Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Manganiello]

Day 49: 29/11/2021

I wasn't going to write this post, but it's been a really bad day today and I could really do with some support.

The girl I spent the night with the other night has abruptly told me she regrets the whole thing and doesn't want anything to do with me.

She said she felt it was too soon and although she wanted to at the time, now regrets it.

I've been pretty down all day. I keep thinking I'm a Fucking monster that pushed someone into doing something they didn't want to do, even though we'd planned it 2 weeks in advance and I told her there was no pressure and I was happy to wait until she was ready.

We'd been dating over a month and she was all up for it and everything was consensual - I kept checking with her if she was okay and wanted to continue. The things she specifically said she didn't want to do, we didn't do.

We even cuddled after, talked a lot and laughed and joked and then had breakfast the next morning. Next thing I know, she just did a complete 180 on me.

Although I kept ensuring she was okay and wanted to continue and I know it was consensual, I still feel like a horrible human being. I've felt awful and guilty all day.

I've always been respectful of a girl's wishes and never pushed anyone into doing something they didn't want to and I was actually in tears earlier thinking that I'm a Fucking scumbag of a human being.

I'm so worried I'm going to relapse into depression again because of this.

If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it as I could do with some support right now

Thank you to anyone who reaches out

Ya honestly dude. Im failing to see what the big deal is.

Most of my girls don't want to see me after we bang. We'll have magical chemistry and deeply passionate sex, and as shes about to board the train I ask, "when are you free again?" And she says "Not for another couple months." And then blocks me on tinder

Lol!! Like what?!

Is there anything I did wrong there?
No.

Girls being girls.

Most girls don't know what they want. They have no fucking clue.

This is a DEFAULT reaction from a girl. And you're trying to make sense of something that has nothing to do with you.

You might think: "Oh but other guys, keep their girls around."

Ya maybe, but they're also getting laid on the 7th date. (Which is the actual average btw).

If you're like any of the other guys on here who actually hookup consistently you can expect to lose most of your girls after sex.

Just get used to it.

To me (and I mean this a nice way) this is you being a novice to female rejection. Rejection is like water in the ocean, and you are a boat.

There's no real support that you need.
Just get used to rejection.

If you need support after every rejection, then this stage of your life will be catastrophic and extremely painful (again I mean this in a nice way).

Just get used to it dawg.
It's 100% normal.
Happens to everyone.

Keep going.
Theres sooooo many girls out there.

 

[pancakemouse]

Can only add my voice to the chorus:

I get ghosted by nearly every girl I hook up with. Despite having great dick game, making them come multiple times, forecasting future plans together, threesomes, etc.

The whole "women are the guardians of sex, men are the guardians of commitment" thing is complete bullshit in 2021. Women ghost just as much as, if not more than men.

Every time I have sex with a woman, internally I'm already preparing for the fact that I'll never see her again.

 

[Holden]

Yeah girls will ghost for the strangest of reasons and there's no guarantee she's going to be honest with you about why.

Maybe she regrets having +1'd her notch count and her friends made her feel bad about it.
Maybe she has been dating another guy who saw a text from you and then flipped his shit.
Maybe she wanted a quick "bad boy fuck" out of her system and now she wants to look for a boyfriend.

My second lay of all time texted me she "felt used" and didn't want to see me again. I was stumped. I barely had any experience with women so how could I use her lol, I was ecstatic to have a girl in my bed.

Another girl flat-out told me she had been seeing a guy for a while now, they were getting serious, and she wanted a quick bad boy fuck with some Tinder guy before "sealing the knot" with her bf.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 50: 30/11/2021

Absolutely overwhelmed by everybody’s support yesterday

I watched Andy’s video which he suggested last night

https://youtu.be/wswJnnH9b-4

And Fuck me, the similarities were identical.

Reason why I was so upset was because of pretty much what was said to Andy’s coaching client was said to me:

She said she’s hurt and upset and it’s my fault as I ‘Should have known’. Says she doesn’t feel comfortable with me anymore - like I’m some scumbag, woman-beating criminal.

This despite me constantly checking she was okay, asking her if she wanted me to stop, and saying there was no pressure if she didn’t want to in the weeks and days leading up to it (and on the actual night).

Basically she blamed me for everything and took no responsibility. I’m not a mind-reader.

Lots of Gaslighting, lies, and a total lack of responsibility on her part.

I can’t be with someone who isn’t truthful. That’s when people get hurt like here. I still feel Fucking awful about the whole thing, but I accept now I’m not to blame and I did everything possible on my end to prevent anyone from getting hurt.

There is another reason this particularly hit me badly which I may discuss at some point when things have calmed down.

I’ve decided I’m gonna knock the dating on the head for a bit. I know that this is probably something that people wouldn’t advise, but this has knocked my confidence a lot and I don’t feel in the right frame of mind at all to jump straight back in.

I’m gonna take a month off and see how I feel

I could do with focusing on my career and main goal of Bulking for a bit anyway.

I tried not to let recent events get me down today.

- Woke up early (04:30)

- Coffee and contemplation and trust me, I’ve had a LOT to contemplate ️

- Listened to episode #49 of Andy’s podcast: ‘The Pinnacle of Man on NoFap, Porn Addiction, Making Money and Dodging Haters’.

Really enjoyed this one as I’ve recently restarted NoFap and I can see how pornography can be harmful. Good encouragement

Finally, I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone for the support yesterday. I kept re-reading your comments today whenever I felt down

Dewm
Crisis_Overcomer
Now
KillYourInnerLoser
Manganiello
pancakemouse
Holden

You’re all awesome and are probably the most supportive people I’ve ever met. Really can’t thank you guys enough

Gonna take a little bit, but I will come through this rough patch and get my head straight.

Gonna read that book that Andy suggested tonight - I reckon it’ll help me let go of things and be more positive

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Manganiello]

The whole "women are the guardians of sex, men are the guardians of commitment" thing is complete bullshit in 2021. Women ghost just as much as, if not more than men.

Sooooo true.

Maybe it's not true for guys who take things really slowly, but if you're seen as a fuckboy you basically get girls who just wanna smash and then ghost.

Not a bad thing.

But girls prefer one night stands more than guys. Ive yet to see an example of the reverse.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 51: 01/12/2021

️I have a single-use voucher for Jordan Peterson's Self-Authoring Project Suite so you can access it and use it for free. If anyone wants it, feel free to let me know and I'll P.M it over and save you a couple of bucks.️

Feeling a bit better today after a bad couple of days. I'm starting to accept that I'm not responsible for everything around me and everyone I come into contact with. I think I've always suffered with guilt and shame, but it spikes and hits me like a ton of bricks when something happens - even though it's not my fault. This is when it becomes most apparent

This is something I'm going to have to actively work on and try get past. I'm grateful toKillYourInnerLoser for recommending the book: Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. I have purchased this today and it will be arriving Friday (See accountability photos below)

I will start reading this Friday night when it has arrived. I can't let things keep destroying me like this whether it be work problems, relationship breakdowns or just generally feeling bad about myself. Learning to let go is something I've been advised to do, but never truly have. Perhaps it's time to start.

I hit a podcast milestone today as I made it to Episode #50. I'm really enjoying the show and I'm glad I picked it up again after a bit of a hiatus and I'm going to try to listen to 1 a day in-line with my 365-day project. I think it's definitely encouraging me to keep posting on here and hitting my own 365-day project goal 🗓

- Woke up at 04:30 again. I'm going to try and find ways to make this time more productive in the near future. Got a couple ideas jotted down

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #50: Sex Tips + Cosmo Bashing. Although I'm on a dating break, this was quite amusing to hear as there is so much bollocks out there from so-called 'experts'. This is the type of shit I read as a clueless teenager, tried, and it turned into a comedy of errors

- Had Coffee and Contemplation this morning - change of scenery as I ended up getting to work mega early, so chilled in McDonalds listening to podcasts and sipping a coffee ️

- Bought Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender. I might set my self a reading books goal going forward - got a couple hours in the morning free due to getting up early, so could fit something in around this

That's it for today. Hopefully things get easier as time goes on for me - still feeling quite raw, but I'm working through things and I'm still sticking to my habits of getting up early etc.

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

You're someone that takes a shitload of action - let me know if you'd like to come on my podcast. Can use it half as a chat about all you've done and the action you've taken daily - and half as a coaching session if you have questions to ask me.

KillYourInnerLoser

Hi Andy

I’d really appreciate the opportunity to come on and discuss things with you and I think I’d find it really beneficial

I’ll send you a P.M here on the forums once I finish work in a couple hours so we can get something arranged 🗓

I’ll start coming up with some questions and rough notes for when I’m on as well

Thanks again mate

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 52: 02/12/2021

Things are going okay. I'm feeling a little better each day and I'm hoping that with time, the feelings of what's been going on recently will just disappear as I come to accept I'm not to blame

I know in my heart I'm not, but I just gotta keep telling that to my damn head.

Watching Andy's video he did regarding the coaching client who experienced similar is definitely helping. If I feel a bit down about it, I put that on to reassure myself and it helps

Also that book Andy recommended is coming tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to getting my head around it and I'm sure it will help

Just gotta take it a day at a time - like with my 365 Project

I now have something to work towards as Andy has very kindly offered to do a podcast episode with me.

I'm very grateful to KillYourInnerLoser for the opportunity and as soon as I've written this post, I'm going to drop him a message and work something out with him as regards a time and a date. I'll make some notes and think up a couple of questions to ask over the weekend and take it from there

I also gifted a Self-Authoring Suite voucher to Now after he shouted up and responded to my offer. He's been very supportive and I'm grateful to him for the continued advice and support. Glad I could give something back which I hope he finds very useful. It certainly helped me a while back when I did it

Today's Update:

- Woke up at 04:30 Hrs this morning again - it was very crisp and fresh

- Had coffee and contemplation. Good to try get my head straight before work ️

- Ended up having to go into work early, but the office was locked. Had to hang around for an hour like a lemon, so I worked my way through Episode #51 of Andy's podcast: Should You take Steroids? And Why Society is Lying to You About Everything. I liked this one as I've always been sceptical of society's views and normies trying to get you to follow the crowd because they're scared of what's different. Not enough people think for themselves these days and I'm a big believer in the fact that the education system has not produced an educated public
.

- Worked 9-5. I'm starting to class this as self-improvement as it's helping me reach my financial goals. If there is anything of note, I shall include it here

- Gifted the Self-Authoring Voucher to Now

That's it for today's update

Over the weekend I'm going to try and come up with productive things to do during my mornings and evenings when I'm not working my job

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 53: 03/12/2021

Today has been a bit tough as I didn't really sleep too well and had a few nightmares, but towards the end I think I managed to turn it round. Got a bit of a traumatic past due to my old career I used to work in. I may discuss on here at some point. I used to suffer terribly with my mental health etc. but thankfully I've got it under control to a point now where it just means I get nightmares every now and again and have the odd down day

Last night was unfortunately one of those 'now and again's'.

I still got up at 04:30 - I'd been lying in bed awake for 2 hours at this point anyway

Was on a bit of a downer about everything and my no-fap went out the window too - was on a binge. Work was just long and complicated but I got the weekend off so I'm trying to remain positive about that

After work I just lay down for half hour and then I dragged myself into the shower

About halfway through my long and hot shower, I had a thought come into my head which I can't get out since:

'You are 26 years old. You've probably got another 50 to go at least. Why the Fuck are you being a miserable bastard and are you planning on continuing to be a miserable bastard for the remaining 50+?'

This just really hit me and it stuck with me. I felt like I was confronting and calling myself out

Next thing I did was wash my hair, have a shave and clean myself up a bit. I now look and feel almost like a new man after doing this as it's rare I have a clean shave and I don't wash my hair too often

I'm kind of seeing the washing of my hair and shaving of my beard as a symbolic removal/washing away of negativity and guilt

I also reset my No-Fap counter after my shower. I'm determined not to repeat today's depressive binge and commit to it

Today's Self-Improvement:

- Woke up at 04:30

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- Listened to Episode #52 of Andy's Podcast: 'Art, Girls, Cancel Culture & Fitness with Sid'. Really enjoyed this one as Sid seems like a cool guy and I loved hearing his crazy-ass stories! Was good to get some beginner gym advice too and hear his views on things - particularly how he learned to walk away if he wasn't happy about a girl and her demands. Definitely take these experiences forward

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- Worked 9-5. I was at home today and expected to work independently, but I'm still on training - this is why I got a bit pissed off today. Was already in a bit of a bad mood, but this certainly didn't help. Felt better at 5 O'Clock though and after my shower

- Put some tunes on my Sony WalkMan. Saved £17.00 (22 USD) this month after cancelling YouTube and Apple Music subscriptions and using this instead. £204 (270 USD) saved every year helping me hit those financial goals

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- The book I purchased which came recommended by mentioned by KillYourInnerLoser came today (Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David Hawkins). I started reading it briefly on my lunch break and I'm going to get back into after I finish this post and before bed

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- Messaged Andy to put the feelers out for a podcast episode - currently working through scheduling a time when we're both free to record the episode. Really looking forward to this and it's giving me something to work towards

- I mentioned recently how now that I'm working, I'm starting to value my time a lot more. I made some notes today on how I'd like to spend that time on self improvement

With my current wake-up schedule, I currently have 4.5 Hours between waking up and starting work and 4 Hours every evening after I finish work free that I could be using for self-improvement purposes.

So I wrote down some productive ways of spending this time before and after work and I'm going to attempt to dedicate my free time to a couple of these items each day both after and before work



That's it for today's update

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 54: 04/12/2021

Today has been better. I've been very productive and I am feeling better about things as time goes on. Not 100% better, but I am slowly getting there with each passing day. Trying to be positive and look at it in the way that with every passing second, I'm getting closer to feeling better

Today I bought and built a 'Self-Improvement Battle-Station'.

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Okay, so it's a desk and a chair... but hear me out:

On this desk and chair are various items as well as the capacity for various self-improvement activities

- Got my sunrise alarm and backup alarm clock to get me out of bed at 04:30 every morning. I now have to physically get up!
- Got my self-help/manga books where I can now sit and just read.
- Coffee Mug - now it's cold as hell, I can have my morning coffee and contemplation at my desk and work on a post/listen to a podcast.
- Earphones/Headphones - so I can listen to Andy's podcasts in peace.
- Gonna add a speaker so I can listen to my relaxing sleep music - probably be a payday present to myself in a couple weeks.
- Laptop - for updating this blog (365-day project) and making plans.
- Work purposes - so I can work from home and set myself up financially.

Calling it a 'Battle-Station' has put me in the right mindset:

I'm fighting mediocrity, being a normie and my negative mindset/depressive thoughts.

This 'Battle-Station' is part of my arsenal and I am now fully intending to utilise it daily for the purposes of self-improvement

I've also reset my No-Fap counter and I've just gone past the 24 hour mark, so a full day.



After a depressing week where I relapsed and binged, I've now made it to 24 hours. I'm giving up Porn, Dating. Jacking Off and Orgasms for a month. That's my current target

I've found all of these lately have made me pretty Fucking depressed, although arguably I'm not completely to blame, I'm not in the right frame of mind nor do I have any desire to jump back into these things currently. I'm going to work on my other goals for a bit and take the time to recover and get my head right

Also Today:

- Woke up at 04:30

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation ️

and

- Read some of the book Andy recommended - 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. I'm really enjoying this. At first, I thought it was a bit hippy and 'new-age'. After putting myself back in check, I carried on reading and it actually starts to make sense.

I was raised in a very traditional, stoic and old-fashioned family. Feelings etc. weren't really talked about and still aren't to this day. Mental health is something that my parents don't really understand with being older than most parents and from that sort of generation. I think this is why I've always been a bit sceptical of this kind of thing. It's good to deviate a little and actually try different things that may help

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- Bought a Micro SD card for my Sony Walkman - be able to keep whacking the tunes on it now

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- Listened to another episode of Andy's Podcast - Episode #53: 'Crisis_Overcomer on Fitness, Girls, Making Money & Adding to the World'. Really enjoyed this episode. Crisis_Overcomer recently dropped in on my progress log and helped pick me up when I was a bit down and I am really grateful to him for this and I'm glad I was able to hear more of his story. Respect to him for supporting his family and stepping out into the world - especially when the economy was bad in Greece. I can remember a couple of years back seeing on the news there was issues with the economy there which looked rough. Good to see someone take action instead of just complaining

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Gonna read some more of the book before bed and get an early night. I've found I'm actually tired of a night and I'm dropping off to sleep a little easier which is something I used to struggle with a lot. I think this is a sign that my sleep schedule is starting to gradually get fixed, which I'm really happy about

That's it for today's update

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 55: 05/12/2021

Good day today. Decided to clean my room with my desk in and it's now looking a lot better than it has done in a long time

One of Jordan Peterson's rules is to 'Clean Your Room', so you can't go wrong with it really. Does wonders for the mental health I find - come home from work to a tidy and organised room and you start to feel like you got a tidy and organised life 🕊

I'm feeling much better about things. The book is helping and I'm grateful to everyone for the support on here. Gonna try put it behind me now and keep moving forward. I've kept up with the posts which took a lot to do, but I think I've come out the other end of it stronger for it

Battle station is working out really well. Been using it a lot today for most of the self-improvement stuff I've been doing e.g. Coffee and Contemplation, Reading, Computer Work, Podcasts etc. A good spend of 100 bucks

Today's Update:

- Woke up at 04:30 Hrs again. The Sunrise alarm is awesome



- Had my morning Coffee and Contemplation ️

and

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #54: 'Why Obsession is Mandatory'. Really enjoyed this episode with Chad. Found his stories and experiences eye-opening. This episode made me realise that if my body isn't looking good, I'm basically playing life on hard mode. I now also see the merit in becoming obsessed with your life goals. This is something I am trying to actively implement and focus on

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- Read some more of the book Andy recommended to me. It's really helping and I'm at page 50/chapter 4 now. Gonna read some more soon before bed

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- Cleaned my room and listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #55: 'Answering Your 3some & BDSM Questions'. Although I'm currently on a dating, sex, porn etc. break, I enjoyed listening to this one as I think the advice was pretty solid. Particularly the advice around the longer it taking to arrange a 3some, the more likely the girls are to back out and bail

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- Re-assessed my finances. I'm constantly checking that I'm on target for 2022 as getting my finances in order has been a long-term goal of mine so I can get my own place one day and have a relatively comfortable life. I've decided that I'm going to save my full pay check from next month to give me a good head start and get into the habit of saving. I know I said I would start my financial goals in 2022, but I thought 'Why wait? start now.' I already saved my full first week's pay check from last month because of one of Andy's YouTube videos where he takes aim at the people who plan to start self-improving in the New Year as it's 'not the right time'. I am in agreement that this is a pretty dumbass attitude to have

I have already heard 2 people say 'I'm going to start my diet in the New Year...' to which I replied 'Why not start now and make the commitment?' I then got a few flustered excuses which just confirmed to me that this is a dumbass mindset

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Fucking Lol.

It also reaffirmed to me that if there are any goals that I want to commit to, I need to start NOW.

- No-Fap - Day 2. Steady progress on this I'm hoping to keep up. Keeping myself distracted with more positive habits is definitely helping

- Went for a walk to get some fresh air - I've been stuck at home due to shitty weather and home-working past 3 days, so decided to get out the house for a bit. Good to get some fresh air and I met up with a lady friend of mine from University who I kept in touch with. She's engaged, so nothing going on, but I had a long chat with her about what happened recently. Good to get a female perspective and I'm feeling a lot better after she gave me some reassurance

- I have put some more tunes onto my Sony WalkMan - Love this thing

That's it for today's update. Overall very productive and I'm happy with this weekend. Gonna clean up now, get my stuff ready for work and finish off with some reading before I turn in

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

KillYourInnerLoser

I’m gonna work on both these points this week. Tomorrow I’ll install a porn blocker on both my phone and laptop I’ll get my brother to type in a password and write it down somewhere and tell him not to give it to me

I think removing the temptation - like taking junk food out of the house before a diet is the key here

I’ll also buy a copy of Meditations - I’ve been meaning to read that one for a while as I’ve seen it mentioned here and there. Just looked and I can get a cheap used copy on eBay for 4 bucks, so I’ll buy this tomorrow as well and start reading it once I’ve finished Letting Go

I will post on here when I have done both of these for accountability purposes

Thanks again for the continued support - much appreciated

Spider 🕷

 

[Dewm]

I’ve been reading meditations for about 8 years now. It’s tough but I like it. Halfway through.

Does porn you make yourself count?

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 56: 06/12/2021

Today went okay - not awful, not great, but okay. Nice to come home to a tidy room after work as well as waking up to it this morning

I'm feeling a lot more positive, but I got a bit down while I was at work. Probably a combination of shit weather, passing thoughts about what happened recently and office politics, but I'm moving forward

Got my self-improvement done this morning and I'm doing a few bits tonight too

I've adopted a streak mindset where I'm telling myself if I keep up getting early and doing what I've been doing, I'll reap the rewards

- Woke up at 04:30 Hrs again - I'm getting between 6 and 7 Hours sleep and this feels 'okay'. Not great, but not awful. I find that I'm flagging a bit around 2 P.M during the workday and it goes downhill from there. I've been doing some research around sleep and by the looks of things, I need to try and get at least a solid 7 hours. I'm going to try and aim for 7 and a half hours and then I might work up to 8 hours, so I need to be in bed by 21:00 to start initially. I'll try get to bed by this time tonight and take it from there

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation this morning at my Battle-Station ️

And

- Listened to episode #57 of Andy's Podcast: 'How We Met!' Very interesting story as well as inspiring to hear how far Imogen has come in her self-improvement journey after meeting Andy. Definitely agree with Andy when he was mentioning about girls being dumbasses coming back to a guy's place on the first meeting. There has been a few high-profile cases here where things have ended badly for the girl after an online date. Saw some of these kind of horror stories in my old job too. When I am actively dating, I always offer to meet for a at least 1 coffee first so the girl is comfortable if she needs it

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- Purchased a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelias. Andy recommended this to me yesterday and Dewm chipped in to echo the benefits. I'm definitely open to embracing a healthier form of Stoicism where you acknowledge your fears instead of locking them away and avoiding them which can't be healthy mentally.

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I've never been an overly-emotional man and beta soyboys who are annoy me, but locking everything away isn't healthy either. Gotta be a third way which is better

So I bought a cheap copy off the book eBay for 4 bucks used. I think society would be much better if more people started reading. I feel like there is a wealth of knowledge locked away which has become largely ignored in today's modern society of iPhones and Netflix. I can't worry about other people though - that's their choice and I can only worry about myself. I'm now actively trying to read for at least half an hour a day every morning

- Read some more of 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. What I read in the book recently really resonated with me. There was a chapter on why people beat themselves up about things and feel guilt and shame: They actually enjoy it. This didn't make sense to me at first, but after reading on, it started to make sense. Andy mentioned there is an arrogance aspect to this where it almost becomes a 'status symbol' where people can declare 'I'm a special kind of Fucked up'. It seems as if this is a 'totemic standard' which depressed people try and achieve by sinking deeper into their depression purely for the bragging rights. There is also the mindset of 'This is good to feel this way as I deserve it'. This has really clicked with me

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- Downloaded a porn blocker and got my brother to type in a password which I can't guess after Andy's suggestion. Hoping this helps me with my No-Fap goals

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- Day 3 on No-Fap. Making steady progress



- Worked 09:00-17:00 Hrs. Another day another dollar Not exactly enjoying my job lately. I'm surrounded by women and I'm the only man. Don't mean to sound sexist, but there's a lot of rumour spreading and, talking behind people's backs that goes on. Standard water-cooler talk. I got not time for gossip, so I'm keeping out of it, but I do feel sometimes I get spoken to very sharply and in a tone I do not care for at all. Fuck it though. Money in the bank. Go in, do my job, come home

That's it for now. Gonna rest up and maybe read some more of Letting Go before I wind down for bed

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[Now]

"Marcus Aeraleus"
"Marcus Aurelias"
"Marcus Auerelius"
Every time the man's name is mentioned here it's spelled different, love it :lol:
Gonna throw my hat in the ring too and recommend it, through two thirds of it myself and it's influenced my journaling style immensely. Not a book you read from cover to cover though

- Worked 09:00-17:00 Hrs. Another day another dollar Not exactly enjoying my job lately. I'm surrounded by women and I'm the only man. Don't mean to sound sexist, but there's a lot of rumour spreading and, talking behind people's backs that goes on. Standard water-cooler talk. I got not time for gossip, so I'm keeping out of it, but I do feel sometimes I get spoken to very sharply and in a tone I do not care for at all. Fuck it though. Money in the bank. Go in, do my job, come home

This sounds like a recipe for disaster man, you can go "fuck it" for a while but resentment will build. I worked as the only dude in a team of females in a small retail shop once and it was horrible, I feel your struggle. Being in the gender minority makes it easy for a "you vs them" mentality to form, watch out for that.
Office Politics by Oliver James may be a worthwhile read depending on how long you're gonna be working there.

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Now

Ha ha yeah I'm not gonna disclose whether I looked up the correct spelling before I typed it out or not aha!
I agree - I think it'll be a 'slow burn' book where I read a little every now and again and pick up bits and pieces here and there.

It's a bit of a drag. I've always struggled with working with females as guys just tend to get on with it and not cause drama. Obviously there's exceptions to that - I've occasionally met the odd bitchy guy who acts like one of the girls (probably because he thinks it'll get him laid!).

Thanks for the book recommendation! I've added it to my reading list I've started compiling. I'll see how long it takes before I get pissed off and wanna leave paha.

Regards,

Spider 🕷

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 57: 07/12/2021

Okay day today. Feeing much better about things and work has been alright, so I can’t complain

Gonna try get to bed earlier tonight as I'm pretty beat. Long hours in front of a computer may not be physically tiring, but it sure is mentally

Got to work super early this morning too which didn’t help, but I used this ‘dead time’ productively

- Woke up at 04:30. Wanted to get to bed a little earlier last night, but a relative visited in the evening so had to stay up until about 20:45. Managed to get to bed by 21:00 last night. Took me a little while to get off, but I think I got a little extra sleep last night which is a bonus

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle Station this morning ️

And

- Listened to Episode #58 of Andy's Podcast: 'LostCause on Hiring a Prostitute to Lose Your Virginity'. Really inspiring to see someone just go out and get it done instead of sitting around and complainingLostcause.

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I can relate to Polish/Eastern European girls being very cute - there is a large Polish Community here in the U.K and the women are definitely a step higher looks-wise. I think this is partly due to women from Eastern Europe being less into feminism and more into traditional aspects such as feminine beauty standards, fat isn’t beautiful etc. The flipside of this however is that they aren't as sexually liberated or open-minded - I have dated Polish girls and experienced very similar behaviour and attitudes, so it's a bit of double edged sword sometimes

Vaguely remember reading some Red-Pill stuff on it years ago and it seems they got this part right, although there is always the exceptions

- I have started noting down questions to ask Andy for our upcoming podcast and will get a rough structure of what's lead me to this point in my life journey

- No-Fap - Day 4. Still going strong and keeping it up. Porn blocker is definitely helping. My phone is the real culprit, but I also installed it onto my laptop as well just as a precaution. Was a bit difficult yesterday as a girl from my past got in touch and sent an unsolicited nude. Think I'm gonna have to politely request no nudes from now on - something I never thought I’d be requesting!

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- Read some more of 'Letting Go'. Was going to read some last night, but I was pretty beat after a long day. Could've stayed up, pushed through and read, but I decided to prioritise the sleep which I think was definitely the right decision as I don't think I would've retained the information as well and it would've become a lost effort. I'm starting to be more 'tactical' with my time and trying to be smart not just about WHAT I do, but also WHEN I do it.

I'm also learning to adapt and overcome.

I now have to get to work for 07:15 some mornings as I get a lift in from my brother who starts his job earlier, but I start at 09:00 as my car is broke and the training hasn't been done properly so I can't work from home. There's a McDonalds across the road so I go in there, buy a cheap cup of coffee for a buck (I'm not spending loads on McDonald's breakfast as it would Fuck up my financial goals) and listen to Andy's podcast then read more of my book



I actually knew someone who spent 800 Bucks IN A MONTH on eating out and takeaways. I was Fucking gobsmacked when he told me.

- Worked 9-5 Went a bit better today and I think I know why:

The girl who acts off with me seems to only do it in front of this other girl - other girl wasn’t in today

Obviously feels the need to look like a ‘kickass tough girl’ in front of her friends. Pretty pathetic really

That's it for today's update

A standard day really and nothing much of note.

Need to get back in the Gym soon. Got a bad case of procrastination, so a Massive Action Day will soon be upon us. Might even call it the 'Day of Reckoning' for pure psychological effect and to get me pumped. Worked with my desk and chair *ahem* 'Battle-Station'

Stay tuned

Photos attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

 

[MakingAComeback]

Oh snap you're in the UK Spider? Where about boy?

I'm split between London / Warwickshire.

MAC

 

[Spider Jerusalem]

Oh snap you're in the UK Spider? Where about boy?

I'm split between London / Warwickshire.

MAC

Hey what’s up Mac

Yes mate - I’m a Brummie, so I’m over in the Midlands

I been to Warwick Castle years ago Don’t like London much myself though I must admit

Killing it with the regular posts and putting the graft in mate - really good to see

Regards,

Spider 🕷

 

[MakingAComeback]

Oh snap you're in the UK Spider? Where about boy?

I'm split between London / Warwickshire.

MAC

Hey what’s up Mac

Yes mate - I’m a Brummie, so I’m over in the Midlands

I been to Warwick Castle years ago Don’t like London much myself though I must admit

Killing it with the regular posts and putting the graft in mate - really good to see

Regards,

Spider 🕷

Hahaha god damn bro I was at the University of Birmingham, so I lived in Bham for 4 years and know Brum very well.

MAC