Thrice said:
Congrats on the hair transplant, you are one of the few people i know who said would do it and actually did it! I see you're putting in huge amount of work, can't believe you're not getting attractive girls yet after all you did... It makes me pissed off. The average girl is fucking left and right, all they have to do is just breathe and exist lol
You're building a new man, a man of steel, I'm proud of you
Yo Mohammad. Thanks for checking in. It makes me happy to hear from you.
I hope you are doing well in mind and body, because this is the most important thing in life. To be well and to enjoy your time in this world.
How have you been doing? Last time we talked, I understand you had made some inroads in reconnecting with your family, and also seeking treatment for depression. Perhaps a post in your log would be useful for people like me who have followed your journey. No pressure, I am still happy to hear from you and wish you the best regardless.
There is no use in anger brother. Life is not fair. Some are dealt bad cards, and must play them. Perhaps what makes my story interesting is that I come from a horrible background and had a very, very rough life. Adverse childhood circumstances, the spiral began early. Only through my own fortitude did I survive. In something that started so low, trying to get himself high, there is a glory to be found. I came from hell and was destined to be absolutely fucking nothing. Yet I am here. Not because I have the ability or talent. I don't. I have fuck all and am nothing, apart from one thing: work ethic. I just get up and fight every day, and will fight until my dying breath. I will not go down easy, and life will either have to just become so tired me of that it just gives me what I want, or it will deal with my fury for the rest of my days and I will go to my grave fighting tooth and nail. In that, there is a story, and there is at least some empowerment for other men who can relate to me and my journey. I am moving forward despite the odds, and I am enjoying my life, no matter how negative the past was, or how positive the future may be, I am a humble man in this world who simply wants to make something of himself and become somebody I can look at in the mirror and say, god damn man, I am proud of you.
Quality is what I use to describe a woman I feel attraction for. So far, I have only been able to spend 1 evening with a woman I felt attraction for. The rest, whilst I thoroughly enjoyed being with them, were obese, very overweight, or otherwise quite seriously undesirable women.
Yet they still took the time to be with me, and we enjoyed each other. That my friend is a good thing and we both made our lives better. I can rest easy knowing that I am better for knowing them, and I truly feel they are better for knowing me. I am a man who treats women well, despite what you may read in my low moments, I am still a person with integrity and you will never seen me behaving unethically or in a way I would be ashamed to discuss in public. I can disclose my decisions and actions to people and can say I am pleased with my conduct.
Anger, disappointment, resentment, all of these are useless and will always put you in the dungeon. I have known these feelings for a very long time.
They kept coming up over and over. Until I had a really important insight, which I will have to thank AskTheDom for. This was an important moment in my journey.
NONE OF US OWN THE RESULTS. THE OUTCOMES MAY NOT COME. YOU OWN THE WORK. THAT IS FOR YOU, AND ENTIRELY YOU.
I stopped feeling bad about the outcomes I've received because I realised the outcomes are actually a fleeting thing. We do not own them, they are ethereal. Like the seasons, they come and go. There is no permanence, no solace, no nourishment of the soul to be found in contemplating outcomes and things like quality. Thinking about results full stop. I began to let go and just stop the worry and frustration. Once you have made a commitment, there is no giving up. This is my life now.
There is permanence and solace to be found in DOING THE WORK. In pushing the boulder up the hill. To rise up, in my case from the very sewer of life where no one wants to be, because it is dark and ugly, there are rats down there, there is a certain pride to be felt about the fortitude of the human spirit. To get up from having been in the sewer for so long and to say, I am a person too, I also am in the world, and I also have a chance. No one can take my chance away from me because that was given to me by my creator and no one on this earth can touch that. I am the only one who is able to control that. And I will roll the dice for myself. I am willing to go to the black jack table, sit down with my life savings, and say, yeah I know none of you mother fuckers would bet on a dog like me. FUCK YOU. I will bet the entire house on myself, and I will put in a level of work that is absolutely unimaginable to most. Not because I need the results, my friend. Not at all. But because I need to know when it was my turn in life, when it was my turn to enter the area and raise my sword, I fought with my entire heart, my entire soul and spirit, and if I fail, so be it. My spirit will come back to this world and do it all over again. On the field of battle, it is where there is absolution. 99 men are simply targets, but the 1 is a warrior.....so cast iron in his will, he will bring the entire 100 home victorious. I just need to feel that feeling 1 time in this life and I will be able to live in that moment for the rest of my days, to grow old and no longer able to even move anymore, while knowing deep in my heart, my god I was a motherfuckin badass.
The Phoenix will rise from the ashes....mark my words, what some considered impossible for me will come to fruition. What some people thought was utterly beyond me is going to happen. And what I myself thought was truly humanly impossible for me will take place. This will be a lesson to many who doubt people like me: they do not understand the iron will we have.
KEEP HAMMERING,
MAC