Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 58: 08/12/2021

Over the past week or so, I’ve been trying to put more effort into my log updates as it is my 365-project and I want to actually take it seriously - I may do another one next year and want to get into the habit of putting effort in when I can

Okay day again today. Feeling a lot less guilty compared to last week and I've come to terms with things - or rather I'm in the process still, but I’m getting there

Broke my No-Fap streak, so a bit of a bad start to the day, but I'm learning to see the positives in situations thanks to the book I'm reading. Work was alright - bit of snappiness, but nothing major. Usual girl shit

Also made a commitment in regards to Jiu-Jitsu which I've detailed below. Got my reading, early wake-up and podcast (usual stuff) done as well, so keeping up the streak

Todays Update:

- Woke up at 04:30 again

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- Broke my No-Fap Streak, but I'm looking at the positives:

- I Got to day 5.
- Didn't binge.
- Didn't use porn.

I'd beat myself up about this in the past, but I think the book I'm reading is really helping. I've acknowledged that I'm not perfect and that as someone who is still a young man, this is completely natural to have these urges and desires

I've Reset my counter and I'm back in the game

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- KillYourInnerLoser Andy sent me over some podcast dates/times - currently working out my schedule, but gonna get back to him very soon and put something in motion

- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle Station this morning ️

and

- Listened to Episode #59 of Andy's Podcast - Day 59: I Need to Pay My Bills, & Moving to a New City. Really inspiring to see Andy and Imogen going all-in, especially during a very turbulent and uncertain time with COVID and the COVID-economy. Got laid off myself back then and had to re-apply for my own Fucking job and took a pay/hours cut when I did get my own job back so I know how difficult it was and how much of a leap it must've been for Andy to do this so respect to him and Imogen

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- Read some more of 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. The last chapter I read was very interesting regarding Grief and Suffering. The chapter discussed a lot about repressed emotions and how holding them in can lead to these feelings building up over years and affecting future relationships, friendships and your life in general

I recently mentioned on my log that I come from an old-school family where 'Stoicism' or a version of it where you don't show your emotions is the general consensus and part of how I was raised. I see now that this can be damaging and the book mentions that acknowledging and accepting your emotions in order to work through them is a crucial step in 'letting go'. The book I have recently purchased - Meditations by Marcus Aurelius upon Andy and couple of other forum members recommendation is something that I believe will help with this so I can embrace a healthier form of Stoicism and acknowledge my emotions but without them overwhelming me



- I have signed up for a Foundation Jiu-Jitsu course and paid the fees in full up front to hold myself accountable and ensure I commit. This course starts on 05/01/2022. I felt this was the better option as opposed to jumping straight in and getting my ass kicked considering I haven't trained in years. Soon as I started training a couple years ago, the Government went full dictatorship and we went into Lockdown over CoronaBollocks. I've made a financial commitment today anyway to show I'm serious

- I have decided to change my financial goals after looking into my finances. Instead of saving £1000 (1325.30 USD) a month, for the first year, I am going to try to save £1250 a month (1656.63 USD). After assessing my finances, current saving, bills, and other outgoings, I think this is something that is achievable. I want to save as much money as possible to set me up for my future where I can own my own home. I've also cut down my expenses significantly by cancelling a lot of my subscriptions and pointless bullshit I was wasting my money on. I'll see how I get on with this one and I can drop back to £1000 if necessary

- Worked 9-5

Little bit of bitchiness and snappiness in the office today, but it's just a load of shit which I'm brushing off and working through. Boss says I worked real hard today and got a lot done - Yeah, Probably because I don't gossip. I'll be working from home soon anyway by the looks of things so Fuck it. I'm just thinking of the money I'm on and the fact it's an office job and I'm not working my old job which I hated

That's it for today's update

Gonna relax a little now and maybe do some reading if I got time before bed

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Hahaha god damn bro I was at the University of Birmingham, so I lived in Bham for 4 years and know Brum very well.

MAC
[/quote]

MakingAComeback

Aha you and Radical will probably be amongst the very few who'll actually be able to understand me when I'm on Andy's Podcast with my Brummie accent!

Small world indeed!

Regards,

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 59: 09/12/2021

Bit of a nightmare day in the office but I made it through and I’m home now so Fuck it 🕊

Productive day again and kept my streak up

- Woke up at 04:30 this morning - still going

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- No-Fap - Made it past 24 hours again - really encouraging to be back on it and I'm going to try and make a good go of it

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- I was going to listen to Day#60 of Andy's Podcast, but this one is about an hour and a half long and I'd need some more time to listen to it to properly to take it in, so I Watched one of Andy's recent YouTube videos this morning: 'Lets Talk About Sluts'. This was really interesting as I definitely agree with the fact that the word 'Slut' is overused and often wrongly. I have seen how society uses this word to shame people for behaviours that really shouldn't be shamed such as choosing to explore their sexuality and have a good time. I think people need to just say 'Fuck Normie Opinions' and think for themselves. I started having this attitude and I felt much better about life in general. I really couldn't care less what people think anymore

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- Gave my room a very quick tidy this morning. I’m finding the best thing to do is properly clean it once a week on the weekend and then just tidy it quickly in between e.g. Making bed, clearing desk, hanging clothes back up/putting in washing basket, emptying the bin etc. Little job sure, but cleaning my environment has definitely helped improve my mood and mental health

- Read some more of 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. Yesterday I read the chapters that were recommended to me especially on Guilt and Shame . This was Fucking eye-opening. Really made sense how society has effectively programmed us to just willingly accept guilt and bad feelings as well as believe that they are deserved and necessary without question.

Guilt and Shame has become a 'normalised' part of society. The key here is to say 'No' and reject this 'You should feel Guilty' and 'You should feel shame' Brainwashing that we have effectively been subjected to. The book states that in order to overcome this, we need to Question EVERYTHING.

Enough is Enough. I think it's time to start questioning my programming.

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- Worked 9-5 Bit of a stressful day today. Made a minor mistake on an order, but shit happens - especially when I get thrown in the deep end and I get attitude whenever I ask for help. An employee who isn't management is also trying to boss me around a little, but I'm standing my ground. Lots of anti-men bullshit in the office too and the sexism towards men is pretty much running rampant! It's light entertainment for me as I'm just laughing it off

On a side note, the Government has gone full crazy again and said we all gotta work from home now from Monday. I'm quite happy about this as I can start hitting the Gym before work now as I'll actually have the time

- My SD Card for my Sony Walkman arrived - can put like 10000-15000 songs on it now - not that I probably will, but good to have the space there for the future. This was a good investment and it's already saving me a lotta money every month, so thought it would be a good idea to make sure I can use it and put as much music on as I want

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- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius also arrived today. Looking forward to getting started on this one once I've finished Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender.



- Re-assessed my diet plan. Soon as I go back to the Gym, I'll start this at the same time - I'm gonna need to fuel my workouts.

- Messaged Andy regarding the upcoming Podcast and scheduling The time difference is making things a bit difficult, but we're working it out

That's it for today's update

Gonna go read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 60: 10/12/2021

- Woke up at 04:30 - forgot to take a photo of my clock today unfortunately

- Got the podcast scheduled with Andy for the 28th of December 2021. I'm going to start some preparation for it tonight and over the weekend and will send him over the necessary details. I've never done a Podcast before so it will be an interesting experience!

- I listened to Episode #60 of Andy's Podcast last night while I had time - 'Day 60: AI, Venture Capital & Walking with CEO Dennis Mortensen'. Found this discussion really interesting particularly around some of the scarier aspects of Artificial Intelligence. I wrote my University Dissertation on Police Technology Use during COVID and A.I application were considered and actually used by some police forces and Governments across the World. Word that sprung to mind whilst I was researching for this project? 'DYSTOPIAN'. 🏙 🖲

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation this morning at my Battle Station️

and

- Listened to Episode #61 of Andy's Podcast: 'Day 61: Quarantining in Brisbane & My Patreon'. As if I didn't get enough Dystopia with last night's Podcast about A.I: Absolutely insane to hear how the Government went full crazy in Australia and arguably still is a Fucking insane Fascist Dictatorship

I can remember seeing some of the shocking incidents that were occurring and the behaviour of the police and the security services was/is absolutely disgraceful. Of course, the mainstream media didn't give a shit about any of this and labelled people who were just going to the shop or for a walk 'Grandma killers' and 'Disease spreaders'. Or those who were protesting were arrested at home in front of their kids and labelled 'rioters'. Made me realise how much I admire the Libertarian viewpoint. Definitely amplified and lead to the fact that I now think that the Government/State should interfere in the life of the private individual as little as possible 🏛

I'm glad Andy and Imogen managed to get out.

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- I have read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. Yesterday's chapter was on Desire. I found this chapter really useful and it made a lot of sense. Desiring and wanting something can actually be a blockade to getting what you want and the better option instead of desiring something is to choose to allow it to happen e.g. If you want to have an elite body, thinking about it and desiring it will not get you there, but choosing to go to the gym and eat properly will. You make the conscious choices and then allow it to happen instead of desiring it

Also discussed the problem of glamour - you expect something to be amazing then when you get it, it isn't and sends you on a downer. Something to consider for the future as I've been guilty on occasion of building up an idea of an event, person or a product and then I've been disappointed because it's not what I thought it would be. This chapter also mentioned a book that Andy recommended recently: 'Glamour: A World Problem'. Might have to add this one to the list as it seems like a real big issue in modern society which I myself am not immune from I must admit

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- I have started writing a 'Sexual Bucket List'. This is something I've been meaning to do for a while and thought it would be a good idea whilst I'm on a dating break and my mind isn't clouded by Dating, Tinder, and other online dating sites etc. I think it's good to shut off the distractions sometimes so I can clearly think about what I want from dating/sex. Especially after a bad experience

- Bought myself a denim vest. I saw this particular item a while back and liked it, but it was out of stock. It has now come back into stock for Christmas. Promised myself I'd get it if it came back in, so I chose to buy it. Christmas present to myself - got it before they're gone again! This year I’m going to make a point to ask for/buy myself items which will help me on my self-improvement journey 🏞

- Got into the office an hour early, so listened to another of Andy's Podcasts. Episode #62 - Day 62: Open Relationships as a Newbie, Calling vs Texting. Really good advice here. I'm now always upfront and honest with girls I'm dating about what I want as it just causes drama, pain and suffering. With girls being how they are these days, you don't know what they might do to get 'revenge' at you 'using them for sex' by not being honest and upfront from the start. Especially true in the era of #MeToo and Social Media

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- Bought a copy of ‘The Slight Edge’ from eBay. I’m now reading for about an hour a day for 30 minutes every morning and 30 minutes every night I have seen this book recommended by Andy many times on his website as well as on the Podcast. As I’m reading more now, I want to start building my book collection so I’m always having something to work my way through and I think I’ll start making a note in my signature of what I’ve read



- Worked 9-5 I’m glad it’s Friday put it that way! Another day done another couple of bucks in my pocket More office politics to contend with today, but I'm practicing Letting it Go.

- Started drafting notes for my podcast with Andy

- I spoke to the BJJ Coach today - he says to pop down to the club tomorrow and see him to sign up. Making steady progress on this and looking forward to getting back into things. I'm now committed to it financially, so got no excuse.

That's it for today's update

Gonna have a break tonight as it's been a really long week. I'll wake up early again tomorrow and Get After It

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Slight Edge - read this article along with the book:
https://kyil-extra.com/slight-edge

KillYourInnerLoser

Seen you talk a lot about The Slight Edge and how useful it is, I thought it was about time I bought it and started reading it myself!

I’ll definitely read the article alongside it when it comes to enhance my understanding and apply the techniques better in my life

Thanks mate

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 61: 11/12/2021

The Tinder Phone Jiu-Jitsu Commitment and New Scariant uncertainty

So the panic-porn-peddling media scaremongers are churning out fresh bullshit about this new variant 24/7 and are calling for Christmas to be cancelled and a new Lockdown

Meanwhile it has emerged that politicians were all having office Christmas parties last year whilst Christmas was effectively cancelled for the public

If we get another lockdown, Gyms will shut, no Jiu-Jitsu, no dating, mask Karens accusing me of killing granny etc.

Seems the government is determined to ruin my self-improvement plans. They can Fuck off if they think I’m complying

- Woke up at 04:30 today - I'm keeping this up even on weekends as my sleep pattern will be screwed otherwise if I have weekend lie-ins

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- Listened to another episode of Andy's Podcast: Day #63: Did Andy Get Laid at College/University?

Can totally relate to this. My University experience wasn't great either. Was dating a girl who didn't put out (stuck with her like a dumbass) and then the Lockdown came, and I didn't get laid for 18 months. Problem is that T.V Shows and American college culture permeates into the mindsets of young men over here and gives the these false expectations. Didn't even stay on Campus - did my studies then came home. Nobody really hung out and most students just played Xbox or had their own friend circles outside of the University. Wasn't exactly the 'amazing social experience and sexual adventure' I was promised - Best years of my life my ass!

And

- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle Station. Good to start the day with a gradual wakeup and some deep thoughts. I miss being outside, but It's freezing in this weather

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- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. Yesterday's chapter was on anger and it's harmful affects. Interesting to see how anger can come in many forms and the root is usually pride and vanity - our pride gets checked and we get angry. The book mentions to see the things other people do that involve anger or ay make us angry as a gift - they are trying to tell us something e.g. to be more aware of their feelings. Also highlighted the dangers of repressed anger and how this can manifest itself over many years and lead to depression, anxiety and a general sense of inadequacy. May even be physical health consequences such as diseases. I have been more open to the holistic view when it comes to the health of the mind and the body over the years and I do believe that both are linked. I myself do think I have a lot of repressed anger. I got a bit pissed off at work yesterday, so I am going to actively try to Let Go of my anger before it causes me problems later on in life. I can already see how it's causing me problems now



- Added a few more items to my Sexual Bucket List . Sorry folks, no offence, but I'm keeping this one private

- Started writing up content in preparation for the podcast I'm going to be doing with Andy soon. I'll get this sent over to him this weekend in a word document

- Went for a walk. Good to decompress and clear my head after a long week at work.

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- Went to see my Jiu-Jitsu coach today. Paid him the money up front for 2 months and signed up for the course that starts in January. This is something I'm really looking forward to getting back into and it will be a good start to the New Year. I'm committed financially too as I've actually paid the money - cash, in-person today

Found out more about the training too:

- 2 sessions a week teaching the foundation chokes and movements etc.
- I get a free Gi (Training Suit) included which is a nice bonus
- Get access to a Facebook support group - made an account for this especially with no photo (I'm wary of Social Media!)

Overall it's gonna be good to have something I can get into after work. Sick of just coming home after a crap day and not being able to blow off any steam

- Booked my car into a mechanic for an annual check - it ran out and haven't been able to drive it recently, so glad this has been done

- I've decided to go back on Tinder at some point, but have been having a complete nightmare with my old account I was using. I've found my old Nokia and I went and bought a cheap Sim Card today - this is gonna be the workaround to get a new account. Only cost me £1 for the Sim card too and saves dealing with Tinder customer support who are Fucking useless if anyone has tried dealing with them they will probably understand. Very trigger happy with the banning too if you're a man. I know Andy, myself and a couple other of the guys I have spoken to have experienced similar - you get banned for anything on there these days

Having Tinder on a backup phone will be a good benefit in itself too - save me spending loads of time endlessly swiping. It'll stay at home and not on my person. I will have 15/20 minutes on it a day just to swipe a little and message whilst I'm listening to a podcast or music so the time isn't completely unproductive. I'm planning to screen hard as well. I don't want a repeat of last time or the other times when things have gone bad!

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Might start getting active on Instagram again as well. Good to have a little 'social proof'. I'm gonna need to get premium, but it is what it is. If you're a guy, Tinder is pay to win and that's just the way things are

That's it for today's update

Gonna take a break now as it's the weekend and chill

Photos attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 62: 11/12/2021

MONTH 2 REVIEW

So I've just hit month 2 of my self-improvement journey. I'm amazed at how quickly it's gone. I feel like I have gotten a lot done after completing Month 1 which was the 'foundation stage' where I laid the base for my journey and started experimenting with a few things to figure out what worked for me

Once this was done, I set about building the habits. Some things I'm really happy about but there's also a few other things I am a bit pissed off with myself for not getting done, but I'm new to putting this much commitment into something and it's still a learning curve as well as there being time to improve. I am hopeful that this end of month review will give me the kick up the ass to work on what I didn't get done as I move along into month 3

What I've achieved:

- The habit of maintaining a tidy bedroom
- Kept up with my 365 Day Project
- Listened to a total of 63 of Andy's podcasts and watched a few of the YouTube videos
- Figured out what I want from dating
- Started a Sexual Bucket List
- Got politics out of my life
- Consistent 04:30 wake-ups
- Got a full-time job
- Started a dating guidebook for myself
- Bought 9 Manga books (T.V Substitute)
- Stopped biting my nails - hands look much better
- Re-joined Jiu Jitsu
- Stopped watching T.V
- Started reading consistently
- Improved my journaling efforts on this progress log
- Saved my first pay check - a start on the financial goals
- Podcast scheduled with Andy
- Still haven't had an alcoholic drink - I haven't for years though
- Stopped watching Porn
- Cancelled my YouTube and Apple Music subscriptions
- Built my 'Battle Station' - Definitely helping me reach my reading and podcast milestones!



What I should've achieved but didn't

- Still haven't started back at the Gym
- Still haven't started my diet
- No significant gains with No-Fap
- Still haven't cancelled my Amazon subscription



Pretty pissed off with myself as these are 4 big things I wanted to start work on or did start work on and failed. For the first time committing to something as much as this, I think I can cut myself a little bit of slack, but not too much

Massive Action is needed here. However, I won't say when I'm going to do any of these things.
I will instead post on here when I have done them

I think a big part of it may be the validation/dopamine hit I've been getting from saying 'I'm going to do this'. What I've achieved on my list above were mostly things I didn't say I was going to do - I just did them and then posted after

- Woke up at 04:30

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- Had coffee and contemplation at my Battle Station ️

And

- Listened to Episode #64 of Andy's Podcast - Day 64: Do you NEED to Make Girls Orgasm?

It was good to listen to this episode as I have in the past been someone who has beaten themselves up about not being able to make girls orgasm. Took me a while to realise that this just puts pressure on everyone involved and kills the mood - especially if it is just the first time. I've only ever made 2 girls come the first time we saw each other and I fully believe that stressing about this often leads to girls not wanting to see you again. They want a good time not a stressful and pressured night. I like the honesty aspect of sitting down and having a conversation about it

I bought the Doxy Magic Wand a while back upon Andy's recommendation and I've had very positive feedback on the few occasions I've used it. One girl even told me she'd bought one herself so she 'doesn't need to see me any more!' Hilarious!

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- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. Yesterday's chapter I read was on Pride. When I stopped and thought about it, Pride is a huge obstacle to getting what we want in life and being happy. Pride has killed people. I saw a case a while back where someone felt their pride was insulted whilst they were out drinking on the town. Outside one of the bars, a fight ensued as he thought somebody 'looked at him the wrong way' - one of the punches thrown in the ensuing scrap ended up being fatal. If that person who felt that that way had let go of their pride, they'd still be alive. The booze probably didn't help, but our true emotions and feelings surface when we're drunk

A big reason why I quit drinking was because of stupid shit like this I saw all the time.

I had personal experience of this when I got my ego checked when I was first starting out on my self-improvement journey. I felt that my pride had been attacked, which made me angry and I lashed out and went into denial. This was a result of me being fearful I'd been made to look stupid and that something was wrong with me/I was making bad dating decisions which lead to all my bad experiences with dating/sex and somebody was exposing that. After realising I was being a Fucking idiot, I saw the error of my ways. I am now going to actively try to swallow my pride. It'll help me brush off insults and be happier overall I think

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- Finished up my Podcast questions/notes for Andy. I have now sent these over to him in advance of our scheduled podcast

- Put a few more things on my Sexual Bucket List I'm gonna take a break from this now and think on it a while before I add any more to it

- I may start taking a photo of my clock at night when I go to bed. Although I'm getting up earlier, I think I need to hold myself accountable with what time I'm going to bed also. I'm going to aim to be in bed by 21:00 Hrs tonight and the photo can be posted tomorrow for accountability purposes

- Finally fixed Tinder. Tinder support? FUCKING USELESS. Fixed it myself and I'm gonna get back on it soon



That's it for today's update

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[colgate / bulldog]

Massive Action is needed here. However, I won't say when I'm going to do any of these things.
I will instead post on here when I have done them

This is a really good idea. I noticed that the correlation between me saying I'll do something and me actually doing it is pretty weak. On the other hand, if I just do it, it's more satisfying to log about and I have an incentive to do it.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Massive Action is needed here. However, I won't say when I'm going to do any of these things.
I will instead post on here when I have done them

This is a really good idea. I noticed that the correlation between me saying I'll do something and me actually doing it is pretty weak. On the other hand, if I just do it, it's more satisfying to log about and I have an incentive to do it.

Yeah definitely - can't take credit for this one though. I think I read an article or listened to one of Andy's Podcasts where he says don't talk about what you will do, talk about what you have done. You already get the validation without doing any of the actual work when you tell everyone you're going to do something and then you don't actually do it!

 

[Striker]

Stopped biting my nails - hands look much better

Did you do anything specific for this or just willpower?

I keep biting my nails but sometimes I barely even realise I'm doing it as stupid as that sounds

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Stopped biting my nails - hands look much better

Did you do anything specific for this or just willpower?

I keep biting my nails but sometimes I barely even realise I'm doing it as stupid as that sounds

Striker

Hi mate

Got some ‘No-Bite’ stuff called ‘Stop N Grow’ which you can get probably from a chemist/pharmacy quite cheap. It’s also on eBay for a couple of quid (£4.88).

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/370636852854?epid=5013590675&_trkparms=ispr%3D1&hash=item564bad8e76:g:JlQAAOxyZw5RZEEc&amdata=enc%3AAQAGAAACkPYe5NmHp%252B2JMhMi7yxGiTJkPrKr5t53CooMSQt2orsSafTQYbq3L7RBVAMi0K9cw1eNJ4GasHXG2mz8dQS3dgmWgYftUpNVW2S%252FMAZsC48u3EzJcr9UjT8EcVorsKUoKGtvvXP9%252BhzZDblLvkUQmWbI8l2nnC2tqSvm9YKrfqDZOFbcFrBQhe4COLJPQ%252F9rqodtiM2RcWRAKxhIGshd1owucMFeJbNdzt9qUItttlstBD5NOXryddJohyvZExlNPZZKNQafATssy%252F8%252Bsn9zlBUDCouxi0uvSq59PIaNv4E0xS9v4fq0VqBNllEr5HTaztTXnYm4H%252BCtSb2iBk2%252BwvchOxFRMSy8Iox7MdPf5BZ7kWAkOCYfuz5J5Nw8GYGWF85n2EmlJLK%252FpVNd5mQgSPH%252B0Kdtt8%252BNdALdL9%252BPckJ9BYzdwAmq9H7yiprY8wkgza6Yw9kXG8SLZfA5P9PJjWhWmvWVxMyKIkLhB5cPBdfRgYNog6qXuJ0xI2MbdwNrFJPezOQxkbQ0xlFKButVOhzKF1K4blJHV3iEIpszo2csXeV34I1FItEmVwOhWOUf6D82GvJf8P21jHVG67rtxP0yCq%252BZKeq32Rz5tlsvO2oVeauMNhZNzUQos9pp4D8dGErbHKvUs5L%252BqR9w5UiDJjmdTWJsIKdIk%252F%252F9cIILJfbrrlOT5sFKmdJdDPEvfo7rmmIK5eesrkthe9YX9fVPpixtxS7QlxpoMKZDzdrFH%252BAxXoJEFStIMwXfIOWCLYbWMsu%252FjBxD86%252BZb6dBju254UY0R0aqKyFk2Gs5IPeIq%252FgFU3NBQyLQS2aBFDUrWJEsFioR93A1FWBI1oPr1lT7ytpadLeS4JnyimyDJL%252FB%252F%252B3T%7Cclp%3A2334524%7Ctkp%3ABFBMytDygbZf

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Should be enough in one bottle to get you through 2 weeks or so

2/3 times a day I coated my nails a couple weeks. Tastes like shit, but often it’s the taste that stops you doing it unconsciously and you stop yourself and say ‘ooh no, shouldn’t be doing this!’

It’s now got to a point where I don’t need the stuff as I’ve broken the habit



Hope this helps

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Andy's Podcasts where he says don't talk about what you will do, talk about what you have done.

https://theinnerwinnershow.com/32/

And:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu_cyJ69Dkw

Similar concepts:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwDxkdvgPdo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXdjjxpecfQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5Qdr25ekYI

KillYourInnerLoser

Those are the ones!

Thanks Andy - I'll check these out in due course. Currently on Episode: 65 and working my way through

Regards,

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 63: 13/12/2021

Working from home Self-improvement books and Presents

Last night the Prime Minister who is Kinda like the equivalent of a President for my American friends, addressed the country regarding the new Omnicron scariant and basically told us to 'get your vaccines/boosters or Lockdown again.' Also told us it's home working from now on

Government's turning into a Fascist Dictatorship (again), but I'm trying to see the positives: Saves me having to go to work at 07:00 and wait around for 2 hours - more time for self-improvement. I'm totally not surprised anymore. I won't be following the guidelines or getting their cringe booster shot. Getting beyond a joke now

The Dystopia is real

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Also I mentioned recently I'm going to ask for things which will help my self-improvement for Christmas

So far on my list I've got:

- Books - 12 Rules for Life and one of Jocko Willink's on Leadership
- A Bluetooth Speaker (Podcasts/chill music)
- Clothes - to improve my style

Only a few things, but saves me asking for mindless products for me to 'consoom' like an NPC. I'm an adult now too, so might even buy myself a few gifts

Just call me ‘Spider Clause’ 🕷 ho ho ho’s for everybody!

Today's Update:

- Woke up at 04:30

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- Had coffee and contemplation at my Battle-Station this morning

and

- Listened to Episode #65 of Andy's Podcast - Day 65: 'You Have a Fear of Rejection, but Most Girls are Sweethearts. This episode allowed me to look back on some of my past views on women when I was going down the path of the dark side of the Red Pill and heavily bought into the MGTOW Philosophy. Looking back, I was just looking for someone else to blame for my enabling behaviours. I will admit that some women do act like bad people, but I realise this is a good thing now: Obvious shitty behaviour = Easier to spot those red flags and shut it down before it goes any further.

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- Listened to Episode #66 of Andy's Podcast - Day 66: Don't be Sexually-Crass; Innuendo is an Artform. First part of this talked about keeping going even if you aren't in the mood and can't be bothered. There's a lot of wisdom in this. What you do might suck, but the habit is getting built. Like Joe Rogan says '90% of it is just showing up'. I had a couple of shitty filler posts on here when I had a gum/wisdom tooth infection and I was at a funeral, but I kept up the habit and I'm now back on it. I've also had more success when being subtle with my innuendos. Being as subtle as a brick does come across as too blunt and crass and can put unnecessary pressures/expectations on the girls I've talked to.

- Read some more of 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. Yesterday's chapter was on Courage. Interesting to read how having courage can help you overcome almost anything. Also made sense how people who have the courage to try and achieve their goals with no guarantee of success are admired and respected. I definitely admire many of the forum members here who attack their goals.

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- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.



- Re-joined Tinder after fixing my account. Was a Fucking pain in the ass, but I managed to get a new account. Bought Tinder Gold too. It's much cheaper through the web app. I'm still taking it easy as regards the dating, but I'll swipe every now and again and see how it goes. If I can get an easy lay here or there with no drama or bullshit, I'm up for taking it

I'll be 100% honest and level with myself as well as anyone who reads this: I'm still not completely over what happened last time. I have had that honest conversation with myself and asked the hard questions I couldn't ask 2/3 weeks ago:

How long should I punish and make myself suffer for another person's dishonesty towards not only me, but themselves?

Is it really my fault when I did everything I reasonably could to prevent anyone getting hurt?

How unfair was it that all those emotional issues and regrets this person caused by their own dishonesty were dumped onto me because of their own total lack of responsibility and unwillingness to accept they were wrong?

I am going to discuss a few aspects of this on my coaching call with Andy and I am hopeful that this will help me work through what remains of my guilt/bad feelings. I am in a lot better place than I was previously though which is a big positive

- Worked 9-5 from home

Good to be out the office.

Gonna leave it there for tonight

Haven’t been feeling too well, so I’m going to try relax and get some sleep very soon. Nothing too bad, just a painful stomach ache and indigestion, but it’s not very pleasant so I’m gonna rest

Photos attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Brother_Tucker]

Day 49: 29/11/2021

I wasn't going to write this post, but it's been a really bad day today and I could really do with some support.

The girl I spent the night with the other night has abruptly told me she regrets the whole thing and doesn't want anything to do with me.

She said she felt it was too soon and although she wanted to at the time, now regrets it.

I've been pretty down all day. I keep thinking I'm a Fucking monster that pushed someone into doing something they didn't want to do, even though we'd planned it 2 weeks in advance and I told her there was no pressure and I was happy to wait until she was ready.

We'd been dating over a month and she was all up for it and everything was consensual - I kept checking with her if she was okay and wanted to continue. The things she specifically said she didn't want to do, we didn't do.

We even cuddled after, talked a lot and laughed and joked and then had breakfast the next morning. Next thing I know, she just did a complete 180 on me.

Although I kept ensuring she was okay and wanted to continue and I know it was consensual, I still feel like a horrible human being. I've felt awful and guilty all day.

I've always been respectful of a girl's wishes and never pushed anyone into doing something they didn't want to and I was actually in tears earlier thinking that I'm a Fucking scumbag of a human being.

I'm so worried I'm going to relapse into depression again because of this.

If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it as I could do with some support right now

Thank you to anyone who reaches out

It's been a little while since I posted on your log. I saw this happened to you and saw the guys offering support and I wanted to see how you would handle it before posting again. In short you took it a lot better than I thought you would.

A key thing that you need to know and the other guys have said as much is that this wasn't your fault. While Andy talks about being on the same team, something that needs to be added to that point is this: you are not responsible for her feelings . Sure you can do things that will affect her feelings and you shouldn't be a dick just because, at the same time whatever emotional reaction she has to anything you say or do is on her to process not you. A lot of guys take it on themselves thinking I made her sad so I have to fix this, then eventually enter a state where they walk on egg shells to avoid upsetting her. That's a miserable life, I can tell you from experience. You can acknowledge her feelings without accepting them or taking responsibility. This girl is an adult, she made an adult decision and then tried to make you feel bad for letting her make that choice. In a sense she was a grown up until she felt regret and want childish protection and understanding from a mistake she made. You know deep down you didn't push her to do anything she didn't want, in fact you were probably over cautious with checking in. We know from your logs that you don't strike us as the kind of guy who would force anyone to do anything so you wont get judgement from the guys here about it.

I understand you taking a break from dating after that, it's scary getting accused of something you clearly didn't do even indirectly, you have that fear a man gets when they realize for the first time how exposed they are to a situation. You have gone through the list and said what could I have done differently, that's huge growth for you, your first thought was to take responsibility for a situation. This is something that was lacking from your original post about all your bad dates. Now that you have reflected on your self and asked people here where you fucked up, it's OK to accept this wasn't your fault. This is actually her and societies fault for letting her have buyers remorse and blame you. You cant carry guilt around because of this, you self reflected and confirmed you did everything morally congruent with who you are.

From your posts about her over the weeks, the main thing I would say is that for casual partners, you want to have sex sooner rather than later. You built this up with her and had a big conversation about it being honest. This isn't a bad thing, its normally the direction a serious relationship would go. You weren't looking for that though, so by delaying things you projected a long term commitment with a causal intention which the longer a girl has to think about, the more she will build it up and get anxious. Please don't read this last paragraph and think this would have changed the situation with this girl, there's no guarantee of that. Mentally she sounds like she's 16, old enough to do stuff but young enough to expect forgiveness and someone else to clean it up. Most girls don't accept accountability for any of their choices, that's just dating in general, but if you spot these one's in the future that might turn out this way after sex, be Jack Sparrow. Make a charming exit, get on your pirate ship and go looking else where for booty. There's lots out there and you don't need to put up with this kind of behavior.

You have to get back on the horse, the longer you leave it the more anxious you will be when you start dating again and you don't want to go backwards.

It's also good to see lots of UK people on here, I didn't realize there were quite as many.

 

[Now]

- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.

I spot the Book of Five Rings, good shit dude. I own that in German -- since you're a fellow manga connoisseur, have you read Vagabond? Follows a semi-fictionalized account of Miyamoto Musashi & has similar male/spiritual development themes as Berserk, but with samurais and shit.

Love how far you've come working through what happened with the girl. Keep it up man

We're all gonna make it,

Now

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

It's been a little while since I posted on your log. I saw this happened to you and saw the guys offering support and I wanted to see how you would handle it before posting again. In short you took it a lot better than I thought you would.

A key thing that you need to know and the other guys have said as much is that this wasn't your fault. While Andy talks about being on the same team, something that needs to be added to that point is this: you are not responsible for her feelings . Sure you can do things that will affect her feelings and you shouldn't be a dick just because, at the same time whatever emotional reaction she has to anything you say or do is on her to process not you. A lot of guys take it on themselves thinking I made her sad so I have to fix this, then eventually enter a state where they walk on egg shells to avoid upsetting her. That's a miserable life, I can tell you from experience. You can acknowledge her feelings without accepting them or taking responsibility. This girl is an adult, she made an adult decision and then tried to make you feel bad for letting her make that choice. In a sense she was a grown up until she felt regret and want childish protection and understanding from a mistake she made. You know deep down you didn't push her to do anything she didn't want, in fact you were probably over cautious with checking in. We know from your logs that you don't strike us as the kind of guy who would force anyone to do anything so you wont get judgement from the guys here about it.

I understand you taking a break from dating after that, it's scary getting accused of something you clearly didn't do even indirectly, you have that fear a man gets when they realize for the first time how exposed they are to a situation. You have gone through the list and said what could I have done differently, that's huge growth for you, your first thought was to take responsibility for a situation. This is something that was lacking from your original post about all your bad dates. Now that you have reflected on your self and asked people here where you fucked up, it's OK to accept this wasn't your fault. This is actually her and societies fault for letting her have buyers remorse and blame you. You cant carry guilt around because of this, you self reflected and confirmed you did everything morally congruent with who you are.

From your posts about her over the weeks, the main thing I would say is that for casual partners, you want to have sex sooner rather than later. You built this up with her and had a big conversation about it being honest. This isn't a bad thing, its normally the direction a serious relationship would go. You weren't looking for that though, so by delaying things you projected a long term commitment with a causal intention which the longer a girl has to think about, the more she will build it up and get anxious. Please don't read this last paragraph and think this would have changed the situation with this girl, there's no guarantee of that. Mentally she sounds like she's 16, old enough to do stuff but young enough to expect forgiveness and someone else to clean it up. Most girls don't accept accountability for any of their choices, that's just dating in general, but if you spot these one's in the future that might turn out this way after sex, be Jack Sparrow. Make a charming exit, get on your pirate ship and go looking else where for booty. There's lots out there and you don't need to put up with this kind of behavior.

You have to get back on the horse, the longer you leave it the more anxious you will be when you start dating again and you don't want to go backwards.

It's also good to see lots of UK people on here, I didn't realize there were quite as many.

Brother_Tucker

Dude, let me start by firstly saying thank you so much for the effort and input you've put into this post as well as your previous posts on my log I've instantly felt relief from reading what you put. It's definitely helping me in the reflective stage of processing everything.

I read a chapter in 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' where he discussed about just giving the girl some space and not trying to fix everything. Shoulda put that into practice here, but I was kinda in full-blown panic mode and freaking out. Really like you say, responsibility needs to be placed onto her and not on me.

I see that now from what everyone has said and I now myself after much reflection and thought, know and regularly affirm to myself that I have never been that kind of man and never will be

It was the week from hell. I definitely thought I was gonna get a false charge made against me and that this was gonna ruin my life. Totally see the point about society being enabling of this behaviour: We live in the age of social media, #MeToo and 'Believe all women' where a man's reputation, freedom and life can be completely ruined on the mere say so of a woman with just 1 social media post or 1 sentence. Even if it's unproven, you're still seen as a woman abuser in everyone's eyes. Seen cases in my town where false complaints have been made after someone regretted the sex. Honestly made me question whether chasing tail was worth it. You can sort of see why some guys joined the Sexodus or went MGTOW.

Not that I will. just want to take a break for a while as it has definitely made me realise how vulnerable not just me, but every man can be to this kind of thing. You have definitely helped me get back on the right track though. I am back on Tinder now and I'm just messing around not putting massive effort in. For some reason girls seem to like that kind of attitude anyway.

Thanks for the advice RE: Casual relationships - I tried to do the good thing and although it was a good thing, I think it just wasn't the correct thing for what I wanted. I completely agree. Total lack of responsibility from women in general. They want to be like men up until self-responsibility comes calling. That's when it's time to pass the buck off to a man and dump their emotions onto his doorstep.

As for dipping out? Aye Aye Captain! Next time I see shit like that, I'm gonna Delta

Thank you again - really appreciate the support. Good to see someone else from the U.K too - that's a grand total of probably 3 people who'll probably be able to understand my Brummie accent!

I'll post on here if I have anything significant come back from Tinder in due course.

Regards and Many thanks,

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.

I spot the Book of Five Rings, good shit dude. I own that in German -- since you're a fellow manga connoisseur, have you read Vagabond? Follows a semi-fictionalized account of Miyamoto Musashi & has similar male/spiritual development themes as Berserk, but with samurais and shit.

Love how far you've come working through what happened with the girl. Keep it up man

We're all gonna make it,

Now

Now

Danke Schoen - Its a good one and I'm gonna re-read it at some point to refresh my memory. Never read Vagabond, but I'm definitely gonna check it out now if it's got similar themes to Berserk - gotta be my favourite and I loved the old-school anime too.

You a Berserk fan as well? I got Volume 9 on order, but you can't get em' anywhere in the run up to Christmas! Alita: Battle Angel is next on my list after.

Thanks for the words of support too - I'm not 100% yet, but I'm definitely getting there.

Regards,

Spider

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 64: 14/12/2021

The Slight Edge and Back on Tinder

Better day at work today. Probably because I'm working at home for a bit

I've also gone back on Tinder. I'll post on here if there is anything of note, but so far I got zip. Not really putting too much effort in as I'm still a bit put off by latest events, but I've re-joined and bought Tinder Gold, so that's a step in the right direction. Probably change to a more positive attitude where I'll be ready to put more effort in, but that'll take a bit of time yet first I think

My attitude on Tinder for the time being though is just like 'Whatever'. I either get girls or I don't

The Slight Edge came today as well, so I'm really pleased I've got a copy of it now. I'm gonna finish the book I'm on currently and then take a look at it whilst reading Andy's article he linked on here for me

I got this for 10 bucks used which is really good as it's an imported book and it's in decent condition. U.S.A and Australia always get the good shit!

Today's update:

- Woke up at 04:30 sunrise

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle-Station

and

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #67 - Day 67: Take Massive Action

One of my favourite episodes. I've taken massive action in the past and it's always paid off for me or if not, I've learned something from the experience. Last time I took massive action, was with getting a job. I spent £250 on a suit, £250 on a C.V writing company to write me a C.V and I applied for 5 jobs a day. I'm now in full-time work as a result

Massive action is coming soon.

Will only post about it on here when I've done it though as per my previous post

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- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #68 - Day 68: You've Gotta Sop Being Perfect

In the past, perfection has definitely been an obstacle and a major cause of procrastination:

'I'm not gonna start today as it won't be perfect.'

'Well I tried, but it didn't turn out perfect. I'll just give up.'

These are both conscious and unconscious thoughts that I've had to myself in the past and sometimes these thoughts resurface. I have to fight them back, but once I do, that's when the real progress starts:

'Shut up. We're doing it anyway.'

- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Yesterday's chapter was on Acceptance. It made me see how acceptance can bring newfound peace within your life. Once you've accepted things, other people's opinions no longer matter to you and you feel happier

The things life throws at you, you can brush off easier and deal with

There are some things in my life which I have come to Accept:

- I have accepted that I'm not going to get the career I always wanted due to a medical issue I have. Took me many years to accept this.
- I have accepted that with dating, girls are going to ghost, flake and sometimes act shitty. Just the nature of the game.
- have accepted that there are some people in my life that I am never going to have a good/repaired relationship with.

And there are some things which I am still working on to Accept:

- I am struggling to accept that I haven't wasted my life - I'm nearly 27, I'm living at home and stuck in a shit job.
- I am struggling to accept that I am not to blame for other people's feelings.
- I am struggling to accept myself for who I am.

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- Worked 9-5

Today was better, but I'm not really enjoying this job I gotta be honest. I'm currently working from home, but it's just data input onto systems mostly.

I'm still new, so I'm gonna try and work myself out of this, but I am going to start looking for another job if things don't improve soon. I'll try get another job before I leave, but if push to comes to shove, I have enough savings to tide me over for a year probably if I need to say 'see ya' before I have something else lined up. I'd like to try and make it to a year or 2 if I can and get the experience in this particular field, but that might be a little too optimistic with how I'm feeling right now. I do have savings plans so at least if I'm struggling, I can say to myself:

'I saved that money. I worked hard in a job I hated, but it didn't go to waste'. It's going to be put to good use: To build my future.

- Took delivery of The Slight Edge.



Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Now]

Hey Ben Danke Schoen - Its a good one and I'm gonna re-read it at some point to refresh my memory. Never read Vagabond, but I'm definitely gonna check it out now if it's got similar themes to Berserk - gotta be my favourite and I loved the old-school anime too.

You a Berserk fan as well? I got Volume 9 on order, but you can't get em' anywhere in the run up to Christmas! Alita: Battle Angel is next on my list after.

Christmas time is the worst for buying things lol.
Yeah sorta, I love the aesthetics (and music, hai yai forces m8) of Berserk but haven't read a lot of it yet. Got it recommended when I finished Vagabond, got the same lone warrior looking for something/someone DNA, but Vagabond had no fantasy/monsters like Berserk - more human.

We're all gonna make it,

Now

 

[Brother_Tucker]

It was the week from hell. I definitely thought I was gonna get a false charge made against me and that this was gonna ruin my life. Totally see the point about society being enabling of this behaviour: We live in the age of social media, #MeToo and 'Believe all women' where a man's reputation, freedom and life can be completely ruined on the mere say so of a woman with just 1 social media post or 1 sentence. Even if it's unproven, you're still seen as a woman abuser in everyone's eyes. Seen cases in my town where false complaints have been made after someone regretted the sex. Honestly made me question whether chasing tail was worth it. You can sort of see why some guys joined the Sexodus or went MGTOW.

I do want to stress this, these accusations are rare, they do not happen to everyone and for the most part if you're not being creepy or pushing way to hard, you will probably never face one, especially when you get better at screening (this is why I go for second date lays rather than first date, I'm a bit more cautious and want to know the girl isn't completely crazy.

I've only ever once come close to a false accusation and that was at party. A long story short a girl started hitting on me, we made out and she put my hand on her. When I realized she was more drunk than I thought I backed off made an excuse and walked away from the situation, I'm not putting myself into dumb situations when I have as many other hell yes girls open to me (the advantage to having a rotation). Later she kicked off at another guest later saying they were trying to feel her up and take advantage and she was eventually kicked from the party for causing problems. Right there could have been a really bad night for me, but I had 3 things which made sure that didn't happen: -

1. Abundance - Other options so I'm not desperate
2. Experience - Able to spot the signs and walk away
3. Situational Awareness - Not being drunk and knowing that playing stupid games only wins stupid prizes

You have these things too, as long as you keep these things in mind you may never run into this situation again.

I realize what I said about women came off more negative than I meant. You have to love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Accountability is a big problem, but you just have to accept that its going to come up in any relationship. You don't have to put up with bad behavior but you do have to know that it can and will come up from time to time.

From no more Mr Nice Guy, she was the wrong women, you can find really great women she just wasn't it and that's OK, keep looking.