Manganiello said:
Congrats on the retention bro!
Manganiello said:
- I think the issue is that she has a really cute face. Like it's one of those faces, and her makeup makes me just want to fuck her face all day lol. But... She's overweight. She's lost 30 lbs, but has another 30 lbs to go. So as much as I like getting a BJ, and making out with her we we bang. Whenever we're out I can't help but think. Do I really want to be with this girl?
Then don't commit to her. If you do, you will hate almost every second of it, it will make you feel like you are suffocating.
Manganiello said:
I am trying to improve retention. So maybe I just play off being a boyfriend and still see other girls and whatever happens, happens
I think this won't help you in the long term. You will have to learn sell the non-monogamous thing to the women you are with if you want a long-term exciting sex life and not just short phases. So this is a good practice ground to fiend off relationship advances.
Manganiello said:
- AND I think what makes all of this more complicated is she wants to see me every night it seems. I do not feel that way about her.
- I'm so new to this so I don't really know how to say "Look I'm not really into you that much rn." Without completely shutting her down.
This is obvious and I hope you know this article, but I'll post it just in case. It says meet once every 7 to twice every 10 days. Also the communication part cannot be stressed enough. LIMIT CONTACT.
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/get-laid/retention-fuck-buddies
If you are at the point where
- you have clearly communicated that you don't want something exclusive
- and she says something like that she cannot do this casually because she has too many feelings for you in a way that suggest she might break it off
-> then you can even openly suggest that the two of you could for now limit yourself to seeing each other once a week because (say all of this explicitly) this prevents you from falling for each other too hard too quickly. This way you and her can handle your emotions better and keep going.
Do the same for limited communication as in the article.
In my opinion there is two types of girls:
1. the ones that are legit OK with having something casual
2. the ones that aren't legit OK with having something casual
For #1 girls my advice is the:
- Be open about your motivations. Explain to her why you would like to have the option to see other girls. More girls understand this than you would imagine.
- Ask her what aspect of it makes her feel bad. She will likely tell you it makes her feel insufficient, like she is not enough. Tell her that this does not mean that she is insufficient, that you generally would not enter a monogamous relationship, that you are generally an explorative person who needs variety.
For #2 girls my advice is:
- Play for time. These girls are usually still OK with sticking around for a while. Use the deferral tactics in Chris' article.
- Another great one is this: Tell her that you do not want to jump into relationships too quickly. You want to make sure that whoever you enter a relationship is a good fit and that this is something that takes time. That it is only possible to get to know someone once you have lived through some things over a span of time. That's why you have made the rule for yourself that you do not want to get into a closed relationship before getting to know someone for six months.
I don't know what type of girl yours is, you can probably judge this best. But it sounds to me that she might be a #2 girl.
There is another variation in what girls look for in casual/open relationships. They might want to be your main girl.
- This is something I am dealing with right now. They don't care so much about you having a ONS occasionally, but they do mind if you see a girl repeatedly. It makes them feel insecure about "where they stand".
- My theory is that this occurs with insecure girls that imagine your other fuckbuddies as better-looking than themselves. On top, she thinks you are too much of a player or too good to settle for her monogamously so instead this is her way of claiming you for herself.
- I'm not sure yet how this will pan out I have only tried it once just this week: Give her a rationale as why you want to see other girls repeatedly even though for her having a ONS with other guys is completely sufficient to fulfill all her desires. The rationale is that men and women are wired differently because of evolution. Women can only bear one child so the strategy is to get optimal genes. That's why they are content with being in a relationship but they have the desire for a quick bang with a super hot guy every once in a while. That way they have a carer for their child but the best available genes. For men however, there is no such limit on bearing one child. The desire that biology hardwired into their brains is that they want to have kids with as many attractive women as they can. Explain to her that this difference makes it hard to understand how she can matter a lot to you but you still have the desire to meet other women more than once.
- of course don't do this if she is a dogmatic lefty or SJW. The girl I'm banging votes for the Green party but is not so deep into the SJW theories so common sense resonated with her
Bonus advice:
You should do any relationship-status talk in person, not via text or phone. Texting/calling are inferior means of communication. Sensitive issues like this can lead to unfortunate miscommunications that derail fwb-settings in situations where it wouldn't be necessary. It's especially important to be able to get the full nuance in the counterparts communication in this case.
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