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colgate - FINALLY!!! i get my first daygame lay!!! after 3 years!!!

AskTheDom said:
There is a bit of "emotion" attached to your post so I won't address that because simply the discussion would bring benefit to no one and we could go on for days here.
lol yeah i started writing the reply and then realized i kind of wanted to write it more to a general audience so i just kept expanding upon it (and maybe also myself in a way)

AskTheDom said:
I simply would have tried my best to reach my genetic limit and then push for roids (which btw I have nothing against TRT)

Your "cheaters never win" argument comes out from an internal belief, as I never mentioned something like this and nor I painted any color to my sentence with that, if you refer to the "you skipped the line" with cheating, read above "I simply would have tried my best to reach my genetic limit and then push for roids (which btw I have nothing against TRT) "
yeah of course i could have tried that. i just wanted to do it faster lol.

i don't have any attachment to finding out what my "natural potential" is or whatever and mostly think it's arbitrary so i personally didn't take that route. (also TRT is lower dose steroids specifically if you had low-T, which i actually don't. my natural pre-roid levels were 611 ng/dL which isn't exactly high but it's not low either. havent gotten my post roids T-levels checked but i'm sure they're well into the thousands which is what they should be!!!!! i dont want average test levels i want elite!!!!!!!).

i now understand after additional clarification that the analogy you made of "skipping the line" and then saying "you had it coming" doesn't refer to "cheating" but rather "not reaching your genetic potential first" (which you did mention in your first post too), but i think i took issue with the "you had it coming" part, so i had to just write a bunch of clarifications on my views wrt the whole "roids are cheating hurr durr" perspective (which you're clarifying you don't have)

i also clarified this in my OP about the problem being irresponsibility and inconsistency and called myself out on it, which is what i would have been expected to been called out for by others too
colgate said:
that i started being irregular with roids and stopped taking them for a few weeks, and i think it crashed my t-levels and motivation. so basically once you get on the roids train you need to stick with it or you're FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!! (to get off roids you have to take things like pct and etc to taper off, but i was just neglecting to take my shots so my levels likely totally crashed).

i took this "faster" path knowing the risks and accepting that it's my responsibility and only my responsibility if negative outcomes do happen, and i will be honest about them and handle the consequences.
FUCK IT!!!!!!!!! TAKE THE PLUNGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so your intentions were probably not "reprimand me for taking roids", but how you worded things like "you had it coming, i'm sorry" made it come off that way, so i felt the need to just elucidate and stomp out any views of others (and potentially myself) regarding roids in general

and i didn't get the purpose of being "reprimanded" for not choosing the "you should have just started reaching your genetic natural potential first and then considered roids" path because if i were to e.g. "neglect properly taking the roids" in the future, i would have run into the same problem again with my T levels crashing.

ok i know you didn't really want me to write a reply to this nor discuss this further i kinda just wrote all of this to explain why i wrote my initial reply to you. ofc no hard feelings and i appreciate the support you gave me in the rest of the comment
AskTheDom said:
For the dating, people think that dating is "one" skill like painting or playing the guitar, while in reality there are many variations like you said, like the confidence isn't confidence built on "i know how to cold approach" but from your life experiences and adventures, your conversation abilities, how masculine you are based on how connected you are with yourself, etcetc.
Looking forward to see the next episode though :)
 
colgate said:
this is my dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to be this guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i want those girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway ramble ramble blah blah

This reminded me of Nash at DaysofGame.com. Have you taken any inspiration from him? In the unlikely event you hadn't found him before, he might be an excellent inspiration for your goal in Japan

colgate said:
and wrt girls
You seem to me like a very math-oriented guy. Not just from this instance, but a few other phrases you've said... reminds me of the botched post I wrote here https://nightrollergame.wordpress.c...igher-risk-for-becoming-players-and-bloggers/ (or maybe I'm just full of confirmation bias).
 
🐶 THE BULLDOG DIGEST 🐶
ISSUE 289 - November 2, 2022

colgate said:
why did you impulsively buy a one way plane ticket to japan???
colgate said:
but colgate, what about the 20 lays???

These are actually two ways to ask the same question.

If I didn't buy this ticket, I would not be still planning on going to Japan right now. It would be a "I'll go there eventually" thing.

And indeed, I have applied to a Japanese language school (for the student visa). I was even told that I'll have a 100% chance of being accepted thanks to Toast. But that would begin in April 2023. It's still Autumn 2022.

I'm going to deep dive into this below, but with the reduced drive I had with dating, and knowing the impending winter dry spell, I had to make a decision regarding how I was going to spend my time.

I had pitched a half-serious offer to Mimbe393939 to meet up in Japan next spring for a month and "have fun", which ended up spiraling into him plowing Japanese study and me realizing for years I've been continually tying up and suffocating the little shiba-inu that is my desire to move to Japan.

That is, I had been trying to come up with every excuse as to why I should not move there.

weasel colgate said:
well the work culture sucks in Japan.
Okay, but there are other ways to make money than sit in an office.

weasel colgate said:
You'll never be accepted as a Japanese person.
Well you're hardly even an American person, you already had a bizarre hyper-religious upbringing by a mostly-single mom and then ejected and dove headfirst straight into Internet culture.

Sure, your outward appearance might fit in...california and seattle...but do you really want to live there???

So with regards to American culture, you're still unaware of the movies, music, and lifestyle most Americans live, and you don't even actually care that much. You'd have to do similar amounts of work trying to catch up with normal people in America.

How about you stop trying to superimpose the experience of random whiny weenies on YouTube complaining.

You spend more time obsessing about Japan to the point that it's been embedded into your life, so why are you supplicating yourself to the theoretical opinions of some people who have done far less than you have in your life and value lame things like "just wanting to be accepted and fitting in".

weasel colgate said:
You need to improve your dating skills in America because it's the "hardest place" and you need to know you didn't just escape America because it was "too hard"
I see my first year of dating as largely "intel-gathering" of the somewhat unique outlier position I was in starting off (which I was basically completely unaware of).

I didn't realize the issues I had up front with dating were even issues and "this process will force you to strip down and confront your issues" as GLL (rip) says.

I think this was more applicable to when I first joined the forums as a total virgin. It's impossible to say and pointless to discuss what the trajectory would have been had I gone to Japan at any point before 2 weeks from now.

But now I've gotten some crazy (for me) experiences and while I'm certainly not "good at dating", my main drive to continue in America has mostly gone.

Up until a few months ago, basically no matter "how hard it got", I was still insecure about "well I'm a complete virgin at age 25", so no matter what I was faced with, I just plowed through.

However, once I finally had sex with girls through both night cold approach and online, that insecurity was pretty much gone.

And the big titty chick story took a pretty big hit on my morale. I had essentially tried to supplicate and gf-mode a chick who wasn't even attractive, through a projection of someone who wasn't even myself, and it ended up backfiring.

Combined with generally having to "drop my standards" while simultaneously being faced with said girls who are giving me a hard time (albeit many of my date issues are me and not the girl), I had to rethink what I was doing. I'm sure my "hatred for what I was doing" was also manifesting itself on dates.

I had lived the first 25 years of my life sexless, so I ended reverting back into that state. It's not that I liked it but it's basically "negative complacency", where you're unhappy with your situation but you are so used to being dissatisfied and out of touch with yourself that you end up staying in that zone for longer than you should be (never).

...

Whereas I'm still enamored by Japan and constantly talk about and look at pictures and videos of Japanese girls, and frankly mostly unenthused and even disgusted with girls around me.

We could "negative forward project" this into "well what if you go to Japan and then have a bunch of negative experiences with Japanese girls and then feel the same way about all girls".

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! This is the exact kind of toxic "logical" thinking that isn't helpful. Should I even glorify this with an answer????

Okay, fine.

1. even if i have negative experiences GIRLS IN JAPAN ARE STILL HOT!!! I did hundreds and hundreds of approaches in California with my lowest stats ever and could persevere because at the end of the day, the girls are my type.
2. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THIS BECOMES TRUE. let's actually take action and see what happens first. TAKE THE PLUNGE. is the alternative any better? not talking to japanese girls??? what the fuck else are you going to do??? and you still have years of self-improvement to go, so even if you get totally abysmal results now, those won't be permanent. it'll only push you to do more self-improvement anyway. and then even if the self-improvement "doesn't work" WHAT OTHER FUCKING ALTERNATIVE DO YOU HAVE???? THE ALTERNATIVE IS TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also the rules to dating in Japan are actually different in many aspects anyway so by "getting good in America" ahead of time, you would still have a lot to learn and a lot to recalibrate anyway.

...

I had also realized Japan isn't actually a huge SMV boost for me anyway. Some of us from the forums had been running experimental bumble profiles in Tokyo and Seoul. Whereas they were getting 30-100 matches a day at times, I was getting 0-3 even with my current pictures (which matches my American results).

So I had essentially been forcing myself to stay in America over a completely incorrect assumption that "Japan would be easy mode therefore I would not have to undergo as much self-improvement"

weasel colgate said:
Your passport is expired, and it's still in process for renewing. You don't want to risk not having your passport before buying. It's best to wait until you have your passport.


https://streamable.com/t2jvf8


if you wanna raw dog life, you gotta WORK LIKE A DOG
https://streamable.com/je7vhw

I had invited my 6'5" plate over around 4 weeks ago.

She brought me shot glasses and coconut rum and we enjoyed some in my bed.

Then we watched some BETplus (BROWN entertainment television..........), had extremely long foreplay.

Finally she's not so sensitive that I can actually put my finger in her without her squirming away.

This time I felt more determined to properly bang her.

I stuck it in, RAW DOG! I grabbed and slapped her ass a few times.

I thought everything might be ok this time.

But I still came within less than a minute.

I was so determined to stay hard and keep going that I didn't pull out. I was like FUCK IT!!!!

But unfortunately I went limp. Also I just busted inside. lol ok

I went to make out with her, but she started pursing her lips shut

are you okay
yeah i'm fine
did you....
nah, you're good

WTF I KEEP DOING THE SAME THING where I lie in the moment because I'm too scared to accept the potential negative consequences of just being like "yeah I came inside" and "screwing up the vibe".

I had talked about this here, even
colgate said:
And in the moment, rather than doing something effective, I wanted to “avoid the potential pain of rejection”.

So I answered in the way that was congruent with "avoiding pain" over TAKING THE PLUNGE. I didn’t TAKE THE PLUNGE here.

What would have been effective would have been being far more direct and blatant.

So obviously, I cerebrally know this is ineffective, but in-the-moment, my visceral reaction is still to give some copout answer, and it's because my tolerance to negative emotions is shockingly low. More on that later.

I chilled out for a minute and then I attempted to put it in again, but I couldn't get hard. However, I was glad she wasn't hyper sensitive to my finger so I started to just fingerbang her.

She was moaning and squealing as I kept varying the rhythm and intensity.

Eventually she convulsed her body tight, so I'll take that as the first time I actually made her come. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's been (way too good) at making me come so it's only fair.

I knew I came inside but I basically blocked out the negative emotions and whatever I thought the repercussions might be and we enjoyed the rest of the night watching BETplus and cuddling and then falling asleep.

We woke up the next morning and had some more foreplay, but strangely I didn't feel like escalating it up to sex.

I took her out to brunch with some live acoustic guitar singer music and then saw her off.

...

Two days later I randomly thought about this again. Now in the comfort of my own room and being alone, I ended up realizing that there's a definite nonzero chance that I could have gotten her pregnant.

AND IT WASN'T EVEN AFTER A 6 HOUR MARATHON AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

For the next few hours, I did the most frenetic cursory internet research on conception, ovulation, emergency contraceptives blah blah blah. I hypothesized many scenarios and calculations, blah blah blah.

Maybe 6-7 hours later, I called my plate finally to tell her the situation. I cashapped her for plan B and told her to take 2 pills due to her size.

She questioned me on why I didn't tell her that I came inside in the moment, and why I wasn't worried all the other times. I told her that I actually did pull out all the other times, but this time I didn't, and for whatever reason I only started thinking about it a few days later.

Also, turns out that the night she came, she had ovulation cramps. Which means coming inside has a 35% chance of conception..............

NOW WE'RE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE

I had to get over various thoughts including
- not being okay with having a discussion about abortion. if a girl wants to abort that's fine, but i would feel fucked up trying to talk to a girl who wants a kid about potentially getting an abortion. also it feels like i'm admitting i'm a biological failure that i can't support a kid right now. eventually i had to get over my ego and accept that this would be a conversation to be had because clearly neither of us are actually ready to raise a child
- i can handle this shit even if she does carry the child to birth!!! my ancestors were fighting bengal tigers impregnating all the brown village ladies with 25 kids and i'm over here whining about potentially getting one girl pregnant??? i can make money!!! i'll fuckin handle it!!! and my child will be some hard mf amazon warrior thanks to my brain and her height and athletics. and then my role will be training my son to become the ruler of the world!!!
- oh fuck wait can i even go to japan now uhhh...well FUCK IT she will raise the kid and then in 4-7 years i'll bring them over to japan after i MONEYMAXX and then he'll just pummel japan

blah blah blah, anyway the thing that finally alleviated the anxiety was the realization that whatever happened, happened, and whatever could have been done to prevent it after the fact was done.

It was pointless trying to think of every possible scenario that could happen and what to do in those situations. At this point we just have to wait 2-3 more weeks for when her period is supposed to come, and then go from there. The outcome is already predetermined and in motion in this case, and all that can be done is wait for the outcome to reveal itself.

So I was able to stop worrying, and moved on with my life.

...

I think conceptually and for longer-term decisions, clearly I'm one to take risks that open doors to my dreams. Like it's obvious that I know chasing "safety" and "avoiding pain and risk" results in mediocrity and becoming stagnant.

I literally made an entire post about that

But in the moment, I default to safety-chasing, weaseling behaviors.

Moving cities on a whim? I'm already there.
Taking steroids? Yep, already shooting myself.
Spending $10k on eye surgery? Ready for the lasers in my eyes, doc.

But pin me with a hard-hitting question I cannot be prepared for in real life? uhhh....uh.........here's the answer i perceive as giving me the least potential immediate blowback regardless of whether it's effective

Even things as simple as working out in the gym, sometimes I will not go to failure or finish the workout because I'm like...well...I don't want to...it might be too much pain...I did enough of a workout anyway

This is the type of behaviors girls see. I can have so many accolades of accomplishments and planned risky decisions that ended up benefitting me, but my visceral behavior in the moment has still not changed. My behavior in the moment is one of someone who has never actually seen the realities of life. Overly positive and spazzy on one end, and mousy and weasely when faced with conflict.

This really bites me in the ass with my ability to commit to most things. If the process becomes too "annoying" or "painful" in the moment, it eats away at even my cerebral desire to accomplish that goal and then I start coming up with reasons why I don't need to accomplish that goal and eventually, fall out.

...

wait, you just rinsed the top windows?
yeah, i mean the pole is all fucked and i couldn't brush it properly and...
dude, you still have to finish the job. ugh i'll just wash these ones and show you

Troy had offered me to be a worker for his new door-to-door window washing business so he could make more sales.

I didn't think much of it and I just thought I was helping a bro out, and he was paying me anyway so I went along with him.

Then we had a job to go to and now he was going to be able to test how many sales he could make while I washed windows.

At the time, the extension pole had a problem where it wouldn't lock when it was extended.

Most of the windows were ground level though, and I had gotten 2 of the roof windows by climbing onto the roof, so it wasn't a huge deal for the most part.

However, there were four other windows which were on the second floor and no roof in front of them to climb on. So those would require the extension pole.

Knowing that the pole was "supposedly fucked", and this being my first time washing windows ever as well, I was able to somewhat try to balance the extension pole a little bit, but I didn't bother trying to brush the windows, and just rinsed them.

Plus, it was already almost dark because I had spent too much time playing with and detangling the hose repeatedly. And this was just a test run anyway, we don't need to take it that seriously.

Troy came back when I was done and I had told him that I didn't brush some of the windows.

Additionally, he inspected some of the windows and saw me wash a couple, and had some comments

did you even wash this window?

did you even put soap on the brush???

you need to actually scrub the window...

Eventually he took the brush and was able to get those top windows I "couldn't get".

Apparently I "didn't even try".

...

Troy tells an anecdote of his military days.

The drill sergeant had ordered someone to do 10 more pullups during an intensive workout.

i'm trying my best sir...
I DON'T WANT YOU TO TRY YOUR BEST, I WANT YOU TO TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!

Nobody cares if you tried. Did you accomplish the task?

That first window washing session made me realize so clearly the laziness I have and how low my own standards are for "sufficient effort".

I've perceived myself to be living at the lowest rung of society my whole life, and even being average is an "accomplishment". So even if I get negative outcomes, I just rationalize it as "well that's normal anyway", and I don't allow myself to feel the negative emotions entailed with failure.

I've lived my life in general in such a way where I can avoid competition and putting high amounts of effort, and if I am forced to, try to find loopholes and "prematurely optimize" my way out of a situation.

This avoidant and weasel behavior has embedded itself at a subconscious level and I wasn't even cognizant of it until this exact moment.

Like I had hints of this avoidant vibe I had with girls, but I didn't realize how deep it's permeated every aspect of my life.

To sum up my vibe, it's hyperactive and spazzy when I'm feeling good, and avoidant and vague when I'm not feeling it. In both regards, I have straight up not "worked enough" and allowed enough negative emotion stimulus to mature my vibe, nor make my visceral reactions to confront potentially negative situations instead of avoid them.

I've noticed how certain successful guys on the forums are able to just put their heads down and execute disciplined hustle until their goal is accomplished, no matter their aptitude, no matter how long it takes.

Mimbe393939 has worked 4 years in construction.

Manganiello builds houses.

MakingAComeback did hard labor at 12 years old.

What have I done? Been inside the house on the computer since I was 4 years old, at most worked a ghetto fast food job for 9 months, go through university and find a job in "plan everything out in advance but execute none of it yourself personally because the computer can do it all for you".

Just look at some of the offices in these fields.
There's a fucking slide in the Google office.
The meeting room is a ball pit in the Facebook office.

I'm incredibly fortunate that I happen to be alive in the one era of society where intellectualizing is somehow valued. If this were any other era, I would have been dead by Bengal tiger mauling at age 8.

I don't want to make this about me "blaming society" blah blah, because really, I would have not even been alive if this were any other time. I'm grateful to even be alive right now and in a position where I can "hit the reset button on my life" and recreate the situations and inputs needed for me to be the man I need to be to get out of purgatory.

But just because I can make money from sitting at a desk hypothesizing, doesn't mean that's what girls actually find attractive. They can read and feel my softness. They know I haven't mentally matured past the age of 7. I've not allowed myself to grow because I either avoided or rationalized myself out of letting the requisite negative emotions affect me and sharpen the inner masculinity waiting to be unsheathed.

I made the jump to quit my job. Put in the two-weeks notice. I mean I would have had to do it anyway considering I'm moving to Japan.

...

This comes back to the 20 lays goal. I had a rough start after the 3 lay week and managed to plate a girl and get a couple handjobs and plenty of makeouts. But past that I repeatedly "felt" like I was going backwards and not making any progress.

So I started rationalizing "well, even though I know if I hustle Tinder for a week, I can get a date, the effort-to-date ratio is way too high, and I still have more self-improvement to do before I can get more bang for my buck (lol)"

And unlike in my daygame cold approach days, I didn't even have the insecurity of "being a total virgin" to push me out of it.

Combined with busting way too quickly with my plate repeatedly, and the experiences I was having with that big titty chick, I kept falling out further and further as my visceral motivations to continue ate away. I would skip out days of hustling on Tinder. I'd skip out on the gym. I'd skip out on roids.

I made a post about my awareness of digital addiction. I ended up further prolonging my slump because I knew how to be the "normal, cool social guy" on the Internet.

For socializing, there's chats and Twitter.
For exploring the world there's Google Maps and watching YouTube videos about other countries.
For thinking and figuring out things, there's spamming chats, and the Internet has advice on everything anyway and it's all correct of course.
For "sex", I can just browse porn and hentai.

And of course it's not the same. But imagine some village child eating bugs and dirt cakes his whole life. You give him a steak and he fucking loves it. And then he's even made aware that there are people who can just eat steak everyday. But you leave. If the negative impetus of eating bugs and dirt cakes is not high enough to push him out of his village, he'll be stuck doing that his whole life.

That's essentially how I have used the Internet to fill certain human needs I have since I was a child, in lieu of being able to fill them with real people. It's not the real thing, but I've lived my life eating bugs and dirt cakes for 25 years, so even presented with steak, I fell back into using the Internet to fill my needs of socializing, exploration, and sex.

I had further justified this by saying the "real version" wasn't even "worth it".

What's the point of continuing here? I just see fat girls everywhere and they aren't even feminine. And people here don't even like the things I like. I don't even care about the reward anymore.

These are the kinds of rationalizations you make that are your make or break moments. Motivation can only take you so far, but do you have the discipline to stubbornly continue anyway?

I didn't.

And previously I had tried to blame my reduced roid dosage resulting in low testosterone, but after talking with Troy about it, I hadn't been off of the steroids long enough for the demotivation effects to kick in. And I did take some shots here and there. So ultimately, that was just an excuse.

What I now see is that I have comfort in the online world. I have a safe space on the Internet.

There have been various times in my life where I wholly rejected my Internet presence (one of them being around the time I just joined the forums). Those are the times I have progressed the most in my life.

I bounced off the Internet in 2016 to make more real life friends in college and study Japanese.

I bounced off the Internet in 2018 to finish my school studies and land a job.

I bounced off the Internet in 2021 to figure out why I was still a virgin at age 25.

Every time, I'll go back to the Internet communities and "check in" with everyone. And in my "worst times" it's a safety net.

The safety net that prevents me from feeling real discontentment that Manganiello has outlined here.

I prevent myself from feeling enough negative emotions and disgust with myself to push me out of the zone of low self-esteem and mediocrity I've lived most of my life in.

This is like a nicotine addiction but even more deadly.

This is the type of thing that will make or break me. This satisfaction with being an "Internet cool guy" will keep me stuck in my room, friendless, muscleless, and sexless.

...

I've known I'm missing what I will call the true "element of rough masculinity" for a while now.

But now I know what fills it, and the experience so many of us techbro nerds and schoolfags miss out on.

This explanation will be a bit obtuse for now, but it's constant negative stimulus from not being up to a high standard that's governed by others, under low-grade physical duress. And the ways to fill that need are mastery in one or more of the following:
- team sports, where the team element is strong (football, basketball, soccer)
- hard labor, especially around other men (construction, farming)
- military bootcamp
- combat sports, and actually sparring with other men (boxing, jiu jitsu, muay thai)

Your own personal standards will be surprisingly low. Even if you say you want to hit the stars, deeply you'll be content with climbing the staircase.

But the experience of someone else setting a standard, and not allowing you to get away with shit until you accomplish work up to that standard is an element of masculinity I've missed in my life. We can call it "discipline".

It's commonly said that discipline, not motivation, is what separates those who are successful and those who are not.

And the experience of being in said environment where you are forced to accomplish grueling work at a high standard translates directly to accomplishing your own goals. Because you can set the goal, and you know there's no "rationalizing yourself out of the goal". There's either you did the goal, or you didn't.

The consequences for not doing a goal set by others are steep, and deeply negative. Social shame, physical shame, loss of the job, being kicked out. This turns into a visceral reaction regarding failure in your own goals.

The intellectual energy you would use to rationalize yourself out of the goal is now used to problem-solve things stopping you from achieving your dreams. And if all else fails, you realize sometimes you need to just keep pushing and you need more effort.

It's raining but you still have to do the window washing job? Okay, put on a leather jacket and sunglasses so you don't get wet and water doesn't constantly get in your eyes.

The window you have to wash is really snugly tucked away with no roof access? Guess you have to extend the pole all the way, brace yourself to lift it off the ground and onto the window, and maintain extra control while washing the window.

The hoses keep getting tangled together, costing you minutes on the job? Okay, before moving the hoses and buckets, hold the hoses together and make sure the hoses won't get trapped onto random objects instead of lazily dragging everything around.

https://streamable.com/dm5sz4

...

My passport had finally arrived the previous night, after a 7 week waiting period.

Troy said we had some pretty easy window washing jobs today.

I try to order some Big Macs in the drive-thru at 8:00am, but they don't serve lunch until noon.

u already orderin big macs man?
well you know, i gotta stock up for work

I got to work washing the windows at the first house and the guy gives us cokes.

The second house was a ranch house with all first-floor windows. The sweet old lady keeps coming out to tell me how I'm doing such a great job and it looks great and hands me a $20 tip.

Troy and I go to eat lunch at a McDonald's. Some random guy next to us overhears us talking about window washing and he brings up how his son made $40,000 over a summer doing door to door landscaping, and gives us some tips.

We wash the windows on a third house and the Mexican lady says the job was done so well that she wants us to wash the windows on her restaurant too.

This is day one of being a normal human being. I'm not a fucking Internet alien anymore. This is what life should be. You do good honest work, and people like it. No intellectualizing, no games, no loopholes. This is how life should be.

View attachment 1


Oh, and that night, your 6'5" girl tells you that she ended up getting her period. A week late, nonetheless.
 
Bulldog,

You may just be the one of the greatest journeys in self improvement I have ever witnessed.

The journey's particularly close to my heart are Andy's Thebastard's, and the one we're reading here now.

Wishing you only success.

Ravi
 
colgate said:
This is day one of being a normal human being. I'm not a fucking Internet alien anymore. This is what life should be. You do good honest work, and people like it. No intellectualizing, no games, no loopholes. This is how life should be.

Very important, insightful and inspiring post.

Thank you, Bulldog
 
colgate said:
🐶 THE BULLDOG DIGEST 🐶


I've known I'm missing what I will call the true "element of rough masculinity" for a while now.

But now I know what fills it, and the experience so many of us techbro nerds and schoolfags miss out on.

This explanation will be a bit obtuse for now, but it's constant negative stimulus from not being up to a high standard that's governed by others, under low-grade physical duress. And the ways to fill that need are mastery in one or more of the following:
- team sports, where the team element is strong (football, basketball, soccer)
- hard labor, especially around other men (construction, farming)
- military bootcamp
- combat sports, and actually sparring with other men (boxing, jiu jitsu, muay thai)

Your own personal standards will be surprisingly low. Even if you say you want to hit the stars, deeply you'll be content with climbing the staircase.

But the experience of someone else setting a standard, and not allowing you to get away with shit until you accomplish work up to that standard is an element of masculinity I've missed in my life. We can call it "discipline".

It's commonly said that discipline, not motivation, is what separates those who are successful and those who are not.

And the experience of being in said environment where you are forced to accomplish grueling work at a high standard translates directly to accomplishing your own goals. Because you can set the goal, and you know there's no "rationalizing yourself out of the goal". There's either you did the goal, or you didn't.

The consequences for not doing a goal set by others are steep, and deeply negative. Social shame, physical shame, loss of the job, being kicked out. This turns into a visceral reaction regarding failure in your own goals.

The intellectual energy you would use to rationalize yourself out of the goal is now used to problem-solve things stopping you from achieving your dreams. And if all else fails, you realize sometimes you need to just keep pushing and you need more effort.

It's raining but you still have to do the window washing job? Okay, put on a leather jacket and sunglasses so you don't get wet and water doesn't constantly get in your eyes.

The window you have to wash is really snugly tucked away with no roof access? Guess you have to extend the pole all the way, brace yourself to lift it off the ground and onto the window, and maintain extra control while washing the window.

The hoses keep getting tangled together, costing you minutes on the job? Okay, before moving the hoses and buckets, hold the hoses together and make sure the hoses won't get trapped onto random objects instead of lazily dragging everything around.

Probably one of my favorite log posts in a long time. "rough masculinity" through these sort of rough, rugged activities/career choices with an environment of total animals, ex convicts, immigrants who work their ass off, MEN. Is never talked about. I'm glad it's been brought up

To see you WILLINGLY, subject yourself to these kind of hard environments will definitely cut the little weasels throat. Many men will never experience this type of tough environment and will remain soft coddled up in their little office pressing buttons getting paid for 8 hours, working for 2-3. Being mindful of what they are saying and passing it through a happy go lucky, normie filter. Having meetings in their fucking google playpen. How gay is that, seriously lol.

This hits close to home, because getting into construction was something that changed my entire life, and the way I interact every day, for my lifetime

Before this construction job, I was not hard working at all, I was just a little fucking weasel greenhorn snot nose kid. Hell my own MOTHER had to apply for jobs for me from how lazy I was, not dedicated at all. Laughable.

There are many lessons to be learned here, and to see that you want to go through that, I commend you for it. These jobs turn boys into MEN.

There are few in this space that are as dedicated/aware as you, I hope you realize that.

I can't wait to see what kind of stuff you get into in Japan, and I wish you nothing but the best in your new adventure that happens this month

Your story, will be one to remember.

がんばって

WORK HARD MOTHERFUCKER.
 
colgate said:
THE BULLDOG DIGEST
ISSUE 289 - November 2, 2022

Mimbe393939 said:
These jobs turn boys into MEN.

Before working with my mind, I worked with my hands. Growing up I worked on construction sites building houses. During college I worked as a roadie setting up concerts and events.

I'm very much for leveraging your mind for great impact and production (and consequently more money). However, I also believe every man would benefit from working manual labor and subjecting themselves to hard things. It can't be understated how much mental fortitude is built when you have busted your ass for 12 hours, its 2am, all you want to do is sleep, but there is still a job to be done. I promise the satisfaction you will feel physically seeing something built in front of your eyes, knowing you and a group of others put their blood, sweat, and tears into this, is a bliss worth feeling.

Most of my work now is knowledge work. However I still periodically subject myself to hard, physical endeavors. For example, I will periodically do volunteer work helping to setup events or some physical labor. I'm always down to help friends move. I do cold showers every morning, lift heavy in the gym, periodically fast and do hot saunas. I, by choice, don't have a car so I pack 2 weeks worth of groceries in a hiking backpack and two 5 gallon jugs of water on the bus and down the street.

I do these things for two reasons:
  1. It gives me confidence and resiliency to do other hard things in my life. For example, is approaching a girl really that scary after you know you put your own self through the ringer that day with a tough workout and 10 min cold shower? Joe Rogan talks a lot about this on his podcast.
  2. It's like an insurance policy that you can adapt to any environment. Let's run a quick thought experiment. Let's say the world goes haywire and the internet goes dark. Previously working in architecture and previously working as a house builder, I have a set of skills that will allow me to still provide value in a community. I can design and build shelter for others. Go back far enough in history and you will see these people called Master Builders and they were highly valued. Now this unlikely to happen. But what could happen is I could quit doing knowledge work, move to a whole new country, and easily find a job because I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves and fully capable of working with my hands.

Don't completely give up the skillset you have built in knowledge work. It's highly valuable. But do relish in this opprituntity to work with your hands. It will serve you well.

Empires were built by men, through mind and body. Learn to master both.
 
Bman said:
I'm very much for leveraging your mind for great impact and production (and consequently more money). However, I also believe every man would benefit from working manual labor and subjecting themselves to hard things. It can't be understated how much mental fortitude is built when you have busted your ass for 12 hours, its 2am, all you want to do is sleep, but there is still a job to be done. I promise the satisfaction you will feel physically seeing something built in front of your eyes, knowing you and a group of others put their blood, sweat, and tears into this, is a bliss worth feeling.

Most of my work now is knowledge work. However I still periodically subject myself to hard, physical endeavors. For example, I will periodically do volunteer work helping to setup events or some physical labor. I'm always down to help friends move. I do cold showers every morning, lift heavy in the gym, periodically fast and do hot saunas. I, by choice, don't have a car so I pack 2 weeks worth of groceries in a hiking backpack and two 5 gallon jugs of water on the bus and down the street.

Bman said:
Don't completely give up the skillset you have built in knowledge work. It's highly valuable. But do relish in this opprituntity to work with your hands. It will serve you well.

This post is great - balance in everything. Physical labour is great but it's hard on the body too, it's important to get those high value skills, I've seen too many late 40's builders/tradesmen with totally fucked bodies.

One of the most pivotal experiences I had was working building dirt roads when I was 16 - backbreaking work in often horrendous conditions carrying rocks around on the side of a mountain, for very little money. Definitely focused the mind on "I need to get skills so I don't have to rely only on my physical abilities". To have the option to do it is great, but when it's all you have it's not.
 
“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”

Godspeed, brother!
 
colgate said:
https://streamable.com/iznllf
スクリーンショット 2022-09-25 19.54.09.png

will explain later (this is a one-way ticket btw)

https://streamable.com/2lby1v

https://streamable.com/ycj0av
credit to Toast for recording
 
colgate, you're a rockstar. Pumped for you. Get after it!
 
https://streamable.com/lm5ky8

ikebukuro station last night



going to start posting japanese logs for language practice too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqJyHu_IuB0
 


I finally did my first approach session here in Japan.

https://streamable.com/nmkhp5

When I initially arrived, I had a huge rush of stress/anxiety that I couldn't put into words. I had no words to turn the anxiety into excuses, it was just a pure chemical rush.

I walked around for a while to figure out a spot to write notes in my phone, but using my phone to type was so annoying, and I just needed to get a bunch of random shit off my chest. So I made a voice note instead.
https://voca.ro/11DpIZdahrFZ

After recording that message, I was able to settle into it, and I started feeling mildly high.

And from the high, I was able to start approaching girls.

https://streamable.com/9yxj6t
https://streamable.com/2wcw1t

I got instantly blown out on probably 80% of the approaches. But girls get approached all the time here in Japan, plus I experienced something similar back in California when I was also approaching all Asian girls.

The funniest convo I had went something like this:
well if you have plans, then let's exchange LINE
oh.....i dont use LINE
what??? everyone uses LINE. now you should too
yeah....but i don't know you...i dont give out my LINE to people i dont know
i dont know you either??? maybe you are a scary person
i'm scary???
yeah i dont know! so thats why i have to find out
hmmmmmmm....but i still dont know you....
here show me your QR code
nooooo...
you can just ignore my messages later if you change your mind
i'll just block you....
wow!!! isn't that a bit strict
but you're a foreigner....
yeah, haven't you ever thought what foreigners are like?
yeah i have....
after this i'm gone, i'm a foreigner and also speak japanese
hmmmm........im gonna go home.....
ok go home

I approached some more girls, and then took a break to buy and smoke some cigarettes.

wtf, this is fucking dumb. why am i smoking cigarettes. im already high from approaching. i hate this. do i want my life to be smoking fucking cigarettes? for this money i could have gotten another bulk meal. but who cares about the money. now i'm going to smell like i smoke cigarettes. and i'm giving myself dopamine for doing nothing but sucking in air. this is fucking stupid. you stupid retarded idiot

I went to the same convenience store where I had just purchased the cigarettes.

hey, i am going to stop smoking cigarettes from now on, so can you please throw this out
(with a slight smile). yes sir.

I heard another female convenience store employee giggle as I walked out. I made a promise to some randos that I will stop smoking cigarettes, so that means I have to stop now.

I also got to talk to some idol looking anime chick for a bit omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is this real???????????????? i'm finally speaking to the anime girls from anime??????????????????? not behind a screen????????????????????????????

I ended up trying to approach around 20 girls in 2-3 hours, though I could have approached way more. I had a bad habit of stalking girls for like 2-3 minutes before just bailing because I was like wtf this is dumb.

Also apparently, it's a thing in Japan to just start talking with a girl that's totally ignoring you and then if you stick it out long enough or say something interesting, she bites and starts engaging. This is completely new to me and I think I had maybe at least 3 or 4 opportunities to do it. It's very high tension for me so I'll just need to get into it.
 
THE KING HAS RETURNED

It is an honour to witness the development of a great man.

You look great, bro, and the work you are doing, the mentoring you're getting, and the grind you will continue to put in WILL bring you what you're looking for.....

Are you going to reach out to the Japanese Game community and get yourself further in?

R
 
I would also like to mark this watershed moment of the forum, and if you'll grant me the honour, give a name to this epochal and seminal moment of the journey of Colgate The King:

The storm had been brewing for some time.......

Now, the tempest has been unleashed.

A new era has begun..........

THE BROWN SHOGUN

KEEP WORKING,
MAC
 
MakingAComeback said:
Are you going to reach out to the Japanese Game community and get yourself further in?
I will at some point, but I want to take action and do research by myself first.

I definitely already am aware of the things I must focus on from America that carried over to here, and I have resources and inroads into figuring out whatever Japan-specific things are necessary.

I also have Toast and another foreigner who lives here whom I plan on meeting with tomorrow evening.

But in general, I think I've been too attached to the validation of specific communities and people I look up to over actually focusing on the things that get me laid.

I know I succeed more when I eliminate distractions from my life, so I've been slowly nipping them one by one.
 
colgate said:
But in general, I think I've been too attached to the validation of specific communities and people I look up to over actually focusing on the things that get me laid.

Sounds very similar to the mindset change I made in my recent post. I like it.
 
Haven't spoken Japanese in ages, but your accent/pronunciation sounds very solid man.

Don't be too hard on yourself, any approaches in a language which isn't your mother tongue are wins in my book.
 
ego and app dating
okay, so immediately when i came here i was like "i will not use dating apps! i want my cold approach lay! and i hate using the apps!"

i had a similar attitude a year ago when i joined, and it basically took me 10 months to get over it.

and then i got laid.

i'll definitely get laid from cold approach here, it's a matter of hustle and effort.

but if my goal is japanese lay, then i need to start using the apps again

plus it'll get me more date experience, which i needed anyway in america, and i definitely need in japan, and which obviously transfers to cold approach

so the only reason not to do it is my overly inflated ego

niggaaaaa u literally hired 2 escorts in june and then got immediately laid from cold approach and apps

FUCK YO EGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIME TO ESTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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