Goals for 2023 - NightRoller's Semiregular Update Log

pancakemouse said:
NightRoller wrote: ↑Tue Oct 11, 2022 4:31 am
[*]Notes: Stayed up super late setting up dating apps and doing reading homework. Running on 2.5 hours of sleep writing this. About to take a nap on 10/10. Not much seems to be coming from the apps, but I've got one potential lead. I worry about being shadowbanned as well.
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You're not shadowbanned. You just have poor photos, as pointed out by me after the last ones you posted.
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I may have poor photos relatively. Perhaps objectively. But the fact remains I was getting more likes and matches on Tinder with those old pictures, about 3-4 weeks ago before I deleted it, than some of those old ones with some new ones (and some old fillers), that being (if memory serves) something on the order of 7-15 likes per week from mostly non-gold/platinum members. Now this week is sitting at about 6, all from the starting 36 hours, which would be ridiculously low for even my starting couple days 3 years ago (when I was a total nerd with the shittiest pictures ever).
And that discrepancy is the reason I'm suspicious. This isn't Miami or California, this is the Midwest in a college town with a glut of nerdy guys and girls who can't take pictures to save their lives, and where very few model-like people exist. On a non-T/B/H app last night I got asked if I was even real (yes, I had a fully filled-out profile... seems everything beyond TBH is pretty much dead/useless in my area, tbh).
Both fortunately and unfortunately, it's not a binary of "getting tons of matches" vs "getting no matches". It'll shift towards the former as long as I go faster than the attractiveness inflation in my area though.

natedawg said:
First off, CONGRATS on approaching even though you were nervous dude! Those little moments build your courage. Pat yourself on the back!

As for the lack of motivation, I'm looking at your goals and wondering if all of these are realistic by 2023? I see you met your approach goal, but not the others. Maybe it's worth revisiiting those and revise them into something smaller?
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Thanks! and I think it's somewhat linked to that. Those goals were somewhat arbitrarily decided before knowing what I'm capable of... and I'm still not sure what I'm capable of. I don't want to reduce them in case I might still make all of them by their respective deadlines, and I'm mostly working towards all of them (except losing weight for abs... that one has been a struggle). But I really need to think (as Andy's YT videos often mention) about what I really want, and delve into the why and the why-why of it. Find what I truly desire, then seek to satisfy that.
 
pancakemouse said:
You're not shadowbanned. You just have poor photos, as pointed out by me after the last ones you posted.
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Update/Correction: I'm not shadowbanned, and all of the photos I have on the app are poor. But more importantly:

View attachment 1

...which means that the $100 I spent on Tinder to get 6 months is 99% down the drain, and I'm also banned from Hinge and several other apps. I guess I was following the Tinder texting guide too closely, or something.

My first instinct is "woe is me! A huge market and avenue for success, ripped out of my hands! Whatever shall I do!" But looking at it logically, I'll follow up with an inquiry as to why my account was banned and to see if I can reverse it.
Truly, I can only think of 3 reasons why they'd ban me:
  • I used some of the same pictures as well as the same phone number as I used before I deleted the apps. It's like they're doing an UNO reverse card on me or something, and they don't like either the pictures or the phone number/email.
  • I used the texting guidelines, varying things up between "hey" and "hi" on openers, and sometimes added more variation, but maybe it wasn't enough.
  • Someone might have just not liked me saying "hey, you're sexy." Or maybe multiple people. I'm not sure what to do about that.

To be sure though, this increases the importance of taking new pictures, if I can't recover this account. Getting a new phone/number will be a pain though if I follow that avenue. I don't have the time to deal with it though. Not this week, not next in all likelihood.
Sounds like my cold approach skills are going to get some further honing, beyond what I anticipated. Those goals won't be quite so far out of reach after all.
 
Two further steps:

1. Match Group have an arbitration process that can be kicked off by sending a letter to their legal department. See more in section 15 of the Terms of Service.

2. There is some evidence that filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau will cause the apps to take a closer look at your case.
 
Update October 10th, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: 11
Only ran on 4 hours of sleep, was hitting up girls like a madman without setting that as a goal, just while going around the day.
Physical activity: Hit run for 25-30 minutes
Calories: 3,602/1650
Weight: 148.2
Notes: Stayed up super late the night before and night after this day. Oh, and got banned on tinder (and Hinge by proxy). Going to take it up with Tinder and/or Match because it's pretty ridiculous, I bought 6-month Platinum only to get shadow banned within the first hour or two and total banned in 3 days. Tinder can't be trusted.
[/quote]
 
It's not a huge deal and not worth the time to pursue. You can buy a burner phone for $30, make free new email addys, then use Starbucks wi-fi to make new accounts they'd never be able to trace.
 
Update October 11th, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Tired as heck; tons of homework. Have texted a few girls, worth a little more than nothing.
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 2577/1650 ❌
Weight: 145.6
Notes: Stayed up late yet again. Need to cull this habit, but swamped in homework and it's hard to just do the bare minimum on assignments to the point I'll actually catch up. But I need to. And I want better/more sleep again.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing


EDIT: Also had an awesome call with RPD. Identified a few of my sticking points and some encouragement. Losing weight is hard. "Embrace the suck." Keep taking action, which is rare for guys my age. And to be patient.
 
NightRoller said:
Update October 11th, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Tired as heck; tons of homework. Have texted a few girls, worth a little more than nothing.
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 2577/1650 ❌
Weight: 145.6
Notes: Stayed up late yet again. Need to cull this habit, but swamped in homework and it's hard to just do the bare minimum on assignments to the point I'll actually catch up. But I need to. And I want better/more sleep again.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing


EDIT: Also had an awesome call with RPD. Identified a few of my sticking points and some encouragement. Losing weight is hard. "Embrace the suck." Keep taking action, which is rare for guys my age. And to be patient.
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These 'ugly' days matter too. Just keep on moving ahead.

As for the weight loss thing, I totally hear you there. I literally have to stay around ~2k to ensure I lose weight. What helps me is eating most of my calories early in the day, so I can taper off in the late afternoon, and be done eating by 7:30pm (my cutoff point). Have you noticed any trends around when you tend to eat the most?
 
Update October 12th, 2022 (Wed)
Approaches: 1 (nightgame) ☑️
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 2175/1650 ❌
Weight: 146.2
Notes: Stayed up late. Had a decent day of work. Pushing to get trained as a bartender.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===================
Replies:

natedawg said:
These 'ugly' days matter too. Just keep on moving ahead.

As for the weight loss thing, I totally hear you there. I literally have to stay around ~2k to ensure I lose weight. What helps me is eating most of my calories early in the day, so I can taper off in the late afternoon, and be done eating by 7:30pm (my cutoff point). Have you noticed any trends around when you tend to eat the most?
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Thanks for the encouragement!
I notice I eat the most in the last third or fourth of the day. I'm unsure about setting a time limit for eating because of my variable daily routine and bedtime, but I agree that if I could enforce it, it would be an excellent idea. As I'm writing this, I just finished a snack of about 600 calories or so, and I ate about 800 since dinner (and dinner set me at just over my daily limit goal). I wish I could tell myself not to eat after a specific time or specific meal, but so far I have had difficulty telling myself "no" or giving myself a hard limit. Because I wake sometime between 8pm and 1am every day, it's hard to say when the last meal of the day will be. Maybe I should make dinner my cutoff though, it sounds like a good idea.

NotChicken said:
what kind of venues are you cold approaching at?
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Usually on campus, or on the streets of my town. Sometimes inside the gym or in a classroom hallway, but usually ouside.
 
Update October 13th, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 1 bubbly girl, at the gym ☑️
Physical activity: Hit the gym ☑️
Calories: 2057/1650 ❌
Weight: 148.0
Notes: Stayed up late using non-mainstream, waste-of-time dating apps that are unlikely to get me much progress

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.
 
Mega Update (compilation of delayed updates):

Update October 14th, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Ran ☑️
Calories: 2597/1650 ❌
Weight: 146.1
Notes: Stayed up late again, until 7:30 am Friday night just trying to finish math homework. I hate arbitrary deadlines and my own recent procrastination.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===

Update October 15th, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: 0, but +1 notch ❌
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 1735/1650 ❌
Weight: 146.8
Notes:
  • Stayed up late again, this time until 8 am.
  • Got a notch from a girl who was significantly fatter than her tinder pictures. I still need the practice and wanted to have fun with the magic wand, and she was dressed sexily, so I brought her up, chatted for 10-20 minutes, asked how long it'd been since she'd last been kissed, teased and riffed and connected over that (can't share how without sharing revealing details), then we started making out.
    • She was a much better kisser than Miss Plump, her lips were plush and she was happy to open her mouth wide and make out. She'd texted me at 2 am after I'd first got her contact in August and she'd been too busy with life stuff to meet up. Must've been super horny, even ordered her own uber here and to get home. Reminds me of what Andy quoted from Mark Manson about "fuck yes or no".
    • But she was a biter-kisser with her upper teeth, and the next day I was sore and raw in the area she'd gnawed my lip. Teeth clicked and clacked. She was super grabby during sex, wanting to be embracing me and making out the whole time. It was kind of funny to me, but I was conflicted between "being the dominant one and not just doing what the girl wants to do" and "doing more of what it seems like she wants".
    • She leaned up several times to kiss me, didn't really enjoy the vibrator much because it got too sensitive for her, but said she wanted me inside her with her body language so I pulled on a condom, asked her to move to doggy, made a false start on her rectum and changed condoms, then we switched back to missionary and I found the right spot. I was worried of losing my erection the whole time, barely avoided going soft when I put the condom on, but once I was inside, it was good. She knew how to clamp and/or angle her chubby body so that I could actually go deep, felt much much better than Miss Plump from a month ago. She said it felt really good with me inside her, and I had a hard time lasting 2.5-5 minutes or so before going. Then some cuddling and talking before she left in her uber, and I didn't get to bed until around 8 am. I slept until about 3:30 pm to get some amount of rest, canceling/postponing a lukewarm date that would take an hour drive to get to and a very-on date that would take 3 hours to get to, one-way.
  • One of the guys from here in a sub-group told me to stop overeating, so I aimed to hit my goal for once. I didn't feel a big need to eat breakfast and mostly kept the meals small in the first half of the day. It was the second half where I lost momentum and ate too much PB2 and nuts and stuff for snacking when I wasn't hungry in the evening. I got close to my goal in the end though. I remembered that I didn't need to eat and could instead have plenty to drink, plus had a bit of wiggle room left after dinner because of eating less in the morning.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.

===

Update October 16th, 2022 (Sun)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Short sprint☑️
Calories: 3806/1650 ❌
  • Ate out with friends, ended up going to Red Lobster and was just around my calorie limit, then accepted an invite for ice cream. This was the "good" ice cream with all the toppings. I realized I barely tasted the ice cream itself, because it was cold, it was more the texture and then the sweetness and savory-fatness of the toppings that made it "tasty" and as a result detrimental even in the small size I ordered (I count it as a win that I did only order the small size, as I was quite tempted to go bigger).
  • Then also ate some PB2 and peanuts when I was back in my room, trying to transition to doing homework but more letting myself watch cartoons, and then eat while watching, instead of getting the stuff to do my work and leaving my room which has all the temptations.
  • I came up with an idea to do a "food survival challenge", wherein I can only eat what's in my fridge right now, what I can buy with my remaining campus cafeteria money (mostly fruit and vegetables to fill in what I'm missing from the other options), what I get from doing work (and the leftovers I sometimes collect there), some of what I have in my closet and shelves (mostly peanuts, dried beans, dried rice, PB2, protein powder, smart pop popcorn, and a couple of bars of 95% dark chocolate), and a half of a pizza I already made plans with a friend to order tomorrow (Tuesday). The idea is to ration what I have and try to survive a certain length of time. I haven't done the math of what I should target for, but I think I could definitely go at least a month. My recent eating plans/diet strategy was to take things day by day, but it didn't push me to look to the future and future consequences. This challenge would correct that. It might be a Totally Stupid Idea, but I'm kind of stoked. Maybe I could make it last until Xmas break. I think I could. I want to.
Weight: 148.4
Notes: Stayed up late, until 3, better than previous days.

Still haven't taken steps to fix the tinder thing.


Going to make a post about what I put my energy, motivation, time, etc. into because right now I think I'm focusing on or allowing things I don't care about so much and I want to explore the problem in a pseudo-journal self-talk setting in a way others might also benefit from. Look forward to it.

Edited my profile image to not be go garish. I'm fat right now. Doesn't mean I have to make it untasteful for everyone who sees my comments.
 
One more small thing:
(Edit: it is no longer a "small" thing)

I found out from my manager that "they're not hiring or training bartenders" right now. He told me in the kind of parental tone that suggests that this is a fact that was "decided" and that I should not inquire about it again.

Naturally, I'll ask about it again. I want to have some concrete goalposts to shoot for that would allow me to start doing bartending training.

Either way, I do need to start putting my "feelers" out to see if anyone else is hiring and what my prospects would be for becoming a bartender elsewhere. It seems my chances are slim here, and I'm not a fan of waiting for the corporate ladder to clear up for me to move up (as some of my coworkers told me to do, as well as not worrying about it so much and building teamwork with the rest of the crew--I won't stop worrying, because I have a goal, I'm driven, and on top of that I'm already working on building teamwork, and this guy criticizes me a lot in a way that makes me feel defensive). I should look around for not only bars, but also restaurants (ideally with cute potential coworkers). Maybe I'll spend some Friday after class literally just spam-approaching a bunch of restaurants that have bars as part of their dining experience and ask about how much they need bartenders/security people/hosts, or anything but kitchen staff, and open up my prospects. One of my greatest levers to getting what I want is my ability to "nope" out and go somewhere with better job prospects, even if it pays less, because that'll help me get my foot in the door faster.
 
Update October 17th, 2022 (Mon)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Ran ☑️
Calories: 1774/1650 ❌
Weight: 145.8
Notes: Set up a "rationing" challenge for myself. How long can I go with just the food I have in my room, without having to go to the store? Quite a while, it seems; by my count, it's something like 85 days, assuming I'm eating a full 3 meals a day.

The overly technical details:
See this post.
My overarching goal here is to lose weight, and help myself focus by seeing it as not just a day-by-day thing. Instead, I want to literally having long-term consequences of overeating in the short term that I can see. So this is somewhat inspired by the fact that in wartime, food and supplies were limited, and partly inspired by my grocery bill being higher than it needs to be.
 
Update October 18th, 2022 (Tue)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 2413/1650 ❌
  • Had planned to get a Papa John's large stuffed-crust pizza with a friend and save half of my half for later, instead I ate the entire half and some mozzarella sticks from Arby's besides. After that I kept myself from snacking, but that meal alone was about 2,000 calories. Was doing good up until that point though.
Weight: 146.5
Notes: Felt super tired and unmotivated, then stayed up late (3:15 am when I have to wake at 8:30) writing posts here. Better than staying up even later by doing video games and youtube though.
 
Update October 19th, 2022 (Wed)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: Run☑️
Calories: 3030/1650 ❌
Was well on track yesterday, then stayed up late with a friend out at a bar and ordered a bunch of food to try out. Just a bunch of junk calories that put me over my daily goal by quite a bit. I used a couple of my "rations" to eat that much, so tonight I'm aiming to just get my free meal and call it good so I don't take from future days. Today (Thursday) I'm eating one "ration" meal split into halves, then have my free meal from work coming up, and no more food to eat today besides that. Anything extra is going to have to be saved for later instead of eaten today.
Weight: 148.1
Notes:
 
3030/1650 ❌
2,323/1650 ❌
Calories: 3,602/1650
Calories: 2577/1650 ❌
Calories: 2175/1650 ❌
Calories: 2057/1650 ❌
Calories: 2597/1650 ❌
Calories: 1774/1650 ❌
Calories: 3030/1650 ❌

Since October 10th, those have been your calories..

Surely, a 俺 can do better.

See you in the language chat :cool:

がんばって。
 
NightRoller said:
Calories: 2413/1650 ❌
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Hey bro,

If you look at the weight loss progress pic linked in my signature, you'll see I have made a lot of progress in this area of my life. I'm still improving, but I feel like I can give you some really solid advice on how to adjust to eating a lower caloric intake.

I used to be a binge eater. I mean, just look at my fucking photos. It was a real problem area in my life.

I still have the binge eating tendencies but I'm able to manage it much better nowadays.

I can see that you seem to be averaging quite a few hundred calories over your daily intake goal.

Trust me, I get it - I used to eat between 1,500 to 2,000 calories over my daily intake EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And no matter how hard I tried, I could not fucking stop.

Every time I would try and lower my intake to maintenance level, I'd always fuck up and eat way over.

Here's a strategy that I employed that worked fucking WONDERS for me.

Baby steps.
I know your current daily goal is 1,650 calories - but you just aren't ready for it.
Challenge yourself to eat no more than 2,200 calories per day for 7 days and see how you go.

You're probably thinking "NAH MAN, FUCK THAT, I NEED TO HARDEN THE FUCK UP AND EAT ONLY 1,650 CALORIES".

Bro, your habits are 2,200+ calorie habits. You probably have so many little habits causing you to eat this many calories that even if you do great one day, there's still 5 more bad habits creeping up the following day. It's a vicious cycle.This explains your pattern of going over for the entire week. Trust me. I do the same thing, I get it.

If you think "Pfft, this advice is stupid. 2,200 calories per day as a goal is too easy".

Fine. THEN SHOW US.

I'm not kidding. If it's "so easy", just SHOW US that you can eat 2,200 calories per day for 7 days in a row.

If you can't, you keep the goal at 2,200 calories a day until you do it for 14 days in a row without any hiccups. THEN, you can conclude that your habits have adjusted to 2,200 calories per day.

And THEN, you can change the next weeks goal to 2,100 calories per day.

You review every 7 days (Monday - Sunday). If you fucked up that week, you keep the following weeks goal at the same amount of calories.

Until you eat within your daily calorie intake goal 14 days in a row comfortably, you DO NOT LOWER YOU INTAKE GOAL.

The idea is that you REVIEW AFTER EVERY SINGLE WEEK. And you be HONEST WITH YOURSELF about HOW HARD IT WAS TO EAT THAT DAILY INTAKE.

If it was EASY, you lower the next weeks goals by 100 calories per day. If it was TOO CHALLENGING, you keep the goal the same for the following week.

You just rinse and repeat this process and eventually, you'll be able to eat 1,650 calories per day for 30 days in a row with much more ease.

I cut down from 3,000 calories per day, to 2,800 per day, then to 2,600.

Then, 2,500 which I kept getting stuck on.

Eventually I mastered it, then I dropped it to 2,400 calories.

This process fucking WORKS.

*** I just want to mention that, whilst you might be able to eat 1,650 calories for 4 days in a row, it doesn't mean you have ADDRESSED AND CHANGED THE BAD HABITS.

Where as if you can do it for 14 days in a row, it means you can comfortably move onto the next phase of reducing your calories BECAUSE YOU HAVE FORMED BETTER HABITS.

Hope this helps.
 
https://paleoleap.com/n-acetylcysteine-a-supplement-for-food-cravings/

You might look at N-acetylcysteine for reducing your desire to eat. I was doing some research on this recently for some sinus issues I've been having due to Long COVID, and a lot of people on reddit are reporting success mitigating their various addictions with it.
 
Agree'd with ImChuckBass, your deficit is too big. I know you dont wanna hear this advice b/c u wanna lose weight as fast as possible, but a large deficit only works if you can stick to it. There's also absolutely no rush to lose weight. I made the same mistake before, ignored everyone's advice who told me to slow down, and got stuck. It wasn't until I changed my deficit to something more sustainable that I started losing weight again.

One more thing, why are you trying to lose weight? I don't know how tall you are but you look hella skinny in your pictures, and I'm not sure if losing a couple more lbs is gonna do much for you. You might wanna consider shifting gears and going on a bulk instead.
 
Update October 20th, 2022 (Thur)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Physical activity: None ❌☑️
Calories: 2264/1650 ❌
Ate a bunch at work; was doing excellent before going to work, but then ended up eating another meal's worth of calories in fries and stuff. Not to mention that I ordered a whole pizza for my "free" meal, and ate half of it, instead of a healthier, more filling and less caloric option.
Weight: 148.3
Notes:

Update October 21, 2022 (Fri)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Half-did some not-really-approaches, like throwing out compliments and starting platonic conversations with a few girls throughout the day to feel like "I'm trying" even when I don't have time or energy to properly try.
Physical activity: Ran ☑️
Calories: 1380/1650 ☑️
Started this day with a limited number of "rations" left because I'd used more than 3/day in previous days. Was doing superb up until around 7, during a community event where food was offered I opted to "help clean up" some of the cookies, pretzels, goldfish, etc. instead of ignoring them. I took it out from my ration cards. That left me down to 1/2 a meal's ration plus my "free" meal from work, according to my challenge. The only reason I didn't go over calories is because I filled up so much on low-calorie high-volume foods like egg-white-only french toast, which fills me up quite well for its calories.
Weight: 148.3
Notes:

Update October 22, 2022 (Sat)
Approaches: 0 ❌
Literally seeing times where I could go approach, but care too little about it to do so. Feels like it's the opposite of my priority, life and homework have hit me like a truck these past few weeks.
Physical activity: None ❌
Calories: 1310/1650 ☑️
With half a ration, made an omlette of egg whites with some vegetables that felt like a lot more than its calories said it was. Carried me over to the meal during work, where I ate a salad and chicken breast; then, while I kept from eating any fries, I did eat some hamburger and bacon that was extra, which puts me at -1 rations left this week. I think this system is helping me to plan things out better, but it's not impervious.
Weight: 145.9
Notes:
  • Put in my two week notice at my job. They don't want to give me a shot at being a bartender, and recently the job's just been sabotaging my time and energy (and sleep schedule, grades, club activity participation, approach motivation, DIET, gym habit, and more I'm too tired to remember) without helping me towards the 1 main goal I decided to work in the first place for. The bartenders there all told me it's a terrible place to bartend anyway, so I'm getting out of dodge.
  • I came across an idea on Youtube that blew my mind by the fact I hadn't considered it before: planning my meals in advance, for the next few days or week or so (I would make it based on what's likely to spoil soon, according to the inventory of food I made). That could reduce a lot of the difficulty I have with continuing to eat. Also requiring that I enter the calories into MyFitnessPal BEFORE eating any of the meal could help deter me from making the kind of binge-eating decisions that wreck my progress.
 
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