Mav's Log

[Toast]

I'm not that bad at work, store, or on dates... I mean I slept with three different girls in the past year but could barely utter a syllable to the gym girl lol.

Have you already done the full Approach Anxiety program? I agree with Radical that exposure therapy seems like the answer.

Personally a month ago asking for the time was hard. Also in the past I had gotten laid with different girls. Maybe not many but I still got laid. I also was not agoraphobic. After making it to day 39 of AA I honestly feel like I could talk to any hot chick in the gym, and I'm expecting that my confidence will go up even higher. I talked to 50 hot girls in the past 5 days, on the street, in the grocery store, at the mall, literally wherever.

I never really thought my anxiety was that bad until I tried the program and it showed me how much of a bitch I really was.

I'm gunna make some assumptions that may be incorrect, but gym chicks are probably, idk if fetish is the correct word, but the types of chicks you think are best. You may have put them in a class above other girls. As a result it makes it harder for you to approach or act without anxiety. They're just normal girls in a different setting, and in fact probably boring girls with only a hot body to offer. Nothing to be nervous about talking to. This is what I've learned so far on my AA journey.

 

[Mav]

I'm not that bad at work, store, or on dates... I mean I slept with three different girls in the past year but could barely utter a syllable to the gym girl lol.

Have you already done the full Approach Anxiety program? I agree with @Radical that exposure therapy seems like the answer.

Personally a month ago asking for the time was hard. Also in the past I had gotten laid with different girls. Maybe not many but I still got laid. I also was not agoraphobic. After making it to day 39 of AA I honestly feel like I could talk to any hot chick in the gym, and I'm expecting that my confidence will go up even higher. I talked to 50 hot girls in the past 5 days, on the street, in the grocery store, at the mall, literally wherever.

I never really thought my anxiety was that bad until I tried the program and it showed me how much of a bitch I really was.

I'm gunna make some assumptions that may be incorrect, but gym chicks are probably, idk if fetish is the correct word, but the types of chicks you think are best. You may have put them in a class above other girls. As a result it makes it harder for you to approach or act without anxiety. They're just normal girls in a different setting, and in fact probably boring girls with only a hot body to offer. Nothing to be nervous about talking to. This is what I've learned so far on my AA journey.

Naw, she wasn't hot or anything. I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social. Example, went to watch ufc with guy at bar and he had friends there I didn't know. Couldn't introduce myself because it was too awkward and they didn't introduce themselves. So was kind of awkward the whole night.

Even with people Ive known for years, I'll fuck up and jumble my words/thoughts and just come across weird. It's not that I don't know what to do or not do... I don't have autism it's just that my brain is just broken and won't let me respond approriately. Must be a lifetime of negative experiences... like having people talk shit at the gym, which makes me far more awkward/on guard there. I freeze and come off as weird and inept. Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. And no, I haven't done the AA program.

 

[Toast]

I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social.

The AA program will definitely help with this and with women. It starts off very slowly in the beginning and addresses problems with general social freedom.

It does just sound like typical "male" trauma. (Complex PTSD)

Your brain is probably not broken beyond repair - a LOT has to do with the right environment. A brain is pretty malleable.

"Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. "

YES! Absolutely. Just like most "normal", average-ish guys. You're a human. You're a man.

I also believe that societally, things ARE changing and male issues are taken more seriously.
Please, in the mean time, try the AA program. Give yourself permission to be creepy.

I totally agree. Its never too late to change.

 

[Mav]

I dont have anxiety with just women, it's almost anything social.

The AA program will definitely help with this and with women. It starts off very slowly in the beginning and addresses problems with general social freedom.

It does just sound like typical "male" trauma. (Complex PTSD)

Your brain is probably not broken beyond repair - a LOT has to do with the right environment. A brain is pretty malleable.

"Sounds dumb but Im analyzing the way I walk and every mannerism. "

YES! Absolutely. Just like most "normal", average-ish guys. You're a human. You're a man.

I also believe that societally, things ARE changing and male issues are taken more seriously.
Please, in the mean time, try the AA program. Give yourself permission to be creepy.

I totally agree. Its never too late to change.

Not trying to be negative here, truly, but I don't think so. I get a fair amount of negative reactions from people just going about my day to day over the course of the year. I start gaining ground and just a little bit of confidence and then someone will completely destroy that and tear me down. It isn't all the time but enough to keep sending me back to square one. Idk people just see I'm an easy target.

 

[Toast]

ok, why do you let it bother you? Do u really need validation from anybody? Are peoples opinions of you really that important? The only person who matters is yourself. Tell them to fuck off and suck a dick. Who are they to judge you. If its your friends then they're toxic and you should consider getting new friends.

I'm also just some random person on the internet. What I say doesn't matter either. You do you, and don't let anybody tell you how to live your life.

Not trying to be mean, just my view on what you said.

 

[Mav]

ehh I've been bullied my whole life, even now at 30. People's opinions definitely matter, especially when it's a large number of people saying the same things. Yeah I agree, I had a few toxic friends I cut out years ago. But still haven't been able to replace them. But no friends is much better than toxic ones.

 

[Toast]

Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I don't have all the answers as I'm still on my own journey. If u really feel like their opinions matter then use that as fuel to prove them wrong and give them a metaphorical middle finger. Or the finger in real life lol.

 

[Mav]

you're doing great. best of luck bro

 

[Mav]

Might try social anxiety meds and see if that helps give me enough of a buffer, so I can do what I need to.

 

[Mav]

Might try social anxiety meds and see if that helps give me enough of a buffer, so I can do what I need to.

What has helped me the most in the big picture (and I am projecting here) is good friends that are in many ways different but similar to you, but who you can almost love unconditionally and who love you unconditionally - both men and women.. The wonderful feeling during these periods of my life is that I literally didn't care about "romantic love" - I could be whoever I wanted to be. I didn't care about being alpha, beta, isecure, weak, strong, masculine, feminine etc. I just... Was. And I felt accepted and I GAVE acceptance. I didn't care about politics, feminism, manosphere, social studies etc. I wasn't frustrated for not having a girlfriend or "chads fucking girls while I don't hurrdurr"

Well, unconditional love probably doesn't exist (your mom "loves" you because you are her son, because of hormones etc.) but It's the nearest thing that can feel like it.
That's why I sometimes love hippie-ish communities.

I really hope that both you and I can feel that again some day

Yeah, I don't have any friends.

I just think ultimately I'm just too much of a hard case, too many problems I can't seem to fix. Makes me feel like a total loser. I'm unnattractive even at lower body fat (gotten down to 148 before), people/women dont like me even when I'm positive, really socially awkward/weird, no career, no relationships. I could die right now and no one besides my mom would notice for months lol. I don't remember the last time I got to spend a birthday/holiday with people.

Part of me thinks I maybe should just quit job, sell all my crypto, pay off all debt, leave car to my mom, and go away on a long vacation

 

[Wifty]

Bro it's normal to have bad days or bad moods...

Either you book a session with Andy or you go out in the streets and take the bull by the horns.
When you face your fears and manage to do it regularly you feel like a rockstar.

I understand you feel low now but now you need to get back on track.

I suggested Andy because it worked great for you.

I suggest you take care of your social freedom.

If you feel like it doesn't Land acceptable results it's because you're half assing it and you know it.

Look at Manganiello who completed the AA PROGRAM. See how he feels. Doesn't give a fuck he's on a ride right now. You can too.

I didn't do the AA PROGRAM because I was too critical towards myself and it slowed me down and I couldn't make myself to regularly do it.
So I did my own version going for the shortcuts. It worked. I hit the numbers too. Got momentum, then afterglow, one after the other... All and on.


Don't bother about your work place. I too sometimes don't feel comfortable around people and it's ok.
I guarantee though if you take care of your social freedom you won't care about how you feel in your work place.




What do you want actually ?
You want to look better ?
Have sex ? A girlfriend ?
You want money ?
You want to feel good about yourself ?

Something precisely.

 

[Mav]

I want to be somebody else

 

[Mav]

@Mav

So question for you. Since like i said I really feel we are in similar boats. Do you feel like you just have social anxiety? Or this is about your appearance? Like if you looked different, would you still be socially anxious do you think? Just curious.

With me personally it's both right now. Although my social anxiety is starting to decrease. But I still feel like a hopelessly ugly person. And it is definitely a kick in the nuts in terms of confidence.

The few times also when I do actually look good, I become extremely cocky. My confidence shoots up like 10X. So what are your thoughts on that?

I think looks is a primary source of my social anxiety, along with just so many negative experiences with people... which is partly due to looks. If I was the taller, good looking personal trainer guy I know, I guarantee this wouldnt be as big of an issue for me. Maybe not an issue at all, who knows. That's what I meant by " I want to be somebody else". A mantra here and on Good Looking Loser is to have above average looks. But isn't possible for myself imo.

I hate whining on the internet, I really do. I know it's pathetic

 

[Wifty]

Did you want to be somebody else when you had your girlfriend Who enjoyed spending time with you ?

Or did you feel good about yourself.

 

[play_time_is_over]

Not having friends would make things hard.

As your appearance, experience and confidence grows so will your ability to attract new friend.

You will start getting invited to parties, guys and girls will approach you (in a friendly way). People smile at you more often, it's a nice feeling.

Andy recommends meetup.com for interacting with people, it's a good place to start. This also helped me a lot some years ago.

 

[Wifty]

Yh, you have complexes and insecurities. So what ?!

Accept them, and focus on what you can influence and max these out.

Even smaller guys can get laid like crazy because their height is not defining them, they have other things going on.
Like the Mr juxtaposition article in the gll website if you know this blogpost.

Too, smaller guys, or guys Who look a little different can edge it out through many ways, and that too could be the base onto which they maxed out their sex appeal.

 

[Mav]

Did you want to be somebody else when you had your girlfriend Who enjoyed spending time with you ?

Or did you feel good about yourself.

Yes, I still wanted that then. She didnt really have a lot of great options, she was settling for me.

 

[Mav]

Not having friends would make things hard.

As your appearance, experience and confidence grows so will your ability to attract new friend.

You will start getting invited to parties, guys and girls will approach you (in a friendly way). People smile at you more often, it's a nice feeling.

Andy recommends meetup.com for interacting with people, it's a good place to start. This also helped me a lot some years ago.

I'm 30 and that still hasn't happened. As for meetup, nothing has ever come from it.

 

[Mav]

Yh, you have complexes and insecurities. So what ?!

Accept them, and focus on what you can influence and max these out.

Even smaller guys can get laid like crazy because their height is not defining them, they have other things going on.
Like the Mr juxtaposition article in the gll website if you know this blogpost.

Too, smaller guys, or guys Who look a little different can edge it out through many ways, and that too could be the base onto which they maxed out their sex appeal.

It's a lot more than being short. Losing my hair, face, amongst many other things. Just being short wouldnt be so bad.

 

[Mav]

Yeah, maybe man. I have so many problems, each one feels next to impossible to fix.

Best of luck on your journey bro. Wish you great success.