I, Tom, commit to working on my goals and taking myself seriously.
(I’ve been doing this since I was 16 though.)
Some basic info about me:
- I’m 40
- I’m 5 foot 6
- Born, raised and living in Eastern Europe
Looks:
- I got a 6 pack, I work out 5x / week
- Squat: 1.6 x body-weight, bench-press: 1.4 x bw, deadlift: 2 x bw
- My total testosterone is 441
- Outfit, grooming: in my view, at least OK
Money:
- I'm a Senior Software Engineer (earning in the upper 10% in my country)
- Msc. Electrical Engineering + MA. Economics
- I speak two foreign languages
RP:
- I'm Red Pill aware (read all 5 volumes of the Rational Male)
- Body count: 5 (lifetime total, excluding prostitutes)
Personal life:
- I used to drink and smoke heavily (sober since 2017, quit smoking in 2011)
- I don't think either of my parents loved me (I certainly never loved them)
- I broke almost all ties with my family about 15 years ago
- I have one person in my social circle who is a Blue Pill guy (trying to RP him with moderate success). We meet about once a month - otherwise, I live in total isolation
- Most of the time, I’m in a pretty shitty mood (mainly because of my lack of success with women and to a lesser degree life in general) but I’m not depressed in a clinical sense (I can get out of bed, I keep my apartment clean and tidy, I can do my 9-5, I go to the gym, I’m working on my side hustle, I read a ton etc.)
My story:
My entire life has been about self-improvement since the age of 16. My plan back then was to get myself a university degree, stay in shape and find a cute girl I can marry and have as many kids with as we could financially afford. I thought that having a good job and being in shape was enough to be able to do that.
I was wrong. All my 5 girlfriends that I’ve had so far have been of very low quality (e.g. some were fat, another had disgusting teeth). I have a good understanding of the London Daygame Model. I read/watched books/courses from Alex Forest, Tom Torrero, Nick Krauser and Troy Francis but I have been consuming PUA stuff ever since the time of Mystery. I've been doing daygame since I was 22 and I have approached several hundred women since then. Of all the women I approached, I got two girlfriends (one of those girls’ vagina smelled terrible, the other one was squint-eyed, fat and a virgin at 25). The other 99%+ of women I approached rejected me most of the time politely, sometimes rudely.
I think I have a pretty good understanding of female nature and the world we live in by now. I think, on an intuitive level, I've been having a good understanding of intersexual dynamics from a very young age (way before I came across Rollo's work).
I think I will probably be banned from this forum quickly rather than slowly because it's in the interest of the owners that only the positive posts are shown. I don’t care but it's a shame because - I suspect - the vast majority of guys joining this forum (or other similar communities) will never reach their goals with women (or money) and these are exactly the guys who need the most help but they have no chance of getting the help they need because they have to censor themselves. But negative outcomes can’t be sold, so no wonder that all paid or free communities have a strict no-negativity rule.
A couple of things:
Before you say that "I'm not putting in the hard work", let me tell you that:
- I'm quite obsessed with working out and with meal planning
- I don't watch porn
- I rarely masturbate or go to prostitutes even though I don't have a sex life
- I'm trying to build a side hustle
- I go out regularly to do daygame (despite the fact that 99%+ of the girls reject me)
- I read a ton
- I generally live a disciplined life
To the positivity freaks:
I’m not a black-pill doomer. If anything, I despise those skinny-fat losers who play video games, watch porn all day and complain they can’t get laid. However, I’m not able/willing to brainwash myself to have a high degree of self-confidence/self-love and make myself believe things that are quite obviously untrue. In fact, the reality is that I hate myself. I’m rejected by women even though I’ve been working hard for decades on improving myself and I have achieved things that put me in the upper 20% of men in several respects (high paying job, 6 pack, physical strength). I wouldn’t mind if I was rejected because I was fat. Or because I had a low prestige job. Or because I was a nerd playing video games all day. But I’m none of that. I’m rejected by women after a lifetime of self-improvement. That’s the dictionary definition of a low-value human male. The ultimate test of a man’s worth is how women respond to him. (And yes, I’ve bought and read “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought”.)
My plans for the future:
I’m going to continue with self improvement for the rest of my life. Maybe, the only way to be good enough for the girls one day is to get very rich. Maybe, I need to find truly new and innovative ways to meet women (e.g. setting up a business where I teach something to a predominantly female audience in the form of in person seminars so that the “I’m a teacher, she’s a student” frame will cause vagina tingles). I don’t know. But what I do know is that I ain’t quitting.
I’m always open to suggestions or criticism, so if you have any, don’t hold yourself back. I wish all my fellow self-improvers the best of luck.
