so I just started making out with her. Brought her back to mine but yeah just played with her boobs not a lot else. I did notice where part of me was being a little deceitful and just some stuff for me to work on in dates in terms of I said I am only looking for something casual then we were talking about random stuff and it seemed like she wanted something longer term and I sort of played into that narrative and she did pick it up later on going didn't you say you wanted something not serious and I am like yeah at first then see where it goes but I have been getting along with you.

I checked in with myself after the date and just reflected on the fact I straight lied out of fear of her going I'm looking for something serious which is just so dumb from me because she already agreed to something not super serious when I set up the date and that could have been what she is looking for sure but with me could have been like he is handsome I am horny let me get this out of my system before I go find a nice guy for a relationship, so I think I sort of chucked myself in that relationship bucket.

So good learning experience for me to be more confident in myself, have my words and actions align, because I was feeling a little off or a little funny afterwards and I was like ahhh because I pretty much was being decietful and putting her needs ahead of mine.
 
Still 106.5kg after 6 days, slightly frustrating having the same weight for like 6 days in a row, but I guess it makes sense as I had a quick drop the past 5 weeks consistently, the good part is my BF% is going down on the scales so might just be my body re adjusting then I will drop more soon which has happened on my weight loss journies in the past.

Sometimes I get caught up in the I hope today goes quick to wake up the next day lighter as I want the time to go quickly with the fat loss but then again at the same time it's like wait I'm 31 now I am getting older and need to do more stuff rather than going to the gym for 2hrs, walk for 1-2hrs, watch porn for a few hours, listen to some podcasts and sleep.

I have slowly been getting more stuff done for work, but I just don't seem to have as much capacity for it, I think part of it is just the amount of porn I am watching and adding in some study of Spiral Dynamics and my new meditation practice. So I guess I just need to give myself grace and focus on just getting a little more done, I have been super slack with my short-form video content and reels so I am setting myself the goal of just cutting up one of them and sending it to the editor so I can get it uploaded this week.
 
106.3kg weight finally on the move again, slow but it's on the move, I did train legs yesterday, pulled 2 sets of 150kg deadlift, which usually slows weight loss down from water retention post work out, so my scales are now showing even lower BF%.

I should take a rest break but I was going to train with this guy I connected with who is on his self-improvement journey and has some nice shots on IG I want to collaborate with him for some new photos for my apps if I decide to keep them.

I really do need to start doing some in-person stuff, but I keep procrastinating with porn and then going I got to get some work stuff done but I am still procrastinating it a lot. Need to sit on what the resistance and aversion is, could be just capacity, or loss of momentum. The good part of just loss of momentum is I can just slowly do a tiny bit more each day, which I sort of have been doing, but just not going fast enough for the amount of work I have piling up.
 
105.8kg finally seeing it move again, did a lighter session yesterday at the gym and went on a slightly longer walk because I was on the phone with my mate.

Got a date planned tonight which is good just from hinge, I have noticed a drop off in matches and stuff, more so on bumble, hinge seems not too bad but I am like using the same photos as last time I was on the apps and I am seeing much less matches and stuff unless I run a boost then I get a bunch so not sure if it is just a shift in demographics or I caught the short end of the stick this time. Either way, I do feel the need to do more in-person stuff, I am going to a bar for the first time on the weekend for a friend's birthday, the first time in over a year that I am at a bar that isn't just for 1 drink for a date, so I will see how I go, it's with a mixed group of men and women, most of them I don't know, but I think I will just try to do some approaches anyway with out worrying too much what they think of me. I can also practice relaxation.

I am still using the weight as a bit of an excuse not to go talk to strangers and the fact it is hot, by the time I walk to the city I am sweaty and stuff, but like I purposely went to the city to go to gym yesterday and passed so many attractive women I could have spoken too but I used the I am wearing a backpack, I look like a bum in work out cloths and I am too fat to sit in the inaction of doing nothing. My perfectionism is coming out to hold me back from action until everything is perfect.

Still struggling a little with being as productive as I want with work stuff, but got a little tiny bit more done this morning, so I think it is just about building up the momentum and start replacing porn time with work time, built some bad habits over the break but that is ok, I have a date tonight so it is like yeah no porn so I can be ready if it ends back at mine.

Weird thing I noticed is my meditation practice I managed to do a longer session with the knowledge of my date and going out on the weekend, so idk if I just allow it to be what it is in my mind of doing more to get x result even though ultimately I know it is all about just letting go of it all.
 
105.2kg everything seems to be moving well, pulled up a little sore today from a massive session with my mate at gym yesterday pushed some new PR's maxed out the leg extension machine, and managed 14 reps on my top set, just felt super dialed in at gym.

Might do some rehab stuff, some boxing and arms today.

Going out for the first time in almost 2 years to a bar tonight for a friend's birthday, might try and do 1 approach haha see how we go, at least I have a good group of people to socialize with as it is my gym buddies birthday and half the people there are all mutual gym friends including some fit and attractive women, many I have not met but a lot of them are also the partners of some of the guys, but will either just branch off and talk to strangers or see how the connection and vibe is with the group to recruit a wingman or wingwoman, could be useful to marge in some groups of women into that friend group. Might just be overthinking it but I am excited to go out to a bar with normal people and women rather than pick up dudes, but also giving myself ease and grace to see just 1 approach as a win because I have not been out for so long.

I also set up a date 2.5hrs before his birthday to get social but it will be funny if I end up taking her back to mine, then get re-ready to go out again, seems like tonight will be good fun.
 
104.2kg weight loss is going strong and consistent again. Happens at times, hit a few days of no movement then boom keep dropping.

My average weight loss is close to 1.5kg/week over the past 30 days which is a good rate whilst I am over 100kg and like 37%BF. I am mentally preparing myself for the fact the weight loss will slow as I get lighter simply from burning less calories because I am carrying less weight but I don't see an issue with that as my diet is pretty auto-pilot and easy right now with no effort I am just going to ride this out for as long as I can.

I am travelling again soon and will have a bunch of events on and staying with family which will be a challenge but I have some deep inner confidence of that no matter what happens I will be ok, I do want to try and stick to this rapid weight loss and how good I feel on carnivore but I also get having a wedding, staying at my families place + a bunch of catch ups, business events/dinners can be hard so at worse if we gain a little on the travels I know coming back home I just go back to my default plan which is super easy in a more controlled environment.

I also finally put two videos together, and posted one the other is with the editor for the final touches, so I am finally getting more and more work done, still not as productive as I want to be, but I am slowly building it up. Tiktok did well on my last video hit over 2,000 views which is great for my content considering I talk business and tax stuff, not as entertaining as all the other dopamine-hitting stuff.

The other thing I am still making excuses for and putting off it talking to women in real life, I am now 3-4kg lighter than the last time I did some in-person approaches so I need to stop using that as an excuse. I do force myself for my long walks to walk in the city it's just I am dressed in work out cloths and sweating from it being consistently 30-34degrees C and high humidity this time of year, and I sweat a lot from my head, less so from my body so at least I don't get smelly but it's very visible on my head
 
102.8kg lets go.

I went to a business summit yesterday and decided to do a full day fast, woke up feeling pretty good this morning, falling asleep was a touch hard with some hunger but woke up not hungry just had my coffee and I think I might just extend my fast depending on how I feel tonight. I had gone to gym 20+ days in a row so good to just take a few days off and fast from food and just focus on getting some steps in.

Good way to drop some weight quickly as well before heading to Melbourne on Monday and also helps with like just sitting in and being ok with the discomfort of hunger which I want to be more comfortable with as I know that feeling will be spiking from a behavioural place when I go back to my parents house with all the emotional and environmental triggers.

I realized I have not posted here in a week, on the dating side just had a bit of bad luck with a few different dates and situations going no where but its part of it all.

I went out at night for the first time, did one approach at night and then pussied out haha but I will take it as a win and when I am back from Melbourne I will try heading out one night per week and approach a few women I have my routine down now to not impact my sleep too badly and worked out a way to sleep in and not feel like crap the next few days so I will keep that routine.
 
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