Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 25: 04/11/2021

Very productive day today Really happy with what I've managed to get achieved

I'm also in quite a good mood due to the good news yesterday regarding getting a job. I was in need of some good news as it's been a rough couple of days here with various family things going on, so I'm trying to keep going and remain motivated 🏞 It's helping keep my mind off things:

- Had coffee and contemplation this morning in my garden. The fresh cold winter air was a sobering experience which helped to clear my head and left me feeling refreshed. I should do this more often ️

- Changed my daily schedule plan to reflect my new working week. It was good to have some clarity on this as I wasn't sure what my schedule would be like when I got into a job, so it was a bit of a nightmare to plan. I'm going to be working 9-5, so I have planned when I will go to the Gym and work on my other goals around this

- I have text messaged the Jiu-Jitsu club as I didn't get an e-mail reply after a couple of days and this is something I said I'd do if I didn't hear anything. This log is really helping me keep myself accountable. My old trainer text back pretty much straight away and informed me that I was more than welcome to come back and start training as there are spaces for new students. I have arranged my first session back for next week on Wednesday Night. Really happy to get the ball rolling on this as I don't have many hobbies/external activities involving other people since COVID hit. I had trained previously before the Lockdowns, but had to leave it for a while due to shielding and bullshit COVID Lockdowns

- I have set up a date for Sunday. Originally I had planned to set up 1 date a week if possible but with a baseline goal of 1 date every 2 weeks. Unfortunately I've been dealing with a lot of ghosts and flakes lately which is just the way things go with Tinder etc. so I'm trying not to be too pissed off about it and just seeing it for what it is

This chick I'm meeting Sunday seems really cool and when she couldn't meet due to work, she suggested another day. She texts me first some nights after work as well. We have the back and forth briefly over text and the other night we had quite a deep conversation about things. Gonna call her Guitar Chick as she plays guitar (duh!). She's got short blonde hair and rocks the alternate look very well which is something I've found myself strangely getting attracted to recently. I'll buy her a coffee, chill with her for an hour and see how it plays out.
️

- I'm still chatting to Vegan Vixen intermittently although she says she can't meet until the 12th and only texts me when she's horny, so I'm not biting and telling her she needs to wait until the 12th. It's working well and keeping her interested for the time being - I'm a cruel bastard sometimes, but I know if I sext and help get her off, the shitty excuse for flaking will come on or just before the 12th. Think I'm really starting to learn from my past mistakes and I'm actively applying the lessons

There are a few other prospects I'm chatting to, but nothing solid yet. Will update on here if there is anything of any significance. The main thing is I'm actively trying and haven't just given up on the dating completely like I'd originally planned to do

- Watched Andy's Podcast Episode #28: A Coaching Call (Posted with Permission) on YouTube. Started listening to this on my phone whilst doing chores, but because there was some really good content I stopped and wanted to wait until now when I had a free 2 hours so I could make notes. Really good content here

From the podcast, I am going to ask myself first thing tomorrow morning in the mirror:

What can I do today to make myself feel satisfied?

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #29: Is Being Short a Dealbreaker for Girls? I'm 5'10 and I listened to this episode last year and as a result, bought some height-increasing shoes. I did try the cheaper insoles first, but these just hurt my feet so I invested in a comfy pair. These give me 2.5 inches and put me at about 6 and a half feet, so I just put 6'1 on Tinder and my other online dating profiles. I have worn these on a few dates now and never been called out on my height. If a girl is bothered about a half-inch discrepancy, then she's probably not the type of girl I want anything to do with. These have been a game-changer and I think it's just a mental thing that girl's have - they see 6 foot + on Tinder and it's an attention-grabber. Not how it should be, but it is what it is

- I have designed and put together a budgeting spreadsheet. I am soon to start making money with my new job and I saving up is one of my sub-goals so I can get my own place eventually. I shall start recording my earnings in January 2022, but I have started working on the design of the spreadsheet and Excel formulas now

That's it for today. I'm gonna try and have a productive day tomorrow again. Will try listen to some more podcasts etc. Whilst I'm doing jobs around the house and see what else I can work on.

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Jacobpalmer123]

I love BJJ as well. Good luck doing it 3 hours a day. You're gonna need an insane work capacity. I like the dedication though 5:30 in the morning Jesus. Look forward to seeing your progress

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

I love BJJ as well. Good luck doing it 3 hours a day. You're gonna need an insane work capacity. I like the dedication though 5:30 in the morning Jesus. Look forward to seeing your progress

Jacobpalmer123 Hey thanks man. I started listening to the Jocko Podcast and that got me interested in it and I started getting into it a while back but then lockdowns hit.

I've bought a Sunrise alarm today to help me wake up and get going which I'll post about soon in my daily update - it'll help with those early morning starts I think.

I used to go to the Gym at 5:30 most mornings before Lockdown, so it's not completely foreign territory but it has been a while. May be something I'll have to work up to, but I'll keep going and see how I get on!

Thanks for the support

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 26: 05/11/2021

It's Bonfire Night here in the U.K, so Happy bonfire Night!

Made some big decisions today regarding my self-improvement journey which I thought I'd detail here

The first big decision I have made is to Get Politics Out of My Life. 🗳

I have come to the realisation that following politics is impeding me on my self-improvement journey as well as putting me on a bit of a downer. It has totally infected every layer of society and modern culture from what I can see. I'm now starting to adopt this mindset of:

'Why should I give a Fuck?'

Instead of being bothered about stuff that doesn't really affect me, I have realised that I should just live my life, focus on improving it and let other people get on with it

To take action on this, I have:

- Decided to stop watching T.V. All the news channels are political, the T.V shows aren't even hiding their agendas anymore as well as the fact I find it all depressing as Hell. I'm only going to watch the occasional anime show now as you don't get the politics and constant agenda-pushing - you just get a good story. If I come downstairs and the T.V is on, I'll move to another room and read a book. Can't be bothered with the COVID scaremongering and bullshit that is constantly being churned out and fed

- Muted the WhatsApp Group I am in from University where Politics is the main focus. I'll end up leaving this at some point and will only check it occasionally

- I have blocked Twitter on my phone as I used to follow a lot of political accounts on there

- Unsubscribed from the political YouTube channels I was subscribed to ️

- Probably not going to Vote. If I do vote, it will be a protest vote where I'll write 'None of the above' on the form 🗳

So that's it for me. I am now apolitical. I'm just going to live my life and let others get on with it. I quite like Andy's Libertarian views, so this is something I may look into as time goes on

Second big decision I made today was to invest some money into my self-improvement

Today I withdrew 500 Bucks out of my savings account which I am going to invest in my self-improvement. I have already used some of this money and bought a few things today. As I am going to be starting work on the 15th, I feel a bit more confident about spending a bit as I will soon be getting my first paycheck.

The 500 Bucks from my savings will be used on the following:

- A Phillips Sunrise alarm - I have bought this and it will be coming tomorrow. I keep waking up late, hating myself and I feel groggy and awful all day. My sleep pattern is terrible and has been for a very long time due to past trauma. Instead of complaining and feeling miserable, I have committed to fixing my sleep and spent 150 Bucks on a Phillips Sunrise Alarm after reading Andy's article on fixing sleep. I do have alarms currently, but I just get up and switch them off. Lol

- New Hoodie - I have bought this. As winter is now here, I'm gradually improving my fashion/style for when I go on dates. I bought a Lumberjack jacket the other day which is quite stylish and I posted a photo of it on here. This is something I shall slowly build upon over the next few weeks

- Pair of decent dress shoes - I have bought these. I needed some for work and the cheap pair I have had for a while I got in a supermarket and they are uncomfortable as hell to put it mildly

- First month's Jiu-Jitsu Fees. I'm going back next week and will use part of the money to pay my first month's fees

- Bulking food - need a bit of money to fund my first couple of shopping trips to buy the weight-gaining food

If there's anything left over from after this, I'll get myself another Manga book or put it towards Christmas presents for my family and friends

Today I have also:

- Had coffee and contemplation in my garden ️

- Washed and organised my outfit ready for my date with Guitar Girl on Sunday 🗓

- Bought a custom-made iron on patch for a backpack project I have been working on and I am going to carry on with. Something I've been working on which is a positive activity. Might post a photo of it on here when it's done

- Listened to Episode #30 of Andy's podcast: Success Story: Radical. Some really good content here and good to see a fellow Brit on the forums! Radical Your self-improvement story was really inspiring. Big takeaway for me is to not sit on the forums all day and procrastinate - action is key. I have now hit a Podcast Milestone of 30 Podcasts

That's it for today. Some big key decisions made and I was quite productive too.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Radical]

Get Politics Out of My Life

Mate you have no idea how big of an affect this has

Thanks for the kind words about the pod. I didnt make content back then so was kind of weird being interviewed for the first time

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Get Politics Out of My Life

Mate you have no idea how big of an affect this has

Thanks for the kind words about the pod. I didnt make content back then so was kind of weird being interviewed for the first time

Hey Radical

It just hit me today and I realised how much time I spend being bothered by politics and all the bullshit that comes with it and how there's a hundred better ways to spend that time.

I'm glad I've started to detox from it and focus on myself instead of sitting there depressed watching about it on some screen - it's exhausting and mentally draining.

I think you did really well and I've just subscribed to your YouTube channel - will definitely be checking out more of you content in the near future :arrow_up:

Thanks again

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 27: 06/11/2021

Day 27 - Almost up to a full month of Progress Log updates!

Today I have focused on fixing my sleep hygiene. This is something that has gone on for too long and I have been very lazy with

After reading Andy's KYIL Extra article on how to get a better night's sleep as well as Jocko Willink's book which has a full section dedicated to sleep and why it is so important, I have decided to finally do something to fix my bad sleeping pattern and habits

- The Sunrise Alarm I splashed out on came today - I have set this up now to help me wake up earlier and easier. It has been set for 04:45 - getting up early and being more productive was on my list and will help me achieve my goals when I get in the Gym before it gets busy

- I have set up a 'backup' alarm so that if for some reason the Sunrise Alarm does not go off or get me up, I have a backup in place. This one is set up further away from my bed so I have to physically get up to switch it off

- I find that I am up late due to Fucking around on my phone in bed and suffering from the 'blue screen' effect. I have now set up a wireless charging mat away from my bed. The phone will go on there a couple hours before I sleep and not get touched again until when I wake up next. Anything after 8 P.M and I'm not interested. It can wait until the next day. Most the text messages I receive after 7 P.M is pointless bullshit I don't care about anyway. If it's work-related, they shouldn't be contacting me that late anyway

- I haven't had any caffeine since before midday - Andy's article mentioned about this disrupting sleep ️

- No screens after 9 P.M. Hence why I'm writing this now at just gone 7 P.M - I'll read my Manga instead

Hopefully this'll help me sleep and stop me getting up at 9 A.M where most the morning is gone and I find I'm less productive

Today I have also:

- Had coffee and contemplation this morning again in my garden ️

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #31: "I Can't Do Anything During COVID Lockdowns'. Although no longer in Lockdown, this was good to listen to because of the excuses I sometimes tell myself. I got a lot out of this one considering it may no longer be relevant if there are no further Lockdowns

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #32: Talk About what You HAVE Done and Not What You WILL Do. Totally agree with this one. There is a dopamine hit when you talk about what you're going to do. It is why I mostly post at the end of the day now and include on my Progress Logs what I have done for that day. I may occasionally discuss future plans, but not as often as discussing what I have done

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #33: Why Insecurity & Impatience are Actually Superpowers! This was another useful episode as I myself am insecure about quite a few things. I liked the bit about being more self-aware and how I should just use this to push through and propel myself to reach my goals

- Went for a walk to the shop

- Got some shoe polish for my new shoes - I want to look presentable when I start my new job

- Got my clothes ironed and ready for my date with Guitar Girl tomorrow

- Read some more of my Berserk Manga

That's it for today. Mostly focused on my Sleep Hygiene plan, but this was necessary as I've been putting this off for far too long

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 28: 07/11/2021

- Woke up at 04:45 this morning to the new sunrise alarm I bought. Despite not dropping off until the early hours, I woke up feeling refreshed and not hating the world like usual. This was the first time in months that I have woken up feeling good. I can see why this thing costs a fair bit and Andy swears by it.

Thanks KillYourInnerLoser for the recommendation - most painless wake up I've had in months. I'm starting to see it was money well spent from just the first use

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #34: My Most Cringeworthy Story. This was a really interesting story to hear - I've been in similar situations where short of actually saying it, girls have been giving me obvious 'Shut up and Fuck me' vibes and I did absolutely nothing. I think partly this is societal conditioning and self-doubt on my part as when these situations have occurred, the thoughts in my head have been:

'She's just being nice and making conversation. You can't ask for her number - that's harassment, you pervert'

'She can dance with you provocatively - that's just how girls are these days. It doesn't mean anything - it's because we don't live in the 1950's anymore and things aren't ultra-conservative. It doesn't mean anything so don't try and kiss her, she might be offended...'

'Why would she want to be with a guy like you? There's way better prospects out there for her...'

There has also been in the past a fear that I could get '#MeToo'd', although I've realised that I shouldn't let this hold me back in dating/sex as I'm a decent guy who's never pushed it if it's obvious the girl ain't interested.

Instead like a dumbass, in the past I've chased the girls who aren't interested in dating and they have made trying to date them an uphill struggle. Really reassuring to hear I'm not the only one guilty of this and I'm really pleased that I've learnt from my past.

I've also experienced the flip side of this where on more times that should have happened, girls have gotten into my bed etc. but haven't let me do anything - I've often misinterpreted this as a lack of interest, but really it's just because it's too soon for them. I now don't do this unless sex is taking place as I think this is dangerous behaviour which I cannot in good conscience encourage - the next guy they get into bed with in only their underwear and 'just want to cuddle' might not stop when they ask him to.

This is one of my solid dating rules I promised myself I would stick to, so I do not do this.

I also think there is a bigger risk of leaving yourself open to rape and sexual abuse allegations in these situations. Appreciate there may be differing thoughts on this, but this is just how I feel and me personally, I don't want to take the risk.

I will only 'just cuddle' with a girl I've dated and had sex with a few times - there has been times in the past where I've dated these girls and they've been upset/having a bad week/on their period and I've gone round and we've just cuddled so I can help them through a tough time.

These previous situations have caused me to have self-doubt and reinforced the thoughts described above when I have been with other girls. When this has happened, I have got pissed off, moped around for half hour and then left the girl's place. What I should have done which I now do after learning from Andy and others is: I play it cool after trying to escalate a couple of times if it becomes clear that the girl doesn't want anything then I'll delta outta there.

 

[Dewm]

Day 22: 01/11/2021

Some good news today - the job interview I wasn't expecting to pass? I passed it and have now progressed through to the next stage which is a face-to face interview. I was quite surprised at this as I didn't think I would pass it, but I have managed to get this far which I'm quite pleased about. Interview is Wednesday, so will update more once I have attended it

I also cancelled on a date due to sticking to my principles. Set up a date for Wednesday evening - got this chick's number and I suggested coffee, but she wanted me to buy her dinner. She was sending provocative photos and strongly suggesting I'd come back to hers after. I booked a table and told her I'd booked it, but I instantly realised I shouldn't have

She changed after I told her that I'd booked it and the conversation turned less sexual/provocative from her and she was less engaging. All of a sudden it was 'I actually don't let guys come back to mine after a first date...' This was a quick 180 from what how she was previously

Quickly realised from my past experiences this girl was probably after a Free Meal and was probably going to take me for a ride:

I'd have to travel there, pay for everything, travel back and probably spend about 80 bucks in the process.

I cancelled the table and told her I wouldn't be meeting her as we're both looking for different things and that I usually only do coffee as a first date ️

Why the Fuck would I pay for an expensive meal on the first date?

Of course I was a 'Liar' and had 'Misled her' etc. etc. and she was pretty pissed off. I just replied:

'I'm not arguing with you. Good luck with everything '

To which she was blocked and unmatched on Bumble

Lesson here is: No meals on first dates. I'll stick to coffee now on and if that's not call, they can find someone else to buy them dinner

Also today I have:

- E-mailed regarding the interview and asked if I can be given a run-down of the structure/questions that may be asked to assist in my preparation

- Started No-Nut November

- Ironed my interview clothes

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #27: Fitness and YouTube with Guest Tristan Nigro. Really good tips about the Gym. I'd planned to go back 6 times a week, but will probably aim for 3 times a week now to build the habit. Also subscribed to Tristan's YouTube channel. Happy to help the channel grow and the content is quite interesting 🎙

- Tried to buy 20 Tinder Boosts on the Web app due to it being cheaper. Wanting to commit more to my online dating, but Tinder is pretty shit for me for some reason and won't let me buy them. Have e-mailed Tinder Support to see if this can be resolved. Have to bite the bullet if not and buy them for the higher price through the app. Pain in the ass, but it is what it is ️

- Did some more work on my diet plan - took of a few things which I'd have to cook and replaced them with easier to prepare meals that require no cooking. Less effort I have to make with this the more likely I'll be to stick with it. Don't want to be stuck in the kitchen all day

- Will try and go for a drive later to keep hitting this and work on my road confidence. I will post a photo if I do this later for self-accountability 🛣 Edit: Went out and the car is frosted over, so leaving this one for tonight.

That's pretty much it for today. Got a few things done here and there, but have felt a bit down. I am at a funeral tomorrow, so this could offer something in the way of an explanation. I may only do a brief post tomorrow, even if just a sentence to keep up with the 365 Day Project as I'm probably not gonna be feeling too positive 🗓

The post will suck, but Giving Yourself Permission to Suck is a philosophy I am now trying to actively embrace

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

Good call my man. It's all about recognizing those red flags and taking the baby steps to self correct your behavior. Hell man, I still fuck up. A few months ago before I returned to the forum I matched with a "girl" on reddit who said she would suck my dick for pizza. I send her $25 on uber eats then I say "ok Im off work, where's your hotel?" and she ghosts me. I'm always the same man making the same mistakes. It's a grand difference from being catfished out of $25 and having my life gone nuclear where my girlfriend; lied, cheated, and stole from me leading me to live in my car for a year and a half.
Baby steps.

I'm still chatting to Vegan Vixen intermittently although she says she can't meet until the 12th and only texts me when she's horny, so I'm not biting and telling her she needs to wait until the 12th. It's working well and keeping her interested for the time being - I'm a cruel bastard sometimes, but I know if I sext and help get her off, the shitty excuse for flaking will come on or just before the 12th. Think I'm really starting to learn from my past mistakes and I'm actively applying the lessons

Also yes 10,000% only sext after sex has happened and even then why sext just have sex lol. I sexted and had phone sex with a super hot model level girl who from her texts loved my mind, my body, and everything about me. Took some of the classiest dick pics ever with my DSLR and even had phone sex. Then after she came she was so hard to lock down for that date. I had to move on after the final ghosting. Funny thing is she texted me just a month or so ago asking for more phone sex but I just told her "no you ghosted me as far as I'm concerned were done."

I've bought a Sunrise alarm today to help me wake up and get going which I'll post about soon in my daily update - it'll help with those early morning starts I think.

I have that same clock I love it. I need it cause I'm surrounded by buildings so little to no light comes in my room. I make it a habit to turn the lights on in my room when it goes off.

Also good on the political detox. I hate watching the news. Especially at work where they leave it on 24 hours in the corner so we know in case something big happens. It's ALL just fucking propoganda. I would say I'm middle of the road politically leaning liberal but my over arching political belief is "get your government off my dick." I just never wanna become my old fat italian roommate where all she did was listen to NPR all day. My friend says his mom watches only Fox news all day. They're the same person just on different sides and on the fringes you get people believing in the illuminati and other crazy conspiracies. News is mentally the most unhealthy thing for a person to consume. If something huge happens like covid you'll find out but other than that you're making a great decision to put good vibes in your life.

Good luck on the date!

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Dewm

Good call my man. It's all about recognizing those red flags and taking the baby steps to self correct your behavior. Hell man, I still fuck up. A few months ago before I returned to the forum I matched with a "girl" on reddit who said she would suck my dick for pizza. I send her $25 on uber eats then I say "ok Im off work, where's your hotel?" and she ghosts me. I'm always the same man making the same mistakes. It's a grand difference from being catfished out of $25 and having my life gone nuclear where my girlfriend; lied, cheated, and stole from me leading me to live in my car for a year and a half.
Baby steps.

Hey thanks Dewm - I think it's a long road with this one mate and you're gonna hit the occasional bump as I myself certainly has. In Dr. Robert Glover's Book No More Mr. Nice Guy which I've been reading here and there, he considers himself a 'Recovering Nice Guy' and explains how nice guys can sometimes relapse into old behaviours. It is what it is and I think it's all about damage limitation - better 25 bucks than you spending 250 and getting her an expensive bag or something! I was in the same boat mate - had really bad experiences with women which you might have seen from my second ever post. I made the mistake of buying nudes once like a total Simp when I was 18 thinking I'd get laid. Never done this again and I learned from it. It's all a learning curve or as Andy says 'It's all an experiment' - ya just gotta find what works. Glad things got better for you, brother.

Also yes 10,000% only sext after sex has happened and even then why sext just have sex lol. I sexted and had phone sex with a super hot model level girl who from her texts loved my mind, my body, and everything about me. Took some of the classiest dick pics ever with my DSLR and even had phone sex. Then after she came she was so hard to lock down for that date. I had to move on after the final ghosting. Funny thing is she texted me just a month or so ago asking for more phone sex but I just told her "no you ghosted me as far as I'm concerned were done."

^ This 100%. I've been in that position where I've been used to get chicks off. It's happened twice with 2 different chicks since I started my log and now I've learned from it I'm using it to my advantage - they keep talking and meet to get off or they were just out to waste time getting off over phone and them dropping off by the wayside does me a favour: I'm here to have sex not be a phone chat up line. Only difference I see is when guys do it they're scumbag users but with girls they rarely get called out on it.

I have that same clock I love it. I need it cause I'm surrounded by buildings so little to no light comes in my room. I make it a habit to turn the lights on in my room when it goes off.

I was very hesitant to spend the money as it's a lot for what I thought was just an alarm clock with a fancy light, but it really worked this morning and when it comes to sleep, it affects absolutely everything in your life so this was a worthwhile investment I think.


Also good on the political detox. I hate watching the news. Especially at work where they leave it on 24 hours in the corner so we know in case something big happens. It's ALL just fucking propoganda. I would say I'm middle of the road politically leaning liberal but my over arching political belief is "get your government off my dick." I just never wanna become my old fat italian roommate where all she did was listen to NPR all day. My friend says his mom watches only Fox news all day. They're the same person just on different sides and on the fringes you get people believing in the illuminati and other crazy conspiracies. News is mentally the most unhealthy thing for a person to consume. If something huge happens like covid you'll find out but other than that you're making a great decision to put good vibes in your life.

Yeah man it's something I've been toying with for a while. I've just completely lost interest in it and I'm sick of the constant political brainwashing and agenda pushing especially with COVID. All as bad as each other like you say and I want no part in it - just live my life and let others live it too. Since I've stopped watching it and paying interest, my focus on what's important which is my self-improvement has increased. Instead of watching it on my laptop or on the T.V, I come to these forums and get more positive influences in my life.

Good luck on the date!

Hey thanks, It went really well and I'll put an update on here shortly and tell you all about it: Stay tuned!

Thanks again for the continued support - much appreciated

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 28: 07/11/2021

Good day today - Got up early and went on the date I've mentioned previously Here's an update for today:

- Woke up at 04:45 this morning to the new sunrise alarm I bought. Despite not dropping off until the early hours, I woke up feeling refreshed and not hating the world like usual. This was the first time in months that I have woken up feeling good. Didn’t even need my backup alarms

I can see why this thing costs a fair bit and Andy swears by it

Thanks KillYourInnerLoser for the recommendation - most painless wake up I've had in months. I'm starting to see it was money well spent from just the first use

- Had coffee and contemplation in my garden again this morning ️

Had a very successful date with Guitar Girl - Details as follows:

Wore my height increasing shoes, jeans, a t-shirt, open check-shirt and my checked jacket with baseball cap. Few accessories (ear stud and leather bracelet too). This girl said she liked my 'Lumberjack Jacket' and wanted to try it on, so I got it washed and dried ready for today. She appreciated the fact I wore it and even tried it on along with my cap as you'll see below

First thing I did when it hit 09:30 was Send a confirmation text. After reading some of Andy's stuff, I have seen that this is a very crucial thing to do to help avoid flakes etc. She was all good to meet at 11:30 like we arranged, so I walked up to town and got there for about 10:15. The trains by me are absolute wank to put it mildly, so I played it safe and got in about an hour earlier. Looked around a bit then went to meet her outside the coffee shop

Soon as I saw her, put my arm around her and kissed her on the cheek which took her by surprise. She looked cute from her photos, but in person she's a little firecracker

Short, dyed silver/highlighted hair with dark underneath, 5'6 and slim with curves in the right places. I could tell she was a little nervous, so I just made polite conversation in the que - told her I'm gonna tell her about my hilarious job interview fail the week previous, asked her how work was going etc. etc. I think this really put her at ease.

I made sure to do a few key things during the date to try and build up the tension as regards Kino/escalation:

* Put my arm around her and kissed her when I first saw her as mentioned above

* Kept eye contact with her - could tell she was shy and looked away

* When we were lining up for the counter and someone was trying to get past, I put my hand lightly on her arm and got her to move closer to me whilst saying 'He's trying to get past'.

* Sat NEXT to her instead of opposite. I got this from one of Andy's Podcasts and I said to her 'I'm sitting here as it's not a job interview - I've had enough of them already this past week'.

* Told her to do things rather than ask her e.g. 'You sit down and relax, I got these - I'll bring them over.'

* Tried on each other's glasses

* Let her try on my jacket and cap (she said she liked both)

* Told her she had tiny hands and put mine against hers to compare

* Walked her back to her car after and hugged her/kissed her cheek

* Lightly and playfully teased her about things

Other than that was just really good conversation about music, work, gigs, job interviews etc.

Date lasted an hour and a half which I think was a good sweet spot - The ‘Goldilocks' spot

She told me after I walked her to her car (and via text after) that she wanted to hang out again and I'm up for it as she's actually really sweet

Might take her for milkshakes next time as she said she liked them and I'll see where it goes. At this point I'm just taking it easy with the dating and getting back into it. No stress no pressure. If I get laid, I get laid. Obviously I’m gonna try, but If I don't, I don't

Dewm - Thanks for wishing me luck, buddy! :arrow_up:

Brother_Tucker - This one went a lot better than my last few dates as I stuck to your advice. Many thanks for the push in the right direction and giving me that ego check that I desperately needed :arrow_up:

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #34: My Most Cringeworthy Story This was a really interesting story to hear - I've been in similar situations where short of actually saying it, girls have been giving me obvious 'Shut up and Fuck me' vibes and I did absolutely nothing

I think partly this is societal conditioning and self-doubt on my part as when these situations have occurred, the thoughts in my head have been:

'She's just being nice and making conversation. You can't ask for her number - that's harassment, you pervert'

'She can dance with you provocatively - that's just how girls are these days. It doesn't mean anything - it's because we don't live in the 1950's anymore and things aren't ultra-conservative. It doesn't mean anything so don't try and kiss her, she might be offended...'

'Why would she want to be with a guy like you? There's way better prospects out there for her...'

There has also been in the past a fear that I could get '#MeToo'd', although I've realised that I shouldn't let this hold me back in dating/sex as I'm a decent guy who's never pushed it if it's obvious the girl ain't interested

Instead like a dumbass, in the past I've chased the girls who aren't interested in dating and they have made trying to date them an uphill struggle. Really reassuring to hear I'm not the only one guilty of this and I'm really pleased that I've learnt from my past

I've also experienced the flip side of this where on more times that should have happened, girls have gotten into my bed etc. but haven't let me do anything - I've often misinterpreted this as a lack of interest, but really it's just because it's too soon for them. I now don't do this unless sex is taking place as I think this is dangerous behaviour which I cannot in good conscience encourage - the next guy they get into bed with in only their underwear and 'just want to cuddle' might not stop when they ask him to

This is one of my solid dating rules and I promised myself I would stick to it, so I do not do this.

I also think there is a bigger risk of leaving yourself open to rape and sexual abuse allegations in these situations. Appreciate there may be differing thoughts on this, but this is just how I feel and me personally, I don't want to take the risk

I will only 'just cuddle' with a girl I've dated and had sex with a few times - there has been times in the past where I've dated these girls and they've been upset/having a bad week/on their period and I've gone round and we've just cuddled so I can help them through a tough time

These previous situations have caused me to have self-doubt and reinforced the thoughts described above when I have been with other girls. When this has happened, I have got pissed off, moped around for half hour and then left the girl's place. What I should have done which I now do after learning from Andy and others is: I play it cool after trying to escalate a couple of times if it becomes clear that the girl doesn't want anything then I'll delta outta there

Constantly worrying you'll get '#MeToo'd' will get me nowhere and I understand that now

That's pretty much it for today. Due to getting up early, I'm pretty Fucked so I'm gonna get an early night tonight and use my sunrise alarm to hopefully wake up fresh again tomorrow

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

and I'll see where it goes. At this point I'm just taking it easy with the dating and getting back into it. No stress no pressure. If I get laid, I get laid. Obviously I’m gonna try, but If I don't, I don't

If you play it safe too many times, you'll lose. Girls aren't going to sit around forever waiting for you to fuck them. Eventually she'll feel like "He can't be that into me because he hasn't tried to sleep with me. Maybe I'm ugly. I'm not gonna meet him again because it just hurts not being wanted."

You're playing it safe not because you "don't really care if I get laid", but because you're scared. And what do we do when we feel fear? We run TOWARDS it.

So man up, and play to win. Meet her in public, go for a walk and grab a bottle of wine, and take it back to your place (or hers).

We're not here to fuck around; we're here to win. So stop messing about, put some actual skin in the game, and play to win.

KillYourInnerLoser

You’re right Andy - upon reflection, I’m lying to myself. I need to take a risk and make a move

I’ve arranged another date with her next weekend - I’ll try close the deal when I see her next and figure the logistics in the meantime. She does seem very receptive and interested - worse that could happen is she says ‘not tonight’

I’ll note what happens what on here for accountability

Thanks for the push in the right direction

Spider 🕷

 

[Dewm]

Guitar chick sounds very bangable dude! My first girlfriend played guitar so I always have a romance boner for alt guitar chicks. What Andy said ^ she wants a second date you got this dude. If I can't close on date 1, date 2 i invite them over for dinner which I cook (or I go to hers for dinner) - almost always works especially if libations are had. If there's a date 3 as the deal hasn't closed I just rinse and repeat dates 1 or 2. By date 3 if there's no fucking you guys are adults and can talk it out and see if it's in the cards for you. Rock on!

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Guitar chick sounds very bangable dude! My first girlfriend played guitar so I always have a romance boner for alt guitar chicks. What Andy said ^ she wants a second date you got this dude. If I can't close on date 1, date 2 i invite them over for dinner which I cook (or I go to hers for dinner) - almost always works especially if libations are had. If there's a date 3 as the deal hasn't closed I just rinse and repeat dates 1 or 2. By date 3 if there's no fucking you guys are adults and can talk it out and see if it's in the cards for you. Rock on!

Hey thanks Dewm

She’s pretty cute and definitely my type - after being rigid and straight down the middle for many years due to the job I used to work in, I’ve started to become attracted to the complete opposite in both my lifestyle as well as my taste in women.

Big reason why I got my ear pierced, why I’m in the process of completely changing my wardrobe/style, why I’m ditching politics and now going for the girls I see as ‘free-spirited’ and alternative.

Might tell the story on here of my old job, why I quit, and why I decided to break away and do a complete 180 at some point.

Only barrier I can see is me being back home currently (moved back in as my father had a heart attack recently) and I’m not too sure whether she gets the place to herself much.

This is something I’ll explore next weekend: I’ll say something like ‘I miss having my own space. You ever feel the same? You get the place to yourself much?’

I did lay the foundations before our first date over text and reinforced it during coffee when I told her we need a Netflix night as she’s never seen Cowboy Bebop. She seemed very receptive to the idea. Got work on the Monday at my new job, so will just be a milkshake date for an hour or two on the Sunday, so it’ll be the third date for Netflix and chill to be on the cards most likely if it’s going to happen

I’ll arrange it so it’s on a Saturday or Friday night - no work the next day, so it’ll give both of us the opportunity to relax and help with setting the mood - click watching is a mood killer as I’ve previously discovered

I’m definitely seeing interest from her, but not ‘Shut up and Fuck me’ vibes (Well, not yet, anyway). So it’s gonna be up to me to escalate and make a move to get her to that stage - I realise that now from Andy’s input.

I’ll throw some money down, take a risk and see how it plays out

Thanks for the continued support, man - much appreciated.

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 29: 08/11/2021

Got up really early again today and have had a fairly productive day

Cleaned my kitchen and did some gardening work. Just trying to get into the habit of these early mornings before I am due to start work. With any luck, they will get much easier

After listening to various podcasts, I've realised that aiming to go back to the gym 6 times a week is probably too big of a goal. The beginner gym program that I have downloaded starts off with 3 days a week and then after 3 months, moves up to 5/6 times a week 🗓

I can see now that it is important to start off by building the habit. Considering I'm going back to Jiu Jitsu soon too, I think 6 times a week is an unrealistic aim at this moment in time. I'll try and keep the 3 times a week habit going for 3 months then look at going 5 times a week once the habit has been built then step up to 6 times a week. If I just go all in with 6 times a week, my body won't be used to it and I'm likely to get pissed off and give up

I am hoping to have my first session back in the Gym this week and will post on my log when I have done this for accountability purposes

Today I have

- Got up early again at 04:45

- Cleaned my kitchen

- Had 'coffee and contemplation' in my garden again ️

- Did some gardening

- Cleaned my room

- Took delivery of my new work shoes - very comfortable and will help me look presentable in my new job. Will polish them before my first shift with that quick shine pad I bought. Something small, but a little step towards my sub-goal of saving money

- I've kept applying the 'No-Bite' to my nails - They are growing back and my hands are looking as well as feeling much better. Something small, but helping my self-confidence as I no longer feel as if everyone is looking at them

- I have been sent a load of work documents to read, sign and send back for my new job. This took me about 2 hours, but it needed doing. Looking forward to earning money again after being out of work so long

- Chatted a little to Guitar Girl and set up the date for Sunday - gonna grab a milkshake with her at a shake bar. I'm gonna try and arrange spending the night with her for date 3. Would try for this Sunday, but I got work the next day and I can't be late for my first shift

- After listening to Andy's Podcast about being honest and leaving girl's better than I found them, I decided to text Kinky Daddy's Girl and told her that I've deleted all of her photos (which I have) so that she has nothing to worry about in that regard. Told her no hard feelings and wished her luck

She apparently 'didn't intentionally not reply' but has 'now started dating someone so isn't looking to meet anyone else'...

View attachment 4

Fucking Lol.

I've blocked her now anyway as I'm no longer tolerating timewasters

- I've kept on with my pledge of not reading or watching about politics as well as not watching T.V as I think it's a goal killer and it's all bullshit on there anyway. Only time I've been in the room and it's on is when we're having family meals and my folks are watching it whilst they eat, but I'm not really paying attention to it anyway. It's all depressing bullshit which I want no further part of. I'll stick to my odd anime show and Manga


That's it for today's update

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Now]

- After listening to Andy's Podcast about being honest and leaving girl's better than I found them, I decided to text Kinky Daddy's Girl and told her that I've deleted all of her photos (which I have) so that she has nothing to worry about in that regard. Told her no hard feelings and wished her luck

She apparently 'didn't intentionally not reply' but has 'now started dating someone so isn't looking to meet anyone else'...

320C2757-8082-48D2-B4E1-45483BB463BF.gif

Fucking Lol.

I've blocked her now anyway as I'm no longer tolerating timewasters

You said no hard feelings but this reads like you're a bit hurt that she's dating someone
Seems weird to call her a timewaster when she was honest and upfront about it

Loving the consistency man, keep it up.
Checking out the log every day and more often than I care to admit I see you having worked through some shit that I'm also dealing with.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Now

You said no hard feelings but this reads like you're a bit hurt that she's dating someone
Seems weird to call her a timewaster when she was honest and upfront about it

Hey man yeah I get that - she seemed keen to meet for like a whole week, then just ghosted after leaving me on read. She was honest and upfront, but only after I called her out on it

Not really hurt - just slightly annoyed! I can see how it looks that way though: Sometimes I use my log to vent a little and then I move on, so I won’t be mentioning this girl again

I definitely learned from this too which is a positive I’m taking from the experience - I will now meet girls ASAP when arranging dates. Within the next few days after speaking for the first time as the longer the timeline, the more likely they are to ghost, flake or meet someone else I’ve found

Loving the consistency man, keep it up.
Checking out the log every day and more often than I care to admit I see you having worked through some shit that I'm also dealing with.

Hey thanks man! I’m nearly at day 31 of updates which will be tomorrow, so that’s 1 month of my 365 project done I’ll probably do an end of month review/update to help me reflect and improve

Oh yeah I been through some shit myself and I know it ain’t easy - you ever wanna talk, feel free to drop me a message on here and we can talk it out

Thank you for the continued support and input

Spider 🕷

 

[Brother_Tucker]

She apparently 'didn't intentionally not reply' but has 'now started dating someone so isn't looking to meet anyone else'...

320C2757-8082-48D2-B4E1-45483BB463BF.gif

Fucking Lol.

This is just really common as girls have a level of abundance that most guys never get. She probably didn't respond to most of the guys she was talking to so don't take it too hard. You stuck to a sensible strategy, didn't get significantly burned and learned the dangers of pre sex nudes. I'm willing to bet those other guys invested way more than the time you put in, so while you may have lost out, you came out better.

Overall this is good progress, keep walking forward and try and lock in Vegan Girl and Guitar Girl. If you set up a rotation congratulations, you are ahead of most guys out there.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

She apparently 'didn't intentionally not reply' but has 'now started dating someone so isn't looking to meet anyone else'...

320C2757-8082-48D2-B4E1-45483BB463BF.gif

Fucking Lol.

This is just really common as girls have a level of abundance that most guys never get. She probably didn't respond to most of the guys she was talking to so don't take it too hard. You stuck to a sensible strategy, didn't get significantly burned and learned the dangers of pre sex nudes. I'm willing to bet those other guys invested way more than the time you put in, so while you may have lost out, you came out better.

Overall this is good progress, keep walking forward and try and lock in Vegan Girl and Guitar Girl. If you set up a rotation congratulations, you are ahead of most guys out there.

Brother_Tucker

Mate I agree - with the amount of thirsty Simps (as well as just the normal guys who want to get laid) out there, they've got more offers than they know what to do with, so it's always gonna be like this - just comes with the territory which I'm starting to see now. Trick to limit this is screen hard and early and stick to my dating rules I drafted up - I'm adding this one to the list:

No pre-sex nudes.

I won't be requesting nudes at all from now on even if I'm offered, I'll politely turn them down and say 'I want to see it in person instead' unless we've already Fucked.

I reckon the other guys might've been replying ASAP, sitting by the phone constantly, wasting time trying to get her to meet, maybe even arranged dates and then she flaked etc. etc. So loss wise, I'm sitting quite well - I'm always trying to see the positives nowadays.

Oh yeah! As regards those 2: Vegan Vixen wants to hook up Friday and me and Guitar Girl are going for milkshakes Sunday where I'm gonna try escalate.

I'll see how the rotation pans out, but it's definitely something I want and I'm going to try to set up.

Thanks again for the support - I wouldn't have been out there having fun and getting these experiences if you hadn't checked my ego and set my head straight.

I'm finally manning up, taking responsibility and I feel more in control now than I ever have thanks to your advice

Regards,

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 30:09/11/2021

Bit of a zig-zag of a day today - someone in my family had a work visit from home, so I haven't been able to stay in the house much. Went out for a walk and a look round the shops whilst that was going on. Took my earphones with me and listened to a couple of podcast episodes though, so the time was quite productive

- Woke up early again today, but ended up stopping in bed for an hour. Got up about 05:30 in the end which isn't too bad. Seeing it as a minor obstacle. I'll try get up early again tomorrow and get back on the path with my early wakeups

- Had coffee and contemplation in my garden again ️

- Went to McDonalds whilst I couldn't be in the house and had a 20 Chicken Nugget Sharebox and Milkshake to myself. You might be thinking 'How is this self-improvement?' but my main goal is to 'bulk up' and I'm currently in the process of experimenting with bulking meals. This would make a good cheat meal as it's high in calories and protein, but low in salt compared to a lot of the other McDonalds menu items. I've had a bad relationship with food over the years and don't eat much, so this is why I'm classing this as self-improvement

- I have been getting to grips with Microsoft Access databases as this is something I have to use with my new job and I was honest in my interview about not having much experience with it. I did state I would give myself a refresher, and lately I'm trying to adopt this mindset of being someone who keeps their word and promises, so this is what I have been doing today using YouTube videos to get a general overview

- Swiped a bit on Tinder, but not much in the way of prospects at the minute. I'll look into this at some point, but have a date or two lined up for now so I'm meeting my minimum dating goal of 1 date every 2 weeks

- Washed my Snapback Cap - got it limited edition with GTA 5's Collector's Edition back in the day. Guitar Girl saw it on my Instagram and turns out she loves playing GTA, so told her I might wear it for next time for her to try on. Washed it now so it'll be dry in time for Sunday's date - gonna go to a shake shack with her

- Vegan Vixen text me and told me she can't meet me Friday as she's got a family thing on, but has offered to rearrange, which is fair enough. I've told her to hit me up when she knows her schedule sorted. We don't talk much, so I'm not exactly sinking endless time into trying to get laid with her, so she's pretty much doing the work now to make herself free to meet me. Would be nice to sleep with her again, but I'll see how it plays out

- New Hoodie arrived - really happy with it. Was a little overpriced, but if I see a design I really like from an independent business, then I'm happy to spend a bit extra

- Took a look at some MP3 Players today. I'm considering ditching the Apple Music subscription and just transferring tunes to an MP3 Player from a Youtube to MP3 player - it would save me £10 a month as I wouldn't pay anything for the songs. Might get it myself as a Christmas present - would save me money in the long run (About £120 a month) with the initial investment in the MP3 Player

- Patch came for my Backpack Project which I have started slowly working on: I basically buy alt/pop culture reference badges/patches and I iron them onto my backpack. As well as being a nice therapeutic thing to do, it's actually helping me attract alt girls as I show them the backpack and they all think it's actually really cool. I will post the finished project on here when it's done if anyone is curios to take a look as I would be happy to show off my hard work

- Listened to Episode #36 of Andy's Podcast: "What should I say to girls?". Very insightful as I'm always looking for good talking points/springboards to help me strike up and carry on a conversation

- Listened to Episode #37 of Andy's Podcast: "I'm a Virgin & I Don't Feel Any Urgency to Lose It". I needed to hear this and what was discussed as I have been putting off going back to the Gym. I am now actively trying the visualisation exercises that Andy mentioned - picturing myself getting to 30, then 40, then 50 etc. and the shitty lifestyle as well as the health complications I will experience if I don't get my ass to the gym and fix my diet. I WILL TAKE ACTION ON THIS THIS WEEK and post on here when I have for accountability purposes

That's it for today's updates - I'm gonna take a break now and try get an early night in an hour or two for when I get up early tomorrow

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷