- Joined
- Jan 19, 2021
DATE REPORT: PULLED / MAKEOUT / NO LAY
OK, so rough week of course. Lots of negative events and further compounded by an inability to engage in the actions that maintain order and stability for me. I can't exercise due to HT recovery, and I have been unable to really leave my room for ages. This is a very challenging thing, as when adverse experiences happen and we have adrenaline dumps, I cannot engage in the exercise and physical activity I use to essentially work through that adrenaline and go back to baseline. Hence, I have actually been kinda stuck, couped up in my room for weeks now, just having to ride the wave of quite a few difficult things.
My plate ghosting bothered me a lot. I'll disclose that I did like her a lot and she made a profoundly positive contribution to my life. We have left each other better off, and that will be that. No more of that now.
I woke up twice at 4am heart just pounding. Furthermore, post-surgery, there is a lot of trauma to the body, the 10 days of basically little to no sleep. None of this is good for your psyche and compounding it with a very tough week in the game, I cracked.
Following that really bad date, I came home and I was just floored. I went to sleep it off, but again, woke up at 4am heart just pounding. This is a sign of too much adrenaline in the body and what brings this down is 'using it up' through hard exercise. That's how we're evolved: when fight or flight hits, we're supposed to attack and either survive or be killed. Adrenaline isn't supposed to kee circulating in the system and if it does, the brain detects it and tries to find what the problem is. What is the risk in this situation? Me continuing to go on the downward spiral I found myself in. Hence, I psychologically shattered for a bit.
But through sheer persistence, I was given a bit of a break.
Date on Sunday was awesome. Me and this girl have been bantering back and fourth quite a lot, she's a funny chick and fairly cute too. I'd say about 5.5.
She arrives. I do compliment her right off the bat, which she appreciates. Hug, kiss both cheeks. We have a coffee and hang out. It's a lot of fun.
Vibe was definitely a bit trash my end, I didn't want to be there, I've been navigating a lot of negative emotion, but she is cracking me up. She is super easy to talk to and it's fun.
Leave the cafe, go to the park. It's a very beautiful park which is a good situation for dates.
We have a good time here, and my energy and vibe also kinda improve a little. I am still a little edgy but being outdoors and moving/walking a lot bring some clarity and settle me down a bit.
I pitch a second date idea, a drink in Chelsea. She's down.
I then say we should go to mine for a glass of rose. She says maybe, but I can tell this is actually a yes. My heart was racing when I asked this. Something is not right. I a rusty as FUCK.
Talk more, chill. I then tell her we're going to buy some rose, and she's game. Off we go.
Back to mine. We watch an episode of First Dates and drink rose. She's a big time party gal, she drinks several days a week and goes out partying pretty hard too. She just got back from Ibiza, ffs. We blast through a bottle of rose and start on a bottle of chardonay my friend left from our last party. Damn.
Go to my room, listen to music, and make out. Make outs aren't long and passionate, they're kinda short, 20-30 secs, and she retracts, but she is letting me touch her all over, ass, legs, etc, no probs.
I try to escalate a bit and go for the lay, but she is meeting friends for a meal. Time is against us. I don't manage to make it happen but she gets her phone out and tries to figure out a time for a 2nd date. She suggests Friday day time (lol) so again, I am not sure how I could make that lay happen, but I could do a drink locally and see what I can do.
She leaves, a brief makeout, and we'll see if I get a 2nd date.
I feel fuckin fantastic and the experience is deeply psychologically restorative.
You already know how I feel about this game: I am a big believer in grinding and getting up and doing the work, regardless of how you feel. Even when you feel TERRIBLE, like I did the last 48hrs, you just push and push and take action. Let God sort it out when you're dead. While you're alive, you must work. I think of the times when I was smoked, literally unable to even move sometimes, and I'd haul my ass up and death march my way to cold approach for like 1hr, often not even having the volume to get a single approach in, but it's time on the front lines.
This persistence gets rewarded and you get the reference experinces you need.
Yesterday was AWESOME. She was def. fatter than her pics, she knows her angles well. From front on, she looks like a total doll, pretty face and eyes. Side profile, she is carrying a fair bit of bodyfat and she has that hardcore party animal body. You know what I mean. Drinking like that all the time does the body no favours.
Final thoughts on venting when this game makes you crack:
I believe in community, and I do not like to psychologically shatter like this and then write about it. I feel bad not because it makes me look bad: I don't give a shit about that, I am a humble man simply trying my best to improve my life. I have never said I am anything other than a rank beginner. Making this shit work was such a struggle. I've come a long way and will go all the way if it kills me. You already know I am FUCKED in the head and cannot quit, simply there is no quit in my. This is brutal for my brain and body because I will push myself until it is simply disgusting and a total disgrace, I treat myself in ways in which no human being should be treated. I am a sick fuck and will never stop working until something greater than myself makes me do so. But for the sustainability of positive community spirit, it is not useful to impose negativity. Nonetheless, for whatever reason, venting and writing it up DOES help me. It helps, a lot. I will do more of this but perhaps just in a written document which I can delete after.
WEEK 40 OF THE PHOENIX PROJECT BROS AND WE ARE BACK IN THE GAME: 3 MORE LAYS TO GO AND THEN WE MAKE THIS MONEY
MAC DADDY
OK, so rough week of course. Lots of negative events and further compounded by an inability to engage in the actions that maintain order and stability for me. I can't exercise due to HT recovery, and I have been unable to really leave my room for ages. This is a very challenging thing, as when adverse experiences happen and we have adrenaline dumps, I cannot engage in the exercise and physical activity I use to essentially work through that adrenaline and go back to baseline. Hence, I have actually been kinda stuck, couped up in my room for weeks now, just having to ride the wave of quite a few difficult things.
My plate ghosting bothered me a lot. I'll disclose that I did like her a lot and she made a profoundly positive contribution to my life. We have left each other better off, and that will be that. No more of that now.
I woke up twice at 4am heart just pounding. Furthermore, post-surgery, there is a lot of trauma to the body, the 10 days of basically little to no sleep. None of this is good for your psyche and compounding it with a very tough week in the game, I cracked.
Following that really bad date, I came home and I was just floored. I went to sleep it off, but again, woke up at 4am heart just pounding. This is a sign of too much adrenaline in the body and what brings this down is 'using it up' through hard exercise. That's how we're evolved: when fight or flight hits, we're supposed to attack and either survive or be killed. Adrenaline isn't supposed to kee circulating in the system and if it does, the brain detects it and tries to find what the problem is. What is the risk in this situation? Me continuing to go on the downward spiral I found myself in. Hence, I psychologically shattered for a bit.
But through sheer persistence, I was given a bit of a break.
Date on Sunday was awesome. Me and this girl have been bantering back and fourth quite a lot, she's a funny chick and fairly cute too. I'd say about 5.5.
She arrives. I do compliment her right off the bat, which she appreciates. Hug, kiss both cheeks. We have a coffee and hang out. It's a lot of fun.
Vibe was definitely a bit trash my end, I didn't want to be there, I've been navigating a lot of negative emotion, but she is cracking me up. She is super easy to talk to and it's fun.
Leave the cafe, go to the park. It's a very beautiful park which is a good situation for dates.
We have a good time here, and my energy and vibe also kinda improve a little. I am still a little edgy but being outdoors and moving/walking a lot bring some clarity and settle me down a bit.
I pitch a second date idea, a drink in Chelsea. She's down.
I then say we should go to mine for a glass of rose. She says maybe, but I can tell this is actually a yes. My heart was racing when I asked this. Something is not right. I a rusty as FUCK.
Talk more, chill. I then tell her we're going to buy some rose, and she's game. Off we go.
Back to mine. We watch an episode of First Dates and drink rose. She's a big time party gal, she drinks several days a week and goes out partying pretty hard too. She just got back from Ibiza, ffs. We blast through a bottle of rose and start on a bottle of chardonay my friend left from our last party. Damn.
Go to my room, listen to music, and make out. Make outs aren't long and passionate, they're kinda short, 20-30 secs, and she retracts, but she is letting me touch her all over, ass, legs, etc, no probs.
I try to escalate a bit and go for the lay, but she is meeting friends for a meal. Time is against us. I don't manage to make it happen but she gets her phone out and tries to figure out a time for a 2nd date. She suggests Friday day time (lol) so again, I am not sure how I could make that lay happen, but I could do a drink locally and see what I can do.
She leaves, a brief makeout, and we'll see if I get a 2nd date.
I feel fuckin fantastic and the experience is deeply psychologically restorative.
You already know how I feel about this game: I am a big believer in grinding and getting up and doing the work, regardless of how you feel. Even when you feel TERRIBLE, like I did the last 48hrs, you just push and push and take action. Let God sort it out when you're dead. While you're alive, you must work. I think of the times when I was smoked, literally unable to even move sometimes, and I'd haul my ass up and death march my way to cold approach for like 1hr, often not even having the volume to get a single approach in, but it's time on the front lines.
This persistence gets rewarded and you get the reference experinces you need.
Yesterday was AWESOME. She was def. fatter than her pics, she knows her angles well. From front on, she looks like a total doll, pretty face and eyes. Side profile, she is carrying a fair bit of bodyfat and she has that hardcore party animal body. You know what I mean. Drinking like that all the time does the body no favours.
Final thoughts on venting when this game makes you crack:
I believe in community, and I do not like to psychologically shatter like this and then write about it. I feel bad not because it makes me look bad: I don't give a shit about that, I am a humble man simply trying my best to improve my life. I have never said I am anything other than a rank beginner. Making this shit work was such a struggle. I've come a long way and will go all the way if it kills me. You already know I am FUCKED in the head and cannot quit, simply there is no quit in my. This is brutal for my brain and body because I will push myself until it is simply disgusting and a total disgrace, I treat myself in ways in which no human being should be treated. I am a sick fuck and will never stop working until something greater than myself makes me do so. But for the sustainability of positive community spirit, it is not useful to impose negativity. Nonetheless, for whatever reason, venting and writing it up DOES help me. It helps, a lot. I will do more of this but perhaps just in a written document which I can delete after.
WEEK 40 OF THE PHOENIX PROJECT BROS AND WE ARE BACK IN THE GAME: 3 MORE LAYS TO GO AND THEN WE MAKE THIS MONEY
MAC DADDY
